I felt myself shudder as another sob broke free of my chest, and Branford’s grip tightened on my shoulders as he rocked back and forth, telling me I was safe, and I didn’t have to cry. I didn’t believe him, but I finally gave into exhaustion and let the world go black as I closed my eyes.
*****
The room was quite dark and chilled when I woke, and the fire had gone out completely. Though my first thought was to restart the flames, I found myself unable to move as I realized Branford was not in the bed with me. Indeed, the blankets on his side were quite cold.
I rolled slightly and felt the cool sheets hit my bare shoulder, aggravating the scrape from the wall. I cringed as I realized I was still wearing the horrible garment and started to sit up so I could get out of the bed and change when I heard something from the other room. It was the soft echo of a woman’s voice just outside the doorway in the morning room and Branford’s hushed response. I craned my head and tried to make out the woman’s words.
“…where I found Ramona and the dress Alexandra was supposed to wear. Ramona is just beside herself, especially after she heard about you taking Alexandra away. I should have gone myself, but there was the disaster in the kitchen and…well, it doesn’t matter now, but at the time…”
It was Ida’s voice, I realized. She sighed heavily.
“And Ramona confirms it? Kimberly and Nelle are responsible for all of this?”
“She did.” There was a brief pause. “I know that look, big brother. You can’t…Mommy promised to take care of them…you can’t do that.”
“I swore to Alexandra I would protect her.” Branford’s hard voice rang out against the stone. “I failed her already. The very least I can do is place their heads on the castle wall as a reminder of how I feel regarding betrayal.”
“But Sunniva promised Mommy they would be cared for, Branford. You can’t…” I heard her breath hitch and her voice crack on her words. “You can’t do that. Not to Mommy’s sister’s daughters. Not to our cousins.”
“I cannot sit back and have them humiliate me and practically torture my wife.” Branford’s voice was a low growl. “My God, if Mother hadn’t come in…or if Ramona had been harmed …I can’t even imagine it.”
“Do you think executing them will fix all of this?”
I strained but could hear nothing at first. There was a long moment of silence before Branford replied.
“No.” Again, there was a long pause when no words were spoken. “Tell me what to do, Ida. I scared her. I’ve been trying to gain her trust, and I have certainly ruined that now.”
“Do you want to fix it?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Then stop acting like a conceited ass and think of her first.”
“Is it too late?”
“Only Alexandra can answer that question,” Ida said conclusively. “If she does give you the opportunity, which you do not deserve, you will have your work cut out for you. No more half-truths and hiding things from her. Tell her everything, Branford. Let her know you. She will either accept you or not, but at least it will be out in the open. You are not such an awful man even if you are an ass.”
I could hear their soft laughter, the murmur of additional words, and the closing of the door before I heard Branford’s footsteps getting closer. The dim light from a candle he carried flickered over the walls as he approached me sitting up in our bed.
“You’re awake,” Branford said quietly. He sat himself on the edge of the bed and placed the candle on a nearby table but did not come close enough to touch me, and I was grateful. Remembering I still had not changed out of the dress that had started all of this, I pulled the bed sheets up to my shoulders.
“Only for a minute,” I replied though I realized he would wonder what I had heard of his conversation with his sister. I did not want to be deceitful to him, so I answered the question I knew he would ask. “I heard you and Ida talking.”
“She was afraid you would think she had something to do with it,” Branford said, gesturing toward me and the accursed dress. “She wanted you to know she had a proper dress for you and sent Ramona to deliver it and help you get ready. Something happened to her along the way. Ramona is trusted. We thought she had been with you all afternoon.”
Perhaps I should have felt comforted by his words, but I did not. My mind was still hazy from sleep, and my eyes were sore from the tears I had already shed. Remembering myself walking into the room with all those people looking at me and seeing Branford’s eyes made me shudder.
“When I saw you walk in, wearing that…that dress”—Branford’s voice turned cold and hard, and I flinched back toward the headboard, gripping the sheets tighter to my chest—“I thought the worst. It was irrational—I know that now—but at the time, all I could think was you had somehow managed to trick me. I thought you were a traitor sent to spy on Silverhelm.”
I could almost feel the phantom grip of his fingers on the flesh of my arm as he growled that word—traitor—into my ear as he dragged me back to these rooms. I closed my eyes, both to him and the memory.
“Look at me, Alexandra.”
I tilted my head and opened my eyes again slowly. He had leaned forward with one of his elbows propped against his knee, and his eyes flickered darkly in the candlelight.
“I was wrong,” he said. He spoke in a quick, hushed whisper. “I realize that now. I know you didn't...you didn’t wear that intentionally.”
I didn't understand his change of tone or the look in his eyes. He seemed almost as if he were in pain, and I fought back the same desire I had when I had shaved him—to run my hand through his hair and tell him everything was all right—because it was not all right. I didn’t even know what he now planned to do with me. Even as I tried to make meaning of the queen’s words in my conscious mind, I didn’t know if he would heed her wishes.
“Are you going to kill me?”
