* * *
Sofia met David for breakfast but he didn’t look as cheerful and happy as usual. She sat next to him and he barely looked at her.
“Hi David. Are you ok?” She asked with concern.
“Hi Sofia. Sorry honey, I’m not having a good day.” He replied vaguely.
“What happened? Can I help?”
He gave her a shy smile. “I wish you could. I just got a call from my wife about a first engineer I used to work with. The guy is dying of brain cancer. He’s thirty and he won’t live more than another day or two. ”
Sofia’s memory went back to Jamie. Cancer. There was always someone too young dying of some sort of cancer. Of all the diseases in the world cancer was probably the cruelest. People get infections from untreated wounds, they can get AIDS through blood or sexual fluids, malaria from a mosquito bite and so on, but cancer just happens to anyone at any age and many times when the first symptoms manifest it is already too late.
“I’m so sorry David, I don’t know what to say.”
“When a doctor doesn’t know what to say, how can I? I’ve been very lucky so far. Never lost anyone very close to me. My parents are very old but they are still alive. Mark will be the first. Have you ever lost anyone?” He asked.
“Two years ago my father was murdered and last year my boyfriend’s nephew died of cancer in my arms.”
He looked at her bewildered. “I’m sorry darling. I didn’t think you would have gone through so much already.”
“People die every day. It’s not a matter of if; it’s a matter of when. We have to live with the pain.”
“Do they teach you that in med school?”
“As doctors we are more familiar with death than most people but it doesn’t mean it’s easier for us. We just have to gather all our strength to keep it going. Our soundness of mind and our professional performance depend on it.”
“I see… that must be hard. What about your boyfriend? You never talked about him before.”
“It’s complicated. We needed some time apart.”
“Is that why you are here?”
“Yes. And I am sorry but I really need to go to work. I know you’re going through a hard time. If you need to talk, please page me.” She offered and gave him a warm smile that tugged at his heart.
“Thanks. It’s going to be tough to keep focused with this happening. I can’t stop thinking about Mark and how helpless I am.”
“I’m sorry David, I really am.” She said one more time.
As soon as the medical center opened in the morning Sofia saw an Asian girl sitting in the crew waiting room in a strange position. She looked like she was in terrible pain. Sofia called immediately to check on her. The girl was pale and her uniform skirt was wet. As soon as she laid down on the stretcher for observation the girl screamed. Sofia noticed the round shape of her belly and shouted at Keira to get Ryan as another contraction made the patient cry.
“What’s going on?” The nurse asked before she looked better at the patient.
“She’s having a baby.” The doctor replied checking her dilatation.
“What?! That’s crazy.”
“It might be crazy, but I’ll give you about one hour and we’ll have another person onboard.”
The girl looked at Sofia with panic eyes. “Me, no pregnant.” She mumbled in broken English.
“Sorry dear, you are pregnant and your baby is about to be born. Didn’t you know you were pregnant?!” Sofia queried not sure if the girl was nuts or if there was a language issue.
“No. Me no pregnant.” She insisted.
“All right, Naly. You work for housekeeping, right?” Sofia read her name in the tag and recognized the uniform.
She nodded with her eyes filling with tears.
“We’re going to call someone from the Philippines who can talk to you in your language so we can understand you better. Meanwhile, you are going to do as I say, all right? Don’t be afraid.” Sofia asked slowly, hoping that she would understand and held her hand to give her more confidence.
“I do. Me hurt.” She replied.
Ryan arrived and so did Mary. The nurses started preparing things for child birth and the doctors went out to talk to the housekeeping manager as soon as he arrived with another Filipino girl who would help with the conversation.
The housekeeping manager told them he had no idea she was pregnant and paced around the room nervously. The girl with him was Naly’s roommate and she too claimed she didn’t know, which was even more absurd.
“How could you share a room with her and not notice she was pregnant?” Ryan asked incredulously.
“She is chubby so I though she put on some weight. I never saw her get sick or say anything about a baby. She was planning to go on holidays to visit her aunt in Los Angeles in two months. I don’t think she knew she was pregnant. Swear-to-God.”
Ryan and Sofia looked at each other dumbfounded.
“What else will happen on this ship?” Sofia wondered.
“Don’t ask. Anything is possible.” Ryan replied. “Someone page Tania and tell her to start preparing the paperwork. We will have to explain to the authorities why we have an extra person onboard when we arrive in port.” He ordered.
