“She’s got a black eye,” Deidra observed. I knew she was close to me. She was right beside me. I tried to turn my head when Drew spoke.
“Yes, she has two black eyes. She just had brain surgery,” Drew pointed out.
“Did you hit her, Drew?”
“No. I just told you. She had brain surgery. The doctor said it was expected.”
“Hmm, I get that. I get this and this,” Deidra stated. I wasn’t sure what she was talking about. “You know what I don’t get, Drew? I don’t get this right here. You see this dirty yellow right here? That’s an older bruise, healing. For Christ sake, Drew. You could have killed her.”
Drew? I needed to wake up. Why couldn’t I wake up? Drew was crying. I could hear him sobbing. His face was buried beside me, holding my hand. Drew, it’s going to be okay. Drew? I wasn’t talking, not out loud anyway. Damn it. Wake up, Morgan.
I didn’t wake up, not until, well, I don’t know how long. I didn’t remember anything else that Deidra said to Drew. The last thing I remembered was Drew, crying.
The next time, I woke up—well, I didn’t really wake up, but I could hear voices again. My mom was there with Jason and Justin, my little brother was there too. Why can’t I wake up?
Dr. Tharp removed the bandages around seven that evening. I was never so happy in my life when I saw the fuzzy Drew right beside me, holding my hand. Dr. Tharp explained to Drew and me about the importance of me resting—a lot. He was going to send me home with something the following day that would cause me to sleep several hours a day. That explained why I couldn’t wake up. I didn’t like that idea. I had a one-year-old to chase after.
“Your brain needs to rest, Morgan. I don’t want you watching television, reading, or anything else that will cause you to overthink things. Let’s give you the rest your brain needs, and we’ll see how things look when I see you next week. Okay?”
“Okay,” I agreed.
“I want to see Nicky,” I told Drew once we were alone.
“You can see him when we go home tomorrow,” Drew replied, sitting on the side of the bed and placing my hand in his. “We need to talk, Morgan.”
“I know,” I agreed. He had to know that I knew about the falsified paternity test.
“We need to stop.”
“Stop?” I questioned. Stop what?
“Yes, I want you to take Nicky and go to the beach house.”
“Without you?”
“Yes, I’m never going to lay a finger on you again. I promise.”
“What? You’re leaving me?”
“Don’t look at it that way, Morgan. I’m giving you an easy out. You deserve better than what I’ve given you.”
“Drew, we’re not getting a divorce. I thought you wanted to talk about you paying for a fake paternity test. Why did you do that? How could you do that?” I asked, wanting off the topic that Drew was insisting on rehashing.
“It was only temporary. I couldn’t stand the thought of Nicolas belonging to Dawson. He doesn’t, Morgan. He’s one hundred percent mine.”
“How do you know?”
“I did have the test done but not until Nicky was four months old. I wanted to do it before but whenever the birthmark on his butt cheek like mine went away, I was terrified. I couldn’t fathom him not being mine. I love him so much.”
“I know you do, Drew.”
“Morgan, I love you that much too. That’s why I have to let you go. I don’t want either of you to live with me. You deserve so much more than I can give you.”
“Drew. Stop it. You’re not throwing away our family. We’ll make it. I know we will.”
“Morgan, you have got to be the dumbest girl on earth. I hurt you. I did things to purposely hurt you. I hit you because your father hit my mother.”
“He’s not my father.”
“I did horrible things to you because Michael did them to me,” Drew continued. I didn’t understand what he was saying. He wouldn’t let us walk out of his life like this. I knew he wouldn’t. Would he?
“I read the letter your mother left for you,” I admitted, looking down.
Drew didn’t reply. He looked to his lap, holding my hand and breathed a long breath.
“You never read it, did you?”
“No, not until I took it from your purse.” I didn’t even remember placing it in my purse, well, vaguely, I did. I think it was right after the caretaker told me I couldn’t have a fire.
“I went to the store. I found the photos,” I confessed.
Drew sort of smiled. “And so I underestimated you again.”
“Drew?”
“Hmm?”
“I underestimated you too.”
“What do you mean?”
“I underestimated who you are and who you’ve become.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you’ve been through a lot and have come out on top. Drew, you’re not a bad person. You’ve just been dealt a bad hand. Please don’t do this.”
“Morgan. I almost killed you.”
“You did not. Dr. Tharp said I have had a bleed for some time. You hitting me probably saved my life.”
“Morgan, you can’t keep making excuses for me. I hit you. I hit you in front of our son. It’s never going to happen again. I promise you. I’m never laying another finger on you again.”
Drew had said this at least 10 times over the past couple years. This time was different. This time, I believed him. I didn’t like the reason I believed him. He was going to leave me. That’s what he was trying to tell me.
“Let’s talk to Deidra about it when we go to our next session.”
“I’ve already talked to Deidra about it. She agrees with me. She thinks we need to be apart. She doesn’t think I will ever be able to not control you.”
“You will. You’re getting better. I can tell,” I begged like a little girl afraid of losing the only thing that ever mattered to me.
Drew stood, held my face between his hands, and kissed me. “I hit you with a fucking brain injury, Morgan. Don’t you get it? I hit you with a brain injury,” he repeated like he was realizing that for the first time.
