I returned to our rooms with the baldric and embroidered blanket wrapped in a large leather sack. Branford had not come back, and I decided to go looking for him in the most obvious place—the field near the horse stables, where he was likely either with his horse or his dogs. I tried to ignore the two men who followed me nearly everywhere I went, but it was difficult to become accustomed to their presence.
When I reached the field, the dog pack was near the edge of the woods, sniffing at the trails and chasing squirrels. Romero was nowhere to be seen, so I walked toward the stable.
Branford was inside along with Dunstan and another man dressed as a forester. My husband stood with one hand on his sword and his other hand in his hair, pulling at the tips like he often did when he was upset or concerned.
“Four hundred of them, sire,” Dunstan was saying. “How could they possibly amass such a number in such a short time?”
“It makes no sense,” Branford said, seeming to agree. “Are you sure of the numbers?”
“Positive, sire,” the forester said.
“In that location, it could hardly be anyone else,” Branford said.
I stepped through the doorway, and all three heads turned to me. I felt warmth in my cheeks and wondered if I would continue to blush like a child every time my husband’s eyes met mine.
“Alexandra,” he said. “What brings you here?”
“I was looking for you,” I said and suddenly felt foolish. I looked back to the way I had come, wondering if I should just leave him and return on my own. I decided to at least bring up a practical matter so I didn’t appear to have come out here for no real reason at all. “It is nearly dinnertime.”
Branford glanced back to his companions and then walked to me, taking my hands in his.
“Of course it is,” he said quietly. “Let’s return to the castle and get you fed, my beautiful wife.”
His lips touched the edge of my cheek for only a moment before he took my arm and led me back to the castle. He had our meal brought to our rooms and spoke of the dogs and the horses as we ate. As soon as the meal was finished, he stood to leave.
“I must speak with Camden,” Branford said. “I’ll return shortly.”
“You will be here then?” I asked timidly. “In the night, I mean?”
“Yes, of course.”
“It’s just…you haven’t been.”
He looked at me darkly.
“Do not concern yourself with such things, Alexandra,” he said. “It will only cause you stress.”
I lowered my gaze to the floor and felt my teeth sink into my lip. Branford touched my chin and he tilted my face to look at him. His eyes held such a strange and sad expression. I did not know what to make of it.
“I will return to you,” he said. “I swear it.”
Several hours later, when I had nearly given up, he did return. He took me to our bed and held me tight against him as he lay on top of me, burying himself within me and crying out my name as he filled me. His mouth left soft kisses on my neck, but when he looked up to my face, I could still see the sadness in his eyes.
“Please, Branford,” I begged. “Please tell me.”
He shook his head slowly as he rolled onto his back, taking me with him and cradling my head on his chest.
“Tomorrow,” he whispered into the night. “I will tell you tomorrow.”
*****
Romero slowed to a trot as we entered the meadow where Branford and I had spent time before. He had barely spoken on the ride here though he brought me to the stables because he had something to tell me. So far, he had not made conversation, and I did not wish to push him if he was not ready.
After our dismount, Branford removed Romero’s saddle from his back and released him. Romero wandered off to the far side of the meadow near a stand of bright purple clover flowers. Branford took my hand and led me to the center of the meadow, laying Romero’s saddle blanket on the ground before us.
He did not speak as he took my mouth with his or as he pushed my dress from me. His movements were hurried and desperate, which I could only assume was due to the lack of physical attention over the past two days. He had come back to our rooms so late, I was already half-asleep, and he still slept long after I woke in the morning. Since the day we took Amarra to meet the rest of his pack, Branford had only laid a hand on me once—just the night before—and it had been quick.
He made up for it now.
He pushed my dress down and away then cupped my breasts and brought them to his mouth. He kissed, sucked, and licked until I was squirming on the blanket below him. Branford paused only briefly to remove his own clothing before bringing his hands back to my bare skin, determined to run his fingers over every inch of my body.
His touch slowed, and his hands ran from my shoulders to my hips and back again. His mouth followed the trails his fingers made until it found mine, and he kissed me deeply. I felt his hand between my legs, pushing me open for him. His long fingers found me ready for him, and he wasted little time.
Branford circled around the back of my thigh with his fingers, and he brought my leg nearly to his shoulder as he pushed inside of me, connecting us again and making me feel so wonderfully full and wanted. He sighed my name as he entered; his mouth covered my nipples, and as he sucked on them, I reached for his hips, placing my hands on his backside and pulling his body into mine.
“Oh…Alexandra…” He moved his mouth in circles around my breasts and his hand grasped the back of my head. He brought his lips to mine, and his tongue ran over them for a moment before he trailed kisses over my chin and down my neck. He moved expertly within me, choosing the perfect rhythm and alternating the speed and depths of his penetrations.
“Branford!” I cried out as his hips circled, creating pressure exactly where I needed it most, and my body seemed to explode in pleasure. Branford began rocking back and forth faster, his strokes longer and deeper until he growled against the hollow of my throat, held himself deep within me, and called out my name once more.