“Do you know who the father might be?” Sofia enquired.
“Don’t know. She’s been onboard for about ten months and she was going to finish in a month.” The roommate replied. “But I really don’t know who the father might be. Naly doesn’t talk much.”
“So she’s doing an eleven month contract, cleaning rooms every day and she just spent an entire pregnancy without a medical check!” Ryan observed. “That’s going to make it interesting. Let’s pray that this baby is fine.”
When they saw the baby coming out and start crying it was general relief. At a first sight the boy was healthy. The mother was only tired and scared.
A few more tests confirmed that they were both fine and mother and son were kept for observation until they could be disembarked the next day.
Naly decided to name the baby Ryan and the senior doctor couldn’t help a big smile when he held the little guy wrapped in a blanket. Sofia spent a few minutes with him in the office and they shared a coffee and biscuits.
“Did this ever happen to you before?” She asked with curiosity.
“I disembarked several crew members who got pregnant onboard, but never has a crew member given birth on one of my ships. I’m still puzzled that she didn’t know she was pregnant.” Ryan replied.
“It’s unusual, but it happens.”
“Yes, but she would have felt more tired, or at least the baby moving inside her. It’s insane that she was never seen by a doctor. She could have lost that baby working twelve hours a day during her pregnancy. She could have faced serious complications as well.”
“Do you think she might be lying?”
“I don’t know. If she knew she was pregnant and kept it a secret all this time, she is very stupid. But I wouldn’t be surprised. We would have disembarked her and she would lose the money for the contract.”
“Nuts. Now she’s got a baby that will have to be put on a plane back to the Philippines very soon and she doesn’t even have clothes for him.” Sofia said, feeling sorry for the baby.
“It is a crazy world this one. I’ve been on ships for six years and every time I think I’ve seen everything something else happens.” Ryan concluded.
Sofia went to the back office on deck 5 and met Tania to do the paperwork with her. She was not impressed. It was very difficult to explain an extra person onboard, but the situation was somehow funny. Everybody in the pursers department knew the story and there was an unusual movement of people in the back office, pretending to pass by but clearly eavesdropping.
“Who’s the father?” Kate asked from behind her desk.
“Supposedly it’s a Filipino waiter who disembarked three months ago and has no idea he’s a daddy.”
“Poor girl. She’ll have to tra
vel alone with the infant after she gave birth. That has to be hard.” Denise observed.
“She’ll be taken to a hospital tomorrow and as soon as she gets clearance the port agent will arrange a flight to take her home. I cleared it with the company and everybody in head office was very understanding. She will not travel until its safe and the company will pay for everything she needs until she’s home.” Tania clarified.
“That’s good to know. Extra points for head office. I still think it’s very sad that she just had a baby and there’s no one here for her. She must feel very lonely.” Denise insisted.
“She probably does. But she’s lucky that baby is alive and healthy.” Sofia answered and as she spoke her pager started vibrating. She called the number back and ran off through the door on deck 5, leaving everyone behind enthusiastically gossiping.
Sofia took the first elevator she found and met David in his cabin. His face was very sad when he opened the door.
“Hi David.”
He looked at her emptily and didn’t reply.
“He’s dead, isn’t he?”
“My wife called one hour ago. Mark is gone.” He murmured, feeling his heart tight on his chest.
“I’m sorry.” She said and hugged him.
They sat near each other for a while saying nothing and Sofia eventually broke the silence.
“Do you want to know something ironic?” She asked.
“Tell me.”
“I helped delivering a baby two hours ago.”
David observed her for a moment. “Someone had a baby onboard?” He asked with surprise but no enthusiasm at all. “You have to tell me that story some other time.”
“Sure. Is there anything you want me to do? Should I order food?” Sofia asked feeling a bit out of place and not knowing what else to say.
“I haven’t eaten since breakfast. It’s like there’s something stuck in my stomach.”
“That’s your nerves. You should get a soup or something like that. This is me talking like a doctor. As a friend I understand if you don’t want to eat.”
“Do you know what the worst thing about this job is? This. My friend just died in England and I am on the other side of the world. It scares me that one day my wife or one of my kids gets sick or in an accident and it will take me two days to get home. I know I couldn’t stop Mark from dying, but I wasn’t there. I should have been with him, as a friend. I knew that boy since he was a cadet.” He acknowledged painfully.
