“Always.”
I kissed her quickly and touched her cheek for just a second. Feeling her skin. It always seemed like the thing I wanted to remember most when I was in danger. The exact way her skin felt, so I found myself doing it every time I left her.
Love ya, Honey.
“I love you, too,” she answered softly.
I blurred to the stairs just as Jeff got there and we set off out the stairs and towards the carport/shed. The van is the Crandle fanatics van that they abandoned at the bridge when Calvin showed up with his fire fingers. It would be dangerous to take it, because if someone recognized us in it, but Cain has his truck and Lillian has the Jeep. Phillip stole Sherry’s Rabbit and Bobby’s van is in the river and Phillip’s El Camino only holds two people so... We’re kinda running out of options here.
The Gremlin it is.
Miguel and his crew came in this car. All five of them crammed and packed in together. We hop in, I drive and Jeff rides shotgun while frail Simon lounges sullenly in the backseat.
“We’ll find them Simon,” I say.
“I know. I just wish Cain would say something to me about this stuff. I didn’t even know anything was going on with Lillian and him. And she went to you instead of me but she knew I was Cain’s Keeper.” He shook his head. “I’m old. He doesn’t relate to me and doesn’t need nor want my help. He doesn’t tell me anything anymore.”
“Simon, come on. She just knows me is all because of Sherry. And I know it’s strange, but things are different. We’re all trying to pull back from our charges some. They don’t need us as much, not individually. We need to treat them all like our charges.”
“I know. I know all that. But it doesn’t make the buzzing go away now does it,” he snapped.
“I’m sorry. Simon. We’re all dealing. I know. It doesn’t feel right. It feels completely wrong to not watch our Specials like a hawk all day and night but we gotta pull through that. Find a distraction.”
“Not all us were lucky enough to jump into young handsome bodies. I’m sorry if I can’t have your enthusiasm,” he said almost bitterly.
I broke my own rule as I drove along the highway. I pushed into his mind. I knew he could tell right off because he would feel the fuzziness but he didn’t say a word.
He was genuinely worried about Cain. That didn’t surprise me. But he felt resentful. That surprised me. Resentful of me, Jeff, Kay, even Ryan, us more than any other Keepers.
We were all close, all had something he didn’t, all had something to offer Cain that he didn’t and were attached to humans here and he wasn’t and didn’t want to be. He just wanted to go home. And he hated the fact that he knew we wanted to stay. Had reasons to stay.
I looked at him in the mirror and didn’t see anger. I saw shame. He let me peek at his thoughts, knowing what I’d see but wanted me to know how he felt. I gave him a knowing nod. And glanced at Jeff. He’d seen too. He looked guilty and a little sick. I spoke forcefully in Jeff’s mind.
Hey. You didn’t do anything wrong. We’re all different just like humans are. We get to choose how we cope, how we handle things, how we live. He’s not judging you. He’ll be fine. He’s just worried and homesick.
He nodded. Then I spoke to Simon.
We can talk anytime you want. But I’ve spoken to Danny about this. About how hard it is for me to tamp down on my freak outs about him. He understood and tries to work with me on it. Cain would too if you’d talk to him. As for the rest, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to flaunt anything to you. I think you should try to enjoy what you can, while you can. We may not be going home at all brother. You know this. Content, remember? Be content.
I didn’t bother to tell him I had no intentions of going home at all now and doubted Jeff’s as well. His nod to me looked sincere. I focused back solely on the road and thought about all the ways I wanted to kick Cain’s rear for putting Lillian and me through this crap.
And Lillian, sweet Lillian, wasn’t much higher up on my crap list.
Who Your Friends Are
Chapter 33 - Lillian
Cain looked at Billings sharply.
“Is that right Billings? You’ve been playing me?”
Billings didn’t even look at him. He marched closer to the Lighter and me. Looking right past me to him.
“The girl too, she came later looking for him. She said there were others coming to help them. This could be that big cell we’ve been looking for out here, sir.”
