Oh boy. Banyan had said he’d put us on some kind of list. But what if we weren’t on there? He’d been sort of distracted. I swallowed. This was okay. I wanted to see my friends, if for no other reason than to assure myself they were still my friends, but I didn’t really need to go inside there. The music was loud and campus security drove slowly up and down the street.
“Do we have to get in the line?” Ella turned to ask me.
“I really have no idea.” That was the truth. “I’ve never done this before.”
Michelle grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the front of the line. Two girls behind us yelled, one of them saying bitch and something close to who the fuck are they or an equally repulsive insult. I wanted to turn around, but Michelle yanked me forward.
“We’re on a list.” She shouted to the frat brother guarding the door. Actually, he must be a pledge. He wasn’t wearing letters.
He rolled his eyes and didn’t look up from his phone. “Name.”
“She’s Giovanna Amsel.”
His eyes widened a second before he shoved his phone in his pocket. “Yep. You guys are expected. Sorry. People try that. To get in. They say they’re on the list. They’re not on it. We thought you’d be here hours ago.”
They did? Why? Everyone had told me not before ten. It was only ten thirty. I stared at the kid at the door. Kid. He must have only been two years younger than me except he looked really young and spooked, staring at us like we might bite his head off or something.
He moved aside, and I was practically pushed out of the way when my friends came through the threshold. I stood with my mouth hanging open. The beautifully clean, put together house my friends had let me stay in for three nights had been completely transformed.
People were everywhere. Music blared from speakers, the bass turned up way too loud for my ears and a haze of smoke loomed in the air. The furniture was gone. Instead, pool tables that had cups lined up all over them were where the couches had been, and a keg blocked the door to the kitchen. Flashing lights streamed by the basement door where I knew they had a dance floor and a gym as well as many other rooms I’d yet to see.
Someone jostled me. It was a girl I’d seen in Economics 101 two years earlier. She was hardly wearing any clothing and seemed ready to tip over on her heels. I grabbed her arm. “You okay?”
She nodded before moving on toward wherever she was going.
“Vonni,” Chance shouted for me. He was the only one who ever called me that. A second later I was off the ground and in his arms for a long hug. He smelled like Chance… and like beer.
He set me back down on the ground. “I was becoming convinced you weren’t coming.”
It wasn’t what he said that told me he was drunk but how he said it. One word slurred into the next. “Why? It’s only ten thirty.”
“Vonni, we started this party at four o’clock.”
I shook my head. “No one told me that. They said after ten.”
“Well, you have to be invited to the beginning.” He shrugged. “You’re here now. You look so pretty. But you always look pretty.”
My cheeks heated up. He did tend to get really affectionate when he’d been drinking. It was cute. “Um, Chance these are my friends. Ladies, this is Chance.”
He waved at them for a second before he turned his attention back to me. “I have a question for you.”
“What’s that?” He took my hand and pulled me along. I looked over my shoulder, ready to tell my friends I’d be right back, but they were already talking to guys. They seemed fine. I’d check in a second. Maybe Chance wanted to go someplace quieter? That was when I finally saw the couches. They’d been pushed to the back of the house against the windows.
Three couples made out pretty heavily on them in sets of twos. I looked away. There was something that always felt icky to me about watching private moments, even when people were displaying them in public.
“Move, children.” The three guys jumped up, one of them spilling a beer he’d had in his hand while he made out with the blonde. “Go find something to help with. Now.”
“Yes, Brother Chance.” The couch was now empty, and Chance pulled me down on it with him. He leaned against the side, tucking me against him.
In the chaos of this place, it actually felt… nice. I shook my head. “What did you want to ask me?”
He squinted at me for a second. “What?”
“You said you wanted to ask me something.”
“Oh.” He smiled broadly. “If I had talked to you in psych class would you have spoken to me?”
That was his question? “Of course. Why?”