Sofia lowered her head and thought about his words. “I never thought about that. It’s true; it takes about two days to get from here to Europe considering the connection flights. But you’ve been at sea for twenty years and that has never happened. Maybe it never will. Being afraid doesn’t change anything. It only makes things harder. And you shouldn’t have to feel guilty. I’m sure Mark would understand and he would never have blamed you for being here.”
“Yes, I guess he wouldn’t but still, I will always regret it. Friends are important, they’re like family and I shouldn’t be stuck on the other side of the world while my friend was taking his last breath. It’s just not right.”
“It’s not right, but it’s life, especially when you’re at sea. I’m sure Mark knew how much you cared about him.”
They talked for a little longer and David felt a twinge of relief for at least having someone to talk to, someone who understood what death does to the ones that are still alive. By the time Sofia left, he gathered the strength he had left and called Mark’s family to give them a word of comfort.
Sofia’s memory took her back to her father’s funeral. The coffin was closed because there was hardly anything left of his body. The explosion had been extremely destructive. The only thing that gave her a bit of relieve was to know that he hadn’t suffered. According to the police it was so quick he wouldn’t even have seen it coming. One second he was alive, the next he was dead. His funeral had been a cold, dull ceremony, done just for the sake of his public image. Antonio had been a public figure and the family agreed to give a chance to everyone who knew him to say goodbye. By the end of that day, after her father’s body was finally resting on the ground, Sofia felt like the entire thing had been a bad dream. Nothing made sense, the fact that someone killed him on his birthday, the strange ceremony, but especially the fact that he was really gone, forever. Sofia’s biggest regret was that she never had a chance to make amends with him. He hadn’t been the nicest person on earth, but he was her father.
And then there was Jamie. Jamie was only a child. He was six years old. The pain of seeing him suffer through cancer and dying so helplessly was excruciating.
When Sofia returned to her cabin she called Kieran. He found her voice edgy and asked if she was feeling well.
“Everything is fine.” She said. “I just want to make sure you’re okay too.”
“Why? You sound worried. What’s going on?”
She made a short pause to think of what would be appropriate to say.
“A few things happened to other people and made me think. I just wanted to hear your voice.” She answered vaguely.
“You can hear my voice whenever you want. You can also be with me whenever you decide. You know I’m waiting for you.” He reminded her.
She managed a halfhearted smile she wished he could see. “I know…”
“Sofia…”He pleaded, “please don’t hang up yet.”
“I wasn’t going to.”
“It’s just that every time you call you always cut me off. It makes me feel like you’re trying to get rid of me. I miss talking to you.” He told her with a warm voice.
“Sorry. I only do that because it’s easier than to get into the good-bye-talk-to-you-soon process. I miss talking to you too. It wasn’t my intention to hurt your feelings.”
“Well, it does. So please, talk to me.” He pressed.
“About what?”
“I don’t know, anything that comes to your mind.”
She paused for a moment.
“This is so awkward. I feel like my mind just got empty right now. I can’t think of anything to say. Nothing at all.” She giggled nervously.
“If it helps, I was just thinking about that day after your surgery when I discharged you from the hospital. When I asked if you had anyone to pick you up and you said no, I’m alone. That almost sounded like a different kind of message to me but I thought I was imagining things.”
“Well, I was on drugs so it is likely that my sub-conscious was sending messages without my permission.” She chuckled.
“And then Ailish came by and spoiled my fun. I was going to offer to drive you home but she anticipated.”
“You know she meant well, plus, considering we shared the apartment it would only make sense that she looked after me.”
He sighed. “I know, but it made me very anxious. I spent the next three days wondering how you were doing before I gathered the courage to visit.” He confessed.
“And then you came over that night, after work. I remember you said you were driving by and you thought you could check on me. All very professional. You were so stiff I thought you had found some rare disease on my last blood tests and I was going to be told I only had a few days left to live.”
He laughed out loud. “I was just nervous. I didn’t know what would be suitable to say and you made it all seem so easy.”
“You mean I rant a lot, right?”
“I liked your ranting. You were really funny and it made me feel like we had been friends for a long time.”
“That was actually a fun night, despite the fact that I was still in pain and my hair looked like a haystack.” She observed amused.
“That was the night I fell in love with you.” He confessed.
“Really? I thought it had taken a good bit longer. How come you never told me that before?”
He snorted. “I didn’t think it was that relevant and then, you always seemed so sure of your own assumptions I didn’t want to spoil it for yo
u.”
“Thanks!” She replied sarcastically.
