#3 WAY BACK HOME
The winter approached and the first signs were already visible. The weather became clearly worse. It was much colder and rainier, even though this was hard to imagine. The wind was stronger and the sky wasn't beautiful anymore. Julia felt like a prisoner in the villa. Marcus Lucius had his training sessions when he moved naturally and fluently in the back yard no matter what the weather was like. He was sweating a lot, but he got wet from the rain anyway.
In the meanwhile, Julia covered herself with three blankets. Marcus Lucius brought her a fur coat. It was more comfortable to warm up her skinny body. He brought her more proper clothes. They were a bit too large, but if she tied the ribbons in a specific way, then her dresses were suiting perfectly. He was entranced when she wore them. She didn't ask how he afforded the money for it and he didn't ask her how she liked the new clothes.
She started to sleep more relaxed during the nights and wasn't a bundle full of fears and doubts anymore. Marcus Lucius was relieved to hear her regular breath and to see her arms hugging a pillow. Sometimes when she moved, he could easily see her face. She looked tired, and if he had a poetry sense in his heart, he would describe how beautiful, stunning and amazing she was.
One day, Nerva came back from Aquincium. After he washed, he wasn't ready to rest as he hadn’t seen Octavian for a longer while. Although peace and order returned to the area, Nerva stayed at Appius's side. It still wasn't clever to regularly send a messenger on the same track. There was no need for it and the standard messenger had to take over the standard tasks. Attracting attention by presenting a friendship stronger than expected wasn't a good move. For no reason you say let sleeping dogs lie. Additionally, Nerva had to rest. Travelling was exhausting, even though he never complaint. Appius made sure that Nerva got enough time to recover. He turned a blind eye on Nerva's nightly moments of entertainment as long as his soldier was getting better.
Nerva brought letters and a fresh wind of home. Before anyone read anything, dinner was served and the mood was easy, delightful. Julia was excited and her fingers trembled agitated. Seeing Nerva was almost like having Italian clouds and air around her. Marcus Lucius was relieved seeing Julia so free and unbent. Octavian was pleased to eat a meal with his friends. During the last weeks, he missed Nerva a lot and Marcus Lucius could hardly fill the space left. Marcus Lucius became a a fellow, a companion, but not yet a friend like Nerva. Octavian had experienced so many strategic occurrences with Nerva that kept them close as brothers.
Nerva talked and talked. As a welcomed guest, he took over the pleasant duty to entertain everybody. They all sat at the table and savoured the moment. When the evening changed into the night, Julia stood up and excused herself for going to rest. Suddenly, she slapped Nerva on his back and wished everyone good night. Nerva gave her the letter from Appius and smiled friendlier than ever. He was a bit shocked by Julia's behaviour. After exchanging opinions with Octavian, Nerva had rather expected hell freezing over than a friendly gesture like this from Julia. Nerva liked initiative and fire in women, but when it was Julia, he was overwhelmed and disarmed. The others felt the same way and nobody was even able to say any goodbye word.
Julia laughed silently, but brightly when she left the room. Her voice echoed for some seconds and it was a very enjoyable change. Octavian, Nerva and Marcus Lucius looked at each other. They were in a good mood, too. It was infectious like a disease. After the first wave of enthusiasm and joy, they kept serious silence. They drunk more wine than usually. They didn't speak about serious things anymore, instead they dedicated themselves to the red, red wine and careless jokes. When the time came, they saluted for good night and everyone went to sleep. On shaking legs with swinging hips, they went to their own rooms.
Marcus Lucius flew like a galley of the kind that fought in the wars of Assyria, ancient Phoenicia, Greece, Carthage and Rome. Already at the sight of him, you could easily recognize the power captured in his body. His muscles on the arms weren't tensed, but visible. His minimal smile wasn't artificially polite, but friendly. He was accompanied by Cornelius's soldiers. They were everywhere and slowly, he could go through the roof. His self-control was trained with the same routine and motivation like his muscles. Cornelius's legionnaires were impressed by the congenial appearance of Marcus Lucius, because he always responded to their salutations and never said an annoying word. They respected him and expected to turn a blind eye to Marcus Lucius, when he was near to Julia. She was his wife and usually, married people in Rome showed their sexual affection to each other. Julia and her husband weren't this type of Roman citizens. Cornelius's soldiers appreciated the will to have privacy and therefore, they didn't react when Marcus Lucius and Julia stayed together. After the first nights, Cornelius's legionnaires were sure that there were no acts of violence between the married couple. They seemed to be a happy, lovely pair of souls just like the pairs from stories told in the epics.
Marcus Lucius stopped in front of Julia's bedroom doors and wasn't sure whether he was allowed to go into the room or whether he should sleep in his own bed this night. After all, he was drunk which could trigger a less polite look of Julia. He stood in the floor for a longer while and couldn't decide what to do. Still uncertain, he perceived a motion in Julia's room. He reacted immediately. He jumped like a lion and within seconds, he was in the middle of the chamber. He looked around. The light was dimmed, barley enough to see, but a skilled, trained soldier was able to recognize the shapes of different objects. He saw the blurry edges of a wooden sideboard, a rough, heavy table and two comfortable chairs, Julia left her dress in a chaotic way. Then, he looked to the bed and saw Julia's shape. She wasn't sleeping. Her eyes sparkled in the night like two little, magic stars. He came to her and kissed her passionately. She had soft, pleasant lips and warm, delightful skin. He held her face in his hands and kissed chaotically, quickly, greedily. She returned the kiss, surprised by her openness and lacking resistance. It was a good feeling she had inside her heart.
As sudden as it all begun, it stopped. Marcus Lucius remembered Decima and was too confused to continue. He thought it wasn't right. Julia was too kind and too unreachable for him to get dirty. It would be his fault, if she would lose her innocence. It would be unforgettable. It would be dishonest. Even if it's easier to forgive than forget, he definitely would never forget his guilt and he would blame himself for using her for his own, bodily needs. To err is human, but he didn't want to be the kind of man, who behaves wrongly on purpose. He was supposed to protect her and not to charm her. Finally, he promised Appius to stay away from any emotional relationship with Julia so that their relation would stay within the scope of friendship and solidarity.
-We should forget that it happened. - He whispered and put her gently aside.
-To forget is divine. - She answered insecure and upset.
-To forgive is divine. - He corrected her. He wondered why she changed the phrase deliberately. There was a hidden meaning behind it.
-I won't sleep here anymore. - His statement was clear and independent from any earlier remark.
Julia nodded sadly. She didn't like this idea, so she added in a dimmed voice:
-We should keep pretending having a good marriage. You should stay here. I will slide more to the edge of the bed. You will have enough space and you won't be able to touch me at all as usually.
He thought about it shortly and agreed. If they behaved like this during the last weeks, he could behave one further night according to the stabilized, unwritten rules.
-Let it be so, huh.
He took off his armour, beheld his tunic on, and fell into the bed. He closed his eyes and let the wine undertake the rest. He fell asleep immediately like any other man after drinking some glasses of good wine. Before she could react in any way, he was already in Morpheus's arms.
For Julia is wasn’t as easy. She was confused and insecure, full of thoughts filling thousands days of analysing what it all could have meant. It was a fight between her heart
and her mind. Neither the heart nor the mind could win alone. Just if they merged their powers, there could be a happy end. As long as they were rivals, there was no chance for any solution and the fight between them could burn like the endless fire of Burning Mountain (Mt Wingen), near to Newcastle and Singleton. According to scientific estimates the fire has been burning for approximately 6,000 years and is the oldest known coal fire. The coal probably started burning through spontaneous combustion, possibly caused by the oxidation of sulfur rich minerals in the coal. The smoke can be seen coming up through cracks and vents in the surface and the traces of where it has been burning in the past are visible, as well. The same kind of determined fire burnt in Julia, while her heart supported the optimistic theory of eternal love and true friendship, her mind whispered convincing, logical theses about settled duties and agreed subordination.
Julia felt the fire was set with purpose. She didn’t have it inside of her earlier. The fire started in the moment she saw Marcus Lucius for the very first time when he protected her, independently for which reasons. The fire started like in the case of a priestess from the Ancient Greece igniting a torch by placing it inside a parabolic mirror which focuses the sun's rays and initiating the Olympic torch. Julia knew that the phase of carrying the flame to the host city's Olympic stadium took a while, and she was sure that the fight inside her would last longer than just one night, one week, one month... She was waiting for a final solution. She knew that everything she had was fragile and temporary. To estimate the amount of time that would flow down a river until the situation was cleared was not possible. She wished to freeze the moment and was scared of the second the magic was lost. She was directly next to the crucial, breaking point and she didn't want to go any further. The beauty of her life could vanish any minute. That scared her.
She wasn't able to fall asleep, so she lay in the bed with eyes wide open and stared at Marcus Lucius. She savoured the moment as long it lasted. He slept peacefully and freely. His scent was mixed with the smell of wine and it was a wonderful, seductive mixture. She collected her whole power, courage and overstepped the border. She stroked his cheek the way she did it a couple of times when he was unconscious during the first part of the journey. She did it in the past, because she was totally sure that he wasn't able to feel her touch consciously. She dared to touch him again. He smiled and moved his head into her direction. She got afraid and retracted from the path of courage and bravery. However, her hand stayed some millimetres above his face for a while as if she wasn't sure whether she would dare to stroke him again.
Then, she returned to her duties. At first, she undressed his tunic carefully. Normally, he did it on his own, but this time, he was drunk. So, she took off his tunic and woollen trousers, which wasn't an easy task. In the end, he was just his subligaria, underpants. She noticed that her work wasn't needed anymore. The wound had healed perfectly. Just scars reminded her of the past. However, she wanted to do it for one last time. It was a good excuse to touch his skin without raising any attention. So she left the bed, went to the sideboard where the medicine was and brought the stinking substances. She rubbed them into his wounded places, quitting the cleaning procedure due to the circumstances of this event. He didn't smell so seductive anymore, but he was still desirable. She lay next to him and struggled with what to do. With the time spent with Marcus Lucius, she felt as if she was back from that soul vacation she had to take after marrying Maxentius. She wasn't used to feel desire or temptation. It was a new feeling to her. She wasn't sure how to deal with it. There was an internal devil telling her to cross the borders, but she knew it wasn't right. There were too many unknowns and too many risks related to the state she was in.
When he woke up, the sun was already above the horizon and the entire room was filled with the light of the day. Immediately, he noticed his missing clothes and tried to remember whether he undressed himself or whether he got some sort of help. Missing clothes weren't his only unknown. Julia wasn't next to him. She wasn't even in the room. He stood up, took his tunic and dressed himself quickly. Within minutes, he was on the way to the lobby. He didn't find her there. She wasn't in the kitchen, neither. He went through the entire house and wasn't able to locate her. Cornelius's guards were away from their positions, too. Neither Octavian nor Nerva were in sight. Marcus Lucius had the impression that the villa was almost empty. Apart from the slaves in the working rooms, there was no soul he needed to meet. It was frustrating.
He had a kind of headache that he could live with. He needed to breathe some fresh air, so he went to the backyard. The air was freezing and the direct sun was blending him. He moved his hand to his forehead to be able to see anything. Some legionnaires, who were guarding him and the convoy from Aquincium, stood there and talked. They saluted. He saluted back, in reflex.
-Where are the others? - He asked angrily.
-Tribune Cornelius asked them to visit him.
-Is Julia Fabia accompanied by Octavian and Nerva? - Marcus Lucius was confused. He was deeply worried what all this could mean. He didn't want to lose Julia. She was his ray of sunshine that enlightened his life, even if she was so nearly unreachable.
-Yes.
-When did they go? - He tried to stay focussed and to collect as many pieces of information he could.
-The messenger came here shortly after the sunrise. It didn't take long for everybody to leave the villa. We assume they might come back any moment.
-Why do you assume it?
-Octavian ordered to wake you up when noon comes. He ordered to request you to support them, if they are not back yet.
-So he wanted to be back here before noon. - Marcus Lucius spoke rather with himself than with the soldier.
Just after the talk, in the moment he wanted to take his horse and ride to Cornelius, he heard a noise outside the villa. He jumped to the gate and ordered to open it. The guard announced Julia's come back. Marcus Lucius felt extremely relieved. In the first possible moment, he stopped the cortege and searched for Julia. Only when he saw her safe and sound, his fears disappeared for a moment. He wanted to know what Cornelius’s invitation was about, but the most important was Julia's presence.
-Is everything fine? - He asked quietly.
-Yes. - Her short answer wasn't satisfying, but gave him a kind of good feeling anyway.
-Good, good. - He said hastily, and accompanied her across the back yard on the way to the villa. He ignored Cornelius's soldiers, who followed them closely. Octavian and Nerva saluted him and pulled back. Apparently, they had their own matters to discuss. Octavian didn't make a nervous impression, but Nerva wasn't laughing even if he used to smirk. Marcus Lucius felt that something wasn't all right, but he wasn't sure what it was. The only almost sure fact was the assumption that Marcus Lucius's false identity wasn't betrayed, otherwise, he would already have got a special kind of visit.
As Marcus Lucius and Julia sat comfortably in the lobby, the lunch was served. The girl didn't eat anything. She simply observed how Marcus Lucius ate the meat of a boar and how he stared at her. She didn't say a word, but she wasn't happy. Her face was polite, almost like on the day shortly before Cornelius's visit. He thought that any question would sound stupid. He would surely target the wrong topic. If Julia didn't say anything, she probably had her reasons to keep the information from Cornelius's soldiers standing just a few meters away or she was angry with something. He analysed whether he behaved inappropriately last evening, but he wasn't sure. As he woke up, he couldn't say for sure whether he had sex last night or not. He was almost naked, Julia wasn't there anymore. He knew that he saw her before he fell asleep, but he wasn't sure what happened in detail. It was confusing. He promised Appius to keep his hands off Julia, but to take care of her. It would look completely silly, if he would have asked her “Did we do it or not?” It would be humiliating.
He ate without getting any peace of mind. When he finished, he went to wash his hands. They were full of fat. Then, he announced going to the bedr
oom because of his headache and other pains. Julia was afraid he really suffered. However, it wasn't the case. During his walks and during his trainings, he could still feel the wounds he had, but it wasn't painful anymore. Almost half a year had passed already since the ambush day. He healed better than expected. His inconvenience was his hangover.
Julia followed him to the bedroom and her first question was “What kind of pain do you have?”. Sorrow showed in her eyes and her hands trembled nervously.
-I am not in pain, it was just an excuse to leave the room and leave the watch dogs behind. - He said and she got a kind of angry look. He was sure she was not happy about him lying to her, but she was mad at herself that she cared about him so much.
-I understand. - She answered after a moment.
He took her hand and pulled her away from the curtain that was the only border holding them away from Cornelius's soldiers. Her hand was cold. He took her other hand into his hands and rubbed them. He wanted her to feel good and he knew that she didn't like low temperatures. He held her hands as high as his chest and she was able to feel the echo of his heartbeat. They stood very close to each other. Julia wore a wonderful, bright green dress with sleeves for official visits. It was one of the few, warm dresses he dared to buy her and she didn't comment it in any way. He wasn't sure whether she was happy or unhappy by his gesture. Her clothes weren't warm enough to save her from trembling. Within a few moves, he jumped to a chair where her blanket laid and came back. Then, he covered her like a caterpillar and rubbed her backs.
-What was this visit about? - He asked finally. He thought she kept him long enough in insecurity. He used to be patient, but even he had some limits.
-I assume that we have a problem. - She whispered with a trembling voice.
He pulled her closer so that her head almost landed on his shoulder and her body, wrapped into the blanket, was almost touching his body covered just by his red tunic.
-What kind of problem? - He whispered calmly in her ear.
-Cornelius would like me to accompany him. He plans to visit my father. He would like to leave the camp this week and take me with him. He mentioned that it wasn't agreed that I stay in Britannia over winter. - She reported goal-oriented and quickly. Her tone was neutral. Her lips and hands were shaky, but she didn't show any symptoms of a panic attack. In general, she was quite calm, too. Maybe due to Marcus Lucius's peaceful body language, Julia's mind cooled down.
-What do you think about it?
-Officially, I am your wife, so I don't have the same opinion as you have. - She was politically correct and on the safe side of the line.
-What opinion should I have then? - He smiled.
She didn't find it funny, so she stayed serious. Cornelius's attitude today showed her how unimportant her opinion was. He simply ordered her to go with him. She tried excuses like “I will have to speak about this with my husband”. Cornelius didn't like it and underlined the statement that such consultations weren't a part of the agreement between Julius Fabius and Maxentius. As a woman, Julia wasn't allowed to be present during the negotiations of the marriage contract or to get any information related to it. Marcus Lucius didn’t have a clue what could have been arranged. He knew the Julii family from stories his mother had told. They were an influential group of individuals who acted together in a coordinated way. He would have sent anyone to his mother to get any piece of information from a chit-chat helpful to make the relevant decisions. There was no time for it. They couldn't both leave Britannia. They couldn't stay there together either. There was no shiny, happy, peaceful future in front of them. The fragile plan started to break like a tea cup getting a crack.
-What do you intend to do? - She asked after he kept silent for a longer while.
-I am not sure. I would prefer you to stay here now. The winter comes and the journey will be hard. It's not easy to travel here in winter.
She noticed only the part with “now” and the rest was irrelevant. Her heart wanted him to say “forever” and her mind wished to hear a time limited period. Her sanity could celebrate a victory.
-For that reason Cornelius said we should set forth on a journey immediately. - She added with the sad tone predefined by the state of her heart. - He doesn’t like the winter here. He says it's too cold and it makes him sick. He wants to give you the command of the camp.
He picked out the gloomy issue and wasn't sure how to interpret it. Was she sad because she had to wait until the end of the week or because she had to go home or had to leave. As far as Marcus Lucius could judge, Julia didn't like the climate here. He wished to cheer her up and gave her some good memories before she was supposed to go back to Naples. Retrospectively, Marcus Lucius knew why she had so many Greek issues. Already standing just few centimetres away from her, he was sure that he will miss her warmth and scent, her lovely voice declaiming samples from Homer's epics and her body covered in a blanket which made her look like a juicy, slim caterpillar. He thought about women, who used every remedy possible to look pretty and wore beautiful dresses, complicated hairdos, and they still weren't as cute and gorgeous as Julia. The pieces of her put together made an impressively wonderful being.
-We shouldn't give Cornelius any reason to act against us, so I'll talk to him to arrange your journey. I confirm to him taking over the task of leading the castra. - Marcus Lucius had to take over the leading position and supervise the camp as he was supposed to directly after his arrival in Eboracum. - You shouldn't be worried. Maybe it's just a signal for me to start behave the way I had to act finally or Cornelius really doesn't like winter here as you, which would implicate that you have this attitude in your family blood.
He tried to be funny to improve the bad mood captured in the air and fulfilling them increasingly with every further breath. The attempt wasn't successful, so he had to suggest something else.
-You know, I didn’t ride for weeks, so it could be a very bad beginning, but I'm going out. Would you like to come with me?
She understood that he wanted to prepare himself and maybe even her for a goodbye. She agreed to go with him ignoring the freezing air outside. He ordered her to dress properly and while she was preparing herself for a short afternoon, he went to Octavian and talked to him.
-We have to accept the conditions we get. We shouldn't start any resistance actions, which could blow the entire plan. - Marcus Lucius confirmed the statement given already to Julia.
Octavian nodded and added that Cornelius insisted to take Julia with him. It wasn't common. A married woman was supposed to stay by her husband’s side. Her further family had no more the crucial role in her life. However, the family could force a divorce, if there was another, a better candidate to marry. It was usual in noble society to make a married woman divorce from her man to give her the opportunity to marry someone more important and influential. Marcus Lucius knew it. Octavian knew it. Nobody talked about it aloud.
-If she is not supposed to come back, I won't pretend being Maxentius anymore. - Marcus Lucius's words sounded like a warning. He considered that Julia might have to get a new husband and her freedom from the life full of fiction. If it was the case, he could more easily go and have his revenge.
Octavian followed Marcus Lucius's thoughts, even if their details remained unspoken. The news about a short trip was simply swallowed up by Octavian without any comment. Instead, he got the task to go back to Cornelius and give him Marcus Lucius's feedback.
-You will accompany her until we get to know more about Julius Fabius's plans. If she will be harmed in any way, I will find you and punish you for your inattentiveness. Do you understand?
Octavian nodded. He knew this tone from Appius, but never before had he heard such a determination from Marcus Lucius. It wasn't a good sign, but a severe, explicit warning. It meant real danger.
-Why don't you send Nerva with her? - Octavian asked.
-Nerva is a womaniser, and she needs a stable, reliable rock instead. - Marcus Lucius answered quickly. He st
ill sounded seriously.
-And you take her now for a ride just to distract her, right?
For a good observer as Marcus Lucius, this emotionless tone was just a deception manoeuvre. Octavian had some feelings for Julia, but Marcus Lucius wasn't sure what kind of feelings were kept secretly in the legionnaire’s soul.
-That's the reason why you will supervise her, even if Cornelius's soldiers will make your task harder. You will take two or three men with you so that you can immediately inform me about anything what will just happen. Understood?
-Yes. - Octavian saluted and the topic was closed with the gesture of his arm.
Marcus Lucius didn't force Julia to wait long for him. The ride was wonderfully brisk, stimulating. The cold, fresh air was pleasant to breathe. However, quite strong wind wasn't friendly, but Julia held Marcus Lucius strongly. She sat behind him after he helped her to climb up. He had a determined, professional touch directed to obey purposed actions. An origin of a smile was visible on his lips. Julia looked happy, even relieved.
