“No, I’m not coming in. I just wanted to give you this.” I hand him the made up tin swan filled with leftovers I stole from a café table I passed on the way. Ben takes it and looks it over, confused. “I hope you’re having a nice night.”
“Where are you going? I’ve been working on plans for us all day.”
“No, you haven’t. You have been working on plans for your date.”
“Yes, you—my date.”
“I told you I couldn’t make it. How could I be your date?” I snap, watching the much too handsome smile form on his face. “You set me up?” He nods. “Why?” He pulls some flowers out with a happy birthday ribbon binding them together. “I don’t like my birthday.”
“I know, but I kind of made a lot of plans for it, and I knew you wouldn’t come unless I made you mad.”
“Well, now I’m really mad, and I’m definitely not coming in. I want my swan back.” I take the crappy tin swan back and feel foolish as he leans against the doorframe, waiting for me to look up at him. “I’m leaving.” I walk to the elevator and push the button, waiting like an idiot for it to show up. It’s hard to storm out while being forced to wait for a private elevator, especially with a tin swan with someone else’s forgotten leftovers in your hand.
“You’re going to be waiting a while. I turned it off once you got up here so you couldn’t leave.”
“Or, so your other date wouldn’t come up and ruin your secret meeting?” He laughs, enjoying my anger too much. “I hate you. Turn it back on, Ben. I want to go home.”
“Okay, but first you have to open my gift, and then if you don’t like it, you can go and never speak to me again. Well, except at work. Or unless you just want to.” A present? He’s really good at those. “I promise you will like it.”
“Fine. Give it to me.”
“Yeah?” I huff at his stupid question. “Okay, then wait here and close your eyes. Come on, close your eyes.” I close my eyes and put my arms out to receive whatever insane thing he thought to get me that I am sure I will hate, at least until I am out of his sight. I wait a few seconds before I hear repeated tapping on the wood floors, drawing closer. I open my eyes as a big bear jumps on me and licks my face. “His name is Harrison. We aren’t sure why. He was left at the shelter because he grew bigger than the original owners anticipated.” I look at the brown, goofy, cuddly beast and rub his floppy ears and big face finally taking notice of the happy birthday ribbon tied around his neck. I look up at Ben. “Happy Birthday. I hope you like him. Sorry he’s not purple.” He remembered. “He seems to like you. Can’t say I blame him, especially in that dress.” I lean in, burying my face into the freshly groomed fur, and close my eyes with a smile. “I felt like you would know how to take care of him and maybe he could take care of you too.”
“Ben, what am I going to do with a dog—a big dog—in my hotel room?”
“Yeah, that’s a problem. You either have to find a new place to live, like here, or I guess we can take him back to the shelter and hope he finds someone else. I’m sure we can find him a home if you don’t want him,” he says, enjoying my smile and the jubilant, wagging tail that is vibrating the both of us across the room.
“I think he loves me already,” I say quietly.
“Of course he does. He’s a guy, and we all seem to fall pretty quickly for you,” Ben says, barely loud enough for me to hear. “You know, he has toys and food here. I made you your favorites, got you a few other gifts and surprises.” He winks at me and reaches out for my hand to bring me inside. I walk in with him, my new puppy, and a smile so large it hurts my face until I see Henry. He walks up to me with a slight scowl and a gift in his hand.
“Happy Birthday, Laila,” he says, kissing my cheek and handing me the overly wrapped gift.
“Thank you. You shouldn’t have, and you definitely shouldn’t have wrapped it yourself,” I say, making him chuckle a bit. “What are you doing here?”
“I was invited along with all of these other people.” He waves his hand out to the roof deck where all of my co-workers wait. I spot a face in the crowd I haven’t seen in a while. Mika seems lost as to why he’s here.
“Oh no.” I rush out to Mika, my non-military friend. “Mika, what are you doing here? I asked you to meet me at my hotel?”
“I went to your hotel. You weren’t there and I ran into Ben, is it, over there as he was leaving your room. He asked if I knew you, and I said we were old friends. Then, he invited me here. He said you would be here, only I didn’t know it was a birthday party. I don’t like parties, you know that, especially ones with balloons and weird signs. And to make matters worse, I think at least half the people here are a part of some organized crime syndicate, and I think that old guy over there is a cop. I feel like the baby giraffe in between the lions and a heard of elephants. I’m scared to breathe too loudly.”
“Everything is going to be fine. I know all of these people, and they are all here, for me apparently.”
“So, why am I here for you? You said you needed my expertise on something. What is it?”
“Not here, not tonight. I will meet you for lunch tomorrow. You can take my hotel key and stay there tonight. Just leave my stuff alone or I will kill you.”
“Clearly, your anger management classes really paid off,” Mika says, sipping his drink through a ridiculous straw adorned with a cardboard birthday sign.
When I turn around, Ben meets me with a drink. I take hold of the drink, and he takes hold of me. “I think everyone is ready to eat and drink—more, so before we get things started, how about a toast to the woman and the purpose of this celebration.” Why does he love putting me in the spotlight? “Everyone, raise a glass to the woman we all thought wouldn’t make it beyond the first few seconds of the interview process, and once she did, we were all just as surprised she didn’t steal my car.” The crowd agrees a little too much with his ridiculous assumption. A quick kiss to the side of my head doesn’t make it better for him. “She’s mad now, but we all know she’s an amazing co-worker who is smart, tough …”
“I know I’m not messing with her, especially in poker,” Gus announces to everyone’s laughter.
