Chapter Twenty-Nine
Danny
“DANNY, ARE YOU all right?” a woman’s voice asked. It sounded familiar, almost like Cathy’s. Was he dead or had his wife returned to life? He tried to move, but couldn’t. “Danny, can you hear me?”
She bent so close he could smell her perfume—a scent which had driven him over the edge. This was not Cathy. He lay helpless, again in her power. What would she do to him?
Footsteps approached.
“I’ve found him,” her voice called out to the new arrival.
Someone tried to move him.
“Answer me, Danny boy. Can you hear me?” Tony’s voice floated up. “Hey, man, just nod if you understand. That’s all I ask.”
Okay, he could do that. Cautiously, Danny moved his head, but a gong clanged inside.
“Okay, he’s still with us. Dora, stay here. I’ll get the car.”
Dora sat beside Danny, holding his head in her lap, brushing her soft fingers through his hair. He sighed at the soothing feeling. He’d missed the touch of a woman, especially this one. He shouldn’t allow her to do this, but it felt wonderful. He’d been so alone. Each soft stroke dulled the roaring pain.
Then he was lifted up and carried. He found himself resting in the back seat of a car, with his aching head cuddled in Dora’s lap. He wanted to stay there forever. Dora was strong. He needed her.
There had always been a link between them. Out of respect for Cathy, he’d denied it. Now he hadn’t the strength to fight it. One fact was painfully clear. Cathy would never come back. Whatever he and Dora did couldn’t harm her.
He managed to push open his weighted eyelids. A blurry vision with dark, flowing hair greeted him. Golden eyes delved into his soul as competent, tanned arms nestled him.
“Dora,” he whispered.
He’d startled her. A flicker of something like fear crossed her face before she composed it. Her fingers clenched and unclenched. That’s when it hit him, though he’d almost guessed it before. He saw everything with blinding clarity, perhaps because his defenses were completely stripped. He knew why he’d shied from her.
Dora loved him. The realization stabbed him. He’d taken advantage of her. She’d given her all to him and he’d thrown it back in her face. She’d sought comfort in her time of need and he’d rejected her, yet she hadn’t given up on him. Had he unwittingly put her through torture? How long had she’d suffered while he and Cathy had paraded their love in front of her? She didn’t deserve that. He’d give anything to wipe the pain from her eyes.
His lips had trouble forming the words, but he forced them out. “I’m sorry,” he gasped.
She looked down at him, a tender smile illuminating her features. Her fingers brushed a strand of hair from his forehead. “It’s all right, Danny. Don’t worry. Everything will be all right.”
He wanted to ask her how that could be. Nothing was right. Cathy and the baby were dead. It was all his fault. Also, he’d hurt Dora. He’d taken too much from her and given nothing in return. How could everything be all right?
Her fingers massaged his forehead, calming his tense muscles. Her touch was soothing. He couldn’t think of anything else except the gentle pressure of her fingertips. Blessed relief flowed through him.
DANNY AWAKENED TO find himself lying on an incredibly soft mattress. It had to be goose down. The room was dark, yet he knew where he was from the lingering scent in the air. He was at Dora’s condo.
He must have been asleep for a while. Except for the foul taste in his mouth, he almost felt human. Snippets of memory returned, carrying with them a sense of shame. Had he gotten so drunk he’d wandered around the lakefront and onto State and Madison? Had he passed out right on the sidewalk? He let out a groan of embarrassment.
Dora immediately appeared beside the bed, asking, “Danny, are you all right?”
This time he could answer coherently. “Yes, Dora, considering the circumstances.”
She pressed her hand into his. “I know, Danny. I understand. None of us will ever be the same. Still, we have to go on. That’s all we can do. We can’t give up. Cathy wouldn’t want it that way. She loved us, you know.”
He understood what she was driving at. Cathy had always been unselfish. She’d loved them both. She’d have insisted they live fully. She’d never have wanted them to suffer from misguided loyalty. In his heart, he’d realized that all along, but he’d still been afraid. He didn’t feel right about loving Dora. His love for Cathy was too fresh, the pain of separation too strong. It was too soon.
“Dora, how did you find me? What made you look?”
“Detective DeVino called and said Ed Anderson was Kevin Green. I knew you’d take the news to heart.” She stopped and swallowed hard. “I remembered our talk before you married Cathy.”
As she continued, an almost desperate look crossed her face. “I had to be sure you were all right. I drove to the Palmer House. When I got there, your door was open. The place was ransacked. A whiskey bottle lay on the floor. I was afraid, so I called Tony. We scoured the area, hoping you hadn’t gone far.”
He frowned, looking across at her. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that trouble. I don’t know what got into me. I guess I’m not much of a drinker.”
“It’s all right, Danny. I understand.” Her eyes held a wealth of unspoken knowledge, as if she knew him better than he knew himself.
“I guess the news was just too much. I couldn’t handle it. I had this overpowering sense of guilt. I still feel it. If I hadn’t married Cathy, she’d still be alive. I’ll have to live with that knowledge the rest of my life.”
A look of pain crossed Dora’s face. “Danny, I know how you feel. Remember, I could’ve stopped you. You told me about Kevin. I was stupid too. I thought if you ignored Kevin, he’d not be a threat. That means I’m also to blame.”
He squeezed her hand tightly. “No, Dora, don’t. You had nothing to do with it. None of this is your fault. I know you loved Cathy. You’d never have hurt her. You only wanted her to be happy.”
“What about you Danny? You loved Cathy too. Why torture yourself? You didn’t set the bomb. It’s not your fault either.”
