Chapter Seventeen
Danny
IT WAS A MONTH since Kevin’s release. Though Kevin was free, Danny suffered in his own prison of guilt, tortured by what he’d done. He tiptoed on the edge of a precipice, where one wrong move could fling him into a dark abyss.
As he sat across from Cathy in the kitchen’s sunny alcove, he picked at his cold scrambled eggs. His thoughts roamed far from the brilliance of the bright fall day. Guilt plus a sleepless night equaled a bad combination.
When he’d injured his ankle, all he’d wanted was to play again. Since his return, he’d been so distracted his playing had suffered. This time the sin he’d committed was so serious even basketball couldn’t save him. For some reason, his teammates didn’t fare any better.
With red-rimmed eyes he looked across the table at his wife who was glancing idly at the front page of the Sun Times. A sliver of alarm ran through him. He usually scanned the paper before she got it. She flipped through the pages. He fought a rising concern. So far, he’d been lucky enough to keep information about the trial and its aftermath from her.
A broken water main on Delaney Street had flooded her store, Cathy’s Creations, along with neighboring stores. She’d spent countless hours supervising the restoration and had had scant opportunity to pay attention to anything else. Her misfortune had been a blessing.
His buddies and Dora knew about Kevin, but they’d agreed to keep silent. Even Cathy’s parents had acknowledged it was best to protect her.
He almost felt as if he was conspiring against his wife instead of shielding her, yet he knew it was for the best. The knowledge would rock her foundations. She’d never understand.
He tried not to stare as, with the coffee cup in one hand, Cathy turned from one page to the other. When she slammed down the mug, he almost jumped.
She was way too quiet. She focused far too long on one article.
Frowning, she glanced up. Their eyes met. His heart plummeted. She knew.
“Danny, why didn’t you tell me about this?”
No use pretending. He wouldn’t insult her by playing dumb. “I didn’t want you to have to deal with it,” he said, slowly putting down his fork, abandoning the pretense of eating.
He hadn’t wanted this to happen. He’d always hoped to protect his wife from the consuming hatred that had haunted him before he was married. For too long he’d wished Kevin dead. The good priest had been right. God should be the one to exact revenge. Only the Almighty knew what was in each person’s soul.
Cathy’s eyes seemed wounded. Her bottom lip trembled as she tried not to cry. “Danny, it seems I really don’t know you. Seeing this makes me wonder what other things you’ve kept from me.”
Her words punched his gut. He couldn’t answer. He’d botched everything from the beginning. He should have come clean before the wedding, but had been afraid of seeming unworthy. Cathy had always existed on a higher plane than he did and seemed incapable of grasping the nature of evil. He hadn’t thought she’d understand the real Danny, the dark-souled sufferer he’d kept hidden from the world.
Strangely enough, he’d been able to spill it all out to her sister. Dora seemed capable of handling anything he dished out. She’d been exposed to the black marks of his soul and hadn’t been put off. Had he married the wrong sister? Danny had no opportunity to dwell on that. His wife was all wound up.
Now that she’d started, she pressed on. “I feel so sorry for that poor man being stuck in jail all those years. How could you do that to him?”
“Believe me, Cathy, I thought he was guilty.”
“I understand you made a mistake, but what about now? Is there anything you can do to help him? With all your basketball money, there has to be some way to make good.”
“He refuses to speak to me, much less take my money.”
“Speaking of money, haven’t you made enough? Why do you insist on playing? You know I hate you’re on the road so much. After the injury, I’d hoped you’d respect my wishes, but you’ve been going to practice anyway. On Friday, the season will begin all over again. Then you’ll be away most of the time. Can’t you give up basketball? Won’t you do that for us?”
The sweet angel he’d married had morphed into a shrew before his eyes. Perhaps living with him had changed her, or maybe he hadn’t known her after all. Of course, even before she’d married him, though she’d never thrown it up to him, she’d lived the life of a rich man’s daughter. As a wedding gift, her Dad had deposited a generous sum into their joint account, which Danny had refused to touch. He prided himself on making it on his own. Money was not the issue and never had been. It had nothing to do with basketball.
