“Very,” I said, drawing the word out. “You haven’t seen anything yet. I’m going to rock your world.”
“You already have.” He’d rocked mine a little bit as well.
“So here’s a question for you,” I said, shifting the sheet up a little. “What are we doing?” I hated to have the “we need to define what this thing that we’re doing is” conversation in regular relationships, but I needed to know where he stood.
“Do you mean right now, or in general?” He shifted closer to me, stroking my stomach over the sheet.
“In general.”
“Why do I suddenly feel as if I’m about to fall into a trap?” he said. I rolled onto my side.
“I’m not trying to trap you, honestly. I’m just curious.”
“You want to know how I feel about you.” It was a statement more than a question.
“Now I feel like the one who’s about to fall into a trap,” I said. He laughed for a moment and then sighed.
“I like you, Blair. But I’m not sure that I’m ready right now to define this. To put it in a box. Boxes tend to be . . . confining. I’m not sure I should tell you this, but I’ve been married before. To Drake’s mother.” I knew that already, but I tried so show surprise as he told me.
“Did something happen to her?” This pretending business was harder than I thought it would be. I couldn’t look at him, and instead stared at his chest.
“I’d rather not talk about it. But we’re not together and I have full custody of Drake.” For the first time, hurt and anger colored his voice and I had a pang of guilt. My eyes scanned up his neck to his jaw, which was clenched tight.
“That’s very, um, admirable. That you were willing to take him.” His jaw clenched even tighter and he shook his head.
“He’s my son. I wasn’t going to let him go. He belongs with me.” The fierceness of his words had a direct line to my tear ducts and I pretended I had something in my eye so I could wipe them.
“Do you want to talk about something else? I’m sorry I brought it up,” I said, inching away from him a little. I didn’t know him well enough to know how to deal with his sudden change of mood.
But then his jaw relaxed and his eyes softened.
“No, it’s all right. It’s only natural that you’d be curious. What else do you want to know?” Pretending I didn’t already know the answer, I asked my next question.
“How old were you when he was born?”
“Nearly twenty.”
“Wow,” I said, and it was the thought I’d had when I’d first read the information.
“I was a bit rash in my youth. Some only have a tattoo, or an arrest to remember their younger days by. But I have Drake. I think I got the better deal.” He smiled, and it was as if the storm cloud had passed. Naturally, his divorce would be a tender spot.
I looked down before I spoke again.
“Did you love her?”
He seemed thrown off by the question and he was silent for a long time.
“At the time, yes.” His words were nothing but whispers, and I almost apologized again for asking. It was none of my business to be asking for him to bear his soul when I was, for all intents and purposes, using him.
Raine had never mentioned that part of the plan. Guilt washed over me when I thought about all the things I knew about Declan, and how I’d deceived him and continued to deceive him.
I wasn’t this girl. I didn’t want to be this girl.
“I’m sorry,” I said, the words finally coming out of my mouth. I couldn’t hold them back. He didn’t know what I was sorry for, which made me want to apologize even more.
“You don’t have to apologize, Blair. I wouldn’t have shared it with you if I didn’t want to.” True, but it didn’t erase the fact that I was still lying to him.
“Don’t you want to ask me any questions?” I said, peeking up from the sheet.
“Maybe. Will you answer them?” The sweet, flirty energy had returned, but the corners were still tinged with guilt. Maybe telling him some of my personal information would help.
“Sure.”
“Do you fancy me?” I giggled and moved closer to him. His hand stroked its way up and down my side, and I had the feeling that we weren’t going to be talking for long.
“Yes, Declan. I do. That much is obvious. I don’t normally have sex with people I’m not attracted to. Happy?” He started inching the sheet down my shoulder. Question time was going to be over soon.
“Do you like me enough to have dinner with me tonight?”
What a silly question.
“I’m not sure. I’ll have to think about that.” The sheet twitched lower, exposing my breasts. He paused, stroking the underside of one with his finger.
“What could I do to change your mind?” The finger circled upward until it brushed my nipple.
“I’m sure you’ll think of something,” I said.
“Oh my God,” I moaned a while later as Declan set to work convincing me to go to dinner with him by torturing me with orgasms. But a sound that had nothing to do with him going down on me penetrated my sex haze.
“Lucy, I’m home!” Raine called, slamming the front door behind her.
Declan’s head popped up from its place between my legs.
“Walt? You taking a nap?” Well, if I would have been, her voice definitely would have woken me.
“Shit,” I said, scrambling out of bed and throwing on the sweatshirt I’d been wearing. Declan just lay in bed, fully naked. As if he didn’t mind if Raine found us.
“Hide,” I hissed at him, but he just shook his head.
“Walt? You here?” Raine knocked on the door once, but then she busted right in. “Hey—Holy shit!” Her eyes went wide at seeing Declan in my bed and me trying to pull my pants on. And then she slapped her hand over her eyes.
“Raine! You have to wait for me to answer after you knock. How many times have we talked about this?” She’d walked in on me and my vibrator several times, but at least it had just been me. But Declan didn’t seem too upset. He’d just pulled the sheet over a strategic area and said, “You must be Raine.”
