Merry chose her words wisely. “Jessi, did Ethan love his dad?”
Jessi looked confused. “Yes.”
“Do you think that if Ethan had survived the accident and he was alive today that he would have forgiven his father and loved him anyway?”
“Ethan loved everybody, Aunt Merry; you know that.”
“Yes, you’re right, I do. The point I’m trying to make is I think Ethan would want his mom and his dad together. If he were here today, he’d want both a mom and a dad, and he definitely would want his little sister to have both parents. I think right now he is looking on saying, ‘Look, God, your plan is working. My dad and sister know Jesus now. I’m just waiting for my mom so she can spend eternity with us too.’ Jessi, do you remember what I taught you when you were a little girl? That nothing happens on this earth without God’s approval?”
Jessi remembered the talks she and her aunt had when she was younger, before she had an attitude with the church. “I think so.”
“Then you’ll remember how I told you about God being all powerful and all wise. His power gives him the ability to do anything he wants. That includes making people do what he wants. But in his wisdom, he knows that a person needs to be able to make their own decisions. He tries to warn us of the consequences. Sometimes we choose not to hear, and other times we heed the warning and listen to his voice. In the end, if we choose to love him, he will make something good happen out of the bad. I believe that is what you and Mark are going to see: good things coming from a very bad situation. First, though, you need to find your way back to God. He’s the only way that all of this is going to make any sense. If you open your heart to him, he will not hurt you; that I can promise. He loves you, Jessi, and he wants you to be filled with his love and his joy. I need to ask you something, and I wouldn’t do it unless I thought you were ready. I haven’t pushed you or nagged you about your faith, and I don’t intend to now. I do ask that you start attending church with your daughter. She needs to see you as an example, someone she can look up to. Will you do that for me? Whatever else happens—whether you and Mark end up together or apart, or maybe you meet someone new you want to spend the rest of your life with—you need to get right with God. It’s the most important thing you could ever do. So, will you start going to church with Olivia?”
“I’ve thought about it for a while now. I never told you that I was going to start going to church right before Ethan died. I was going to tell him that. Then the accident happened and I blamed God instead of finding solace in him.” Jessi became thoughtful and then spoke again. “I’m not saying I’m all ready to serve him or anything, but I will start going to church. You are right; Olivia doesn’t need my grudges or bad feelings to be passed on to her as she gets older. I have to at least try. I’m also going to start seeing Mark on a regular basis. We are going to take it slow and see where we end up, but at least it’s a start.”
They finished the evening out with some small talk, plans for Easter, and when Jessi was planning to come for summer this year. After tucking Olivia in, they called it a night and got plenty of the rest for the next day’s travel.
Checking in for a flight out of Chicago was much more hectic than at the little airport in Oklahoma City. It was amazing how large O’Hare was. There were trains and tunnels, moving sidewalks, and musicians playing for money. It was almost like a carnival. After checking her luggage and saying good-bye to Jessi, she had two hours to sit and wait to board her plane. She wasn’t nearly as nervous about flying this time as she was the first. Hopefully it would get easier each time.
At the gate she took out her Bible and began to read. At times she would take a break and watch and pray for a certain person as the Lord directed her to. Mostly, though, she just read and waited.
Time passed quickly, and before she knew it she was buckling into her seat on the plane. This time she was a bit friendlier and talked with the person sitting next to her, and that helped the flight pass quickly. When she stepped off the plane in Oklahoma City and started in the direction of the luggage pickup, she heard them before she was able to see them. Mabel had something to say, and the rest of the group was carrying on like there was no tomorrow. When she came into sight, they all started talking at once and even louder than they were before they saw her. She smiled to herself as much as to them. She was home. She had missed it as much as she missed them. They were almost as much a part of her family as Jessi and Olivia were, the best friends a woman could have. After hugs all around, they led her to the baggage claim and helped her carry everything to Mabel’s Cadillac. This time when they stopped for lunch, she had no problem eating her meal. Mabel caught her eye halfway through the meal and winked at her. Merry replied with a great big bite of the best homemade mushroom soup and a satisfied grin.
Chapter 35
It felt wonderful to be home, and not just because the weather was warmer, although she wasn’t going to complain, that was for sure. Merry walked into her living room and sat down in her favorite chair. She closed her eyes and thanked God for a safe trip and allowing Jessi to be open and willing to listen to what she had to tell her. It was here in this home that she had raised Jessi and loved and cherished her husband, John, until death did them part. After sitting for a few minutes, she got up and walked around her living room looking at the pictures scattered around her room. Her parents’ wedding picture, her in-laws’ picture, along with her and John’s picture, hung together above the piano. She studied her own parents for a moment. “Lord, I know the worry I put them through. I’m going through just that now with my own Jessi. The hours of prayer and petition on my behalf must have been overwhelming at times. It’s comforting to know that I will see them soon and spend eternity with them praising you. I pray that I will have the same level of dedication when it comes to praying for Jessi. I still stand on the promise, Lord, that she will come to you before she leaves this world.”
