And after I came, I planned to ride him until he went cross-eyed.
As I settled above his head, he reached up and grasped my hips. I looked down, my eyes meeting his, our gazes locked as he pulled me down onto his mouth. I shuddered at the first touch of his tongue and then moaned. My hips rocked back and forth, adding to the delicious sensations of his lips and tongue moving across my sensitive skin. I gripped the headboard hard enough to turn my knuckles white, my head falling back so that my hair brushed against his stomach. His fingers dug into my hips hard enough to bruise, but nothing could detract from the incredible pleasure he gave me.
“Dax!” I cried out his name as my climax burst over me. Little whimpers followed as he used his mouth to draw out every last possible moment of ecstasy.
My hands dropped, and he eased me down his body. His skin was slick with sweat and my own arousal, the light dusting of hair rough against my pussy and nipples. I rested my head on his chest, his cock hard and hot against my ass. I fully intended to appreciate that long, thick shaft.
Once I recovered enough to move.
Chapter Seven
Dax
Having Bryne ride my face was one of the hottest moments of my life. Feeling her come apart, watching the open abandon of her face and body. Tasting her on my tongue and lips, knowing I was the reason for every sound.
I almost came right then.
The only thing that stopped me was knowing that I wanted to be inside her when I lost control. If it hadn't been for the fact that I knew I'd reopen my side, I would've picked her up and put her on my cock myself. I couldn't do it though, not without hurting myself again, and that was all that kept me in check. She never would've let me keep having sex if I hurt myself again.
Bryne pushed herself up, her hands flat on my chest as she gave me a great view of her amazing tits. Her nipples were hard and tight, and I leaned up to flick my tongue over one of them. Damn, she tasted delicious.
“We still good?” She reached behind her and wrapped her hand around my cock. “Or do I need to–”
“We're good.” My voice was hoarse, and when she gave me a firm stroke, I growled a warning, “Bryne.”
She smiled down at me as she used the hand on my chest for balance while she positioned me right where I needed to be. She lowered herself slowly, taking me inch by inch, each one the best kind of torture. Some men only ever wanted to go fast, to drive themselves into a woman until they found release, and while that had its own sort of reward, I also understood that there was something to be said for going at a more leisurely pace.
By the time I was completely inside her wet heat, her walls squeezing me tight, I'd dropped my hands from her hips to fist in my blanket, not trusting myself not to hurt her unintentionally.
“Just lie back and enjoy the ride.”
The grin she gave me was nothing short of wicked, but then she started to move, and I realized she was wicked. The most decadent sexual being I'd ever met, but not because she was experienced, or flirty, or anything like that. It was because she was open about all of it. She gave herself over to the sensations.
To me.
And that was what made me never want anyone else to have her, to see this part of her. To know what it was to have her completely and utterly vulnerable with her body...and her heart.
“Touch me,” she gasped. “Please, Dax. I need your hands on me.”
She didn't have to ask twice.
I reached for one breast, rubbing my thumb across her already hard nipple. My other hand moved to her stomach, below the bellybutton. As I watched my cock slide in and out of her, I pressed my thumb against her clit. Her entire body jerked when I touched it, making her breasts bounce.
“Damn, that's a gorgeous sight.” I pinched her nipple, and she cried out. “Come for me again, baby.”
She clenched around me. “You first.”
“Hell, no.”
I began to rub her clit harder, and she writhed on top of me. I'd danced with her before, and that was what it felt like we were doing now. The kind of dance no one but me had ever led.
“Come for me, baby.”
It should've been her pleading with me, begging me to let her come. She should have been the one on edge, the one so desperate for release that she felt like she'd explode if she had to wait one moment longer.
“I need you to come, baby.” It was supposed to be an order, but it sounded an awful lot like a plea. I didn't care though. I needed to see her get off before I could come too.
“Mmm...”
She moaned, her eyes closing, and her head falling back. Her hair brushed against my thighs, the feathery sensations making my stomach twist and my balls tighten. I wanted to get her on all fours, wrap my hand in her curls, and take her from behind. I wanted to see her hair spread out on my pillow while I made love to–
Shit. Made love? Where the hell had that come from?
I didn't make love. I fucked. Or I had sex. I didn't make love.
Except, as she came apart on my cock, I couldn't help but think that nothing I'd ever done before could compare to what I had with her, what I felt for her. And then I was coming too, every muscle in my body tensing, electricity coursing through me.
My arms wrapped around her automatically as she slumped down onto me. She rolled to the side almost immediately, but I went with her, not letting her go. I knew I had to think about things with her, that putting it off wasn't healthy, and that she deserved more than that, but right now, I just wanted to hold her.
I must've dozed on and off all night, but I knew I didn't actually sleep. Not like she did. I couldn't stop looking at her, feeling how perfectly she fit in my arms. I loved how, even after a long day rehearsing, she still smelled like that damn floral shampoo she used. I loved how she didn't even hesitate to fall asleep, even though she knew there was some serious shit going on, the kind that was dangerous. She still trusted me enough to make herself completely vulnerable.
