Chapter 14
“Elizabeth!” He freed his boot just as she reached him, hugging him with all her strength. “You’re here!”
She loved the feel of him. “I am! So are you!” They seemed to melt together. She wondered if he shared her relief.
He still held her in a bear hug. “Always, I’d always come back for you, sweetheart.”
“I wasn’t sure if you could.” Beth rather liked holding him this way, even in the open where anyone could see. “Mr. Granville might not have let you backtrack.”
Nick laughed at the idea. “Sam knew from the moment Bartlett said you’d been left here. No one had a choice over my returning, even if it were for the worst.”
Beth leaned back, unsure of what he meant. “The worst?”
“Yes.” He brushed a stray lock of hair from her face. “Your brother-in-law implied you passed away or was close to it when we left.”
“You thought I was dead and came back anyway? Why do that?”
“Because I care for you.” He kissed her forehead. “I needed to make sure I knew what happened to you, and Bartlett had been too vague for my liking.”
She took a deep breath, giving voice to the suspicions she’d had these past few days. “I’m sure he was. Daggart left me behind intentionally. My illness gave him the excuse.”
Nicholas laughed and said, “No one would do that. I can’t imagine leaving you behind in such a way, ill or not.”
“He would.” Before he could protest, Beth continued, “The night before you all left, he’d been talking about how expensive wagons were to ferry. A lone rider needed less fees to cross.”
“Why would he bring the wagon and leave you, then?” Nicholas loosened his hold on her. “Wagons and oxen are easier to replace than you ever will be.”
Her eyes filled with tears. Did he not see how expendable she was? “I’d like to think he’d intended to sell the wagon later. Otherwise….” Huge sobs escaped her and Nick pulled Beth closer. With her face pressed into his neck, she couldn’t stop crying. Relief of no longer being alone mixed with her assessment of her brother-in-law’s callous intentions. Nick held her, his body comforting as an old oak tree in a storm.
“What have you had to eat?”
“A few things.” She loosened her hold, but didn’t let go of him, needing the reassurance of his touch. “I found preserves still good. Plus, someone discarded flour, moldy in some spots but not others.”
He kissed her forehead. “I’ll fix you a decent dinner this evening.” Keeping his lips against her skin, Nick asked, “I’d prefer you not be alone again. Would you like to go to the shop with me?”
Beth shivered, “Across the river?”
“It’s not deep and you’ll be with me the entire time and mostly dry.” He leaned back, looking at her face. “Does that help?”
She returned his smile. “Yes, very much.”
Nick hugged her again, so hard her breath left her in a whoosh. He laughed, letting her go. “Sorry, I’m just so very glad to have found you.”
“I am too.” She let him slide from her arms, resisting the urge to cling.
He took her hand, leading Beth to Buck, grazing several feet away. “I also want to get you fed and rested.” Once at his horse, he added, “We can leave at first light tomorrow, maybe later if you’re still feeling ill.” He got up on his mount, took his foot out of the stirrup for her and held out his hand.
She placed her right foot in the left side stirrup, using his help to sit sidesaddle behind him. Wrapping her arms around his waist, clasping them together at the front, she said, “I do feel a lot better and have for a couple of days. I’d found a lot of discarded food, not all of it spoiled. Coffee was scarce, but I managed to boil a few beans. Even drinking the hot water helped me.”
He turned to look at her. “I’m glad,” he said and kissed her cheek.
Her face burned from all the blushing caused by his tenderness. Nearing the water distracted her from Nick’s affections, and she asked, “Are you sure it’s safe?” Before he replied, she interrupted, “Of course you are, how silly of me. If it weren’t, you’d not risk your life like this.”
“Oh, I’d risk mine, but I’d never risk yours.”
Before Beth could reply, he nudged the horse into the river. She held on as they crossed, the water high enough to reach the bottom of their shoes. She swallowed against the rising feeling of nausea and fear. “I don’t like this.”
“I know, and it’ll be over soon. There’s an oxbow bend in the river here, and it’d be too far to go around instead of crossing twice.” He placed a hand over hers clasped around his waist. “Plus one more time across and we’re done with the Platte. Next time is by ferry, all right?”
“I’m glad.” She held onto him, focused on the warmth of him through his shirt. Her face rested against his back, and she felt his muscles move as he controlled the horse. Water leaked inside her boots. Beth yelped at the sensation then laughed at herself.
“Cold, isn’t it? I’m sorry about not warning you.”
Hearing the smile in his voice, she grinned. “Don’t fret. It just took me by surprise. As long as this is the only water I touch, I’ll be fine.”
“We’re more than halfway across,” he said, squeezing her hands.
“Good.” She snuggled into him a little more, grateful for his strength. He smelled like dust and leather.
Nicholas glanced back at her. “Don’t breathe in too deep. I can’t remember the last time I washed.”
Beth exhaled in a laugh, his quip catching her by surprise. “You’re not bad at all. I miss my soap, or I’d smell better than you.”
“Soap or no, you’d always be fragrant in a way I like.”
“Hm, yes, fragrant would be a word for it, certainly.” With a start, Beth realized they’d reached the opposite bank already. She’d forgotten to be afraid of the water. Their chatting kept her mind occupied.
He grinned and held onto her hands covering his stomach. The horse climbed up the bank and Nick reassured her, “We can retrieve your belongings once we reach everyone else. In the meantime, we can buy a few things for us at the post store.”
“We?” Before thinking, she blurted, “Unless there’s a mouse in your pocket with money, I won’t be able to shop until Daggart gives me something worth trading with you.”
“Your former husband is a topic for discussion after dinner this evening.”
“Oh?” The hard tone of his voice bothered her. Had she offended him by hinting he’d have to pay for her expenses? She’d not meant to be even more of a burden to him.
“Yes. We’re going to discuss your life without Mr. Bartlett and where you go from here.”
“I see.” She didn’t feel able to guarantee Daggart’s future actions enough to call him a former husband. “His abandoning me is rather surprising. He’d always valued Lizzy more than anything else in the world. Now, it seems gold is his true love.”
Nicholas didn’t reply, instead halting the horse in front of the store. When he held out his hand and removed his foot from the stirrup, she used him for support and slid off the mount. She stepped out of the way, brushing against another horse tethered to the hitching post. Already she dreaded going inside the crowded building. People turned sideways to get past each other through the door. “I don’t need to go inside and can wait out here.”
Done tying off his horse, Nicholas took her hand. “I’m here to keep you safe, ma’am, and you’ll do fine in there.”
His authoritative tone made her smile. “I’m sure I will.” He led her in, the cheese and pickled herring aroma strong and the air heavy with tobacco smoke. The crush and noise seemed less oppressive with him so close. She gave him a squeeze as a silent thank you and he squeezed hers as well.
At the counter, he brought her around to his left to be at his side. He put a hand at the middle of Beth’s back, a subtle, steadying touch she appreciated. When a shopkeeper addressed him, Nicholas said, “We??
?d like a pound each of flour, corn, rice, and coffee. Also, a half-pound of sugar and soda, and a quarter pound of your freshest cheddar.”
Beth took in her surroundings. While she didn’t care for the close quarters, all the sights and sounds interested her. Customers bought goods from shelves behind the counter. Others, soldiers and women she supposed were wives, sometimes placed orders for finer things. Like the general store at her home, this place stocked fabrics. However, the bolts lay behind the counter. She sighed at her foolishness. Wearing a new dress and yet she yearned for more. Once they reached the others and her belongings, she’d have enough clothes.
“If we were still in Independence,” Nicholas said, leaning into her, “I’d have Henry repeat my fabric and sundries order.”
“You wouldn’t!” Looking at his profile, Beth realized he’d bought her dress’s fabric just for her. Nicholas had noticed after all, she thought, and knew how much she’d wanted the material. “I can’t let you buy me so much.”
“You’re right. I don’t have the room to carry much else. I’ll have to find you a horse of your own.” He turned to the clerk, “How much for what we have so far?”
The man answered and Beth gasped at the amount given. She’d been keeping a running total of the items in her mind and Henry never charged so much.