“Well, I keep thinking that if I’d only spoken to you then you’d be my girlfriend now. You could have been for many, many years. I could have lettered you and next year when you graduated, after I’d done a year in the lab before medical school, I could ask you to marry me. But I’ve got to tell you, none of that happened. So now we’re in this kind of screwed up situation where I’m thinking things like that. Things I don’t think, Vonni. I don’t go around thinking things like that ever. Do you understand? And I think that Maven and Banyan are thinking similar things. That’s all kinds of screwed up. Fuck, I am so drunk right now. I don’t talk like this. But seriously? I won’t hurt them. We lost a friend together. Our friend died when we were supposed to be on vacation because his father was an asshole and he lost control of the car. That makes you close. You know? Like brothers. And what are we going to do? Because I don’t think I can give you up.”
By the time he had finished speaking, my mouth had gone dry. The music blared. People were running by and Chance had just said all the things I’d worried about. What were we going to do? My heart beat so loudly I could hear it in my ears.
“Giovanna,” Maven called as he ran over.
I opened my mouth. Chance needed me to say something. There was no doubt about that.
“Chance.” Maven hadn’t quite reached us. “I…”
I didn’t have to worry. Two seconds later, Chance puked into a trash can next to the couch. Yep, we were absolutely not having that conversation right that second.
Maven plopped down next to me. “Oh boy, did he hit the tequila hard, and he mixed it. He’s stone drunk right now. Probably blacking out.” He reached behind me to pat the still puking Chance on the back. “Where have you been, Giovanna? I’ve been looking for you all night.”
I took a deep breath. “I thought it started at ten.”
Chapter 2
I’d never seen Maven multi-task like he was. What made it even odder to watch was that I was pretty sure he was also drunk. In all our days away from school, I’d never seen them start drinking at four and still be at it six hours later. I hadn’t seen Banyan yet and since he was usually the heaviest drinker of the group, I had no idea what condition he’d be in.
Maven scooted me over to change positions with him so he was between Chance and me. I really couldn’t believe Chance was still puking. How much did he have in his stomach? Then Maven started giving instructions to the pledges every time they came by. Once, he jumped up, said something to a brother, who promptly turned around and fled the room. What on earth was that about? I almost asked, and then I remembered the few things we’d discussed about the fraternity when I’d first stayed here. There were lots of things that were secret.
“How are you?” He turned to me, a smile on his face. “Did no one tell you four o’clock?”
I shook my head. “No, sorry. I’d have been on time. So, this is it? What it’s like here when you have a party? How do you live through it?”
“What?” he shouted, turning slightly. “What the fuck is going on with the volume of the music, and why isn’t Banyan handling it?” He jumped to his feet. “Sorry, Giovanna. I need campus security to stay where they are and not come inside to tell us to turn down the music. Once they do that they have free reign to look through the place. Not dealing with that tonight if I don’t have to. And since our pledge master d
ecided to mix beer and liquor, I’m on pledge duty, too. Fuck, what is Banyan doing? I’ll be back.” He grabbed a pledge by the arm and shouted to be heard over the music, which had changed from dance music to full on hard rock. “Stay here. This is Giovanna. You stay here with her and watch Brother Chance. If he needs anything, you get it for him. Am I clear?”
“Yes, Brother Maven.”
Listening to the brother this and brother that was so bizarre. I half expected them to don monk outfits and start chanting Franciscan hymns. I’d seen that once. It was beautiful. Nothing like the parade of drunken mess happening here and what was worse was that it didn’t make me want to partake of the festivities at all. Maybe I wasn’t fun. That was totally possible.
Maven turned back for a second, kissing me on the cheek. “I’ll be back. So glad you’re here now.”
The pledge’s eyes widened, and Maven shot him a look. “Something you want to say Pledge Jerome?”
He cleared his throat. “I was just surprised you’d kiss Brother Chance’s girlfriend, Brother Maven. It goes against code.”