After leaving the camp, he took her up to the North. After they left behind two villages, a huge, impressive landscape occurred. Julia doubted whether any further village would be built there. She thought they were riding up to the end of the world. She didn't mind if they would never return to Eboracum. She felt free for the very first time while she looked to the partially frozen trees with very few leaves. They looked almost naked, but proud, straight, sized like a giant. The ground was slippery. Julia could hear ice breaking while the horse stepped into frozen water puddles on a previously swampy road between the woods. Marcus Lucius's horse was fast and decent like his owner. It was the horse that was present during the ambush, a black beauty with smart eyes. It moved dynamically, quickly, goal-oriented. Julia waited for it to spread its invisible wings and to start flying like a Pegasus, one of the best known mythological creatures in Greek mythology. Marcus Lucius called him Hiberus and visited him after every training. From the moment, Marcus Lucius could leave the bed he went to his loyal friend and companion. Hiberus didn't like any other person was to touch him and would only calm down when Marcus Lucius was near. It was magical and Julia wished to have such a lovely, reliable horse, too. If she had one, she would run away quickly and nobody ever would find her. That was her dream. She wasn't thinking about the day after tomorrow. There was no future she could imagine.
She hugged Marcus Lucius stronger as if she wouldn't believe having him in front of her. She was just able to see the road from the corner of her eye. The speed brought her joy and relief. It calmed her down in a way she never felt before. Even with depressive thoughts in her mind, she wasn't afraid of dying. She wished to ride further and further, and to never come back or to stop.
At the same time, Marcus Lucius felt her fists on his belly, even through his thick, multilayered clothes, he was still able to perceive the small, tensed fists and felt good. At least, Julia was next to him and he knew she felt well. He enjoyed the air on the face, which reminded him about the journeys he experienced. He took more or less long trips with different speeds. Usually, the gallop was combined with rare moments of going into inconsiderable battles on the borders of the empire. The fights weren't as huge as the battle you could remember as the Battle of Sarmisegetuza led by King Decebalus, during which his father fell supporting the emperor Trajan against the Dacians. Actually, according to news from Appius, a revolt had started among the Jewish diaspora in Cyrenaica. Marcus Lucius thought he would kill Quintus first. Then, he would go to Judaea Province and fight. The probability of being killed there was high, therefore he wished to be banished there.
“The truth will come out.” Marcus Lucius thought and his intention was to let it pop open on his conditions. He wished Julia to stay save and happy. He wished to fall in a fight, not in an execution. He wanted to go on the other side of life and become a part of the afterlife. He wanted a peaceful end without causing problems. He looked to the sky and saw bright blue shadows with white clouds like a mix of huge, blue M&Ms in vanilla ice cream. The first snowflakes fell. Marcus Lucius forced the horse to stop. Then, he descended and helped Julia down as well. As they stood on the frozen, slippery ground captured between the trees on a primitive road, he looked up and enjoyed the snowflakes.
-When I was in Britannia ten years ago, I liked the snow. I learnt to like it here. - He said with a special amusement in the voice. He had childish, but seductive sparks in his eyes as he glimpsed at Julia shortly. The memories about his father were vivid in his mind. He was lucky to get to know the great Maximus personally.
-What else do you like here? - She asked as she opened her hand to try to catch the snowflakes. She observed how they melted on her skin. Up to now, she didn't appreciate the cold, rough climate here. Without Marcus Lucius, she wouldn't even waste a second to look at the snow so closely. She liked panoramas, she liked the open landscapes, but she didn't enjoy the low temperatures. Therefore, she had stopped climbing to the roof of the villa. She covered herself in blankets and waited for the spring to come. Now, she experienced a new aspect of winter. She started to like it. His lack of answers didn't bother her at the moment. She was distracted by nature.
Marcus Lucius let the horse walk away for some meters to rest. He slapped it friendly, gently. Hiberus liked it and you could hear its satisfied whinny. Meters away, an owl groaned then it was silent again. Julia stood with stretched hands and watched the snow falling onto them. Marcus Lucius went some steps away, turned around and looked to the open landscape. It was stunning and beautiful. In the summer, the whole surrounding was amazingly green. The hills played with the sky and created a soft line from the heavenly white and blue and the earthy colours of the ground and the naked trees. It was a perfect moment to breathe in peace.
He turned around and looked at Julia. She was still concentrated on the snow flakes. She looked like the people, who love to see the first piece of snow in the winter, although they wish there would be only one snowy day. She didn't know it, but there were over thirty main snowflakes which she could recognise from just looking closely at them. Actually, she made the impression of starting such an analysis.
-They look differently, but the same at once. How is it possible? - She whispered, but didn't stretch out her arm towards him. He had to come closer. His breath destroyed the fragile structure and doused the visibility of the snowflakes that hadn’t melted yet. Julia didn't know that it is indeed extremely unlikely that two complex snowflakes could look exactly alike. She was fascinated and dreamy.
He wasn't able to explain it to her. He knew that snowflakes weren’t frozen raindrops, but they all fell from the clouds. He observed some winters in different regions and already knew that when the temperature wasn't too low, snowflakes became much larger, light. The fall could get the form of a ball, rather than a flake. There were graupel, and sleet, and various snow grains. It was important to know, when your fight was settled in such times. Taking into consideration the weather conditions, was strategically crucial. A sword blade which was frozen in a scabbard could be the reason why you would be wounded or even dead, when enemy attacked you by surprise.
Marcus Lucius sighted. Julia turned her head towards him. Her hair fell down freely and looked nice without the steady control of hair clasps. She looked relaxed and it was a welcomed change. Her cheeks were red, her hand trembled from the cold. Their eyes met and their looks were rather cheeky. They didn't think about the past or the future. It was the time for carpe diem and no considerations.
Marcus Lucius came closer to her steadily gazing.
-Kiss me. - She whispered.
He refused with his head's movement.
-Kiss me as if you would kiss your wife. - She almost begged and noticed that she overstepped the border. Her cheeks became red for another reason. He refused again. He had to control himself with highest attention and intense power. If he hadn't promised to Appius, if he hadn’t have to pretend being someone else, if he had gotten the revenge for De
cima and be sure that Julia could stay protected and unharmed, he would have kissed her. There were too many responsibilities that couldn't be ignored. He came closer and hugged her. She was confused.
-One day, we will come here again and I will do anything you order. I promise. - He said quietly as his hug became stronger.
She wasn't able to be sad. He was right. There were too many issues involved that it was silly to add another challenge that could make it more complicated like building a spider's web by a group of spiders at the same time. One bad or false movement and they were both lost. Even hidden from all people in the wildest corner of the woods, they didn't feel free enough to follow the wish they had in their hearts. Life used to be complicated, even if the intensions sometimes were so obvious like the blue sky with white clouds over our heads.
She wanted to say something overwhelmed by a further surprising attack of courage, probably due to the words he said. But when she said “I”, Marcus Lucius stepped back and laid the hand over her mouth. With the other hand, he signalled her to keep silence. His face changed the expression and looked concentrated. His muscles were tense. Within seconds, he turned back and kept holding her with the right arm.
Julia noticed the four warriors only the moment they appeared out of nowhere. One of them tried to steal Marcus Lucius's horse. The three other crept up on Marcus Lucius and Julia. The enemy circled around and Marcus Lucius stayed almost motionless. Julia thought that he should start fighting. She was afraid of being attacked. She looked around nervously. Marcus Lucius was the calmness himself. The more scared she was, the more relaxed he was.
At once, the three men attacked Marcus Lucius. Julia panicked and screamed. Marcus Lucius looked shortly to her. He pushed her aside, behind his back. If someone wanted to get her, they had to step past him first. Within seconds, he fought with three offenders so quickly that Julia wasn't able to follow his moves. She wasn't sure where he got his sword from and how often she heard the unpleasant sound of metallic, groaning rasping. The horrible grids were accompanied by drops of blood and Julia hoped that Marcus Lucius wasn't harmed. Jarring in the air didn't scare Marcus Lucius's horse. He moved a bit, struggled and resisted without any panic when one of the offenders tried to lead Hiberus away.
Within some moments, the fight was over. Marcus Lucius turned back to Julia immediately to see whether she was really unharmed. He was sorrowed, because she had some blood drops on her clothes and face. He wiped off the drops of offenders' blood from her skin and grinned broadly. He himself had just “some scratches” as he described it. He smiled, difficult to describe and understand for Julia. He had missed the fever of a fight in the last weeks. He was a killing machine and without fights, he was drying out like a plant without water in a sunny surrounding. Suddenly, he kissed her passionately, shortly. She was surprised and didn't do anything. When she finally was able to react, he was already helping her to ride the horse. Sitting on Hiberus, she watched as he went from one dead body to another to check the faces of his enemies. From one of them, he took a dagger with sculptural shaft. He peered at the weapon and hid it.
-They are not from here. They're from the North. - He said as nothing would have happened after the short fight.
Julia wondered how he came to these conclusions. He noticed her interested gaze, smiled and admired the view.
-They’re wearing warm clothes. They spoke the dialect I know from further North. I didn't understand everything. I spent a while in the North before. My father sent me there for a month, with Appius, to train.
Julia wondered about it. She didn't hear anybody speaking. Then, she didn’t know how long he had been here before and what he had learnt. She didn’t have many information about Marcus Lucius. He noticed the question marks in her eyes.
-Before I've joined the army, my father sent for me. I was here for a year, because my father was here. He came as support, because there were some problems with the local population. The Roman emperor was not happy the Celtic warriors started attacking his soldiers. It was complicated. My father was responsible for establishing peace.
-Did he succeed? - Julia asked after she listened attentively to every word he spoke.
-Yes, he did.
Then, he stopped explaining anything. He signalled her to be quiet again. He looked around and seemed to be tense again. She thought he was like her dog, that could feel someone's presence and pricked up his ears to be able to hear better. Marcus Lucius wasn't tense in a nervous way, more prepared and focussed. He moved slowly ignoring Julia's presence. He had the weird ability to look at her intensively, but in reality looking through her as if she would be air. At the same time, she wasn't sure whether he wasn't capable to search within the deepest corner of her soul. He wasn't smiling, but appeared friendly. His moves were fluent, minimal, but continuous. Then, he screamed something that Julia didn't understand. It sounded like a sentence, it wasn't just one word. Julia was scared, but tried not to show it. Hiberus startled. The surrounding became so strange and unknown to Julia that she felt insecure by not being able to be aware of every detail. She had already missed the first attackers and now, she apparently wasn't able to look through the camouflage of new enemies.
Just like plants and animals, the strange attackers had developed stunning characteristics and brilliant mechanisms to defend themselves passively or to observe their surrounding without being noticed. Obviously, Marcus Lucius had the skills to see them just like predators are able to target their victims. Julia wasn't able to see anyone, although she tried very hard. Her eyes became tired by the unsuccessful attempts.
With the same intensity she could have tried to look for the Indonesian Mimic Octopus and she wouldn't identify it. The animal has a unique ability to turn into virtually any colour or pattern. It is naturally brown, spotted but it can change its colour into ghost white or magnificent blue or fiery red or even mysterious pink, if it is needed. Though many representatives of the octopus family are known to change colour and skin texture, only the Mimic Octopus can take on the shape and features of other animals and surroundings. Julia missed the forest for the trees.
Marcus Lucius seemed to be able to identify everybody. After he screamed, a moment passed by before he got an answer. Julia didn't understand it again. It was a strange language. She trembled as she heard an unknown voice from somewhere close. Marcus Lucius didn't look scared, rather interested. He stretched the hands to the air and held his sword in the right hand. With the left hand, he reached for Julia. She wasn't sure whether she should give him his hand or not. He pointed at her with his arm, but he didn't touch her. Then again, he said something and it didn't take long, until some strangers appeared from the woods. As they came, they greeted him with a minimal movement of their heads. He nodded shortly, too. Julia stayed on the horse and her body felt like a piece of wood. She wondered about the whole situation. It was like dreaming a nightmare. Her heartbeat increased rapidly.
Marcus Lucius and the three men talked shortly. Julia was paralysed, but tried to get a closer look at the strangers. Their faces were quite white, they had big, full beards and dark, wild eyes. One of them had red, curly hair tied together. He was thicker than his companions and his fingers were fat, plump. The other two were as black as pitch and had hollow cheeks. Their height was comparable with Marcus Lucius's posture.
After a short talk, they disappeared into the woods and Marcus Lucius waited a while before he turned to Julia and politely but decisively ordered to ride back. She nodded automatically, without deliberating. Within seconds, he sat directly behind Julia on Hiberus. Hiberus stayed mostly calm since that stranger, who tried to steal him, was killed by Marcus Lucius. The spontaneous and strange meeting with the people from the woods didn't impress the animal at all.
Then, Marcus Lucius clapped on the horse's neck and they started riding back to Eboracum. The way seemed to be shorter than before. Julia felt the wind on her face and it wasn't pleasant. It whipped her strongly and she had to cry. She felt that M
arcus Lucius was tense but quiet. Hiberus was galloping so fast that the girl thought the animal was almost flying. It didn't seem like the wished for flight on a Pegasus. She wanted to go back to Italy, where the air was warmer and people were friendlier.
As they returned, Marcus Lucius was still quiet and if Julia knew him better, she would have even described him as a bit nervous. He accompanied her quickly to her chamber and went out. Julia followed him secretly and saw how he shortly talked to Nerva. Nerva nodded hastily and seemed to be worried. Then, Nerva went to another part of the villa, apparently searching for Octavian, and Marcus Lucius turn around to come back to Julia.
When she saw this she quickly went back to the chamber. She didn't want him to know that she followed him. She was fast: she ran like thunder to be in her room before Marcus Lucius. She didn't mind the bruises she got while she hooked twice on columns. Hastily, but with a lucky smile, she landed on her bed with a rapidly moving chest. She was tired and tried to make an innocent impression when Marcus Lucius stepped into the room again.
-You need to rest. - She said.
He gave her a short look and noticed her excitement, but he didn't comment on it. She was sure that she tricked him, so she smiled brighter, satisfied. He didn't want to upset her right now. She needed a cheerful moment, during such hard days.
Instead of coming to her, Marcus Lucius stared at her and stayed like a sculpture for a longer while. Her smile vanished and he went to the heavy, wooden desk and sat down at the table next to the massive piece of furniture. The moment of cheerfulness was over. The seriousness came back to the room. He laid his arms on the desk's surface and seemed to be completely absorbed in thoughts.
-I'll bring you something to eat. - Julia suggested, but he didn't react. There was something in his look that made her uneasy.
Actually, it wasn't a task for a Roman lady to serve food, but she needed to go out and talk with Octavian. She had already a structure of a plan, but she needed to clear some details with herself.
While Marcus Lucius totally ignored her, she fled to Octavian. At first, she asked Cornelius's soldiers to stay at her husband's door and observe him. He wasn't supposed to leave the room now. He had to rest. The two legionnaires nodded, but were visibly surprised by her request. She didn't use to talk with them at all. It was indeed the very first time she said something directly to them. Cornelius ordered them to listen to her, but up to now there was no opportunity for it. As they confirmed to her to keep watch, she smiled and thanked them. Without any further delay, she set off in the targeted direction. Starting with small steps, she ended up with the second run she accomplished that day. She ran past the cold walls and stylish, proud columns that appeared to her rather like marble soldiers than just classic pillars for holding the roof.
On her way through the villa, she organized her thoughts. She was full of emotions, but for the very first time, she knew inside what she wanted to do. She needed help and Octavian was the only person she could involve into her plan. He wasn't a kind of a man she liked from the very beginning. She even hated him for his impersonal, cold appearance and the pain he caused. She never forgot how he had burnt Marcus Lucius chest. It was necessary, but she would have felt more comfortable about it, if Octavian had explained the reasons for his actions. After Marcus Lucius's condition was better and observing how a friendship developing between Marcus Lucius and Octavian, Julia needed to use the tiny, but strong thread between the men.
Out of breath, she stepped into the room where Octavian used to stay, when he wasn't accompanying her or Marcus Lucius. Julia knew where Octavian's place was, because she had talked twice to the slaves taking care of the house order. They secretly explained to her how to come to every corner of this villa and even showed her some hideouts. The slaves were friendly, because they were satisfied with her being the domina of the house. Julia used to treat them in a good, polite way. It was impossible not enjoying serving her. She never had any special wishes and was always very kind in praising the service of the servants.
The guards in front of Octavian's room stepped aside when they saw Julia coming. They didn't speak a word and let her come into the room. She had an iron, determined expression in her eyes as if she wasn't ready and willing to explain anything. She emitted the kind of energy that couldn't be stopped. The guards didn't follow her.
Octavian lay on his bed. His eyes were closed, but as he noticed a movement or a noise in the room, he stood up automatically. When he noticed her, he saluted. He wondered what she was doing in his room. She wasn't able to talk because she was out of breath, so he waited a moment until her breath calmed down.
-You have to convince him to flee. He should flee before my wagon starts rolling. - She whispered stuttering still fighting against the exertion of the run. There was no welcoming phrase, there was no introduction. The iron shades in the eyes emitted seriousness. Octavian didn't doubt the determination behind her action, but he couldn't recognize her reasons.
-What are you talking about? - Octavian was still overwhelmed by her surprising appearance.
-Marcus Lucius has to flee. It's a perfect plan and if you help him, he may have his revenge on the man who killed his wife.
Octavian shook his head with automatic, spontaneous refusal. However, he didn't think Julia's statement was inconsistent, nor out of nowhere. There was no foothold where he could start following her thoughts. She looked him in the eyes. His face wasn't covered with the expression of surprise anymore. It looked ordinary: no emotions, just a cold surface of rational attitude. Julia knew that she had to explain way what she meant in more detailed, in order for Octavian to understand her. She stepped forward and whispered so quietly that he had to strain himself to listen to her.
-If Marcus Lucius flees now, then nobody of us will be harmed. Appius could say he supported me and didn't know who was on my side. I could say that my husband is a faint-hearted, when I reach my father's house. You could easily return to Appius after you brought me to Naples. Marcus Lucius can have his vengeance. Everybody will be satisfied.
They stood very close and Octavian felt her warmth and her breath on his shoulder. The scent of her hair was desirable. The words she spoke sounded logical. However, he was not convinced.
-Marcus Lucius is no faint-hearted and he won't leave the legions just for his personal reasons.
-Maybe he is not, but Maxentius was. - Julia sounded unfamiliar with the iron note in her voice.
Octavian nodded while he was still thinking about what she said. He didn't like the idea. It meant that he would already lose her from the next day. Her plan was good, but didn't take spontaneous occurrences that could happen under consideration. It simply assumed a specific correlation of independent incidents and didn't take into account any unpredictable factors. It was an ideal vision and showed that she was rather an optimist than a strategist.
-He did it already once as he rid to Rome alone. - Julia added coldly, because Octavian didn't say a word.
Her tone wasn't the usual one. She seemed to be distanced and empty of emotions. It wasn't a good sign. Octavian was worried about her. He asked himself which reasons she had to send Marcus Lucius away.
-He won't leave. He gave his word to Appius. It's stronger than any other responsibility.
Octavian knew that Marcus Lucius swore to be responsible for Julia without hurting her. Marcus Lucius had to protect her in any necessary way without building any deeper relationship. Appius made that clear in one of the letters Nerva had brought.
-Then tell him that he has to protect Appius.
Octavian didn't like the argument, even if it was good and it showed that Julia was better prepared than he assumed. He refused. Playing the Appius's card wasn't a part of his plan. Julia noticed his refusal, although his face didn't change at all. He was as emotionless as usually. He was like a rock: she could even yell at him and he wouldn't react in any human way.
-Then tell him that he has to let me go. He will do anything to guarantee
my well-being.
Her arguments were logical. She wasn't polite, she didn't stick to the rules of talk. She didn't play around. He didn't expect her to. What made him sad was her cold surface and self-control. This threw him off the track. He wasn't sure how to deal with the situation. The little, dainty, innocent Julia stood in front of him and spoke in a way she never did before. His internal refusal didn't show on his lips or in his eyes. He nodded to show he understood what she was talking about, but he didn't like the plan. He wished to be able to contact Appius, but there was no way to do it in such a short time. Octavian was a good soldier, but he didn't like being the decision-maker.
-Think about it. It's your turn now. - She said and turned around. Then, she left him standing like a monument of Mars, the god of war, ready to fight within a second, if needed.
The weightiness of the talk made him sit down on his bed. He contemplated and analysed the whole scene and every word Julia had said. He wasn't sure what she wanted to achieve by sending Marcus Lucius away. Officially, he was a deserter and anyone, who saw him, was clearly, unmistakably obligated to notify any Roman soldier. Marcus Lucius had to be caught and punished for his free, unsolicited desertion. Any, even the smallest sign of knowing anything about Marcus Lucius, could have bad consequences including the death penalty. Whether Julia knew it or not, was not the most crucial factor, but definitely one of the important ones. Octavian knew that he was risking a lot, but as long as Appius gave orders, Octavian was ready to submit himself. Even if Appius wouldn't stand up for the masquerade, Octavian would play the game as long as Julia was part of it. As long as she was the cute, lovely phenomenon to him, he would stay on her side. With this latest occurrence, she lost something indescribable in Octavian's eyes. He was dashed and couldn't move. The storm of thoughts overwhelmed him.
When Julia came back to Marcus Lucius, he was still sitting with his head captured in his hands, pillowed on the wooden desk. He was thinking about the possibilities and responsibilities that occurred after Cornelius's suggestion. He wasn't able to foresee the coming changes with all their consequences. He was sure that he had to take over the supervision of the camp, which would bring more contact with people. Meeting legionnaires would increase the risk that his identity could be put into question. The more people he met the more probable was that he could be recognised. It wasn't even the problem. What occupied Marcus Lucius's mind was the consequence of it for people involved into the situation. As long as he would be the only person to suffer the fallouts, he found it acceptable. However, he strongly assumed that he wouldn't be the only person affected. Starting with his private vengeance, now the situation has developed in a way that too many people were in danger. He thought about Appius, who could be accused of betrayal of the Roman army. Octavian could be accused of being Appius's assistant the same way as Nerva and Appius's other men. And Julia was in immediate danger. She had only very few possibilities to escape from this massacre. She could say that she was forced to play the game. However, she had enough opportunities to flee. Now, she had the perfect pretext to clean up her name. She should use the moment to get back the security and return the risk that she had to carry with poker face. Marcus Lucius wasn't sure how she should leave the circle of involved persons without descending plunging of other affected parties. His headache was caused mostly by worries about Julia. There was no time to think. There was no time to make plans. He wanted to discuss the issues with Octavian, but Nerva said that Octavian was sleeping. Always on duty, always tens, when a soldier earned a moment of rest it should be respected.
