Dollop stood at the reception desk at the end of the corridor he had spent most of yesterday waiting in. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, social awkwardness threatening to send him to the toilet for the fourth time in two hours. He just wanted to get started, but the receptionist made him wait for no discernible reason. She revelled in a visitor's discomfort and would intentionally tease people towards crippling embarrassment. Seeing the beads of sweat forming on Dollop’s forehead she relented and ceased pretending to be checking her computer. She turned to the beast.
“Name?”
“Erm….Dollop.” The henchman was caught off guard.
“Are you expected?” She typed the monster's name into a screen that requested it.
“Yes, yes. I’m due to start work today.” Dollop remained polite. He hoped the mention of working would thaw the receptionist’s personality. It merely induced a superior stare into the distance.
“Bank details and passport photo.” She held out her hand in expectation.
“Yes. Indeed.” Dollop searched his pockets, pulling out a slip of paper and a scrumpled photo. He ironed it flat with his hands before passing it over. “I had to get it done on the way over, but I couldn’t find a booth big enough; hence it looks like that.”
Taking the items robotically she flinched when viewing the photograph, revealing some human emotion remained no matter how far she’d buried it. The picture showed an extreme close up of Dollop’s right eye and the top of his nose pressed forcibly against the lens. She looked back to the screen and typed further, leaving Dollop in silence for a few minutes. Eventually she spoke.
“You’re here to see Insidious Chi?”
“Yes. Yes I am.” He could have told her that, ten minutes ago.
“Take the third door on the left. Thank you.” She returned to an open magazine. The interaction was clearly over.
Dollop cursed the forced social nature of life and headed towards the door. New jobs were always irritating to start with. He wanted to skip the awkward stage and find his place in the social hierarchy of his new work environment. He took a deep breath and stepped through the door that led to the next few months of his life. He instantly began falling.
Tumbling through the darkness Dollop's years of experience stepped in and kept him calm. Before any coherent thoughts had chance to form he landed on a floor and rolled into a defensive stance in the middle of a well lit room. He awaited any movement, poised to attack should it be necessary. A voice came from the edge of the room.
“Gooooooood.” Sid stepped forward, accompanied by a creature of similar stature to Dollop. “I like to keep my employees on their toes. Follow me.” Sid headed for a door on the far wall. Dollop relinquished his pose, making eye contact with the other creature as they followed Sid.
“Sandbag?” An air of familiarity swept across the pair. Sandbag’s bull like skull smiled back at Dollop.
“Dollop! I didn’t see you at the interview.”
“I was here yesterday.” They shook hands and grimaced, a standard henchman greeting.
“I was the day before.” Dollop and Sandbag had worked together on a number of occasions. Between jobs they remained friends, but with minimal contact. Dollop was considerably older than his peer but immediately saw something of his younger self in the henchman. He wished to guide and foster the youthful energy he saw, and help Sandbag to avoid the same pitfalls he’d encountered in the business. Sandbag was not one of life’s natural thinkers, but he enjoyed listening to Dollop’s ponderings even if he didn’t always understand them. Sandbag came from a long family line of henchman. It had been the only viable career path open to him. He respected anybody who had lasted in the industry as long as Dollop, and although youthful exuberance often clouded his judgement he tried to heed the advice Dollop offered.
“I was a bit worried about who I might end up working with. There was quite a few twitchy characters at my interview. Don’t know about yours.” Sandbag began the conversation as Sid wandered off ahead, mumbling and cackling to him-self. He was happy to leave the two henchmen to get reacquainted.
“Same. The impetuous nature of youth is a difficult beast to tame. A few fisticuffs were exchanged while I waited.”
“You still talking funny then, big words and all that?” Sandbag smiled. He’d missed Dollop’s way with language.
“I suppose I am. I didn’t know you were looking for work. I thought you were working with Dothlorian Ganaar on the planet Debris?”
“I was, ‘til Hugo Cortizone turned up. He was passing by and noticed some smoke. Decided to land and investigate. Three slats (decades) in the planning and he comes along and brings it all crashing down in a flit (an hour). When will his meddling end?” Sandbag cursed Hugo’s name, grinding his fist into his palm as he spoke. The trio passed through a door and into a further corridor. Sid continued at the front, lost in his wittering. Dollop and Sandbag adjusted their stride to avoid stepping on their new boss. His two foot step was no match for their ten foot gate. Sandbag continued relaying how he’d ended up there. “I’ve been doing the odd bit of door work and terrorising cities to clear them out for developers since that. This is the first decent job I’ve seen for a while.”
“It’s a sad day when henchmen of your quality are reduced to bread and rent jobs.” Dollop shook his head in empathy.
“That’s how the business has gone. It’s all evil universities and academies these days. At least Sid can see a good old fashioned henchman when he sees one, one that learnt his trade on the job. What are you smiling at?” Sandbag noted Dollop’s smirk.
“Is that a touch of cynicism creeping in with age?”
“If cynicism means truth then yes.”
“Cynicism is the greatest wisdom the masses do not wish to hear.”
“So the truth then?” Sandbag was confused.
“The person saying it usually thinks so.”
Sid’s cackling laughter drifted back to them, interrupting the chatter. He’d either told himself something hilarious or incredibly dastardly. It prompted a question from Sandbag.
“How did you find the interview?” Sandbag asked nervously.
