Chapter Eight
“I’m sure Noel Hill wasn’t this big last time we climbed it.” Brick protested as he approached the brow of Noel Hill for the second time in three weeks. The concepts had transported themselves ahead and stood in a group, awaiting Hugo.
“You are older than last time. And you have to take in to account our new hero lifestyles. The demands are clearly playing havoc with your fitness levels.” Spiritwind perched at the top. He’d opened a tub of yoghurt in celebration of his own arrival. It contained real chunks of strawberry.
“The only demand I’ve faced is utter disappointment.” Brick mumbled his response before falling flat on his back twenty feet from his bald peer.
The air ruffled, growing into something of a disturbance. Clothes rippled uncontrollably and hair, excluding Brick’s, lost its style. The idle chit chat the concepts had been sharing ceased. They knew the disruption was a spaceship landing, but equally knew it would have to keep its cloaking device firmly on until reaching the ground. Universal law dictated such for any ship visiting a planet below grade-three status. Spiritwind remained focused on his yoghurt, his only reaction being to shield the dairy treat from swirling dust. Brick remained prone, appreciating the cooling breeze.
The air threatened to settle, only to be hijacked by the sound of a well serviced door fulfilling its opening duty. A rectangle of light appeared around twenty feet in the air, a silhouette quickly moving into view, hands on hips, chin pointing at the perfect hero angle: side on and beckoning upwards, as a ramp descended triggering the slow reveal of the rest of the craft. The ship's computer had scanned the area and worked out a few probability equations. It felt confident to a high enough statistical level to reveal itself completely. A black ship on a dark night stood little chance of being spotted and appearing on several local news channels.
The concepts gasped in wonder at the sheen and beauty of what had been unveiled; Spiritwind unveiled a peach yoghurt. The ships seamless glimmer induced awe, hope and wonder, without any sense of intimidation. It gave the impression it had been built from raw sex appeal mined from mountains of courage.
Hugo stepped onto the ramp and proceeded towards the concepts. As his silhouette grew in detail a smile became apparent. He aimed it at Irony, with a wink for good measure. She swooned and fell to the ground. Karma ignored her friends fall and moved closer to the lycra clad hunk. The concepts were consumed by disbelief. As Bobby too strolled down the ramp and onto the hill, unnoticed, Hugo stretched out his hand towards Fate.
“You must be Fate. Read the file. Love what you did.” The handshake was forceful but polite. Fate could only offer a grin in return.
Hugo scanned the hillside whilst maintaining social pleasantries. Every hero liked to make a declaration when landing on a new planet and Hugo was the best declaration maker in the universe. He saw a reasonable spot to unleash his thoughts. “I will return folks, just a little hero admin to sort.” Striding purposefully towards the edge of the hill he noticed a human sitting there. He recognised him instantly.
“You must be the great Spiritwind.” Hugo strode directly at the average sized man, who had been peering over his yoghurt watching events unfold. Spiritwind dunked his spoon in the pot in order to free a hand and accept the greeting. Hugo continued relaying his thoughts. “Good to meet a fellow man of courage. Got to say I like your style. Where’s that partner of yours?” Spiritwind directed Hugo with a glance.
Brick had worked out what was happening with a few cheeky peeks. Remaining flat on his back he raised an arm to be shaken. Hugo made full use of it, sending a jolt of excitement down it and almost lifting Brick off the ground. “Preparing for the battles ahead I see. I like that. Heroics are as much mental as they are physical. I’m just blessed to excel in both facets.” Hugo tensed, staring into the distance. He kept the mood going and sidestepped fifteen feet to the declaration point he’d chosen. Brick rolled onto his stomach and quizzed his friend.
“What was that?”
“That was Hugo Cortizone.”
“He’s an excitable chap; and a massive one too.” Brick was silenced by Hugo’s voice. Normally the ultimate hero's declaration would be a quiet, emotional affair, directed towards him-self, but as there was an audience he felt it a shame not to use them.
“If only the peace I sense here on this hill could be spread throughout the universe. If only life could be played out in the perfect harmony nature intended. If only evil would realise it stood no chance against the overwhelming good that will stand against it until the bitter end. If only.” Hugo clenched his fist and closed his eyes, touching his forehead gently with his knuckles. Karma felt a tear of honour welling up inside. Brick didn’t quite take the same emotion.
“Who’s he talking to, the pleb?” Spiritwind shrugged. Hugo turned and walked back to the concepts. He sensed they were more appreciative of his company than Brick and Spiritwind.
“Sorry about that, guys. Sometimes the emotion of life gets too much for even my enormous brawn and brains.” Hugo was welcomed back into the circle with open mouths of joy. He continued greeting the group. “You must be Fut. I heard you were cool but words could never express the level you’ve achieved. Good man.”