I pulled my pants on the rest of the way as Raine gaped at Declan.
“Hi,” she said before I marched over, grabbed her arm and yanked her into the living room.
“Holy shit, he’s here,” she said in a loud whisper. “And you were totally banging him.” She held her hand up for a high five, but I just glared.
“What? I’m happy for you. This is going really well.”
I glanced back at my bedroom door and then forced Raine to go into her bedroom and shut the door.
“He just showed up and one thing led to another. I’m seriously in over my head here,” I hissed at her.
Raine flopped on her bed and removed the clunky but supportive shoes she wore to work.
“I feel like shit, Raine. Why did you have to give me that dossier?”
“Hey, I didn’t hold a gun to your head and force you to read it.” I resisted the urge to punch her in the vag.
“I take responsibility for reading it, but what the hell do I do about it now? Do I tell him? I should tell him.” Raine shook her head violently back and forth.
“No way. You do not tell him. Because if you tell him now, it’ll be over.”
“Maybe it should be over. I just don’t see how this can keep going if I’m not honest with him.”
“Why do you have to be honest with him? I mean, right now you’re going on dates and screwing. He’s not your boyfriend. You’re not exclusive. You don’t have to bear your soul, Blair. This isn’t that kind of relationship.” Raine was much better at the casual sex thing. I tended to be all or nothing. Either I was with someone, completely, or not.
“But—” I started to say.
Raine stood up and put her hand over my mouth.
“You’re not going to marry this guy. And how do you know that he’s not hiding something from you?”
I pulled her h
and from my mouth.
“Because you looked up everything about him!” It took me a second to realize I’d yelled it. My eyes flew to the closed door, hoping Declan was still in my room and hadn’t heard my outburst. That would definitely signal the death knell of this little relationship. Or whatever it was.
“Look, I can go out if you need some more time. Or I can just make myself scarce,” Raine said as I pulled her door open and peeked out into the living room. No Declan.
I tiptoed back to my room and knocked on the door.
“Yes?” he said.
“It’s me. Are you decent?”
“Do you want me to be?” Ah, answering a question with a question. I just responded by opening the door. Declan, fully-dressed, was in the process of shoving his shoes back on.
“Hey,” I said, closing the door behind me. “Sorry about that.”
“I think I’ll recover. Is Raine all right?”
“Oh, I think she’ll recover as well. That wasn’t how I planned on you meeting her.” Not even close.
“I could fake selective amnesia, if you’d like.” He grinned at me and stood.
“That’s sweet, but you don’t have to do that.” Declan in clothes was secondary only to seeing him naked on the Sexy Scale. He really had a great body.
“It seems this would be a good time for me to take my leave. Did I manage to convince you about dinner tonight?” I finally smiled.
“Yes.”
“Pick you up at seven?”
“Uh huh.” He strode toward me, took my face in his hands and planted a sweet kiss on my mouth.
“See you soon.”
“Bye,” I said. He opened my door and I followed him to the front door. Raine’s door opened and she poked her head out.
“Nice to meet you! And I don’t think you look that much like Draco Malfoy.” Declan stopped and turned as I gestured to Raine behind his back.
Declan stared at Raine for a second and her face went red.
“Thank you for the compliment. I think. And I hope to see you again. Pleasure to meet you. Goodbye, Blair.” He winked at me and left.
“Damn, that is one sexy man,” Raine said, leaning against the frame of her door. I thought about getting after her for the Draco Malfoy comment, but it wasn’t worth it.
“I don’t like it when things are up in the air. I like having them nailed down. I’m already out of my element with this thing,” I said to Raine as she was making dinner for herself before my date.
“And besides, with everything happening with the library, this seems like a bad time to be doing anything.” I could hear the excuses coming out of my mouth, but some of them really were valid.
“Look, if you want to tell him, go ahead. I’m not going to stop you. But are you prepared to deal with what happens if you tell him?” She pointed her spatula at me.
“I feel like you’re advocating building a relationship on lies and that sounds like setting off a ticking time bomb.”
She poured me a glass of wine and slid it across the table like an old-timey barkeep. I probably shouldn’t be pre-drinking before my date, but I needed something to calm my nerves a little.
“No, I’m not advocating lying. I’m just saying that, if you don’t want this to be a long-term thing, and your only goal is to get some great sex and free dinners out of him, what’s the harm? I mean, telling the truth isn’t always the right thing to do. Look at Game of Thrones,” she said it as if it was the most obvious thing ever.
“How is Game of Thrones relevant right now?”
Her eyes narrowed to a dangerous level. “How dare you. Game of Thrones is always relevant.” I wasn’t even going to touch that one. Sure, I loved GoT as much as the next person, but Raine took it to another level.
“I’m not good at this.” I sipped my wine and toyed with the idea of canceling the date altogether. Sure, it would be awkward and he’d be hurt, and he probably wouldn’t let Drake go to the library anymore. He could poof out of my life and I wouldn’t even notice the difference.
Except . . .