I loved that about her.
It was about three o'clock in the morning when it finally hit me that I didn't just love those things about her.
I'd fallen in love with her.
Somewhere, between not wanting a relationship and trying to figure out what she meant to me, I'd fallen hard.
I didn't want anyone else. Not for sex. Not for literal sleeping. I didn't want to flirt and joke with anyone else. I wanted her to be the one in my bed and at my side. And I didn't want her to have anyone but me. I'd be her first and only lover. The only man who got to see her like this. The one who protected her and took care of her.
And it was that last sentiment that scared the hell out of me.
I'd always made all sorts of excuses when it came to why I didn't want to be in a relationship, but the first one was always that I'd never found someone I could see myself with long term.
Now I had.
But those other reasons hadn't changed. I still needed to take care of my mom. She had to be my priority.
Except she liked Bryne, and I knew Bryne would never ask me to choose her over my mother. So while that was technically something I needed to do, I didn't think I could use it as an excuse.
One of the other reasons I knew I could never be involved with someone, not for real, applied now more than ever though.
I was dangerous.
Who I was, what I did. The people I spent my time with. They weren't good people, weren't safe.
And that meant Bryne wasn't safe when she was with me.
I wanted to protect her, but as dawn came, I realized that I didn't know how to keep her and protect her at the same time.
Finally, I managed to get myself free and headed to the bathroom. I had to think of an excuse to get her out of the house without hurting her. I couldn't tell her what I realized about how I felt. I couldn't risk her not feeling the same way.
And I was equally as terrified that she would feel the same, that she'd fallen in love with me too. As much as some part of me wanted that, I kn
ew it wouldn't be good for her.
So I had to get her out without a confrontation. Without her finding out the truth.
I wrapped my towel around my waist, took a deep breath, and headed back into my bedroom. I thought about mud and baseball stats and hairy old men in thongs. Anything but the beautiful, naked woman in my bed.
“Morning.” She gave me a sleepy smile as the covers slipped down to expose one full breast.
My hand tightened on my towel. How the hell was I supposed to resist that?
“Morning.” I smiled at her, then walked over to my dresser. I turned my back on her as I rummaged through the drawers. I couldn't face her and still be strong enough to do this. “Hey, remember how I said my mom was over at a friend's?”
“Mm-hm.”
I really hoped she wasn't falling asleep, because if I touched her to wake her up, I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I'd have to kiss her, take her again. Lose myself in her until she was the only thing left.
“Well, her friend slipped on some ice, and my mom needs me to bring her some stuff.” The lie sounded even more lame out loud than it had in my head.
“Oh, that's awful.”
I heard the springs creak as Bryne shifted behind me.
“I can call one of the cars to take us straight over. Are they at the hospital?”
“No.” I shook my head as I pulled on a pair of jeans and hoped Bryne couldn't see that knowing she was naked behind me had me half-hard. “It wasn't that bad. Mom's friend had just been on her way to the grocery store when she fell so there's not a lot of food in the house.”
“That's no problem.” Bryne was moving around now. “I'll call for a car. It'll be a lot easier than trying to carry bags on the subway.”
“That's okay,” I said quickly. “I'm not sure if Mom will need me to do any other errands. You should head home. Or did you plan to meet Todd to rehearse today?” I hated bringing him into it even though I knew he wasn't interested in her romantically. I didn't want her spending the day with anyone but me, but I couldn't do it. “I'm sure you want to get some clean clothes and stuff before you two meet.”
There was a long moment of silence as I pulled on a hoodie.
“We hadn't made any plans,” she said slowly. “But I'm sure some extra practice time wouldn't hurt.”
“Right.” I turned toward her, keeping a smile on my face. “I know how much you want this to go well.”
Her smile didn't reach her eyes, and I knew she wasn't really buying into my lies. I clenched my hands into fists and reminded myself that this was the best for both of us.
“Want me to walk you down?”
A muscle in her jaw twitched, and she shook her head. “That's okay, Dax. I can show myself out. Tell your mom I said hi.”
And then she was gone.
Chapter Eight
Bryne
I didn't know why I thought things would be different just because he took me to his place. I thought it meant something because I knew he hadn't done it before, but now I wondered if his reasoning had been purely practical. He didn't like me paying for things, and he didn't have the money for a decent hotel, so when his mom was gone, he took advantage of having the place to himself.
He'd said all the right words to get me there though. He wanted me with him.
Tonight.
That'd been the entire statement. That he wanted me with him tonight. Not always, or in the future, or even today. Just that one night.
That's all it had ever been between us. One night. Even if there'd been more than one, we'd never made any promises or commitments to anything beyond that.
I should've listened more to what he'd actually said instead of reading into what I thought his actions were saying. I wouldn't have been so hurt when he essentially kicked me out of his house. I wasn't stupid, no matter how much my current actions suggested otherwise. I didn't for a minute believe that he was going to help his mom with their neighbor. He'd just been trying to get me gone.
I hadn't liked the way he left things the first time we'd slept together, but at least then, he'd been honest about it. We'd had fun, and that was all it’d been about. Now, it seemed like the more time we spent together, the more he lied to me.
