When I opened them again, I was back at Richard’s home. He was standing a few metres away by the fireplace, how did I get back to the house? I closed my eyes again and tried to move but was sore all over. Opening my eyes again, I saw that Richard had now caught sight of me and came to me immediately. His face was close to mine and his lips were moving but I couldn’t make out the words. Against my will, my eyes closed again. My exhaustion couldn’t keep them open. The pain in my body was getting stronger, but I was now able to move a little. I forced my eyes open. Richard was still close to me and he was very upset. I raised my aching arm towards him. My hands were dirty and bloody.
“Am I alive?” I joked.
“Yes, yes you are,” Richard replied quickly with a laugh. “The doctor said no broken bones, you were very lucky.”
I moaned. The pain was unbearable.
“What happened to Sugar? Is she OK?”
Richard didn’t reply.
“Is she alright, sir?” a voice said nervously from somewhere behind me.
Richard turned toward the voice. It was the man who looked after the horses when we were having a lunch. He looked upset and edgy. He came closer to me.
“Please forgive me, Miss. I should have stopped you from getting on Sugar,” he said.
“No, no. You did try. I remember you offered me your horse. I should have listened to you,” I admitted with a comforting smile. “I just thought she was anxious to get back to the stables.”
Richard had moved to the side so that the man could see for himself that I was all right. The tension between them was obvious.
I hate myself for getting this poor man into trouble with my foolishness.
“Is Sugar OK?” I asked again.
The man looked surprised by my question and didn’t answer. He looked towards Richard.
“She didn’t make it, Catherine.”
“No, No!” I cried, covering my face with my bloodied hands.
Richard held my hands gently to pull them away from my face.
“She did this to you.”
“No she didn’t. She was trying to stop this from happening!” I cried and shook my head.
“I don’t understand. Adam said he had never seen her like this before. She was wild!” Richard tried to explain.
Richard then looked to Adam for an explanation.
“Miss, it’s true. I have been her carer since she was a filly, and I have never seen her react like that to a rider before. I rode after you. I saw how erratic she was. It wasn’t Sugar. It was like she was possessed.”
“You rode after me?” I whispered.
“Yes, Miss. I could see that she was out of control; I wanted to be sure that she had calmed down. She was wild. I don’t know how you stayed on for as long as you did. I called out but you were too far ahead to hear me.”
“What did you call out?”
“Pardon?”
“What exactly did you call out? My name?”
“No, not your name,” Adam replied, confused.
“She threw me off as she was heading for the cliff. She saved me!” I cried.
“That will be all Adam, thank you,” Richard said.
Adam left immediately and Richard came to sit beside me on the lounge.
“Catherine, I am so sorry for all of this, and for upsetting you just now. I am trying to understand.”
How could he understand? It’s me who should be apologising. That horse died because of me. I believe that with every inch of my body.
I looked at myself, all dirty and sore, and shook my head.
“I want to have a shower. Can you help me up?”
“Yes, of course. I will have Mary come and assist you in the shower,” he said, gently supporting my arm and lifting me off the lounge. I felt sore all over.
Mary organised the shower and my clothes. I was able to undress and shower myself while Mary waited in my room. I could see the damage to my body. I had several bruises on my leg and a cut on my forehead that was already dressed. I had scratches all over my hands. When I got out of the shower, Mary had laid my clothes out on my bed: a pair of long silk pants and a matching camisole.
“Thank you Mary. Sorry to be such a nuisance.”
She didn’t reply, just smiled and left, so I took that as an acceptance of my apology.
Despite her lack of response, I didn’t want her to leave me. I didn’t want to be alone. I got dressed and sat on my bed, waiting and thinking. I looked around the room, fearful that something might happen. The security I once enjoyed was gone.
I can’t be alone…
Suddenly, a knock on the door startled me.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“It’s me. Can I come in?” Richard asked.
“Yes.”
He opened the door while he balanced a tray in his other hand. When he noticed what I was wearing he became flustered.
“Richard it’s OK! Your lady friend who picked out all my clothes obviously had some big plans for us this weekend!”
He laughed, placing the tray on the table and standing at the end of my bed. He stood there, wanting to say something but resisting. I felt for him, he had tried to make this a perfect weekend but it was doomed before it began.
“Richard, I beg you! Don’t feel bad for any of this, none of it is your fault. You have been wonderful and I have honestly enjoyed my time here with you.”
“May I?” he asked, pointing to the chair.
I nodded.
He sat on the chair.
“How are you feeling now?” he asked sincerely.
“Guilty.” I looked away. I didn’t want to cry and the last thing I needed was sympathy.
“Please… Don’t be. It could have been a lot worse,” he said as he ran his hand through his hair. I could tell he was frustrated. “I will let you rest, you won’t be disturbed.” He stood up to leave.
“No! I mean. Ah… I don’t know how to ask you, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t want to be alone tonight. I can’t be alone. Please don’t leave.”