“God no,” Branford said immediately. “Alexandra, I won't hurt you.”
He sighed, and I watched him run his hand through the strands of his hair, much in the same way I wanted to do myself. He closed his eyes and placed the heel of his hand tight against the skin of his forehead.
“But I've lost any chance I had of gaining your trust,” he said.
Trust. Did he no longer trust me?
“I didn’t mean…I didn’t know…” I started to say, but the tears overflowed yet again, preventing me from speaking clearly. It didn’t matter what I said to him—he didn’t trust me. He was not going to listen to my word over that of two noblewomen. Branford’s hand reached for my arm, but I cringed away from him.
“Hush, Alexandra,” Branford said in his soft, calming voice. “Please don’t talk of it just yet. I must speak to you first if you are willing to hear my words at all.”
“Of course,” I replied. My stomach tightened, and I found myself nearly disgusted by the ingrained responses that flowed so easily from my lips when the words I wished to use were caught in my throat, refusing to come out.
Branford reached out and grasped my hands before I could move away, and then he stood, pulling me from the bed to stand in front of him. I wanted to bring the sheets with me to keep myself covered, but he took them from my clenched hands as I stood. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. I watched him slowly lower himself to the floor, on his knees in front of me. He then opened his eyes and looked up at me. My mouth dropped open, and I stared at him.
“What are you doing?” I asked with a gasp.
“Alexandra,” Branford said, “I don’t deserve the opportunity, but will you please, please hear me out?”
“You shouldn’t…be like that,” I whispered. I tried to pull back on his hands to encourage him to stand again, but he shook his head.
“Please, Alexandra. Will you listen?”
“Of course, Branford.”
Branford took another deep breath.
“I’m sorry, Alexandra,” Branford said. “I’ve acted in a most hideous manner to
ward you this evening for something I know now was not of your doing. I should have known it then, but I let my emotions get the better of me, and my mind did not follow with any proper reasoning. I was angry, and I directed my anger at you, which was not deserved. I’m sorry for what I said and what I did tonight, but there is much more I need to say to you.
“I didn’t think,” Branford continued, stammering somewhat. “I didn’t know…I should have known, but I didn’t think about you…about marriage. I thought only of the concept, not what you would need from me or what I should do for you. I didn’t consider you as a woman…as a person. I only thought of a wife as someone who would bear my children and be in my presence when it seemed necessary.”
He took in a long breath.
“I have never done this before, Alexandra,” Branford said. “And in my ignorance, I have failed you completely. I have failed to protect you, to teach you, or even to let you have the opportunity to teach me. I have barely spoken to you about anything other than…well…other than our nights together. Though it seemed important at the time, I can see now I was quite negligent in matters most paramount.”
“Alexandra, my wife—I don’t know if you can forgive me for my actions against you tonight. I acted without soundness of thought and obviously scared you terribly. I don’t ever wish to frighten you again, and I will spend the rest of my days making it up to you if you will allow me. I do not deserve your forgiveness, but I will ask for it anyway. If you find you…cannot bear to stay with me, I will still care for you. I will not return you to Hadebrand, but I will take you far from here where your life with me would be unknown, and I would make sure you did not suffer in any way. You do not have to remain my wife if you no longer wish to be. You have choices, Alexandra.”
“Choices,” I said softly, considering the strange word and what it was supposed to mean. “No, I don’t think I do.”
“Of course you do, Alexandra.” Branford eyes tightened as he looked at me. “As I said, if you do not wish to stay here as my wife, I will take you somewhere else.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere you like.”
“I have never been anywhere but here and Hadebrand. I would not know anyone, and I would have no idea what to do so far away. It would be worse than…” I stopped, for the words that nearly escaped my mouth would have been very unfortunate. “No, Branford. I don’t believe I have had any choices since you laid eyes on me in the arena.”
For several seconds, Branford looked into my eyes as he seemed to slowly understand what I was saying to him. When I could no longer bear it, I broke his gaze. His hands gripped my fingers slightly.
“You can stay here in the castle, then,” he said softly. “I thought it would be too difficult for you, but if you wish to stay and not be my wife, I will make sure you are…cared for properly.”
“Is that what you want?” I asked, my voice breaking on the last word.
“No, Alexandra,” Branford said as he shook his head. “I want you to be my wife. If you will consent to stay with me, I swear I will do better by you. I can’t promise perfection because I am far from perfect, as you already know, but I swear to do better. I will be a proper husband to you if you will help me understand what that means. I thought I understood before, but I know now I did not.”
“But…what must everyone think of me now?” I whispered.
“They will know who is responsible, Alexandra,” Branford said, his voice once again holding the hard edge of his anger.
“My word over theirs?” I huffed and turned, pulling my hands from his. Branford rose from his kneeling stance, but the movement was slow and uncertain. “No one will believe me.”
“I will,” Branford said quietly. “Will you tell me? Will you tell me what they did to you?”
