And in my dreams I saw Metaxas escort me to the palace of the Ducases, and introduce me to my multi-great-grandfather Leo, who said serenely, “This is my wife Pulcheria,” and in my dream it seemed to me that she was the loveliest woman I had ever seen.
37.
I had my first troublesome moment as a Courier on my next tour. Because I was too proud to call in the Time Patrol for help, I got myself involved in the Paradox of Duplication and also caught a taste of the Paradox of Transit Displacement. But I think I came out of it looking pretty good.
I was escorting nine tourists through the arrival of the First Crusade in Byzantium when the mess happened.
“In 1095,” I told my people, “Pope Urban II called for the liberation of the Holy Land from the Saracens. Very shortly, the knights of Europe began to enroll in the Crusade. Among those who welcomed such a war of liberation was Emperor Alexius of Byzantium, who saw in it a way of regaining the territories in the Near East that Byzantium had lost to the Turks and the Arabs. Alexius sent word that he wouldn’t mind getting a few hundred experienced knights to help him clean the infidels out. But he got a good deal more than that, as we’ll see in a moment, down the line in 1096.”
We shunted to August 1, 1096.
Ascending the walls of Constantinople, we peered out into the countryside and saw it full of troops: not mailed knights but a raggle-taggle band of tattered peasants.
“This,” I said, “is the People’s Crusade. While the professional soldiers were working out the logistics of their march, a scrawny, foul-smelling little charismatic named Peter the Hermit rounded up thousands of paupers and farmers and led them across Europe to Byzantium. They looted and pillaged along the way, cleaned out the harvest of half of Europe, and burned Belgrade in a dispute with the Byzantine administrators. But finally they got here, 30,000 of them.”
“Which one is Peter the Hermit?” asked the most obstreperous member of the group, a full-blown, fortyish bachelor lady from Des Moines named Marge Hefferin.
I checked the time. “You’ll see him in another minute and a half. Alexius has sent a couple of officials to invite Peter to court. He wants Peter and his rabble to wait in Constantinople until the knights and barons get here, since these people will get slaughtered by the Turks if they go over into Asia Minor without a military escort. Look: there’s Peter now.”
Two dandified Byzantine grandees emerged from the mob, obviously holding their breath and looking as though they’d like to hold their noses too. Between them marched a scruffy, barefoot, rag-clad, filthy, long-chinned, gnomish man with blazing eyes and a pock-marked face.
“Peter the Hermit,” I said, “on his way to see the emperor.”
We shunted forward three days. The People’s Crusade was inside Constantinople and playing hell with Alexius’ city. A good many buildings were aflame. Ten Crusaders were atop one of the churches, stripping the lead from its roof for resale. A highborn-looking Byzantine woman emerged from Haghia Sophia and was stripped bare and raped by a pack of Peter’s pious pilgrims before our eyes.
I said, “Alexius has miscalculated by letting this riffraff into the city. Now he’s making arrangements to get them out the other side, by offering free ferry service across the Bosphorus to Asia. On August 6 they’ll start on their way. The Crusaders will begin by massacring the Byzantine settlements in western Asia Minor; then they’ll attack the Turks and be wiped out almost completely. If we had time, I’d take you down to 1097 and across to see the mountain of bones along the road. That’s what happened to the People’s Crusade. However, the pros are on their way, so let’s watch them.”
I explained about the four armies of Crusaders: the army of Raymond of Toulouse, the army of Duke Robert of Normandy, the army of Bohemond and Tancred, and the army of Godfrey of Bouillon, Eustace of Boulogne, and Baldwin of Lorraine. Some of my people had read up on their Crusader history and nodded in recognition of the names.
We shunted to the final week of 1096. “Alexius,” I said, “has learned his lesson from the People’s Crusade. He doesn’t plan to let the real Crusaders linger long in Constantinople. They all have to pass through Byzantium on their way to the Holy Land, but he’s going to hustle them through in a hurry, and he’ll make their leaders swear allegiance to him before he admits them.”