“Oh yeah, can’t forget that, and we also can’t forget that she’s beautiful and has become a great partner and friend to the team.” Ben finishes with everyone standing in agreement. I step into the center of all of them, feeling surprisingly comfortable and happy until I see Henry. He looks as though I have been eaten by the wolves.
All of my gifts are dog gifts, things to make my new friend a nice home. Even Henry bought me a leash and matching collar. I avoid being alone with him until I see him out at the end of the night. It’s a slow, nerve-wracking walk to his car. “I hope you had fun, despite the obvious awkwardness?”
“It was fine. The food was really good.”
“Ben can cook anything, he’s …”
“He’s trying to make you a part of all of that. He’s turning you into one of them. I have never seen you look more comfortable in a crowd than I have tonight. You look too comfortable. It worries me greatly. If anyone finds out that you have changed sides, you will be arrested on the spot and lose it all.”
“I’m not doing anything wrong.”
“You are, actually. You signed an agreement, and from what I see, you’re breaching the contract, which makes you an enemy of the people.”
“I can still do my job without causing anyone else to get hurt.”
“If you manage that, then you are smarter than everyone ever born. Laila, you are in way over your head right now, and I don’t know how to get you out without getting you killed. Ben says he cares about you, a lot. I don’t believe him. I think he’s helping set you up. You’re being fooled, Laila. He’s done it before. That woman Mercier is married to, Ben romanced her first. She bugged lover boy’s phone over there, recording key conversations between him and Mercier. She was ready to turn over crucial evidence that was going to change everything. Then, suddenly, she was
marrying Mercier. That evidence is no good now, it’s been compromised, and the word on the street is, Mercier is kicking her to the curb. She won’t make it much longer. Mercier plays games, and his people help him, including your boyfriend. They know who you are. Someone downloaded your parents’ file a few weeks ago, and it wasn’t from the inside. They’re setting you up. He doesn’t care about you. He just wants to find out what you know.”
“Ben’s different. He’s been perfect.”
“Too perfect?” I look away in frustration. “Yeah, he has. You know, no one is that perfect, Laila. Why would he care that much unless he’s using you for something?”
Ben walks out of the building with Harrison, the happiest dog I have ever seen. “I thought we could walk him before bed,” he calls out to me.
“Yes, that would be great. Just give me one minute,” I yell to him before turning back to Henry. “You should get home. And don’t worry. I have a plan to handle everything and finish this without anyone getting hurt.” I send him on his way with a hug.
I wake up in Ben’s bed with a dog curled up next to me and Ben nowhere to be found. He left me a note to make myself at home while he’s at work. My birthday celebration was a lot of fun, and the best birthday I have had in a long time. Maybe he is being a bit too perfect. I take Harrison to the park and play, knowing I should be looking for my own place, but what do I look for? I don’t know how much longer I am going to be here, and I don’t want to make long term plans right now. Ben began to talk about outdoing this birthday next year, and he saw the panic in my face when he talked about us long term. Our first real fight.
“Why do you do that, Laila?”
“Do what?”
“Make that face whenever I try to make future plans with you?”
“You don’t want to make plans, you want to make a life. Ben, we don’t know where we are going to be a year from now. Our lives change daily working for Titus. Who knows what could happen.”
“Who knows what could happen? Laila, maybe that’s something we should talk about. What are we doing here? What do you want out of this relationship?”
“I just want to have fun and enjoy life. Nothing serious.” The expression on his face breaks me.
“Just fun? That’s what we’re doing? Nothing more than … You know, I think Harrison needs another walk.”
“I thought our relationship was great as it is now. Ben, we still don’t know each other fully. How could we possibly know where we want this to go?”
“And whose fault is that? I still hold you in the middle of the night for reasons I don’t understand, and I don’t ask because I keep hoping you will tell me when you’re ready. You’re never going to be ready though, are you? At some point, Laila, an actual relationship requires two people to participate. I have done all I can up to this point. If you don’t want to try then I don’t know what we are doing continuing on.”
“You want me to go?”
“No, Laila. I want you to admit that you want to be here. Not because it’s fun, not because it’s something to do, but because you— you—want it. I see it in your eyes. I know you feel the same way I do. I just don’t know why you won’t admit it?” I stand silent, fighting with myself on what to do, and the whole time he watches me, not understanding. How could he?
“I want to be here, Ben, with you. I just …”
“Don’t finish that sentence. Not tonight. It was a good night. Let’s talk tomorrow.” I nod, quickly grabbing my shoes to walk with him and the pup. We walk silently together, with me holding onto him, and him holding tightly to me.
If there was ever a time to let him go, it’s now. I just don’t think I can. I have to find a way to make it easy for him to leave me, because I am not able to leave him.
