My hands trembled upon the car door. The strength in my fingers seemed incapable of performing the simplest task. A laugh manifested itself from somewhere deep in my chest, escaping my sealed lips to reveal itself. It was irony or torture that played in the depths of my uncontrollable laughter. Tears rushed from my eyes, and I felt a moment from breaking down. I took deep breaths in between the laughter and tears to calm myself.
The police station was just outside and I realized that I didn’t have a plan for who would take my car once I turned myself in. This was the second time I had done the supposed right thing. This time it didn’t feel like the right thing.
Kira had begged me not to go. She said that Mark had forgiven me and that I should forgive myself. He was a better man than I was. I knew it. I felt it. I couldn’t forgive myself. I waited five grueling years to hold Kira again; to see my long lost friends. She was more beautiful than I could have possibly remembered. I don’t know what happened to them in captivity and I didn’t want to know but Kira cried the first couple of nights. I didn’t know if it was because of how happy she was to be free with me or because of the things he had done to her. Regardless of the reason, I knew that she needed me more than ever to help her through it.
A moment changed my life, but Mr. Smith gave me the torture of prolonging my judgment, giving the mind time to dwell, giving the heart time to hurt, and giving the soul time to forget. It was the most painful thing I had ever done leaving her love and warm embrace. I killed a man’s daughter. I drove off, leaving a little girl named Sally there to die because of my love for Kira. Leaving a daughter dead and a father empty. There was no forgiveness in the world and life never works out the way you think it will. With that, I opened the car door and walked into the police station.
The station was barren. A robotic AI officer with androgynous human traits sat behind a desk with a smile on its face. “Welcome to the New York City police department, how may I help you?” the robot said.
“I’d like to turn myself in for the hit and run resulting in the death of eight year old Sally Boggs,” I said.
“Yes sir, please place your hand on the desk so we can verify your identity,” the robot said.
A human would have reacted with emotion once I announced that I killed an eight-year-old little girl. Guns would be drawn and I doubted I would be standing. It was a little more civil but right now I wanted the pain to let me know that I was scum. I wanted a knee lodged into my back and a gun pressed against my temple.
I placed my palm on the table and the robot reacted in turn. “Thank you sir. We the state of New York find you not guilty for the death of Sally Boggs.”
“What?” I said in a daze.
“Yes sir, the felon responsible for the death of Sally Boggs is New York City resident Samuel Smith, now deceased,” the AI officer stated. Samuel Smith, Mr. Smith? I thought to myself. Anger flooded my senses.
“That’s impossible, I did it!” I yelled slamming my palms on the desk. “Arrest me. Throw me in jail. Lock me away for life.” I couldn’t shake the guilt from my mind.
“Sorry sir, we have one hundred percent confirmation of suspect, thank you and have a good day,” the robot said. Then it disappeared into the floor along with the desk and I was left in an empty room with nothing to scream at or kick.
A message popped up on my VEG Jackers that very instant stating the following:
EVO,
Forgiveness is impossible to accept if we haven’t forgiven ourselves. We are bound by the choices we make and I can’t begin to imagine what you or Mark have gone through in the last five years. I do know that we all make mistakes. We show character by how we deal with those mistakes. Everyone deserves a second chance no matter what wrong they have committed. Love yourself as I love you and Kira loves you. Go back to your friends and commit to healing them. They need you now as I once did. You are a good man. Live your life. Forgive yourself as Mark and I have forgiven you.
Love,
Silvia.
She had erased my case and framed Mr. Smith. Her control of the world went beyond what I thought imaginable. A bit of weight felt as though it was lifted from my chest. I felt guilty for feeling excited to go home to Kira but it was only natural after how long we had been apart. My hands were still shaking though. Time, I would just need time. I stepped out in the sunlight. I stepped back out into the world.