She turned her attention back to her locker and got out a notebook then closed it before glancing back at me. For a moment I thought she was going to talk, but she simply shook her head and then walked away. Leaving me there.
I had focused on her words and her voice all weekend to overcome my demons and face them head on. And she acts like we never spoke. Like she doesn’t know my secrets. Like I don’t know hers.
Bullshit.
I grabbed my first-period books and slammed my locker, and then I went after her. Just before I reached her, a hand wrapped around my arm. Jerking it free, I turned to glare at Brady. He didn’t look happy.
“Are you going after Maggie?”
I could lie, but that was pointless. “Yeah,” I replied.
“Not you, too,” he snarled. “Why the fuck can’t y’all leave her alone? She’s mute. She’s seen shit none of us can comprehend, and she isn’t a plaything for you. So go find someone else to chase after. My cousin is off. Limits.”
I couldn’t explain to him that I just wanted to talk to her again. He had no idea she’d talked to me. She wasn’t talking to anyone else. She’d only talked to me.
But even if she didn’t want to speak to me anymore, I didn’t want to stay away from her. Maggie made me feel stronger. She reminded me that I wasn’t alone in this world. That others had gone through this too. That I could be what my momma needed me to be . . . what my dad needed me to be.
“Fine. Whatever. I don’t have time for this shit,” I replied before stalking off the other way.
Out of nowhere, Raleigh stepped in front of me. “You didn’t call all weekend,” she said, sticking her bottom lip out and pouting.
I hadn’t called her because I hadn’t needed her to distract me. “You looked like you moved on Friday night,” I replied, shoving past her and walking toward my class.
“I was trying to make you jealous. You left me again, West. You never think about me. You just leave me.”
She was right that I didn’t think about her. She deserved more. I wasn’t able to be what Raleigh deserved. In the beginning I had been attracted to her. She was fun and exciting, and I didn’t think about my dad’s treatments when we were together. But that had only lasted a little while. Soon it just became about sex. I used her to forget for a moment. I felt guilty about it, but she’d seemed happy with things. She liked being my girlfriend.
What I knew now was that she deserved more than I was able to give her. It was time I cut her loose and let her go find a guy who could make her happy. All we did was fight.
“Then I’m not the guy for you. I’m never going to remember to check on you, Ray. I’m never going to be thinking about you. It’s not me. I don’t do that. So go find a guy who does. I sure as shit can’t make you happy.”
The look in her eyes wasn’t heartbreak. We weren’t in love. Although she liked to tell me she loved me often, I knew she didn’t. Who could love an asshole?
“I love you,” she said as if she’d read my thoughts.
I shook my head. “No, Ray, you don’t. I’m not lovable. Let’s stop this. You just get hurt with me, and that’ll never change. So this time, it really is over. Go find a guy who can be what you need. You deserve that. I can’t be that guy. Not for you. Not for anyone.”
I didn’t wait for her to reply before I turned and walked into first period.
I realized as I sat down that the words I’d just said to Raleigh were true. I couldn’t be mad at Brady for protecting Maggie from me. But maybe he’d let us be friends. I just needed a fucking friend right now. Not a girlfriend. How could I explain that to him?
Times Like These, I Was Glad I
Wasn’t Expected to Say Something
CHAPTER 11
MAGGIE
I walked into the cafeteria. I was choosing not to starve my way through lunch in the library. After a week at school I felt safer. Like I knew how things worked and what to expect. I didn’t feel like all eyes were on me anymore.
Well, that wasn’t exactly the whole story. Truth was, I wanted to see West. He hadn’t been at his locker since this morning, and when I passed him in the hall, he looked right through me. Sure, I’d not spoken this morning, but I wasn’t sure I could. Would I have a meltdown if I weren’t trying to help him? Maybe speaking only worked when he needed me to speak. Maybe it was West’s pain that triggered my ability to speak without losing my grip.
In the days after my mother’s death I had sat in a corner and screamed when anyone came near me. I knew what I was doing was crazy, but I couldn’t stop myself. A helpless fear had consumed me. I was in so much agony, I couldn’t be spoken to or handle anyone getting close to me.
When I was finally able to coax myself out of the corner and stop reliving the nightmare over and over in my head, I managed to function. But I still wouldn’t speak. It was the one thing that saved me. I could deal if I didn’t hear the sound of my voice.
“So, about that date we discussed at the pep rally?”
I turned from my place in the food line to see Charlie grinning at me. “I looked for you after the game Friday night, but you were nowhere to be found.”
Yeah, because my aunt and uncle shipped me off with Brady.