The pictures on the piano were of Jessi at various stages in her growing-up years, from birth through her college graduation. She had never understood purchasing art for her walls when she could have pictures of her loved ones hanging throughout her house. If she wanted to see beauty, all she had to do was step outside her door. The other open spaces were occupied by pictures of Ethan and Olivia. She carried the scrapbook Jessi gave her for Christmas and added it to the table that held various frames and knickknack types of gifts she’d been given over the years.
Merry went into the kitchen and rinsed her teapot out before putting water on to boil. The house was nice and toasty because Mabel had stopped by and turned the heat up before she’d picked up the others to head to the airport. The wind still had a bite to it, and it gave Merry a case of the chills. It should be getting warmer on a permanent basis here soon, she thought to herself as she made her tea. The house was quiet, something she was going to have to get used to again. She spoke out loud, just to hear the sound of her own voice. “It’s just you and me again, Lord.”
Merry picked up her Bible and read from the book of Psalms, chapter 28.
Chapter 36
Mark put away the containers of Chinese while Jessi tucked Olivia into bed. Their lives had become pretty predictable in the past two months since Merry had gone home. They had gone out to dinner, to see plays, to watch a movie, they hit the museums in Chicago and Milwaukee, you name it, and if Olivia could join them for the activity, they probably did it. Every weekend was busy. Privately, both Jessi and Mark felt as if they were playing catch up, trying to see and do everything they possibly could because they had done absolutely nothing as a couple with Ethan when he was alive. Of the activities and outings that they had gone on, according to Mark, there was none as important as the fact that every Sunday since Aunt Merry left, Jessi had been going to church with them. Mark didn’t know what happened to prompt the change, but he was happy she was going. She didn’t participate much, but she did listen to the message each week and respectfully thank their pastor each week when she shook his
hand. The Word didn’t return void. He would stand on that promise from God’s Word. Everything she was hearing was a seed being planted and taking root. Eventually those seeds would grow into plants, giving fruit. He finished cleaning up and waited for her to come out of Olivia’s room. She returned just as he was stoking the fire. “Ah, and is our girl off to dreamland?”
“Yes, she was so tired from everything we did today that she dropped off before we even finished her Bible story. That’s become the norm lately, especially on weekends when we have been going so much.” Jessi watched Mark, trying to read the look in his eyes. They had become good friends, and she enjoyed spending time with him. They almost felt like a family. To the outside world, they sure looked like they belonged together, especially with Olivia calling them by “mom and dad.” She’d heard people murmur about how nice a couple they made. She wondered if they ever noticed that she and Mark weren’t wearing wedding bands. She looked down at his hand where a ring should be and noticed that he was wearing his old wedding band. How long had that been there? Jessi walked over to Mark and lifted his left hand and questioned him with her eyes.
Mark looked from the ring to Jessi. He had been wondering when she would notice. He’d been wearing if for the past two weeks. “Yes, it’s my wedding ring. I never got rid of it and I, well, I felt like I should be wearing it. In my heart of hearts, Jessi, I know we are meant to be. Through everything—or in spite of everything, I am not sure—but together regardless of it all. I will never love another woman. You are the only one for me.” He lifted her chin until her eyes met his and gently kissed her on the lips. It was a light sweet kiss. Nothing overly passionate, just tender, a kiss that said “I honor and cherish you.” Mark let go of her and walked out the front door to his car.
Jessi watched him pull out of the driveway, her fingers still lingering on her lips. Her emotions were betraying her. Her initial reaction was stunned. After he left she worked up the courage to be angry. but that dissipated almost as quickly as it came. What she ended up with was a longing for the man she had fallen in love with, the one who held her heart in his hand, the one who knew her like no one else ever would. She still loved him, even with their history. She wasn’t sure how or when it happened, but she’d fallen in love with her husband all over again. Jessi went to bed dreaming of a man she’d spent the last six years trying to hate.
Mark drove around a little while before heading home. He hoped he hadn’t overstepped his bounds by kissing her. He wasn’t able to help himself any longer. He’d wanted to do that for so long that when she looked at him with those beautiful eyes questioning him about his ring, he wasn’t able to stop himself. He would begin to win her hand in earnest now.
Monday morning before work, Mark called and ordered thirteen red roses to be delivered to her classroom that afternoon.
The note read:
A single rose for Olivia, the daughter I love with all my heart.
A dozen roses for Jessi, the woman who owns my heart.
I love you both.
Mark
He spent the rest of the day painting and wondering if she’d received his gift yet.
Jessi had just finished her lunch when the deliveryman came with the flowers. She knew who they were from. Who else would send her roses, especially to work? Her eyes glossed over as she read the card. The rest of the day everyone she worked with noticed she was considerably happier. At home she put Olivia’s single rose in a small vase and her own in a larger one. Then she called Mark to thank him. The phone rang a couple of times before he answered the phone. “Hello.” He and Julia didn’t have caller ID.
“Hi, Mark, it’s Jessi. I wanted to call and thank you for the flowers. They are beautiful.”
“You are welcome. I was hoping you would like them.”