“Very well.” Nicholas handed over the money. “As I was saying, I wouldn’t repeat the order entirely either. You’d have to pick another fabric.” He nudged her shoulder with his. “Unless, of course, you needed two identical dresses.”
“Oh no,” she smiled at the thought. “I wouldn’t want that!”
“Didn’t think so, sweetheart.” He led her out of the store.
Her face heated from his endearment. “I couldn’t let you do so anyway. Once for necessity’s sake is fine, but not twice.” Following him, she added, “Especially if the second is only because you enjoy taunting me.”
“Taunting?” He divided the packages among his saddlebags. “No, I enjoy seeing you wearing clothes and shoes that fit. You deserve that much, at least.”
Beth didn’t agree but smiled instead, not wanting to argue with him. “Are we ready to endure another round of wet feet and then no more water for a while?”
“That’s right.” He readied to help her astride. “Not until the ferry tomorrow or until you decide I need a dunking.”
She hopped on Buck and wrapped her arms around Nicholas as before. “We both could use one, I’m sure.”
He turned back to look at her. “I agree. I’ll even let you scrub the dirt from me.”
The gleam in his eyes warmed her through. Her palm felt the pulse in his stomach. “Washing my dress at the same time I wash me might be beneficial too.”
He grinned. That’s something I’d like to see.”
She shook her head. “Don’t expect to do anything of the kind, mister,” she said as he straightened and urged the horse onward. Beth leaned against Nicholas as the animal picked his way down the river bank and into the water. Prior experience helped ease her fears about going back to camp. Water filling her boots no longer alarmed her. She breathed in, slow and steady. The waves sloshing when others passed them at a faster pace unnerved her a little. Buck’s amble helped to calm her.
“I’m glad you’re not as fearful.”
“I am too.” She gave him a reassuring hug. “I don’t like being such a baby about this. It’s made the journey more difficult for everyone around me.”
Nicholas exhaled, seeming frustrated. “As difficult as you say you’ve been for everyone else, your fears are what bothers me most. There are more turbulent waters ahead. Or, at least, there is on the way to Oregon Territory.”
Beth needed to ask what he knew about the trail to California but only cared about Oregon. Closing her eyes, she wanted to pretend Daggart didn’t exist. If he didn’t give Beth her few remaining belongings willingly, she might be forced to accompany him just to keep her heirlooms. She shuddered at the possibility of ever seeing him again. What if he’d already left the Granville party? Would Nicholas go with her to retrieve her things, or would she be on her own? She asked, “Have you ever been to California?”
“Going to the gold fields may be different.” He shrugged, adding, “Mr. Lucky and possibly Chuck might know. They’ve been down that way.” The horse began climbing onto the bank, stumbling a little. Nicholas placed his hand over hers on his stomach. “Hang on.”
The way up jounced her so she did as he said and held onto him. When the horse had a solid footing, Beth said, “Thank you for seeing me safely over and back.”
Squeezing her hands, he replied, “My pleasure, ma’am.”
She let go of his waist. “I suppose there’s no need to hold you so tight.”
“Then I must find another excuse.” He held out a hand as support for her to dismount. When she gripped him, he turned her palm up to kiss.
Tickles ran down her spine and she bit back a saucy comment. Instead, Beth held onto Nicholas and slid down from her perch. “I’m rather hungry. The shop smelled very good too.”
He dismounted. “I’m starving as well.” Unpacking his saddlebags, Nicholas knelt, placing the purchases next to the campfire. “Do we need to wash up these?” he asked, indicating the cooking utensils Beth had gathered while alone.
“No, I scrubbed them before and after using.” She picked up the cooking pan. “This one has dust in it now. I can get water to rinse everything.” Beth filled the bucket with all the dishes she’d found.
“When you take the pan, fill it half full too, please.”
Beth nodded, taking both a leaky pail and the pan to the river’s edge. She rinsed and half filled the pan. Each dish and utensil received a quick wash, and after she tried to bring back a full pail. By the time she reached Nicholas, a quarter of the contents had leaked through a hole in the side. Showing him the results, she said, “I’m sorry about the water. This was the best I could find.”
“Don’t fret. No one throws out a solid bucket.” He’d cut up a ham into chunks. Adding the meat, a handful of rice, beans, and corn into the cook pot, he said, “I brought some bacon with me, hoping I’d be able to share with you.”
“I’m glad you did.” Beth loved how he’d returned just for her. She watched as he stirred the food then sat back when done. “As soon as I woke up and saw everyone gone, I became afraid.” She picked up a flat rock to worry with, keeping her hands occupied. “I went to the ferry but couldn’t cross. No one leaves money behind here at camp. Just household goods and the occasional wagon.”
“If people did leave behind their money, this place would be a lot more crowded.” Nicholas patted her knee. “Did the storm hit here that first day too?”
“Yes, and it was horrible.” She saw how he stared into the fire instead of at her. His expression seemed angry, and Beth heard her voice waver. “The hailstones hurt until I found an old wagon to hide under until the storm passed. A few others huddled under with me.”
“Handcart Mormons?” He looked up at her, his face still grim.
She hesitated, wondering what he thought of them and of how much to say. Honesty being the best, Beth admitted, “Yes, I shared because they didn’t have shelter. We didn’t have any problems. I’d heard a lot of stories about them in town, and they’re a far nicer people than most say.”
Nicholas nodded and stirred the food. “I think that’s true of a lot of people in this world. What is gossiped about them is far removed from the reality.”
“Like the natives? I noticed quite a few of them in the store, all in various stages of undress.” She couldn’t help her curiosity. He’d been married to a native. Had his wife been near naked so much, she wondered. And had he? She bit her lip at the thought of him dressed like a savage. Her face began its heated blush from embarrassment. Still, Beth felt the need to ask, “Are they all so unclothed? Is it just in front of whites that they even bother with dressing?”
Nicholas laughed outright. “The colde
r the weather, the more they wear, no matter who is around them.” He glanced at her, grinning. “Most cover the more, um, vital parts.”
“That explains a lot,” she said, relieved at his amusement. “It’s rather hot here, so undressed seems best at the moment.”
He mixed flour, water, a little bit of soda, and some sugar to form a sticky dough and pressed it into biscuit shapes. “Did anyone harass you the past couple of days?”
The question, abrupt, took her by surprise. “No, a few came by, being nosy. I shooed them away, saying my husband was out hunting. I might have added I hoped he shot something because coming back empty handed always angered him.”
He grinned at her lie. “Very good.”
“The threat of a returning husband kept all but one away. He came back, but when I begged and pleaded for laudanum, he left.”
Pausing, his expression puzzled, Nicholas asked, “You wanted medicine from him? Why?”
“After he called me out, saying I was lying and he could do what he wanted with me, I agreed he could. I told him my husband had died of something too horrible to describe.” She folded her hands in her lap, looking down at them as if a modest young woman. “After he laughed at me, I said a lady doesn’t talk about her husband when he eliminates blood instead of urine.” She looked up at him through her lashes, smirking. “His jaw gaped open, so I added I was just starting my husband’s symptoms. He could have his way with me, but first, I needed medicine before I died too.”
Nicholas snorted, “He backed away, didn’t he?”
“More like ran away.” She paused her story until he quit laughing. “Word must have spread, because I was in something like a quarantine for the first day.”
He handed her a dish of food, saying, “Until they moved on, of course.”
“Of course.” Nicholas fixed his own plate, soon joining her.
“This meal is heavenly.” She paused before taking the last bite. “Why ever do you let me cook when you’re such an expert?”
“Because hunger makes a good sauce for me.” He pointed a shortbread biscuit at her, “You, however, are a great cook no matter how hungry I am.”
Nicholas’s beard was grown the most she’d seen since they’d first met. Dark circles colored the skin under his eyes, adding to the air of weariness Beth saw in him. “Nicholas, how far were you when you came back for me?”
“Not far, thirty miles or so.” He sighed, putting his dishes in the water pail. “If I had not been so keen on resisting you, I’d have left sooner and we would be caught up with the others by now.” He reached out his hand to her
She gave him her dishes. “The blame is mine too. I avoided you as well, despite my wishes.”
