I broke our gaze and turned back to wiping the wall. I still hadn’t said anything, and had no idea what to say. I had never in my life said no to a man. I wasn’t trained that way.
“It’s settled. I’ll see you in an hour.”
Dawson left, and I sank to the floor. I didn’t want him to help. I didn’t want him around. I jumped when my cellphone started singing something about having a girl’s night out. I knew it was Lauren. Every time she was around she was changing the ringtone on my phone.
“Where the hell are you? I was going to come over and eat your leftovers.”
“At the shop cleaning, you can go over and eat my leftovers if you come here and hangout with me so that I don’t have to be alone with the sheriff.”
“Why is the sheriff there?”
“He saw the lights on and stopped to make sure everything was okay. He saw what I was doing and has now gone home to change so that he can come back and help me.”
“Are you kidding me, Ry? That man doesn’t have an interest in women. He hasn’t dated since his wife left him.”
“When was that?” I asked for unknown reasons.
“Um, let’s see. I have been here for almost two years, and I think she left about a year before that so I would say three years or so.”
I almost asked why she left and then remembered that I didn’t care.
“Please come here. I don’t want to be alone with him.”
“Fine, I will be there in a little bit, but I don’t understand you. Let me get Dawson Bade alone.”
“Well, I will gladly go to the back so that you can do that.”
“Yeah right, I have asked that man out three times now. My ego won’t take any more than that.”
I was dreading the day ahead with Dawson. I didn’t mind Lauren and was glad that she was coming, but I really, really, really didn’t want Dawson to be there.
Lauren showed up first, and Dawson was only ten minutes behind her. Lauren and I were talking about how handsome he was, or she was anyway. I was trying my best not to notice. That worked until he showed up in jeans and a nice fitting t-shirt.
Oh, my God. Stop it, Riley.
I was pleasantly surprised at how much fun we had. We all worked and talked. I was relieved that I didn’t have to answer any personal questions. I didn’t really have anything to talk about, but commented on the things that Dawson and Lauren talked about. We managed to get all of the walls washed down and after Lauren, and I moved all of the things from the shelves we all turned them. After three tries, I had them the way that I wanted them. I was proud of myself. I had a really hard time, telling them that I didn’t like it the way we moved it the first time, and the second time was even worse. Thank God Dawson picked up on it.
“You don’t like it, do you?” he asked, looking at me staring at the shelves.
I looked over to him, and our eyes did that uncomfortable locking thing again.
“Not really,” I smiled and turned my eyes quickly back to the shelves.
We worked until after four and stopped when our pizza arrived. We all sat at the same table, and I looked around at our work. I couldn’t believe we got as much done as we had. I just wished we would have gotten the wood floors cleaned. After moving the shelves, you could really see a difference in the two toned wooden floor. The walls were spectacular, and I was going to talk to Lauren about her friend in the construction business about having the ceilings painted. The register by the door was a lot nicer too. You could actually engage in conversation with the customers, rather than being in the back of the store.
I hope Starlight isn’t mad about changing everything.
“Earth to Riley,” Dawson said snapping his fingers.
“What? Sorry. I was just thinking about what to do next.”
“I’m leaving,” Lauren abruptly said, afraid that I was going to start another project at that time.
“I didn’t mean now,” I said, giving her a look of, don’t leave me alone with him.
It didn’t work.
“I will see you at home. I need a shower,” and she was out the door. I knew she was leaving me on purpose and wanted me to be alone with Dawson.
“You should probably leave and get some sleep too,” I said to Dawson, standing up to clean up our paper plates.
“Yeah, you wore me out today too. I should sleep like a baby.”
The mention of sleep made me apprehensive about going to bed. I wasn’t sleeping much lately, and I hated waking and remembering my nightmares.
“You can go. I’m not far behind you. Thanks for your help today. I greatly appreciate it.”
Dawson stood and sucked the noisy soda through the ice of his cup. “Don’t mention it. It was fun. I would love to see the look on Starlight’s face when she walks in this door.”
“I just hope she’s not mad. I mean she did tell me to do whatever I wanted, but I’m not sure meant remodel the whole place,” I smiled.
“She will love it. I’ll see you later.”
Please stop smiling at me like that.
“Okay. Thanks again for your help.”
I didn’t leave and worked until after nine. I was hoping that getting myself good and exhausted would cause me to fall into a deep sleep and not be tormented by my dreams.
It worked, and I slept sounder and healthier than I had since I had left Drew.
I felt rehabilitated and improved as I unlocked the back door to the store on Monday morning. The three locals showed up just as the last pot of coffee had run through. All three of the older men made a big deal about how clean the place was. I felt very comfortable with them for the first time, and had no problem talking and laughing with the men as they drank their morning coffees.
I was rearranging some clothes on the rack toward the back of the store when I heard the one man that they called Tom.
“Good morning, Sheriff. What brings you out and about on a Monday?” he asked, knowing that he was usually only there on Saturday mornings.
“Morning, Tom, Jake, Luke. Just thought I would stop in and see what all the talk about the new look was all about.”