“Since you don’t have a notebook at the moment, I’ll do all the talking,” he continued. “I was thinking maybe Saturday we could go to Nashville for the day. It’s only an hour drive away. There’s an excellent place I like to eat there, and then I have tickets to the Grand Ole Opry that night. Dierks Bentley is going to be there.”
I had no idea who Dierks Bentley was, but I knew what the Grand Ole Opry was. I was pretty sure everyone in the South knew what that was. But an entire day with Charlie . . . in Nashville? I wasn’t sure my aunt and uncle would be okay with that.
“Just think about it. I promise we’ll have fun. And I talk enough for both of us.”
I started to smile, when my gaze locked on a person looking directly at me. West.
He was sitting at the table were Brady sat, along with the other football players. They were all allowed to come in early and get their trays so they could leave earlier and head to the field house.
“You know West Ashby? Well, yeah, you probably do considering he’s your cousin’s best friend.”
I tore my gaze away from West’s and moved up as the line did. I had come to see him, and there he was. Looking right at me. I wasn’t invisible to him now. Maybe he had forgiven me for not talking this morning.
“You sitting with anyone?’ Charlie asked.
I shook my head.
“Want to keep me company?”
I thought about that. Charlie was a nice guy, and he was okay with the fact I wasn’t going to talk to him. I nodded.
That got a smile from him. “Awesome,” he replied.
We both took our trays after choosing what we wanted, and I let Charlie lead the way. I had no idea where to go sit. Luckily, he had a table where he always sat, and there were several other people there who greeted him as we approached. I was going to meet Charlie’s friends, it seemed.
“Hey, guys, this is Maggie. Maggie, this is Shane.” He pointed to a redhead with a lot of freckles and a pair of very large glasses. “May.” May was a brunette with short curly hair and a forced smile. She wasn’t happy I was here—I didn’t need her to say anything to know that; it was all over her face. “Dick—yes, seriously that is his name. His mother hates him.” The dark-haired guy grinned at me, and I could tell he was curious. The light in his green eyes said he found something amusing.
“Maggie and I met at the pep rally Friday, and I am currently trying to talk her into going to Nashville with me Saturday.”
May’s shoulders snapped back, and fire lit her eyes. “You’re taking her to see Dierks Bentley?” she asked, sounding completely horrified.
“Oh boy,” Dick said with a chuckle.
Charlie completely ignored her reaction. His smile stayed in place as he sat down then nodded for me to sit beside him. “Sure am. She’s going to love it,” was his response.
Shane snorted as he took a drink of his milk. It appeared Shane and Dick were both having a hard time keeping it together. But Charlie continued to be oblivious to it all.
“Uh-oh,” Dick said as he dropped his sandwich to the tray. His eyes went wide.
“What?” Charlie asked as I turned to see what Dick was looking at.
Brady.
He was looking at Brady. Because Brady was coming this way. And he didn’t look happy. His tray was tight in his grip, and the clench of his jaw was hard to miss.
“Maggie,” Brady said as he sat down in the empty seat to the right of me.
I just stared at him. What was he doing?
“There’s another one,” Shane whispered, and I shifted my gaze from Brady to see West walking our way. He was watching me closely and also looked unhappy.
When his tray clanked loudly on the table, everyone but Brady jumped.
“What are you doing?” Brady asked him as West took the seat across from Brady.
“Same thing you’re doing,” he replied, then turned his gaze to me for a second before glaring at Charlie.
“I’m making sure my cousin is all right,” Brady replied.
West shifted his gaze back to me. It softened. “Me too.”
Brady muttered a curse word, and West just smirked as he picked up his burger and took a bite. I was used to Brady being a little overprotective, but West? I didn’t understand why he was here. Because we had talked? Did his opening up to me and my actually speaking make him feel as if he had to look out for me? I didn’t need either of them to keep me safe. Especially from someone like Charlie.
“Great. You got the jock squad over here now,” May grumbled.
Brady and West both ignored her comment.
“Sooo, how about that game Friday night, eh?” Dick said with a nervous smile.
Brady lifted his head to shoot Dick an annoyed glance before going back to his meal.
“I don’t think they’re here to talk to us,” Shane whispered loudly.
No one said anything for a few moments. Awkward silence was something I had grown used to. But right now I really wanted Charlie to be chatty.
“You ever been to the Grand Ole Opry?” Charlie asked me.
I started to shake my head when Brady spoke up. “No. She hasn’t.”
I glanced over at my cousin, who was eating his food like he was mad at it.
“Oh, well. You’re gonna love it,” Charlie said brightly. He didn’t seem at all affected by Brady’s rude behavior.