Nicholas stared at her for a moment. “We feel the same?”
His looking into her eyes in such an intense way caused her heart to thud. “It seems so.”
“I’ll wash up for us.”
“I can help.” She stood.
“No need. Stay here, keep an eye on our camp, and I’ll be back before you notice I’m gone.”
“Very well.” Beth watched him for a moment before turning to store their foodstuffs. When opening a saddlebag, she paused. Nicholas had a small Bible there, and she hesitated putting edibles in with it. Instead, she opened the other bag. She found a coffee pot with the beans inside, so placed the items in the second bag.
Nicholas walked up to her, dishes dripping still. “Thank you for putting away everything.”
“You’re welcome. One of your saddlebags is still empty.”
“I did that in case you needed the space for your belongings.” He walked Buck out a little ways to better grass and staked him with a discarded peg. “A woman can be left in the middle of a desert and in an hour find enough things to fill a saddlebag.”
She blushed knowing he spoke the truth about her at least. “That’s very thoughtful, thank you again.”
Nicholas walked up to her. “Stop thanking me and apologizing for everything.”
“I…all right.”
“I know, not easy, but it’s good you’re trying. I’m not your husband. There’s no need to be on tender hooks around me.”
“I’m not.” As he readied his bedroll, she caught his disbelieving glance and ignored it. What he thought didn’t matter. She trusted his kindness but couldn’t help her politeness habit. He’d have to learn tolerance, she decided, readying her own bedding next to his.
“Elizabeth, we need to talk about what will happen when we reach the others.” He pulled off his boots, flexing his toes.
Nicholas still wore the socks she made him. Beth smiled, saying, “I have been thinking already.” She pulled off her boots and socks, dismayed to find another hole in the toes. She’d seen wool in the store but not thought to say anything. Seeing Nicholas had distracted her beyond all reason.
“And have you reached any conclusions?”
“I need to go with them, since I have nowhere else to go.” She settled into her blankets, tired all of a sudden. Beth had to confess to him, “Although, I’d prefer to never see Daggart again. He left me here on purpose, breaking our vow to Pap.” She glanced over at him to see Nicholas laying back, staring up at the stars.
He shook his head. “You are in no way, shape, or form married to that man. And even if, in your convoluted mind you are or were, the union is over because the contract goes until ‘death do us part.’” Settling back into bed, he added, “You died and he parted, so whichever Elizabeth you decide to be, you’re not married anymore.”
She lay back down as well, nestled under the covers. Beth knew Nicholas was right. Daggart had no obligation to provide for her. His leaving her behind gave proof of this. Tears welled in her eyes, running down her temples and into her ears. “Then I have no one and nothing.”
“I think my feelings are hurt.” He reached over and brushed away her tears. “You have me for sure, and I’m certain you have Sam, plus all the men who work for us. We all care very much about you, some more than others.”
Beth sniffled, wanting to believe him. “Some do more than others?”
He chuckled as if catching her hint. “Yes, I do, more so than any other.”
Smiling at his admission, she said, “I’m glad, because I’d hate for this between us to be one sided or unequal.”
“Do you care more for me than anyone else?” He sat up a little and leaned closer.
She looked into his eyes as they reflected the campfire’s embers. “Very much so.”
“I’m not sure I believe you. You’ll have to prove it with a kiss.”
Putting both hands on his stubbly beard, she teased, “I don’t know if I want to kiss such a porcupine. If only there was a way to miss your quills.”
“Let’s try.” He gave her a gentle kiss, brushing her lips. “Is that nice?”
“Very,” she murmured, pressing her lips against his too. “But nothing more until your beard is all out or all in, I think.”
He smiled, closing his eyes, and she kissed his forehead, wanting him to rest. Nicholas unconsciously complied, his breathing slowed. Beth smiled, never having seen him asleep before now. He seemed younger, less serious. She wanted to hold him close, but resisted, not wanting to wake him. Before long, she fell asleep too.
Awake after dawn, she saw Nicholas’s empty bed next to her. Fear of being abandoned again hit her until she thought of how he wouldn’t have left behind his bedroll. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked around for his horse. The animal grazed nearby, still unsaddled. Relieved, she stood, looking toward the river. He walked toward her, carrying their water bucket. The container leaked a steady drip and she smiled. He’d shaved, held his wet shirt in his other hand, but still hadn’t fixed the bucket. “I slept far too late,” she admitted as he approached
He filled the cook pot with what remained of the water. “Don’t fret, we both needed the rest.”
“I’ve had enough and am ready to leave whenever you are.” She handed him the
coffee beans.
Nodding a thank you, he asked, “Before breakfast?”
“After dinner last night, I may not be hungry for a good while.”
Nicholas grinned. “Once the food starts cooking, you might change your mind. I’ll take care of coffee. I’d suggest cleaning yourself up and gathering whatever you’d like to bring.”
Looking at her bedroll, Beth shrugged. “I don’t have a lot.”
“Good, because I’m having a difficult time finding a horse for you.”
She gathered up her bedding, asserting, “I can walk. I have so far.”
Shaking his head, he argued, “No. You’ll not walk while I’m astride. You’ll ride my horse on the way back.”
“No, you’ll not walk while I’m astride either.”
He laughed, folding up his own bed into a seat of sorts. “Do you think we’ll ever say yes to each other?”
She blushed at the desire she saw in his expression. “At some point, I hope so.”
“So do I.” He nodded and went back to the campfire.
Beth went to the river as she had the prior mornings. Enough times and she had a system. She wanted a full bath but settled for washing her feet and the hemline of her dress. Later, when alone, she might be able to find a place safe enough to bathe. She needed to ask Nicholas if the Sweetwater River offered such a luxury. Once done cleaning, she wrung the water from her skirt and socks. Beth picked up her boots and made her way back to camp. Nicholas had been correct. The smell of coffee and bacon whetted her appetite as she approached. “Could we have preserves with our biscuits again this morning, or should we save them?”
He glanced up from cooking. “I think saving them is a good idea, maybe a little for flavor later.”
Wanting to help, she offered, “I could rummage through the discards for more food.”
He stood, glaring at her. “Absolutely not. You are your own person, but I forbid you to do such a thing ever again.”
She swallowed a rising lump in her throat from his harsh tone. “Oh? I don’t mind doing so if it’s necessary.”
His face softened into a sad smile. “We aren’t discussing this. You did what you had to while left here. But as long as I am anywhere near you and can provide, digging through rubbish for food is not an option.”
She nodded and took the biscuit and bacon he offered. A part of her felt offended by his bossiness. Another enjoyed him being so protective, something Daggart had never done. “I see.”
“Do you?” He ran a hand through his hair. “Because I don’t think you do. I care for you very much. When I think of you here alone, foraging through discards for food…” Nicholas looked up at the clouds. “When I think of how scared you must have been, then to learn of how you might have been attacked.” He looked at her, concern evident in his expression. “When I thought you were dead and likely left out in the open, I prayed some kind soul took the time to bury you. Then, I thought of you buried and how would I know where you rested?”
Beth smiled to reassure him and keep the catch she heard in his voice at bay. “Nothing happened and everything is fine now. You’re here to get me back home, I suppose. I’m feeling better now with some solid food in me. Coffee, too, has been beneficial.”
“You’re right, I’m being foolish about imagined events.” He drank the last of his coffee and indicated his horse. “I’ll try to find you an animal I can afford.”
She brushed the crumbs from her dress, worried about the cost. “I don’t know if I could repay you for such a thing.”
“Consider this a loan, and it’s only if I have the money to cover the cost.” Nicholas stood, taking her cup, adding it to his and the cook pot. “I didn’t bring everything I had, just enough to get me back to the others after I found you.”
Beth stood, making a give-me motion for the dishes. “I’m glad you came back for me, even so.”
He grinned, handing over the dishes for her to wash. “Me too. Now, providing you’re able to travel, I’ll get started on finding you a mount.” He saddled up, double checking the bit in his horse’s mouth and patting the animal’s nose.
