Merry smiled at Jessi. She rarely, if ever, brought up Ethan to her, but it seemed like the right time to do so. There were memories she didn’t want to forget, and if she didn’t talk about them or record them somehow, she would.
Jessi sat down at the table with her tea, and Aunt Merry poured herself a glass and after peeking in on Olivia, who was still outside, sat down with her.
“I still miss him, Aunt Merry. But I feel like I’m starting to move on with my life. Not just for my sake, mainly for Olivia’s. She needs a mother.”
“I’m thinking this is a good thing, Jess. You’ve given yourself more than enough time to mourn. He wouldn’t want you to only remember the bad. He was too happy of a child for that. I remember he always wanted you to be happy. He hated to see you cry, and he’d try to make it all better.”
Jessi smiled at the memories. “Yeah, he would stand in front of me and use his little chubby fingers to wipe the tears off my cheeks. Then he would ask where my boo-boo was and if he could kiss it and make it all better. He was so tenderhearted.”
“Unlike some kids, he was always mindful of others and their feelings. You did a good job with him, Jessi. Just like you are doing with Olivia. You have a lot to be proud of.”
“Thank you, Aunt Merry; that means a lot coming from you. It’s been hard. I’ve raised Olivia as a single parent, and I was very close to being a single parent with Ethan. I always tried to make the decision that would be best for them, no matter how hard or painful it was. I’ve never understood how some people can be so selfish with their lives when it comes to their children. I mean, why do they have kids if they don’t intend on doing their best by them?”
“Well, I’m glad your mom chose to have you. Even though she was a selfish person and didn’t give you the time and energy that she should have, I wouldn’t have you in my life if she hadn’t had you. Maybe the fact that she did have you was the one unselfish thing she’s ever done for you. Have you ever thought of it that way? It’s always easy to see the negative. Sometimes it’s not as simple to see things in a positive way.”
“I guess I’ve never thought of that. I suppose if everything she’d done had been selfish, she would have aborted me. Then I wouldn’t even be here.” She didn’t notice the painful look that crossed her aunt’s face.
“I’m just glad that God brought you into my life, Jessi. He has given me the joy of my life, and that was you. You will always be the daughter I could never have. So never, ever think that you were unwanted. You were the most desired child in this world. You gave my life meaning. I’ve always felt that God’s purpose or plan for my life was to be here for you. He loved you so much, and he knew that you would need me, so he made us family and bound us together with love. I love you, Jessi, more than any other earthly thing. I hope you know that.”
“I do. I don’t know what I would have done without you in my life. You were always there for me, even when I first came and was so angry at my parents for not wanting me. I took out all my anger on you, and I’m sorry for that. It didn’t take me long to realize that things were going to be different. You never left me to my own care, and you did things for me that no one else had ever done. Even your simple motherly acts of making cookies for me after school were foreign to me. I’d never had anyone think of me or what I might like first. It was a different concept. I expected you to be like my parents. I never dreamed you would be more like my parent than either one of them would ever be. Thank you. I love you too.”
Olivia came bounding in the door. “Mom, do we have to leave tomorrow? Why can’t we stay? We could stay a little bit longer.”
“No, Olivia, I need to get home and get ready for school. I have a lot of planning to do, and we also have to get you ready for school. You will be going to kindergarten this year, and we have to shop for school clothes and school supplies. We have a lot to do, and if we’re going to get it all done, we have to get home. Now run upstairs and look under your bed to see if you got everything out to be packed. I’m sure there are some things hiding around here that you haven’t found yet. If you don’t look real good, they’ll be left behind, and then you’ll miss them.”
Olivia ran out of the room and up the stairs. They could hear her traipsing around her room opening doors and closing them, looking for items that might be hidden.
Jessi started to head out to finish her own work but turned back to her aunt. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about the journals. I haven’t finished them yet, but I know you probably don’t want me to take them with me. I can finish them next summer when I come down if you’d like.”