I smiled, amused that he didn’t mention doing half the work.
I was looking right at him still carrying the smile when he looked around, looking for me, I was sure.
He smiled when he saw me. “Morning, Riley.”
“Good morning, Sheriff,” I said and nervously moved my eyes away from his.
That wasn’t the only day that Dawson showed up. He was there every morning after that. I tried not to let things be awkward between us. I also made little comments about not being interested in romance or dating, hoping that he got the hint.
My week was going well. I had managed to get the entire front of the store reorganized and looking like a new place. I worked late into the night, mostly because it did wear me out and I slept better.
My next project was the office, and I had to keep telling myself that the store was just as bad, and the outcome was well worth the work. I was going to start on it as soon as I had locked up on Friday. I was on the phone with Starlight wanting to know how things were going when Dawson walked in.
What the hell is he doing here?
He only smiled and took the last little bit of coffee from the pot.
I finished up my conversation with Starlight after telling her that things were going great and not to worry and have a good time.
I started rinsing the pots and cleaning up when Levi walked in, as well.
“Hello,” I said, surprised that he was there. I had only seen him in there once since I had started.
“Hey, Riley. How are you?”
“Good, Levi, and you?” I asked as I continued to clean up.
Levi and Dawson exchanged greetings, and Levi turned his attention back to me.
“Ms. Riley, would you like to accompany me to dinner tonight?” he asked, and my mouth dropped.
No, I wouldn’t.
“Thanks for the offer, Levi, but I am n
ot leaving here for a while. I need to get some things done in the office, and I can’t really do it until I close the store.”
“How about I bring us food here?”
Now what the hell do I say? Just be blunt and tell him Ry.
“Levi, I appreciate the offer, but I’m really not interested. Okay?” I asked, hoping he understood that I wasn’t going to date him.
“Okay, but just so you know, I don’t give up easily.”
Great.
“I’ll see you around.” He nodded to the sheriff and was gone.
“Turning down Levi Straits uh?” Dawson said with some sort of stupid sexy grin that made me crazy.
“Yes. I guess so.”
“Why?”
None of your business.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Not interested in men,” I said matter-of-fact.
He looked at me with narrowed eyes. “Were you married before moving here?”
“Yes,” I said with only that and continued to clean up the coffee bar.
“How long?”
I looked at him, hoping that he could read my face and take the hint that I didn’t want to talk about my past with him. “Six years,” I replied.
“Was it ruthless or mutual?”
Okay, now I am getting a little annoyed.
“Mutual,” I lied. “What are you doing here?” I bluntly asked.
He snickered. “I was going to ask you out to dinner, but now I am afraid to.”
“I would say no anyway.”
“I didn’t ask you out on a date. Just because you are not the same sex as me, doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends, does it?”
“We are friends, but I still don’t think dinner is a good idea.”
“Why? You do eat, don’t you?”
I snickered that time. “Yeah. I eat, but I wasn’t lying about tackling the office tonight.”
“How about you give the makeover a break and go out to eat with me. Not on a date, just as friends. You’ve been in here from daylight to dark all week. Take a break.”
Say no Riley, say no.
“Fine, I need to go home and shower.”
“Me too, you didn’t think that I was going to take you out in this, did you?” he asked, looking down at his uniform.
“You’re not taking me out. We are going to get food, something we both need.”
He laughed. “I’ll pick you up at your house in an hour.”
My house!?!
“Okay, see ya in a little while.”
I groaned as soon as he was out the door. Why can’t I just learn to say no? Why was that such a challenge for me?
Because you were never allowed to say no, that’s why, but you can now you coward.
Chapter 4
Dawson picked me up in his pickup truck. He got out and opened the door for me. I was chastising myself as soon as I saw him in his jeans, button up shirt and brown leather loafers. I reprimanded myself again when I breathed in his cologne.
“You look very nice,” he commented, and I gave him a look.
“This is not a date remember?” I said but was smiling on the inside.
He playfully put his hands in the air and laughed. “I am sorry, but it’s really hard not to notice how nice your ass looks in those jeans.”
How many shades of red are there?
“You are definitely not allowed to say stuff like that.”
He laughed and closed my door.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Put your seatbelt on, we’re going into Marshall and eat ribs at ‘Hogly Wogley’s.”
“I was going to put my seatbelt on, sheriff,” I said, and he laughed.
We were talking about the coffee shop while we drove through the little town. When we passed the bar that Lauren had taken me to, Dawson pulled into the parking lot. I wondered what he was doing, and then I saw what he was doing.
“Stay in the truck,” he said and got out.
I rolled down the window so I could listen. He grabbed a guy off of another guy who was punching him in the face. He jerked him to his feet and stood between the two men.
“What the hell are you doing, Mike?” he asked, holding him by the chest.
“He started it. Tell him to keep his mouth shut about shit he doesn’t know anything about,” the guy yelled, angrily, pointing his finger at his opponent.
“Tim, what’s this all about?” he said turning to the other guy.