She nodded, wanting to argue, instead. How could she ever repay the cost of such an animal? Even if she sold everything after catching up to Daggart, she couldn’t afford to pay him back. She watched as he crossed to the fort. Maybe she didn’t have money to return his kindness, but she could do everything else. Beth took the dish pail to the river’s edge. Staring into the water, she thought of how attractive he’d looked without a shirt. If they shared a horse and he rode without such a covering? Beth shivered with desire at the thought. She scrubbed at the plate. She rather liked the kiss last night. Shaking the water from everything, Beth had to admit she enjoyed every kiss with Nicholas.
She wondered if she should suggest riding in tandem on the same horse. What might be pleasurable for a few miles might not be so after tens of miles. Beth shrugged off the worry, knowing she could always walk if riding became difficult.
Nicholas returned with a stormy expression. “I couldn’t find anything resembling a horse for you.” He dismounted, still frowning. “And what they did have, they wanted an entire gold mine for in exchange.”
“Goodness!”
He smiled a little. “Yes, I know you want to protest but I’d rather just share my horse all the way there than have you walk since you’re too stubborn to let me walk while you ride.”
She grinned at him. “I’m glad you know that now.”
Nicholas checked what few belongings they had and nodded. “You’ve packed up everything. Very good! I might make a trail hand of you yet.” He picked up his saddlebags, placing them astride the horse’s shoulders instead of his rump.
His acceptance without anger felt wonderful. Beth rather liked life with someone not finding fault in everything she did. “I couldn’t fit the blankets into your bags, so I rolled them as you and the other men do. Is that what you needed?”
“It’s just right.” He made certain the ties keeping them in a cylinder held. “We can put these between us to keep the cantle from bruising your stomach. You might also be more comfortable sitting astride from here on in.”
His thoughtfulness appeased her heart. She waited until he sat in the saddle before taking his hand and joining him. She placed the bedrolls between them as he’d suggested. “What happens if the horse gets scared and gallops? Will I fall off and break my neck?”
He clicked the animal to go, chuckling. “It takes a lot for this guy to spook. Falling asleep and topping over is more of a worry for you than him bolting.”
Teasing him, she asked, “Should I untie one of these and tie myself to you?”
He turned, giving her an ornery look. “I wouldn’t complain about that if you did.”
“Maybe I will if the trail becomes steep.”
Nicholas laughed outright. “I can make that happen in a hurry so you might as well prepare now.”
Her cheeks heated at the thought. “I don’t know, tying myself to you seems extreme.” She could see how he still grinned.
Leaning back, he bumped into her, returning her teasing. “If you feel the need, you have my full cooperation, sweetheart.”
“Thank you, I think.” She returned his smile as he again faced ahead and nudged Buck into a faster walk.
Riding the ferry, they’d not needed to dismount, paying from horseback. The day grew warm, almost hot. The bedrolls did protect her from the cantle’s jostles. She liked riding. The speedier travel let her see more of the mountains and landscape. Showers tracked north and east, missing them but giving a rain scented breeze. She looked at the back of Nicholas’s neck. A sheen of perspiration shone there, the black curls damp with moisture. She felt a trickle of sweat down her cleavage and resisted the urge to scratch. “How far do you intend to go today?”
“As far as possible without causing you injury. Maybe fifteen miles since we had a late start.”
Beth sighed. “The country is lovely here. It??
?s a wonder more people haven’t settled.”
“They forget, I suppose, that Oregon isn’t the only place to live.”
“I’m sure.” She fell silent again, wanting to ask him a myriad of questions. Yet, Beth didn’t want to be intrusive. Instead, she kept to a safe subject more interesting than the weather. “Will we stop for midday?”
“I’d like to noon at Warm Springs.”
She bit her lip, unsure of how best to tell him. “I might need to answer nature’s call before then.”
He laughed. “I blame the coffee.”
“Even so, may we stop before noon?”
Grinning back at her, Nicholas said, “Very well, we can stop here. There’s not much grass, but the water looks good for the three of us.”
When he pulled the horse to a halt, she put her foot in the empty stirrup. Beth tried to lift her right leg to jump off, but couldn’t. “Nicholas, I think I’m stuck somehow.”
He laughed a guffaw. “I’ll bet you are. Have you ever ridden a horse before now?”
“Don’t be mean. I have a few times.” She bypassed his offered hand and held on to his shoulder. With that, she managed to drag her leg over the horse’s rump and down with her left leg. “Just not so much all at once.”
“Take it easy dropping to the ground.” He kept his hand out, waiting for her to hold it.
Beth slid her grip from his shoulder to his hand. She eased her foot down, her legs almost numb. “This is more difficult than I’d anticipated.”
“I’m sure.” He leaned over to let her reach dirt without falling in a heap. “It’ll take a while, but you’ll be used to horseback by the time we reach the others.”
“Just in time to continue walking.” She stepped back, a little unsteady, to let him off the horse as well. “Maybe I should go ahead and walk anyway. You could scout ahead for safety and ride back to me when done.”
He took food from his bag. “No. We’ll make better time with you on horseback, and I refuse to be the only rider.” He handed her a biscuit and broke the seal on the jar.
They ate, Beth feeling rushed by Nicholas’s hurried tasks. He let Buck get a drink and graze a little while she found a private place. Once finished, she found him, watching the animal eat. “I think I’m ready, if I can get back onto the seat.”
He grinned. “I’ll see that you do.” He swung up, bringing her with him once settled. Their movements flowed better this time.
She kept the bedrolls between them after a bump jabbed the cantle into her. It stung a little, fading after a few minutes. The initial soreness from the morning’s ride also eased. The horse’s quick walk lulled her to sleep until feeling a few sprinkles of rain. A cold wind brought the heavy smell of wet to them. “We’re getting a bath in a moment,” she said when seeing the wall of showers drifting their way.
“Yep, and I’d feel better if we were lower.” He turned the horse a little to the south. They rode alongside a cliff so lighting might find a higher target. “Let me know if you need to stop. Otherwise, I want to camp at Good Springs tonight.”
The rain increased, chilling her. “Is it far?”
Taking her arms, he wrapped them around his waist. “That’ll keep you warmer. It’s eleven miles ahead. Not bad, but a lot to get in before sundown.”
“I suppose the springs will be worth the effort, being good and all.” The rain pelted them, drenching them in a moment. “Do we have any soap?”
He nodded. “We do. I bought a bar at the post.”
She squeezed around his torso in appreciation. “Thank you, assuming I may use some too.”
“You’re welcome. It’s been rough being downwind from you.”
“What?” Beth leaned away, horrified she might have offended him. “Oh no.”
Nicholas laughed, saying, “I’m joking with you. I like your scent, even if a little scrubbing would help.”
Making a show of sniffing, she retorted, “You’re not exactly the best smelling thing around here either.”
He turned, giving her head a teasing bump with his. “So that leaves Buck as the most attractive animal here?”
“I suppose it does.”
They rode on for a while before Nicholas said, “Your scent resembles wildflowers, and sometimes clean cotton. Other times, you’ll remind me of campfire smoke and bacon.”
His admission took her by surprise, and she laughed loud enough to embarrass herself. “I suppose I should be glad to be so appetizing.”
“You should.”
“Now it’s your turn. I think you smell like leather, sun warmed linen, and sometimes sweat, but not in a bad way. Isn’t that odd? Then, in the morning, you’ll have a campfire and bacon perfume too.”
Nicholas chuckled. “Perfume, huh?” He looked back at her. “We pay entirely too much attention to each other, don’t we?”
“I think so, considering Daggart and Pap,” Beth replied, looking at him. The storm clouds mirrored his gray eyes. When he faced her like he did, Nicholas’s lips were close enough for her to kiss. A lean forward and lifting her chin helped her reach him. When their lips touched, he paused, and she felt him breathe in sharp. He broke their contact, turning his torso to her.
While standing a little in the saddle, Nicholas pulled Beth closer. He kissed her with an intensity she felt to her toes. His slight stubble scratched just enough to remind her of how manly he was, but not enough to hurt. She caressed his face, enjoying the rough feel against her palm. He groaned when she did so and kissed down to the underside of her chin.
