(One way or the other, Dad’s always fuzzy.)
had nailed that one, too.
I picked up the paring knife we’d used to clean the strawberries for Smoothies: Round Two, and slit the top of the UPS box. “Where’s Will? He’s missing the most important event in this house.”
“Unpacking. He’s . . . a tiny bit anal about placing his belongings.”
“Yeah, well, tell him to keep his anal attitude away from me.” I was still a little touchy about some of my belongings, specifically the ones that I’d had to toss due to smoke damage and worse. “And don’t forget, we’re going back to Hell first thing in the morning to pull together some more parole board committees.” Jennifer Palmer had set the bar high for future parolees, but thanks to her, there’d be future parolees. I wanted to get them back into the world as quickly as possible, which meant I needed a lot more bodies to help.
I’d offered Lawrence and Cindy parole, and they’d both turned me down. Cindy because she’d found her purpose—she was now in charge of all social media and gossip in Hell, reporting to the Ant (and, I was sure, suggesting compliments the Ant could use to satisfy the parameters of the bet), and Lawrence wouldn’t leave her. Nor did she want to return to a world where her father was dead.
Ronald hadn’t shown up in Hell, so unfortunately I couldn’t tie off that loose end. Wherever he was, I hoped he had found some peace. I blamed Laura a lot more than I blamed him. And blame aside, even if I hated them, they had both paid for their grotesque mistakes.
I got the box flap open and stared at a familiar box.
No.
Couldn’t be.
But there was no mistaking them; I’d know those beautiful shoe boxes anywhere, all glossy black and purple and pink, as much works of art as the shoes inside.
I grabbed the note with trembling fingers.
Dear Ms. Taylor,
My assistant has been following your story on the news and told me you lost some of your shoes to a fire. I thought you might like some new ones so enclosed please find my summer collection. Would love to talk to you about repping my brand!
Sincerely,
Beverly Feldman
“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee—”
“My God.”
“—eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee—”
“The neighbors are gonna think there’s another fire.”
“—eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” I fought, and conquered, the urge to burst into tears of transcendent joy. “Look! Look! So many shoes! Oh my God! Oh, look at these! And these! Heels and flats! Look!”
Home.
* The Mares of Diomedes were huge flesh-eating horses! Ack! Can you imagine? Gives me the creeps just thinking about it.
* It’s complicated. The weirdness can be found in Undead and Unforgiven.
* Whoa! Am I the only one having a prom flashback? Ha!
* Sriracha and PB&J vodka exist! Run away!
* The great thing about that reference is, his hair has been awful for decades, and will continue to be awful, so whenever you’re reading this, it’s accurate.
* Betsy accidentally changed the timeline in Undead and Unfinished. Jessica hadn’t been pregnant in the old timeline. Now she was a mother, and devoted to her boyfriend, Detective Dick Berry.
* We got the backstory in Undead and Unfinished.
* Pop = soda, like Coke. It’s a Midwestern thing. I make no apologies for it, or anything Midwestern.
* It’s true! The coup that wasn’t took place in Undead and Unwary. Betsy looked fabulous throughout.
* Antonia’s backstory can be found in Dead and Loving It.
* BabyJon is Betsy’s half brother, the child of her father and her late stepmother, Antonia. Betsy is his legal guardian.
* Trick question! It’s all times in Hell.
* Ancient Betsy, an older Betsy from an alternate timeline, did it. Then she vanished forever without explaining herself, because she’s an asshat.
* From Undead and Unforgiven.
* Undead and Unforgiven. So gross.
* Lawrence was a real guy! He helped the settlers work with the natives and vice versa, and yep, that’s the nickname he got for it.
* Nostro, frequently referred to by Betsy as Nostril, Undead and Unwed. He was a humongous dick.
* This actually happened to me at one of my day jobs. He was bewildered that Plan Paper Clip didn’t work. I was bewildered that someone had given him a master’s degree.
* Undead and Unwed. All the madness starts here!
* Cookbooks without pictures are lame. That is all.
* Soooo much stuff happened: Undead and Unwelcome.
* No, really! Doctors and nurses are the best.
* Kind of. She did go back in time, but she didn’t bring a flashlight. Should’ve, though: Undead and Unfinished.
* So. Much. Undead and Unforgiven.
* Undead and Uneasy, Undead and Unworthy.
* Author’s note: I’m not great at thinking up names.
* You bet it does!
* Yep.
* Anyone who loves lutefisk might be a sociopath. Just sayin’.
* Undead and Unstable.
* She’s not. You can catch Fred’s backstory in Sleeping with the Fishes.
* It’s actually called Faneuil Hall. I’m embarrassed to tell you how long I lived in Boston before I realized that. It was more than a year. That’s how dim I am.
* Stressful, but in a good way. Except for the attempted mass murder. Undead and Underwater.
* It’s true. The Ant is literally the worst. And I say that in a book stuffed with plotters, killers, and devils.
* He does! But in a cute way. Look, I’m from the Midwest; I like potatoes. It’s not an insult.
* Onnie Betsy is baby talk for Auntie Betsy, as close as the twins could come to saying that when they were toddlers. As with many unthinkable, annoying family nicknames, it stuck. Signed, MJ “Daddy Long Legs” Davidson.
* Undead and Unfinished.
* Never!
* Undead and Unwary.
* Yeah, no.
* Babies do that. I’m sure of it. Malicious pee and rage poop.
* Undead and Unfinished.
* Bilateral rales. Very not good.
* Because they did. And what a story it is!
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MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Done
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