We watched the army of Godfrey of Bouillon pitch camp outside the walls of Constantinople. We observed the envoys going back and forth, Alexius requesting the oath of allegiance, Godfrey refusing. With careful editing I covered four months in less than an hour, showing how mistrust and enmity were building up between the Christian Crusaders and the Christian Byzantines who were supposed to collaborate in the liberation of the Holy Land. Godfrey still refused to swear allegiance; Alexius not only kept the Crusaders sealed out of Constantinople, but now was blockading their camp, hoping to starve them into going away. Baldwin of Lorraine began to raid the suburbs; Godfrey captured a platoon of Byzantine soldiers and put them to death in view of the city walls. And on April 2 the Crusaders began to lay siege to the city.
“Observe how easily the Byzantines drive them off,” I said. “Alexius, losing patience, has sent his best troops into battle. The Crusaders, not yet accustomed to fighting together, flee. On Easter Sunday, Godfrey and Baldwin submit, and swear allegiance to Alexius. All now is well. The emperor will give a banquet for the Crusaders in Constantinople, and then swiftly will ship them across the Bosphorus. More Crusaders, he knows, will arrive in a few days—the army of Bohemond and Tancred.”
Marge Hefferin emitted a little gasping squeak at the sound of those names. I should have been warned.
We skipped forward to April 10 for a look at the next batch of Crusaders. Thousands of soldiers again camped outside Constantinople. They strolled around arrogantly in chain mail and surcoats, and playfully swatted each other with swords or maces when things got dull.
“Which one is Bohemond?” asked Marge Hefferin.
I scanned the field. “There,” I said.
“Ooooh.”
He was impressive. About two meters tall, a giant for his times, head and shoulders above everyone else around him. Broad shoulders, deep chest, close-cropped hair. Strangely white of skin. Swaggering posture. A grim customer, tough and savage.
He was cleverer than the other leaders, too. Instead of quarreling with Alexius over the business of swearing allegiance, Bohemond gave in immediately. Oaths, to him, were only words, and it was foolish to waste time bickering with the Byzantines when there were empires to be won in Asia. So Bohemond got quick entry to Constantinople. I took my people to the gate where he’d be passing into the city, so they could have a close look at him. A mistake.
The Crusaders came striding grandly in on foot, six abreast.
When Bohemond appeared, Marge Hefferin broke from the group. She ripped open her tunic and let her big pale breasts bobble into the open. An advertisement, I suppose.
She rushed toward Bohemond, squealing, “Bohemond, Bohemond, I love you, I’ve always loved you, Bohemond! Take me! Make me your slave, beloved!” And other words to that effect.
Bohemond turned and peered at her in bewilderment. I guess the sight of a hefty, shrieking, half-naked female running wildly in his direction must have puzzled him. But Marge didn’t get within five meters of him.
A knight just in front of Bohemond, deciding that an assassination plot was unfolding, pulled out his dagger and jammed it right between Marge’s big breasts. The impact halted her mad charge, and she staggered back, frowning. Blood burbled from her lips. As she toppled, another knight swung at her with a broadsword and just about cut her in half at the waist. Entrails went spilling all over the pavement.
The whole thing took about fifteen seconds. I had no chance to move. I stood aghast, realizing that my career as a Time Courier might just have come to an end. Losing a tourist is about the worst thing a Courier can do, short of committing timecrime itself.
I had to act quickly.
I said t
o my tourists, “Don’t any of you move from the spot! That’s an order!”
It wasn’t likely that they’d disobey. They were huddled together in hysteria, sobbing and puking and shivering. The shock alone would hold them in place for a few minutes—more time than I’d need.
I set my timer for a two-minute jump up the line and shunted fast.
Instantly I found myself standing right behind myself. There I was, big ears and all, watching Bohemond saunter up the street. My tourists were standing on both sides of me. Marge Hefferin, breathing hard, rearing up on tiptoes for a better view of her idol, was already starting to undo her tunic.
I moved into position in back of her.
Just as she made the first movement toward the street, my hands shot out. I clamped my left hand on her ass and got the right hand on her breast and hissed in her ear, “Stay where you are or you’ll be sorriest.”
