“The inspector is coming next week. I want to have first dibs on the place since I’m already moved in and getting settled. I wouldn’t want to have to move right away if it turns out to be a great buy and a good house to boot. I guess I’m just waiting to make sure there are no surprises in store for me, like termites or carpenter ants or something like that. If there are no major expenses involved, then I’ll probably put in an offer. I really do like the place. It would be a little big for just me, but with Mark here too it seems to be just perfect. We each have our own space, so we’re not tripping over each other. Things are working out all around.”
“I’m happy for you. I think you’ll like it here. I’ve enjoyed the change in the seasons so much since coming to Wisconsin, and I can’t say I miss the red dirt back in Oklahoma. The ground is so fertile here for gardening. Aunt Merry will love it. She works so hard at maintaining her garden back home. She’s always had to add to the dirt to make it suitable for growing. What plans do you have to keep you busy?”
“I’ve given that some thought as well. I don’t have the friendships here like I did back in Oklahoma, so I’m going to have to find a way to keep busy and make some new friends. There’s an opening at church for a secretarial position. I’ve been thinking about applying for it. It would give me a little extra spending money and keep me from getting bored. I’m not sure if they will consider me since I’m so new to the church, but it’s worth giving it a try. I guess we’ll see. I intend to ask for an application tomorrow when I run into Janesville. Here’s hoping.” She placed the last of the dishes on the table just as Mark and Olivia came in with the platter of burgers.
While they were eating Mark shared his news. “I got a job. I’ll be working with a drywall construction crew that’s based in Milton. The guy I will be working with even volunteered to pick me up until I’m able to drive. I start on Monday, and depending on the week I’ll either work Monday through Friday or Saturday, which means I won’t be missing church. I was so relieved when I got the phone. It seems there’s a shortage of guys who do that kind of work around here. It’ll be hard work, but it will be worth it.” Everyone, including Jessi, seemed genuinely pleased for him. He had been making phone calls and filling out as many applications as possible to try to find work.
They all had birthday cake and ice cream for dessert, and Jessi was embarrassed when they insisted on singing “Happy Birthday” to her. Lastly, she opened her gifts. Julia had bought her some scrapbook supplies, knowing she had nothing for the new hobby she was taking up; Olivia picked out a pretty scarf for her mother when she’d stopped at the store after church the week before. The final gift she opened was from Mark. She wasn’t sure what to expect. He’d never remembered her birthday when they were married. She carefully unwrapped the box. She pulled out the most beautiful music box she’d ever seen. It was in the shape of the two-story Victorian home she’d always dreamed of living in. Tears almost immediately filled her eyes. It was the most incredible gift she’d ever received. She wound up the box, and it played a song she remembered from her childhood, one that conjured up memories of home and family. She hummed along and sang the words as she remembered them.
If life were a song, I’d sing you a melody…hmm… If my heart were your home, I’d keep the fires burning…hmmm…
The song ended, and Jessi wiped the tears from her eyes. “Thank you, Mark. I will treasure this. It’s beautiful.” She wanted to ask him how he remembered, how he knew this song would touch her heart like it did, but it wasn’t the right time or place. She would save that for later and let the tears tell him how much his gift was appreciated.
Olivia fell asleep on the short drive home, and Jessi hated to wake her, so she carried her into her room and changed her into her jammies, as Olivia liked to call them. She tucked her into bed and went to turn out the light. She was almost to the door when Olivia opened her eyes. “Mommy.”
Jessi turned around and walked back to the bed. “I thought you were sleeping.”
“I was. I just wanted to know if we surprised you for your birthday. Did we? Were you happy?”
It had been a long time since Jessi had truly felt loved by another person. Her daughter’s devotion to her was so obvious she was barely able to contain her emotions. “I was very surprised. And you made me very happy. Was this all your idea?”
Olivia yawned. “I asked Aunt Julia and Daddy to help me surprise you. Even Aunt Merry helped us some on the telephone.” Olivia curled up and closed her eyes. “I’m so happy we surprised you, Mommy. I love you so much.”
Jessi tucked her in one more time. “I love you too, sweetheart. Good night.”
This time she made it out the door without any interruptions. She checked her answering machine, and after listening to Aunt Merry’s message, she returned her call. She told her aunt all about the party, even though she already knew the basics of it. When she mentioned her gifts she couldn’t help but tell her about Mark’s gift to her as well. She tried to play down the impact it had on her but didn’t really succeed. After Aunt Merry wished Jessi her own birthday blessings and they hung up, Aunt Merry went to bed happier than she had been in a long time. She had just had her first sign from God that everything was going to work out. She fell asleep whispering her thanks.
Chapter 28
Thanksgiving came in a hurry to Wisconsin, ushering in a blast of cold air. Everyone had been so busy with their lives, they barely saw it coming. Julia hosted and invited Jessi and Olivia, along with a few people she’d met from church. She’d made turkey and stuffing and all the trimmings. Jessi had pitched in with desserts, and Mark had provided all the drinks. It was a leisurely day of eating and watching football. Julia had started working at the church in the beginning of October and had met many super people. She’d met one man who had become of particular interest to her. He brought her a lovely bouquet of fall flowers as his contribution to the meal.