“I’m going to tell you something else I have never told you before. You remember that intern, Martin, who was in the hospital for a while?”
“Yes, sure I do.” She answered, making a mental picture of the gorgeous twenty three year old that got so many heads spinning between patients and hospital staff.
“I was so jealous of that guy like you wouldn’t imagine. It was very, very hard not to break his cocky nose a few times.” He confessed with a slight tone of embarrassment.
She chuckled, remembering a few interesting episodes involving Martin and the female crowd.
“Not funny.” Kieran retorted.
“Actually, it’s really funny to imagine you of all people jealous of someone like Martin. He might have made it to med school, but let’s be realistic, I wouldn’t consider him competition to you.”
“And why wouldn’t I be jealous of a guy who wouldn’t miss a chance to be all over you?”
“Because you’re always so confident.” She replied automatically.
“I’m confident doing my job. With you I was just trying very hard so I wouldn’t lose your attention. It wasn’t easy. The first time we kissed I was shaking. It felt like I was twelve all over again.”
“Wow, and I thought I was the one in panic.” She confessed.
He grinned. “You always gave me the impression that everything was under your control. Like you could see the future and you knew exactly what was going to happen next.”
She chuckled again. “I guess we both missed excellent career opportunities in the entertainment industry. For the record, I was nervous too and I had no idea what was going to happen next. I’m only human.”
“Good to know. Sometimes I wonder if you get extra shots of strength from somewhere I don’t know.”
“What makes you think that?”
“You said you loved me but you were able to leave. I could never have done that.” He declared.
She paused, feeling like she had just swallowed broken glass. “I do love you. And I didn’t leave you. It was temporary. It took everything from me. I’m not sure I could do it again.”
“Don’t even think about it. When I get you back I will never let you go again.”
“Bossy, aren’t we?” She joked.
“My life doesn’t make any sense without you Sofia. I can’t lose you again.”
She sighed with relief when she heard those words. “You never lost me Keiran. I’ve been yours from the moment we met.”
They stayed on the phone chatting and learning each other’s thoughts and memories until her calling card was over. When they said goodbye Sofia was again certain that they would be together soon and that everything was going to be alright. That was a very comforting thought. She wanted to finish her contract and do her job, but knowing that Kieran would be waiting for her when she left made her feel so excited she was starting to count the days to go home. She finally felt like she had something to go back to.
16
In Sydney another challenging turnaround day started with the usual jumble of passengers looking for their bags in the terminal building, checking in and trying to find where to go once they boarded the ship.
For the crew with time to go ashore it was a beautiful day with the white roofs of the Opera House shining under the sun and thousands of people out and about.
Denise managed a quick escape for just two hours and used the time to do a little sightseeing, take pictures and visit a couple of shops to buy one thing that had been bothering her not to have: newspapers. Crew members are people who live completely disconnected from the world. Whatever is going on outside the metal walls of the ship is unknown to them and by the time they get home it’s hard to catch up with the last six or seven months.
She bought the Australian Times, the Sydney Morning Herald and the New York Times. She also got a few chick-flick magazines just for the fun of reading silly articles on how to look like a movie star and to become a sex goddess. It made her happy enough to feel that little bit closer to the real world, even if all those news were going to be history two days later.
She returned to the ship at lunch time with two big boxes of pizza and once she paged her best friend and her boyfriend, who were both stranded onboard with work up to their eyes, there was a cabin picnic. They left the door open because of the smell and that same smell attracted a few unexpected guests that turned it into a little afternoon party.
“Did I read that email about the Eagles right? This is a gay cruise?” Sofia asked Denise who immediately started laughing.
“Well, sort off. The Eagles are a gay club formed by tall, well-built and normally hairy men and we have nearly three hundred of them onboard this cruise. I can promise it’s going to be interesting.”
“I think I like the other Eagles better, the ones who make music.” Diego retorted with a big slice of pizza on the way to his mouth.
“Wait a minute, we have a gay cruise, but only some of the passengers are gay?”
“I’m so happy I work in the crew office.” Amy observed with relief.
“So am I.” Diego added.
“I’m not that lucky.” Allison added. “But I can tell we will have a lot to talk about this cruise.”
Sofia distributed more slices of pizza, happy they got two big ones. Anything less and they wouldn’t have been able to feed everyone.
“I’m guessing no one told the other passengers they are going to share their holiday with nearly three hundred bearded gay men, right?” She enquired.