She squirmed and twisted. I dug my fingertips deep into the meat of her quivering rump and hung on. She writhed around to see who her attacker was, saw it was me, and stared in amazement at the other me a few paces to her left. All the fight went out of her. She sagged, and I whispered another reminder for her to stay put, and then Bohemond was past us and well up the street.
I released her, set my timer, and shunted down the line by sixty seconds.
My net absence from my tourists had been less than a minute. I half expected to find them still gagging and retching over the bloody smiting of Marge Hefferin. But the editing had succeeded. There was no corpse in the street now. No intestines were spilled beneath the boots of the marching Crusaders. Marge stood with the group, shaking her head in confusion and rubbing her backside. Her tunic still hung open and I could see the red imprints of my fingers on the soft globe of her right breast.
Did any of them suspect what had happened? No. No. Not even a phantom memory. My tourists did not experience the Paradox of Transit Displacement, for they had not made the jump-within-a-jump that I had; and so only I remembered what now was gone from their minds, could recall clearly the bloody event that I had transformed into a nonevent.
“Down the line!” I yelled, and shunted them all into 1098.
The street was quiet. The Crusaders were long since gone, and at the moment were hung up in Syria at the siege of Antioch. It was dusk on a sticky summer day and there were no witnesses to our sudden arrival.
Marge was the only one who realized that something funny had gone on; the others had not seen anything unusual occurring, but she clearly knew that an extra Jud Elliott had materialized behind her and prevented her from rushing out into the street.
“What the hell do you think you were doing?” I asked her. “You were about to run out into the street and throw yourself at Bohemond, weren’t you?”
“I couldn’t help it. It was a sudden compulsion. I’ve always loved Bohemond, don’t you see? He’s been my hero, my god—I’ve read every word anyone’s written about him—and then there he was, right in front of me—”
“Let me tell you how events really unfolded,” I said, and described the way she had been killed. Then I told her how I had edited the past, how I had pinched the episode of her death into a parallel line. I said, “I want you to know that the only reason I got you unkilled was to save my own job. It looks bad for a Courier if he can’t keep control of his people. Otherwise I’d have been happy to leave you disemboweled. Didn’t I tell you a million times never to break from cover?”
I warned her to forget every shred of my admission that I had changed events to save her life.
“The next time you disobey me in any way, though,” I told her, “I’ll—”
I was going to say that I’d ram her head up her tail and make a Moebius strip out of her. Then I realized that a Courier can’t talk to a client that way, no matter what the provocation.
“—cancel your tour and send you down the line to now-time immediately, you hear me?”
“I won’t ever try that again,” she murmured. “I swear it. You know, now that you’ve told me about it, I can almost feel it happening. That dagger going into me—”
“It never happened.”
“It never happened,” she said doubtfully.
“Put some conviction into it. It never happened.”
“It never happened,” she repeated. “But I can almost feel it!”
38.
We all spent the night in an inn in 1098. Feeling tense and stale after so much delicate work, I decided to jump down to 1105, while my people slept, and drop in on Metaxas. I didn’t even know if he’d be at his villa, but it was worth the try. I needed desperately to unwind.
I calibrated the timing with care.
Metaxas’ last layoff had begun in early November, 2059, and he had jumped to mid-August, 1105. I figured he had spent ten or twelve days there. That schedule would have returned him to 2059 toward the end of November; and then, assuming he had taken out a group on a two-week tour, he’d have been able to get back to his villa by September 15 or so, 1105.
I played it safe and shunted down to September 20.
Now I had to find a way to get to his villa.
It is one of the oddities of the era of the Benchley Effect that I would find it easier to jump across seven years of time than to get myself a few dozen kilometers into the Byzantine countryside. But I did have that problem. I had no access to a chariot, and there aren’t any cabs for hire in the twelfth century.
Walk? Ridiculous idea!
I contemplated heading for the nearest inn and dangling bezants in front of freelance charioteers until I found one willing to make the trip to Metaxas’ place. As I considered this I heard a familiar voice yelling, “Herr Courier Elliott! Herr Courier Elliott!”