There was another aspect that echoed in Marcus Lucius's head. The unknown warriors came from the North and posed a new danger for the camp. They threaded to come back with more forces. They weren't happy about losing three men. They acted respectfully, but their intention was clear. As the new general staff officer, he had to establish a different rhythm of patrols and organise more protection for the locals. He had to support the local civilians to get more acceptance for the Roman supervision. Such activities required more public appearance and that again increased the risk of being spotted. It made him worry about the involved, well-informed persons and the circle of suspicions and sorrows became a doom loop. This way or another, he was completely occupied with his thoughts. He felt so secure and at ease in Julia’s bedroom that he didn't notice her short absence. Even if she wasn't present for about half an hour, he didn't notice it.
He didn't react as she sat down on the bed, staring at him. He appeared to be so attractive and so wounded that she wanted to help him immediately, clearly, unconditionally. She gazed at him with a special kind of adorability. She was so in love with him and persuading herself that it wasn't true was the most exhausting of all activities.
She was unsettled, because she wanted Octavian to convince Marcus Lucius to flee. She saw it as the only possibility to rescue him. She had a good plan to set free everyone. While Marcus Lucius would flee, the person he was supposed to play, Maxentius, would occur as a coward, a poltroon, a person who brings shame and disgrace for the entire family. He would posthumously get what he deserved. Marcus Lucius would have the opportunity to get his revenge. He loved his wife and should get the opportunity to settle the score. Then, Appius could step back as a helpful, loyal soldier, who gave aid to an old friend. Appius's men like Octavian and Nerva would be off the hook. Everybody could be satisfied, noble as the monuments of gods presented in the temples.
She thought a lot about Marcus Lucius's attention and love to his wife. She knew that nobody would sacrifice so much for her like Marcus Lucius's did for Decima. He left the camp, he went to Rome, he wished to kill her killer even if he died on his way to revenge. She knew that he felt responsible for her and obligated to Appius, therefore, he paused his mission. Forbearance is not acquittance. Julia wanted to discharge his promised debt. The world would be clear and easy for him again. That was her wish. The rest was unimportant.
He caught her look finally and she was confused, abashed. She looked somewhere else, but every now and then, she checked whether he was gazing somewhere else as before. The same way he stared at the desk, he gazed at her right now. It was unpleasant in a pleasant way. She wasn't sure why he fixed his look on her and what he saw. His eyes were vivid, followed every change in her mimic.
She wanted to know what he was thinking, but she didn't dare to ask him. It was the kind of look she already felt in the woods today. She didn't expect him to be so spontaneous and quick. She didn't expect him to be so active and passionate. She loved the kiss, although or maybe because it was so impulsive, full of love... Love? Was it really love? She wasn't sure. It was a positive, strong emotion. He was responsible for her, but he was a man with needs. He had a moment of weakness. She knew she looked similar to his wife, otherwise he wouldn't have called her “Decima” for so many days. She wished to be loved in such way at least for a day.
As in her innocent childhood, she started dreaming about meeting the love of her life. She didn't dare to think she would find the warm, sensitive, emphatic arms of the feeling that could wing even an elephant to fly, that could make you look at the world from another, pink perspective full of hope, convinced that people were reliable, friendly and not self-seeking, that your value is defined by the look you get from the lover and not by the betrayal of your family selling you for political advantages. She dreamt about love like between the wide-winged and long-living albatrosses that are rarely seen on land, that prefer to stay out on the ocean except to mate and raise their youngs. Julia didn't know that albatrosses pair for life and that it takes many years to find a new mate if their partner was killed – if they find a new partner at all. She didn’t have a clue, but she wished to build such a strong connection with someone. She was sure it was possible to be blessed with such ties, that these could exist. Marcus Lucius and Decima were the best, tangible example. It was possible and already the opportunity was worth daring to believe that she could get at least a shadow of real love. Actu
ally, she already felt a shadow of real love every now and then, when Marcus Lucius reversed the women present in his life. It was enough for her. Apparently, she didn't deserve to be loved for real, but she was worth getting a shadow of the strongest interpersonal attraction ever, including passionate desire, intimacy and psychological importance.
The Roman world used Latin language with several different verbs, amongst all “amare” that basically means “to love” as it is still in use in today's Italian. The Romans used it to describe an affectionate sense as well as compressing the romantic sense or for indicating love affairs or sexual adventures. She wasn't sure what kind of attraction she felt for Marcus Lucius. Already analysing it was amusing, cheerful and alluring. She felt comfortable with the idea of being enchanted by Marcus Lucius without having direct interaction. It made her feel safe and sovereign.
She heard that there was a coup de foudre, attraction at the first blush, love at first sight. After having analysed the love theory a million moments, she came to the conclusion that falling in love wasn't a moment. It was a process. It had to be a process. The sentence of processing phases could be captured in a moment or take years, but there was a chronology of falling in love. There was a first look, which decided whether there was a need for the second look. There was a comparison of attributes that one was linking to the attributes one didn't like at all. These characteristic included the optic and the emotionally mediated impression. The result of the calculated slip was groundwork for the further decision making process producing a probability of the final choice. The probability of rational choice was the smaller, the more emotional and instinctive aspects were involved minus the percentage of willingness to conform the social conditioning rules. Love and life is all about observations based on instincts.
She somehow unconsciously knew that social enforcements determined her distance and impossibility to talk to or to like people, to get closer to the true, natural instincts. Therefore, she started using her imagination as replacement for the reality. Her hidden thoughts were a nice change and great joker in the limited, insecure, treacherous world.
Marcus Lucius still had a mysterious, desirably warm look, and he was still concentrated. The wrinkles on his forehead showed the existence of worries and wonderings, but there was no hint of their content. Julia would pay anything to know his secrets.
The day was over. The night appeared. The calmness was interrupted by a sudden, dynamic movement. Marcus Lucius stood up hastily, but fluently. Without looking at Julia, he left the room. She asked what he was going to do, but he didn't answer. He simply went away. Cornelius's soldiers stared at them both and decided not to interact in any way. As Julia started departing, they moved succeeding her. Marcus Lucius wasn't amused by the special escort.
Apparently, he wanted to talk to Octavian and needed privacy. He chose the route that Julia had used twice that day. She tried to follow him, but he noticed her presence even without the armed company. Marcus Lucius turned back to her and although his face looked emotionless like Octavian's, his eyes burnt like hell. It wasn't possible to decode his mood. Under the surface of strict neutrality, he was a volcano right before explosion. It was only a matter of time when the eruption would take place and Julia wasn't sure whether she wanted to be near. The rational side of her brain whispered to stay away from him, but her heart invited her to follow him. They stood in a hallway between many columns with classic, bright pride captured in their stony, quiet inside. They witnessed the short talk between Julia and Marcus Lucius. Cornelius's men stayed at honourable distance allowing some kind of privacy. Julia didn't notice how Marcus Lucius signalled them to stop. He simply moved his arm quickly, mostly the right hand, stretched it and for a moment held a determined gesture. Therefore, they stopped. Julia almost walked into Marcus Lucius's chest, because she didn't expect him to stop and turn around.
-You should stay in your room. Go back. - He said firmly. His eyes didn't look friendly, rather unsettled.
-What is going on? - She asked. She dared to be direct, because she was talking to him. She wouldn't feel so free in anyone else's company.
-You should go back. Prepare yourself for your journey. Let the men talk. - He spoke emotionless. The whole picture of him being nice and caring was gone, while she looked at his cold surface. He appeared as a beautiful, antagonistic person.
He didn't realize how inconsistent his words sounded. He, the man who respected women, treated Julia obviously like a child. It wasn't the whole truth. He was aware that some people had to live with his decisions and he wanted to make it easier for all who wanted to blame someone for the current state.
She didn't follow him as he turned back and went in the previously chosen direction. Obviously, he wanted to meet Octavian and he didn't slow down until he found him. If Octavian hadn’t rested, he would have welcomed the travellers directly after their arrival. Marcus Lucius respected the moment of peaceful rest and gave Octavian enough time for it. The break was over, and Marcus Lucius went dynamically, rhythmically and straightforward. His steps echoed in the air as Julia stood lost in the hallway. She didn't go back and she didn't go forward. She tried to analyse the situation she was in. She leant on one of the cold, inhuman columns and stayed there, thinking about what Octavian was supposed to fix for the future. She was curious whether Octavian would support her idea.
In the same time, Cornelius's legionnaires kept their distance and observed how Julia sat down with her back against the nearest column. She laid her head on her knees and her hair covered her face. She had to wait and see what Marcus Lucius was going to do. He was the doer forced to stay passive. She had to live with his upcoming announcement.
It felt like hours until Marcus Lucius came back. Julia was already asleep in an uncomfortable position on the floor. She was tired of contemplating about the sense of life and possible, imaginary love. She was tired of being alone with her problems. Marcus Lucius had Octavian, Nerva and any other soldier, with whom he could speak. He had his trainings, where he could let off pressure. He had his horse and the freedom to go out anytime he wanted. She had nothing, no friends, no trainings, no possibility to flee. She was tired of pretending being a well-bred daughter. She was terribly tired of behaving as if she was alive, instead of pretending to live. She woke up suddenly. Marcus Lucius was carrying her along the corridor and took her cautiously to her bed.
-Hush, hush. - He whispered when he noticed woke up. She wasn't completely conscious, but extraordinary curiosity forced her to ask:
-What do you plan?
She meant the entire big picture, not only the piece of the plan related to her. With her sleepy eyes, she followed the movements of his lips and tried to stay concentrated on what she heard.
-Octavian said I should go to Appius. He wants to accompany me.
Julia smiled with relief. Octavian had recognized the advantages of her plan. That was good news. She needed to know when Marcus Lucius was supposed to leave Eboracum. It was important for her to say goodbye to him before her journey began.
-What do you think? Should I stay or should I go? - Marcus Lucius asked unexpectedly.
-Go. - She answered without reflexion. It was an impulse of her heart and she wasn't aware that it didn't sound good to Marcus Lucius. He took it as a relief of letting him go. He was sure she wanted to leave him at the earliest convenience. Her dreamy smile signalled the memory of her dead husband to him or simply being glad to be more independent again. He hadn’t expected expect it.
As she lay in the bed, he sat down on the chair next to the wooden, massive desk. He had mixed emotions and was confused. Octavian sounded not convincing when he suggested to flee with Marcus Lucius. However, Marcus Lucius wasn't a deserter. He served in the army abidingly, truly, loyal. It wasn't a nice feeling to know that his private decision to go to Rome resulted in the judgement of being a deserter. He wasn’t happy about it. Another escape attempt would just confirm his deserter's gene. He didn't like the idea of being on the run
. He wanted to confront the truth without making big circles around it. Going to Appius now would precipitate his possibility for revenge. He was still angry with Quintus and he wanted to have a direct fight. However, it wasn't easy to leave Julia. He didn't expect him to struggle so much because of the girl he didn't even know much. He was responsible for her and he managed his task well. Additionally, he played his role of Julia's husband well. He liked being near her and if he could wish anything, he wanted to be her guard for further weeks, months, or even years. However, she didn't want him on her side. She smiled through her dreamy surface and enjoyed his descent. He had to respect it, too. It was the argument that turned the balance.
While Marcus Lucius was in rather dark, gloomy mood accompanied by letdown, Julia dreamt about stars. She was always impressed by the Greeks introducing the heavens as a great, solid dome, which could be forged of bronze with fixed, heavenly constellations. She wanted to look at the Titan Atlas, who stood either beneath the axis of heaven in the far north, in the land of the Hyperboreans and had to spin the dome around upon his shoulders. Atlas was responsible for the rise and settle of stars. When she looked at the night sky, she remembered all legends and stories about gods and heroes, about their actions and their fates. She wanted to move and stay somewhere over the rainbow, on a lonely star without any connection to stories about heroes or monsters who received a place in heaven in memorial of their deeds. She appreciated the value of reading the stars as an aid to navigation and looked to the night sky with hopes to find the guidepost. Stars, the tiny, little, sparkling points on the night sky, were like a map within other patterns and motions of the celestial sphere that guided people through the sea of life. She needed a guide who would tell her how her journey might end. She wanted answers or at least a reliable forecast. If she could jump through the time zones and see what was going to happen in two weeks or three months or where she would have been in a year, she would calm down. If Mercury, the speedy messenger god, revolving around the sun, would take her on a ride for an eye wink, she could maybe see how Marcus Lucius's fate was combined with hers. She wanted him to be somewhere around her, like the twelve constellations of the zodiac were in a direct proximity of each other or like Andromeda, the princess of Ethiopia, and her mother Cassiopeia, the beautiful wife of Cepheus, king of Ethiopia.
What Julia didn't know, all humans are made of stardust. It sounds like a line from a poem, but there is some solid science behind this statement too: almost every element on Earth was formed at the heart of a star. After the Big Bang, tiny particles bound together to form hydrogen and helium. As time went on, young stars formed when clouds of gas and dust gathered under the effect of gravity, heating up as they became denser. At the stars’ cores, bathed in temperatures of over 10 million degrees C, hydrogen and then helium nuclei fused to form heavier elements within the reaction known as nucleosynthesis. Carbon was made of the dead stars, so we all are made of dead stars. Julia was nearer to her wish than she ever expected.
In the early morning hours, shortly after sunrise, everything was already prepared. Marcus Lucius wasn't able to sleep, so he arranged the entire preparation. Octavian and Nerva met him while he gave the last orders to Cornelius's soldiers. He wanted Julia to come back to Naples safely.
Before he left, he checked whether she was already awake. She stood some meters away from a small window, on the other side of the fireplace. The fire played the last time and the last of the wood had already turned into ashes. She wore the same dress as the day before. She looked tired, but somewhat happy. He assumed she was already enjoying the thought of going back to her family.
-I'm leaving as you wish. - He said and Julia was stunned about his neutral tone. It was a clear statement without emotions. She wondered how he could switch off his feelings and came to the conclusion that he apparently didn’t have so many feelings for her. It was obvious to her that she had been persuading herself of another reality, another truth and that it had to stop. Marcus Lucius was not so different to Octavian, who continuously showed his lack of emotions. Marcus Lucius gave up the role of the lovely husband. That was reality.
She wasn't able to say any goodbye. She didn't want to show him how much she cared for him, if he didn't care for her at all. The thought that he was free made her sad, but it was too late to change it. He should live in good and health. He should be saved and never look back at the time spent with her. She didn't know why it was so hard to let him go. It was supposed to be so much easier, happier, faster. She didn't say a word and just nodded like a nodding dog.
He didn't step forward to look her in the eyes. She thought it was better, because he wasn't able to see her tears appearing already on her surface. Suppressing her tears was painful and exhausting.
Marcus Lucius didn't come closer, because he wasn't sure whether he could look her in the eyes and simply leave. He was still confused and so not convinced about behaving in the right way. Everything seemed to be well-orchestrated and correctly ordered. However, he had a feeling he was still missing a crucial detail.
It wasn't a convenient situation. Neither Julia nor Marcus Lucius felt well and both weren't sure what to say or how to handle it. Finally, Marcus Lucius left the room and out of the corner of his eye, he saw how Julia fell down to the ground. She smiled, so she wasn't hurt or injured. She seemed to be relieved and satisfied with the goodbye scene. He hushed and went out to the troop of legionnaires who were going back to Appius.
Marcus Lucius wondered what Octavian was doing among them. He was supposed to accompany Julia. Octavian reported that Nerva took over the task to take care about Julia. Nerva and four of Appius's soldiers were the private escort for the girl they had rescued some months ago. Octavian didn't intend to provide more detailed information to Marcus Lucius what the reasons for this change were. Actually, nobody was in the mood to talk.
-We must hurry. - Octavian whispered and pointed with his head's movement into the direction where Cornelius's soldiers were gathered. Nobody wanted the information about Marcus Lucius leaving with Appius's legionnaires to spread. If it was supposed to be a successful and convincing action, Cornelius should get the information about Maxentius's desertion late enough to not be able to influence the situation. The group around Octavian took the horses and rode away. Marcus Lucius kept the middle position for a while. After they left the villa, he slowed down and turned back to look at the house where he spent last weeks for the last time. The entire group kept up their speed and moved off continuously. Just one of the riders slowed down rapidly and turned to Marcus Lucius.
-You're not ready for the journey. Stay here. - Octavian's voice was surprisingly determined and rough. Some hours earlier, it was Octavian who suggested the planned desertion. Now, it was him of all people, who had changed his mind. Marcus Lucius was surprised about this change. He shook his head and spoke hurriedly:
-It doesn't matter. I have to clear the situation there. I can't stay here and do nothing.
He thought about his wife and Quintus. All the anger came back, but not with the expected strength. There was enough space in his mind to be sad about leaving Julia. He didn't like such tearing up of his person.
-Do what Appius said.
-I should pretend to be a man I am not. It's not my true nature. I stand up for myself and take the responsibility for my actions. - Marcus Lucius was as determined and straight as Octavian. Their eyes showed that neither of them was able to step back from the chosen position.
Octavian followed Appius’ last advice and led the argument away from rational points. Appius foresaw the will of Marcus Lucius to stay focussed on rational argumentation. Therefore, Appius advised to bring him out of his track with emotional aspects. He was not only a man of honour, but also a man trying to protect anyone he liked. Appius was already informed about the friendly relationship between Julia and her pretended husband. He felt there was something going on.
-If you intend to leave her, you can kill her right now. - Octavian was quit
e clear and observed very carefully what Marcus Lucius was going to do. In the rising sun, Marcus Lucius seemed to be confused. He didn't expect this and lost his confidence for a short moment.
-That's not true. Her father is still alive. She goes back to her family. - Marcus Lucius was thrown out of his track. He felt insecure, even though he hid his unsteadiness well. Octavian knew that he had chosen the right tone. He had to follow his line of arguments, so he added hastily, angrily:
-You have no idea how she fought for you. - Octavian turned around and left Marcus Lucius.
Octavian couldn't sleep all night and thought about Julia's last visit. The longer he analysed it the more sure he was that she simply proved how strong she was. Her affection for Marcus Lucius had its origins in her heart and Octavian was angry that she chose somebody else to risk everything she had for Marcus Lucius. He was disappointed by her choice, even though he knew that she was out of his league. One smile would be enough to make him happy for a week or longer. If she gave him at least one hundredth of her attention and care, he would be blessed with fortune for a year. If he got as much back up from her as Marcus Lucius had, then Octavian would feel at least as powerful and desired as Zeus. He knew that he wouldn't gain anything in this matter, so he decided to leave the scene, where he could only watch the development of the close, natural feeling between Marcus Lucius and Julia. It would only frustrate him, before his love even had a chance to begin. It was the disadvantage of being in love with someone who didn't know you existed. It was predominantly unequally distributed. There was no happy end in sight. He considered it rationally. It was all that was left to him. He didn’t have any good memories of Julia smiling at him or backing him up. He discovered that he was riding a dead horse, so he dismounted.
This internal letdown increased as Octavian saw that Marcus Lucius didn't notice Julia's affection. He wondered how it was possible not to see it, when everything was in front of him. Was it even probable to not to have something in own sight when you have it in mind?
It was so obvious that Julia wasn't unimportant to Marcus Lucius, the blind fool. The rage forced Octavian to go away. He didn't want to look at Marcus Lucius anymore. As a good friend, Octavian felt relieved when he noticed that Marcus Lucius didn't follow him. As a person who was in love with Julia, he wished her to be happy. His own well-being was secondary matter.
Marcus Lucius didn't follow anyone for a longer while. He sat on his horse and contemplated about what Octavian had said. There was a kind of confusion within him that he didn't know up to now. Normally, he would go with Octavian anyway, without thinking about a girl, he didn't even know really. He was a dead man already, so he didn't care about himself. He ignored the strange, unknown pain in his chest. It wasn't any wound he had. It wasn't any wound he could ever get from anyone.
When he ran out of the house this morning, in the last shadows of the night, all he could feel was the wish for revenge. His past forced him to look back in anger. He wanted to go back to Brigetio, find Quintus and kill him. It wasn't his wish to kill Quintus in a slow way anymore. Just a simple deprivation of Quintus's life would be enough, after Julia ignored his presence. She closed the imaginary doors and he needed to open an imaginary window to have an exit in sight. He felt incomplete for no reason. He doubted so many things that he almost freaked out completely. He wondered why all his strategy from the very beginning, was put into question. He loved Decima, but a question put itself into his mind: was it right to go away anyway? He wasn't sure and this doubt was scary. He didn’t have a free mind and he wasn't able to decide what to do. Once a doubt surfaced, it didn't let allow peace of mind anymore. Doubts have a bad habit to sneak up slowly, continuously through the backdoors of subconsciousness. When the suburbia of rationality has already been affected, they conquer the parts of the brain responsible for feeling safe and sure about what a person was thinking. Suddenly, nothing has the same value anymore. The doubt asks your feeling of certainty “Is it sure what you convey?”, then “How sure are you anyway?” and “What makes you feel so sure about it?” follow. The strategy of doubt is to take apart every piece of a statement including its promises and its consequences. Then, putting every detail into question ensues. The cheeky and treacherous way of doubts had brought souls apart. The mills of God grind slowly. Constant dripping wears the stone. The march of doubt is unavoidable.
Marcus Lucius couldn't fight back. Staying in the field, just a few yards away from the house in Britannia where Maxentius and Julia were supposed to live, he thought about the girl he shouldn't have in mind. Up to now, he tried to ignore her presence and the slim chances of a further coexistence. It was obvious to him that there was no common future for them. He had his reasons and she had her reasons to keep on living a separate life. He had to take vengeance for Decima. She had to go back to Julius Fabius and probably, she would remarry. Everyone had obligations derived from his or her own past. Following the road of obligations was prescribed as a consequence of former actions.