“She is not Brother Chance’s girlfriend.”
Jerome’s mouth fell open. “Oh, then I’m surprised Brother Chance was being so touchy-feely with your girlfriend earlier.”
“She’s also not my girlfriend.” A pledge walked by and handed Maven a plastic red cup, which he took a long sip from. “And get that look off your face. She’s not what you’re thinking now either. She’s our friend and a friend to the house. You understand what that means?”
Jerome nodded, fast. “Yes, Brother Maven. I do.”
“Good.” Maven grabbed the arm of another pledge. “Where in the hell is Brother Banyan?”
“I… I… I…” the redheaded pledge stammered. “I have no idea. I haven’t seen him.”
Maven let go of his arm. “Find him. That’s what you do right now. You find him and you tell him that I would like his presence in my presence now.”
The guy ran frantically away, presumably to do what Maven said. Without another look, Maven ran off. I turned to Jerome, who was looking at the floor like it was his job. Should I say hello? Should I not?
It didn’t matter. Right at that second, Chance picked up his head. “Fuck. I totally overdid it today.”
I patted his back, glad he was able to communicate. “Feeling better?”
“No. And I’m a frickin’ idiot. I know better than this.” He closed his eyes, and I elbowed him gently, which got him to lift his lids.
“If you’re going to pass out, maybe not on the couch in the middle of a party? That feels like something out of a story I don’t like.”
In my mind I could see the stern face of the detective asking questions. And no one saw that he was dead right there in the middle of the party with the underage drinking and drug use? Okay, his dialogue would be better than that…
Chance rubbed his eyes. “You’re right.” He gave me a sideways smile. “Think I’m still drunk. Fuck. Okay. Brother Jerome, sorry you’re not a brother yet, Pledge Jerome. I’m going upstairs. Were you put on babysitting duty?”
Jerome nodded. “Yes.”
“Then let’s go. Sorry, man. I babysat my pledge master, once. That sucked. Let’s just both get this humiliation over with. When did you get here, Vonni?”
I cleared my throat. “Really don’t remember or you don’t like what you said to me so you’re going to pretend you don’t remember?”
He paled. “Fuck. What did I say?”
“We can talk tomorrow.” Or never, ever discuss it. That might work, too.
He grabbed my arm and then winced. “Sorry, I might not be done puking. Did I ruin anything? Like… do I need to apologize?”
“No, I think you might have just told me how you were feeling, and I clearly needed to hear that.”
He rubbed his eyes. “Fuck me. I’m not drinking like this ever again.”
People said things like that all the time. I didn’t know if he meant it or not.
“I wanted to see you so much tonight, and I’ve really screwed this up. First night I’ll have not slept near you in weeks.”
“Giovanna,” Banyan bellowed from somewhere nearby and Chance groaned. Jerome helped him up and they disappeared toward the stairs. I didn’t get a chance to follow them since I was quickly in Banyan’s arms and then over his shoulder.
“Where have you been?” He shouted up at me.
“It might be easier to talk to me if you put me down,” I yelled back.
He set me back down. “Look how cute you are in those awesome black pants but still styling with the sneakers. I dig it.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “I thought the party started at ten. I know. I’m horribly late. Where have you been? Maven is trying to find you. He wants the music turned down.”
“Well, then.” He pushed a piece of my hair behind my ear, which gave me shivers in a good way. Before New York, I’d never known that was possible. “He can walk over to the DJ booth and he can turn it down.” He pantomimed turning down the music. “I’m talking to you.”
He seemed different than Maven and Chance. “You’re not drunk.”
“Not yet, no. Maybe not tonight.” He shrugged. “I’ve been busy making sure we’re not over capacity and that everyone is behaving. Maybe I’m just over the whole thing.”
