Chapter 5: Cold Fall Night
I snapped back to reality. I thought I would never catch my breath. It was such an odd sensation, but it felt so real.
“That was crazy,” I said, out of breath, almost crying. “I knew he hated me now. I knew he never cared about me like that then, but I never thought…” I fought off the tears. “Him and Grace,” I whispered.
“What about him and Grace?” He asked with genuine concern.
“I— I was at a party. Dante and Grace went into one of the bedrooms together,” I couldn’t stop the tears. “I walked in on them. She was naked, and he was getting dressed.”
“So you saw him with Grace?” He asked, as if there was something he couldn’t believe.
“Yes, I’ll just have to get over him like I should have a long time ago.”
“What if… all of a sudden he called you… and said he was in love with you, or something. What then?”
“It wouldn’t matter. He was with Grace. That’s like… against some kind of unspoken rule.” He sighed and laid his head back down. “So what were you going to tell me anyway?” I asked.
“Oh, it was nothing,” he sat up. “I’m going to get some fresh air,” he smiled and climbed out the back.
I stayed in the car for a while, pondering the revelations that came to me earlier. As I sat there balling my eyes out, I wondered if anyone ever cared about me. My mother had always left me; she had better things to do. She never cared either way what was going on in my life, not even now, not really.
Grace, she was there for me, though I never shared my deep personal feelings with her. Nevertheless, she was there when I needed a place to crash. She was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, even if it was rare that she knew what I was crying about. I would never know if she could be bothered to listen.
I had other friends, but none of them were close friends, except for Dante, but in my mind, he was always something more. I did share some things with him, more than with Grace, but never what I needed to say. Sometimes I thought—for moments at a time—that he might have felt the same. We were close I’d known him since I was ten, but it never meant more to him than what it was—friendship.
I opened the door, trying to be quiet; I didn't shut it all the way behind me. I stood on the side of the car for a few minutes staring at the moon. It was beautiful, bigger than I’d ever seen it before. I took a deep breath and walked to the back of the car, swatting corn stalks out of my face the whole way. Skylar was leaning up against the back of the car staring at the sky. He didn’t seem to notice me watching him. I walked up beside him and rested my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around me without a word; we just stared at the sky.
I started thinking about running away, changing my name and never looking back. I would forget everything; become my new persona so entirely that my life would start over then. I couldn’t do that quite yet, Grace could still be alive and if what Skylar said was true, we might be the only ones looking for her. No matter how I felt about her now, I couldn’t give up on her.
“Let’s get back in the car, it’s getting kind of cold,” I said, my teeth chattering. When we got back in I laid there for a while. It was just as cold in the car, and I couldn’t sleep. “Are there any blankets back there?” I asked.
“No, sorry. I didn’t have time to think this through,” he mumbled.
“Did you change your mind? Do you think this isn’t a good idea?” I questioned.
“No,” he sighed. “But we’re not very well prepared.”
“So we don’t have blankets—”
“It’s not only that. We don't have much money, just enough for gas and food. We’re going to need weapons, or—” he stopped. “You didn’t bring anything with you… did you?”
“No, I didn’t have time. I didn’t know you were going to, well, do what you did.”
“No, meds?” he asked.
“No,” I whispered.
“Good.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked, feeling a little insulted.
“It has a lot to do with everything,” he said in such a quiet voice, I wasn’t sure if it was meant for me. I closed my eyes, a quick vision of a red plastic cup, and three pills being dropped inside took over; I couldn’t think. When I came back to reality, everything was hazy, like I was looking through a thick fog.
“What the hell is going on?” I said, horrified.
“Are you alright?” He panicked, taking off his sweatshirt. “Your lips are a little blue.”
My vision returned, and before he could hand me his hoodie, I climbed in the back. Unzipped, it was big enough to use as a blanket for both of us. I could see the moon out of the back window; I hadn’t seen it in quite some time, before tonight. The windows of the hospital were far too dirty to look out if a considerable amount of sunshine wasn’t shining through. My eye lids got heavy, and before I knew it, I was out.