With his head nestled near my neck, Branford stroked lightly with his fingers over my arms, up to my shoulders, and back over my breasts before resting his hand against my stomach. I gazed at his face and found his eyes closed, his lips moving silently. I had noticed before that Branford prayed every time he took my body though I had never asked for what he might be praying.
He opened his eyes slowly and smiled up at me though his expression was not carefree. He seemed anxious when he was usually his most relaxed after his release. His chest rose as he took a breath, and Branford traced the edge of my jaw with the tip of his finger as his breathing continued to slow. He placed an additional light kiss against my neck before sitting up and beginning to gather our clothing. He said we would need to head back soon, for we needed to speak with Sunniva though he did not give the reason.
“I wanted to be the one to teach you to read,” Branford said suddenly as he pulled his shirt over his head and shoved his arms through the sleeves, “but I fear I will have to turn the task over to a proper tutor.”
I laced up my dress and was about to ask him why he had changed his mind, but he continued before I had the chance.
“We will need to discuss the nobility of the surrounding lands as well,” he told me. “I will need to teach you which areas are truly friendly to Silverhelm and which only pretend to be. I need you to know whom I can truly trust, who can be trusted only to a degree, and who should be avoided—even those within the court here. Thankfully, Amarra is well-trained. I’m going to move her into our rooms tonight if you are still agreeable.”
“Yes, of course.” I did not understand his sudden sense of urgency, but the look in his eyes bade me not argue. He reached out and gently traced the side of my face. His eyes narrowed, and his expression was pained.
“I’m a fool, Alexandra.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because choosing a wife was probably one of the more important decisions I could
have made, and I treated it with such…indifference. Now that you are here, I realize how important my choice was and how I should have gone about it. I have done it all wrong.”
I looked down at my hands. Though I had assumed he probably would not have chosen me if he had realized how inept I truly was when it came to matters of the court, I had not actually heard him voice it. My stomach clenched, and for the first time since our marriage was complete, I began to wonder if this was going to be the end of it—was he going to tell me now that it was all a grave mistake? After everything he had done, I had not thought such a thing possible any longer, but the reality was I was still a commoner, and he was a prince. He had every right to have me removed.
The fear this thought evoked went far beyond my uncertain station.
“I should have thought about all the things you would need to know and understand, yet I didn’t. I had but one goal in mind—refuse to marry Whitney, embarrass her, and anger her father. It was only a small step in my plan, but I should have thought it through so much more. Sunniva is right—how can I lead my people if I will take such an important decision and use it to further my own goals?”
I felt hot tears stinging my eyes and tried to blink them away lest he see me wipe them with my hand. I was not going to be good enough. I had no idea how to be his wife, let alone the queen of an entire kingdom. Even if Queen Sunniva were to help me, how would I ever learn everything I needed to know? Branford, who was destined to be a king, admitted to making mistakes. How could I possibly be what he needed? How could I ever be good enough to be the Queen of Silverhelm?
“I will try harder, my...Branford,” I whispered. “I swear I will. I—”
“Alexandra—no!” Branford rose up on his knees and grabbed my hands in his. “These are not your failings, my wife—they are mine! I can only assume it was God’s intervention that has saved me. That can be the only reason my plan has somehow delivered you to me. I just have to stop assuming and start actually thinking. There is so much I need to teach you—so much you need to know. My focus has been on the one aspect of our marriage I do understand, and there are so many more lessons you must learn—not for my sake, but for your own—to keep you safe and to prepare you for what is to come. Alexandra, please…please do not believe this is a reflection of you. You are perfect for me.”
“Perfect?” There was doubt evident in my voice. I listened to the sound of the word in my head and wondered if I may have heard him wrong. If I knew so little, how could I be perfect as his wife?
“Yes, perfect,” he repeated. He pulled at my hand until I was sitting in his lap. Though not in our chair, I still felt my body relax into him. “Do you not see, Alexandra? You are like most of the people in my kingdom, and I am just now beginning to understand how little I know of them. I need you to teach me, too.”
“But what can I teach you?”
“You can teach me what my people need,” Branford said. He took my face in his hands, and his dark jade eyes blazed at me. “I have always thought myself a just ruler, but then you began telling me all these stories from your life, and I realized there must be people here, in my own castle who have lived lives not dissimilar to yours. Alexandra, I’ve never even considered what their lives are like. It has never crossed my mind. Every time you speak of something done to you or to those you knew, I am shocked, and I am angered. My first thoughts faulted Edgar because he cares not for his people, but I myself have given servant girls to knights after winning tournaments, and I have no idea what happened to them afterwards.”
He took a long breath and tightened his grip on me.
“Had it not been for your intervention, I would have killed Thomas the day we arrived,” he said. “If I had killed him, I would have lost you and never even known it was truly my own fault. You stopped me from making what would have been the gravest mistake of my life.”
I felt another tear in my eye though it was not for the same reason.
“I need you, Alexandra,” Branford said. He turned my face to his and pressed his lips against the corner of my eye, slowly kissing the tears from my face. “I need you to show me where I am wrong.”
