“I’ve killed someone, too.”
Fierce black eyes meet with mine. “You need to forget that ever happened.”
“You want me to forget when you won’t allow yourself to forget?”
“It’s different.”
“How?”
“Because I fucking deserve to remember everything. You don’t.”
“Bullshit!” I snap. “This is bullshit! You’re leaving me here, and I’m just supposed to accept that? Fuck you, Kas.”
“Daisy…” He takes a step toward me. “You know I’m right. If I stay here, you won’t get Jesse back. They’ll use me as a reason to keep him from you—”
“No, they won’t. Anne said—”
“Daisy,” he reasons. Taking my face in his hands, he forces my eyes up to his. Tears are filling them. “I don’t want to be—I can’t be the reason you don’t get Jesse back. You’d resent me. End up hating me. I couldn’t bear it if that happened.”
He’s right. I know he’s right. Just the selfish part of me doesn’t want to let him go.
The selfish part of me wants it all.
Wants him and Jesse.
But I know, in the real world, the two things just don’t go together.
Jesse has to come first. He will always come first.
Turning, I step away from Kas.
“Your name is clear,” he says from behind me. “You can do anything. Go anywhere. Make a better life for yourself and Jesse. You don’t need a screwed up fuck like me holding you back.”
I spin around, ready to argue, but he holds a hand up, stopping me.
“And I need time, Daisy.” His eyes hold mine, a thousand emotions running through them. None of them are good. “I need to find out who I am.” His words cut me down. “I’ve spent the last seven years of my life chasing revenge, being obsessed with it…and, now…” He blows out a breath, looking lost. “I need time,” he whispers.
He’s leaving. He’s really leaving.
I want to curl up into a ball on the floor and cry.
But I don’t.
I do what I always do. I hold steady. “Where will you go?” I ask quietly.
“Greece. If you still need the job at the estate, I’m hiring someone to run it—”
I shake my head.
I couldn’t go there every day and see that place. See the bed where he once made love to me…
“If you need money,” he says.
“I’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, I know you will be.”
I lift my eyes to him to see a sad smile touching his lips.
And I don’t look away. I keep staring at him, soaking in every detail of him, knowing it’s the last time I’m ever going to see him.
And he stares right back at me.
My heart is beating painfully. I’m slowly dying on the inside.
I have to get away from him. I need to stop feeling this way.
But I’m not ready to leave him yet.
Deep down, I know I’ll never be ready.
“So…” I hear myself saying, breaking our quiet.
Kas doesn’t speak. He just walks over to me. And, when he reaches me, he takes my face in his hands. His eyes roam my features, like he’s drinking me in.
My mouth is dry. There are hot tears behind my eyes, and my throat feels like it’s about to crack.
“Daisy…” he whispers my name. He slowly brings his mouth to mine, only closing his eyes when our lips meet.
He softly kisses me, tasting me, letting his tongue slide along mine.
Tears fill my eyes as I memorize the feel of him against me, the way he kisses me.
Then, he deepens the kiss, clutching me to him. And I match him stroke for stroke.
“I love you,” he breathes against my lips. “That will never change, no matter where I am.”
I love you, too.
Don’t leave me, please.
The words are on the tip of my tongue.
But I never say them.
I have to let him go. For his sake. For Jesse’s. And for mine.
“Will I ever see you again?” I breathe through the agony.
He tugs me into his arms and hugs me tight. “Thank you,” he whispers, answering my question without actually saying the words. “You brought me back to life, Daisy, and for that, I will never be able to repay you.”
I’m never going to see him again.
My heart splinters in two.
He removes his arms from around me, leaving me cold. He stares down at me and gives me a sad smile. “Good-bye, Daisy Smith.”
I swallow past my tears. “Good-bye, Kastor Matis,” I whisper.
He touches my cheek with his hand one last time, and then he turns and walks out of my apartment and out of my life, taking a piece of my broken heart with him.
Epilogue
Three and a Half Years Later
Seeing the last customer out, bidding them good-bye, I shut the door and turn the sign over to read, Closed. Walking back around the counter, I drop my tired butt down onto a stool.
It’s been a long day.
A hard day.
Jesse’s starting university.
I drove him there this morning, so he could get settled in the dorm.
So, we’d packed my car up with his stuff, and I’d tried not to cry the whole time.
Yep, I have a car. I learned how to drive a few years ago. So much easier having a car, and I’m going to need it with Jesse being in Birmingham.
I was so proud of him when he got accepted. I might have wanted him to stay in London, but he’d loved Birmingham when we visited earlier in the year, and they have a really good law school.
Yep, that’s right. My boy wants to be a lawyer.
When he told me what he wanted to be, I won’t deny that I was surprised. He’d never shown an interest in the law before.
And the law hadn’t exactly been a friend to me over the years.
But whatever he wanted to do, I would be happy with it. I’d support him.