After the short conversation with Octavian, Marcus Lucius thought about the circumstances of Julia's marriage. The seed of doubt was already implanted. It was indeed strange that her father gave her – of all human beings - to Maxentius. Everybody knew that Maxentius wasn't the best or even a good match. The members of the Fabii family usually picked potential husbands and wives carefully. They were the best example for using the strategy typical for families with both wealth and political standing, whose largely inherited money would follow both their sons and daughters. It was called consortium, what meant sharing of property, usually used in a technical sense, but also in the context of marriage. Both parties had to be willing and intend to marry, and both needed their fathers' consent. If all other legal conditions were met, a marriage was arranged. The more prominent her family, the less it was likely that the girl would have much choice regarding age, appearance or character of her first husband.
Marcus Lucius knew it, but he cudgelled his brains with the question “Why Maxentius?” It appeared increasingly irrational to him to give up the strategy used for years, and the improbability of this fact, made him think about what Maxentius had to offer to buy into the Fabii family. It was impossible to find out the reasons without a better analysis, without more time. If Marcus Lucius came to Brigetio to kill Quintus, he would reveal at least two points: his existence and Maxentius's death.
If Julia's father gave her to Maxentius, it wasn't predictable to whom she would be given next time. In this sense, he thought that Julia was possibly even more lost and alone than she was with Maxentius, real or fake, as her husband. As long as people were convinced that she was still married, she could be protected. Remembering her care and help during the last weeks, he wasn't able to leave her alone at all. Marcus Lucius analysed whether this was the matter Octavian had in mind when he had angrily said: “You have no idea how she fought for you.”
The longer he thought about it the more convinced he was that he should return to the villa. The more he became aware of this the longer he waited in the fields. He waited to see when the convoy of Cornelius's would pass him, but there were no wagons or soldiers on horses in sight. It was strange, because he witnessed how they were preparing to leave. He had to go back and say he accompanied Octavian's troop to bow out beyond the villa. He could turn this into a friendly gesture.
He was increasingly aware of the fact that he had to give up his revenge plan for a moment and stay at the side of the being he had to protect. Even if didn't know Julia very closely, even if it put him into an inconvenient position, he had to decide and do what was less wrong and more right. Marcus Lucius had to trust Appius. He had to rely on his father's friend and wait for news and orders.
The sun was almost at the zenith when Marcus Lucius slowly started riding back to the house in Eboracum, a fort and city in Roman Britain, also known as Eburacum. The Roman conquest of Britain began in 43 AD but first General Quintus Petillius Cerialis led the Ninth Legion and constructed a milit
ary fortress consisting of turf ramparts on a green wood foundation, later rebuilt in stone, on flat ground above the River Ouse near its junction with the River Foss in 71 AD. Then, Cerialis was appointed Governor of Britain. Marcus Lucius remembered the Roman invasion and it was easier to stay focussed on the history than on emotions.
Half way, he heard some noise. His warrior instinct woke up on the spot. Something in the air smell like a fight. He couldn't define what had caught his attention. His horse wasn't unsettled, because it was trained for such situations. Marcus Lucius directed Hiberus behind trees, where the noises came from. His assumption was right. There was a fight. He wasn't prepared. He had given all his armour to Octavian. Except a helmet, he didn’t have anything that could protect him during the attack. His winter clothes weren't the best when it came to flexibility, but he didn't mind.
Within less than few seconds, he assessed the prospects. He saw that a group of Roman soldiers were fighting against approximately fifty local warriors. The offenders had superiority in numbers, but the Romans had the superiority of force. Even without proper equipment, he was ready to action and to throw himself into combat. Directly after joining the fight, he took a sword from one of the opposing warriors while riding towards them. They were surprised by an unarmed man and they didn't expect him to act so professionally. This was their last thought before they got injured. Then, Marcus Lucius wounded two more offenders. The years of training and the experience forced him to move in a special, dynamic, predatory way. He dominated the battle field. Suddenly, every eye followed his moves. His skills were extraordinary and a real spectacle of one actor with dynamic, power and zeal. His moves were so fascinating and his technique was so well-trained that everyone gazed at him with envy. It was easy for him to win over the enemy. He didn't even get tired. He forced himself stronger during his trainings.
For the observers, his moves looked as if he was just blowing down tin or wooden soldiers. The other Romans appreciated his contribution. The local warriors were negatively surprised and screamed “Go back! Go back!” in their language.
Marcus Lucius stopped the Romans from following the troops that tried to save their wounded members. They went back to the woods and kept watching Marcus Lucius.
-They're backtracking! - He screamed to the Roman soldiers. - Let them pull back!
The legionnaires listened to him and didn't reject the command, even if it would be quite easy to extinguish the enemy in that moment. The legionnaires stood and looked with admiration at the one, who was a natural born killer machine. They recognized his domination blindly, without a murmur, instinctively. He didn't realize what happened and how important it was for him. He observed the respect in the eyes of the legionnaires, independently whether they were wounded or not. They felt the fever of the fight. They felt like winners, even if they didn't contribute a lot to the win. The attitude of being a champion, my friends, was incalculable.
In a talk directly after the battle, Marcus Lucius was informed that two local warriors had started the ambush and tried to trap the Romans. That weren't the men from the North as Marcus Lucius noticed. The pitfall was well prepared and almost ten legionnaires were caught, badly injured. While the others tried to save them, the local warriors started attacking the soldiers directly and the fight rose. Marcus Lucius stepped in in the moment the combat achieved the point of no return. The chances were balanced and only a crucial detail could change the perspectives. And then, Marcus Lucius appeared and the Roman victory was clear.
The soldiers didn’t see a man, but a lion fighting with fire in his eyes and dynamics in his moves. Even without armour, he was dangerous and frightening. He was effective and possessed the beauty of motion that they admired. They didn't expect him to be so brave and defensive. As far as they knew, Maxentius used to be a lousy warrior, but not a commander. Apparently, the rumours they knew weren't true. The man, who sat on his horse and screamed “Let them pull back!” had an extraordinary presence. They were impressed. The smell of the victory was a pleasant scent and made them addicted. It worked like the good feeling under the influence of street drugs. It can make you feel better, but only for a while. The mood of being the champion of the world lasted just for some hours, long enough to return to the camp and let the others salute.
Marcus Lucius was accompanied by the group of soldiers and helped to carry the wounded legionnaires on his shoulder. They were unsure about his direct service. He was supposed lead the group on at the head of train, not to be an ordinary part of it. Ten soldiers were dead. Eight were wounded heavily. The rest, thirteen men, were partially injured, but not seriously hurt. They were mostly conscious and thankful for the supportive attitude. They celebrated the victory and chanted the name of Maxentius. The good mood automatically influenced other legionnaires who stood and saluted to the homecoming brothers. Although much blood could be seen, everybody ignored the red traces and focussed on the winning will.
Cornelius waited for Marcus Lucius to talk. He was nervous and insecure, but tried to hide it. Marcus Lucius saw the shaky fingers and the squeezed eyes. Marcus Lucius brought one of the soldiers into the healing station. The rest of the wounded found their new beds in a special tent. Then, Cornelius invited Marcus Lucius to the commander’s tent and sent away all other soldiers. Marcus Lucius had to take off his helmet. It would have been suspicious, if he didn’t do it. You don’t cover your face when you have a private talk.
Cornelius saw Marcus Lucius staying straight and calm, even though Marcus Lucius felt like being completely naked. His winter clothes full of blood and partially cut here and there, or more layers than were needed to cover the skin, were not helping. Showing his face was risky, but it had to be done. He waited for a sentence like “You're not Maxentius!” He felt like it was already spoken out aloud. Thousands of scenarios appeared in front of his eyes, including Julia being punished for his masquerade. However, nothing like this happened, which confused Marcus Lucius increasingly.
-I heard you have fought today. You won. - Cornelius said.
-I simply supported your men. - Marcus Lucius answered politely. He limited himself to the minimum of words, because everything beyond was too dangerous and too risky to control.
-You don't have to have false modesty. - Cornelius added while looking attentively at Marcus Lucius. He appeared like a chameleon that is asocial and even a sight of another chameleon can induce stress and defensive displays.
Marcus Lucius repeated his last sentence. It calmed Cornelius down a bit. Apparently, he needed a confirmation that he was still the boss. Marcus Lucius didn't intend to challenge him in any way. That strategy bothered Cornelius a lot, because he didn't expect it.
-Under such circumstances, it wouldn't be auxiliary and wise for you to leave my soldiers.
Already while arriving in the camp Marcus Lucius had noticed that some legionnaires had come back from the battle field to report the bad, bloody occurrences. No action, and no order followed by Cornelius. The surprise about the victory was masterfully, almost invisibly written on his face. Cornelius didn't bet on a win, either. Marcus Lucius knew this kind of disappointment. He wasn't sure what caused the chagrin, but something didn't match Cornelius's plan. Marcus Lucius never liked the mischievous games with political background. It was too late to step back. He was already involved in the conspiracy. He had to follow the rules, if he didn't intend to risk Julia's position. If he would be on his own, he could start fighting against the system. Having taken over responsibility for Julia, he had to take into consideration the consequences for her, too. Therefore, he bowed and replied calmly:
-Apologies, I wasn't informed about your change of plans.
Cornelius looked suspiciously at Marcus Lucius and a tensed moment of silence fulfilled the room. Cornelius analysed the situation and his opportunities. His red, sweaty forehead was full of wrinkles and the lack of trust in Marcus Lucius was visible. Cornelius's big, long nostrils inhaled hastily more amount of air than normally. His right ey
elid trembled minimally, but nervously. The internal fight lasted longer than it should. Marcus Lucius didn't move and didn't say a word. He had to be patient and wait for Cornelius's next move. Obviously, Cornelius didn't like to give up the power he used to have temporarily.
-I thought you were leaving Britannia. - Cornelius interposed with a focussed, curious look directed into the Marcus Lucius's eyes. Cornelius tried to follow any kind of reaction that could betray him how to judge Marcus Lucius. Cornelius was already informed about Marcus Lucius’s outbreak and according to Cornelius's orders Marcus Lucius wasn't supposed to be disturbed. Cornelius wanted to know what Marcus Lucius was planning and the surprising departure was grist for his mill. The sudden comeback was not the optimal, expected development for Cornelius’s plans. The reasons that made Marcus Lucius return were of highest interest for Cornelius.
-I dismissed Appius's men. I owed them at least a proper send-off.
Marcus Lucius stayed unexpectedly calm and almost relaxed. Appearances were deceitful. Inside his soul he trembled more than ever before, fearing that his real identity would appear. He was still waiting for the dead sentence beginning with the statement: “You're not Maxentius! Who are you, then?” It didn't happen. The pressure almost took his breath away as well as his self-confidence. The façade stayed unbroken, because it was built like a solid dam that impounds water or underground streams. With every minute, the probability of the structure getting breached or significantly damaged increased.
-Yes, you're right. - Cornelius said slowly. - Now, you're the proper man to take over the command over the camp.
Cornelius didn’t like this idea at all. He was capable to understand why Marcus Lucius stayed unarmed, while he dismissed Appius's soldiers. However, he didn't realize when Marcus Lucius got healthy enough to stay here, in front of him, and be able to take over the leadership. It was the worst case scenario, because it wasn't on concessional terms to him. Cornelius was everything but satisfied, calm and he was disappointed, but enough professional to be self-controlled. He was like a volcano that could explode any minute blind with rage. Marcus Lucius noticed the fury surfacing, so he decided to cool down the pressure.
-I will stay here and support you as long as the situation requires it.
Cornelius stepped forward and looked at Marcus Lucius even more suspiciously.
-You will? - It was neither a question nor a statement. It was an expression of a pure amazement. He looked astonished. The cooling down strategy had worked successfully.
-I will, of course I will. - Marcus Lucius confirmed and observed how the veins on Cornelius's forehead disappeared beneath his skin. - I'll take over the patrols outside. You'll take care of the internal matters of the camp, like the regular trainings.
Even if it sounded a bit cheeky to Cornelius, he nodded rhythmically, automatically. He took some steps forward and back. Marcus Lucius stood like a frozen piece of water. Internally he felt how his blood flooded through the veins and through his heart. Everything in his body pulsated, but his muscles didn't tremble. His words were like projectiles thrown from a catapult. They were plain, straight. That hit home. Cornelius took it like a man. Without any word, he agreed with a simple movement of his head. He so much wanted to stay in command that he was ready to take all conditions of the young, cheeky man, who could easily use the glory and the grace of gods to step up and take the position that was promised to him.
-I will go to Julia and tell her the news. I'll send your guards back. - Marcus Lucius said after some moments, when he was sure that Cornelius put himself together. Cornelius was still nodding hastily, but his face was a friendly mask again. - I'll send you support for the trainings. Please take over the announcements.
Marcus Lucius left without waiting for any salutation. His more or less straight orders were like missiles directed into Cornelius's command. However, they were right and needed and Cornelius knew this. He failed to keep the training routine for many reasons. There was no excuse for it and a straight way to communicate it was the best. Cornelius didn't like the sneaky way of bringing the messages and appreciated that Marcus Lucius didn't do this in public. It was indeed honourable.
The deal was made. Before Marcus Lucius left the tent, he put on his helmet and was astonished by the crowd of soldiers waiting for him to give him a tribute. He was surprised, because it had been just a small fight and the victory was not so crucial. He wasn't a hero. He was just fulfilling his duty. He saluted back to the legionnaires and went through the way they opened for him. He didn't deliver any speech. He wasn't familiar with such attention and didn't like it at all. He couldn't simply disappear, so he walked the walk of fame and smiled friendly to the undefined, anonymous mass. In the sea of testosterone, he didn't feel his wounds that were partially affected during the combat. The sudden endeavour had ripped open some pieces of his skin again. It wasn't crucial. The main wound on his chest was still closed, which was the most important.
When he finally came back to the villa, he would have never chosen for himself, he felt gloomy and tired. He wished to fall into bed and don't get up until he felt well again. The darkness of the evening brought him a kind of relief. In the dim light, everything started losing the sharpness of controversy and discomfort. He didn't feel pain due to the short cuts, rather scratches in his eyes, and his strange feeling was milder in the subdued light. Marcus Lucius had a ripple of laughter on his lips when he passed the entrance hall. He was pleased to meet Julia again. It cheered him up.
The house made the impression of not being inhabited. The lights were off. No fireplace was in use, so it was quite cold. The winter temperature bulldozed in one way. The human beings were somewhere else. Marcus Lucius went slowly into the part of the house he left this morning. It was a long way to go. The closer he was to the room he used as his bedroom, the heavier he felt inside, and the slower he became. Suddenly, with every further step he felt more and more nervous. He wasn't convinced how to explain the spontaneous twist in his plans. When he finally stepped into the room, he was surprised by what he saw.
Julia was still sitting on the stone floor almost the same way she sat when he had left her hours ago. She didn't move or react at all when he greeted her smiling. Instead, she stared at an undefined point somewhere on a wall. Her chest moved regularly, but unhurriedly. He went to the table a few meters away from her. Her breakfast and dinner had been served, but both stayed untouched. Apparently, she didn't move at all, she didn't eat at all, but had given up the world completely. He drank her wine and lit a candle. In the dim, warm light, there was something in the cold air that confused him. Julia still wasn’t moving. With suddenly increased concern about her condition and health, he immediately jumped over to her. Maybe it was the memory about Decima that forced him to react promptly. He kneeled down and ignored the unexpected pain in the chest. He knew he had to change his dressing, but right now he had another priority.
-Hey. - He said quite calmly and moved his hand in front of her eyes. He noticed that she had cried a long while ago. Already dried down tears painted a unique pattern on her cheeks. An errant river of desiccated sadness was captured in her beautiful face. When she didn't react to his words, he repeated his „Hey“ a couple of times, but it didn't work out the way he intended. He observed her, then, he shook her a little. In this moment, a piece of her dress fell down and it directed his attention to her arms which had been covered by material up to now. The naked skin on the left arm under the elbow was cut at two places. The blood had already dried which meant that the cuts had been made hours ago. He was scared and remembered the sight of Decima's dead body, covered in blood. He had seen a lady in red once before. Now, he saw another female being with blood on her body. It was scary, frightening, overwhelming.
-What did you do?! What did you do?! - He asked at least twice hastily, loudly, in panic. He shook her body nervously and irritated. He was bugged and felt helpless, frustrated. Her body felt weak, passive, and soulless. In his lack of understandin
g for Julia's action, he hugged her. He lifted her and heard a metallic object falling on the floor. It was a dagger with a large, leaf-shaped blade approximately 20 centimetres long and 5 centimetres wide. The dagger seemed to be a part of legionary equipment and Marcus Lucius tried to find out where she could have gotten it from. Octavian and his men had bigger daggers and no legionnaire reported a loss of such an item. As he looked at the dagger later, he noticed that it was an older piece and it wasn't sharp anymore, which meant the cuts weren't deep, but wide, jagged.
Then, he brought Julia to the bed he used to sleep in during the last days. He laid her down and forced her to drink some water. He brought a bowl full of water to wash her wounds. Julia was conscious, but didn't react and stared at the ceiling without participating in anything. He held her arm carefully and his head moved with the visible refusal. He wondered why Julia hurt herself. Decima was killed, but it wasn't her will. Julia was alive and tried to deprive her life. What made her do this? Instead of asking himself what she did, he started asking himself why she did it. For a while, he was not able to figure it out.
He tried to catch her look every now and then, but she avoided the eye contact. He stayed at her side at least an hour after he finished washing and carefully bandaging the wounds. He was still moved by her action and thanked the gods for sending him back to the house he didn't like at all. Octavian was right that Marcus Lucius's place was here, at least for a while. And Octavian had just repeated the words of wisdom spoken out by Appius. Marcus Lucius had to recognize the years of practise and experience Appius had collected and sense of composure he developed. He even disagreed with the general opinion that Appius was a person without self-control. There were other reasons why Appius cultivated such a stereotype. Marcus Lucius wanted to get to know the truth about Appius the same way he wanted to understand what made Julia hurt herself. He looked at her and stared at her face in the limited light of the night.
Julia didn't fall asleep. Instead, she watched how he went to a bowl with water to wash away the blood of today's offenders. It was cold, fresh, tidy. Quickly, he took off his clothes. There was a lot of red water dripping into the bowl and Julia wasn't sure if he was losing so much blood. He was hurt, indeed, but how crucial his injures were, was still an open question. He sat down on a chair in case his head was spinning. He thought he wasn't right about his wound at all. At first, he wiped the strains of blood on his chest and belly. When he had finished, he took off the bandages. He stayed focussed on the basics all the time. The step-by-step-strategy was important. He cleaned the injury quickly, professionally, while he noticed that his chest wound wasn't open. Nothing had to be stitched. Nevertheless, he realized that it hasn't healed completely yet. He knew that bruises may appear during the following days. The local warriors were able to fight with passion. The stress after the fight shouldn't be underestimated, either.
Then, he changed the bandages. He didn't ignore the body's signals, but he controlled his pain while he looked after himself. His hands shivered. Still, he endured everything successfully, came back closer to the bed where Julia laid and sat down on the chair. He watched Julia's face, because it was easier to look at her and analyse her than to go back over what the day had brought to him. The entire talk with Cornelius had to be reported to Appius, but Marcus Lucius didn't want to take care about it this evening. He was relieved that the day was over. Everything could be done the day after. Thinking about Cornelius reminded Marcus Lucius about the effort he sustained. It wasn't easy to stay calm and it made him even more tired than the entire fight. The added effort of the day including Julia hurting herself made him weak and vulnerable.
Julia still didn't sleep and was gazing at the ceiling.
-If you're not sleeping, you'll answer my questions. - He whispered conspiratorially. He didn't sound nice, rather unfriendly.
He was tired and sleepy, but he had enough power to stay awake a few more moments and hear her explanation. This shouldn't happen quickly. Julia closed her eyes and Marcus Lucius was sure she pretended to sleep. Watching her face calmed him down. She breathed regularly, her fingers trembled, but she kept motionless as far as possible.
He pretended to be asleep, too. He closed his eyes and because of his extremely strenuous day, the demanding ride and the shock combined with scratches, he simply fell into deep, needed sleep. Julia waited a longer while until she got up from the bed. She was worried by what she had seen and stood up on shaking legs. With trembling hands, she tried to touch the bandaged place. She wanted to know what injures he got and why he came back at all. She got scared when she couldn't hear his heartbeat. Within less than a second, she came closer to him and tried to find out whether he was alive or not. As Octavian had taught her, she had to lay her head on his chest and check his heartbeat. His body was partially covered with dressings. His arms and the left side of the chest were naked. His belly was naked. He smelled good and was warm. She was relieved by hearing his heart pulsating. It was rhythmical and slow.
However, one moment later, everything changed. Marcus Lucius opened his eyes and held Julia's arms. She was scared to death, because she didn't expect such a rapid movement. He smiled, and she was angry with him. She stood up and went back into her bed with a twisted annoyed look. He laughed. It was so funny that he couldn't stop laughing at all. The laugh was his own, needed catharsis.
She observed how he was laughing and it made her angry. The more he laughed the more furious she got. She felt all emotions mixed up with each other: disappointment, betrayal, relief. Instead of enjoying him being near to her again, she was lost in the moment. She didn't want him to come back. He was supposed to go and have his revenge. He wasn't supposed to complicate her life. A couple of tears appeared on her silent face. Her lips trembled and her arm hurt. The whole world didn't make sense anymore.
When Marcus Lucius noticed her sadness and her tears, he stopped laughing immediately. He jumped into the bed and bowed over her.
-Apologise, I couldn't resist. It wasn't meant that way. - He was serious and worried.
She nodded and further tears appeared on her cheeks and nose. She felt weak. She was angry, because she wasn't able to keep her mask on in front of him. Her self-control was worth less than nothing. It was depressive. She closed her eyes as if it would stop any tear from flowing. Her lips trembled and her fingers shivered. She had fever, even if she didn't realize it. She was glowing like iron in a fireplace.