“What is it?” Richard rushed over to me. “I won’t leave you. Not even for a moment, I promise.”
“Stay in my bed… with me… and don’t leave, even if I fall asleep,” I pleaded.
“Wild horses couldn’t drag me away…”
“You didn’t just say that?” I looked at him shocked. With all that had happened today that was the best phrase he could come up with?
“I did… sorry!” he said with a guilty smile.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So I did neither.
I got into bed ever so slowly while Richard dimmed the lights and followed me. To his shock, and ultimately his approval, I moved closer to him. The only way I was going to be able to close my eyes and relax was to feel him next to me. After a few minutes I was able to close my eyes. I didn’t want to remember anything about today. All I wanted was to sleep now and in the morning go back to James. Tomorrow could not come quick enough.
CHAPTER TEN
I woke to find myself all over Richard. I mean all over. I was lying in his arms with my arm across his chest and my leg resting over him as well. He was awake but lying still. He chuckled when he saw my reaction.
“I am so sorry…” I said, embarrassed, trying to move away without touching him further.
“Please don’t be sorry, I’m not!” he smirked.
I playfully slapped his chest.
“Ouch!” I opened my hand. It was red and sore. And just like that, all of yesterday’s memories were there in the palm of my hand.
“You must have held onto those reins for dear life.”
“I did.”
Richard was still lying next to me, leaning on one arm. I sat up in bed, trying to adjust my top and fix my hair. He had a smile on his face that made me very suspicious.
“What?”
“Nothing…”
I shook my head. “Tell me!”
He smiled and sat up.
> “You were talking in your sleep last night,” he told me in a serious tone.
“No… Oh… no!” I paused for a moment, wondering what I could have possibly said.
“Don’t you want to know?” he enquiry.
I was terrified about what he may have heard me say.
“You were calling out to James… Are you with him?” he asked, sounding disappointed.
“Richard…”
“Are you with him?” he asked again, this time with more urgency.
“No, I mean, yes…” I replied.
“Why James? I have never ever seen him show a flicker of affection to any woman before. Why now? Why you?” His voice was raised as he got out of the bed, away from me.
“Richard, please,” I tried to console him, following him out of the bed.
“That man doesn’t know how to love!”
“Stop it!” I shouted.
“James does not love you!”
“Please, don’t…”
“What kind of man lets the woman he loves go away with another man?”
“It’s complicated.”
“There is nothing complicated about love.” He grabbed the back of my neck, pulling me close to him, and kissed me. I tried to resist but he was too strong. He pushed his body closer to mine. I didn’t want to kiss him, but I could feel his pain and the love in his touch. It was the way I was feeling when I wanted James but couldn’t have him. I stopped resisting and kissed him back. I brought my body even closer to him. I placed my hands on his chest and neck, for a moment forgetting who I was, and whom I loved. I gave Richard the memory that he needed, because after today I was certain I would never see him again.
I slowly pulled my lips away from his, my mouth still slightly open and breathless. We stared into each other’s eyes for a moment.
“Catherine…”
I put my fingers to his lips to stop him.
“I want to go back… Now!”
When I arrived back at the college, it was just me, in the dress I had left in, and my empty bag. Richard had respected my wishes to return alone.
“Goodbye Michael, thank you for the lift.”
“It was my pleasure. Can I help you with your bag?” he asked politely.
“No, it’s not heavy at all. Thanks anyway.” Stupid bag. I have never known anything so insignificant to have so much attention.
I headed back into the college building, desperate to see James. I saw a few teachers along the way who looked concerned when they greeted me. The guilt of that kiss was written all over my face. I walked past a mirror in the foyer and caught glimpse of my reflection. The bandage was still on my forehead, and the cuts and bruises were still visible. I had forgotten about them. I should have explained but I couldn’t be bothered. I went to James’s office first and knocked on his door, which had now been fixed. No answer. I headed for the common room and peeked in. I didn’t want to be noticed. Just about everybody was in there, but not James. Disappointed, I headed to my room. The stairs had never been so hard to climb. My legs were still aching, and for the first time this weekend I was glad my bag was empty. When I finally got to my room, I collapsed onto my bed. I finally felt like I was home. I stared at the ceiling before closing my eyes to rest them.
“Knock, knock. Are you back?” Jules sung out from the hallway.
I got off my bed as fast as I could to open the door for her. I was so happy to see her. Unable to contain my joy I did the unthinkable and held her. I hugged her tightly, until I realised the pain I had just brought on myself.
“Ouch!” I complained as I stepped away from her.
“Oh my Lord, what has happened to you?” Jules cried.
“It was an accident.”
“What kind of accident?” she yelled back, upset.
“Horse riding,” I whispered. I grabbed her arm and pulled her into my room.
“I am so happy to see you, Jules, and to be back.”
“Catherine, I’m happy to see you too, but not like this, you really look hurt.” She shook her head.