“Is he for real?” Brick clambered to his feet and walked to Spiritwind. The pair watched on, failing to notice Bobby, who stood nearby with his own thoughts. The pleasant hero spoke, alerting the Earthly pair to his presence.
“I sense great beauty in the shadows. I feel pity to have landed whilst the sun sits elsewhere on this vibrant planet.” Bobby wasn’t speaking for any attention, although he duly received it.
“You wait your whole life for somebody to turn up in a spaceship and spout a monologue and then two turn up in a minute. Is there a third we should wait for?”
“I offer sorrow for my interruption. I did not realise you could hear my spoken thoughts.” Bobby apologised. Brick and Spiritwind felt only warmth from the curious man and accepted the friendly heat without words. The silence didn't last.
“I’m guessing with a head that size and the way you’re acting you came off that ship?”
“Yoghurt?” Spiritwind countered Brick’s blunt hello.
“I did indeed appear from that ship, but my time upon it has been brief.” He turned to answer Spiritwind. “My energy levels are fine for the moment, although my thanks are true. Would it be okay to use my amulet to take a look around?” Bobby pointed to a four inch, tubular amulet around his neck. Brick was unsure what Bobby was asking, and why he was asking his permission. He gave it anyway with an open palmed gesture.
Brick and Spiritwind looked closely at the object. A thin tube of glass was protected by a golden sheath, carved with patterns of infinite complexity. Time had left its mark on the metal. An opaque, glass oval sat at each end; a curious glow within shifted colour in a manner almost too subtle to detect. Bobby held the object in wonder, staring as though it was the first time he’d ever seen it.
Lifting his head, Bobby pointed one end of the object towards the town, twisting the other side with his free hand. The action released a perfect, tubular dawn; a beam of crisp daylight flying through the night sky and off to the horizon. Bobby shone the light at various points of the town. Brick and Spiritwind stood behind him, speechless.
“It’s as wonderful as I imagined, maybe even better.” As Bobby twisted the end the circumference increased. Spiritwind snapped out of his awe and offered friendly advice.
“Perhaps we shouldn’t draw attention to this hill tonight.”
“My apologies. Of course.” Bobby switched the light off. “The beauty of your world overtook my common sense.”
“It’s okay. No harm done. Nice torch by the way.” Brick tried to look knowledgeable about torches by standing on his tiptoes and half closing his eyes.
“Torch?” Bobby grinned a sentiment of confusion.
“The thing in your hand.” Brick looked around for support. Suddenly he felt like the one with the ridiculously oversized h
ead. “That is a torch isn’t it?”
“Oh you mean my amulet. I suppose it would appear to be a torch, but it is in fact the first sunbeam I ever grew.” Bobby stared back at the functional jewellery with adoration.
“Have you grown many since?” Spiritwind stepped into the questioning as Brick tried to remember the definition of a torch. As he’d never learnt it, it could take some time.
“Indeed. I’m sure there is a number that could be assigned to such an answer but why try to regulate such natural beauty and purity. Back home I harvest sunbeams. It serves as both my passion and profession.” Bobby smiled, lighting up the darkness that surrounded them.
“Do you always carry that sunbeam?” Brick had given up on the torch definition. He had a new bone, and a free hand to pick it with.
“It hasn’t left my presence since the day I first wore it.”
“And I’m presuming you’re a fellow hero on the way to this gathering thing?”
“My assistance has been requested, and I am not a man to refuse.” Yes didn’t come easy to Bobby.
“Then may I say, for the record, that I believe that sunbeam will save the universe.” Brick folded his arms in a manner suggesting he’d just saved the universe himself.
“You’re saying a sunbeam is going to save the universe?” Spiritwind wanted clarification.
“Yes. And I want it officially recorded that I’ve predicted it well before it happens.”
“Consider it noted.” Spiritwind shook his head and opened a blackberry yoghurt with a facial tut.
“The sunbeam is truly a wonderful thing, and an object of undoubted power, but how can you possibly see it saving the universe when the peril has not been shown to us?” Bobby didn’t follow Brick's logic.
“You can’t have a mission to save the universe that includes a man with a sunbeam permanently round his neck without it being used in the final scene. It defies all narrative logic.”
“Your understanding of the universes workings are far beyond anything I can envisage. I look forward to seeing this narrative logic come to fruition.”
“I wouldn’t bow to his wisdom just yet. Most of his predictions barely achieve seed status.” Spiritwind interjected, before Hugo interjected the interjection. Mr Cortizone’s ego tanks had been filled to the brim with the concept's admiration. He was ready to start the mission.