“Your word is law,” I whispered. “How can you ever be wrong?”
“You will be my voice of reason someday,” Branford said, “when you are ready for it. I need you to be exactly who you are. I need you to help me help my people—especially now.”
“Why now?”
I watched as Branford’s chest expanded with his deep breath. He let it out slowly while his eyes stared at the ground.
“I will be leaving tomorrow,” Branford finally said with his eyes still downcast. I felt my chest tighten.
“Leaving?”
“Parnell is riding here tonight, and Ida will stay in Castle Silverhelm until we return.”
“Where are you going?” I asked though I knew the answer already.
“To war.”
And that was when I first began to feel like there was a hole in my chest.
Chapter 23—Dolefully Struggle
“War?” The word came out of my mouth in barely a whisper.
Branford nodded his head once.
“With Hadebrand?”
He nodded again.
“King Edgar has amassed an army.” As Branford confirmed my fears, I remembered the words of the forester from days ago. “Those that attacked us were not robbers but men from Hadebrand, hoping to ambush me on my way back from Sawyer. If we had paused much longer, they would have had many more men waiting to claim my life and likely yours as well. They sit near our borders now, barely a day’s ride from here. Their intent is clear.”
I was completely unable to respond. Since the day we were wed, I knew this was what he wanted—what he had planned to do since long before he brought me back here as his wife—but his words were unexpected, nonetheless. I knew though—I knew something was wrong since the day we picked up Amarra from William and took her to meet the rest of Branford’s dogs. Since that day, he had been distant and often completely absent.
We rode back to the castle in near silence, speaking only of mundane things and not broaching the subject of Branford’s impending departure. He gripped me tightly against his chest, and he kissed the top of my head over and over again.
When we returned to our rooms in the evening, my eyes fell upon the leather-wrapped package I had planned to save for the celebration of Branford’s birth. I felt pressure behind my eyes as I reached for the gift and picked it up slowly.
“My…Branford?”
Branford broke into a smile for the first time since we had left the meadow.
“Yes, my Alexandra?” He cocked his head to one side and graced me with his half smile. I felt my cheeks redden. If we were married for fifty years, I would never get used to that particular expression.
“May I…may I give you something?”
“I can think of something I would like to get from you,” he said darkly. I turned to find his eyes moving slowly down my body and back up again.
“It is not that,” I said as I shyly turned my head back to the bound leather. I unwrapped it, reached in, and brought out the saddle blanket I had made. “I…um…this was some of the cloth you bought for me. It is actually for Romero, I suppose.
I decided to just hand it to him before I lost my nerve altogether. Branford took the bundle of cloth from me and examined it.
“I have been learning to embroider,” I explained, abruptly feeling foolish.
“You embroidered the Sterling coat of arms?”
“Yes,” I replied. “It does not look as good as the queen’s work, but I am getting better.”
“You have done a fine job,” he said. He opened up the cloth and examined the whole piece. “It is a saddle blanket, yes? The embroidery will rest right near Romero’s left shoulder.”
“Yes, it will.” I smiled, glad it was obvious.
Branford’s gaze met mine, and he leaned forward to kiss me lightly on my lips.
“Thank you, my wife.”
“I have one more thing for you,” I said quietly. I wasn’t sure why I felt nervous giving a gift to him directly even though he had accepted the one for Romero gracefully enough.
“What do you have?” Branford’s half smile appeared, making his eyes twinkle with playfulness. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I realized he might think I was offering something else. I blushed readily, and he laughed. “Go on—tell me.”
“It is just a little thing,” I said with a shrug as I brought out the green silk and held it to him. Branford took it in his hands, turning it over and over.
“Is it a scarf?” he asked.
“Not exactly,” I said. “You are to wear it round your neck, though. It is supposed to be worn under your armor to bring you luck.”
“Luck?”
“And keep you safe,” I added softly. “Sunniva told me if I made you something to wear near your heart, it would bring you luck.”
“It is like a baldric, then?” he asked as he raised his arms and positioned the cloth over one shoulder and across his heart. I nodded, glad he understood. “You made this for me?”
“Yes.” I stepped from one foot to the other, and my voice dropped in volume. “When you wear it, the embroidery goes, um, it goes over your heart.”
“I will wear it with the utmost pride,” he said as he adjusted it until the embroidery was in just the right place. He reached out and touched the edge of my jaw, turning my face to look at him.
“I was going to save it for your birth celebration,” I said quietly. I tried to hold in the tears I could feel in my eyes. I wanted to be strong for him. I didn’t want him to see me upset. “Perhaps it will keep you safe in the days to come.”
“Thank you,” he said quietly, his eyes intense. He looked at me for a long moment before he lowered his gaze, took a deep breath, and looked at me again. “Alexandra, I know we have not been in each other’s company for so very long, but…”
He paused a moment and smiled broadly, his fingers still tracing my cheek. His eyes fluttered closed for a moment, and he took a deep breath before he spoke again.