“Billings! What- Why?” I asked, wanting to cry or hit him but too exhausted even try.
“I’m doing my job. I was always doing my job. I can act with the best of them to do what needs to be done. What? You thought you’d befriended an enforcer?” He chuckled to himself. “Now, why would I do that? I am not a rebel. I’m a patriot. Sir, what should we do with the traitors?”
“We’ll handle them here.”
Billings jolted still.
“But sir, per the amendment to the patriot act, we are to escort all rebels and anyone related to their activities into the nearest enforcement facility or law office for further processing.”
“And then what do they do with them Billings?” the Lighter asked menacingly.
“Well, after questioning, they are terminated, sir.”
“Ok. So we are only skipping a step. I assure you, you will be commended for your actions today enforcer, not punished. You take him and I’ll take this...pretty little creature to our new leader I think. He’s been on the lookout for fresh young things, although she is a bit dingy. Or maybe not. Maybe I’ll have a little fun with her first,” he moved my hair aside and brushed his cold fingers down my neck and I shuddered.
“You keep your hands off her or I swear to all I believe in I will kill you slowly,” Cain growled and took a step towards us.
I looked at him, trying to look brave. Shaking my head, begging him not to do anything stupid. He looked the most scary I’d ever seen him. Every inch the Marine I’d heard about. I believed every word he bit out too. He would kill or get himself killed trying to save me. I couldn’t live with that. I did the only thing I could think of.
“Yes,” I said. “Take me to him.”
“What?” I heard more than one but wasn’t sure who said it.
“I said take-”
“I heard you, human. What it this trickery?”
“No tricks. I’ll trade myself for Cain and I’ll go willingly if you’ll let him go, right now.”
“I don’t need you to trade. I can force you just as easily,” the Lighter said and I could feel his cold sweet breath on my neck.
“Yes. But I’ll do whatever you want. And I won’t tell anyone. You can have your way with me and then send me to the Taker and I’ll keep quiet. I promise. Just let him go.”
“Taker?” Billings asked. “What’s that.”
No one answered him. I knew I’d piqued the Lighter’s interest. I wondered if Lighters were interested in sex. I guess I had my answer. I knew the Taker wouldn’t stand for him messing with his girls before he got to them. At, least I’d hoped not. And now it seemed I had my answer to that too. Because this Lighter was considering my offer. And I wanted to vomit.
“Lillian, what are you doing?” Cain ground out in a growl, not sounding too happy with my proposition.
“Saving you. But this time, I actually get to.”
“Don’t,” he pleaded, looking into my eyes.
“I have to. You can help the others, I can’t. I’m useless.”
“Shut up! No more chatter!” the Lighter yelled and turned me to look at him.
I looked into his eyes wondering what he was gonna do. The Keepers had said that the Lighters compulsion didn’t work on us anymore. Only the Takers direct compulsion worked anymore on those of us who knew what they were. He searched my face, his eyes moving frantically and thoroughly.
“No tricks?” he asked.
I wanted to have a bluff up my sleeve. A plan of some sort but I was winging it and se
emed to have placed myself somewhere I couldn’t back down from. I shook my head reluctantly. He got the strangest look on his face. Almost like affection, and then he leaned forward and smelled my hair. I could hear Cain grunt and growl angrily behind me.
“I remember,” the Lighter said softly. “I remember that smell- this body remembers. Jasmine? That right?” He looked at me expectantly and I nodded again. “Mmm, this body has missed smelling a woman,” he said thoughtfully, like it surprised him.
I was speechless. I’d never heard a Lighter talk more than a sentence let alone have a conversation with one. Let alone talking about the smells of a woman. Freaky.
I couldn’t help but notice as he stared down into my eyes how young he was. His body was no more than twenty five. He had black hair, of course, and cut close. He had a little scar right above his left eye, on his forehead. Under different circumstances, I would have thought him really handsome.
