* * *
Auckland brought a major crew change with nearly three hundred people going home and being replaced by new crew members. Busy was a usual thing on a ship and the crew lived that day like they lived any other: with just the right amount of resignation and the hope it would end fast so they could relax and enjoy the rest of the cruise.
The crew office had lot more work than three people could handle and Denise sent two receptionists to give them a hand.
Anne went home and was replaced by Kate, an English woman with bright orange hair, and when they were introduced Denise found it hard not to laugh. Her intention had probably been to get red hair but it hadn’t worked out very well. She looked like a carrot. Kate didn’t smile nor made any effort to be nice and Denise soon got to the conclusion that her misery was now complete. At least Anne was fun; Kate was arrogant, unfriendly and it seemed like she was friends with Leah. That had to be bad news.
Elaine came by the back office to talk to Denise while Leah and Kate went for lunch. Denise found the visit surprising but received Elaine with kindness. The woman was not exactly nice to anyone, but Denise didn’t have personal complaints yet.
“Hi Denise. How is everything?”
“Good. Can’t complain.” She answered carefully, avoiding telling her that she hated her job, Leah and having to lie about it.
“Listen, have you met Kate before?” Elaine asked.
“No. Why?”
“Be careful with her and make sure your team is very well behaved from now on. Kate is a difficult person and either everything goes the way she wants or there will be serious trouble on the way.”
Denise glanced at her, wondering what to do if anything became worse than it already was.
“Are you talking about anything in particular?”
“No. Just keep your eyes and ears open, and let me know if anything goes beyond reasonable. I like a job well done too but I’ve been with her on other ships and she’s hard work. Kate doesn’t like me because I got promoted before her and she’s bitter about it.” Elaine replied.
“Sure. Thanks for telling me that. I’ll do my best to have my team working very well.”
With new receptionists to train, the ones who were assigned to help the crew office and the embarkation process with its typical ups and downs, Denise forgot about that conversation for a while. She also forgot to eat and her stomach was saved by one of her guys who ran up to deck 15 and got her a chicken breast and some fries from the grill.
At almost eight in the evening the reception was still very busy. A passenger was making a fuss because she was called by security to open her bags after a strange shaped object was located when they scanned the bag. It turned out the strange object was a sexual toy and the woman’s embarrassment turned into rage. The security guard stood patiently in the back office listening to her complaints about invasion of privacy. From her corner Denise observed the scene amused but feeling sorry for the security officer. It took a lot of patience to put up with some people.
Sofia came by and sat on the chair that would be occupied by the night manager later on.
“What’s up?” She asked, noticing Denise’s stress.
“Turnaround day. I swear I haven’t seen the sun light today.” She answered with her eyes on the computer screen.
Sofia looked at the cork board on the wall. Like the hotel secretary, Denise also had a collection of passenger’s comments. One big sign protected by a plastic cover read ‘All passengers are liable to be rejected, who, upon examination, are found to be lunatic, idiot, deaf, dumb, blind or infirm, or above the age of sixty years; White Star Line Brochure, 1892’.
“Where did you get this?” Sofia asked amused.
“If was a gift from a friend. Those were the rules from the company that owned Titanic back in the nineteenth century. It used to be in their brochures.”
“Very funny. If we applied this today, we would go out of business.”
Sofia’s eyes kept browsing through the wall and another bit caught her attention. A colored piece of paper read “What they say!” and right underneath there were notes in different handwritings.
“What is that?” She asked, pointing at the wall.
Denise looked up. “That’s where we write really stupid things that people tell us. We also add our own observations. I borrowed the idea from Sylvia and my team keeps adding stuff as they happen.”
“I saw Sylvia’s collection this morning.” Sofia started reading from the top:
‘Does this elevator take me to the back of the ship?’
‘What time are the whales coming?’
‘Can you move the lifeboat from our stateroom window?’
‘Do the crew sleep onboard?’
‘Has this ship ever sunk before?’
‘Is the water in the toilet salt or fresh?’
‘The Mexican buffet only served Mexican food!’
‘Why isn’t everything in the shops reduced on the last day of the cruise?’
‘Does the ship generate its own electricity?’
‘I can’t find my cabin because the captain turned the ship around.’
‘Where is the captain? Is now a good time to complain about the rocking?’
‘Can the ship drop us off at the airport?’
‘Do the lifeboats really float?’
‘The orange pillows on my bed are so hard. Can I get softer ones?’ (that would be a lifejacket)
‘If this is New Zealand, where is the Old Zealand?’
‘The walking tour of Christchurch was terrible. There was over 80% walking.’
‘If we take the dolphins swim tour, do we have to get off the ship?’
‘Could the mountains be more conveniently located closer to where the ship docks?’
‘Is there much cycling in the bicycle tour?’
‘When a passenger goes on the kayaking tour, where are the toilets?’
‘I have a complaint. The dolphins are swimming on the port side of the ship and I can’t see them from my balcony because my room is on the other side.’
‘Which deck does the shuttle bus departure from?’
‘What side of the ship is deck 4?’
‘Why are there so many Americans onboard?’
Sofia burst in laughter. “This is amazing. It’s incredible that people say things like that.”