Jessi watched everyone as they enjoyed the day off from work and the regular routines in their lives. Olivia was keeping everyone entertained. She was going to be an angel in the Christmas play at church, and even Jessi had promised to be there to see her. Mark was lounging in the living room with a couple of guys, including the one who couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off Julia, cheering on one of the football teams. Under normal circumstances, she would have been right there enjoying the game too, but she had things on her mind. It was only a month until Christmas, and there was so much to do before then. Aunt Merry was flying in the week before Christmas, and she still had to finish those journals before she came. It just seemed as though with the Thanksgiving play at school and parent-teacher conferences, there was so little time for anything else. She’d been a little reluctant to continue reading them for fear of what she’d find. But she’d told Aunt Merry she would have them ready for her to take back when she returned home from her visit. She had no choice but to finish them.
Jessi went in the kitchen to help clean up and found Julia chatting with a couple ladies from their church.
Julia looked up from the dish she was drying. “Hey, Jessi, we pretty much have everything finished up here with the dishes. I stacked the salad plates on the kitchen table, so if you want to you can start setting out your pies. Laura brought a pecan pie as well, so I’m guessing with all you brought, we are going to have more than enough.”
“Dessert time. The guys have been in there voicing their protest at having to wait until the dishes are done before they get pie. This is bound to make them happy.”
She pulled out the two pumpkin pies, the apple, and the cherry pie she had made and set them on the table next to the pecan pie. They also had a double chocolate cake, banana pudding, and peanut butter cookies to munch on. The coffee was brewed and ready and the milk was on the table. All she needed was the whipped cream and ice cream. “I am so glad Thanksgiving only comes once a year. We have enough food to feed an army. If everyone is ready, I’ll call the guys in.”
The ladies
started laughing but stepped out of the way regardless. Laura chimed in, “We wouldn’t want to be trampled in here, now would we? I mean it’s not like they are starving or anything, but how many times a year do you get pumpkin pie or pecan pie? They’re like little kids.”
Jessi opened the door to the living room. She called out, “Hey, guys, pie’s ready.” Then she stepped aside just in time to see four grown men dive toward the kitchen door to see who could be first in line, like there wouldn’t be enough for all of them. It was a sight to behold.
Chapter 29
Jessi sat by the fireplace with the last of Aunt Merry’s journals. Olivia was tucked into bed, and Jessi had to pick Aunt Merry up from the airport tomorrow afternoon. It was now or never. She had a cup of hot tea and some of the Christmas cookies she had made earlier on a saucer for a snack, and she was all settled in for a good read. She turned to where her marker rested.
Friday, May 28, 1964
I went with Lester tonight, and he told me the most horrifying news. He’s joined the army. I thought he was going to propose and tell me we’d move away to the city like he’s always wanted to do. I can’t stop crying. He told me he still loves me but we’d have to wait to be together. We only have two weeks together before he leaves, and he wants to spend every moment he can with me. It will be a long time before I will see him again, and when he does come home it will only be for a short while. He’ll be away for so long. I will miss him with all my heart. I don’t think I can bear this.
Jessi re-read the words and muttered to herself, “Probably the best thing that could have happened to her. Must have hurt at the time, but if he’d stayed, surely things would have turned out much worse for Aunt Merry.” She continued to read.
Tuesday, June 1, 1964
I spent the day with Lester today. He wasn’t able to spend any time with me this weekend because his family had lots of relatives come to say good-bye to him. He wasn’t able to get away. But today we went walking in the country near his family’s place and we spent time swimming at the lake. I know I made a promise to myself and to God, but how was I to tell him no when he is leaving so soon? Besides, we plan on marrying when he gets out of the army. He told me I’d always be his girl. It can’t be all that bad if we plan on being a family anyway. God will understand that. It’s like we’re a family already. That’s the way Lester said God sees it. He said in the Old Testament people didn’t get married by a preacher. They just gave themselves to each other and then they were married. So I guess, according to Lester, we’re married. Somehow I don’t think Papa and Mama would see it like that if they knew what we were doing. Things will work out, though. I just have to believe that.
Jessi closed her eyes and wished she didn’t have to keep reading. She didn’t like where this was going. And for the life of her she couldn’t understand why her aunt would want her to read this. This wasn’t the kind of stuff you wanted your family to know. This was the stuff closets were made for.
Thursday, June 14, 1964
I waved good-bye to Lester today as he boarded the train. He’s left us for the army. We hardly spent any time together, at least any quality time together. He managed to come and see me long enough to drive to the lookout, but we didn’t do anything together that young lovers are supposed to do before they are separated by lots of miles. I am already lost without him. He promised to write to me. I can always look forward to that. We can keep our relationship going strong through the mail. I can wait for as long as it takes. He will always be my only love.