When he said, “I’d have to be a contortionist to take any further liberties,” she laughed. He kissed her once more and faced forward. “I will absolutely smell better than my horse when we bed down tonight.”
She thought of sleeping with him and Beth felt her cheeks burn. If they both bathed, would they share more than sleep by the morning? She shivered.
“I’m chilled, too. We’re already out of the rain shower’s path. We’re sure to find sage or wood to burn at camp this evening.”
They made good time, covering ground until the shadows lengthened. With the western sun in her eyes, Beth leaned her cheek against his shoulder. His hat brim blocked the sun for him. She lowered and rested her hands around Nicholas’s hips. A slight sweat beaded her upper lip as she thought about how strong he felt. In the quiet, her stomach growled loud enough to catch his attention. She felt his quiet chuckle and said, “Sorry, it has a mind of its own.”
“Mine does too and happens to agree. Another mile and we’re stopping for the night. But then, I see others are here already.” Nicholas indicated ahead with a nod of his head.
She straightened. “Do you know them?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“I’d prefer to not socialize if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind at all.” He patted her leg as if to reassure her. “We can pretend we’re newly married and want our privacy.”
She raised an eyebrow at this and bit her lip. “Won’t they know we’re not honest? Especially when I blush at every word?”
Letting her slide down first, he said, “Maybe that’s normal for a new bride.”
“I suppose.” Beth stepped back to give him room. “Lizzy did blush a lot.”
He pulled the reins over Buck’s head and waved to one of the men looking at them. “Stay here and set up camp for us, please. I’ll visit with them some, saying I have a new wife to attend to and leave in a short while.”
“Very well.” Her face burned as he walked over and began chatting. She envied him his easy way with strangers. The women may be fanning themselves over his brother, but everyone else who met Nicholas seemed to respect him. She pulled the saddlebags from the horse, laying them a few feet away. More unwieldy than heavy, she pulled off the saddle with an awkward tug. She set it on the ground, pommel down so the horse’s sweat could dry.
Raucous laughter caught her attention and she looked up at the noise. Nicholas stood with his back to he
r, the men around him laughing. He must have told them of their pretend marriage, she surmised. They made hoots and catcalls like the people at Lizzy’s and Daggart’s wedding. Ignoring her embarrassment at the attention, Beth focused instead on removing the bit from Buck’s mouth to help him eat better. Once done, she led him to a ravine a little south of the others. They’d not stopped often and she lingered a while to let him get his fill.
Strolling up to her, he put his arm around Beth. “Well, wife, we’re on our own tonight. They’re going to let us have our ongoing honeymoon.”
His bold move flustered her. “Nicholas, are you sure…”
“I told them we’ve been married for a few months, but the new hasn’t worn off of either of us.”
She laughed at his triumphant grin. “Very well, I’ll try to act like you’re still irresistible after all these months.”
“I’ll help.” He slid his arm around her waist and brought her to him. Nicholas tipped her back a little and kissed her in a long smooch. She held onto his arms to keep from falling backward.
As he eased back upright, she put both hands on either side of his face and returned his kiss. He paused, still as stone. “We need to stop or we’ll give them more of a show than you intend.”
She glanced at the onlookers, her face hot from shame. “I’m sorry. I became carried away by the ruse.”
“I’m not complaining, I’d just rather wait until there’s no audience.” Nicholas took her chin, lifting up her face to give her another kiss.
Beth turned from him, shy and still holding the reins to his horse. “How about you start a fire while he eats? Then I can cook supper if you like. You’d mentioned getting cleaned up while it rained.” She took his hand, leading him and Buck back to their planned campsite. “Now I have my heart set on smelling like something other than old socks.”
“I’d like to smell a little better myself.” Taking his saddlebags, he said, “I’ll make a decent fire and start the food. When you’re done, come eat with me, and it’ll be my turn to wash before bedtime.” He glanced at the horizon. “We don’t have too long before dark.”
“I’ll get started, then.” She smiled and turned to lead the horse to some scrub brush near the creek. Beth walked a little south, looking for even a tiny basin of clear water. She found a decent sized swimming hole a few yards from camp and walked up to it. She almost cheered upon spying sand at the bottom of three foot deep water and went back to camp.
“Were you successful, wife?”
Beth laughed at his comment, thinking him silly to say such a thing. ““Yes! It’s wonderful and I can see the bottom.” She saw the concerned expression on his face. “Of course I need to get over my fears, but until then, it’s a nice place to wash.”
“All right.” He dug around in a bag, “Here you go. Leave the horse here and I’ll hold supper until you’re done.”
She almost hopped with glee. “Thank you so much!” She smelled the soap. “What a lovely fragrance! Are you sure you’d want to use this though?”
He gave her an intense look. “In an instant if it meant I smelled like you.”
The warm tickly feeling in her stomach began, and Beth’s face grew hot yet again. “Very well. I’ll be sure to save some for you.” Beth turned, going back to the small bathing spot she’d found.
Since the ravine concealed her from anyone else, she pulled off her dress. Dirt turned the hem to brown and Beth sighed. Both she and Nicholas knew better than white with flowers, but the fabric had been so lovely. Maybe the new soap would remove most of the dirt. Confident her undergarments kept her covered should anyone happen by, she lathered and scrubbed the dress’s skirt. The white remained a slightly creamy color before she went on to wash and rinse the rest of the garment. She laid the dress on some nearby brush to begin washing herself.
Beth undid her braid, running her fingers through the waist length hair. She needed a good cleaning as much as her clothes did, and her chemise needed mending. Beth sighed, wondering when or how to ever get the materials to fix everything. Everything would have to wait until reaching the others. Instead, she focused on washing her body. The chemise made the task more difficult, but she didn’t want to be nude with others so nearby.
Once the stream carried the suds from her, she worked up a thin lather in her hair. She rinsed her scalp by bending over the water. The expensive soap Nicholas purchased wasn’t as strong as the lye she made and Beth enjoyed it. Mosquito bites were bad enough without adding lye to the irritation. Beth flung her sodden hair up and behind her. The wet hair slapped her back and she grinned. Thought it may not dry until morning, at least the dirt and grime from the trail no longer clung to it.
“Is it my turn?”
Beth saw Nicholas standing at the bank, hands in his pockets. The way he looked at her, she felt like prey in front of a predator. “Yes, of course. Do I need to finish cooking dinner for us?”
“No, it’s done and waiting for you.” Nicholas went to her, holding her upper arms. “Do you need my help?” He leaned in toward her.
Aware of how thin her chemise was and how close he stood, Beth shivered a little. “I’m done, but….” She leaned forward, wanting to feel the same tingles as when they’d kissed on horseback. Their lips touched and her insides turned to oatmeal mush. He wrapped his arms around her and she moaned an “Um hmm,” in appreciation. Beth loved how he held her as if needing her even closer. She returned every nip and lick he gave her.
He broke away first. “You need to eat and I need to get cleaned up.” Nicholas set her back at arm’s length. “Go and I’ll be there when I’m done.”
“I can’t help you here instead?”
He laughed, “No, not like you’d think. Go eat.”
“Very well.” She climbed the ravine to their campfire, scooping up her dress as she went. Turning her back to him, she pulled her damp dress over her head. She used the fabric as a cover to slip off the chemise before putting her arms through the sleeves. As it pooled around her feet, she put her clothes on completely. He had the food kept warm and ready for Beth at the campsite. She ate the dinner, plain but filling.
Nicholas joined her, shirtless and in wet pants. The fabric clung to him, she saw before looking away as her morals fought her desires.
“Have you had enough?” Nicholas asked, scooping some beans and rice onto a plate.
“Yes, thank you.” Beth sighed, wanting something to do so her hands kept busy.
He ate, focused on his food. “Don’t worry, as soon as I’m done, we’re going to bed.” He took another bite, saying while chewing, “We have a long day of travel tomorrow.”
“All right, I’m pretty tired already.”
“So am I.” He set his plate on top of hers. “We should wash up, but I’m exhausted and just want to bunk down for the night.”