“Of course not!”
“I’ll keep an extra eye on the night report and the file that the front desk keeps this cruise. There might be some entertaining reading there.” Sofia remarked.
In the afternoon, Ryan arrived with his beautiful and charming wife, Karima. She was originally from France and used to be a photographer onboard. Since they got married she was living in Cape Town, working as a photographer in her studio and traveling with her husband once in a while. Sofia became friends with her almost immediately.
After the passengers drill, Karima came by with a hard drive and showed Sofia some of her pictures since the doctor was so interested in photography.
Sofia was impressed. The images were amazing and by the time they went through all of them Africa was on top of her list of places to visit.
“The only African country I’ve ever seen was Egypt, but that was mostly the usual historical traveling. Pyramids, Cairo Museum, Luxor, we did a three day cruise in the Nile. But that isn’t really the same as experiencing Africa. After seeing your pictures it really makes me want to go there but I always found it so unsafe. It scares me a bit. That’s why I’ve given priority to other destinations.”
Karima gave her an understanding smile. “It is unsafe to a certain extent but there are ways to be there safely, just like anywhere in the world. Keep in mind that Africa is the most amazing destination in the world. Nothing against everywhere else and every place has its own charm. Everywhere on Earth there is something worth seeing but Africa my dear, gets in your soul. Once you have felt it you will never be the same.” Karima said with enthusiasm.
“Don’t you miss the cosmopolitan life of Paris?”
“Paris is a beautiful city and I love it. But I love the place where I live now a lot more. Sometimes it would be nice to have some of the things I would find in France, but every time I go to the balcony and smell the earth after the rain, every time I take a safari and come across with a leopard or a lion, I know I am where I belong.” Karima answered happily.
“That’s great. You need to give me some advice on places to go and maybe some photography lessons. I’ve learned a lot on my own and I have a good camera, but nothing like learning from the professionals.” Sofia asked and Karima agreed, happy to share her knowledge.
By the end of the day there was nothing too interesting in the file about the gay group. The other passengers were probably too
busy unpacking and finding their way around the ship to notice their fellow passengers…yet.
Ryan invited the medical team for dinner in the Italian restaurant where it was very easy to get a table on turnaround day and they watched sail away on the back of the ship.
Sail away from Sydney was something absolutely spectacular. They left port by nine in the evening. Thousands of lights illuminated the city ahead of them and as the ship pulled out, some smaller boats followed the vessel blasting their horns like they were saying ‘see you soon’. The scenario behind them was startling with the Opera House on the left, the city center in the middle and the Harbor Bridge finishing the picture.
Sofia and Karima took lots of pictures. Nature might offer great images and moments, but manmade work also has its particular beauty and Sydney is a clear example of art, intelligence and style.
Before heading to her cabin, Sofia stopped by the office to get the memory stick she had left attached to the computer earlier. When she pulled it out she saw a small box on the desk with her name and the ship’s address in Sydney. She received mail, which was already surprising, but more surprising, it was from Kieran. She opened the box quickly with her heart racing.
The card read: To remind you of me. Love. Kieran.
There was a smaller velvet box inside. She opened it and found a set with a bracelet and matching necklace in silver, both with crystal pendants. They were simple and beautiful. She put them on and looked at herself in the mirror. The first thought that crossed her mind was to go back to Ireland, especially after their last conversation. She missed Kieran so much it felt like there was a fire burning her slowly, but she had a commitment with the cruise line and she wanted to do things right so instead of packing her bags she called him.
He answered with a sleepy voice.
“Sorry I woke you up. I forgot about the time difference.” She said apologetically.
“It’s okay, I don’t mind.” He replied.
“Thanks for the gift. I love it.”
“I knew you would.” He answered complacently.
“You do know me. How did you get my address?”
“I squeezed Ailish. She didn’t want to tell me at first but I told her I would get her boss to put her on the night shift for two months and she wrote it down for me.” Kieran explained proudly.
“Pulling ranks on my friends?” She pretended to be upset.
“A guy does what he has to do.”
“Thanks, it was very nice of you and I love it.”
Sofia felt sad and guilty like she had been given her own poison, but measuring every side of it, it was good that Kieran understood that he needed to work hard for what he wanted in his personal life, not just in the OR. Men were selfish and many times found themselves in a secure relationship with someone who loved them and took it for granted. They fell into a routine and one day woke up and realized there was nothing left. As much as it was painful to be away from the love of her life, Sofia was sure she had done the right thing. He was finally seeing things the way they were and fighting back. There was still the issue of him sleeping with someone else biting at her, but at the right time she would deal with it too.
