Then the police showed up to take custody, and the pair went racing back into the night, giddy with success, and with the night that still stretched out in front of them like an endless playground filled with muggers, car thieves, and ne’er-do-wells too stupid to believe that a city not under official Super Patriots protection could actually be defended by a genuine superhero. . . or, on a certain beautiful night, two superheroes.
Two convenience store robberies, a car chase, and one purse-snatcher later, Velveteen and Tag leaned up against the brick wall of a downtown warehouse, trying to catch their breath through the joyous laughter that was threatening to overwhelm them both. Tag’s mask—which, Vel had realized, changed to suit his emotions, shifting slowly but continuously, like a mood ring turned tattoo—was a rich sunset combination of red-pink-gold, and she could tell that her own rabbit-eared headband had been knocked slightly askew during the last encounter. And none of that mattered. None of that mattered at all.
“—did you see the way that guy—”
“—and then, with the stuffed rabbit! That was inspired, that was just—”
“—was so sure he was going to hit you square in the face, but—”
They shared a wide-eyed look, finally realizing that they were both talking at once, and broke down laughing. Deep, unrestrained laughter, the kind that stand-up comedians would die for. Slowly, they slid down the wall, until they were sitting, Vel with her legs splayed broken-toy akimbo, Tag with his knees knocking together as he struggled not to lose his balance.
Finally catching her breath, Velveteen reached over and took Tag’s hand in hers, squeezing his fingers lightly. “Thank you for this,” she said. “I mean, I thought it was a really terrible idea when the Princess suggested it, but this has been fantastic. I think I’m going to owe her a pretty major apology.”
“You know, there’s one way you could avoid bowing and scraping too much.”
“How’s that?”
“Well, if I agreed to take on half the penance, since it was my evening, too. . .”
“And how would I persuade you to go along with that kind of hare-brained scheme?” asked Velveteen, shooting him an amused look. He met it squarely, no shadows or secrets hiding in his eyes. They were a lovely shade of brown, with little hints of green and hazel brought out by the swirl of colors surrounding them. Nice eyes. The kind of eyes she could spend a lot of time looking into.
“If you were willing to try this again—say, with that rare and frightening event known as the ‘second date’—I could probably be convinced that I should do my share. Just this once.”
Velveteen tilted her head, studying him for a moment more. And then, slowly, she smiled. “I think I’d like that,” she said. “I think I’d like that a lot.”
“Now, since your secret identity means I can’t walk you home, can I at least walk you to the rooftop of your choice?”
Velveteen squeezed Tag’s fingers again before letting go. “Race you there.”
*
Anyone looking at the rooftop of the Dash-o’-Danger steak house at a little after two o’clock that morning would have seen the sort of shot guaranteed to make the cover of superhero magazines across the country. Two heroes, recognizable because of their sleek spandex-and-velvet outlines (and, in the case of the heroine in the pair, the bunny ears rising proudly from her head) standing wrapped in one another’s arms, their kiss silhouetted against the slowly setting moon. If anyone had bothered to look. As for Velveteen and Tag, sharing the ceremonial first kiss to end the not-so-ceremonial first date, they weren’t looking at anything at all.
There are good sides to the superhero life after all.
I ♥ SUPERHEROES
by Carrie Vaughn
WHAT A HARD ACT TO FOLLOW. I’d be better off throwing up my hands and walking away. I mean, Seanan can speak for herself, right? She does so very well! But I discover, I do have a few things to say. An Earth-shattering monologue, in fact, on the level of the fiercest arch-villain taking over the Times Square Jumbotron to announce plans for world domination. Okay, maybe not that Earth-shattering. Not worthy of the Jumbotron, but maybe worthy of the afterword to a collection of stories by an award-winning author.
Before we get too much farther, I have a confession: I’m a sucker for superhero stories. I really am. If I lived in a world that really had superheroes, I’d be president of the fan club. I blame Lynda Carter and Lindsay Wagner, except that blame is the wrong word. I worship Lynda Carter and Lindsay Wagner. There, that’s better. With my full-on mainlining of Wonder Woman and The Bionic Woman as a small child, I imprinted on superheroes early. And not just superheroes, but woman superheroes. I took it absolutely for granted that a woman in a satin star-spangled bathing suit could bend steel bars with her bare hands and kick lots of ass on her own terms. I’m sad that 35 years later, we still have to convince some people of this. Like, oh, Hollywood. I’m still waiting for a live-action Wonder Woman movie on par with The X-Men or Iron Man. Still . . . waiting . . . In the meantime, I can read Seanan McGuire’s tales of Velveteen. Thank you, Seanan!
And now, I am going to reveal to you the two secrets of writing about superheroes.