“Jules, I promise it looks worse than it is.”
“What did Richard do? He must feel awful.”
If only she knew!
“It was no one’s fault, just an accident.”
“Is that why you came back so early?”
“Um… No, I just wanted some time to be ready for tomorrow’s classes, that’s all.”
“How was your weekend? Was it everything you imagined? Please tell me everything! Is he as romantic as I imagine?” she asked, moving around the room like she was dancing.
“Jules, Richard and I aren’t together.” I decided to be honest.
“What? Did something happen?”
“No, our feelings for each other just aren’t the same.”
“Oh, Catherine, I am so sorry. Men can be so cruel sometimes.”
Jules hugged me and held onto me while I rolled my eyes.
“Ouch!” I yelled.
“Sorry!”
“Jules, where is everyone?” I asked casually.
“Well, um, let’s see. Dr Simons has gone for a walk; most of the teachers are in the common room, and Mr Barclay, well, I guess he is in his office or his room. Actually I haven’t seen him since Friday morning. I am meeting Dr Simons in a little while for tea. Would you like to join us? I know he would love to see you. He has been waiting anxiously for you to come back.”
“Thank you, but I’ll pass. I am still sore and tired. I might have a nap.”
“Very well, welcome back. A rest sounds like a great idea. Try to keep your chin up. There are plenty of fish in the sea!” she said to comfort me, and left.
The plot thickens…
After a few minutes in my room, I went to James’s door and knocked. No one answered. I knocked again but still no answer. I put my ear to the door and could hear water running. I grabbed the door handle, praying it was unlocked, and it was. I entered the room, locking the door behind me. I wasn’t sure what I should do next, so I sat on the edge of the bed, in front of the bathroom door and waited. I grabbed his pillow and held it close to my face, breathing in the beautiful scent that I had missed. I closed my eyes and waited. Finally the water stopped running and my heart started thumping. I watched the door handle turn. I had never felt so insecure. I was unsure how he would react, seeing me.
As he opened the door, he came out with a towel around his waist and another one drying his hair. I couldn’t wait. I ran to him and put my arms around him.
“Catherine! No!” In his surprise, he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me away.
“Ahh!” I cried. My shoulders were aching.
He took a second to look at me, pulling my hair away from my face. He touched my face, and gently touched my shoulders— the same shoulders that he had just pushed away.
“Are you alright?” he asked, concerned.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I muttered, holding back the tears.
And then there was fury in his eyes.
“Did Richard do this to you?” He was visibly angry and beared his teeth as he spoke.
“What? No! Of course not! James, please… just hold me.”
“Catherine. Please…” He tried not to care, but couldn’t. He shook his head.
“What happened to you?” he asked in a softer caring voice.
I didn’t want to answer so I turned away. He followed me, crouching down, looking at my face.
“Please… Tell me! Who did this to you?”
“Not who… what. I had a visitor while I was away. An old friend of ours – the one you and Mr Kemp were certain would leave me alone as long as we weren’t together. James it’s not you that it’s trying to stop me from being with. It’s anyone! This thing wants me dead so it can have me. I sense this now. It’s not about us, it’s about me! So stop pushing me away, it won’t make a difference,” I cried.
He completely caught off guard by my theory and tone.
I stood quietly and waited, hoping that h
e believed me.
“Are you in pain?” he asked as he placed his hand gently on my cheek and wiped my tears.
“I was thrown off a horse, while it was moving at 100 kilometres per hour.”
“Ouch…” he whispered. “Is this all still worth it for you? Wouldn’t it be easier to just leave and go back to Australia?”
“I can never leave, this is my home now. I love you. Nothing else matters.”
I stepped closer to him, praying he would let me near him and not push me away.
“I never stopped loving you, Catherine. When you went with Richard… I went mad. I hated myself for letting you go.”
I bit my lip, remembering a few things that I needed to let him know about my weekend away.
“Um… There’s something else. Richard knows about us,” I confessed.
“You told him?” he asked surprised.
“Not exactly…”
“Then how does he know?”
“When I realised that it wasn’t safe for me to be alone, I asked him… to stay in my room. I was terrified of being alone.”
“In your room? I don’t know which is worse, our ghost or Richard? Go on…”
“Well, apparently, I talk in my sleep. I was calling out your name.”
I shook my head, contemplating whether I should tell him everything. I wanted to, but I didn’t.
“And now there are two after you! You’re not helping the situation either. Do you think you could stop attracting attention from anyone else? Please?” He was so trusting and understanding that he didn’t question me.
“Catherine, I don’t know how to fix this,” James admitted.
“But you will!”
“I don’t know.”
“And I promise I will do whatever you want. I will obey any rules and even put up with Mr Kemp babysitting me! Anything…”
“I am going to take you up on that,” he smiled.
“Do we still have to keep us being together a secret?” I enquiry.