I turned. Scholar Magistrate Speer.
“Guten Tag, Herr Courier Elliott!” said Scholar Magistrate Speer.
“Guten—” I scowled, cut myself short, greeted him in a more Byzantine way. He smiled indulgently at my observance of the rules.
“I have a very successful visit been having,” he said. “Since last I enjoyed with you company, have I found the Thamyras of Sophocles and also the Melanippe of Euripides, and further a partial text of what I believe is the Archelaus of Euripides. And then there is besides the text of a play that is claiming to be of Aeschylus the Helios, of which there is in the records no reference for. So perhaps is a forgery or otherwise is maybe a new discovery, I will see which only upon reading. Eh? A good visit, eh, Herr Courier!”
“Splendid,” I said.
“And now I am returning to the villa of our friend Metaxas, just as soon as I complete a small purchase in this shop of spices. Would you accompany me?”
“You have wheels?” I asked.
“Was meinen Sie mit ‘wheels’?”
“Transportation. A chariot.”
“Naturlich! Over there. It waits for me, a chariot mit driver, from Metaxas.”
“Swell,” I said. “Take care of your business in the spice shop and then we can ride out to Metaxas’ place together, okay?”
The shop was dark and fragrant. In barrels, jugs, flasks, and baskets it displayed its wares: olives, nuts, dates, figs, raisins, pistachios, cheeses, and spices both ground and whole of many different sorts. Speer, apparently running some errand for Metaxas’ chef, selected a few items and pulled forth a purse of bezants to pay for them. While this was going on, an ornate chariot pulled up outside the shop and three figures dismounted and entered. One was a slavegirl—to carry the merchandise to the chariot, evidently. The second was a woman of mature years and simple dress—a duenna, I supposed, just the right kind of dragon to escort a Byzantine wife on a shopping expedition. The third person was the wife herself, obviously a woman of the very highest class making a tour of the town.
She was fantastically beautiful.
I knew at once that she was no more than seventeen. She had a supple, liquid Mediterranean beauty; her eyes were dark and large and glossy, with long lashes, and her skin was lig
ht olive in hue, and her lips were full and her nose aquiline, and her bearing was elegant and aristocratic. Her robes of white silk revealed the outlines of high, sumptuous breasts, curving flanks, voluptuous buttocks. She was all the women I had ever desired, united into one ideal form.
I stared at her without shame.
She stared back. Without shame.
Our eyes met and held, and a current of pure force passed between us, and I quivered as the full surge hit me. She smiled only on the left side of her mouth, quirking the lips in, revealing two glistening teeth. It was a smile of invitation, a smile of lust.
She nodded almost imperceptibly to me.
Then she turned away, and pointed to the bins, ordering this and this and this, and I continued to stare, until the duenna, noticing it, shot me a furious look of warning.
“Come,” Speer said impatiently. “The chariot is waiting—”
“Let it wait a little longer.”
I made him stay in the store with me until the three women had completed their transaction. I watched them leave, my eyes riveted to the subtle sway of my beloved’s silk-sheathed tail. Then I whirled and pounced on the proprietor of the shop, seizing his wrist and barking, “That woman! What’s her name?”
“Milord, I—that is—”
I flipped a gold piece to the counter. “Her name!”
“That is Pulcheria Ducas,” he gasped. “The wife of the well-known Leo Ducas, who—”
I groaned and rushed out of the store.
Her chariot clattered off toward the Golden Horn.
Speer emerged. “Are you in good health, Herr Courier Elliott?”
“I’m sick as a pig,” I muttered. “Pulcheria Ducas—that was Pulcheria Ducas—”
“And so?”
“I love her, Speer, can you understand that?”
Looking blankfaced, he said, “The chariot is ready.”
“Never mind. I’m not going with you. Give Metaxas my best regards.”
In anguish I ran down the street, aimlessly, my mind and my crotch inflamed with the vision of Pulcheria. I trembled. I streamed with sweat. I sobbed. Finally I came up against the wall of some church, and pressed my cheek to the cold stone, and touched my timer and shunted back to the tourists I had left sleeping in 1098.