He had enough trouble dealing with Kevin, without throwing basketball into the mix. Did she have any idea what he was going through?
They hadn’t seriously discussed his occupation before, but now it was out into the open. Resentment shot through him. He’d been wrong about Kevin, but on basketball he would not cave in. “I’ll never give up the game, no matter what.”
Her head snapped back as if hit. Sobbing, she pulled back her chair and rushed from the table. Damn, if she refused to accept something so important to him, their marriage was on shaky ground.
By Friday, a deep chill still permeated the air. After a silent breakfast during which they pretended to eat, Danny threw his wife’s ticket on the table.
“That’s in case you change your mind,” he said before stomping out.
He knew she wouldn’t be there, yet later, when he stepped onto the court, he glanced toward the stands. The other members of his cheering section were present and accounted for, but Cathy’s empty seat stared back at him accusingly. Reminding himself he still had basketball, he squared his shoulders. He’d hold onto it as long as he could.
His timing was off. Nothing clicked. He played hard, but felt as if he were foundering on quicksand.
After a huge Amstaff loss, he pulled into the garage, entered the silent house and closed the door softly behind him. He missed his wife. He’d hurt Cathy and had to put things right. She wasn’t in the kitchen or the family room. Had she left? His breath caught at the thought. He was almost afraid to search further. At the door to the living room, he paused, catching a whiff of her fresh floral scent. In the darkness, he almost didn’t see the slight figure seated in the wing chair.
He dared not turn on the lights. He couldn’t bear to see tears marring the beautiful face. He came up behind his wife and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. “Cathy, honey, let’s not fight. I know I was wrong to keep important things from you, but I was doing it for us. I’m not perfect. I can’t even promise to give up basketball. All I can say is I love you.”
She sobbed quietly, but didn’t pull away.
Perhaps there was still hope. Gathering her tightly in his arms, he rocked her back and forth. “Cathy, I love you. Please give me another chance.”
She pulled away and gazed at him silently, with the look of a disappointed child.
Gently wiping the tears from her cheeks, he pressed his lips firmly on her trembling mouth. “Please, honey, don’t give up on us. I need you.”
With a soft sigh she wilted, sinking against his chest.
His hands fingered her tangled curls. “I know I can’t be here for you all the time, but, Cathy, honey, maybe we can do something about those lonely nights of yours. It’s time we got a little someone to keep you company.”
“I’ve always wanted that, Danny.”
“Maybe we haven’t tried hard enough.”
They spent the rest of the evening making slow, tender love.
IN THE ENSUING weeks, neither of them spoke of Kevin, or of Danny’s decision to keep playing basketball. At times he caught his wife glancing at him hesitantly, as if she couldn’t make up her mind. They spent more time than ever making love, but sometimes it seemed they were only going through the motions.
Were they trying to conceive a child out of love or to pro
ve they still loved each other? There had to be something left to salvage. He needed Cathy as much as he needed basketball.
His preoccupation did not go unnoticed by Coach Dexter. “Callaway, snap out of it. You’re hurting the team. Leave your personal life behind when you step onto the court.”
Coach was right. It wasn’t fair to accept a huge sum of money and not do his best. It was time to buckle down.
Danny couldn’t pinpoint when the transition occurred. One day he foundered, the next day everything clicked. He caught fire, scored fantastic shots and burned up the court. The fans ate it up. When he heard their cheers, he felt warm inside. He could almost believe his life was perfect.
Under his leadership, the team made it to the playoffs, then fought their way up the ladder to the last game, which was scheduled for Chicago. The evening before, Danny felt his stomach contract.
Cathy noticed his pained expression. “Are you all right?”
“I think I’ve got the flu,” he said, dashing away. He barely made it to the bathroom in time.
He spent a good portion of the night there. By morning, he was exhausted and still cramping. With fumbling fingers he tried to fasten his shirt, but the buttons kept slipping out of the holes.