My mother and Justin came in that afternoon. It was so surreal seeing him like this. I tried my best to talk to them, sound happy, and not think about what Drew had said. Luckily they didn’t stay long. The doctor told them it was time for my meds and I’d be asleep for at least three hours.
“Take care of yourself and get out of here,” Justin smiled, kissing my cheek.
I smiled back. “You know I’m never going to get used to hearing that man’s voice come out of your mouth, don’t you? You’re supposed to be a cute little boy with seven freckles on his nose,” I teased.
“I still have three,” he teased back.
And sleep once again took over my body.
Chapter 37
I hated the first week I was home after that incident. I hardly saw Drew at all. He was avoiding me. He used the excuse of having to work late to avoid coming to bed with me. Drew made sure I took the pills that made me sleep for hours. I slept, ate, played with Nicky, and waited, waited for Drew to get over this and come to me. He wasn’t doing it.
“Drew wanted me to help you pack,” Marta said, coming into Nicholas’s room with us.
“Pack for what?”
“He said you were going to the beach house for a while.”
“I’m not.”
“Drew said the plane was going to be ready at three.”
“Marta, I’m not leaving,” I demanded, standing from the plush carpet.
“Morgan, I think you need to go.”
“You don’t know anything. I don’t pay you to think.”
“I told Drew I would make sure you were on the plane.”
“Watch Nicky,” I ordered, storming past her.
“He’s not here,” Marta called after me.
“Where is he?”
“He had to fly to Chicago.”
“He left?”
r />
“Yes, Morgan. He’s gone. Let’s get you packed. Just go to the beach house and let things cool down. You’ll be better off there, and so will Nicholas.”
“I won’t be better off without Drew,” I fumed. She had no right. Drew had no right. He put her up to this. He couldn’t just give up on us. I wouldn’t let him. I could feel my chest tighten and the tears flow. I couldn’t breathe. Drew was throwing us away.
I didn’t pack one thing. Marta did it all. I lay in a curled ball and cried silent tears across my bed. This was really happening. Drew was really letting me go. After everything he’d done to fight for me, win me, and keep me, he was letting me go.
Marta took Nicholas with her to pack his things, leaving me sobbing for my husband. “You have an hour to get it together before we have to leave.”
I jumped off the bed as soon as the door was closed, grabbed my phone and dialed Drew. He didn’t answer. I knew he wouldn’t. I smashed the oversized phone against the door and screamed.
“DREW! I know you’re watching me! Drew! You’re not fucking doing this to us. You owe me, you son of a bitch. Don’t you fucking do this to me, DREW!” I screamed again before getting angrier. “If you let us get on that plane, you’ll never see either of us again. DO YOU HEAR ME, DREW!” I cried, dropping to my knees. “Drew, please,” I begged a desperate quiet plea.
***
Nicholas stood on my lap, patting the square window with his little hand. He loved flying. He knew when we were getting on the plane. He got so excited when we climbed aboard. I held on to him feeling broken. I didn’t know how I would function without Drew. He planned this whole thing. He was just waiting for my appointment earlier that morning with Dr. Tharp. He waited until he got the all clear before sending me away, sending not only me, his wife, but his son away as well. How could he do this?
I smiled when Nicholas turned and smiled at me, cooing da da da da. He was so innocent. He had no idea what was going on. Hell, I didn’t even know what was going on. That’s when the tears started again. Wiping them quickly away, I took a deep breath. I wasn’t going to be that girl. I wasn’t going to destroy myself over a man. Drew did this. Drew let us go.
I didn’t see my mother that night. I wasn’t in the mood for company. This was a well thought out plan. Drew had the kitchen stocked with food, milk brought in, and even laundry soap. He remembered we needed it from the last time we were there, not that it should surprise me. Drew was the most organized man I knew. He even had a red dump truck sitting on the table for Nicholas. I placed it on the floor hardwood floor for him to play with. I knew Drew was serious when I opened his office door and everything was cleared out.
I tried Drew’s number for the tenth time after putting Nicholas to bed. I’m not going to cry, I’m not going to cry, I chanted over and over, crouched in the corner of the sofa. Why wouldn’t he answer his phone? Was he seriously just going to let us go like this? Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected this from him.
Mentally exhausted, sleep finally took over around eleven at night. I didn’t go to our room, not wanting to sleep in our bed without Drew. I stayed on the sofa, covered with a quilt my mother had made for me when Drew bought me the house.
Waking to the sound of an angry storm, I went to Nicholas.
“Hey, it’s okay,” I soothed, picking him up.
I stood in front of the glass doors, swaying him back and forth while watching the massive waves, lap the beach, lightening that looked like it was touching the ocean, and wind and rain beat off the glass doors in front of us. I knew how it felt. I felt like that. If I could produce that much wrath, I’d do it too.
I did cry the next day. Jason took Nicholas and Caroline for a walk along the beach and I cried, soaking my mother’s pink top into a red one.
“How can he just throw us away like this?” I cried.
“He’s not throwing you away, honey. He’s trying to protect you.”