“Banyan,” a woman shouted, shoving herself between us, which was impressive because he had his hands on my waist and she had to push me back to get to him. I stumbled into someone who then poured his beer all over me. I couldn’t believe it, and I gaped at my now soaking wet shirt before turning slightly to stare at the woman who had wanted Banyan so badly that she’d been happy to potentially hurt a perfect stranger to get to him.
His eyes were huge and, as he glared at her open mouthed, she tried to kiss him. He seemed to duck out of the way, spinning around and setting her down on her feet before he turned around to grab my arm.
“Are you okay?”
I flapped at my shirt. “Well, I’m wet.”
That was such a stupid thing to say but often when I was uncomfortable I had no idea how to conduct myself. I couldn’t think of anything more disconcerting than dripping wet in beer in the middle of this fraternity house all because a woman wanted to kiss my friend with benefits so badly that she shoved me over.
Felicia grabbed my other arm. Where had she come from? “Giovanna, are you okay?”
“Banyan,” the shover shouted, trying to grab him again.
“I can see you’re wet.” Banyan ignored the other woman. “I’m sorry. What the fuck just happened? I…”
“Banyan,” now it was Maven yelling for him. “I cannot get the volume down. Come on, man. We’re going to get campus security in here. Who needs that shit?”
Okay, I was done. I was done, done, done. I’d clearly been right to always avoid this. It was too much of just too much. I stepped back, grabbing onto Felicia’s arm. “I don’t want to spoil your night but can we go? Or I can go. You don’t have to go.”
“No.” She shook her head. “We don’t leave anyone by themselves ever. Yes, we’ll leave.”
Banyan’s face fell. “Sweetheart, you don’t have to go. I’ll get you one of my shirts.”
“It’s not the wet.” It both was and wasn’t the reason I needed to get out of there. “I don’t belong here. I feel like a fish out of water.”
Not to mention that Chance’s words were banging around in my head. I thought we were all friends. Did he have feelings for me? I knew I had fallen over the line for all three of them, but I’d not gotten the impression that was reciprocated. They told me they’d done this before.
Banyan pointed upstairs. “Let’s go talk. In my room.”
“Banyan,” Maven shouted again. “Are you not going to manage your job tonight? Chance dropped the ball. You’re going to do that, too?”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Giovanna got beer spilled all over, and she is trying to leave. Can you give me a second?”
/>
Maven ran over. “You okay?” He grabbed a pledge by the arm. “Go get her a towel. Where is Chance?”
“He and Jerome went upstairs. I don’t want a towel. I just want to go.”
Maven’s face fell. “Something happen?”
“That’s what I’m trying to determine. For the love of all things,” Banyan ran a hand through his hair. “Can you seriously not work the DJ booth? Where’s the pledge that’s supposed to be doing this anyway?”
“Guys, I’m not cut out for this. Not a big deal. I’ll see you another time.”
Although I wondered if I would. We’d been on vacation, and it had been a little piece of perfection. There hadn’t been any other way to think about it. But now we were here, I was covered in beer, cold, and I knew right then I’d never spend another minute inside this fraternity house while they were having a party.
I’d go back to who I’d been, and they would do the same.
And if what Chance had said was true, maybe that was for the best. I wouldn’t pit them against each other or ruin their friendships. Not when it was so clear that I wasn’t the right girl for them here at school.
Maven touched the side of my face. “Can we talk tomorrow?”
“Sure.”
I’d give it fifty-fifty if we would.
The sirens woke me from the haze of my unhappy dreams. It was still dark out, and the clock said I hadn’t been asleep even two hours. It was only one in the morning. My head pounded in such a way that I knew I was in the throes of a migraine. I used to get them a lot more and they usually ran in correlation to my cycle.
That made sense.
Molly wasn’t in the room, not that I expected her to be since she slept at R.J.’s most nights. Those were fire engines and I was truly getting tired of hearing them at night. In Manhattan, I’d been able to tune out most noises since there was so much exterior noise all the time. Although the Upper East Side was pretty quiet comparatively to other parts of the city, it was still plenty busy.