Cathy stepped up to him and placed a cool palm on his forehead. “You’re crazy. You can’t go in.”
Ignoring her advice, he climbed unsteadily into his pants. People depended on him. He couldn’t let his teammates down. Cathy didn’t understand.
Red blotches sprang to her cheeks as her voice rose. “It’s only a game, Danny. Stay home. They can do without you.”
He gritted his teeth. “Cathy, show some respect. You’ve got your dreams. Let me have mine. I don’t demean your flower shop, do I? I’m going now and don’t try to stop me.” His head pounded. He didn’t want to battle his wife as well as his illness. Why couldn’t she understand how important basketball was to him?
Cathy gave him a long, searching look. Shaking her head, she grabbed the key ring and marched to her car. Wobbling, he followed her.
“Get in,” she ordered.
Neither of them spoke on the way to the stadium.
On leaden feet, he stumbled onto the court. Perspiration sprang to his forehead. Before long, his jersey grew clammy and clung to his skin. Continuing on was torture, yet he did it anyway.
In the first quarter, a Houston guard tripped him. Danny’s head spun. The room blackened for a second, then cleared. No one noticed. He righted himself and went on.
The remainder of the game passed in a pain-filled blur. Each time he tried to score, the ball bounced off. His teammates gave it their all, but fell short, with three of them fouling out and being replaced by second stringers. He was far from par, but didn’t dare leave.
At the final buzzer the Amstaffs dejectedly made their way back to the locker room, lucky to have lost by twelve points. Danny felt miserable knowing if he’d played at his peak, the team might have stood a chance.
Cathy brought her Infiniti around to the player’s exit, swung open the door and said in a quiet voice, “Danny, let’s go home.”
With teeth chattering, he climbed in, then huddled in the passenger seat. She sighed, but didn’t preach. He couldn’t have handled that. He was miserable enough.
The germ lingered for an entire week. When he’d finally shaken it, the scale showed he’d lost eight pounds.
The fact that the team had gone so far, only to lose anyway didn’t make him feel better. It was difficult to set aside his disappointment, but he had to. He must go on, as he’d done in the past. The trick was to keep busy. As usual, Dean’s needed help, so he signed on to work in the off season.
Even that made him feel guilty. He was working to maintain peace of mind, but in doing so was stealing a position from someone who could use the money.
The baby project went ahead full steam. Now, more than ever, Danny craved closeness with his wife, maybe because they no longer seemed on the same wave length. Perhaps they never had been. Despite that, for some reason, the physical attraction between them remained strong.
A LATE AFTERNOON IN mid-September found Danny at home, restless and lonesome. An idea formed in his mind. Why not surprise Cathy and take her somewhere romantic for dinner? He ached to be with her. If they pretended things were right between them, maybe they would be. He jumped into his BMW, his mind too preoccupied to enjoy the last vestiges of summer clinging to the oak and walnut trees lining his driveway.
After he’d pulled up to the shop, he hesitated. Who was this woman he thought he loved? The artful displays in the window had been arranged by the same loving fingers that had often stroked and enfolded him. At the thought, need burgeoned inside of him. Dinner was forgotten.
Glancing inside, he saw two elderly customers milling about, content to look. He glared, willing them to leave. Perhaps they caught a glimpse of his threatening face, for suddenly they fled.
The coast was clear. He stepped inside, locked the door and pulled down the blinds.
“What are you doing, Danny?” Cathy asked in a frantic voice.
“The store closes in half an hour, right?”
She nodded.
Though no one else was near, he bent down and whispered in her ear. She blushed to the roots of her fiery red hair, but didn’t say no. Encouraged, he removed his shirt. When she saw he meant business, she let out a half-hearted protest. He continued undressing. Her eyes grew round when he stood before her with his arousal in plain view.
She swallowed and unconsciously licked her lips. It was all the signal he needed. He reached to unfasten the top button of her dress, then placed his hand beneath its cloth and onto her soft skin. He did the same with each of her buttons, moving slowly downward.