The First Secret of Writing About Superheroes: We’ve always had superheroes. Gilgamesh and Enkidu are superheroes. So are Hercules and Theseus, Achilles, Lancelot, Robin Hood, Zorro, the Lone Ranger, all the way down to Superman. One of the things that superheroes do is tell us what the cultures that created them were afraid of, because superheroes can take that fear and turn it into something powerful and helpful. Thus, Enkidu gets his power from the wilderness, at a time when the first cities were starting to push back against the wild unknown. The Greek heroes are demi-gods—the power and irrationality of the gods given human form and tamed for human benefit. The twentieth century superheroes? Genetic mutation, radiation, aliens—all the twentieth century fears, made human, approachable, and even useful. Superheroes have always been with us, and their origins and identities tell us a lot about ourselves.
The Second Secret of Writing About Superheroes: It’s not about the powers, it’s about the people. This should go without saying, but how many recent superhero movies have been ruined in editing because some Hollywood shmoo decided to cut out the deep character moments in favor of extending the gut-punching FX battle? How bored have I gotten listening to someone pick apart inane details of human flight as it’s affected by atmospheric density and yadda yadda, it doesn’t matter. One of the things I loved about Captain America: The First Avenger, was the discussion it generated: Everybody had a favorite scene, and the favorite scenes were always character moments: the conversations between Steve and Dr. Erskine, Steve’s trick with the flagpole, his grief over Bucky. I’ll say it again: it’s not about the powers, it’s about the people. Give me a great character, and I’ll go along with whatever powers she has.
But you already know these two secrets, because you’ve been reading about Velveteen (at least, if you’ve gotten this far I assume you have) and Seanan’s already told you the secrets. Her twenty-first century heroes’ powers come from irradiated food, mutated diseases, and pop culture obsessions. And of course they have to grapple with bureaucracy and reality TV, and will face the terrors of marketing and litigation as well as the expected hosts of mad scientists and crustacean rebellion.
And she’s not really telling Velveteen’s story, she’s telling Velma’s, and the question of Who Will Save Us Now isn’t nearly as important as getting that next day job, finding a home that’s really yours, and keeping your friends close. Superheroes have to hang up their tights at the end of the day (or in the morning after an all-night patrol), and the people they are in their pj’s usually determines whether we like them or not. Whether we even care if they can save the world or not.
So yeah, speaking as an avid fan of superhero stories—good superhero stories, mind you—Seanan gets it. And it’s awfully nice, in our modern twenty-first century age, that a set of stories that started as a wh
im on the often ephemeral format of the Internet, can find a second home in a book. Though in true comic book superhero fashion, she’s left us on a bit of a cliffhanger, hasn’t she?
Onward, True Believers!
APPENDIX A:
VELVETEEN AND ALLIES
Despite our best efforts (see action reports A through N), Velma Martinez, code name “Velveteen,” has continued to refuse offers of renewed employment. It is unclear what, if anything, could be done to entice her. Despite her public presentation as a minor asset, she is currently assessed as a level four power. Because of this, we cannot permit her to continue acting outside The Super Patriots.
Velveteen is to be recruited or killed within the next six months. Failure to achieve one of these goals will result in termination.
VELMA “VELVETEEN” MARTINEZ
Assessed power level 4/informed power level 2
Age: Twenty-four
Age at time of power discovery: Unclear; presumed twelve
Height/weight: Unknown
Power set: Semi-autonomous animation of totemic representations of persons and animals, most specifically cloth figures, including minor transformation to grant access to species-appropriate weaponry. No known secondary powers.
Profile: Velveteen was acquired as a corporate asset following a display of her powers in a public area. Early examination showed her power levels to be limited only by the resources available to her. One researcher commented that, with access to a large enough pair of googly eyes, she could potentially animate the moon. Focus groups did not respond well to the idea of a powerful animus, but found a hero who could animate toys to be “charming” and “highly appropriate for children.” Velveteen is thus officially classed in all publicity material as a level two support heroine.
Early integration into The Junior Super Patriots, West Coast Division was highly successful. Velveteen bonded well with her teammates, forming close bonds with Sparkle Bright and Action Dude. She began a relationship with Action Dude following the death of Diva (see Diva: Autopsy for details). Focus groups did not respond well to the idea of a frontline hero becoming involved with Velveteen, who most viewed as innocent and childlike. They did respond well to the idea of his becoming involved with Sparkle Bright. The relationship was slated for termination. Unfortunately, the process resulted in Velveteen’s departure from The Junior Super Patriots, WCD.
In the years since her return to civilian life, Velveteen has shown little inclination to use her powers, even when provoked. This may have slowed their maturation. Still, approach with caution.
Default costume: Brown/burgundy leotard, brown tights, burgundy boots and gloves. Brown bunny ears on a headband. Assorted toys and dolls for animation.
Power integrity: Before full termination of her relationship with Action Dude, an attempt was made to exchange the powers of Velveteen and Sparkle Bright, which would have resulted in a much more stable team. The bodies of both girls rejected this exchange. It is the opinion of the Research Division that Velveteen’s powers are somehow connected to her well-being, and removal or nullification would be fatal. Keep in mind as a weapon of last resort.