“You remember what the last person in that body remembered?” I asked not being able to stop myself.
To my utter shock, he answered me calmly.
“Yes. Well, the body does. It reacts to your shampoo. Someone used to wear that scent and the body remembers smelling that smell, and liking it. And your eyes, I’ve seen that color somewhere before. Also,” he touched my hair gently and I gasp slightly as his fingers smoothed away the strays at my temple, “your hair. The body loves your hair.”
What the-
He wasn’t even talking like, sexually, anymore. He was just talking. Calmly, like it was meaningful and surprising. I had no idea what to do. Cain must have been just as freaked because he stayed silent. The Lighter looked into my eyes and though they were still black and dark, I swear I could see emotion. Not just emotion, but regret.
I bit my lip. I did not want to feel sorry for a Lighter. He spoke again, holding my gaze.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me. I feel like... like I couldn’t hurt you, even if I wanted to. I feel like, I don’t want to. I don’t understand.”
He looked so stricken. I knew he wasn’t faking. I remember Merrick and Jeff talking about this. About how the Taker makes them weak because he’s human and it compiles on top of the human emotions they are already fighting because of the human bodies they are in. I remember Piper going off the deep end because of her human emotions. What if...
What if they could be saved? Changed?
“What’s your name? Do you have one?”
“Lillian,” Cain hissed at me, I ignored him.
“I am called Daniel. You are Lillian?” he asked softly and seemed surprised by my question as much as Cain was.
He still had his cold hands on my upper arms, holding me in place but his grip was loose.
“Yes. What are you gonna do with us, Daniel?”
“I-”
He was interrupted by a loud noise behind him. I realize I haven’t heard any Markers since we’d been up here. I wonder if the Lighters can control them. But I don’t ponder that long. Daniel, turns with me still with him and pales, more than a Lighter can, already with their pale skin.
He doesn’t turn me around but I glance over my shoulder to see what he sees. Another Lighter. He is standing on one of the burnt car hoods and watching Daniel and the rest of us with dark careful eyes.
“Need any help?” he asks happily.
“No, the enforcer and I have everything under control,” Daniel answers briskly.
Billings steps up beside us.
“Yes, sir. We’ve got it,” he said though after everything that just happened he doesn’t seem so sure.
“What? Hogging all the fun for yourselves? That’s not nice. We haven’t had any bust in a few days now. Come on, let me take the girl. You two can take the man.”
I heard crunching and squeaking. He was climbing down the car hood and then a thud as he jumped into the dirt behind me.
Daniel pulled me behind him, leaving his arm around me to make me stay and I gasp at the notion. He’s trying to protect me? I look back at Cain.
He is grimacing and shakes his head at me, looking way too strung and wired, meaning he has no idea what’s going on either.
“What’s going on here?” the new Lighter asks with an accusing tone. “What are you doing out here with these rebels?”
“Sir, we told you-” Billings started.
“Silence. I’m talking to you.” He pointed at Daniel.
“Are you...are you attempting to keep her from me?” He laughed as he spoke the words.
“Just go.”
“How can you do this? What’s happened to you?”
“Just leave us, we’ll handle this,” Daniel commanded calmly.
“Not. A. Chance.”
I peeked over Daniels shoulder again to see the new Lighter smiling and looking very much like he had found the fun he was looking for. What was Daniel gonna do? What was Billings gonna do, turn Daniel in for growing a minutes worth of conscience?
“Alright then. I’ll give you your fight,” Daniel said and turned quickly pushing me towards Billings. “Run!”
Billings caught me as I stumbled just as I heard the smack of skin on skin and turned to see Daniel locked in a blur of a fight with the other Lighter. I looked up at Billings and he looked shocked, watching the scene with me, then he shrugged.
“Take your miracles where you find ‘em kid.”
He towed me over to Cain, who met us halfway and snatched me from Billings like he was a viper. And, in a way, he was. I’d almost forgotten Billings had betrayed us. Cain pulled me behind him and started to back away, to where I didn’t know.