Aunt Merry shook her head. “No, you take them. I myself have something to talk with you about. I’ve been waiting all this time for an invitation to come to your house, and frankly, I’m tired of waiting. So I’m inviting myself. I’d like to come for Christmas. It gets to be so long between visits, and I miss the both of you so much that I’ve decided I can come your way once a year, so I get to see you more often. Not only that, but you are the only family I have, and Christmas gets to be so lonely without you.”
“Oh, Aunt Merry, I’m sorry that I haven’t thought of it myself. Of course I want you to come. We miss you too. I don’t know why, but I thought you wouldn’t want to come to our house. It’s a lot smaller than here, but I’m sure we could make you comfortable. This will make leaving tomorrow so much easier on Olivia. She will be so happy. I am too, for that matter. We can have a real family Christmas. Can you stay for a while?”
“I was thinking three to four weeks. Would that be all right, or do you think you would get sick of me for that long?”
“That would be perfect. You will be there while I’m off for Christmas break, so we will have plenty of time together. You might not like the snow. It’ll be pretty cold by that time of year. Do you think you can handle it?”
“I’ll buy myself a nice warm coat and some new boots. You did say you have a fireplace, right?”
Jessi nodded yes.
“Then I’ll be just fine tucked away in your little cozy house spending time with my two favorite people. I’m sure you’ll be done with the journals by then, and I’ll just bring them back home with me. How does that sound?”
Jessi wrapped her arms around the older woman’s neck. “Perfect, just perfect. I can’t wait.”
Jessi went and changed the laundry one more time. One more load, and she was finished with that part of the packing. Tomorrow would be much easier on all of them now. Aunt Merry was coming for Christmas. She would tell Olivia at suppertime.
As she was checking the rolls, Aunt Merry was very pleased with how things were progressing. The hurt conjured up during their conversation was totally unintentional by Jessi, but it didn’t change the pain it brought forth. They would be having a very different kind of talk when she came for Christmas. Jessi would be done with the journals for sure by then, and she would have some explaining to do. She never meant to hurt Jessi with the information she was giving her, but she would definitely feel a letdown and some disappointment in her aunt. But it had to be this way. She had to know that God loved the unworthy and that no one, no matter who they were, was worthy of God’s love on their own.
Everyone continued to work through the afternoon. Jessi left to run some last-minute errands. She also stopped by the cemetery on her way to the store, her last good-bye until next year. She brought flowers and set them by his grave. “Hey, buddy, it’s Mom. Olivia and I are headed home tomorrow, and I just wanted to come and say good-bye. Things are going good. Better than they have in a long while. I’m sure you’d be happy for me. I feel better, Ethan. I’m going to share everything about you with your sister. I’m even going to put out your pictures so she can get to know you too. She doesn’t have any memories, so I will share all mine with her. I love you, Ethan.”
Jessi spent a little more time sitting there reminiscing before she headed to the store to get the things she needed for the trip. Even these visits were getting easier.
/> Back at home, Aunt Merry and down-faced Olivia set the table and got everything ready for supper. “I’m going to miss you, Aunt Merry.”
Jessi walked into the house smelling hot, baked rolls and teriyaki beef with roasted vegetables. It smelled wonderful and made her stomach rumble. She’d not realized how hungry she’d gotten while getting all her work done. Olivia looked so cute she had to laugh. As she walked in the dining room, Olivia, in a pint-size apron, was carrying a bowl of fresh green beans to the table. The sight of it reminded her of her own childhood and the meals that she used to help with. She’d end up with flour in her hair, on her face, and all over her clothes. It was more work to have her help than to have her play on her own, but Aunt Merry insisted she’d rather have her helping. It was no bother. She did have some wonderful memories, things she wouldn’t trade for the world.
“It smells like it’s time to eat. I hope so, ’cause I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.”