“Yes, I do like them. They were the envy of every woman at work today. I was wondering if you would like to come to dinner on Friday night? I know we talked about the three of us going out to dinner, but I thought I would make something here instead. Would that be okay with you?”
“Well, sure, but will Olivia be disappointed? I told her she got to pick where we eat this time, and I’m fairly sure we were going to that pizza and game restaurant.”
“No, I don’t think she will be upset. She’s spending the night with a friend on Friday night, so it will just be us. I think it’s time we talk. Things seem to be changing between us so fast, and I want us both to be on the same page regarding our relationship. I’ve done nothing but think since Sunday night. I need to share some things with you.”
“What time do you want me to come?”
“Say six?”
“I’ll be there.”
“See ya Friday.”
“See ya Friday.”
Mark hung up the phone wondering where this was going to lead. “Lord, I hope I didn’t mess things up with that kiss.”
***
Each day seemed to crawl for Mark. He might not be so antsy about having dinner with her alone if she hadn’t told him she wanted to talk with him. Now he spent each day wondering and worrying about what she wanted to say. On Friday he stopped on the way to her house and bought a pie. He couldn’t think of anything else, and he didn’t want to show up empty-handed.
***
Jessi watched Mark get out of the car with something in his hands. He looked horrible, like he hadn’t slept all week, the cause of which was probably her fault. She should have told him that what she wanted to say wasn’t bad. As a matter of fact, she guessed he would think it was very good news. Jessi held the door open for him as he climbed the front porch to the door.
“I brought pie.” He handed her the box that held the peach pie and walked in the front door and kicked off his wet shoes. After hanging up his coat, he followed Jessi into the kitchen, where she had the table set and some wonderful smells coming from the oven. “What are you making? It smells delicious in here.”
“We’re having stuffed pork chops with twice baked potatoes and honey-glazed carrots. I was just going to cut up a loaf of French bread to eat with our salad when you rang the doorbell. Grab whatever you would like to drink out of the fridge. I’ve got a glass of water already.”
Mark grabbed a Pepsi from the fridge and set it on the table in the place where he normally sat and waited on Jessi to finish slicing the bread. Jessi placed the salad on the table, and Mark prayed over their meal. He didn’t walk on eggshells around Jessi regarding his faith. She knew what he believed, and he wasn’t going to diminish how much it meant to him for anyone’s benefit. He didn’t push it on her, so it surprised him when she brought up the subject as they started eating their salad.
“Mark, I’ve been thinking about us and how God fits into the equation. I mean, if we were to get back together, would you expect more out of me in the faith department than what I’m willing to give?”
Leave it to Jessi to just blurt out whatever she was thinking. Mark put down his fork and took a deep breath to give him some time to think. What was she saying “if we get back together”? Mark walked around the table to the open chair closest to Jessi. He took her fork from her and set it on the table; then he took both her hands in his. “Jess, what are you saying to me? I mean the ‘us’ part.”
Jessi looked from the table to Mark. Then she lifted up her left hand so he could see the ring she had put back on her own finger. She never knew why she had kept it. For some reason she couldn’t bring herself to throw it away, and after seeing Mark wearing his old ring, she found hers in the bottom of her jewelry box. It was a plain band. They didn’t have the money for a diamond engagement ring when they’d first gotten married. She knew it would send the message she didn’t trust herself to deliver by voice—that she too wanted her family back.
“Do you really mean it, Jess?”
She couldn’t trust herself to speak, so she just nodded her head yes.
He had to answer her questions before going any further. “Jessi, I am going to trust God i
n bringing you to him. If you are willing to keep doing as you are doing, I believe we will still be honoring God in being together. It’s how we started. I won’t expect any more of you until you are ready to give it. Does that answer your questions about faith?”
“I can accept that. I don’t know that I’ll feel differently, but I will still go to church each Sunday with you and Olivia. I just don’t know how much more I have to give right now. I’m trying to see God in everything. It’s just hard for me to accept him being so powerful yet unwilling to intervene.”
Mark got down on his knee before her. “Jessi, I have to do things right this time.” He pulled a box from his pocket, one that he’d been carrying around for the past six months, hoping and praying that the right time would come to use it. “Jessi, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife? I promise that I will love you and honor you for the rest of my days.” He opened the box, and Jessi gasped. Inside was the most beautiful ring she’d ever seen.
Tears sprang to Jessi’s eyes when she looked at the ring and thought of all that it meant. “Yes, Mark! I’ve been happier these past months than I’ve ever been, even more than when Ethan was here, and I’m not sure I like the sound of that, but I can’t help it. I’m happy, Mark, and I want to be happy forever. I like being happy. You and Aunt Merry and Olivia have been right all along. Forgiveness brings a freedom that I’d never expected. I forgive you, Mark, and I love you. I think I forgave you some time ago. I just felt if I let go of those hard feelings, I’d be letting Ethan down somehow. I didn’t realize until I talked with Aunt Merry that Ethan would want me to forgive you. It’s what he would do if he were here today.”