Then, he kissed her right cheek and carefully washed her tears away with his lips. It tasted salty. His forehead touched hers and his breath became hers. She was astonished, but didn't open her eyes. It was a dream coming true and she was sure she was dreaming. Experiencing such a beautiful moment couldn't be a part of her reality. She didn't have to listen to his heartbeat, because it was so close to her that its sound echoed in her ears.
A moment later, he moved to her left side and lay next to her. He didn't touch her at all anymore. If she wanted, she could move her fingers minimally to touch him. She didn't react in any way. Her left underarm was hurt and it appeared to be so silly and childish what she had done to herself. If she knew that he would come back, she wouldn't have reacted that way. She calmed down and her breath got the typical slow tempo.
Then, she took his bandage away to check how well he cleaned her wound. He did a really good job. She was impressed. She was used to look at wound, so she didn’t have any vomit reflexes anymore.
He observed how she gazed at the injury and while she was occupied with her thoughts, he stood up and went to the wooden desk, where she left all mixtures she used to rub into his wounds. She followed his moves. His back was naked and she saw how his muscles worked. She got scared that he was leaving her, that he was just a dream that was passing by and that she would wake up any moment to realize that she was all alone again. Instead, he simply rubbed the badly smelling ointment on his scratches. Julia tried to squeeze her eyes to better see his partly naked body moving. The muscles worked beautifully,
even if the spectacle didn't take long. He came back and his view from the front was as much desirable as from the back.
-You shouldn't take off the dressing yet. - He said while he sat down next to her. He put the bandages back over the injury and covered her with a blanket. He followed her movements and had a quite cheeky smile on his lips. His dirty smile was pleasant, what surprised her. She knew then he wouldn't hurt her, maybe therefore, the gall was so seductive.
-You should sleep. - She whispered friendly.
-You should sleep. You're wounded. - He answered breathing heavily. His mouth was dry. His tongue was inflexible. There was something in his chest that made it harder for him to breathe. He couldn't define it, but it was a kind of stone or a load that automatically was taken off someone's mind, when the danger was over and when there was a quiet moment for a deeper breath. However, there was still something that couldn't be swallowed or spit out.
-Close your eyes and sleep. - He added.
-Will you stay here? - She asked with fear in her eyes.
He nodded his head to confirm. He was afraid she would hurt herself again, if he wouldn't pay enough attention. He already had lost his wife, his life and his trust in people, when he was saved by Appius and the girl he wanted to leave a few hours ago. His answer brought a special shadow into her eyes. She looked like a child scared of the darkness that got a torch to be able to spread light anytime it wants to and needs to.
He wanted to hold her hand as he did on the way to Britannia. He looked how she turned her back to him and laid on her right side as she used to do it. Then, he moved closer to her to lay directly behind her. He hugged her carefully. His movements were gentle, unhurriedly. He was careful not to touch her left underarm. She touched his hand that landed next to her rips. He waited until she fell asleep. It took a while. Only then, he calmed down enough to be able to give up the fight against the sleep and tiredness. His guard was over.
Julia was not sure what this was supposed to be. She didn’t have much experience with other beings sleeping next to her. She had a dog, once. It was a big, muscled, powerful bouncy ball with coat. It didn’t have a name, but it always composed her mind to feel the beating heart of the animal while she was sleeping. When anyone was near, the dog took its watchful position to warn her about a possible danger. This cosy friendly dog had accompanied Julia for a few years, until her father ordered to kill it because of an accusation of a noble man who blamed the animal to have hurt a slave. Fabius didn't listen to his daughter, who wanted to clear the situation. Her dog didn’t injure anybody. The animal had always been at Julia's side, so it was impossible what the noble man incriminated. Her voice wasn’t heard and she lost her dog and she even had to watch the execution. Sometimes, she dreamt of her dog coming back to her and looking her in the eyes so friendly, calmly, sadly.
Except for the short, forced, painful sexual intercourses with Maxentius, she didn’t have other close relationships. Therefore, the man laying by her site and holding her hand caused a very new and unexpected feeling. Marcus Lucius’s body glowed and trembled a bit. He had fever, but the temperature started decreasing slowly. His breath became easier. It calmed her down and she fell asleep, again.
She dreamt about him not coming back from the journey he started today. She sat on the floor and took the dagger she got from her oldest brother years ago. She had cut her arm twice. She expected to bleed like Marcus Lucius. She knew that she had to lose enough blood to die. She didn't want to solve the matter at once, she wanted to die slowly, consciously. She expected that her dizziness would occur faster and stronger when the surrounding started looking blurry, muzzy. Then, absolutely nothing happened.
She sent her slaves away and ordered them not to come to her room until the next morning. She didn't want to be a stinking corpse like her dead husband. She still remembered the awful, dreadful smell of the dead body in the wagon. She didn't intend to annoy anybody that way. She wanted to be buried here, at the end of her journey. She expected Marcus Lucius to go back to the place where he could meet and kill his enemy as he had revealed to her. His revenge meant damasking her as a non-honourable wife and therefore, it would be hard for her father to take her back. Additionally, Julia didn't want to remarry at all. She didn't want to risk her freedom and experience lack of respect from her new husband. She grew up seeing the friendly, smooth marriage of her parents. After her wedding ceremony, she looked back on the matter from a new perspective. She remembered her mother's lips pressed together and her father’s unsatisfied look. At Maxentius's side, Julia discovered the focal points of a relationship without any exit. From the very first day, Julia felt like a prisoner with a dead sentence. She wanted to get her absolution .Maxentius didn't respect her and hurt her in a way that didn't make anyone suspect spousal abuse. Additionally, being a worthy, well-bred wife from a noble house, she had to keep on smiling politely. Because she was taken away from her house, she had nobody to talk to and to share her fears and frustration with. The more she struggled the more painful the meetings with Maxentius were. She felt humiliated and death seemed to be the best solution to end the adult time.
When Marcus Lucius told her, he intended to go back with Octavian and take revenge, she saw enough determination in his eyes that she didn't need to follow his silhouette disappearing at the horizon. It made her happy that he decided the way she wanted him to decide. Additionally, she was sure he was the kind of a man who stuck to what he said. She stayed on the floor and stood up only once to speak with her slaves. Then, she took her dagger and sat down in the exact same place where Marcus Lucius had left her. She realised that she was left by everyone in her life, so she could give up herself, as well. When she cut herself twice, she didn't even feel as much pain as she expected. Sitting on the stony, cold floor, feeling the blood flowing down along her arm, she wondered whether she was determined to die. When she felt weaker and weaker, she thought about escaping from here into the woods and running as long as she could. Such a death would be much more beautiful or natural. She would die in a scenery that even Homer would describe as magnificent, impressing, amazing. She would feel adorable at least once in her lifetime.
She didn't die until dinner time and noticed someone coming into the room unexpectedly. By reflex, she covered her arm with a part of her dress and waited to see who interrupted her silence. It was Chloe, bringing the dinner. Chloe wanted to enkindle the fireplace, but Julia sent the slave back. A fire would ruin the cold mood fulfilling the room. It was much easier to take a bath in depressive, pessimistic thoughts when it was freezing. A warm, cosy fire could make Julia think about other issues and she wanted to stay in the zone of shadows and coldness. The slave disappeared quickly, quietly. Julia kept sitting in her place and could not decide if she would have to cut herself again or stand up and wait for what would happen to her next. She wondered that Cornelius didn't appear as he promised. It wasn’t really important. It meant that he simply forgot her, as everybody else. For her, it was another sign that the world didn't need her. It confirmed her in her opinion that she has chosen the right direction.
Somewhat, she was excited whether she would hear a story about Marcus Lucius killing the man, who killed his wife. It sounded so romantic, passionate, true. She kept her fingers crossed for him. She didn't feel the coldness of the ground and the deadness of her mood, when she thought about the real love of a man who followed his wife to the dark side of the moon after he had his revenge. The shadow of the simple, true love was enough to keep Julia warm. There was a world worth living for, even if she wasn't a part of it.
Then, she noticed someone in the room, but ignored it, being convinced it was just her imagination. When she recognized Marcus Lucius, she was sure she hallucinated. He was supposed to be far, far away on the way to his revenge. It was impossible that he came back. He didn’t have any reason to return.
Now, sleeping by his side, she dreamt that he didn't come back and she cut her right arm. It wouldn't be easy, because she wasn't ta
lented to use a knife or dagger with the left arm. However, she would succeed. She wanted to smell the blood, but it was too warm to create the image of a deadly surrounding. Therefore, she wasn't able to imagine herself dying. She felt a regular heart-beat and it calmed her down. The warmth made her more relaxed. She couldn't even think about her end lying in the arms of a man, who loved someone else. She felt like a second-hand spare. However, she slept well and restful.
Marcus Lucius didn't dream at all. Usually, he dreamt of Decima, but in the last weeks, this wasn't the case anymore. The most painful moment was waking up into reality knowing that he would never ever see Decima alive again. Not dreaming about her meant that he woke up calmer and less stressed like in the good, old times. He didn't miss her more than he did every day when he was in the army and she was somewhere in Rome, miles away from him, but happy, shiny, alive. This was the kind of feeling he preferred to have while waking up.
The warmth of a body next to him relaxed him. He felt comfortable and cosy. Every now and then, he moved instinctively to the right. He hugged Julia even tighter. Unconsciously, he turned to Julia and cuddled her. He wasn't aware of how much he missed such intimacy. He had healthy instincts and needs, but he controlled himself. There was a time when he had sex every day with different women. When he became a soldier, a real soldier and wasn’t the teenage son of his father anymore, he wanted to show his lack of emotions, his coolness and coldness. He started going out with some older soldiers and spent nights in stews. The girls liked him and they didn’t have many reasons to be unhappy. He paid well and he was a person you wouldn't push out of bed.
After a couple of months, he came to the conclusion that such nights didn't bring him the targeted goals. He didn't calm down and was still unsettled. Instead of nightly trainings with prostitutes, he started to train his fighting skills. It directed his attention to different things. He focussed on bodily effort during the daily trainings. After the very exhausting training, in the evening, he was so tired that he fell asleep immediately. If he wasn't able to fall asleep quickly, he trained harder the following day. He became a professional in distracting his thoughts.
Years later, he became calm enough to start thinking about marriage. From the very first moment, he saw Decima, he liked her. In the moment, he introduced her to his mother he knew that Decima was the woman he wanted to marry. The sex with her was good, but boring. He was satisfied with it. In Thracia, he had many opportunities to be unfaithful, but he stayed loyal to his wife.
Now holding Julia in his arms, he didn't get it at first. She was smaller than Decima. She smelled good, even desirable. His instincts had been suppressed for many years, but now having Julia on his side, they were present even more powerful than before. He cuddled her stronger and moved closer to her body. The smell of her blood was perceptible, so he woke up confused. He checked that she was fine. She breathed regularly and held her fingers on his arms. It was obvious she liked his touch, because she didn't move away. The traces of dried blood didn't make a good impression. Marcus Lucius felt guilty. If he hadn’t left her alone, she wouldn't have had time to hurt herself. The question why she did it was still open. She moved a bit and came closer to him.
He just wore pants. His chest was naked. He felt her skin on his and couldn't resist to kiss the naked shoulder of the injured arm. If she was conscious, he wouldn't do it. It was against the promise he gave to Appius. Already the one kiss in the woods was critical, but it could be explained with the fever of the fight. Full of adrenaline and testosterone, he had reacted instinctively. He hadn’t thought about consequences. He hadn’t analysed anything. He had simply acted. But now, laying in the bed together, he kissed her with purpose. It was caused by temptation. She giggled shortly and moved her shoulder for a moment. She smiled.
Marcus Lucius wasn't sure in what kind of reality he was living. He had to pretend being someone else and not being attracted to a girl he really adored. He laid his head back on the pillow and fell asleep again. He dreamt of his wife. Decima was covered with blood just the way he found her. She stood in a field of wheat and waved to him. He tried to get closer to her, but an unknown power kept him from moving forward. Decima smiled as she turned her back to him and walked away. He screamed after her. He yelled “Stop! Come back!” She turned to him once more and whispered “It's not the time. Not yet...” She was still smiling and it was strange to hear her whisper when she was so far away from him. The blue sky and the golden were in strong contrast, and when this thought occurred to Marcus Lucius, he lost Decima from his view. Then, she wasn't there anymore. He was able to run in the direction she went, but he couldn't find her. He repeated “Come back. Come back.”, but nothing happened. Instead, he heard the Quintus laughing and he could hear it echoing from everywhere. Marcus Lucius turned around a couple of times, but he couldn't see anybody in his proximity. Suddenly, he noticed he held a sword in his right hand. As he moved two steps back and turned around again, he saw Quintus with open arms as if he would like to greet Marcus Lucius like in the good, old times. Marcus Lucius got angry and moved his hand with the sword in the air. He wanted to wave his sword and cut off both of Quintus’ arms. He didn't think long about it. He acted automatically and when he saw the blood coming from the right arm, he noticed, it wasn't Quintus, who was hurt, but Julia. She fell into the wheat field and looked at him with disgust. Marcus Lucius wanted to apologize and help her, but she visibly didn't like to communicate with him in any way. He whispered “I wasn't there for you as I promised.” and he said it at least three times.
He felt that someone was stroking his head. He almost clenched his fingers, but someone's hand didn't allow him to make a fist. He woke up with sweat on his forehead. He saw Julia looking at him and stroking his hair. The night was not over, but the beginning of a new day was already in sight.
-You had a bad dream. - She whispered. Her eyes showed confusion.
Marcus Lucius was flustered and not completely back to reality yet. He sat up automatically on the bed, looked around chaotically. He slowly mounted down from his personal roller-coaster. She pulled him back so he had to lie on his back again. His heart was almost jumping out of his chest and she automatically laid her hand on his naked skin as if she wanted to catch his heart in the case it really would leave his body. His eyes were fixed on her and she replied his look with red cheeks and trembling fingers. She didn't step back, she took a more comfortable position and laid down next to him, with her hand still on his chest and her face less than two feet away from his.
He perceived her smell and her warmth even stronger than ever before. His arms lay along his body. His muscles were tense, because he had to stop himself from doing anything he could regret later. He was bounded by promises and he wanted to respect her integrity. In case, he was discovered, he wanted her to stay safe and intact. He'd love nothing better than to kiss her red lips, her little faint skin and make love with her. It was his basic instinct and he controlled it. But to be to keep the distance, it was better to stand up and leave the bed. Otherwise, the risk was too high that he followed the bodily needs and wishes unerringly. He couldn't underestimate the things he wanted to do.
He tried to sit up, his head was just millimetres away from hers. The closer they were, the more sexual tension rose in the air between them. Julia challenged him a bit on purpose. She wanted to know whether he liked her or whether he simply felt obligated to come back. She needed an answer, because the internal analysis brought her nothing but chaos of thoughts and emotions. When he slept, she woke up, because she felt how tight he hugged her. It was a strong hug, but it didn't cause any pain. It was more than pleasant. She never felt that way before. It was a mixture of ecstasy, waiting for him, longing for him, taking care of him... She needed him as the air she breathed and it wasn't easy to live without him somewhere in her orbit. Her heart simply, truly, obviously couldn't let him go, even if her mind whispered that she could survive on her own and that she was able to forget him one day.
r /> -You had a bad dream. - She whispered again, because she needed to say something, but she didn't know what.
-I wasn't here for you. - He answered quietly. - I promised to be near to you. I wasn't here.
-You said it in your dream. What does it mean? - She was curious and not sure whether he was really awake or whether he was still dreaming.
-Why did you do it? - He asked out of nowhere, and her thoughts were directed into complete different areas.
Her fingers trembled even more, but his heartbeat calmed her down at the same time. She didn't like to tell him her plan, before he didn’t tell her why he came back. She didn't want to be the first to reveal the secret. In her opinion, it wouldn't be wise. If she felt more for him than he did for her, her confession would destroy their peaceful coexistence. It would destroy the illusion of a perspective for happiness and love. It was very silly, girly, but she wanted to keep her secrets.
-Did anyone force you to do it? Did anyone want to hurt you? - He noticed she wasn't ready to talk, so he needed to throw some suggestions and observe her reactions. If she didn't want to confess the truth with words, she could do it with her mimic. The very sad truth about lovers, who don't want to reveal their love to each other due to the insecurities of their hearts, is that they are not able to see their love, even if it's served as the main meal during a celebrated dinner. They're blinded by their own fragility and not ready to hear anything that could change the familiar balance of the situation.
He could not read any answer in her face. It was obvious, she felt uncomfortable with his questions. He took her head in his hands and forced her gently to look at him.
-Why did you hurt yourself?
She needed a moment to put herself as much together as needed to give him an answer without showing him how much she cared about him.
-I wanted you to have no ballast while you have your revenge. - She started with hesitancy. - I wanted Appius to get free from the promise he gave me. I don't want to be anyone's duty.
His eyes became smaller and smaller with every word she said. He was focussed on her look and saw that everything she told him was true. But he couldn't understand what it all had in common with her injures.
-I thought if you won't be obligated to take care about me, because I wouldn't exist, you would be free. - In the corners of her eyes, tears appeared, but they didn't flow down. They gathered against her will and she had to fight with herself to stay strong and not to break apart.
He wasn't sure whether he had to be mad or angry or upset or happy about her confession. Apparently, she wanted to step aside, because she was convinced it was the best way for everybody. Definitely, he was relieved that she was honest with him and he respected her for it.
-You're my most pleasurable, the most wanted obligation in my life. - He said to her and hugged her carefully.
She wasn't sure how she was supposed to decode it, but her relief was huge. He was there to support her not because he was told so, but because he wanted to. It was a good thing. She felt the naked skin of his chest and heard his heartbeat. It was everything she dreamt of. She felt safe in a very confusing situation.
-And if you ever again do something like this again – He started after a moment with a determined, colder voice – I will even follow you to the afterlife to hear your justification. No gods of the Underworld will be able to keep you safe from me, if you force me to go this way. Do you understand?
She was confused and a bit scared by his tone, but happy about the content of his words at the same time. She tried to nod with her head, but his hug was too strong. He eased the pressure and she moved more freely. He cared about her for real and she wondered whether he felt the same way for his wife.
He was confused by his last statement as well. It was a spontaneous speech. Actually, he wanted her to promise she would never hurt herself again, but the impulse brought him a different range of words.
The moment, he had realized that Decima was dead he had kissed her goodbye and checked whether her eyes were closed. She was supposed to have a peaceful journey to the Underworld. She deserved it. Marcus Lucius couldn't follow, because he had to cut up the carcasses of the betrayers who killed Decima. As long as her killers were alive, he wasn't able to follow Decima into the afterlife. Sometimes, he thought whether Dis or Persephone, the gods of the Underworld, would reprieve Decima and send her back to life again, because the gods thought she was unjustly murdered. He wasn't sure whether gods perceived time with the same speed and emphasis as people did. Maybe it was another of their jokes to keep people believing it was the case.
As he held Julia in his arms and after he realized what he said, he understood that she was more important to him as he ever assumed. He never felt that way for Decima. His marriage was somewhat boring, predictable, easy. It wasn't risky. It wasn't hazardous. As everybody noticed that Decima didn't belong to their social class, everybody ignored her presence. Because Decima didn't join the celebrations and feasts, the natural distance grew continuously and the peaceful coexistence was the best solution for both sides. Marcus Lucius was sure that nobody from his mother's milieu noticed the death of Decima, as they were already absent during her life. Julia wasn't the one to organise a feast either, but her social status granted her the general attention. If anyone from the upper class was attacked, everybody felt offended. It was the one-for-all and all-for-one principle.
However, Julia was special to him. She had taken care of him, when he was seriously injured although he hadn’t ask her for the care, he appreciated her involvement. He respected her for her strong, convincing appearance towards Cornelius and the loyalty towards Appius. Her strength was adorable and impressing. He didn't know where she took the energy from to behave so confidently. He liked it. It showed him that she was reliable and a good companion at any time. Additionally, he liked her innocent, fragile side, when he knew he could protect her, because she needed and wanted it. He needed this kind of responsibility he felt for her. He remembered how he felt responsible for Decima. He bought her a house. He left her live her own life. However, he didn’t have the crucial need to stay at Decima's side every day. He was satisfied with his life beyond the domestic circle of tasks. It was enough to visit the home Decima managed every now and then, but there was no real longing to live in a house. Even if Decima would have moved to a village near to Brigetio, he didn't intend to move there with her. He wanted to stay with his soldiers. With Julia, this wasn't the case. He didn't dream about living in the camp anymore. He preferred to spend his time with Julia and work with the legionnaires during the days. His priorities had changed and he didn't notice when. It felt so incredibly good, when he kissed her in the woods. He wasn't sure whether it was the adrenaline of the fight or Julia herself that made the kiss so passionate.
The contrasts captured in Julia's person were huge, but somehow seductive. It bound him to her. He wasn't addicted to wine or opium. He was addicted to Julia. The worst thing for him was that it wasn't just the sexual attraction. It was a psychical bond that forced him to be near to her like the sun or the stars that were somewhere there, even if not visible every moment. He didn't dare to think what the world would be like if she had succeeded in the action she started. He laughed madly, because the thought seemed too ridiculous for him to be even possible. However, it was just a blade’s edge that stood between her existence and her going into the hereafter.
Holding her in his arms and thinking about her made him lose his internal control. He started kissing her nice smelling hair, stroking her arms and her back. Her eyes were closed. Her breath was deep. She visibly liked his touch and moved her body in a way that made him easier for him to cuddle her. He felt her face and kissed her skin on her forehead, nose, cheeks, ears. With purpose, he avoided her lips that were open and appealing wet. She opened her eyes, so their looks met each other every now and then. He observed her mimics and listened with pleasure how she moaned ecstatically, but quietly. It encouraged him to smooch her more inte
nsively. However, he wasn't sure how far he could and would go. He waited for Julia's sign to stop, but it didn't come. He kissed her passionately and she returned his kisses, but she didn't take over the initiative completely. She let herself drift with him. She let him touch her most private, intimate regions of body that never before reacted the way they did at the moment. She was confused and insecure, but in a positive way. She discovered that touching could release other feelings that were clearly not combined with pain or need for resistance. It was a sudden pleasure and longing to stroke him back that made her act instinctively. She loved the kisses and his warm hands bringing her indescribable pleasure. She wanted to feel it more and more. Before she even realised it, she was almost completely naked and covered by his body. He laid over her and kissed his way towards the lower parts of her body: from the neck, over the breasts, through the desert of her belly and the oasis of the lower parts of her body, where the thighs ended. She stroked his hair and trembled with desire when his lips met her breasts and belly. She moved seduced and let by curiosity and passion of what might happen next. Before he moved them to another level, he kissed his way back to the upper regions of her body. He kissed her lips and looked fascinated into her eyes. He checked whether she was ready and willing to complete the act.