“The dishes could wait until morning, while the bacon cooks and the coffee boils.”
“I agree.” He settled into his bed. “Are you going to be warm enough tonight?”
“I should be. I’ve slept like this the entire way here.”
Sitting up on an elbow, he said, “Wet? I doubt it. Your dress is still dripping. If my shirt wasn’t still drying, I’d let you have that to wear.” He thought for a moment. “Tonight is going to be cold and I have an idea. Take off your dress and leave off your undergarments. Let them dry tonight, and wrap up in your blanket.”
She gave him a stern look. “Is that safe?”
Nicolas laughed. “Probably not, but I’m not wanting you sick, either.”
“I won’t be.”
“Sam said the same thing when we were kids. Just before he caught pneumonia, of course.”
“Very well. If it will stop your fussing, I’ll undress.” Beth faced the fire, knowing how what she did might lead to more. She eased down to sit on her bed. “Could you hold up my blanket, just so no one will see.” Nicholas sat up and held the blanket out like a screen, blocking everyone’s view of her, incl
uding his own. She glanced behind her to be sure and lifted the dress over her head and off. In almost the same motion, she wrapped up in the blanket. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Move your bedroll over here and I’ll keep you warm.”
An oafish snort escaped her. “I’m sure you will.” Still, Beth pulled her bedding adjacent to his and let him under the covers to snuggle his stomach against her back. She lay still, feeling his breath in her hair. He put an arm around her, his hand rested on her stomach. She wanted more from him, but didn’t know quite what. “Nicholas? I don’t know if we should be so close. This feels dangerous.”
“It does, but I don’t want to let you go.”
She turned to face him. “I don’t want you to, either.” Beth accepted his kiss, even when his tongue raked her teeth. Combing her fingers through his hair, she squeezed him tighter.
He broke away to ask, “Should we continue, or say goodnight?”
“I want more, Nicholas,” she replied, feeling an emptiness only he could fill.
He groaned while kissing her again and nipping to the base of her neck, not stopping until his face nestled into her cleavage. His touch led her to the edge of a cliff and she didn’t want him to stop. Beth had never experienced such intimate touching before, and she shuddered at how good his lips felt there. When she ran her hands down his back, he moaned. She smiled at his reaction, asking, “Do you mind?”
“No, please continue.”
She felt his firm muscles tense under her caress and felt the same anticipation in her own body. “I’m not sure what else to do with you.”
“It’s all instinct, or should be.” He looked into her eyes. “I’m no different from any other man.” Nicholas kissed her chin, sliding up so their lips met.
She gasped, feeling the hardest part of him between her legs, and forgot to argue how exceptional he felt to her. Beth held on to his shoulders, both afraid of the building hunger in her, yet needing more from him. She paused to give herself one last chance to refuse anything increasingly intimate. His insistent point so close to completing her tempted her sorely. His kisses, his touch, and the feel of his skin against hers all intoxicated her into letting him have whatever he desired. She reached under the waistband of his pants and at the same time lifted her hips so he pressed a little more at her opening. The sensation sent a ripple of lust through her. “Nicholas? Would you please take me now?”
“Oh God yes, Elizabeth,” he whispered against her ear.
She felt him slide into her, easy at first and more than halfway. He didn’t stop or even pause, instead pressing through until she felt a slight resistance. Beth gasped at the discomfort, which ended almost as soon as it began.
Nicholas stopped, being very still. “Have you never done this before?”
His question called to mind all the other times, events she never wanted to remember again. “Nick, I, I’d thought so, but not like this, not with so much of a man.”
His body relaxed as if boneless and then shook with silent laughter. “You flatter me.”
“I don’t mean to, but this is something else.” She pressed her face against his neck. Feeling his heartbeat, his breath, the salty clean smell of him, Beth wanted tonight to wash away every prior bad experience her body had ever had. “Could you continue?”
“If you insist….”
Hearing the amusement in his voice, she kissed his neck. “I liked how easily you entered me.”
Nicholas exhaled, hard, as if needing strength. “God, so did I.” He withdrew a little and slid in again, this time a little further than before. “This doesn’t hurt?”
“No.” She wrapped her arms around him, his body hard against hers. Beth understood and shared his tension, even if she wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. She wiggled her hips, surprised at how pleasant being pinned down by him felt. “Maybe move again, please?”
He gasped out a strangled, “Yes, ma’am.” He continued moving, slowly at first, then faster.
She looked at him, and seeing his face pained, wondered if this now hurt him instead of her. “Is this all right for you?”
“Yes.” Nicholas slid his hands under her back, holding Beth tight against him. “Better than I ever imagined.”
“Good.” She enjoyed how he filled her too much and then withdrew. “Oh, very good.” Just as she longed for him again, he entered her yet again. Each time, he built a hunger within Beth she didn’t understand. She ran her hands up and down his back as if that could give her relief. His thrusts slowed and a little cry of protest left her. “No! I’m so close, you can’t stop.”
He turned his face away with a growl. “I’ll do what I can.” He continued to stay up on his elbows but kept his eyes closed while he thrust into her.
The feel of his bare skin against her thighs thrilled Beth. Nicholas’s teasing movements built up a pressure she wanted eased. To help, she lifted her hips each time he pushed forward. “Yes, Nick, more.” She shuddered, fearing the increasing strain would never end.
When he said, “Let go, Beth, let me….” she responded in an instant. Every muscle, every pulse in her body throbbed in pleasure radiating from his center to hers. She cried out a little before biting his shoulder so others couldn’t hear. He continued to move, beyond the point where her tremors eased. His pace increased and when he stopped, Beth held him as his body echoed hers in relief. He cried out into her neck, every muscle tight with the long held release. Now relaxed, she enjoyed feeling him experience the same pleasure she’d felt.
Nicholas lifted his chin, looked into her eyes, and said, “You’ve honored me far more than I’ll ever deserve.”
She smiled at him, still in her. “Whew! No wonder the Murphy’s have so many children. This is very enjoyable.”
“I agree.” He chuckled and nuzzled along the side of her face. “You’re amazing.” Nicholas turned away and yawned. “You’ve done me in, sweetheart.”
Turning Beth to where her back faced him, he pulled her close, his arm wrapped around her waist. She didn’t mind, enjoying the feel of him against her. Lulled by her body’s relaxed state and his warmth, Beth fell asleep.
Beth reached consciousness in short stages. The cold seeped into her bones first. The dawn so new, the sun’s light didn’t yet touch the frozen dew. She didn’t feel Nicholas at all and sat up in a hurry. Had something happened to him, she wondered while looking for his horse. Beth didn’t see Buck anywhere, so had he left her? His blanket still covered her, while his bedding also lay on the ground. He had to be nearby. A movement to the south caught her eye. Nicholas approached carrying a few pieces of firewood.
“You’re awake,” he said, putting the wood on the dead embers. “Good. Let’s get started on the day already.” He looked up from starting a fire and indicated her dress. “You’ll want to be wearing clothes, since the other camp is still here.”
Her eyebrows rose at the suggestion. She’d not been unclothed in front of anyone in such a way. “Of course.” Beth wore her blanket as a wrap and kept it to cover her as she shrugged into her dress. “There, crisis averted.”
He gave her a stare and shook his head. “We’ll need water.”
Without a word, she took the cook pot and headed for the river. She made her way back to see the fire going well.
Before Beth could ask, Nicholas anticipated her question and answered, “Yes, I need you to start the coffee while I mix the dough.”
“Very well.” She started the coffee and sat on the bedroll, still half asleep.
“You could fold up our bedding while I cook our breakfast,” he said, concentrating on his task.
“I could, after a cup of coffee.”
“You could now while we’re waiting.”
“You can stop giving me orders since I know what to do. The sun is barely up, I can be sleepy if I want.”
“I can order Miss Roberts around like she’s one of my hands,” he replied. “I had no say so when you were Mrs. Bartlett, but now?
I can tell you exactly what to do for the benefit of our party.” Nicholas handed her his pocketknife and the preserves from his saddlebag.
She took them in a huff, retorting, “How kind of you to treat me as one of your men. Do I get pay for this?”