“Men, the time has come for destiny to reveal her plan for us. We must stride forth as one into battle against all that is dastardly. Fear not, for the life that is lost in the battle for good is another fly in the eye of evil, a fly that will never be removed. It will live on as one more crime they rack up in their hollow pits of sorrow. Join me, and let our quest begin.” Hugo ran off, slapping the high five positioned hands of the concepts as he shot up the ramp. Brick, Spiritwind and Bobby looked at each other in confusion.
“Does he always talk like that?” Brick sought clarification.
“My time in his company has been short, and I am not one for rash judgements, but from what I have seen and heard it is his preferred style of communication.” Bobby walked towards the ramp, waving to the concepts who had lined up next to it; they wondered, as one, who the funny little chap was. Bobby boarded the craft as they craned their necks for one last glance of Hugo.
Brick and Spiritwind approached the line. The concepts turned round, a little embarrassed at their fawning reaction to the embodiment of awesome. Karma was the first to speak to them. Her embarrassment had turned instantly to anger.
“What do you two want, a chufty badge?”
“We just wanted to get past.” Brick didn’t understand why he was in trouble, but equally didn’t want to enrage Karma further.
“So get past.” Karma stepped out of the way. “I guess I should say good luck, even though I know it’s only a ridiculous pseudonym used by my boyfriend to cover his many mistakes.” Karma’s anger transferred seamlessly to Fate.
“I feel compelled to say thank you, but I believe that stems from fear.” Spiritwind followed sheepishly behind as they moved on to Coincidence.
“I only wish I could come along. Don’t forget: coincidence is the greatest weapon in any hero’s armoury. Use it well.” The handshake was warm and reciprocal. Fut took his turn.
“My men. It’s been an honour that will surely grow. The universe treats a man as he treats it, so be cool and prepare to reap.” The infectious head bobbing passed through the trio. They waited next.
“Don’t believe everything your told, and don’t tell everyone what you believe.” The line had become something of a collection of pearls of wisdom, although Brick and Spiritwind paused to question They’s version of advice.
“You know that doesn’t mean anything.” Brick raised his objection.
“Really? Maybe you need to think about it further.” The wandering eyes were meant to induce doubt. They just invited certainty.
“I’m pretty sure I know already.”
“Do you?” An aloof look to the left improved nothing.
“Yes.” Brick was fairly certain. He’d said enough nonsense in his time to know when it was coming back to him.
“Would you be offended if we move along?” Spiritwind offered a more practical solution to the debate.
“Would I?” The pair moved on to Fate, who held two objects in his hand.
“What are these?” Brick took one without ceremony.
“They’re gadgets.” Fate looked very pleased with himself.
“It’s a digital watch.” Brick didn’t share the excitement.
“Not just a digital watch. It’s got a calculator built into it.” Fate tried They’s wandering eyes technique. It just made him dizzy.
“I like it.” Spiritwind declared his support for the offering while strapping it to his wrist.
“We’re off on a mission to save the universe and the best gadget we get is a watch from the 80’s?” Brick equally attached it to his wrist, with added complaints.
“Every secret in the universe can be explained through mathematics. I’m giving you the key to mathematics in a portable format.” Fate refused to look anything but pleased.
“Chieftains Desire is ready to go. Can the same be said for my crew?” Hugo appeared at the door once more. He’d grown impatient waiting for the duo.
“Now that we’re fully equipped you try and stop us.” Brick and Spiritwind waved a goodbye to the still unconscious Irony before walking up the ramp, waving to the rest as they went. Hugo offered one final salute and disappeared. Brick and Spiritwind stopped to offer their own version of a salute before Hugo’s arm appeared around the frame and pulled the two inside.
The ramp retracted in time to the door closing, the rest of the craft slowly overtaken by invisibility. Once fully cloaked a wisp of wind shot around the hill, accompanied by the whoosh of the ship leaving the Earth. The breeze was enough to stir Irony back to consciousness. She stood groggily, with the aid of Karma. Coincidence approached his brother.
“Do you think they’ll be alright?”
“Probably. They seem like the kind of guys that are always alright.”
“Fair point.”
“What did I miss?” Irony held her head as Fate offered further stability in the shape of a supporting arm. Fate answered in poetic mood.
“Just the beginning of another adventure, let’s hope we hear of its successful conclusion.” Fate looked wistfully into the sky as the trio hobbled towards town. Irony left a pause before interrupting his gaze.
“That’s very poetic Fate but what did I really miss?”
“You had to ruin it didn’t you; that was a beautiful moment, a perfect end to another chapter of Brick and Spiritwind’s adventure, and now look….”
“Well excuse me for passing out at the sight of a real man….” The pair continued bickering. Karma watched on, amused. She had memories to treasure, but Brick and Spiritwind were about to open a whole new chest to be filled.
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