“You talked to him?” Oh, my god. Everyone knew he was doing this. I wondered if Alicia knew, and I made a mental note to call her as soon as I was alone.
“Yes, he called. He wanted to make sure I would take care of you.”
“I can take care of myself.”
“Maybe, but I’m still your mom. It’s my job to take care of you.”
“Humph,” I let it slip, rolling my eyes. I didn’t mean to, but hearing those words from my mother was still foreign to me. She never took care of me, not like she does Caroline. “I’m sorry,” I instantly said.
“I deserved that.”
“No, you didn’t. You’re no different than Drew. You had me when you were sixteen. You did what you knew to do, what everyone else around that god forsaken town did. I’m just happy that you’re here now,” I tried making up for my stupidity.
I was glad my mother was there, and I was glad that she had Jason and Caroline.
I spent three weeks without one word from Drew. I was getting pissed. It is one thing to toss me out, but Nicholas didn’t deserve this. He was probably wondering where his daddy was. How long did it take a one-year-old to forget? Was he already starting to forget him? How long does it take a grown woman to forget?
Alicia was never any help. Celeste doesn’t talk about it, that’s the answer I always got, not that I didn’t find it to be the truth. I knew Celeste minded her own business, and I was sure Drew wasn’t telling her anything. I needed a plan. There had to be something that would get him to call me.
I started with the credit card, spending nine thousand dollars on anything and everything I could think of to buy online in a one week. When that didn’t work, I bought a twenty five thousand dollar ring. That would surely do it. Drew would be pissed that I bought something like that, especially from the company that he hated most, his biggest competitor. Drew despised Malibu jewels. I knew he’d call. He didn’t.
Next I decided to remodel Drew’s office. I had the walls lined with bookshelves, the desk taken out, replacing it with two big comfy chairs with matching ottomans, one for me and one for Nicky. My next spending spree was books to fill the shelves. That part I loved and actually did occupy my mind. Every time I got a shipment of books, I spent hours organizing them. I was going to read every last one of them. That would occupy my time and my mind.
Okay now this was getting to be ridiculous. Drew didn’t care that I’d spent close to one hundred thousand dollars in less than a month. He wasn’t calling.
“Here, you read this,” I said, taking my book from Nicky and handing him one of his shiny books with the fat pages. I sat on the floor with him and dialed Celeste. I was going to demand that she give him the phone, enough was enough. He had plenty of time to get over feeling sorry for himself, and I wanted our family back together.
“I know you’re with Drew. Let me talk to him,” I demanded as soon as she answered.
“Actually, I’m not with Drew. He had an appointment with Deidra this morning.”
“He did?” That surprised me. He was still seeing Deidra?
“Yes, he goes twice a week.”
“He does?”
“Yes, how are you?”
“I’m miserable. How is Drew?”
“Miserable. I don’t know what he’s thinking. You two belong together.”
“Have you tried telling him that? I could use some help.”
“I have. He won’t listen. He truly believes he is doing the right thing.”
“He’s not.”
“It’s not for me to say, Morgan. I just work for the man.”
“You’re a friend. You do more than just work for him.”
“He’s not going to listen to me.”
“I know.” I admitted. She was right. Drew would tell her to mind her own business. Nothing was going to get him to call.
Wait a second….
“Hey, I’ll talk to you later. I need to get Nicholas out of the flowerpot again.”
“Okay, call me anytime.”
“I will. Thanks.”
>
Nicholas really was in the flowerpot again. I opened his fist, dropping the hand full of dirt, and tossed him in the air. “You stay out of there, little man,” I sang.
Placing him on the floor in our new little library I gave him some toys and opened up the airline booking site for Drew’s plane. It worked. I proudly smiled ten minutes later when I saw Drew’s number.
“What the hell are you doing, Morgan?”
“Drew, how are you?” I nonchalantly asked.
“Morgan, you are not going to Maine.”
“I’m not?” I coyly asked.
“No, you’re not. You have no reason to go to Maine.”
“I’m not sure that’s for you to decide. You threw us away, remember, Drew? You haven’t talked to me in almost two months. You can’t just call me and demand that I not do something you don’t want me to do.”
“Morgan, don’t do this.”
“Fine, come and get us. Take us home.”
“Morgan, you’re doing fine there. You’re better there. Please don’t go to Maine.”
“Yeah, okay. Well, if you only called to tell me that I wasn’t allowed to fly to Maine, I guess we’re finished here.”
“I’m not kidding, Morgan. Don’t you dare take my son across the country.”
“You mean the son that you haven’t even called to check on for almost two months?”
“I talk to your mother every day.” Now that pissed me off.
I hung up, furious with him and my mother for not telling me. I was going to Maine. Seeing Starlight was just what I needed. . Maybe I should call her first. We were going to need a place to stay.
My mother and I had words that evening at supper about her talking to Drew daily and not telling me. I had been moping around for weeks, and she had been talking to him.
“Morgan, I’m trying to do what’s best for both you. I don’t know how to help you without helping Drew.”
“What does that mean? You think Nicky and I are better off without him?”
“I do. I’m scared something is going to happen and Nicholas is going to lose both of you.”