Olivia, always the practical one, started laughing. “Mommy, but we’re not having horse for supper. Aunt Merry made a different supper. It looks really good.”
Sniffing again, Jessi commented, “It smells really good too! Is it time to eat?”
Aunt Merry walked into the dining room carrying a large platter with the beef and vegetables. “It sure is. We started putting everything on the table when we heard you pull in. I’m glad you’re hungry, ’cause I’m sending you off with a good meal to hold you over till I come.”
“You won’t hear me arguing. You are the best cook around.”
Everyone took their places at the table, and Aunt Merry asked Olivia to say grace. “Dear God, thank you for all this good food that Aunt Merry and me made. Thank you for my mommy and my daddy, and thank you for letting us be a family again. Jesus’s name, amen.” Olivia looked up and grinned at her mother. Jessi just shook her head.
While Jessi was filling Olivia’s plate, she told her the news. “Guess what, Olivia? Aunt Merry is going to come and spend Christmas with us.”
“Really? Is it true? Oh, Aunt Merry, you’ve never come to visit us before. This is going to be so much fun. If there is snow, do you want to go sledding with me? It’s really fun. We can go really fast down the hill. We can build a snowman too. Have you ever built a snowman before?” Actually giving Merry time to answer, she plopped a bite of beef into her mouth.
“Yes, it’s really true. But I don’t think I would make a very good sledding partner. I can watch you, though. How does that sound?”
Olivia smiled in response.
“As far as the snowman is concerned, we’ll have to see. I’ve never built one before, and I have to admit, it does sound like fun. When I was little we always lived in the south, and I never did get to play in the snow. A few times it would flurry a little bit, but there would never be enough to play in. I think I missed out, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I love playing in the snow. Someday Mom is going to take me skiing. Right, Mom?”
“Yep, that’s what I told her. We’d go skiing together. It may be cold in the north during the winter, but there sure are a lot of fun things to do. You don’t have to go too far outside of the house to make a snowman, and you can take plenty of breaks for hot chocolate, so you might want to take her up on her offer. A well-built snowman is an accomplishment to be proud of, that is for sure.”
Olivia looked hopeful, and Aunt Merry took the bait. “Okay, I’ll make a snowman with you; that is, if your mom has hot chocolate ready for us when we’re done.”
Jessi and Olivia spoke up at the same time. “Deal.” Everyone started laughing. It was a pleasant evening for everyone, and before heading to bed, Jessi tried to talk Olivia into leaving first thing in the morning. “Olivia, you know if we wait to leave after church, then we’re not going to have much time to swim when we get to the hotel. Is that what you really want?”
“Mom, we’ve already talked about this. You said we could leave after church. You promised. I want to say good-bye to my friends, and I like my class. My teacher is having a special class tomorrow because I am leaving. We can’t leave early. We just can’t.”
“Don’t go all dramatic on me. It was just a suggestion. I know what I said. I just wanted to remind you about the swimming thing. So, no complaining if we don’t get there in time to swim, all right?”
Olivia crossed her arms rather stubbornly. “I’d rather go to church.”
Jessi dreaded it because it also meant she had to go, that was if they were to take off right after the service. She’d planned on driving through Sonic and eating on the go since they were getting such a late start, that way Olivia could get her last fix of cherry limeades for the year. “Then to church it is. It’s time for bed. Come on; I’ll read you a story and tuck you in.”
Olivia looked a little sheepishly at her mom. “Mom, do you think it would be okay if Aunt Merry tucked me in tonight. Seeing it’s our last night and all?”
“Oh, sure. Why don’t you head up and brush your teeth and put on your jams, okay?”
Olivia took off for the stairs, smiling all the way. Before Aunt Merry headed up, Jessi went toward the kitchen. “Do you want a cup of tea before we turn in?”
“Yes, that would be nice.”
“I’ll put the tea water on while you are upstairs.”