Although her soul was ready, her body reacted with conditioned reflex. Her body cells remembered the pain caused by Maxentius's penetration and a shadow of sorrow appeared in her eyes unwillingly. Marcus Lucius caught it, even though it was only a short moment of hesitation. Even though he wanted extremely to have her that night, he wasn't willing to cross the border she drew more or less consciously. He wasn't the kind of man who takes the innocence of a woman with ignorance and brutality. Maybe if it had been another woman, another situation, another country, he wouldn't mind to go forward. However, it was Julia, it was the one who just hurt herself, who wanted to protect him and who took care of him. The look in her eyes reminded him of the moment, when she stared at him with the same sad eyes on the battlefield near to Aquincum.
He wasn't sure where her limits were, but he knew that he had almost crossed the line. You usually know that it's too much when you already feel you went too far. He didn't intend to leave her right away, although he wasn't happily keyed to the current state. He hugged her and kissed her neck. With a few movements, he placed his body next to hers in spoon position with a proper distance between them to cool down. She breathed still heavily, satisfied, excited. It was cute and it confirmed to him that he had stopped in the right moment. Additionally, it was good for her to save some energy and rest. The day had been extremely long and exhausting.
She didn't notice his serious attitude, because he suddenly was behind her. The same way it all started, the same way it ended for her: unexpected, but sensual. She didn't look for rough pleasure, but gentle hugs, touches and kisses. It was a sensational change. Her level of happiness was never as high as in that moment when Marcus Lucius's hands were all over her body and his lips touched her skin passionately. She almost got an orgasm and she wasn't sure whether the sexual tension in her body was good or wrong. She had nobody to speak to about it. Her mother limited her remarks to the minimum. The lack of female friends and the foreign surrounding excluded any source of advice. She was insecure what it could mean, but in general, she was happy and felt safe. It was like a dream coming true. She thought whether she was supposed to say something, but the longer she analysed it the more insecure she became.
Finally, as she gathered her courage and wanted to whisper, she heard Marcus Lucius snoring strangely. It sounded the same like his breath directly after the ambush near Aquincum and she got worried whether he was badly hurt again. She turned to him and in the brightness of the first moments of sunrise she admired his trained body structure. She saw the cuts of his skin he gained lately, but the most crucial wound was still healing properly. However, Marcus Lucius had got some new scratches that he had already cleaned. She wondered where he got injured and how it happened. He was just one day away from the camp and came back with signs of a new battle. It wasn't good. She didn't like it.
She dared to stroke his chest and even kiss his cheek. He didn't wake up which was soothing. His hug was still strong, but not unwanted. He didn't smile or show any kind of emotion. He looked more peaceful than stressed. Above all, he looked tired. She was relieved that he got at least a moment of sleep.
However, he didn't sleep long. Not long after the sun rose, he opened his eyes and with a dreamy look, he observed Julia for a while. She wasn't sure whether she should smile or not, so she remained serious. Only the sparkles in her eyes showed the inner excitement. At the same time, she was a bit ashamed of being naked, even though it didn't make her feel as uncomfortable as when Maxentius saw her even with clothes.
He covered her with a blanket and stood up hurriedly. Then, he went to a bowl and after he poured in some water, he washed himself quickly. He didn't care about his scratches. He got dressed and left the chamber. Julia saw him again in the late afternoon. She stayed in bed and Chloe brought her a meal and accompanied her to the bath. After changing the bandages on her right arm, Julia dressed and waited for Marcus Lucius in her bedroom. She didn’t have any need to go out. She wanted to stay in the room where she had experienced so much last night. She sniffed at the blanket and the pillow that Marcus Lucius had used. It smelled like him and it made her happy. Life looked so easy during these hours...
She smiled continuously and couldn't explain her happiness. She giggled. She moved slowly. She moved quickly. She remembered all good moments and wondered that every time she memorized Marcus Lucius's touch, she could almost feel it as if it had happened just a moment ago. She was afraid that she would forget the strength of emotions she was still feeling one day.
When Marcus Lucius came back, he showed up just shortly. Without an explanation, he checked her left arm with the bandages. Carefully, he took away the dressing, cleaned her wounds. The edges of the cut skin were torn like a badly cut, ruptured rope. He analysed whether it was time to stitch it. He decided to wait and let the skin try to recover on its own. After he finished, he went away. Julia thought Marcus Lucius was somewhere in the house and expected him to come back for dinner. She was surprised when Chloe informed her that Marcus Lucius left the villa long ago. Julia wanted to know where he was, but nobody knew it. Nerva couldn't be traced either, therefore Julia assumed that both men were on the way together. She couldn't imagine Marcus Lucius staying somewhere outside passively, steady.
Indeed, Marcus Lucius and Nerva were on a patrol as it had been agreed with Cornelius. They checked the close surrounding of the camp. They didn't take any of Cornelius's soldiers with them, as they weren't trained enough in Marcus Lucius's opinion. Therefore, he had sent two of Appius’s soldiers as trainers to the camp to increase the combat readiness. These two were the last men standing in Eboracum. While they got their task, Marcus Lucius took Nerva for a ride. The air was fresh and cold. It was rainy which wasn't a surprise for Marcus Lucius. The evening came quickly, but remained calm and quiet. As they rode through the villages around the camp, they saw just few curious faces of local inhabitants, who weren't familiar with seeing Roman soldiers outside the camp. In the following two weeks, they should see Marcus Lucius and Nerva at least once a day.
Within the following two weeks, Marcus Lucius and Nerva twice discovered small enemy groups of three to five warriors hiding in the woods. All of them got killed. Marcus Lucius got new scratches, but nothing serious. Nerva had to be stitched once. However, his left arm was wounded not as badly as it looked. Marcus Lucius took over the task of stitching. He was surprisingly good with this kind of tasks. Additionally, he forbade Nerva to drink more than two glasses of wine.
L
-You have to be prepared for tomorrow. – Marcus Lucius ordered friendly.
Nerva nodded. He didn't like staying in the villa doing absolutely nothing. He appreciated the company of Marcus Lucius. For a man with high st
atus and a genetic predomination to achieve things that could make stories, Marcus Lucius was a very humble person.
-You're good with needles. - Nerva said.
-I've learned it here, from my father's medicos. - He explained to Nerva and told him to focus on other thoughts during the painful procedure.
-Your father was a man of honour and deserved fame.
-You heard about him? – Marcus Lucius wondered a little.
-Appius sometimes tells stories from the old times when he was a fighter. - Nerva laughed. – The he talks about his greatest friend, Maximus.
Nerva's eyes became smaller when he remembered his teacher. Appius had to be a genius fighter, if he could teach so many practical things.
-He does? – Marcus Lucius didn't know it. He had heard stories about Appius, by there were no talks about Appius's experiences.
-Yeah, once he told how they got drunk and had to fight, and won. At the end of the day, they were sober and relieved that the wine gave them courage. It was their first battle and they didn't remember much of it. They just remembered the river of wine they drunk a day before and didn't remember when they started supporting the older legionnaires against a supreme enemy. They weren't even sure whether they got an order or whether they wanted to volunteer. Later that evening, they got drunk even more to celebrate their first victory.
Nerva laughed as he always did when he remembered that story. Appius used to tell it once a year, when his soldiers sat down next to a fireplace and looked how a boar was roasted over the warm, specious fire.
-I thought Appius doesn't drink. – Marcus Lucius wasn't sure about the rumour.
-He gave it up after your father went to the afterlife. - Nerva confirmed. - He quitted and stopped drinking. Maximus was a memorable soldier. Everyone from our troops knows him. One day, I will be the same kind of legend as he is. I will build up my own legion and will be asked to participate in selected fights, when the enemy will be so strong that I will be the only crucial chessman standing on the field. - Nerva was dreaming aloud and his dirty smile was replaced with a daydreamer's expression.
-You will. – Marcus Lucius said and Nerva looked at him suspiciously.
-You think?
-I do. All great men have a vision of their future. – Marcus Lucius quoted something that always crossed his mind, when he saw a man with a special focus and plans. It reminded him about himself saying something similar once. - My father said it to me.
-Did you know him? If I wouldn't be Appius's man, I'd be honoured to be a soldier of your father's troop. No offence... - Nerva noticed that his remarks were not supportive, but Marcus Lucius didn't seem to be upset. He even smiled with understanding.
-I wish I could serve under his commando, too. - He thought about the amount of unacknowledged questions in his head. Maximus used to have an answer for everything even the most complicated things could be solved with his help. He didn't talk much, but he shared his words of wisdom quite often. Marcus Lucius regretted not to have listened to everything his father said and not to have the possibility to speak to him, an experienced man, anytime soon. They should meet in the afterlife, but Marcus Lucius didn't hurry to get there anymore.
-Did you know him? - Nerva caught the melancholic mood in the room. He forgot his wound and the needles, and instead, looked to Marcus Lucius. His expression was dreamy in the way that Appius always described Maximus. The clear-cut, succinct facial bones and the strength in his eyes were fascinating.
-I spent a year here before I was sent back to Rome, although I wanted to stay here. I forgot a lot and it's all coming back to me now.
Nerva, already a bit drunk, was bounded to a chair and listened to the snapshots of Marcus Lucius's life.
-You were here before? – Nerva was stunned. He hadn’t expected that. He had heard about Marcus Lucius's stay in Thracia and Ostia, but Britannia was new to him.
-Yes, for a while. I got my first trainings under Appius's command. It wasn't easy. You know what I mean. – Marcus Lucius laughed.
-What was Appius like then? - Nerva was really interested. He couldn't imagine Appius being different than the way he knew the old, great trainer. Automatically, he remembered his look when a soldier wasn't fighting right. Then there was steel in his eyes. Nerva smiled and wondered how the melancholic mood was moved to him from Marcus Lucius's shoulders.
-He was younger. I didn't talk with him at all. He threw orders like “Take your hand higher!” or “You forget to cover!” – Marcus Lucius perfectly imitated the movement of Appius’s head. - I didn’t serve with him after I left Britannia.
Nerva smiled. He knew Appius’ commands and the way Marcus Lucius pronounced them sounded as if Appius himself spoke. It was funny. Moving the head to the right wasn't good, this way Appius showed his disapproval or even anger. It directed Nerva's thoughts to a rare moment of contemplation. He kept silent and as he spoke again, he changed the topic abruptly:
-How are the local women here? Wet and sweaty? - Nerva had a dirty look in his eyes again.
Marcus Lucius smiled in a way that could mean a confirmation, but he didn't comment anything. Instead of talking, he kept stitching Nerva.
When patrolling, they only spent little time in Maxentius's villa limited to the sleep phases they needed. They left the villa before sunrise and returned late at night. All their energy was put on patrolling. They had a fixed route that included a short stay in the camp around noon. Vinicius Balbus, one of Cornelius's soldiers, the one with dark hair and the dirty smile, supported Rufus Gallus, who was one of Appius's men. Rufus was a huge man with a plain face and wide shoulders. He was one of the most restrictive persons in the world. He apparently had no vices: he didn't drink wine or any other alcohol, he didn't sleep with women, went to bed early and stood up early. Rufus took over Appius’s habits and it was strange. He blindly followed every gesture and every action of Appius. He imitated a great man, reflecting his light. However, even the reflection was strong and influencing. Training his body and the supervised units belonged to the daily routine. There were no exceptions and no extraordinary activities planned. He didn't tolerate any unscheduled remarks, actions or requests. He reported everything meticulously, resumed, without emotions to Marcus Lucius. He didn't raise questions and he didn't search for background information. He was reliable in any regard.
Marcus Lucius nodded and left the camp every day with a good feeling about the progress of the legionnaires. The less amused they were about the trainings the more convinced Marcus Lucius was that Rufus’s methods were right. Relieved and with a short movement of the hand, Marcus Lucius indicated to Nerva to follow him for the second round of patrolling. They got new horses and rode away.
During the first days, the locals were very suspicious about the two strangers on horses. The rumours spread like thunder and some residents from the villages walked miles to see the Romans suspicious to them. At first, Marcus Lucius could only understand single words. Then, he understood the context, even though he wasn't able to listen and grasp every word. He wasn't sure when he had learnt the local language. He could make out at least three dialects. It was possible that he had inhaled the unknown language when he was a boy. He didn't grasp it with purpose.
The local inhabitants commented louder and louder what they were thinking about the soldiers with the shiny helmets. They nagged about the missing security and the guff of having a Roman camp so close to their houses and so unpractical for protecting the people from the tribes from the North. They were afraid of increasing incidents with the men from the North. They wished to have more protection, and if the Romans would not protect them, then they didn't wish to have them around. The popular discontent ruled in the eyes of the locals. It sounded the same way disharmonious like the preference of Prokofiev for daring dissonances and unusual chord combinations.
Marcus Lucius and Nerva didn't comment on anything, they didn't exchange any remarks while patrolling. The locals were loud and visibly showed their unhappine
ss while standing in the doors of their small, stony, houses with thatched roofs. Marcus Lucius listened carefully and Nerva couldn't lose the impression that he was planning something. It was unusual for Marcus Lucius being quiet for so long. He didn't utter any welcoming words or any commands. His orders were communicated with limited gestures. It was a very uncomfortable state and Nerva hoped it would change soon. He was not the greatest listener himself, but he needed contact with others as every human being. After two weeks of mutual observation without talking, something strange and unconventional happened.
On the 14th or 15th day of patrolling, Marcus Lucius stopped his horse in one of the villages, between the houses, in front of the niggling people. The locals wondered about this action, but their jawbones fell to the ground abruptly when Marcus Lucius said something in their language. Nerva was not less stunned than the village inhabitants.
-I know that you're afraid of the people from the North and I know that you are proud enough to fight against everyone, who is posing a threat to you. I came here to support you.
Everybody was stunned. A silence followed while the locals gathered in one big group. Marcus Lucius was waiting for a reaction, but their faces were neither friendly nor disagreeable. Marcus Lucius assumed he needed to give then some time. He knew this from Thracia already. When he got there, the peace policy was not the worst, but there was a lack of understanding and trust. It took a while to improve the relationship, but it was possible. The Brits were not as open and forthcoming as the inhabitants from the Southern Empire. They almost reacted allergic to any kind of contact with strangers. They only ate their own food and wouldn’t try the dishes from abroad. They talked to their relatives and limited their communication with foreign tribes no matter whether they were Roman or not Roman folk.
-I don't expect you to talk with me right now, we'll reschedule the talk to seven moons from today. Invite the chiefs from the other villages. Let us talk, please.
After some time, an old, grey-haired man stepped out from the group of locals. Marcus Lucius could hear some quiet consultations.
-We respect you and your kind manners. We'll talk with you here in seven moons from now on. Same time, same place.
-Same time, same place. - Marcus Lucius repeated and nodded with a friendly smile. Then, he moved and as he noticed that Nerva didn't react, he screamed his friend's name. Only then, Nerva came back to the reality and followed Marcus Lucius. They didn't end their their patrol route. Instead, they returned to Maxentius's villa.
-You should rest. -Marcus Lucius said. It sounded more like an order and didn't allow Nerva to start a conversation. They were riding home. Their horses were satisfied by moving forward. They liked the rides on predefined routes. They felt free and didn't care about the wet and cold air. They seemed to like it.
Nerva was perplexed. He didn't say a word, even as he came to the barn and took care of their horses. He had thousands of questions in his head and he wanted some answers. Apparently Marcus Lucius understood and added:
-We'll talk after we have eaten and rested appropriately. Please, do me the favour and have a lie in.
It wasn't soothing. On the opposite, Nerva was annoyed, actually irritated, but he saluted and stepped back after they left the stable. He followed Marcus Lucius with his eyes watching how he vanished through the door of the villa.
It was late afternoon and Marcus Lucius went directly into Julia's bedroom. She was happy to see him again, but insecure, because she didn't communicate with him for two weeks. Without any explanation, he came closer to her, took her arm and checked her wounds. Without a word, he looked at her with ambiguous emotions in his eyes. His fatigued presence made her upset.
Armoured, he looked like a powerful soldier. However, she felt his strength even more when he was just wearing a red tunica. Then his muscles were better visible, clearly. He smelled great, even better than ever before, but he was miles away from her compared to their nightly proximity. She didn't protest when he simply fell into the bed and fell asleep. He neither dressed off nor explained anything. She lay next to him and stared at him like a maniac. She was obsessed with him and she couldn't do anything against it. She wasn't able to be angry with him at all. He came back to her. That was the most important thing. Everybody else had given her up, except for him. He had returned. The painful, scary memory of him leaving her and her being sure he would never come back, seemed to be a bad, fragile dream. Just the bandaged arm reminded her about the bad sides of the past. It was strange that she didn't feel any pain, but she explained it to herself with her unstoppable joy.
Marcus Lucius fell into the bed and slept deeply for hours. He almost didn't move and he didn't care about the cold air in the room. Julia ordered to kindle the fire more intensively after he came back. She didn't give herself any privilege to stay in cosy, warm rooms. She lay in the bed with moments of unconsciousness due to the fever caused by her wound. She wasn’t aware how Marcus Lucius came back every night and checked her condition. He didn't look directly at the wound. It had to heal and therefore, it had to be left in peace. He slept in the chair next to Julia's bed. She felt his presence and stayed calm. When she noticed him consciously, he didn't give up to keep his position in the chair. He didn't speak a word with her. He stood up before the sun appeared on the horizon and went to sleep when the night ruled for hours already.
This time, he fell into bed directly. He didn’t cover himself with a blanket nor moved it after Julia laid it over him. He was like a piece of silver wood without any motion. The only proof for his existence was the regular breath. He lay on his belly with his arms along his body. He missed the dinner and Nerva's silent visits. He missed a storm with furious thunder and lightning. The wind outside was so powerful that Julia was afraid it could break into the house any minute. Every now and then, it was so bright outside that she could see everything around as if there was sun in her room. It was frightening. She trembled a lot, first when she heard the thunder and then, when it enormously echoed in her ears. She didn't scream, which was exerting, because she had to control herself a lot. She took a pillow and hid her face into it when a new thunder appeared on the sky. Marcus Lucius didn't even tremble or move any millimetre.
Nerva stepped by every now and then to check whether Marcus Lucius was already awake. His nervousness and impatience were visible and conveyed on Julia. Nerva had dark circles around the eyes and looked at least as tired as Marcus Lucius was. His left, upper arm was covered in a bandage which contrasted with his red, woollen tunica. Julia wondered what had happened, but Nerva didn't answer. She sent him to rest as well, but he refused every time. Apparently, he felt offended. He was convinced that Marcus Lucius had ordered Julia to send him away. Nerva simply wanted to get informed when Marcus Lucius woke up and as every impatient person, he wanted to get his answers as soon as possible. Julia assured that she would send her own slaves to bring word. Marcus Lucius didn't react in any way.
Without Octavian, Nerva seemed to be lonely and sad, even though he took it as a man and didn't complain or make strange face expressions. Just his eyes weren't as vivid and joyful as usual. Nerva stayed in Eboracum, because he was supposed to accompany Julia on her way with Cornelius. Due to the change of plans, he followed Marcus Lucius to the camp and accompanied him all the time. It brought a special kind of peace into Julia's soul. At least, Marcus Lucius had someone skilled and reliable on his side.
Because Julia didn't see Marcus Lucius for days, she assumed that he spent all the hours training with the legionnaires as Nerva once mentioned. No other information was available to Julia which made her feel increasingly insecure. Nobody had even the slightest idea where Marcus Lucius and Nerva spent their time and it wasn't supportive to ask any legionnaire of Cornelius, because it could just raise unnecessary questions. She was increasingly tensed and stressed. It wasn't a nice, comfortable state of soul. Therefore, she preferred to stay in cold, empty rooms, because she could deceive her senses and guide her thoughts to her ba
sic instincts.
Nerva was unsettled and orbited around Julia’s bedroom. He couldn't find his peace, especially when he remembered the last days, lacking understanding of the local language, not following the concept of Marcus Lucius and the wound he got. He wasn't used to be injured. Additionally, he wasn't sure what to do. He needed instructions. The best strategy to come to a conclusion was to step back and go to the basics. He thought about the day after Octavian left Eboracum, when Marcus Lucius spoke with Cornelius. It was a private talk, but Nerva was just a few meters away from them and could hear every word that was said. Cornelius had sent all his men away, but Marcus Lucius ordered Nerva to stay, so Nerva stayed and listened carefully. Cornelius confirmed the deal of the last day as if he wasn't sure that Marcus Lucius really didn't intend to take the official leading position.
-I called off my soldiers. - Cornelius added quietly.
-I've noticed. Thank you. - Marcus Lucius confirmed.
-What do you plan to do? - Cornelius was interested and stressed. His tension was visible.
Marcus Lucius didn't show anything that could provoke Cornelius.
-We have to be prepared. The legionnaires have to train. I'll overtake it. In a month, they'll start patrolling the surrounding. - Marcus Lucius's words were short, quickly spoken.
-What do you plan to do during the month? We can get attacked again! - Cornelius sounded ruffled and angry.
-They'll start patrolling the surrounding in a month. - Marcus Lucius repeated with the emphasis on “they”. - We'll start patrolling immediately.
