I dropped my head. I didn’t mean to let him see the sadness, but he did. He read me like a book.
“What’s wrong, Morgan?”
I looked into his cloying eyes. “I know who you are,” I said.
He smiled a warm smile.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you give me time to know you?” I pleaded.
“I’m sorry, Morgan. I don’t always make the best decisions, I guess,” Mr. Callaway confessed.
“I need to know what you expect of me. I don’t think Drew, and I are going to stay together.”
He looked shocked. “Are you two having problems? What did he do?”
“It’s nothing like that. Drew is fine. I just need some time. I don’t know how to process all of this,” I lied. I should have thrown him under the bus right there. Anyone in their right mind would have wanted him to suffer a slow painful death. I wasn’t blessed with a normal mind, whatever that was.
“Morgan, I don’t know how much Drew has told you, but all of this is yours,” he said, waving his weak hand around the room full of dead animals. “You will never want for anything for the rest of your life.”
I knew that was a lie. Money couldn’t buy what I needed.
“None of this will be Drew’s without you. If he walks away now, he’ll be homeless,” he added.
“He’s not the one that wants to walk away. I am. And I don’t want that. Drew runs your company better than anyone could. He is good at it. He takes great pride in it,” I stated, not having any idea what I was saying. Why wouldn’t I render the bastard homeless? He deserved it.
He smiled at that. “He always did, even when he was still just a boy. What do you want, Morgan?”
“I don’t know. I guess I just need some time to figure things out.”
I went there with the intention of finding out how my mother became pregnant by his rich son. I wanted to know where she was, and what she was doing. It didn’t seem to matter anymore. She was obviously one of the people who could be happy with money, and it was also apparent that she didn’t need me.
I cried all the way back to Drew’s or my house I should say. I knew what I had to do, and the sooner the better.
I walked the north corridor and unlocked the door to hell. I didn’t walk in, and stayed back as Drew slowly walked out. He stared at me cautiously with his hands in his pockets.
“I don’t want any of this,” I said, crossing my arms. “I’m going back to my small town, my job, and my friends.”
He nodded. “I’ll have Felix fly you there,” he said.
He took a step toward me and my heart fluttered as I closed my eyes.
I tried not to feel anything when he placed his hands on my arms.
“Morgan, for whatever its worth, I’m sorry.”
“It’s not worth anything, Drew,” I replied looking up to him.
Damnit…Why did I have to go and look at him?
I was fine until he ran his hand up and held my face with his hand to keep me from looking away.
“I know it’s not worth anything, but I do love you, Morgan, and if I could take it all back, I would in a heartbeat.”
I stepped away from him. I had to. I was having an emotional breakdown, and nobody in their right mind would forgive this man.
“I’m going to a hotel,” I said. “I can’t stay here.”
He let me go with a nod as his hand slid back into his pockets.
***
I stayed locked in a hotel room for three days. I didn’t shower, I barely ate, and I cried a lifetime of tears. Finally, on the third day I called Drew.
“Morgan?” he answered on the first ring.
“I would like to fly out this afternoon,” I said.
“Okay, I will have Felix get things ready.”
I hung up. I was interested in carrying on a conversation with him.
I stopped and visited Mr. Callaway before going back to the house to pack. He looked a little better and talked more. I ate lunch with him, and for the first time in days, I felt like I was going to be okay. He hugged me and told me that I should stop by Desert Springs Hospital and say hello to my friend Derik.
I did do that. I felt the need for some reason. Call me a little malicious. I needed to rub it in.
The nurse directed me to his room. He was in a body cast, and his face was black and blue. He had a tube running down his throat and was hooked up to every machine possible. I didn’t stay but just a minute because I knew that Jena was close by getting coffee, and I didn’t want to run into her.
I bent close to his face. His eyes fluttered open with a look of pure terror.
“I told you not to fuck with me,” I whispered with a honeyed voice. “Have fun shitting in a bag for the rest of your life.”
I was sure that Derik would never touch me or anyone else for that matter again. Ever.
I didn’t see Drew while I packed a few things. I knew that he was watching me from his office, but I paid no mind. I shook my head with a snort when I realized that I didn’t need to pack anything. I was going home, home to my cozy little house in Misty Bay. I had everything there. Thinking about my little house in Maine gave me a warm comfortable feeling.
Chapter 19
I thought about how things would be in Misty Bay as I stared out the small plane window. I knew that it wouldn’t be the same. I was a different person than when I had left. I didn’t know what was in store for Dawson and me, but I owed it to him to try.
Drew had arranged for a car to take me wherever I wanted to go once I had landed. That surprised me. I had the driver take me to my house. I needed time to myself to regroup before I let anyone know that I was home, wherever that was.
I smiled when I saw my old white Honda sitting in the drive. I hated that car so much, I loved it. It was beautiful there that time of year. I could hear the ocean screaming my name. I took a deep breath, savoring the warm summer, sea air.