Just as she was about to change and go to bed she got paged. It was from the wardroom and when she called back she heard Aaron all cheerful on the other side of the line.
“Hey doc. Everyone is here except you. Come and join us.” He said.
“Aaron, I’m tired.” She replied.
“Oh, don’t be boring. What are you, sixty? Get your pretty ass here or we’ll get you.” He threatened. The next voice she heard was Diego’s who confirmed they would pick her up if she didn’t show up and then Amy asked for her presence a bit more kindly and clearly less drunk.
“Damn pursers!” She muttered while changing into jeans and a sweat shirt instead of her pajamas and went to the wardroom where suddenly there was a big party going on.
“What’s the occasion? Are we celebrating something?” She asked and Aaron gave her a glass of something that looked funny and tasted very alcoholic. Then she saw Carla and Denise dancing on one of the tables. “What’s going on here?”
“Party. Party.” Diego said, holding a set of darts in one hand and a glass of rum and coke in the other.
“We’re just dancing it all out!” Denise added and she didn’t look any more sober than anyone else.
Half an hour later Sofia still didn’t know the reason for the party which later turned into karaoke and from there, at two o’clock in the morning Sofia, Diego, Denise, Carla, Amy and two new pursers whose names no one could remember were on the bridge with Amy’s husband watching the stunning view outside.
“You know, at times like this I really love this job.” Sofia said.
Aaron smiled understandingly. “See, aren’t you happy that we got you out of that cold, lonely cabin?” He asked.
“Of course I am. I’m pretty sure I won’t be that happy in five hours when my alarm clock starts to ring but for now it’s all cool.” She retorted.
Amy’s husband proposed a game of naming the stars. It sounded a bit childish, but it was fun and they had nothing better to do.
“Aren’t the stars named already?” Someone asked.
Rob rolled his eyes heavenwards. “Our Milky Way galaxy contains over one hundred billion stars. If we compared each star in our galaxy to a page in a book, at the rate of one page per second it would take over three thousand years to go through all the pages. To count those stars it would be necessary to turn about fifty pages per second during a normal human lifetime. And that’s the Milky Way alone.” He explained and everyone dazzled.
“That’s incredible.” Someone said.
He nodded affirmatively with his eyes fixed outside. “The universe is incredible, especially what we don’t know yet.”
17
In Melbourne, Ryan went out with Karima on a private tour with friends. Being forced to stay onboard, Sofia had more time to enjoy the things the ship had to offer.
Having an extended workout in the gym or getting her hair done in the Spa, spending some time by the pool reading a book while getting tanned or having a meal quietly pleasant and relaxing. She found herself telling Denise that she would actually enjoy going on a cruise as a passenger since there were loads of nice things onboard.
“You’re so first contract!” Denise answered from the pool by the Spa where she had just turned on the wave machine and jumped in for a swim. “I couldn’t be a passenger anytime soon. Maybe in a few years, when I forget what it feels like to be working onboard. For the moment I wouldn’t mind a beach in Thailand.”
“That would be good too.” Sofia smirked as Denise splashed her with cold water from the pool.
“This is fun. I don’t know why I don’t come here more. Come and join me.”
Sofia dropped her book and went into the pool. The water was chilly but as soon as her body got used to the temperature it felt wonderful. Being a port day there were very few passengers onboard and the pools were almost empty, making the experience a lot more enjoyable.
After the swim they relaxed in the very hot water of the Jacuzzi. A girl wearing beige shorts and a green shirt with a pattern that reminded of a kitchen curtain stopped by with a tray and asked them if they would like a drink. They ordered iced coffees and the girl disappeared into the bar upstairs.
“Life is beautiful, isn’t it?” Sofia observed.
“Sometimes. When I don’t have to put up with Leah and Kate screwing up my happiness life onboard can be pretty great.”
“Unfortunately once in a while we have to put up with the black sheep. But at least people like them help us value the ones that deserve to be valued.”
“Very true. When I finish my contract I’m going to write each one of them a card saying ‘thank you very much for being a bitch, now I can really appreciate the people who are nice and kind’.” Denise replied.
Sofia laughed. “Sure. If you don’t plan to do another
contract that would be a great way to say goodbye.”