Aunt Merry entered Olivia’s bedroom just as she was getting into bed. She had one small gift to give her before she left and wanted to do it when they were alone. She took the package from behind her back and handed it to Olivia. She had it wrapped at the gift shop in pretty pink paper with pink ribbons. There were parts of Olivia that were pure tomboy, and other parts that were all girl.
Olivia looked from the package to Aunt Merry. “A present, for me?”
Merry looked at the child with pure adoration and nodded her head.
Olivia tore open the package. Inside was a brand-new children’s Bible with gold edging and a picture of Jesus on the front. She’d seen some of the other children at Sunday school with this type of book and knew it was a Bible. Her teacher had also read stories from this book. She liked it a lot. “Thank you, Aunt Merry. Just think, my very own Bible. When I learn how to read, then I can read it all by myself.”
“That’s right. You can. But until then you’ll have to ask your mommy to read to you.” Merry felt a little guilty for being so sly, but if this was the only way to get that girl to read the Word, then so be it. She’d live with the guilt. “Tonight I will read to you. How does that sound?”
Olivia snuggled deep into the covers. “I’m ready.”
Merry read her the story of “Daniel and the Lions’ Den,” one of her favorite stories from her childhood. She spoke of obedience and explained that God wants us to obey him, even if it means other people won’t like what we do. Then she told her all about how God protects his children and keeps them safe. “No matter what else happens in life, God is always with us. He will never leave us, just like he didn’t leave Daniel and his friends in the lion’s den.”
After tucking Olivia in, Merry turned on the night light and walked toward the door.
“Aunt Merry?”
“Yes?”
“I’m really glad God won’t leave me. Even if bad things happen, like being thrown in the lions’ den, God will be with me. Thank you for reading me that story.”
“You’re welcome, Olivia, and I am glad too. Good night. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Merry turned off the overhead light and went downstairs to drink her tea and spend a little time with Jessi before bed.
“I was beginning to worry about you. I thought you might have fallen asleep as well.”
“No, just spending a little alone time with my great-niece before she ups and leaves me tomorrow. Before I know it she will be all grown up and have a family of her own. Time passes so fast. I just want to cherish each moment I have. You are so blessed; you know that, don’t you? She’s a beautiful little girl, Jessi. She reminds me so much of
you when you were that age.”
Jessi remained quiet and listened to her aunt’s memories.
“Before your mom and dad left you here for good, you loved to come and visit. It wasn’t until after they left you and you felt the pain of being abandoned that you didn’t want to be here. At Olivia’s age, almost six, you relished coming here to visit. You would sit with me, and we would read Bible stories. Do you remember ‘Daniel and the Lion’s Den’?”
Jessi nodded her head yes.
“That’s what we read tonight. I remember when I first read that story to you. You ran around for days pretending to be a roaring lion. Then you would pretend to be a lion that couldn’t open his mouth. You were always so dramatic about everything; Olivia is just like you. She’s going to want to go to church; you know that, don’t you? She has a thirst for knowledge just like you did when you were her age. I hope that you will consider taking her. She needs this from you, Jessi.”
Jessi didn’t want this evening to end on a sour note, but she wasn’t able to make promises she wasn’t sure she could keep. “I’m not sure I can do that, Aunt Merry. I mean, it’s not like God and I are exactly on speaking terms. I’ll think about it, though. I’ll give you that much. It’s all I can offer right now.”
“Then I will have to accept that, now won’t I? Now where is that tea you were making?”
“I turned off the water when you didn’t come down right away. It will only take a minute to heat back up. Do you want some honey in your tea tonight, or sugar?”
Both women enjoyed their tea while talking about school and Aunt Merry’s upcoming visit. It was decided that she would make the flight arrangements and then let Jessi know when she was arriving so she could pick her up. It had been a long time since Merry had been on any kind of trip, and she was really looking forward to it now that the decision had been made. They finished their tea and went to bed—one anticipating morning, and one dreading it.