JACKIE FROST
Assessed power level 3
Age: Unknown
Age at time of power discovery: Unknown
Height/weight: Unknown
Power set: Elemental control and creation of ice. Immunity to cold. Travel through “magic mirrors,” a designation which does not yet have a firm definition.
Profile: Jackie Frost is the daughter of Jack Frost and the Snow Queen, current guardians of the winter. Efforts to convince her parents that she would benefit from membership in The Junior Super Patriots have resulted in all of Marketing receiving large amounts of coal on Christmas for the past several years (see Profile: Santa Claus for more information). She has thus been allowed to grow up without the tempering influence of other superhumans to balance out her naturally abrasive personality.
Jackie is impulsive, unpredictable, and a close friend of Velveteen’s, which has flagged her for additional observation. While we do not have detailed files on her weaknesses as yet, it is believed that heat may be the key to her defeat. If Jackie is engaged in combat, Firecracker should be summoned from whatever assignment she is on and instructed to take the ice-manipulator out.
Default costume: Varies from appearance to appearance, but is always essentially a blue and white ice skating uniform. Jackie does not wear a mask.
Additional note: It seems likely that Jackie is being groomed to eventually take over her mother’s position as protector of the winter. Should this happen, her power levels will increase. We must hope we can defeat her before this happens.
CARRABELLE “THE PRINCESS” MILLER
Assessed power level 4
Age: Twenty-three
Age at time of power discovery: Eleven
Height/weight: Variable
Power set: The Princess possesses a variable power pool of all abilities assigned by the little girls of the world to their ideal fairy tale princess. She has reliably demonstrated the ability to talk to woodland creatures, command birds, animate vegetables, talk to furniture, shrug off supposedly mortal wounds, sing enemies to sleep, break glass with high notes, find her way out of supposedly infinite mazes, and never smear her makeup.
Profile: The loss of the heroine codenamed “The Princess” to the marketing division of a large media company best known for their animated films was a genuine blow to The Super Patriots, and one which we still regret. Her powers activated during a visit to a popular theme park, triggering a musical number which swelled to involve 90% of the park guests and employees before reaching a crescendo. Birds flocked to her side, and the park’s management offered her an immediate contract, which she has since used as a corporate shield against recruitment efforts. She currently resides in the Crystal Glitter Unicorn Cloud Castle, an impenetrable fortress constructed outside the boundaries of reality as we know it.
The Princess is polite to a fault, something which most people attribute to her Southern upbringing, combined with her position as conduit of the world’s children. Her attachment to Velveteen and Jackie Frost is really the only questionable thing about her. She is unimpeachable. We hate her so.
Default costume: The Princess frequently goes into combat wearing impractical ball gowns which do not seem to impede her movement in the slightest. She is one of the only known heroines who actually prefers to fight in heels.
TAD “TAG” SINCLAIR
Assessed power level 3/informed power level 2
Age: Twenty-five
Age at time of power discovery: Eight
Height/weight: Unknown
Power set: Semi-autonomous animation of graphic representations of persons and animals, including minor transformation to grant access to species-appropriate weaponry. No known secondary powers.
Profile: Originally “Graffiti Boy,” Tag was acquired as a corporate asset following discovery by his second grade art teacher that he could bring chalk drawings to “life.” Early examination showed his power levels to be limited only by the resources available to him, although he has difficulty maintaining multiple manifestations for long periods of time. Because of this, and because of material considerations, Tag is the only known animus to be officially classed as a level three hero. He is listed in all publicity material as a level two support hero, maintaining the corporate policy regarding animus.
Tag integrated well with The Junior Super Patriots, Midwest Division, but was dismissed from the team due to abuse of his powers (see Tag: Dismissal Report for details). He worked temporarily under the name “Street Art” before settling on his final superhero name.
Default costume: Black body suit, utility belt, domino mask.
APPENDIX B:
TEAM ROSTERS
The Super Patriots, Original Lineup:
For details on the collapse of the original team, see action report REDACTED.
Majesty: Flight, super-stre
ngth, invulnerability.
Jolly Roger: Magical hero, “pirate themed” powers.
Supermodel: Incredible beauty allowing her to control the minds and responses of those around her.
The Super Patriots, West Coast Division, Current Lineup:
The current team is largely stable, although monitoring of the co-leaders, Action Dude and Sparkle Bright, is ongoing.
Action Dude: Flight, super-strength, invulnerability.
Sparkle Bright: Flight, photon manipulation, photonic camouflage (ability largely untrained).
Uncertainty: Probability control.
Imagineer: Technopath.
Mechamation: Technopath.
Jack O’Lope: Spirit of the American West.
The Junior Super Patriots, West Coast Division, Original Lineup:
The original team was assembled at the bequest of Marketing, who wanted a controllable group of child heroes in every time zone. Several mistakes were made, including limiting the team size to four. This allowed for the formation of excessively strong bonds between the children. Junior teams are now mandated to contain a minimum of six members at all times.