“I haven’t decided yet. Better hold my pen until I make up my mind.” Denise concluded.
The day was getting warmer and sunnier and it was a pity that it wouldn’t be possible to stay by the pool the rest of the afternoon. Denise took one last swim to refresh and returned to the Jacuzzi.
“You know what I was thinking?”
Her friend nodded negatively. “Reading minds is not one of my many talents.”
“Sex. I never had sex in a Jacuzzi.” Denise observed.
“Please let me know if you do it so I won’t be here until they drain the water and replace it.” Sofia replied, making her laugh with her disgusted expression.
“I don’t think I’ll risk that. This place is too exposed.”
“What was the craziest place where you ever had sex onboard?” Sofia asked.
Denise gave it a thought but the answer came quick. “You know that area above the disco, just by the chimney of the ship, where they have the logo? On my first contract I was seeing an engineer for a brief period of time and he took me there. It’s a reserved area. Only engineers have the codes for the doors. We were in Alaska and it was a really cold night. But the moon was high and the view of the mountains covered in snow under the moonlight was stunning. We got a couple of deck blankets and had sex right there, above Stardust Disco. It was amazing, the contrast of the heath from our bodies with the cold from outside. Quite an experience, I must say.”
Sofia put her glass by the wooden side and glanced at her friend. “You naughty little thing! And I was thinking you never broke any rules. You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”
“Yes, no one can say I’m boring. But these days I’ve been avoiding things that might make me lose my job. You know, I’m getting older now, need to be responsible…” She joked.
They looked at the white clock on the wall. In half an hour it was time to go back to work. Reality called them back.
In the quiet of the back office, Denise read the comments and tried to make a mental statistic of how many complaints they were going to receive before the end of the cruise. It was impossible to tell. Passengers were already noticing the Eagles and the first comments were not good. That wasn’t a surprise.
Her eyes ran slowly through the file. She pulled her hair back and took off her glasses for a moment, her eyes burning from the bright light.
“I don’t want to be here.” She muttered, her voice bleak. She dialed the crew office number. A familiar voice answered, but that wasn’t the answer she was looking for.
“Hi Benjie. Denise here. Is Diego around?”
“Hi Denise. Sorry honey, he’s out somewhere with Amy. They’re sorting something out with Tania. You might find him in the back office on deck 5.”
“Thanks.” She hung up slightly disappointed. It was not like she had anything that important to tell him, but it would have been nice to hear his voice. She thought about the real world outside, disgruntled. In the real world people had cell phones with signal and could text or leave voicemails.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Nick, who’s expression didn’t include the traditional mocking grin and that was something to worry about.
“Tell me everything.” Denise asked politely and in a low tone.
“There is a guy in the front demanding to speak to a supervisor. He’s very upset.”
“I think I know what this is about but brief me anyway.”
Nick nodded. “His eight year old son just saw two man holding hands and cuddling on deck 7 and when the kid started asking questions the father went ballistic.”
“Figures.” She replied understandingly and prepared her mind for whatever was coming her way. At least she wasn’t being caught by surprise. She had been told before the cruise started that it was going to be a difficult one.
Denise didn’t manage to get a hold of her boyfriend for the rest of the day and when she went to the officer’s mess for dinner he wasn’t there. She looked briefly at the dark wooden door that lead into the wardroom and changed her mind about taking a peak. He would turn up eventually.
She returned to her cabin feeling very tired and planing on reading one of her magazines and relax, since Diego was probably going to take a good while to get out of the wardie, as he usually did. It could be a good thing to have a bit of silence, a nice quiet time with soft music and girly stuff.
She inserted the key card on her door and as soon as it opened, she looked in with surprise.
“That cow, that bitch, that poor excuse of a woman…” Ignoring her presence, Diego went on with a list of names that would have been embarrassing for the ears of most sensitive people.
“Diego, you kind of sound like… me. What’s going on?” Denise interrupted his epiphany.
He glanced at her quickly. “Yeah, you whine a lot.”
“That doesn’t answer my question. Who are you talking about and what did she do to deserve all those adjectives?”
“Amy.” He said coldly.
“Amy?!” Denise asked dumbfounded. “No way!”
“Not the crew office Amy, my ex-girlfriend Amy.”
She stared at him, completely confused. “O-oh.” She stuttered.
Before she asked anything else he decided to explain. Diego was siting in the corner of the bed looking straight ahead in the direction of the black TV screen.