“I still can’t believe you’re taking her. You hardly know her. You know I’ve been dying to see Dierks Bentley in concert forever,” May said, sounding hurt.
Charlie glanced at me, and I saw the frustration in his eyes. He didn’t want to let May down. Why had he asked me, then? I didn’t have to go.
“She’s not going with you. Anywhere,” Brady said in his less-than-jolly tone.
It was times like these I was glad I wasn’t expected to say anything.
The End Hurts
CHAPTER 12
WEST
The guys were going to watch the video of Friday night’s game at Brady’s tonight. His mom would make tacos and chocolate cake. She always did. It was something we did every week during football season.
I hadn’t planned on going. Hospice had come today for the first time. Dealing with that was harder than I’d thought it would be. Dad had needed the pain meds so much this past week, he wasn’t coherent enough to even ask about Friday night’s game. I’d sat in his room and told him anyway. Hoping that, in his drugged sleep, he’d heard me.
That he was proud of me.
Soon I wouldn’t be able to sit in his room and talk to him at all.
Getting away from the heaviness in my house was necessary to keep sane. Having a stranger there, taking care of dad while my mother sat beside him, holding his hand, was too much.
So I ran. And I felt guilty about it.
Parking my truck outside Brady’s house, I realized I was the last one here. They all probably thought I wasn’t coming. When I walked inside, there would be laughter and joking. None of them had any worries or pain to deal with. It was all good food and football.
I glanced up at the window that had been Brady’s before Maggie had moved in. I wondered if she was up there now or if she was downstairs eating tacos with the guys. If it were up to her, she wouldn’t be. But if it was up to Coralee, I had a feeling she would be forced to sit down there with them.
I didn’t know a lot about Maggie, but I watched her. So much so that I was afraid someone was going to notice and say something about it. Watching her eased my mind. Even from afar she was enough to help me breathe. I was becoming dependent on a girl I hardly knew.
Footsteps snapped me out of my thoughts. I turned to see who it was, and my gaze found her.
“Brady doesn’t think you’re coming. Aunt Coralee pulled Brady aside this afternoon and told her about your dad. She knows. Brady was upset and wanted to come see you, but she said to give you time. That you needed to tell him yourself.” Maggie’s sweet voice made my chest warm. That wasn’t something I was familiar with anymore. The coldness had been there for so long now.
She had her long hair tucked behind her ears, and she was staring at the house like I had been. There was a peace that came with her presence. I didn’t understand it because she carried so much heaviness. But for me, she brought peace.
“Hospice came today. Feels like the end,” I told her.
She tilted her head back and looked up at me. At six- foot-two, I towered over her five-foot-five frame. “The end hurts,” she said simply.
She wasn’t sugarcoating it. She wasn’t telling me I had to be strong. She was just being honest. She knew that words meant nothing right now. I reached over and covered her small hand with mine.
“It hurts like hell,” I replied.
She let me hold her hand as we stood there silently. This was what I needed today. Having her beside me, knowing she understood.
“Thanks. For talking to me,” I whispered, as if someone would hear me.
She turned her hand in mine and squeezed. “I’m here whenever you need to talk.”
“You didn’t talk to me today at school,” I reminded her.
“You didn’t need me to then.”
“I did. You just didn’t realize how much.”
The front door of the house opened, and Maggie quickly moved her hand from mine.
Brady stood there staring. At first I expected him to yell at me for being out here with Maggie. But then I saw it wasn’t anger in his eyes. It was sadness. He was sad for me. Then there was the sympathy I didn’t want.
“He loves you. He’s going to feel bad for you. Let him,” Maggie whispered so quietly, I doubted Brady could tell she had said anything from where he stood.
Let him.
She said I should let him feel sorry for me. Because he loved me. I could do that. I had to. There was no way to keep it from happening. Knowing there was one person who understood my pain in a way no one ever could was enough.
“Stay with me,” I asked her, not taking my eyes off Brady.
“Okay,” was her soft reply.
Brady walked toward us. Maggie stayed by my side. Brady glanced over at her but only for a second. He was focused on me. He wouldn’t know what to say to me. I knew that, because if the situations were reversed, I wouldn’t know what to say to him, either.
“You okay?” he asked, watching me cautiously. Like I would break down at any moment. Didn’t he get that I’d been dealing with this for a long time now?
“Yeah,” I replied, which was a lie, but I wasn’t going to make him feel any worse.
He let out a heavy sigh and ran his hand through his hair as he stared off across the street. He was thinking. He wanted me to tell him. I knew that. But what was he going to do once I did? Tell me he was sorry? That he was here for me if I needed him? Didn’t he know how