I moved the flowerpot, hoping the key that I had kept hidden there was still there. It was and fell from the bottom of the pot, clinking when it hit the concrete porch. I opened the door and stepped in. I wasn’t sure how I felt. I didn’t feel how I had expected it to feel. I mean it still felt warm and inviting. It just didn’t feel like mine anymore. I looked around and noticed the thick dust around the furniture.
I looked toward the table confused. I had a whole stack of mail. Some of them were opened, and someone had been paying my bills. I was sure that it was Dawson. I would figure it up and pay him back.
“I wanted to make sure that you had electric when you got home,” I heard Dawson say from my front door.
I smiled at him. He was so handsome in his uniform, and my heart ached for him. I couldn’t imagine what he had been through for the last almost six months.
“Hey, sheriff,” I quietly spoke. I walked toward him as he smiled back.
He wrapped me in his arms, and he felt so, so, I don’t even know how to describe how he felt. I felt like I belonged there, and I missed him.
“Are you home?” he asked. I couldn’t answer that. I didn’t know where home was at the moment.
I didn’t answer. I just looked up to him, and he kissed me, softly. “I missed you,” he whispered to my lips.
“I missed you too. How did you know that I was here?”
“I didn’t. I come by and check your mail every evening.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Does Lauren know that you are here yet?”
“No. I didn’t tell anyone. I just left.”
“Did he let you leave?”
I didn’t want to talk about Drew. I know it was stupid, and Dawson would never understand, not after what I had told him, but I didn’t wish anything bad on Drew, and I knew that Dawson did.
“Riley!” Lauren screamed from the door.
I laughed. I loved that girl.
She squeezed me so hard that I thought my eyeballs would pop out.
“I can’t believe that it’
s you. It is you, isn’t it?” she teased.
I couldn’t answer that either. I wasn’t Riley Murphy. I was Morgan Kelley. I only smiled. “How are you?” I asked.
“Better now that we know that you’re okay. Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through?” she asked, cocking her hip and resting a fist on the side.
I laughed. “I’m sorry. How can I make it up to you?”
“Well, after you get settled back in, you could cook for me,” she joked.
“I would love to cook for you,” I admitted. I realized at that moment the simple things in life. I did miss her waking me up at the butt crack of dawn, and her coming over and raiding my refrigerator for leftovers.
Lauren didn’t stay long, knowing that I needed the time with Dawson. I told her I would call her later and gave her my Las Vegas number.
Dawson ran back to town and brought us Mexican while I showered. The refrigerator had been cleaned out, and there wasn’t much to cook there.
I pulled on my Riley jean shorts and a t-shirt. My cellphone rang while I towel dried my hair and I had a feeling that it was Drew. I didn’t think that Lauren would be calling already. It was Drew. I determined, looking down at the name.
“Hello,” I answered.
“Hi, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Yes. Drew. I’m fine.”
“Are you with him?” he asked. I could hear the hurt in his voice.
“Yes and no. He went to get us something to eat. He should be back any minute.”
“Oh,” he replied.
“Drew, I don’t know what you expect from me.”
“I don’t know that either, Morgan. I guess I was just hoping that you would see things different.”
“How could I ever forgive you?”
“I don’t know that you could, but I sure would like for you to try,” he softly spoke.
I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. Why did this have to be so difficult? I should hate him. I should throw him out on the streets. That’s what anyone else would have done. Why couldn’t I?
“I have to go, Drew,” I said hearing the car door from the driveway close.
“Because he is back?”
“Yes, and I have enough on my plate right now. He doesn’t understand why I would talk to you.”
“Did you tell him?” he asked. He didn’t have to say anymore. I knew what he was asking.
“Yes, Drew, but I will tell you about it later. I have to go.”
“I love you, Morgan.”
“Drew,” I said. I couldn’t say it back. How could I.
“You don’t have to say anything. Goodbye Morgan.”
“Bye, Drew.”
Dawson and I ate out on the deck. I loved my deck. I missed my deck and the views of the endless ocean. I wasn’t as hungry as I had thought, and folded the wrapper over my half eaten burrito.
“Come here,” Dawson requested, moving to the glider.
I went with him, and he wrapped his arms around me. I loved his smell, his protective feel, and the security that only his arms could give.
“We need to talk, Ry,” He said tracing my fingers with his.
I didn’t feel right being called Riley anymore. I know that was what they all knew me by, but it seemed so superficial now, like a lie. It was a lie. That wasn’t who I was.
“What do you want to know, Daw?” I asked. I owed it to him to tell him anything that he wanted to know. I just didn’t know if I was ready to disclose it.
“I mostly want to know if I am losing you. I don’t care about the rest. You have no idea how hard these last few months have been. All I could picture was you being hurt, and I couldn’t find you.”
“I don’t know where we stand right now,” I told him honestly. I was done with the lies, and I didn’t know. I didn’t know if we could go back to being Dawson and Riley. I wasn’t Riley.
“You’re not seriously thinking about going back to him, are you?”