Her eyes filmed with passion. She seemed almost in a trance as she followed him to the center of the tile floor, where he lifted the dress over her head. With practiced hands, he removed her bra and cupped her upturned breasts.
She moaned in pleasure as his teasing fingers caressed, then withdrew, slipping off her nylons, then her panties. Gently grasping her wrists, he lowered her down onto the cool tile, then positioned her on top of him.
As their skin touched, fire bolted through him. Cathy was his. They were meant to be together. To reaffirm their closeness, he pushed himself into her as deep as he could. She gasped.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
Before she could answer, the door knob rattled.
“You locked it, didn’t you?” she whispered.
“You saw me.”
Tensely they waited for the intruder to leave. After what seemed like forever, the footsteps receded.
“Now where were we?” he asked.
The added element of danger spiked his senses, making him more aroused. His ears were attuned to each sound, picking up Cathy’s small, panting breaths, the ticking of the wall clock, the trickle of water dripping from the faucet.
Very close to him, his wife’s fragrant womanly scent blended with that of the roses and orchids. Her breasts brushed against the hairs on his chest, as he slipped between her damp, yielding thighs.
She arched and quivered. He answered with an acute explosion. That wasn’t enough. He pushed in deeper and deeper, murmuring “Cathy, Cathy.”
She lay over him, hugging him close. They moved in unison with each other. He couldn’t get enough of her. At this point, he didn’t care who broke the door down. Fireworks ricocheted through him.
He reached up and brushed a strawberry curl from his wife’s glistening forehead. “Cathy, my love, you really are something.”
She smiled down at him tenderly. “Danny, I have a suggestion.”
“Anything, my sweet,” he said from his vulnerable position beneath her.
“If we’re going to do this for a while, could we go somewhere more comfortable?”
Thank goodness she hadn’t said stop. Apparently, she also felt this amazing closeness and didn’t
want to lose it.
Rising, she led him into her cozy, plant strewn office to a couch beneath the chintz curtains.
He needed no further encouragement. Gathering his wife into his arms, he laid her gently on the couch, where they continued on in comfort, exploring each other thoroughly, almost as if the experience were brand new. They didn’t stop until well past midnight, when she pled exhaustion and they agreed it was best to round up their clothes.
He abandoned his BMW and brought up Cathy’s Infiniti. They said little on the ride home, yet it was a peaceful silence. She rested her head on his shoulder, reminding him of the old days. Was it too late to go back?
SINCE THEY’D BEEN married, Danny knew that Cathy had always been disappointed at the arrival of her “monthly visitor.” It was doubly hard when they visited friends with children. She deserved a baby. Why couldn’t she conceive? The pressure built inside him to give Cathy this one thing she wanted. If they had a baby, the child would be something they could share.
Six weeks after what his wife had labeled their “floral madness,” he found a flush-faced Cathy unwrapping a test kit in the bathroom.
The sight tugged at his heartstrings. Would this be another disappointment? He had to prepare her for failure. She seemed way too excited.
“Cathy, calm down. It could be another false alarm.”
She ignored his advice. After she’d performed the procedure, she sat on the bed with legs shaking and lips moving in silent prayer.
Bracing her for another letdown, he sat beside Cathy and took her elegant fingers into his large palm.
When the timer rang, she let go and almost tiptoed into the adjoining bathroom. He followed, holding his breath. Would this be like all the other times?
Cathy picked up the stick.
“Oh, my God,” she cried, dropping it, before he could see what it read.
She spun towards him. He didn’t have to ask the result. He’d never seen his wife look more beautiful. Her entire being glowed, from the top of her sparkling strawberry hair to the tips of her dainty toes. He stared back wonderingly.
“Danny, Danny, you’re going to be a Daddy,” she squealed, throwing her arms around him.
His eyes filmed over as he said a silent prayer of thanks. He didn’t deserve this wonderful reprieve, yet God had been gracious enough to give it to him.
Cathy sobbed. He pulled out his handkerchief and gently wiped her eyes.