“She’s going to marry the engineer.” He said sounding more sad than mad, which was a bad sign. “I saw it on her facebook page.”
“And that is a problem for you because…”
“I didn’t want it to work for them. I wanted them to have a fight and break up so that she could see she was wrong.” He explained, too worried about himself to think about her feelings.
Denise stared in disbelief, unable to move, trying to digest his words. It took a minute or two of uncomfortable silence before she could wrap her mind around it.
“So, you are saying to your current girlfriend that you’re that upset because your ex who, by the way, dumped you for another guy, is going to marry that guy. Did I get that right?”
“I’m sorry.” He replied humbly.
“Hum-m. That’s very… interesting.” She muttered, trying to create a list of adjectives in her mind that could beat his.
“I shouldn’t have told you that.” He concluded a little too late.
“And what if you didn’t tell me, would that change how you feel?”
“No, of course not.”
“In that case I prefer to know the truth. I am a prone for masochism but I still like to know where the beat is coming from.” She chided.
He started feeling angry. He didn’t think she was being fair. “I would never beat you.”
“Maybe not literaly.”
“Sorry but I don’t understand where this conversation is going.”
“Understanding is not quite your strong point.” And then she turned around and slammed the door shut behind her leaving him alone in the cabin to think about his issues.
She went to the amidships and banged furiously on Sofia’s door, ignoring the curious stares of a cleaner in the corner.
“Hey. What’s going on?” Her friend looked intently at her blushed face.
Denise stormed inside and dropped loudly on the chair by the porthole. “He’s a jackass!”
“Who?” Sofia asked after closing the door to leave the cleaner out of the conversation.
“Diego.”
“I already knew that. What’s the drama?”
She told her the entire story and the doctor listened very patiently.
“Denise, you need to break up with him. Your relationship is toxic. It’s poisoning you.” She advised.
“Absolutely not.” She answered immediately.
“Why?”
“Because I love him.”
Sofia nodded desperately. “And it seems like he loves you back.”
“No, he doesn’t.” Denise obviously didn’
t get the irony.
“Precisely.”
“But I do love him.”
Sofia reached for the phone and called a number that her friend could only see started with four. She asked for someone to come to her cabin and put the headset back.
“Who did you call?” Denise asked suspicious.
“You’ll see.”
Someone knocked on the door an instant later. Diego came in with an unhappy face.
The doctor’s eyes scrolled between the two of them. “All right, you two talk, fight, make up or do whatever it takes but fix your personal mess now. I’m going to the crew bar and when I come back you will either be in your respective cabins or in Diego’s cabin together. Just make sure you reach some sort of conclusion. The passengers already drained out my patience today.” She ordered with a twinge of authority and left them alone.
At that point Denise was fighting the tears and trying to be strong.
“I guess that means you are still mad at me.” He assumed.
“How could I not be after listening to you nearly confessing you still have feelings for your ex?”
“That’s not what I was saying.”
“Really? You must think I’m beyond stupid.”
“I told you I was upset because she’s marrying the guy, not that I still have feelings for her.”
Denise felt her body stiffen on the chair. “And?”
He snorted. “I am upset because I always had this fantasy that something would go wrong with and then she would come back and admit she had made a bad choice. And I would very happily tell her I didn’t want her back and that I deserve better. That would make it fair. I don’t have feelings for her anymore. I just wanted a chance to make her feel what I felt: rejection. I know it’s stupid and childish and I’m sorry that I told you.”
She stared at him puzzled. “I don’t understand.” Her voice was broken.
You will soon, and I’m even more sorry for that. He thought without saying the words. “Denise, this was about my pride. Now could you please stop being upset at me and come back to our room. I don’t like to see you like that. Let’s forget about it, all right?”
She kept staring at him without a word and when nothing was thrown his way he started worrying. Maybe he had pushed too hard this time.
For his relief she wrote a note for Sofia thanking her and returned with him to his cabin in silence.
After he got into bed and turned out the lights Denise tuned around from looking at the wall and hugged him in the dark.
He sighed, feeling a heavy weight getting out of his chest and kissed her tenderly. She kissed him back without saying a word and closed her eyes but she didn’t sleep for a long time. Denise hated herself for being too weak to let go of him. She wanted to be stronger and have Diego out of her life but she couldn’t do it. She felt tears running down her face and soaking the pillow and she was glad he was asleep because even if she explained, he would never be able to understand the way she was feeling.