Sunday, June 27, 1964
I haven’t received one letter from Lester. I’ve written him three times already, and he hasn’t responded to my letters at all. I even called his mother to ask if she has heard from him, and she told me he was doing well. He’s been pretty busy in basic training, but she says he’s doing fine. I was pretty upset that he has had time to write his mother and not me. I don’t quite know how to take that news.
Jessi continued to read, already knowing things were going to turn out badly for her aunt. She felt like crying even before she read the dreadful news.
Wednesday July 20, 1964
I’m pregnant. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who I can talk to. I wrote another letter to Lester, and I still haven’t heard from him. I am hoping with this news he will feel compelled to write me back. This should seal our relationship and remind him of how important I was to him. I became the woman he wanted me to become for him. I feel sick to my stomach all the time and won’t be able to hide my condition from my parents for very long if the sickness doesn’t pass, not that it will give me much time in the long run anyway, as I’ll be showing by the fourth month. I guessed I was pregnant when I didn’t get my period in June, but I knew for sure when I still didn’t get it in July. I’m sure everything will be all right when I get Lester’s letter. He will come home and we’ll be married, and then my parents will forgive me and help me with my baby. I have to believe still that everything will work out. I have to believe it.
There was only one more entry in the journal to read. Jessi pressed on.
Thursday, August 5, 1964
I received a letter from Lester today. I was so excited to hear from him that I tore it open as fast as I could. There was only a short note and some cash. I sobbed when I read the words that he wrote:
Meredith,
Here is some cash and the name of a lady in the city who will take care of it. I’ve listed her name and address at the bottom of the page. Tell her I sent you, and she’ll know what to do. I’ve used her before, and she’ll take care of everything. I’m sure you’re not so naïve to really believe that I would take leave and marry you. As I said, this has happened before, and everything works out fine. So don’t worry; just go see Loretta, and no one will be the wiser.
Lester
P.S. I’m not sure it’s a good idea for you to continue to write me. You are distracting me from my training, and I can’t be letting that happen, now can I?
I am not sure what to do. I don’t know who I can talk to or even what the right thing is anymore. I am so confused and I feel horrible. I don’t want this baby if Lester isn’t going to love me. Why did he do this to me? Why is this happening to me? What should I do?
That was it; that’s where the journals ended. No explanation of what happened or the decisions Aunt Merry had made so long ago were anywhere to be found. The journal was only half filled, and that was the last entry and the last book.
Jessi sobbed for her aunt. How alone she must have felt. The shame of her secret would have been too much for any teenage girl, especially one who was supposed to have been brought up it the church. Jessi cried well into the night, feeling the pain her aunt endured like it was her own. Finally she fell asleep in the chair by the fire, her tea cold and her cookies untouched.
***
The ladies took Merry to the airport in plenty of time to stop for lunch before dropping her off. All six of them in Mabel’s Cadillac was a tight squeeze, but they managed it. Merry was a little nervous about flying for the first time, which was part of the reason she hadn’t insisted on visiting Jessi in Wisconsin before now. “Girls, I’m getting too old for this. At my age the girl should be coming here, not me traipsing all around the country in something that doesn’t stay on the ground.”
Judy took her by the arm and led her into the restaurant. “Honey, if I can fly to California and back two to three times a year, I know you can do this. Why, you are so much braver than me, you’ll have no trouble at all. Just remember that God is in control of everything, dear. Even airplanes have nothing on him.” Feeling that her explanation was adequate enough to calm Merry’s frayed nerves, she changed the subject completely and told Merry all about the new couple who had moved in next door to her. “They’re just the cutest couple. Oh, and they have a little dog. I’m not sure what kind it is. They don’t call them poodles anymore. It has some foreign name and I can’t remember it.”
Since Merry wasn’t f
eeling too well due to her anxiousness of flying, she only ordered a cup of soup with crackers; which she barely touched. All the ladies seemed to be in good spirits and didn’t notice that Merry was still nervous. She’d been given lots of good advice. “Make sure you use the bathroom before boarding the plane” and “Don’t drink too much on the trip, or you’ll have to climb over everybody’s lap to get to the bathroom” were just a couple. They meant well, she knew, but all of them had flown before and had been doing so for years. She was the only one who had been stuck in her safe little world for so long without venturing out of it. It wasn’t just the flying that was causing her stomach to be in knots. She could handle it if that were the only thing that was giving her cause to worry. What she was going to find once she got to Wisconsin was what was truly bothering her, or rather, how she would find Jessi’s attitude toward her. Jessi had called her before bed last night and told her that she was going to finish the journals before heading to bed.
Lord, I know I was following your instructions when you led me to give the child my journals. I sure hope you know what you’re doing. I’m scared I’m about to lose the only daughter I have ever known. Please give me strength to do your will.
Merry looked up as Mabel called her name. “We have to get going if we are going to get you there on time. Are you ready?” She looked at Merry’s untouched cup of soup. She handed her a granola bar. “Here, put this in your purse. You’ll probably need it for later.” She took Merry’s hand and led her to the car. Some of the ladies stopped off into the restroom, so Merry had a moment alone with Mabel.