“Sweetheart, don’t cry.”
“I can’t help it. I’m just so happy. I’ve hoped so long for this to happen, but never thought it would.”
“This calls for a celebration,” he said, lifting her up and carrying her back into the bedroom. He lit a scented candle, turned the volume low on the CD player and gently made love to her.
When they were sated, he rubbed her stomach and said crazy things like, “How was that, Bernie? Did we wake you up?”
Her laugh tinkled, reminding him of the day they’d met in class. “You can’t be serious, Danny. I will not allow you to name our child such a corny name.”
“Don’t worry. We’ve got time to come up with something better.”
“Thank goodness.” She reached out and ruffled his hair.
After that, he and Cathy existed in their own private world, marveling at the miracle growing inside of her, savoring their concealed knowledge, forgetting their differences. They were on the threshold of something new, exciting and scary called parenthood.
The world was ripe with a summer that stretched into October. As he watched Cathy wend her way through her magnificent gardens, she reminded him of a fertility goddess. Her flowery children blossomed and thrived under her touch. She cared for them all, down to the tiniest alyssum.
After another month, her breasts filled and her waistline thickened. By mutual agreement, they decided to break the silence.
They invited the McGuire family for dinner on Veterans Day to share the news. He wished his own family could be present, but what might have been could never be. Life was good. The growing seed inside of Cathy overwhelmed everything else.
He’d just finished dusting the bottom of the family room coffee table when the doorbell rang. He rose to answer it. Ted and Nancy were first to arrive, followed by Dora, who, as usual, looking disturbingly attractive. Her cream colored mini-skirt displayed her never-ending golden legs. Her matching cashmere sweater set his heart pounding. Her perfect, upturned breasts couldn’t be disguised. They swelled out, as if begging to be touched. Her amber eyes glowed. She was amazing.
“Do you have any iced tea?” Nancy McGuire asked, jarring Danny from his spell.
Eager to escape, he turned toward the kitchen.
“Let me get it, Danny,” Cathy offered, stepping out of the dining room where she’d been arranging a centerpiece.
“That’s okay, honey. Sit down and relax. I’ll start the steaks.”
He was already babying her and Cathy was eating it up, enjoying the attention. After all, her pregnancy had been a long time coming.
Dora intervened. “You do the steaks. I’ll get the tea.”
Before he could protest, Dora had followed him into the kitchen. He didn’t need her around, but it would be impolite to refuse. Before he knew it, she’d closed the door and cornered him. Though it was a large kitchen, he felt as if its dimensions had shrunk. She stood next to him, so close he breathed in her spicy cologne. Its scent hinted at danger and wild rhapsody.
As if unaware of her power, she gazed earnestly at him. “How are you dealing with Kevin’s release?”
The familiar guilt stabbed him. With a start, he realized his mind had strayed from Kevin since Cathy had become pregnant. He didn’t need this reminder.
“He shouldn’t have been put there in the first place, but it’s too late to change that. I try not to think about it,” he said tersely.
Dora nodded. “That’s the only way to look at it.”
His forehead pounded. He’d never get over what he’d done. Why had she brought it up today of all days? Of course, she couldn’t know of today’s significance, since he and Cathy hadn’t broken the news. It was silly to think Dora was punishing him.
Irritated, he reached into the cold refrigerator to pull out the steaks, then thrust them onto the preheated stove top grill.
Dora inched over, stationing herself directly across from him. When he glanced up, he was so close he could make out the throbbing blue veins on her slender neck. His mind shut down, as his temperature rose to match the grill’s. The steaks sizzled. Something had to give.
“What about that iced tea?” he asked pointedly.
“That’s right,” she said, grabbing the pitcher and vanishing.
That had been close.
His surcease was short-lived. She returned, asking if she could be of more help.
“I can handle it, Dora.”
“Well, Cathy’s busy talking to Mom and Dad. She looked so excited I didn’t want to interrupt her. I know with the shop and all she doesn’t get a chance to visit them often.” Clearheaded Dora kept babbling on, as if nervous. “Why don’t I get everything out in the meantime?” she said almost to herself.