“Hey now. I’m still on your side,” Billings said with hands raised in surrender.
“Oh yeah? It didn’t look that way to me.”
“What was I supposed to do? I was trying to think. Buy us some time. I had on my uniform, it’s not like he wouldn’t wonder what I was doing with you.”
“I don’t buy it.”
“Neither do I,” the new Lighter said as he picked up Billings from behind and threw him like a sack of dirty laundry towards the ditch.
Billings rolled down into it and we couldn’t see him anymore. I glanced around and didn’t see Daniel anywhere. He caught us then tried to save me then deserted us? I’m so confused.
“Now. Give me the girl and I’ll let you die quickly.”
“Yeah? That’s what you all say,” Cain answered.
I could hear Billings grunting as he tried to climb back out of the ditch. I grabbed Cain’s hand and squeezed. If nothing else, it’s the last thing I wanted to touch before I died. He squeezed back.
“Ooooh. Smart-alec. You are going to be fun,” the Lighter said and laughed, then lunged for us just as something blurred right in front of us, making the Lighter falter his steps.
“Hey!” Billings yelled as he chucked another piece of wood from the ditch at the Lighter, hitting him in the arm. “I’m an enforcer gone rogue. A rebel now. Wouldn’t you love to take me downtown for questioning?”
“Fool. You have made a mistake like nothing you-”
He was cut off by another blur. Daniel punched him in the chest and when the Lighter landed in the dirt, skidding and sliding from the force, Daniel jumped high into the air, coming down in a cloud of dust as he knelt in a fluid motion and drove a blackened crowbar right through the chest of the other Lighter.
I felt the cold rush of wind. I saw the bolt of lightning shoot into the sky from his chest and I screamed, having never been close enough to see one die before. To see anything die before. Cain turned and hugged me to his chest, burying my face in the crook of his neck so I couldn’t see as the Lighter turned to nothing. Which I knew he would. No traces of anything left.
It was quiet for a few seconds, then I lifted my head to find Cain and Daniel with locked gazes, staring across the five feet of dirt between them.
I started to move toward him and Cain tightened his grip. Before he could speak I spoke.
“He saved u
s Cain. He saved me. Let go,” I whispered.
He did but looked none too pleased with the idea.
“Daniel, are you alright?” I asked as I inched forward
“I am fine. I feel...” He shook his head and let the crowbar fall to the dirt. “I shouldn’t feel anything at all. I feel badly for killing my brother. But I couldn’t let him hurt you.” He looked around the cars and rubble then back to me. “You need to leave, others will come. I can’t fight them all,” he said in a rush.
I walked right up to stand in front of him.
“Why? Why didn’t you want him to hurt me?”
He looked puzzled and conflicted. He thought for a second then took a breath.
“You made me feel. You make me want to want to be something different than what I am. I don’t know if that’s possible. But I couldn’t let him take that from me. And...I felt it would hurt me to watch you in pain.”
“Come with us.”
I just blurted it out and heard Cain’s aggravated noises behind me.
“Lillian. I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Cain said slowly.
“Cain he saved out lives! He says he wants to be different.”
“Your Cain is right,” Daniel said never taking his eyes off me. “I cannot come with you. First, this feeling may leave when you aren’t here to produce the feelings for me.”
“I don’t believe that-”
“Second. Your people will not accept me. No matter what I may want to be, I am what I am. That, I can not change.”
He looked so sad I grabbed his hand in between us where Cain couldn’t see. Daniel looked down at our hands and moved his thumb back and forth over my skin in an exploration more than a caress. He was frowning like trying to figure something out.
“I’ll help you. I’ll talk to them. We’ll figure it out. What are you gonna do? Just go back to the Lighters and pretend none of this happened?”
“I do not know what I am to do. I suppose, no, I can not go back after what I’ve done.”