Nerva wondered about the strict, exact, emotionless tone and. He appeared confident and masterfully on another, unknown level. When Nerva had met Marcus Lucius for the very first time, he saw a wounded lion that fought for a good thing. Even when he lay on the ground unarmed like a child, he emitted a kind of seriousness and power. Nerva was impressed by the generous gesture of Marcus Lucius when he allowed him to sleep in his bed in his wagon, while he himself stayed sitting on the floor. During the following weeks, there were not many contacts between them. During the last days, Nerva used to look at Marcus Lucius as a buddy, great, reliable, but silent companion.
But in the moment when Marcus Lucius and Cornelius talked, something changed. In a natural, acceptable way Marcus Lucius became a leader. He was no tyrant, who forces you to proceed with all possible means. On the opposite, Marcus Lucius didn't need to force anyone to rule the situation. Appius had foreseen this strength when he once said that Marcus Lucius had to grow up to become the real son of Maximus. In this one scene, it was really the case. A man stepped down from the way he was following before.
Nerva was relieved to finally have someone close to him, who knew what to do, how to behave, which orders were needed. It was a good feeling, even though there were some doubts about Marcus Lucius's identity and Octavian's ride to Appius. Appius was the ultimate decision maker and consulter.
During the following days, Marcus Lucius kept silent and the patrolling started again. In the rainy days, evenings and even nights, they were on the road stepping by villages in the locality of Eboracum. The village inhabitants kept their distance, even though their strange talks were louder. Nerva didn't understand a word and he didn't feel comfortable when someone obviously was talking about him but he couldn’t grasp the context. The ambiguous facial expressions of the locals weren't supportive.
Not the weather, which was clearly worse than in any other part of the Empire, was the most tiring thing. It was the constant silence during the time spent patrolling, that was most annoying. Therefore, Nerva enjoyed the moments when he got a report from Rufus, a good companion on the battle fields and during the trainings, but the worst friend in the private life. Rufus didn't participate in any celebration, he didn't pray, he didn't drink, he didn't go to the women to have sex. Octavian wasn't good with such things, either, but Octavian - at least - tried to settle in.
Nerva needed a consultation for future actions. When Julia asked what happened, Nerva kept silence and referred her to Marcus Lucius. He didn't want to tell her what further steps Marcus Lucius had planned, because he wasn't informed about it. On the way back to the villa after the talk with Cornelius two weeks ago, Marcus Lucius had mentioned he was thinking about sending Julia to Naples with delay. After he sent a messenger to her father to give the note about the change of plans, he started the daily routine of patrols. As cause for Julia's delay, Marcus Lucius mentioned the latest occurrences and the higher risk of travelling these days without describing anything in particular. Nerva wasn't sure whether Julia was involved in these plans. It was rather less probable. Nerva wondered when Marcus Lucius would find time for it. For more than two weeks, Marcus Lucius was just on the road and Nerva became his best companion. Even though they didn't talk at all, there was a special kind of connection that bounded them together.
Nerva was used to be on the run in a chaotic, energetic way. Usually, he was the messenger of really good or totally bad news. He was trained to be a fighter, but he didn’t have any occasion to prove himself in any combat until he settled down in Eboracum. Appius used to say that Nerva had to focus on the tasks of great responsibility. Bringing the news and being a communication channel had the same high priority as swinging the sword on a battlefield. However, the training hours were part of Nerva's exercises. Being a messenger was risky as well. Appius was sure that Nerva had to be prepared for any kind of action, reaction, decision. On the long trips, Nerva visited many different places and didn't graft his soul anywhere. He wasn't like a planted tree that knew where its roots were. He was like the seeds from an orchid family that are generally blown off like dust particles or spores after ripening. Nerva was here and there, but he had no home to return to. Most soldiers preferred a place or a chosen location to call their home. Nerva didn't. He loved to be in motion, from one point to another. He loved small talks. He loved new faces and scratching the surface of the world. He didn't feel related to places, but he felt connected to people. His relation to Appius and Octavian was Nerva's only point of reference. Octavian and he were like brothers. Appius and he were like the master and scholar. With Marcus Lucius he started building a strong friendship.
In Britannia, through the daily routine including riding the same routes and looking at the same trees, frozen bayous and other elements of the surrounding, Nerva discovered that being in one place could calm you down and bring some rest into the soul. However, he needed some days to settle down his thoughts and doubts. Only then, a kind of unknown, but welcomed silence flew through him. He understood this the evening, he got wounded. He inveighed against the entire world and was close to snapping any moment. It wasn't the pain in the body that annoyed him so much. It was the awareness of being captured in a rainy, unhappy, immutable place, the furthest, the less interesting part of the empire instead of having a talk here or there. Nerva noticed that Marcus Lucius had killed the rest of the offenders and in the moment, when the little fight was over, Marcus Lucius changed from the enormously fast, active, outstanding warrior into a calm, peaceful man watching the sunset at the horizon. Nerva looked in the same direction and the last sun rays brought a new thought: the place was impressive with its masterfully synchronized colours of the sky, woods and the road ahead.
When Marcus Lucius stitched him later that night, Nerva felt good for the very first time. He calmed down after he drunk a sea of wine. Actually, he wanted to drink to forget his thoughts, instead, he made peace with the situation. He got the illuminative impression that the more he tried to run away the more troubles were combined with the escape. It was obvious that he had to accept the circumstances. He hadn't forced himself to like it, but he could learn to tolerate it. It was a step into a good direction.
Continuous ups and downs used to give him adrenaline shocks in the blood. He liked the kick, because it distracted him from thoughts coming from the deepest corner of the heart. During the two weeks with Marcus Lucius, a special kind of inner peace established itsel
f in his soul. He started paying attention to the dark, gloomy, but calm places around him that became the perfect environment for him. Just the rain ruined the idealistically sombre climate.
Nerva wasn't informed how long the delay with Julia's travel should take. Marcus Lucius hadn’t explained anything – neither directly after the talk with Cornelius, nor in the following two weeks. Marcus Lucius said he wanted to talk with Julia later, and “later” was so undefined that it could take years before a talk would take place. Marcus Lucius looked tired, sad, as if he would be forced to carry a heavy load on his shoulders. Nerva felt it through his sleekly rough skin. From the very beginning, from the day he came back from a journey that never took place, Marcus Lucius asked Nerva to stay in Britannia. He didn't define any tasks, he didn't describe anything, he simply expressed a question that had to be answered with something like “Yes, I do” or even “Of course, I do”. Marcus Lucius didn’t have any right to decree anything, but his appearance forced Nerva to behave friendly and stay supportive. When Nerva asked which kind of help was needed, Marcus Lucius shook his head with refusal. When Nerva asked whether he had to go to Appius, Marcus Lucius refused again.
-I need you here. We'll wait for Octavian to come back with news and advice from Appius. Then, we'll decide what to do next. We have a month for trainings and patrols.
There were no further statements. On the opposite, Marcus Lucius kept silence for days as if his lips were glued together. It was strange, and Nerva waited for any whisper, any word, any expression that could disclose the run of thoughts in Marcus Lucius's head. Two weeks, there was almost no visible communication. However, there was a bond getting stronger and stronger with every day. The common rides and the hours of silence brought them surprisingly close.
Everybody was surprised to hear that Marcus Lucius had spoken in this strange, local dialect. Nerva had seen the shock in the eyes of the local inhabitants gathered there. Their eyebrows were raised so high that they almost left poleaxed faces. Marcus Lucius had solved the situation by politely waiting for an answer and when he got one, he had replied something in the strange dialect and signalled Nerva to go.
When they came back to the villa, it was late afternoon. They skipped the second round of patrolling and the visit in the camp. Marcus Lucius fell into bed like a stone and Nerva wasn't able to talk to him. It was like the command for the great, precious, but treacherous "Open Sesame" phrase, which allows you to enter a magic, gold world inside a rough, grey, ordinary rock. After days of silence, hours of sleep followed and no exchange of opinions was in sight.
Nerva waited impatiently for Marcus Lucius to wake up, but he didn't wish to be the one to wake him. From time to time he gazed at Julia, who seemed to be confused. She looked more and more scared and Nerva wondered what was thinking about. He got to know an uncountable number of women and he never thought about one female twice. There were so many females in the world that it simply was a waste of time to concentrate all attention just on one. Instead of going into the depth of a relationship, he preferred the massive range of choice between the masses. It was very easy to get into contact with them. He just had to say a nice thing or not even say anything at all, and these women wanted to get him, to seduce him, to bind him. The more he resisted, the more he was the target of female intrigues who wanted to impress him. He used it in his own, egoistic way responding to their need to have him as the most precious piece in their collection. It was much easier to taste female lips and bodies or have a quickie during a day without getting involved for longer than one night. Finding another woman was less complicated than investing time and patience into keeping contact. He left them without saying goodbye and they were still hoping that he would come back.
Only now, staying around Julia, he noticed how demanding it was to follow one female's movements, gestures, words. He was raised by his uncle, who used to escape from his wife in any possible way. During his escapades, he visited bawdy houses full of people in good mood and with pleased smiles, people with crooked teeth and sour breath. Little Nerva had to stay as a guard and give signals in case of emergency, which meant the furious, unpredictable aunt. Bolting from his fat, sweaty aunt was part of his life, one of the very first challenges. She haunted him with prong taken away from the slaves who were responsible for the garden. She haunted him in reality and in his dreams screaming “I'll teach you a lesson, you randy old devil!”. The flight didn't stop when Nerva moved on and became a soldier. Getting in contact with women was easy. Running away from them was a habit. The best trainings were absolved on the dusty, dried streets in front of the oldest, impoverished houses of lust and sex.
Meeting Julia forced him to think about how he should behave and what he should say. He couldn't move away from the villa and that forced him to see Julia more often. It was a new experience and he tried to avoid contacts. Julia didn't notice this. She excused him with his tiredness. Every time she saw him stepping by, she asked thoughtfully, whether Nerva needed anything. She ordered food and wine for him. Her hands were shaky and her eyes unsettled. He didn't want to ask her for the reason of her fear. He didn't want to go into the depth of her soul. He wasn't ready for it. Instead, he kept refusing steadily and politely, and went away before the ordered things were brought by the slaves. Julia didn't try to stop him which seemed odd to him. He was confused. He couldn't make head or tail of it. This woman was complicated.
Finally, after hours of deep, needed sleep Marcus Lucius woke up. He didn't catch up on the lack of sleep he felt, but it was the right step into the proper direction. Possibly the last peal of thunder was the cause for him waking up. He didn't stand up immediately. Instead, he looked around shortly and was relieved to see Julia only some meters away. As usual, she was covered in a thick, dark blanket. Her face and fingertips sticking out from the depth of the woollen cocoon looked cute. He heard her voice and tried to understand what she was saying. Her tone was friendly. She sent away a slave with a plate full of meat and dough. She didn't have to be nice to anyone, but she was. Everybody loved her supportive nature. She had a warm spark in her eyes that could be seen even in the dim light of the room. Marcus Lucius appreciated her caring, visible in her inconspicuous, fragile, but useful and natural gestures like tucking Marcus Lucius up with a blanket or having a glass with water and wine ready for him.
He yawned and changed his position to be able to lie on his back. It hadn’t been the best idea to sleep armoured. The steel clashed as he tried to get up. The storm was over. The sleepiness was gone, too.
-Oh, you're awake. - Julia's tone betrayed her happiness, but also her insecurity.
She came closer in a dynamic, graceful way that he saw for the very first time. It was a nice surprise. However, he wasn't sure how he was supposed to react. His instinct pushed him to take her hand and force her to lay in the bed, kiss her everywhere and breathe her incredibly desirable scent. However, his mind limited his spontaneous actions and just allowed him to smile nicely. Julia's enthusiasm slowed down visibly. She was raised to support her man without putting his decisions or reasons into question. She was meant to sacrifice all her energy regardless of her own good. She wasn't aware that this originated in the conditional education by parents.
-You should eat something. Nerva didn't eat anything at all. Maybe he needs your company.
Marcus Lucius wanted to know why Julia mentioned one of Appius's soldiers. He hoped she talked about a more private topic. His smile stayed captured on his lips, but its naturalness decreased a bit. He stood up and indicated with his finger that he wished to have dinner served. On his way to the wooden table, he passed Julia, because he needed to feel her even shortly, even briefly. She trembled and he wasn't sure what was happening. His insecurity wasn't visible. He was a tough guy, who didn't show many emotions.
He sat down on his favourite chair and yawned again. He wasn't well rested, but did have enough time to relax. He raised his arms behind his neck and stretched himself slowly. He moved his head in a w
ay that made Julia come to him. She hesitated a moment, but behaved as predicted. She stopped when she wasn’t yet close enough to touch him without moving forward, but close enough to feel his skin when she raised her hand. She was stepping out of her shyness and dared to reach for a dream she wanted to become real.
Marcus Lucius was flabbergasted, even though Julia didn't notice it. Looking at her, he felt the edge of Julia's blanket that allowed him to get to the girl's skin. He grabbed her left underarm softly, slowly, purposely. His eyes carefully observed Julia's face. Her pupils got bigger and showed surprise. He slid with his fingers to her hand and stroked her gently. His fingers were warm. His look was provocative.
-With all due respect, you have dirty a look in your eyes. - She said with red cheeks and confusion in her eyes.
-With all due respect, I'm losing my bearing. - He answered with a naughty smile.
-I'm pleased, but not sure whether it's good or bad.
He gently pulled her close to him and she lost her balance. He caught her immediately which surprised her a lot. She didn’t realise how he moved from the chair and bowed over her. He looked her deeply in the eyes and Julia felt an ocean of emotions inside her. But her face turned stony when he grabbed after her left underarm. In the moment, he felt the bandages, his smile disappeared and his eyes got a serious expression.
-I have to check your wound. - He said sadly and helped her to stand up on her own legs again.
Her look was confused. She was insecure, again. Internally, she fought with herself and turned over thoughts like “he likes me a lot” and “no, it's just his compassion” and “it's just your imagination”. Right in that moment, she felt betrayed by her senses and scored the deepest hole of all.
-Don't bother, I am fine.
Her straight, but slightly cold tone without hesitation surprised Marcus Lucius. She stood upright and confident. She looked the same way as when she told him why she had hurt herself. He still was not able to completely understand her reasons, even if the rational explanation was quite logical. Apparently she was a person, who was planning some steps in advance instead of acting spontaneously. It was admirable how genuine she appeared. However, Marcus Lucius didn't like self-mutilation being a part of her plan. He wasn't sure whether she was not all awake. He held her wrists and didn't allow her to go away, even though she didn't give the impression to flee any moment. She could move her head freely, but she stayed focussed on his face expression.
-Why did you do it? - He badly wanted to understand her reasons and hoped that her full answer would be comprehensible.
-I thought that was what you wanted. - She started.
He was so surprised and wondered that he wasn't able to control his face. He had never wished for her to be hurt. He had never said anything that she could take as an order to do that. Before he refused aloud, she added:
-Appius said... I thought... I can't go back to my family. I can, but I don't want to. I... - She was so confused and embarrassed that she didn't finish her sentence.
One minute, she looked and appeared strong, then, she opened herself to Marcus Lucius. He didn't see it as a weakness. It was indeed brave to show so much trust. Even though he didn't understand everything and needed further explanation, he recognized the direction. In a way, he felt that she needed a kind of confirmation that her motives were right, but her actions were everything but right. Instinctively, he hugged her and she carefully put her hands around his back. He didn't feel her touch as much as he wanted, because he was still wearing thick clothes and his armour. He had fallen asleep completely dressed and tucked up, tired as he was. It was silly and lazy, but he had slept in less comfortable surroundings, so it wasn't the worst experience.
-Whatever... - She said finally. - What were you doing the last days anyway? - Her question appeared like an arrow.
Marcus Lucius smiled. It was a good distraction tactic. She didn't answer his question, instead she brought up own points with need of clarification.
-How long did I sleep? - He started another attempt to distract himself from any thought about her.
-The entire evening and the half of the night. - She answered quickly.
He was surprised. In his opinion, the sunrise was coming slowly.
-Did you have a good sleep? - She asked quietly, insecure. She showed this special kind of cute uncertainty that he had observed so often during the journey to Britannia when he suddenly woke up while she was cleaning his wounds. She didn't turn red a lot, but there was a unique shadow in her eyes.
-I did. - He confirmed freely. - Did you sleep at all?
-Yes, yes. - Her answer came too hurriedly and she had a wrinkle on her forehead that betrayed her lie. He smiled and she was confused. She was like an open map to read. If you knew her expressions, you could decode everything.
-No, no. Go to bed and get some sleep. - He ordered friendly.
He noticed her disappointment and he couldn't leave her like this. He accompanied her, gently forced her to sit down on the edge of the bed. Then, he brought a bowl with water and a towel. He started taking off the bandages on her arm while talking:
-I promised Cornelius to observe the area. The men from the North were attacking us recently. They came her more often.
Julia didn't look at him at all, but she listened carefully to every word he spoke. She was confused and insecure inside, because there was no clearly defined behaviour of his. He treated her differently. After calling her with Decima's name, he got distanced. Then, he helped her to survive the hours spent on the ship. In the villa, he either showed complete care and affection or he simply ignored her like during the last days. She analysed what she did to make him step back and she felt guilty for this situation.
-We were in the villages around the camp and I listened to what the local people had to say. They are disappointed and feel left behind by the Romans. We have to do something about it. Additionally, Cornelius's soldiers are not prepared for a fight. I ordered them to get some training and Rufus Gallus, the second hand of Cornelius, took over the task. In a week, I'll go with Nerva to meet the local people. We'll talk. We need to join our forces. Only then, when the situation will be clear enough, I'll send you to your father as Cornelius wished.
Marcus Lucius's voice was calm and pleasant while he reported her the summary of the last days. He cleaned the skin on her forearm and looked at her face every now and then. She still avoided his look and he couldn't understand her reasons. The wound started to heal, but it was just the start of a long, difficult process. The jagged, rugged pieces of her skin weren't curable as easily as straight cuts. Just thinking about Julia's arguments explaining the reason for her self-mutilation made him deeply sad. She did it for him. He was supposed to lose the ballast of her person so his road to revenge would be open. He wouldn’t have been forced to look back at Britannia and would have been able to concentrate on himself instead of taking care of Julia. It was noble and so stupid at the same time. It made him furious. Just the thought that she could disappear from the world of living people was a horrible thought.
She noticed his increasing sadness, but she didn't react. When he said she was supposed to travel to her father, she became gloomy and desperate. She tried to put her thoughts into a plan that gave her enough power to survive the days up to her journey. He wanted her to go away from this place he wanted to leave, so she concluded he didn't want her at all. She didn't know his reasons, but telling her the perspective of sending her home was already scary and disappointing. In that moment she hated him for that. And she hated to hate him.
Marcus Lucius observed her and the deep sadness in her eyes couldn’t be overseen.
-Are you fine? - He asked with sorrow. He was afraid he hurt her by washing her underarm with water mixed with medicine.
-I am fine. - She said.
-I have to stitch your wound. It won't heal on its own. - He judged after a minutes of silence, while he analysed the state of her wound.
-If you say s
o. – She showed resignation. Marcus Lucius thought about her courage to bear the pain, while he prepared the threaded needle and Julia planned how to kill herself on the journey to Naples.
-Are you prepared? - Marcus Lucius asked with a timid voice. He didn't feel well about stitching her, but he knew it was needed to help with the healing process. She didn’t have such rough skin and no dirty laugh like Nerva and it was much more difficult to cause her pain and to focus on the needle.
Julia didn't answer and her look stayed captured on somewhere beyond Marcus Lucius's sight. Her lips were pressed together like two lines. Her body was tensed.
-Look at me. - He said. - Relax. Breathe easily. Do you wish to drink?
She started to breathe in deeper and longer, but she didn't look at him at all. She felt like crying every moment and she didn't intend to show him any sign of weakness. He wanted to leave her, to send her to her father, and it made her so unbelievably mournful. She tried to pull herself together. Under his skin he felt she stood at the edge of desperation which didn't make it easier to start stitching her. He laid her underarm on his knee. She was still sitting next to him, but she had to bow a bit and it wasn't a comfortable position. Accompanied by objections, he started anyway. She bit her lips, but stayed unmoved. The bodily pain helped her through the dark thoughts in her head. The pain was like the saving grace. Marcus Lucius was focussed on her arm, but kept glancing at her face. He saw the expression in her eyes and couldn't find what he was missing.
-Dominus! - An anxious scream broke the silence. One of the slaves stepped into the room and tried to be faster than Nerva.
Nerva looked tired. He had almost red eyes beset by dark skin. When he saw Marcus Lucius stitching Julia, he stopped. He knew from his own experience how painful it could be to bear every stitch of a needle.
Marcus Lucius moved his head to Nerva and sent the slave away.
-What brings you here? - Marcus Lucius asked rather impolite, stressed.
-I wanted to talk with you about what we plan. - Nerva mumbled and couldn't take his eyes off Julia's arm. The girl trembled a little, but held still. Nerva was more than just simply impressed.
-Do you need any help? - Nerva added, looking like an obsessed person.
-You could hold her hand fixed. - Marcus Lucius ordered.
Nerva didn't hesitate any moment and kneed between Marcus Lucius and Julia. Then, he touched Julia's arm gently, insecure. Julia's face was like a stony sculpture of a goddess: beautiful, immortal, but motionless. Her look was directed to a point on a wall that was definitely not interesting. Her arm trembled a little reflexively.
As soon as Nerva was prepared, Marcus Lucius continued to stitch the girl. She seemed to be not participating in the events, so Marcus Lucius started talking to Nerva:
-We have to go to the local villagers in seven days. They will gather their council of elders to define the further strategy. We'll take their advice and forge out plans including Cornelius's soldiers from the camp.
-And Cornelius will give us his legionnaires? - Nerva doubted visibly. Additionally, he was surprised that Marcus Lucius discussed such themes in front of a woman. He didn't feel good with it.
-These soldiers are here to protect the borders of the empire, so they will fulfil their obligation.
-You know I didn't mean it that way. - Nerva added. It was obvious that they had the right, but he wasn't sure whether they had the remedies.
-I know, but we have to act according our possibilities and needs. First, let us talk with the local elders. Then, we'll look at what is needed from our side.