I know that it shouldn’t have. He had a right, but it pissed me off. “No, but I’m not going to lie and tell you that the feelings aren’t there. They are Dawson, and I don’t expect you to understand. I know that it sounds absurd, but I can’t help it. He’s not the same Drew that I ran away from.”
“Why? What changed?”
“I don’t know, Dawson. He was different. He cared.”
“How can you say that, Ry? Six years. Six years he did horrendous things to you. You do remember that don’t you?”
“I’ll never forget, but people can change.”
“A leopard doesn’t change its spots,” he stated. I snorted. I had told Drew that exact same thing.
I thought about telling him the whole story, about how it came that I would end up married to Drew Kelley and that I had more money than ten people could spend in a life time. I didn’t. I’m not sure why. I guess I just didn’t feel like we were there yet.
I was surprised but glad that Dawson announced that he was going to head out around nine. I thought for sure he had planned on spending the night. I didn’t really want him to, but I wasn’t going to tell him no.
I walked him out to his car, and he leaned against it, pulling my hand to come to him. He traced his thumb along my jaw line, and then moved his finger, tracing my scar. I kept both my hands on his chest, but not opened, they were clinched, almost like I was afraid to touch him. I wondered if it was because I felt like I was betraying Drew.
“You’re making this really awkward,” I smiled up at him.
“Are you waiting for me to kiss you?” he asked with the boyish grin that I also loved about him.
“Well, since you were planning on it anyway, you may as well.”
He leaned in, and I moved up on the tips of my toes. I wanted to kiss him, but I didn’t, if that makes any sense at all. He held the back of my neck as his tongue parted my lips and entwined with mine. I couldn’t help it. I moaned in his mouth after a moment or two. He felt so right. Was he though? He was before I forgot who I was. Why was it different now?
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he whispered to my lips before pulling away. I didn’t want him to let me go. I wanted to tell him not to go, but I didn’t. I took a step back and slid my hands into the back pockets of my shorts.
I thought about calling Lauren, but decided against it. Why did it feel different? Why didn’t I feel like I did before I left. I would have called Lauren anytime day or night, but now I felt like we weren’t that good of friends and we had drifted apart or something. I don’t know. It was probably just me. I guess I was reading more into it than I should have been.
I walked back into the house and right out the back door to the deck. I missed the beach. I hadn’t walked along the shore in months. I made my way down the rocky terrain and sat down in the still warm sand. That too didn’t feel the same. The ocean almost felt like an enigma, like it thought that I didn’t belong there, like I had abandoned it too. Why was I having such a hard time being there? This was my safe haven, the only place in my life that I felt wanted. I knew what it was. I just hated to admit it. It was Drew Kelley. I let him get into my mind, and even worse, my heart. I was such an idiot.
I stayed on the beach as the darkness took over the light sky. I didn’t feel any better sitting along the sands of the shore than I did in my house. I blindly made my way back up the rough terrain. It was dark, I mean really dark. I couldn’t see one white sneaker in front of the other.
I showered and decided to dust and clean my forgotten, neglected house, trying to keep my mind busy and hopefully tire myself out so that when I went to bed, I slept rather than contemplated. I didn’t want to think anymore. I just wanted it to stop. It wasn’t going to. I knew this when my cellphone rang. I debated before answering when I saw Drew flashing across my screen.
I took a deep breath and answered, plopping to the couch.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Can you talk?”
“Do you mean am I alone?”
r /> “Yeah, sort of. I hate the thought of you being in another man’s arms or anyone else kissing your soft lips.”
I blew out a short puff of air. This man was impossible. “I’m alone.”
“What are you doing?”
“Cleaning house. What are you doing?”
“It’s eleven o’clock, and you are a millionaire times a hundred or so. You don’t have to clean house.”
“I’m cleaning because I need to occupy my mind, and that’s a lot of money, uh?”
He laughed. “Yeah, it is. What’s on your mind?”
“Stupid you.”
“You’re thinking about me?”
“Not like you’re hoping that I am,” I lied. I was thinking those stupid thoughts. “I was just thinking about this place they call skid row in LA. It’s the largest stable population of homeless people in the United States. I figure you could probably make a few friends.”
Drew laughed even though I didn’t say it lightly. That was exactly where I should have sent him.
“I heard that Derik was in pretty bad shape,” he commented, changing the subject.
“Yeah, I went to see him before I left.”
“You did?” he asked a little shocked.
“Yeah, I think that I may be just a little demented. I took great pleasure in seeing him in pain. Did you go see him?”
“No, I’m afraid that I would take great pleasure in that too.”
“You did the same thing, Drew, only worse.”
“How can I fix it, Morgan?”
“I’m not sure that you can. I don’t know what to do. I have Dawson here, who loves me and has always treated me like I was a princess with the upmost respect. And then I have you, who for the life of me, I can’t figure out why I would even second guess it, but I am.”
“Are you in love with him?”
“I am, Drew, but it’s different than the way that I am in love with you.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know. I just feel different in his arms than yours.”
“Don’t make me picture that. Did you sleep with him?”
“Today?”
“Yes, I’m sure that you did when you were away for almost two years.”