Except I didn’t want to do that. I liked him and I wanted to spend more time with him. And maybe the whole stalker thing wouldn’t be an issue. I mean, how did I know he didn’t do the same thing? Maybe he had. Oh my God, what if he had?
“Whoa, slow the panic train. Take that thing back to the station.” Raine had seen my change in mood and abandoned her grilled peanut butter and banana sandwich to give me a hug.
“Where is your head at?” she said, peering into my eyes as if they would give her some clue.
“Nowhere.” I shook my head, trying to clear it. “Seriously, it’s nothing.” There was a knock at the door and I got up and went to answer it. Raine started to dash to her room, but I motioned for her to stay.
“Hey,” I said, giving him the once over. That man was made to wear a suit. Hot damn. His tie was ice blue and I’d worn a sapphire dress so we looked like we were almost matching.
“Stunning. Captivating,” he said, giving me a kiss on the cheek. This time he handed me a children’s book.
“I saw this and it reminded me of your tattoos,” he said as I looked at the cover of The Complete Book of Flower Fairies. In fact, I had a tattoo from this book and I quickly flipped through and found it.
“See?” He laughed when he saw the image and Raine cleared her throat. Both our heads snapped in her direction. She just waved using her spatula.
“’Sup?”
“Hello, Raine. Nice to see you again,” Declan said, doffing an imaginary cap.
“Very nice to make your acquaintance, sir. And may I say you look mighty fine in that suit?” She put on the fake southern accent she used when she mocked my mother. It was all in good fun, and I had a tendency to join in.
Declan seemed a little taken aback by Raine, but he recovered quickly.
“You may say so, ma’am and might I say that you look lovely this evening as well?” Surprised laughter burst from both Raine and me.
“I didn’t know you could do accents,” I said. He’d done nearly a perfect Georgia drawl, right out of Gone With The Wind. “I mean, other than the one you already have.” Raine skipped over and put her hand up.
“High five, Brit.” He slapped her hand and I stifled another giggle. For some reason, Declan doing a high five with anyone other than Drake was humorous.
“Thank you. And I apologize this morning, if you got more of a show than you intended. Modesty isn’t one of my virtues,” he said. He’d definitely been comfortable naked. I liked that. Although, if I was a man and I looked like him, I’d walk around naked.
“Hey, do what you gotta do. I’m not complaining.” Raine winked at me.
“Okay, this is getting into weird territory, so I think we should head out, yes?” I said, getting my bag before looking on in horror as Raine crooked her finger at Declan and then whispered something in his ear. He listened and then nodded. She patted him on the shoulder and then they both swiveled their heads around, as if they’d just realized I was there.
“Oh, please. Don’t let me interrupt whatever you’ve got going on over there,” I said, holding my hands up. Raine just rolled her eyes and snatched my unfinished glass of wine.
“Don’t get your panties in a bunch. Get out of here, you two. Go on.” She motioned and Declan came back over to me.
“And what were you two talking about?” I asked as he led me out the door.
“Nothing you need to be concerned about, Blair. I swear.” He had a smile on his face when he said it, so I believed him. It was probably something silly, knowing Raine, so it was low on the list of things I was going to stress about.
“Any news on the library?” he said as we rode the elevator down to the first floor.
“No, not yet. We’re doing a walkthrough tomorrow and I think the insurance company will be there to assess the damage. I really don’t want to think about how much it’s going to cost to get everything up and running again.”
We got out on the first floor and he held the front door for me.
“I shouldn’t have brought it up,” he said.
“No, it’s okay. It’s nice that you care. It’s just sad for all the kids. No more story time for a while.” The more I thought about it, the more I didn’t want to think about it.
“Maybe you could find a temporary space?” Declan held the car door open for me and I slid into the leather seat. So, we meet again.
“That still won’t replace the books, but I’m sure Madeline will come up with something. She wouldn’t let our patrons go bookless.” She’d buy all the books herself if she had to.
“I’m sure you’ll all think of something.”
I nodded and turned on his music.
“Still earning points, am I?” He pulled out of the parking space as the car filled with the sounds of “One” by Ed Sheeran.
“I love this song,” I said, closing my eyes so I could absorb as much sound as possible without the visual distraction of Declan. “You get two points for this one.”
He chuckled, and I opened my eyes. The lights from the car behind us illuminated Declan from behind. I almost wanted to ask if we could just drive around all night so I could stare at him.
“I have to ask you something,” he said, putting an end to my silent ogling.
“Yes?”
“Do you think I look like Draco Malfoy?” I held my laughter and shook my head.
“No. Not really. I mean, you have similar hair and you’re British. But you’re not evil and your dad isn’t a racist, elitist asshole. Or maybe he is?” Declan hadn’t talked much about his family, except for Drake, and the dossier hadn’t said much in the way of the elder Mr. Bennet’s personality.
“Some might say that, perhaps, but no. My father is a sweet man. Sometimes a little too sweet, I think. People like to take advantage, seeing it as a weakness.”
“I’ve always thought the kindest people are the strongest. At least that’s been true in my life.” Madeline had given me a job when some others would have turned me down flat. I couldn’t count the number of times she’d done little things for others, but she didn’t want anyone to know, or get any credit for.