He had my head and heart all twisted around, and I needed to talk to someone who could help me figure out what I should do. Even if Carrie was here, I probably wouldn't have gone to her about this. I knew what she'd say. Drop him and move on. Hell, it was what I would've told someone in my position. Except I needed someone who'd understand that common sense and logic rarely applied to the heart.
After taking a nice, long shower and eating breakfast – I was pretty sure frozen yogurt and strawberries counted as breakfast – I spent the rest of the morning thoroughly cleaning the entire loft. Carrie and Gavin had a cleaning service who came through twice a week, so there wasn't much to do, but it gave me the chance to keep busy.
And to make sure every last drop of blood was cleaned up. That wasn't exactly something I wanted to have to explain to a stranger when she came in to clean.
Unfortunately, it also gave my busy brain too much time to go through every minute of the time Dax and I had spent together, analyzing each word said, all of the things we'd done. That would've been fine with me if I could've come to any sort of resolution, but by the time I was sitting in the bathroom, trying to scrub the last of Dax's blood from between the tiles, I hadn't gotten anywhere new.
An inordinate amount of bleach later, things looked perfectly clean. When Gavin and Carrie came back tomorrow, the place would look perfect. I knew, however, that even bleach couldn't completely eliminate every trace of blood. While the bathroom was clean, if anyone decided to go over it with one of those special lights, the evidence would glow.
That's what it was like for me when it came to Dax. No matter how much I wanted to push him away, I could never completely get away from him. He'd always be a part of me.
I told myself that the smart thing to do would be to walk away. Tell him that it had been fun, but I needed to focus on my work. I couldn't have any distractions.
If I decided to date someone in the near future, it would be someone with far less baggage. Someone with similar goals and ideals. Whether casual or serious, I'd make sure we were on the same page and stayed there. Honesty and communication would be essential. None of this back-and-forth bullshit where I didn't even know if I was coming or going. If one of us wanted to move on, we'd say it. If we wanted to discuss changing our relationship, we'd talk about it.
Okay, maybe it was a bit naive of me to think that things could be like that, but I refused to believe that it had to be this way. I didn't accept deceit as a necessary part of a relationship...or whatever it was Dax and I had. Saying that it was none of my business, or that he just didn't want to tell me might've been rude, but at least it was the truth.
I'd seen how lies could destroy families, how my grandmother lying about Chauncey Manning had prevented my mother from having a relationship with her half-brother for decades. How Chauncey's dishonesty with my grandmother had broken her heart. At least my mother's broken heart came from loving someone fully and having been loved in return. I'd never experienced either form of a broken heart, but I knew which one I would prefer.
I sighed as I climbed into the shower. I had no idea what I was doing. I was nineteen years old, and I'd never had a real relationship. Dax was the first man I'd ever had sex with. The first person I'd even kissed who I could call a man and not a boy. I hadn't just been a virgin when I met Dax. I'd been far more inexperienced than I ever wanted to believe. It was one thing to have all of these ideas in my head, but something completely different to try to put them into practice.
I needed to talk to someone who could give it to me straight without being too emotional about it. Someone who'd be honest about what they thought, but not bossy. Someone who could be comforting, but tough, and never condescending. Fortunately, the only person I could even consider calling could do all of
those things for me.
After assuring me that he and Hiram hadn't planned anything for the afternoon, Todd offered to meet me for a late lunch. I immediately agreed and made myself a mental note to buy both Todd and Hiram a gift to show my appreciation for everything. Maybe tickets to a concert or a show on Broadway. Something where they could have a night out on me.
I'd only gone a few blocks before I started to regret it. The weather had gone from crisp and cold, but sunny, to gray and dreary since I'd come in this morning, but I'd already decided to walk rather than call a ride. That stubborn streak my mother and grandparents had always warned me about kept me going anyway. I'd slogged through worse back in DC a time or two.
“I'm surprised you walked.”
A woman's voice caught me by surprise, and I stepped right into a pile of slush. Scowling, I turned to see a familiar face. Multiple piercings, light brown hair, and eyes as black as coal. Cleo was only two inches taller than me, her frame wiry, but I had no doubt that getting into a physical altercation with her was a bad idea. Aside from knowing that she probably fought dirty, I was pretty sure she had at least a knife or two on her.
That didn't mean I was going to keep my mouth shut though. “Do you just hang out in the park and harass people all day, or are you stalking me?”
She gave me one of those sneering grins that I'd gotten used to seeing on the debutants back in DC when they realized I wasn't like them. “Just lucky, I guess.”
I continued walking, frowning as she fell into step next to me. “What do you want, Cleo?”
“Oh, you know my name.”
She sounded way too happy about something.
“I'm meeting a friend for lunch, so if you have something to tell me, spill it.”
I kept looking straight ahead, keeping track of anyone else who appeared in my line of sight. No matter how weird things were with Dax, I knew he'd be pissed if she tried to hurt me, but I wasn't about to give her a chance to corner me alone.