He grinned. “Your payment is time spent with me.”
“My goodness, I’m underwhelmed.”
“Good, I hoped so.” Nicholas sealed up the jar. “Seriously, though, I’d prefer if you did as I say most times. Not because I want to be your boss, but because your welfare is important to me.”
She tried to still be angry, but couldn’t in light of his obvious concern. “I appreciate that and will do as you say.”
“Not entirely, I hope.” Nicholas kissed her cheek on his way to get Buck. “I don’t like when you give in to Bartlett and wouldn’t like you giving in to me so easily.”
“You are so impossible. Like trying to catch a chicken in the open field. Just as I’m close, you run away, cackling.”
Once on the horse, he asked, “Like a chicken, eh?”
“Yes, but not afraid like one, just wily.” She gave him a droll stare and he laughed.
He held out his hand to help her up. “As much fun as you are to bother, we need to saddle up again.”
“Very well.” She washed while he folded and packed, ready to leave when he was.
The day passed in a hurry. She’d make comments to him on the land, noting the mountains to the north and west. Nicholas replied in single words. At early afternoon, they stopped for a little while. Beth took the opportunity to walk around while the horse grazed at the sparse grass. “Are we going to eat too?”
He shrugged, saying, “I’d prefer not to at the moment.”
Beth tried and failed to keep a hungry edge from her voice. “Didn’t you make extra at breakfast?”
“I did.” He sighed. “All right, eat one or two biscuits now, and I’ll fix a good sized dinner this evening.”
She went to his saddlebag for food. “Did you want one also, and the preserves?”
“I suppose so, and hold off on the preserves for now.”
Beth made a face while turned away from him. Too bad he couldn’t suppose himself a better mood, she thought. Hadn’t last night been a momentous event, one to give a person a brighter outlook on life? She handed a biscuit to him and bit into her own. Sullenly, Beth knew jam would have made the small meal taste better.
He glanced at her. “I don’t want to hear your argument. No telling how far ahead the others are, and I have nothing to trade when that runs out.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t have to, your face shows your thoughts.” He got up on his horse and held out his hand for her to follow. “Let’s get started.”
Wordless, she let him help her. His bad mood had affected her too, despite her struggle to prevent it. When placing a bedroll between them, she was glad to soften the cantle as well as keep her distance.
They rode for miles. Only the horse’s hooves on the rocks and dry ground along with the hum of insects sounded. Tired and still unhappy with Nicholas’s attitude, Beth concentrated on what to say to Daggart when she faced him. All she wanted from him was her trunk, some food, and an ox to pull whatever discarded wagon she could find. She’d gladly be dead to him once more, after he met her conditions.
“We’re still a ways from Horseshoe Creek. It’s a decent place to camp, and I’d like to get there before dark.” Nicholas looked back at her. “Would you like to stop here and stretch your legs?”
She squeezed his shoulder, grateful for the suggestion. “Yes, that sounds lovely.”
“All right.” Holding out his hand, she took it, sliding off due to being sore. As she landed with a grunt, he said, “We can’t stay too long.”
“Of course.” She walked down to the bottom of an almost dry creek bed with him as he led the horse to the thin stream of water. “Will we have dinner before dark?”
“I’ll see that we do.” They both watched as Buck nosed around for grass. “I know you’re hungry, Beth. I am too.” He reached up and brushed a stray lock of hair from her face. “Tonight’s meal will make up for noon’s lack.”
“Thank you.” She smiled, her mood softening from his warmth. “I’m trying to not be difficult.”
“You have a couple of days alone and hungry to catch up from and I need to remember that. So do say when you need to stop or when you want more to eat.” He got on Buck, scanning the horizon. “I don’t know there’s much here to hunt, but I’ll do my best.”
“I’m sure you will.” She took his hand and joined him on the horse. “You’ve been a true hero so far.”
“Not quite.” He brought her hand to his mouth. “What I’ve done isn’t so much heroic as necessary for my sanity.” Nicholas kissed her before letting go. “I couldn’t live with myself without knowing what truly happened to you.”
She looked down at the saddle, wanting to hide a smile. Although wanting to ask, wanting to know more about his thoughts and feelings, she hesitated. Beth bit her lip, thinking. What if, like Daggart, Nicholas loved his first wife so much he couldn’t love another woman? She’d felt like he loved her last night. However, he’d not said as much then or today. After their intimacy, she understood how both men pined for their first loves.
“We’ll be there soon. Are you doing all right?” He looked back at her.
His question shook her from her thoughts. “Yes, thank you.”
Grinning, he said, “You’re the politest woman.”
Not knowing what to say in reply, she instead examined his face. Nicholas would be difficult to resist if he’d shave as he’d done last night. “I try to always be mannerly.” Beth noticed how his gaze softened when she glanced into his eyes. She saw the same longing she’d seen in him last night, fireside.
“You do very well.” He turned, facing ahead. They rode on for a while, him silent and her wondering what he thought. He broke the quiet first. “When Sam hauled me to Independence, I went along to help. Begrudgingly, of course.” He glanced back at her chuckle. “I didn’t have plans, didn’t want them. Then, there’s this woman sitting on a bench in town, minding her own business. She glanced up from her knitting, and when I saw the color of her eyes, she’d hooked me like a fish. I’ve not been my own man since.”
“Oh.” Beth smiled. Clouds in the west covered the sun, the shade cooling her warm face. She didn’t know what to say to him in return. Daggart’s rash actions had so distracted her then and since. “I remember your smell, sadly, but also know the next day you looked quite handsome. Enough to almost rival Samuel.”
He laughed, “Almost? I’ll settle for that.”
The late afternoon inched into dusk as they rode on. Just when the brightest stars began to shine, Nicholas pulled Buck up short. “All right, ma’am, we’re here for the night.” Now a habit, he helped her dismount and soon followed. “We’ll have a decent sized dinner and make enough for a couple of quick meals tomorrow.” She helped with the saddlebags while he stripped his horse of everything else. “Hand me the cook pot and I’ll get water while caring for Buck.”
She handed him the pot. He did his chores while she built a small fire from the surrounding sagebrush and rolled out their bedding. She did a quick check of their supplies. They still had some beans and rice, the bacon just enough to flavor one meal. Flour, sugar, and soda remained plenty, and Nicholas had been correct about the preserves. They’d both been using too much on each biscuit. When he brought up the water, she put in a couple of handfuls of rice and beans to cook.
Nicholas rummaged around in his personal saddlebag. “The creek is full, if you’d like to wash. I might take this chance to shave and skip tomorrow.”
She nodded, having noticed the alternating scruffy days. “I wouldn’t mind washing my feet, if the water is clear and cool.”
“Go on ahead and I’ll be there in a moment.”
Taking his advice, Beth went ahead to t
he creek. She sat, unlacing her boots and peeling off her sweaty socks. The bank sloped to an easy walk into the water. She stepped in and gave a little yelp at the icy temperature.
“Is it so cold?”
She turned to see him shirtless, his pants rolled up to his knees. “Very!” The sandy bed felt good to her toes.
“Maybe I won’t shave after all.” He stroked stubble growing into a beard. “This cocklebur stage lasts only a few days.”
She smiled at his apt description. “You will have a beard by the time we reach the others then. I rather liked your face smooth but can see how much easier a beard might be.”
He returned her smile. “Did you need the soap?”
“Yes, please. I’d like to wash today’s dust from my face.” She carefully took the soap and rubbed it in her hands before giving the bar back to Nicholas. She dipped fingers into the water and used the water to work up a lather. Rubbing her hands together, Beth warmed her palms and washed her face. Eyes closed from the suds, she panicked a little, remembering where she stood. She yelped when she felt a hand on her upper arm.
“It’s all right. I have you. Go ahead and rinse, I’ll stay here until you’re done.” He touched her back, leaving his hand there even as she bent to splash her face clean.
When done, Beth used her upper sleeve to wipe the water from her eyes. She looked up at him and saw the last rays of twilight’s golden glow illuminating his face. The tension hovered between them like the humidity in a Missouri summer. “I should check on our dinner.”