He went silent, mulling over her words. Some of it made sense, yet he couldn’t stop blaming himself. Perhaps it was survivor’s guilt. In time maybe the feeling would fade, but for now it didn’t seem likely. Through it all, no matter what else was true, one thing remained unchanged. Kevin Green must pay.
Danny realized he’d been going about his mission wrong. In a deadly contest, it was important for a contestant to stay at his peak and keep a clear head. To do otherwise invited defeat. A sodden drunk was an easy mark.
Danny looked deep into Dora’s eyes. Their amber glow flashed like the sun on a hot summer day. She was breathtakingly beautiful. Some day he might love her as much as Cathy, maybe more. Maybe he already did. It was too early to tell.
He couldn’t in good conscience involve her. He’d made that mistake before, with disastrous consequences. This time he’d stand strong. That meant separating himself from Dora when he needed her the most. He already felt the hurt, but it had to be done. Kevin must never learn of Danny’s new discovery. That would draw Dora into danger.
Right now he had a job to do. He’d finish this mess once and for all. “Dora, I thank you for your kindness, but I have to get going,” he said, resolve strengthening him.
The light faded from her eyes. With a pang, Danny realized he’d hurt her again. She wanted him to stay, yet he’d shunned her by his eagerness to leave. Well, she’d be better off without him. She’d discover that.
She sighed. “Okay, Danny. I’ll get your clothes from the dryer. They should be ready by now.”
He listened to the sound of her firm footsteps marching across the hardwood floor. He ached to call her back, to beg her to climb into bed with him. He felt the heat of her body warming him.
Instead of Dora, he settled for the poor substitute of
clothes warm from the dryer.
A FEW DAYS LATER, Tony and Ritchie stopped by his hotel room.
Ritchie let out a whistle. “Danny, it looks like a bomb went off here.” He paused, eyes wide in horror. “Shit, I didn’t mean to say that.”
Danny tried to put him at ease. “Yeah, well, I could call a cleaning service, but that would be too cruel. I’ll get it straightened out eventually.” He ran his fingers through his newly washed hair. “I’ve gone through hell lately.”
Ritchie patted him on the back. “I know, buddy. What happened to Cathy and the baby makes me sick. It’s still hard to believe.”
Tony echoed his sentiments. “Danny, man, you look a lot better than the last time I saw you. Just remember, we’re your buddies. You mean the world to us. We don’t want to lose you.”
Danny’s eyes filled. His friends’ words made him feel ashamed. He’d thought he meant nothing to anyone. He hadn’t considered his best friends, and that was wrong. He should be grateful he had two outstanding buddies, and also a woman who cared a lot about him. He was not alone.
“Thanks, you guys. You’re choking me up.”
They had no idea of the wealth of emotions rushing through him. Only someone who’d been through hellfire and back could understand. He swallowed a lump in his throat. It was time to stop being a coward and live life. He had to make the effort.
He broached a tentative suggestion. “Want to go out for tacos, guys? That is, if the wives don’t mind.”
“No, they’re only too eager to get rid of us,” Tony said, laughing. “In fact, Tracy ordered me not to come home until I put a smile on your face. I told her that might take a while.”
“Marilyn gave the same order.”
“Okay, then prepare to spend eternity with me,” Danny said, the corners of his mouth twitching.
After dinner, Danny felt better. He hadn’t realized how much he needed his friends. With their help, he’d rise above what had happened. He wouldn’t give in to self pity.
He would not allow Kevin to defeat him. When it was time, he’d hunt down the bastard and give him his due. For now, he’d concentrate on survival. He’d go back to basketball. As before, it would sustain him. Also, it would keep him in shape for his mission.
That reminded him. Already a stack of envelopes loomed in one corner of the hotel room, reaching from the floor to almost the ceiling. Knowing they’d remind him of his loss, he’d avoided them. He shouldn’t. The cards and letters were from people who cared. He grabbed a handful and sat down at the table to read. The first was from a woman whose husband of fifty years had passed on. It read, Take courage, Danny. You’re not alone. I’ll pray for you.
The woman’s unselfishness touched him, making him feel ashamed. How much greater was her pain compared to his? She’d bonded with her man for so long she’d probably had little recollection of being without him, yet she’d had the heart to sympathize with Danny. He had a lot to learn from people like her.
He opened another envelope. A ten-year-old’s mother had died, yet he cared enough to console his basketball idol. Courage came in all sizes. He put that letter aside. He’d surprise the boy by sending him basketball tickets.
Danny delved into more envelopes, empathizing with the plights of the writers, sharing their miseries. In a way it made him depressed, but more than anything, it was therapeutic. As the woman in the first letter had written, he was not alone. Others fought misery day after day, but would not give up. Could he, a healthy, virile male, do less?
That made him remember. When he’d been laid up before, he’d become aware of others who’d fought infirmities. He’d vowed to help. Now was the time. His actions could work both ways. By assisting them, he’d find a way to channel his grief.
He’d always donated to charities, but had shied away from public displays. An urge swelled inside him to do more. He’d been blessed with talent. He was well known. He shouldn’t be so self-absorbed. He’d share his gifts, not only financially, but personally. He’d visit children’s hospitals. He’d promote charities. He’d make public service announcements and commercials and do anything it took. From now on, the focus would not be on him, but on others. It was time to acknowledge the rest of the world.
He longed to share his insights with one particular fan, but she was off limits. The fact he was strong enough to think of her needs and not of his own made him wonder. Did he love Dora that much, or was he wiser than before?