My mouth dropped open. Speak against nobles? How could I even consider such a thing? But Branford was asking me a direct question, which I could hardly refuse to answer. The consequences would have been equally dire. Was this another “choice” in his eyes? Taking a deep breath, I resolved to do as he asked.
“They said they were here to help me dress,” I told him, feeling all the more foolish. “They said everyone would be dressed the same, and…”
My voice trailed off. I didn’t know what to tell him. The words they said to me? How they wore the same dresses and changed later? Should I tell him about how she referred to him without his title?
“What happened?” Branford prompted.
“They came to the door,” I answered. “I thought it was Ida, but they were there instead.”
“Who, Alexandra? Say their names to me.”
“Lady Kimberly and Lady Nelle,” I finally mumbled. I felt as though I was making the most heinous accusation, and part of me wanted to curl up and protect myself from the coming blow. Commoners did not accuse the court of any misconduct. It would be a death sentence.
“What did you do?”
“I didn't want her in our room,” I said quietly. “I thought you had...been with her. I didn't want her here.”
“Go on,” Branford said, and I did not miss his lack of denial.
“They had this dress…” I said. I paused and sniffed, trying to hold back tears caused by the repulsive frock that I still wore. “Can I please take it off now?”
“Of course, Alexandra.” Branford huffed through his nose. “I’m sorry—I should have thought about that. Please, let me help you.”
Branford led me to the changing area and handed me the nightdress I had worn to bed with him the night before. I changed quickly, leaving the humiliating garment on the floor, not wanting to touch it ever again, not even to hang it up. When I came back from around the screen, Branford was there, looking at me with his brow furrowed. He reached out and took my hand in his before leading me back to the bed and sitting me in the center, under the sheets. He tentatively climbed onto the bed but stayed atop the blankets and sat far enough away to not touch me. I wondered if he did it for my sake or his own.
“Please tell me the rest,” he said.
“Lady Kimberly said…she said I could help them dress, and then they would help me.”
Branford hissed through his teeth.
“Are you telling me they came to my rooms and asked my wife to DRESS THEM?”
Branford’s sudden outburst caused my shoulders to squeeze tightly together, and I had to fight against the urge to cover my head once again. Instead, my fingers gripped the blankets tighter, and I crossed my arms in front of myself as Branford fumed with his tight fists pushed hard into his thighs.
“What else?” He snarled through his teeth.
“I didn’t think it looked right,” I said, my voice barely a whisper. I was sure Branford leaned closer just to be able to hear me, but his eyes were wild, and it was too difficult to look at him. He was truly frightening in his anger even though I was fairly certain it was not directed at me. I had no idea how quickly that could change though. “But they said…she said…she said everyone else had a dress like that…and that she knew you would like it.”
“I don’t understand why Kimberly would do such a thing,” Branford said. I wasn’t sure if he spoke to me or himself. “She’s vindictive, but you’ve not done anything to harm her.”
“She is not angry because you did not marry her?” I asked, thankfully recalling in this moment Sunniva’s words.
“I suppose that may be true, though honestly, I never considered marrying her nor did I ever intend to give her the impression that I would. I grew up with Kimberly and Nelle. We were…close cousins. When we were first adults, but still quite young, we…spent time with each other. It was nothing more.”
“So now she is convenient for you?”
“Whatever do you mean?”
“Well, you did spend the evening and well into the night with her,” I finally blurted out. “Perhaps going to her bed might have given her such an impression!”
“Alexandra!” Branford’s eyes went wide.
&
nbsp; “Are you telling me you were not with her last night? That you haven’t taken her to bed?”
Branford’s eyes darkened, and he looked away.
“I have bedded her,” he finally said softly, sounding contrite. “And I was with her briefly yesterday evening. She expressed some interest in continuing our previous relationship despite my marriage, and I made it quite clear that I had no interest in a relationship with her.”
My mouth dropped open, and I quickly closed it again.
“Where were you?” I finally stammered. “You were gone most of the night.”
“With Camden,” Branford answered immediately. “When I return from a journey, we usually spend the night speaking with each other. He wanted to know more of you. I spent the entire evening telling him about the tournament and how I chose you. We talked of the wedding as well.”
I covered my mouth with my hands. My wide eyes stared at a spot down at the end of the bed without seeing it. He had not been with her but was only speaking with Camden. He had not been unfaithful to me.
“You thought I was with her instead of being here with you.”
I could only nod, ashamed to have made such conjecture about my husband.
“You should have asked me.”
“I feared your answer.”
“You had already made your assumption.” Branford’s voice was harsh but only for a moment. He took a long, deep breath. “I think I understand now. It’s what you said earlier when you told me you heard us talking about replacing Lily. You thought we had been talking of replacing you, and you thought Kimberly was to be your replacement.”
Again, I nodded.
“Tomorrow we’ll go to the marketplace, and I’ll show you exactly what we were talking about.”
“The marketplace?” I repeated. He nodded and raised an eyebrow.
“A lot of things are making more sense to me now,” Branford said. “That’s also why you tried to throw yourself at me when I returned, is it not?”