Denise smiled back. “The problem is not that they say things like that, it’s the fact that they say it seriously. But it’s okay. They make my day with their silliness.”
“Passengers are very special. Their creativity should be converted into something useful, like some green form of energy.”
“That would fix global warming.”
As soon as Denise said that a receptionist came by and asked her to go and talk to a passenger who had a complaint about a life jacket.
“A lifejacket?” Denise asked in disbelief. “What kind of moron waits in that endless queue to complain about a lifejacket?”
The receptionist, a Brazilian named Eduardo, lowered his head humbly and started giggling. “Some stairway guide during the passenger’s drill told her that if she didn’t like the color of the lifejacket she could ask for a different one to her room steward. She went back to the room and asked the steward to get her a blue jacket. He said we only have orange and now she wants to complain.” He explained.
Denise glanced at Sofia who was beaming a smile. “See? Welcome to my life!” She said before going to the front to speak to the passenger.
Sofia read the rest of the comments on the list and took some notes on a piece of scrap paper. Denise returned after a few minutes.
“So, how was it?”
“It took me a while to make her understand that it was a joke. Now that she understood it’s a joke she wants compensation for the time she spent here, complaining. If I find who that stairway guide is, I’ll kill him. I didn’t need this on turnaround day. Freaking’ idiots trying to be funny.”
“Cam??
? on Denise, you have to admit it was funny.”
She chuckled. “It was.”
The moment she finished saying that, Kate came into the office with her flaming hair and very strangely shaped glasses on the tip of her nose. She said something about a file that no one could find and left without waiting for a reply.
“And what is that?” Sofia asked when the strange woman walked out the door.
“That is Anne’s replacement and it’s another thing I didn’t need on turnaround day.”
“Your life is not boring my friend. I give you that.”
“It’s like this: you can work in all kinds of departments onboard, but nothing compares to the excitement of the front desk.” She retorted with sarcasm.
It was almost nine when they finished and made it to the officer’s mess where they found many familiar faces, all looking very tired. Amy, Diego and Benjie seemed defeated. Two of the new receptionists looked like a train had ran over them, and as soon as the two friends found seats, Aaron arrived with a pale face and huge bags under his eyes and sat next to them without even saying hello.
“I think we need a drink…” Diego said slowly and with a very low voice, sounding just like he was about to faint.
“That was the wisest thing you said today.” Benjie agreed with a forced smile and after another boring meal with the same menu of every turnaround day they went to the wardie to get that drink they so desperately needed.
“And this is why we’re all about to become alcoholics.” Denise snorted.
The wardroom was packed with people happy that turnaround day was over. Ian celebrated his new position as night manager and Tania was happy to be able to see the daylight and have a social life again.
The usual groups gathered in their places and Amy, Denise and Sofia listened as Carla told them enthusiastically about the new gorgeous fitness instructor.
“Good luck with that. Remember, he might be gay.” Amy teased her.
“No he can’t. That would be too much of a waste.” Carla answered, knowing for a fact that Amy could actually be right.
“There should be a law saying that only ugly guys could be gay. Good looking ones should always be straight.” Sofia claimed.
“Approved.” Carla smirked.
When Kate came in through the door half the people shut up and stared. Seconds later they resumed their conversations and tried to act normal. Carla went pale for a bit and then she and Amy started giggling. Luckily Kate didn’t see that because she was in the bar ordering something and talking to an odd looking engineer who appeared to be about to get sick, also a new face onboard.
“What’s so funny?”
“That woman over there, Kate, she was on two ships with me. She’s been dating that engineer for years. He’s married and we all know he will never divorce his wife, but she keeps thinking one day he will. Once in a while the guy’s wife comes onboard and Kate has to go back to her room and sleep alone until the wife goes home again.” Carla told them and Amy nodded positively.
“Yes, Kate can be a complicated thing to deal with. When everything is going well with him she’s not so bad but when things start going down the drain, normally because of the wife, she becomes unbearable.” Amy added, leaving Denise seriously nervous.
“Are you serious? That’s our new passenger relations. The woman is my supervisor.”
“Sorry for you.” Carla responded.
“Is there a way to find out if his wife is coming onboard anytime soon?” Denise asked, finally understanding what Elaine was talking about in the afternoon.
“Define soon.”
“Before I finish my contract.”
“I’ll see what I can find out.” Amy reassured her.
Sofia started laughing and everyone looked at her wondering what she found so amusing.
“I just realized that ships are just like those soap operas that never end. They replace the characters and the drama goes on. This is very amusing.” She observed.
Later on, with a few too many drinks and her muscles begging for a bed, Denise took a shower and lay in bed hugging Diego so strongly that he felt asphyxiating.
“What’s up?” He asked.
“Just one of those days, you know. Lots of issues, complicated people, Leah, carrot head who apparently wears the stripes on her head instead of wearing them on the shoulders...”
Diego chuckled.
“It’s not funny.” Denise complained.
“Sorry, I’m not laughing because you had a bad day. It’s just even when you have a bad day you manage to come up with funny observations, like carrot head. Very appropriate. Pray that she never hears that.” Diego explained, hugging her a bit closer to make her feel better.
“I’m so tired…”
“I know.” He replied, not grasping that she was not referring just to that day.