CHAPTER 23
Ben
I wish I could have kept my mouth shut and continued on, but I wanted to tell her for her birthday. I wanted it to be special, and then I realized she wasn’t going to say it back. I love her. It should have meant something, and I could have waited, but for how long? I think in that moment, I realized the time may never come, not for her. The only moment I get any truth from her is when she first wakes up and smiles at me. It’s as if she forgets who she is, and for a brief moment, she’s in love with me. It’s my favorite part of the day. The only thing to make this day worse is running into Jolie who insists that I should be with her all day. To my shock, Titus agrees and lets her dictate how the day will go. As soon as Jolie happily trots off to change for our day together, I take the opportunity to voice my displeasure with the man.
“I don’t want to hear it, Ben.” He immediately holds up his hand and tries to shut me down.
“Why are you doing this? You know what she wants, and it’s not that she feels safer with me than anyone else.”
“I feel she’s safer with you.”
“No, you want her to cause issues with Laila and me. I don’t know why you can’t let me be?”
“Because I don’t trust people in love. It makes you do stupid things. I need you to stay focused, no matter what anyone else thinks, you’re my best …”
“Best what? Are you going to actually finish that sentence properly this time? Are you actually going to admit what you did to my mother? Or are you going to skip right over the truth and fill it in with some bullshit like you usually do?”
“Why are you so angry all the time with me? It has to stop. I cannot continue to let you get away with your disrespect with no consequences.”
“Then kill me, if that’s what you want. It would be better than being trapped in this insanity every day.”
“What do you want from me, Benjamin? I have a business to run, and there are rules to keeping us all safe and out of jail.”
“Your rules, Titus, not mine.”
“They are your rules now. No one leaves once they are in, that includes Luca by the way. I don’t care what his promises are, I don’t allow anyone to leave. I don’t care who he or she is, but especially ...” He stops short of saying our names.
“Luca doesn’t belong here, and you know damn well he would never say a word. He wants a life different from yours, an honest life.”
“I will not change my mind; however, you know how you could change all of that for him? Make it your decision, Ben, and he’s free.” I shake my head, hating him more and more. “I make decisions that people don’t like, Benjamin. They’re tough to make, but someone has to see the full picture.” Titus pulls out an old picture and lays it in front of me. “What do you want more, Ben? Decide. Time is running out. People are getting anxious to make a move on me. I need to reaffirm my standing with a strong right hand to hold them off.”
“I am not babysitting your wife today. Your soon to be ex-wife. It’s a waste of my time and your resources.”
“Making difficult decisions already? You are going to challenge me? Fine. I’ll send her off by herself. You want to join me tonight? I have a lot of friends coming over. They’ll make you forget about your woman.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “After all of these years, you have never bothered to know me at all.”
“And you know me so well?”
“Better than you know yourself. Let Luca go, and I will do whatever you want except take the position. You know that he wouldn’t be able to leave even he wanted to if I took over. I’ll do anything else you want.”
He stops his work to look up at me, sitting back in his chair he hums a serious tune as he considers my offer. “Laila.” I look at him wide-eyed. “I want Laila, she is interesting, and I bet she’s a great fuck. I want to know what she’s like. Give me her, and I will release Luca and even consider giving her back to you.” His smile is evil with a trace of malicious intent.
“Laila is not mine to give, not that I would anyway. You know that, and you asked just to torture me.”
“Because I am tired of this conversation! Get out of here, Ben. You’re making a long day even longer for us both.” I throw my hands up
and walk towards the door until he sighs. “I keep you alive, both you and your brother, and you never appreciate that.” He settles his fuming rage to a mild roar.
I storm through the place, preparing for the day, when a soft hand touches me. I grab hold of the arm and twist around with anger only to look down at Laila. I instantly soften my grip. “Hey, Tiger. I couldn’t be happier to see you right now.” Pulling her into my arms, I find my way to her lips, wishing I could take her and run away. Run away from here for good. “What are you doing here? I gave you the day off to recover from your party last night.”
“I wanted to check on you, and I’m glad I did. What’s wrong? If it’s not me, then what’s going on?”
“Nothing important, just fighting with Jolie, fighting with Titus, and now I have to deal with Nathan. I’m not in the mood for their bullshit today is all. I am much better now though.”
“I really should have made a rule when you started, Lowell, which would have prevented this disgusting display from happening.” Nathan says, walking in on us. “Do you want to talk or not, Ben? I would like to go home at some point.”
I kiss her one more time. “Thanks for coming by. I’ll see you tonight.” I send her on her way and pull out the papers for Nathan and me to review. I catch sight of Laila hovering, counting her fingers, and staring at Nathan.
When she walks up to him, I stop breathing. “Nathan, I meant to ask you …” I don’t hear a word she says. All I can think about is her hands. She’s moving them too much. I know what she’s after. I don’t know why, but it will get her killed for sure.
“Laila,” I interrupt, causing Nathan to turn to me and her to pull his key from his belt loop. The key to the main computer room. Laila, no!
“What? Are you sex daydreaming? Don’t blurt out her name in my ear. Finish what you are saying, Lowell, and do it quickly please.”
She smiles at him. “That was pretty much it. Thank you.” She hurries off, leaving me to make a decision that I don’t know how to make.