“I’d rather not talk about it. Something wasn’t right in that room. There were thoughts going through my head that I thought were long forgotten.”
“Did any of those thoughts leave you feeling…..” Sandbag paused as he prepared to utter a word banished from the henchman vocabulary. He would never consider saying it to anyone but Dollop. “…..afraid.”
“If it wasn’t you saying that Sandbag you’d be on the floor already for using such language, but I have to admit there was a sensation coursing through my veins that I had little memory of. I believe it may have been………” It was difficult for such a beast to say. “…fear.”
“Do you think it had something to do with…” Sandbag gestured towards Sid.
“I’m not sure, but I do know it probably wouldn’t be best to discuss it now.” Dollop suggested Sid may be listening and that they should change the subject, which he did. “So how did it end with Dothlorian Ganaar?”
“Erm…” Sandbag took a few seconds to interpret Dollop’s signal to change the subject. “Oh, Ganaar. Of course. I remembered what you said about bad guys never knowing when they’re beaten so assess the situation for yourself. Well when I asked him if he wanted me to defend any specific area of his quickly burning palace all I got was insane laughter and declarations of power. I could see it was lost. Hugo arrived as I left the hall. A burning beam blocked any effort I may have made to get back in there, so I left as he started making his own declarations of good.”
Dollop stroked his scar. “Hugo’s got it coming one day.”
“Can’t come soon enough if you ask me. What have you been up to? Haven’t heard your name anywhere recently.”
“I took some time out to see the universe, work on my novel.”
“Still writing that book? Isn’t it about you or something?”<
br /> “One's about a henchman similar to me, done a few kid's books too. I started running out of money though and had to work. Saw this advertised and thought why not. Plus I still need a final chapter to my epic.”
“There’ll never be a final chapter you'll be able to write. You know the way it works: you don't quit the business, it quits you.” Sandbag reiterated the henchman ethos which essentially meant you had to die in a glorious final battle, although nobody ever felt sure the saying got this point across.
“Every story needs a final chapter. My bones aren’t what they used to be. I’d like nothing more than a house beneath a mountain to while away my days writing.”
“Retirement would kill you far quicker than any hero. You’d be back. There’s only one way out of the henchman life and it isn’t peacefully beneath a mountain.”
The two continued down the corridor in silence before Sandbag thought of another question. “Did he tell you how he plans to take over the universe without an army?”
“Not yet. He seems the theatrical type though. I’m sure he’ll reveal the plot in a series of dramatic speeches, each more threatening than the last.”
“Typical bad-guy behaviour then.”
“There’s some more of that cynicism.”
Sid spun suddenly, bringing the conversation to an end and causing the two men to stop in their tracks. He raised his arm and began one of Dollop’s predicted speeches.
“Behind this door lies the beginning of our journey together. If there are any second thoughts about your participation then the time has passed. Anyone who tries to back out now, or at any time before our success is achieved, will wish they hadn’t.” Sid aimed a small gap of his helmet at the pair. A bolt of fear rippled through every molecule of each beast. Their deepest terrors were opened briefly before closing. The shudder was enough to serve as a warning without any lasting damage. “Gooooood. Now follow me.”
The door swung open to reveal a white and perfectly spherical craft at the base of a fifty foot cannon that led through the ceiling. A blood red flicker of writing stated its name: Sinister Intent. Sid presented the ship with a flourish of his palm. “Our transport, gentlemen.”
“Is that one of those bullet ships?” Sandbag spoke without confidence. It was a combination of the craft and Sid’s recent attack.
“The ones that work like a gun being fired, only the passengers sit in the bullet and are shot towards their destination?” Dollop answered with a similar lack of confidence.
“That sums up what I heard about them.” The pair followed Sid nervously as he produced an infra red key from nowhere in particular.
“I don’t like these things.” Sandbag aired his thoughts on the matter.
“I wouldn’t say I was a fan.” Dollop concurred.
Sid pressed the button. The ship responded with a clunk and a morphing of its exterior. A tunnel formed in the shell. Sid turned to assess his companions before pushing another button, the tunnel's circumference doubled. As they reached the door Dollop risked a question.
“May I ask where we’re heading?”
Sid spun dramatically and approached the henchman. “You may ask, but understand I will decide whether to answer or not. I may also decide to have your bones boiled leaving you to exist as a puddle of unsupported skin for the remainder of your days.” Sid stood on his toes to limit the height difference, the extra inch made him all the more intimidating. Once he felt he’d held Dollop’s tension long enough he relented and answered calmly. “We are heading to the planet Ahriman where the Underground Tower of Crizal lies. It is the base from which the universe will fall to its knees. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.” There was no need to laugh, something Sid realised quite quickly. Maybe he should have mentioned he expected his henchmen to laugh along with him. It was too late to introduce the clause now so satisfied him-self with a whispered curse and a promise to take out his frustration on someone unsuspecting later on.
“I’ve never heard of Ahriman.” Sandbag’s query to Dollop was overheard by Sid. The megalomaniac responded.
“I know. Nobody has. That’s why my plan is going to work. Hahahahahahahaha.” He thought he’d give it one last try on the laughter front. It still failed to catch on with his protective duo. He cursed once more as the trio climbed on board and strapped themselves into their seats. Someone was going to be seriously punished. Dollop and Sandbag only hoped it wasn’t them.