Then, he told me why he wanted to be a lawyer.
He said that the law had failed me in so many ways. My lawyer had failed me. He said there were too many shit lawyers out there, and he wanted to be one of the good ones. He wants to make a difference. Make sure that what happened to me doesn’t happen to anyone else.
I got a little choked up at that.
Okay, I might have cried.
I’m a weepy bitch nowadays.
So, I got my boy settled in his room and helped him unpack his things. Then, I left him to get to know his roommates.
I might have cried a little bit then too.
Okay, I held on to him for ages and sobbed before managing to pry myself away from him.
Once I got in my car, it took me a good fifteen minutes to be able to drive, as my eyes were blurry from all the crying.
But my boy has grown up. He’s a man now.
And I’m…alone.
Well, I have Cece. But it’s not the same.
So, with my bird having flown from the nest, I drove back to London and came back to work. I was supposed to have the day off, but I didn’t want to go home to an empty house. So, I came in and helped out Jasmine, one of my part-time employees.
That’s right. I have employees. I am the proud owner of a little chic coffee shop called Thessa’s.
And, yes, I named it after the place where Kas is from. Well, he’s from Thessaloníki, but it’s not exactly easy to say, so I went with Thessa’s, and I think it has a nice ring to it.
After my name was cleared, Cece encouraged me to pursue compensation for wrongful imprisonment.
I wasn’t sure. I didn’t care about the money. I was just glad to be free of the blame. To have that black mark taken from my name and to be able to apply for jobs without having to tick that box was amazing in itself.
But then Cece pointed out that I could put whatever money I got toward Jesse’s future.
So, I got a lawyer, and she pursued a
case for wrongful imprisonment.
My case was won, and I nearly fell off my chair when my lawyer sat me down and told me what I would be getting.
It was enough to set Jesse and me up for the future.
The first thing I did was put a deposit down on a house. Cece and I couldn’t bear to live in the apartment anymore, and I would never want Jesse living there. There were just too many bad memories in that place.
It wasn’t our home anymore. Damien had taken that from us.
So, we moved our things out of there and started afresh in our new home.
And then, a month later, Jesse moved in permanently with us.
It was the best moment of my life.
I had applied for full guardianship, and after jumping through hoops, it was granted.
I remember the first day he moved back home. Just being there with him, seeing how happy he was, made all the bad stuff that I’d had to go through to get to that point worth it.
I wasn’t going to look back and wish that things had been different. I could look back and be angry all I wanted, but it wasn’t going to change the past.
I had Jesse with me now, and that was all that mattered.
But I was still unemployed. Jesse was at school, and Cece was working. I felt lost. I spent a lot of those days wallowing and missing Kas, wondering how he was doing.
I’d never been a wallower, and I was starting to drive myself crazy.
One day, when I was out for my morning run, things changed for me. As I was running through the town center, I happened to see a For Sale sign in the window of a cute little coffee shop.
Before I knew it, I was stopping, peering in through the window, and then putting the number for the estate agent in my phone. I headed back home and called the estate agent, asking for the price of the place. I also found out they were selling the shop along with the equipment.
It wasn’t as expensive as I had expected. Don’t get me wrong; it was a lot of money, but it was affordable for me.
I asked if I could view it. The estate agent told me she had a free spot that day.
So, I got showered and changed, and I headed back to the coffee shop where the agent was waiting outside for me.
The minute she let me inside, I just knew. It was meant to be mine. It was perfect. I loved everything about it.
I asked her why the owner was selling and selling so reasonably. She just said they had to leave the country unexpectedly due to a sick relative, and they wouldn’t be coming back for some time.
As awful as it sounds, their bad fortune became my good fortune.
So, I told the agent I would think about it. But my mind was already made up.
It would cut into the money, but it would give me a good income to help with Jesse’s future. And there would still be a decent chunk to get him started in whatever he decided to do when he left school.
I put an offer in on the coffee shop the next day. Lower than the actual asking price.
It was accepted an hour later.
I couldn’t stop smiling. And I couldn’t help but think that Kas would have been proud of me.
He was the first person I wanted to call. But, of course, I couldn’t because I didn’t know where he was, and I no longer had his phone number.
After he’d left, I’d deleted it, knowing that I would probably break down and call him. And I couldn’t do that.
So, I had no way to contact him.
And then I realized that I also knew absolutely nothing about running a business.
It wasn’t just about making coffee—even though I do make an awesome cup of coffee. This was running a business. It was huge.
And I thought I would probably fuck it up.
I started to panic, thinking I’d made a mistake, before rationality decided to make an appearance.
Look at everything I’d done…overcome. I could run a fucking coffee shop.
I could do it.
So, I got Cece’s laptop out and went searching for business management courses. I found one at my local college. The classes were at night, so it was perfect.
I enrolled and was accepted.