He ignored her as she pulled out the potato salad, relishes and other side dishes, then carted them from the kitchen to dining room. Why didn’t Cathy come in and rescue him? Her pregnancy didn’t make her helpless.
Of course, the answer was she didn’t know anything was going on. Her blissful ignorance kept her in the other room chirping away.
He tested the center of a steak. Pink was turning to brown. He better get them out.
Dora stood next to him, eager to help, as he deposited the sputtering meat onto the platter. He balanced the growing load as he reached for the last steak on the grill. Before he could object, she grabbed the platter. He stubbornly clung to it.
“It won’t hurt for me to help,” she insisted.
The husky timbre of her voice sent goo
se bumps up and down his arms. She could easily get a phone sex job, not that she needed one.
Averting his eyes, he relinquished the platter into her capable hands. He stabbed at the remaining steak, tossing it onto the dish. Grease popped and splattered on her hand. She flinched and the plate wobbled. He reached for the platter, just as her hand tightened over it. Their fingers connected. A searing jolt flashed up his arm. The plate almost fell, but he managed to straighten it out.
They stood frozen. Then, with concern, he looked into the eyes he’d avoided. A thin sheen of tears laced them. Her lips trembled.
“Dora, are you okay?”
She cradled her hand, which already bore a red welt. An urge came over him to bend down and kiss the pain away. He was ashamed of himself for considering it. With a stricken expression, Dora nodded at him, though he could see she was hurt. Were her tears from the burn or something else? He dare not ask.
“Are you sure you’re all right?”
She nodded.
“You better put something on that. I’ll bring out the steaks.”
“Sure, Danny.”
After she’d left, his heart continued its wild hammering. His fingers trembled. He couldn’t believe this. His wife was in the next room with their baby growing inside of her, yet here he was fighting an urge to jump her sister. He hadn’t wanted this to happen. He wouldn’t let Dora come between them, not after he and Cathy had made everything right. He shook his head, trying to clear it of the image of the flinching Dora.
The door swung open again. He groaned inside. How much more could he take?
Thankfully this time it was Cathy. “Danny, I’m sorry for not helping. What can I do? Are the steaks about ready?”
He glanced at his wife, as if seeing her for the first time. The sun poured down from the kitchen skylight and radiated over her glorious strawberry curls. He stood transfixed, soaking in her ethereal beauty. His fairy tale princess rivaled nature, like a gift from above. His heart ached, thinking of how he’d betrayed her in his mind. It wouldn’t happen again. Especially now, when she had that special someone growing inside of her. His heart swelled at the thought.
“Danny, what about the steaks?” she repeated.
“They’re ready now. We got a little delayed. Dora had an accident.”
Cathy’s forehead puckered. As if on cue, her sister reappeared with her hand wrapped in gauze. Guilt hit him at the sight.
“Don’t look so upset. I’ll survive,” she said.
“Glad to hear that, Dora,” he said before turning to his wife. He’d known all along that Cathy’s sister was dangerous. This proved it.
When everyone was seated, he and Cathy exchanged a special look. It was time.
Danny began grace. “Bless us, Oh Lord, and these our gifts, especially for the new gift of life you’ve so generously bestowed on our family.”
Nancy McGuire’s head shot up. Her hand flew to her chest. “Young man, you almost gave me a heart attack, but I’d gladly die from such a nice surprise.”
Ted reached out and pumped Danny’s hand. “It’s about time.”
Danny laughed in embarrassment. “Well, it’s not as if we weren’t trying.”
Dora sat still, tears streaming down her face. Finally she rose and embraced her sister. “I’m so happy for you.”
Cathy beamed and said, “Dora, I want you to be the godmother.”
Dora nodded. A sad, happy smile flitted across her face.
After that, they all talked at once. The sound of their excited voices drowned out Danny’s disturbing doubts. He’d have to act as if nothing had happened. He couldn’t let on he felt more for Dora than he wanted to.