He caressed her arm before letting her go. “You should, it might be ready or burnt by now.” As she turned to the bank he added, “I’ll be along in a while.”
Beth went to the campfire, now glowing embers. The consistency seemed fine to her as she stirred the beans and rice. The mush most likely needed salt. She looked for the spice in a saddlebag. Finding it, the two plates, and forks, Beth set them aside. She heard a rustle behind her and looked to see Nicholas approach. As he neared the firelight, Beth noticed he’d shaved his face after all. He went and put up his razor and soap before joining her. “You’re just in time, dinner is ready.”
“It smells good.”
She took a bite and added a sprinkle of salt. Swallowing, Beth said, “This makes me miss home and my garden.”
“I’d have you tell me all about the vegetables you grew.”
“And my fruit trees.”
“Those, too. I’m missing everything that isn’t beans, bacon, and biscuits.” He shook his head. “The variety on this trip is far less than any other. So many have passed through here, taking everything and leaving nothing.”
“It isn’t all bad.” She gave him an ornery grin. “They’ve left us furniture and bacon.”
He laughed. “There is that.” Sober, he added, “Besides the wild fruits and berries eaten to nothing, the animals have been hunted until gone.”
Beth considered the Indians she’d seen so far. “What will the native people live on when everyone is finished emigrating to the west?” She smiled at him when he paused, fork in mid air, to look at her. “It just makes sense that a people who live as nomads might need food wherever they go for the season.”
He placed the fork back onto his plate. “Exactly right. The land has been changed by the whites crossing it. I’ve seen animals shot for sport during one trip. When the next group passed, they starved for lack of fresh meat.”
Beth ate, quiet at this. If he’d not found her, Nicholas might have had more for himself. She saw how much money he carried while purchasing items at the fort. “I’ve not given you much time to hunt, have I? If you hadn’t found me, you’d be able to live a little bit better.” She set her dish and utensil aside, near the fire. “When you’re done, I’ll wash.”
He scraped out the last few bites from the cook pan. “Will you share this with me?”
“I’m full, thank you.”
“If you’re sure?” When she nodded, he said, “I’ll eat this up and rinse these for tomorrow.” Nicholas stood, adding, “Be back in a moment.”
He left before she could squeak out a protest to do the work herself. Instead of remaining idle, Beth spread out their bedrolls. She looked up from arranging the blankets to see him enter the ring of light and set down the pan with dishes. “I have a plan for breakfast tomorrow and lunch. I can make up biscuits with a little sugar in them for more taste.”
His eyebrows lifted in surprise as he sat beside her. “Good! I look forward to breakfast already.”
“So do I.” She settled in under the covers.
Nicholas glanced between her and his own bed. Getting up to a kneel, he moved his bed to touch hers. “Just in case you get cold tonight, you can use me to warm yourself.”
She smiled as he slid under his covers, turning to face her. “How very thoughtful of you.”
Returning her grin, he looked at her while they both lay down on the blankets. “I try.”
“You do well.” She reached out and caressed his smooth face. “I appreciate you very much.”
He took her wrist, bringing her palm to his lips. “I appreciate you as well.”
He smelled good, his face clean. His proximity drew her closer. He put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, kissing her. He paused long enough to ask, “Shall we?”
Instead of answering, she pressed her lips against his. He shuddered. Beth melted into him, tired of resisting. Now aware of how lovemaking with him unfolded, her anticipation almost hurt. She wanted to be wild, but still felt shy.
Nicholas murmured against her ear, “I liked feeling every inch of your skin against mine.” He pulled the shoulder of her dress down to expose more of her chest.
He kissed lower, nipping at the upper swell of her breast and she gasped. She asked, “Could we undress now? I wouldn’t mind.”
Her neckline prevented him from dropping her other shoulder and sleeve. With a quick move, he rolled onto Beth. “I don’t want to take the time.” He rested his weight on hands and knees, pulling up her skirt. “I want you now.”
Tingles of desire danced along her skin. When his hand slid up her thigh, she bent her knee, needing him. “I want you too.”
“Why don’t you undo my pants, then?”
Though nervous at doing such a thing, Beth reached for his belt and buttons. Her hands shook while unfastening them. He groaned when she touched his hardness. “Is this good?”
“Very.” He lowered to rest on an elbow, widening his legs to spread hers apart. Brushing a hand between her thighs, he asked, “Is this good too?”
“Yes!” The feel of him, the possibility his fingertips might reach inside her caused Beth’s stomach muscles to tense. “I want you, Nicholas. Please, let’s start.”
“Since you ask so nicely, how can I refuse?” He positioned himself, pressed and slid in as if she were made of warm butter.
She let out a wavering “Oh!” at the same time he panted her name. “Last time,” Beth gasped as he rocked back and forth. “Now this time, and my goodness!”
His lips rested against her ear as he murmured, “It’s better now, isn’t it?”
“Oh yes, so much. We have to do the same as last night.”
He kept a steady rhythm for a few minutes, the tension building like a steel spring. “Beth, wrap your legs around my hips.” He moaned when her ankles locked behind him. “Maybe not, I can’t last….”
The position drove him deeper into her. “Yes! This is better!” The steady pace he kept pushed her ever closer to the cliff she knew waited for her. “Don’t stop, Nicholas, please.”
“I might have to,” he ground out, his voice harsh with restraint.
“No, faster. Give me more!” Her hunger shocked Beth, as did her crude language. However, the way he kept driving at her sent such tendrils of pleasure through her body. Each rush of passion led her to urge him further. Each liberty she took with her words increased the need for release.
“You’ve wanted
this, haven’t you?” He exhaled in her ear. “I’ve needed you under me, warm and willing.” He ran a hand down to her breast, fingertips raking her nipple. “Every day, I’ve fallen a little more in love with you and longed to feel you this way, all sweet and hot and soft.”
Her climax hit Beth like a cannon shot, all consuming and too much to ignore. “Yes!” she gasped and held onto him, the rush of pleasure so intense her toes curled and her hands clenched. She knew he’d been waiting for her and when he stopped moving, Beth knew he’d found heaven too.
He pressed his lips against her forehead, giving a groan at each throb of his body. He put his arms around her, lifting her up to do so. “You’re an amazing woman, Elizabeth Roberts.”
“As you are an amazing man, Nicholas Granville.” She sighed. Even her bones felt too relaxed to be solid. “I thought of last night as the best of everything good. But you proved me wrong just now.”
“I agree.” He yawned and went to the side. Turning her as last night, Nicholas snuggled her as if spoons. A few moments passed before he said, “Beth, before I fall asleep, I need to tell you something.”
“Sounds ominous. What is it?”
With lips still pressed against her skin, he said, “I’ve acted terrible today.” He paused before continuing, “Last night, and then this morning, I kept thinking of Sally and wondered if I’d been betraying her memory by loving you.”
She worked to keep her tone even. “I see.” Her heart hurt at how he shared the pain Daggart had felt. She dreaded the moment Nicholas would confirm her worst fears and tell her that she would never be first in his heart anymore than she had been first in Daggart’s.
“I don’t know that you can.” He intertwined his fingers with hers. “I thought I would be ready for you when the opportunity occurred, and at first, I was.”
Beth bit her lip to stop the sob threatening to escape her. “But then you remembered your late wife and how she was and is your first love?”
He sighed as if in relief. “Exactly.”
“Very well, Nicholas, I understand.” Her nose stung with the need to cry, and she turned so he couldn’t see her face. No matter what happened between them, Nicholas had just admitted he loved Sally like Daggart loved Lizzy. Not trusting her voice, she managed to croak, “I’m also very tired. May we talk more in the morning?”
“Good night, Beth.” He wrapped his arm around her waist.
“Good night,” she replied, eyes squeezed shut to prevent tears from falling. She loved Nicholas. He was her first love. He’d always be her first, and now Beth knew she’d always be his second. The warmth of him against her almost burned with how good he felt. Tears slipped and rolled from the corners of her eyes. Even with him being so different from her brother-in-law, she just couldn’t be yet another widower’s consolation prize. How could she ever be the only woman he loved?