Then, I focused on making the shop mine. I gave the place a lick of paint and put my own stamp on it, and then I renamed the coffee shop to Thessa’s. It felt right to call it that. It was because of Kas that my name was cleared. He was the reason I could afford the place.
And I just wanted something of his, some connection to him, to remind myself that he was real. Because, sometimes, it felt almost unreal. Like Kas had never actually existed. Like he’d never really been mine.
But he had.
I’d had him for a brief moment in time, and then I’d had to let him go.
Kas was never meant to be mine forever, and I had to come to terms with that.
And I did.
Kind of.
But then Thessa’s was open, and I actually had customers. I was busy, and I got on with life.
After I had Thessa’s for six months, I decided to enroll in a baking course. I had a place where I ordered cakes and muffins from for the shop, but I wanted to learn to make my own.
Growing up, I’d always been able to make a mean birthday cake for Jesse, so I reckoned I could do it.
Turned out, I was right. I excelled in baking. And I now make cakes for the shop as well as still buying in. It keeps me busy, but that’s the way I prefer it.
It doesn’t leave a lot of time for anything else…like dating. Not that I’m actually interested in dating even though Cece nags me about it on a regular basis.
She’s back in the dating game; she has been for a while. She’s been seeing this guy called Pierre for a couple of months now. He’s an out-of-work actor.
He’s cute.
He’s just kind of…pretentious.
But I think she could do better.
Cece likes him though, and she says he treats her good. That’s all that matters to me. She deserves to be happy.
So, I’m nice to the guy whenever he’s around.
But, because she’s happy, she’s been trying to set me up with guys. The latest was one of Pierre’s poncy friends called Gerard. Another out-of-work actor.
I told her what I always tell her, “I’m not interested. I’m too busy with work and Jesse.” And blah, blah, blah.
But she’s not stupid. She knows that I’m not over Kas. That I’ve never gotten over Kas.
I mean, you’d think I would have gotten over him by now. It has been three and a half years.
But, as I’ve learned, you don’t get over a man like Kastor Matis. You just learn to live without him.
So, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that this is the way it is. Spinsterhood for Daisy, and I’m totally fine with it.
My life isn’t lacking. I have a good life. I have Jesse.
Even though he just left me for university.
I’m not going to cry again.
I have the coffee shop to keep me busy.
My life is as good as it’s going to be. And I’m okay with that.
When I look at the way my life was…and how it could’ve turned out…this life is a dream compared to that.
Of course I get lonely. Especially at night when I look at that empty space in my bed where I wish Kas were lying.
But he’s gone.
He’s been gone a long time, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.
It’s just sometimes hard, knowing that he’s out there, living his life without me.
I wonder if he’s happy.
I hope he’s happy. He deserves to be.
I just wish we could have been happy together.
My phone rings on the counter. I smile at the caller display.
“Missing me already?”
Jesse’s laugh echoes down the line. “Just checking to make sure you’re not still bawling your eyes out.”
“I did not bawl.”
“There was snot on my T-shirt from where you’d blubbered on me.”
/> “Oh God.” I wince. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m just teasing. It’s nice to know you’re gonna miss me. I just hate to see you cry and know I’m the reason for it.”
“They were happy tears and sad tears and proud tears. I’m gonna miss you so much, but I’m incredibly proud of you, Jesse, for getting into university. You’re going to get your degree and become a lawyer. God, I cannot wait until the day I see you in your cap and gown, up on that stage, receiving your degree.”
“I haven’t even started my courses yet”—he laughs—“and you’ve already got me graduated.”
“Yeah, well, I just know you’re gonna rock it.”
There’s silence on the line that has me asking, “Are…you okay?”
He sighs. “Yeah. It’s just…I guess it’s weird, being here. In a new place. You know, where I just have a bedroom, and the rest is shared facilities with the other guys. It kinda reminds me of the boys home. The first night I spent there after you were arrested.”
My throat closes up. “Jesse…”
“I’m not blaming you, Daisy. Jesus, of course I’m not. I hate the fact that I ever doubted you and blamed you. Just sitting here brought back some sad memories for me, and…I guess…I wanted to hear your voice. Just remind myself that we’re here now, and it’s different. That things are good. And you’re fine.”
I swallow back tears. “We’re here, and it is different. It’s amazing. I’m fine, kiddo. And I couldn’t be prouder of you.”
I feel his smile.
“You already said that.”
I smile myself. “And I’m gonna keep saying it, so you’d better get used to it.”
I hear a voice in the background, and Jesse says, “Be there in a minute.”
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, just the guys I live with are going to the pub. They’ve invited me to go with them.”
“Go. Don’t let me keep you. And have fun. And don’t drink too much. And be safe. And I love you.”
He laughs, and the sound washes through me like a sweet melody.
“I will. And I won’t. And of course I will. And…I love you, too, Mayday.”
He disconnects the call, and I breathe through the emotion.
Don’t cry. You’ve cried enough today.