“Dude, I didn’t mean to piss you off. I didn’t know Chuck was your boss.”
Dawson facilitated the conversation and in no time had the two men calmed down.
“Are we done here?” he asked them. They both said yes.
“Good, shake hands and go drink a beer. No drinking and driving,” he warned and left with the two guys walking back inside as friends.
I looked up to the crowd that had gathered out front and saw Levi staring right at me.
Oh, how nice.
He gave me a nod, and I did the same.
“Sorry about that,” Dawson said as we backed up.
“It’s okay, but you just got me in trouble. Levi was there.”
“And you care?”
“No, not necessarily, but I did blow him off, remember?”
“Trust me, Riley, Levi Straits is not going home alone tonight.”
Well, I’m glad I did shoot him down then.
We ate the best and messiest ribs I had ever tasted in my life. There was nothing elegant about them at all. I couldn’t help but think about Drew eating something that messy. He would have had his little servant there picking the meat off the bone for him.
I had a good time with Dawson, and we talked and laughed about nothing at all. That too made me think about Drew. I had never in the six years that I was married to him, laughed with him. Yes, I am sure that I faked many laughs, but this was different. Dawson was just a charming funny guy, and so much fun to be around.
Dawson had no sooner dropped me off when Lauren walked uninvited through my front door.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going out with Dawson?” she spouted.
“I didn’t know that I was,” I replied.
“Levi called me. He said you blew him off to go for Dawson.”
“Levi wanted to take me on a date. Dawson and I are just friends.”
“Do you really believe that, Ry?”
“What?” I asked surprised, “that we are just friends?”
“Yes.”
“Of course I believe it. There was nothing romantic about it.”
“Yeah okay, whatever.”
“There wasn’t, and I am not dating Dawson, Levi or anyone else. Now stop it.”
“Let’s go to the bar,” she said letting it go.
“Um, no. I am staying home.”
“Come on, Ry. Don’t make me go by myself.”
“I just saw Joel on your porch. You’re not going alone. You little conniver.”
“But I don’t want you to sit here alone.”
“I like being alone. I am going to change and veg out on the couch. I’m tired. I worked harder than I am used to this week.”
“Fine, party pooper, I will talk to you later.”
I did veg out on the couch and dozed off by ten. It was the first night in almost a week that I dreamed, and again I was taken back in time to being a little girl. My mom had just gotten home from her shift at the truck stop. I was twelve, and Justin was just a tiny baby, maybe two or three months old. He was sick and burning up with a fever. I was trying to give him a bottle and rock him and do everything that a twelve year old child would know to get him to stop.
My mom took him from me and was mad because I let him get sick. I was crying and trying to explain that I had told my dad to stop and tell her that he was sick on his way to the bar, but she wouldn’t listen and slapped me across the face for back talking her.
That was the first time that I was ever alone. She took him to the hospital, and they kept him for three days
. I knew he was in the hospital because my dad had come home long enough to shower and leave again for his weekend bar routine. He never came home that night, and my mom never came home. It was the dead of winter, and again I couldn’t keep the only heat source burning. It was freezing in the trailer, and there was no food in the cabinets or freezer. I ate a bag of microwave popcorn the first night and dry cereal for the next two days. I was afraid that nobody was ever coming back, and by the third day I was hungry, scared and freezing.
My parents came home together with Justin, and again I was in trouble because the fire was out. It was so cold in the old trailer that there was ice on the inside of the windows. My dad bent me over his legs on the sofa, no, he didn’t bend me over, he threw me over his legs. My mom stood there and watched him hit me over and over until she finally told him that was enough.
I woke up to Justin crying in my room a few hours later. I waited for my mom to come and get him, but she didn’t come. I left him crying in my room while I heated a bottle. I hated my parents and neither one of them deserved me or Justin. I could hear the bed creaking and both my parents moaning and going at it in the next room. I put Justin in bed with me after changing his diaper and covered us both up.
I didn’t wake panic or scared with this dream. I felt pain and neglect and my heart ached for Justin, hoping that he was doing well. I wanted to go there and find him, just to make sure for myself, but I didn’t dare. I knew that Drew had somebody staked out there, waiting to see me. I wiped the single tear from my eye and got up. I didn’t have to open the shop for another two hours, but I dressed and went anyway. I would rather have been working then alone with my thoughts.
Before I knew it, I had been in my new dwellings for a month. I did hang out with Dawson quite often, and he hung around the shop drinking more coffee than normal. The store looked sensational, and the office was actually a well productive working space now. I filed everything in the empty filing cabinets that were buried with boxes and boxes of stuff that I was sure Starlight didn’t even know she had. I used some of the petty cash and Dawson built shelves in the storeroom for me. I had everything organized and on shelves. I had found some really funky things in the storeroom and continued to make the dining room more, customer friendly. There was a box that I was sure Starlight had gotten for that purpose that had yellow and white checkered tablecloths. I brought out three booths that were also buried in the back, and Dawson screwed them to the floor for me in front of the glass windows. I brought out three more tables and covered them all with the tablecloths.