-I think you already have a plan. You had your plan already before you spoke with Cornelius last time. - Nerva had mentioned the talk more than two weeks ago.
-I have a draft plan. I have to see whether it's possible to implement it. - Marcus Lucius confirmed.
-With all due respect, why didn't you ever mention that you speak their language? - Nerva was still completely disappointed by the lack of trust Marcus Lucius showed.
-I wasn't sure how much I still command it. I needed these days to listen to the local villagers and to refresh my memories. - Marcus Lucius answered shortly and Nerva nodded with understanding.
It wasn't the complete truth. Marcus Lucius had started refreshing his memories already when he started his rides around the camp with Octavian. After every training he practiced with two servants brought from the local surrounding. After it was known that Maxentius's slaves were killed in the ambush, he had to get a new crew. It was important to him to get slaves who could improve his range of languages. The chosen two local villagers were surprised by the task they got assigned, but they didn't ask any questions. The other servants were sent to keep the household and support the slaves brought from Italy.
Marcus Lucius wasn't sure when he had learnt the local language during his first stay in Britannia. It was more or less happening between the trainings, meals and sleep. His father assigned a servant from the local community to him and this was the beginning of the learning process. It didn't occur to Marcus Lucius as learning by doing. He wasn't aware how much he inhaled just by being there. Only when he listened to the local people, he got how much he was able to understand. The dialect of the camp, where he was, was similar to the dialect of people around Eboracum. However, some words were different and he needed to get to know the language better.
Marcus Lucius gazed at Julia. Her look became fuzzy. She could easily pass out which wouldn't be supportive.
-Nerva, would you be so kind and hold the needle for a moment? - Marcus Lucius asked and gave the needle to his friend. - Julia, we'll lay you down on the bed.
Then, he stood up and helped Julia to lie down. Nerva looked at the underarm with the thread coming out of it. Marcus Lucius took care of her entire body. He was mindful when he touched her shoulders and legs. He watched out for her head. She followed his look and smiled minimally. It was a sad smile. Marcus Lucius wasn't sure what she tried to communicate to him.
-Julia, you have to hold on for one more moment. I’m almost finished. - Marcus Lucius said quietly.
Nerva saw a kind of special connection between the two and it confused him. Julia was a girl who had the trust of Appius and Marcus Lucius. She had the gift to calm down people. Being in her company already made everyone feel better. She didn't talk a lot. She didn't push herself on the fore. She took the stitches as a man. She was incredible.
In the moment, Marcus Lucius helped her to lie down, a connection between the two was visible. They didn't talk at all, but they understood each other like good friends. It was a new experience to see such a bound between a man and a woman. It didn't match the picture Nerva's carried in his heart over the years.
Julia would have fallen down in the bed like a stone, if Marcus Lucius didn’t hold her head gently. Her eyes were closed and her lips were still pressed together. The pain was high and overwhelming. Marcus Lucius ended the stitching and sent Nerva away.
-Get some rest, good friend. We have today, and tomorrow, and the following days to gather our strength. - Marcus Lucius said.
Nerva didn't oppose and left the room quickly. He went to his bedroom and finally, after having taken off his armour, he was able to fall asleep. He dreamt about Julia lying wounded in her bed. He saw her eyes full of pain, but strength as well. She didn't say a word, but she looked at him in a strange way. She wanted to tell him something, but her lips were stitched together. He wanted to help her, but he wasn't able to come closer. An unknown force kept him glued to the place where he was. Nerva woke up sweaty and scared. The dream was so real and weird that he wanted to check whether Julia was healthy and well or not. He jumped out of bed and ran to the doors of Julia's bedroom. He didn't dare to go inside. He thought about Marcus Lucius and he slapped himself with the hand on his forehead.
-What a fool am I... - He whispered. - If she doesn't feel well, Marcus Lucius is at her side.
However, he couldn't just simply go away. He felt like an
idiot, but he searched for one of Julia's slaves. The younger one was easier to find. Chloe was surprised to see him.
-Just go and look at her, come back and report to me what I asked. - He said.
It wasn't an order. Chloe saw sorrow in his unsettled eyes and she couldn't refuse. She didn't feel well when she stepped into the bedroom. She went in slowly, insecure, cautiously between the columns of the hallway. When she was finally able to take a look at the bed, she caught the look of Marcus Lucius, who apparently had heard her steps.
-Forgiveness, dominus, your friend Nerva asks whether everything is all right. - Chloe whispered, because she noticed that Julia was sleeping in Marcus Lucius's arms.
Marcus Lucius smiled relieved. His friend was a friend indeed.
-Tell him that everything is fine and he should finally go to sleep. Take care that he will really lie down.
-Yes, dominus. - Chloe nodded and went away. Then, she repeated everything to Nerva.
As he went away, she followed him. He stopped and turned around.
-What do you think you're doing? - He asked.
-Dominus ordered me to check whether you really go into your bed.
Nerva was tired and didn't have the wish to talk to anyone. He ignored the slave and went in the envisaged direction. He ignored Chloe following him. He disregarded her as he fell into bed with relief and tried to fall asleep. The problem was that he was so afraid to dream the scary story again that he fought against his chronic fatigue. He gazed at the ceiling and felt increasingly annoyed that Chloe was still there.
-Go away! - He ordered, but she didn't move.
He threw a pillow at her and hit her stomach. She didn't flinch.
-Totty! - Nerva screamed irritated as he looked into her direction. - Why, in the name of all gods, don't you go away?!
She kept silent and hesitated. After he yelled at her for the third time, she ran away. He went back to bed and tried not to sleep. The demons of his past accompanied him and didn't want to leave his side. He was tortured for hours.
In the meanwhile, Marcus Lucius hugged Julia tighter. After Nerva left, she lost her consciousness and when she came back to the reality, she noticed that Marcus Lucius lay next to her. He didn't sleep, but observed her and smiled when she looked at him.
-You were really tough today. - He whispered. - You should rest now.
He wanted to get up, but she turned to him and laid her left hand on his chest. He simply couldn't oppose. She needed him and he recognized it. He stayed at her side and she pressed her hand harder to his chest. At the same time, he still minded how her left arm was positioned.
She fell asleep as she could hear his heartbeat. It calmed her down and she needed to stay smooth after days of confusion. She felt safe and good. At least for the next moments, she wanted to live the illusion of being liked or even loved.
Her calmness brought peace into his heart. His fingers weren't shaky when he stitched her, but after he finished and put everything aside, he trembled inside like jelly. As long as it was needed, he could control his body, but now he had to blow off his steam. He couldn't leave her alone after she lost consciousness and he couldn't go away now that she got back her senses. Being at her side made him feel like being in the right place at the right time. While she was sleeping, he remembered the pain he saw in her eyes and every prick came back and stabbed his heart at least with the double power. It wasn't easy to cause pain to her, the person of great interest, and additionally, he did it with purpose. The goal was to help her healing process. Her wound looked better, but it didn't seem to heal on its own. He stitched her and bandaged the underarm completely. Then, he laid himself next to her and stroked her hair. He breathed her scent which he had missed during the last days.
After the night, when they became quite intimate and cosy, he wasn't sure how to behave in her proximity, so he avoided her. Furthermore, he needed to check the situation around the camp and he wanted to stay focussed on the task he promised to fulfil. She was a distraction, because he wasn't sure how to proceed. He didn't want to force or push her to do anything, if she didn't want to take any further step. If she wanted to go forward, she had to give him a sign coming from her heart, not derived by his intensions. It was a new feeling he never had in his strategy. He always got what he wanted. He went in the direction he targeted. He didn't use to look back at other people. The others had to adapt themselves to him. Sometimes he moved just minimally away from the aimed way, but regarded any person as high as Julia. He was not able not to consider her feelings.
When sleeping, he felt good having her on his side. As she laid her hand on his chest, it was the signal he wished to get. With relief, he smiled and became relaxed and happy. He wasn’t aware of falling asleep, but he woke up when he heard someone coming closer. The reflexes warned him and he was ready to fight. He didn't move and didn't open his eyes until he recognized the shy steps of one of Julia's slaves. Chloe was surprised. Marcus Lucius managed the situation as fast as it was possible. He didn't want to lose any moment of his own happiness.
Julia didn't wake up from the short conversation and Marcus Lucius was relieved about it. He didn't want her to be ripped out of her dreams. She looked so cute and so innocent what simply confirmed her usual, real appearance. He was aware that he didn't want to lose her. When he remembered his attempt to go to Appius, he thought he wouldn't stand even one day without her. It hit him. The scales fell from his eyes.
He became scared because of two reasons. The first one was quite predictable: he already missed her, even if she wasn't on the road to Naples yet. He wasn't sure whether he could stay here alone. It was scary, but he could live with it. The second consideration was his dependence on her. It could be dangerous. He didn't care about his life, but he was afraid that someone could use her vulnerability against him. Already the thought about her being hurt just to influence him was scary. Decima's death wrecked him. If he wouldn't have Julia, he would feel worse. He didn't want to think about it, but the anxiety already settled down in his heart. He hugged her tighter and if it was up to him, he would never leave this bed.
Plagued by his anxiety, he fell asleep. Her presence made it possible. During the first hours, he got the needed amount of sleep to function again and in the hours spent by Julia's side, he got the needed amount of relaxation and good vibrations. He held her close and automatically stroke her back. She laid her head on his chest and her fingers next to his shoulder. He felt it through the dreams and smiled. He was happy. She was happy, too. She wasn't sure what to think, so she tried to switch off her mind. In her dreams, she already created a wonderful, worriless world full of love and affection. She didn't feel the pain in her arm. She was fulfilled with adrenaline. She had felt an endorphin rush due to her excitement, pain, and love.
Marcus Lucius woke up and watched her sleeping. It was already late, around noon. He stood up and left the villa. The last days, he visited Cornelius and saw how the legionnaires were trained. This day, he felt obligated to do the same, and not to strike in any way. He left Julia on her own and he didn't send anyone to bring Nerva.
Cornelius always smiled politely, but Marcus Lucius stayed distanced. It was rather improbable that these two will become friends. They were companions of necessity. Cornelius limited himself as much as possible and used to ask:
-Did you discover something new?
-No, everything is the way it was. - Marcus Lucius answered.
Marcus Lucius didn't mention the incidents. He was really aware of the importance of the attempts made by the men from the North, but he didn't want to share his knowledge with Cornelius. Due to the talks with Rufus, Marcus Lucius got to know that there were similar attempts earlier that year and even in the year before. There was an unexplained lack of action needed to manage the critical situation.
Cornelius was a good speaker and he could easily take a place in the senate. However, his skills as a soldier weren't the best and he was overly challenged with the honour of the camp'
s commander. The truth was that he got the position just due to connections of his brother. Cornelius never had aspirations to get a command of any camp. He wanted to go into politics but there had always been reasons that made it impossible. Julius Fabius supported his brother, but every time an arranged chance of Cornelius's absorption into senate came up, something had happened. The first time, there was an unexplained murder and someone else profited from the death of the killed senator. Then, the emperor wasn't willing to support Julius and therefore, Julius planned to get a senator's seat through the back door. Cornelius was supposed to take over the command of the camp in Britannia, where the situation was quite stable. But with increasing risk of attacks by the men from the North, it wasn't very supportive for Cornelius's career to stay there, so Maxentius was supposed to take over the leadership and the existing problems. Cornelius could go back to Rome as a winner and his importance would glance in the sign of the Fabii family. Maxentius should stay in Britannia and his head would roll with the defeat. Julius could cancel the marriage with Julia and she would be free for a new relationship. Everybody would understand the move of undoing Julia's marriage, Cornelius's promotion and Maxentius's loss. It was a perfect plan. But it hadn’t been considered that Maxentius could actually be able to manage the situation. And Cornelius couldn't be the winner, if Maxentius's would earn more victories than he. Therefore, Cornelius had to stay and obtain the position as long as it was possible. He was forced to risk and decide spontaneously what to do next. The lack of backup and the missing opportunity to agree upon further steps with Julius made Cornelius so freaky that he limited his actions and words. Slowly, he became paranoid. He didn't feel good about it, because Maxentius seemed to be a reliable man, opposite to what Julius said.
Maxentius, actually Marcus Lucius, seemed to be a reliable, skilled soldier and could solve the tense situation. It thwarted Julius's plans. Cornelius sent his messenger to his brother to ask for some suggestions. The evacuation into the warm, cosy, rain-free Italy was definitely postponed to a later time. Cornelius observed how Marcus Lucius talked with Rufus about the progress of the legionnaires every day. These short talks were competent and professional. It was hard to look through Maxentius and his qualified, drilled way of being a good soldier. It was almost like looking at Appius himself with his straight, honourable and loyal attitude.
After Marcus Lucius talked with Rufus, he went to observe the legionnaires during their training for at least an hour to. He didn't say a word. His face was concentrated and his eyes followed the moves. They almost didn't notice him, because he didn't step into the foreground. He stayed hidden next to a tent. His fingers touched his chin gently, slowly, every now and then.
After he saw enough, he dismissed and rode back to the villa. Julia was rather snoozing than sleeping. He took off his armour and stepped shortly into Nerva’s room. He brought in cold wind captured in his clothes and hair.
His friend was visibly tired this afternoon, but still watchful. As Marcus Lucius came into the room, Nerva moved, but didn't wake up. Marcus Lucius was quiet enough after he made sure Nerva was indeed resting, he returned to Julia with a relieved smile. He slipped into the bed and tried to find the position he had left earlier. Julia's arm was his biggest sorrow and he minded how she laid it, even if she didn't considered it while snoozing. Carefully, he took her right underarm and put it on his chest. Needing the proximity of a woman was a new feeling. Her presence calmed him down positively. The rules didn't allow him to savour the situation by seducing a woman and pretending to be her husband. However, he already lost his wife and it was quite clear that losing an important person could happen unexpectedly, unplanned, any moment. Death was not only the leading man on a battlefield, but also a starring guest in the daily routine. Marcus Lucius didn't want to look back one day and regret that he didn't use his chances to be happy with her. He didn't want to exaggerate and use Julia in any way, but he could be next to her in the moments of freedom and as long as she tolerated it.
Her fingers moved a little as if she was checking what she was touching. It was cute how insecure she was. He kept his eyes closed and concentrated on her touch and scent. He perceived how she sensed his chest under the red tunic. Her fragility could be even smelled. He wanted to support her, but at the same time, he didn't wish to unsettle her further. If she would notice his presence, she would step back like she already did in the past. He remembered how he had enjoyed the moments she cleaned his wounds and how she sometimes even bowed over him and sniffed at his chest or chin. Her scent was incredibly seductive and it wasn't easy to remain silent and keep on pretending being unconscious. He pretended sleeping as he pretended to be her man.
He had to tame her with patience. She was already belied by so many people from her closest surrounding that he knew that any further disappointment could have bad consequences and result in a huge loss of trust. She reminded him of a young horse he had to tame once. It was a sorrel animal that he took after an ambush in Thracia. The horse was of chestnut coat colour and apparently had often been beaten and didn’t like to be trained. It had a strong will and tried to escape. The animal fled after it lost its own rider. Marcus Lucius followed and caught it. The following days, he spent some time close to the horse every day but didn't do anything. He was just standing outside the wooden borders of the paddock, mostly without even looking at the animal. His movements were slow and predictable. The horse was skittish. It was a mare with deep brown, watchful eyes. It didn’t have any trust into people and it looked at them with suspicion in her eyes. Marcus Lucius learnt to read her: the way she was feeling uncomfortable, when she was getting agitated or nervous or ready to leave. It took weeks, but he managed to get her coming near to him on her terms. The mare came closer to him and touched his shoulder with her mouth. She snorted. She propelled him grossly. He didn't move, even if he couldn't look into her eyes. He smiled, but didn't laugh. The mare, he named “Lady”, started coming to him and push him gently with her mouth here and there. She observed him very cautiously and was visibly confused by his lack of reaction. When he finally stroke her for the first time, she was more surprised by the fact that he could move than by his touch. Since then, Lady had full trust into him and was a reliable, good horse.
Marcus Lucius wondered whether he was able to tame Julia as well. He knew it was a more complicated process with so many additional issues. He couldn't say at which point he was. There were many signs Julia trusted him, but there were many sidesteps. He wanted to know how far she would go willingly. He didn't intend to rush her, to force onward or to influence her too much. If she was willing to act in a special way, she was allowed to do it. He wouldn't mind any action.
In this cosy moment, she was convinced Marcus Lucius was sleeping. She turned to him and tried not to strain her bandaged arm. She laid her head on his chest slowly, insecure. Then, she started painting invisible circles and geometrical forms on his red tunic. He liked her smooth moves. He tried not to smile. She wasn't able to see his face, because her head was directed towards his stomach, but Marcus Lucius knew that you can feel a smile even without seeing it directly. Her breathe was relaxed. Her body was eased. She didn't sing, but she hummed a melody he didn't know. Her voice had a sad note and Marcus Lucius wished to know the reasons for her mood. She seemed to be happy, but in a very unhappy way. It sounded irrational, but he couldn't form any better judgement.
He didn't move at all as long as she painted unknown pictures on his stomach. When she changed her position and turned her back to him, he moved as well. He didn't lie on his back anymore, but almost glued to her backs with his body. He hugged her and was pleased that she didn't refuse. In this position, he could easily smell her4 scent from her neck. It was desirable like a drug and he sniffed a couple of time. She giggled. Apparently, the wave of air he caused was ticklish for her. Instinctively, he wanted to kiss her neck, but he resisted with a heavy heart. His nose touched her skin a couple of times, before Marcus Lucius stopped moving.
She started stroking his hand which he held under her chest.
Once, she tried to get free. Gently, she removed his arm and loosened the hug. He helped her a little. She stood up and left the room for a moment. Her steps were silent and almost non perceptive. It reminded him of good hunters, who followed and killed animals in the woods silently. He had met some skilled hunters and their walk was similar to Julia's steps. Compared to them, she was louder, but she could train her skill. Marcus Lucius turned and lay on the chest with his head directed to the door. His eyes stayed closed. He waited patiently. She came back just few moments later. Her body was cold and she trembled. When she slipped under the blanket he felt her goosebumps. Apparently, she didn't intend to wake him up, so she didn't lean against him. The coldness glued to her clothes could wake him from his dreams.
She wasn't familiar with cold winters. Already in the mid-colder autumn days she had covered herself with woollen blankets. The approaching winter would surprise her negatively. Marcus Lucius remembered how he hated the coldness of tents during his first stay in Britannia. The icy air and freezing clothes weren't his best friends, but he loved the landscapes that the winter brought with its frozen lakes and the range of snowflakes. When he thought that now was the latest moment to send Julia away, his heart refused to follow these thoughts. It was recommended to travel before the winter expands so far that a journey became almost impossible. Just in case of an emergency, people should travel in winter. Everything that could be rescheduled should be postponed. At the same time, it could be dangerous to stay here. If the men from the North attacked in winter, they were better prepared to the conditions than the Romans, even if some legionnaires had already spent some winters here. The men from the North could use their strategic advantage. In this case, someone had to stay and protect Julia in the villa. Otherwise, Marcus Lucius wouldn't be able to focus on the fight.
As far as Marcus Lucius noticed, the soldiers hadn’t fought for a long time already. Even a month of exerted training couldn't compensate all the months without. The meeting with the local elders would decide what to do with Julia. If it was more secure to send her away, then she should leave this place. However, having her around gave him the strange, new way of being protective. As long as she was here, he could take care of her himself. He knew the risks and was able to react immediately. If she would be somewhere else, far, far away, Marcus Lucius's hands would be bound as in the case of Decima. He didn't like it at all.
He stood up suddenly. He couldn't lay relaxed with these thoughts in mind. He jumped out of the bed and started walking up and down. At least here, he felt comfortable enough to behave the way he wanted without hiding behind a surface of politically correct smiles. In the corner of his eye, he noticed how he scared Julia by his abrupt action. He made another three rounds between the walls and columns of the room before turning to her and sitting down on the bed. He was aware that his moves were followed slowly and predictable. Julia observed him with the same look Lady had in insecure moments.
-I had a bad dream. - He tried to excuse himself. He wasn't sure how obvious it was.
Julia stared at him with a shadow of missing conviction. She nodded with her head, but her eyes stayed mindful. Just to direct her attention somewhere else, he asked how she felt and looked at her bandaged underarm.
-As good as can be expected under the circumstances. - She answered politely. It wasn't the answer he expected, but it was typical for her in moments of uncertainty.
-You shouldn't be scared of me. - He said suddenly and observed how she reacted.
Her first response was a refusal. Her chest went back with all the air she kept in her lungs, her eyebrows rose for two seconds, her lips shortly pressed together to one line. She obviously didn't agree with him, so she apparently felt differently. It was too easy and too inappropriate to directly ask her how she felt about him.
-You don't speak much. - He said after minutes passed by and nothing changed.
She looked him deeply in the eyes and he felt that she wanted to say something, but no word came out of her mouth.
-Fair enough. - He added shortly and stood up. - Let's eat something.
He observed casually how she got out of the bed and covered herself with a blanket. Her moves weren't fluent due to the crippled underarm. He wanted to help her, but she rejected without words. Her independent spirit didn't allow her to rely on any support.
She almost didn't eat at all. Marcus Lucius wasn't sure whether she wasn't hungry or had other ailments. He sent her to take a longer, relaxing bath.
-Mind how you go. - He said as Julia left the room accompanied by Chloe and Lysandra.
Then, he ordered to make a bigger fire in the chimney. Julia shouldn't tremble after coming back from the bath. She shouldn't get sick. As he saw that his orders started being accomplished within a blink of an eye, he went to Nerva. His friend was sleeping. It was already late in the afternoon and the whole day was spent by doing nothing. Marcus Lucius, accustomed to being on the road during the last days, went to the stable and looked after the horses. The air was cold and every breath caused a little cloud coming out of Marcus Lucius's mouth. He just wore the tunic, but he didn't tremble yet. He wasn't such a frostbite as Julia.
Hiberus was happy to see Marcus Lucius and pricked up the ears in a sign of disposition for a ride. Marcus Lucius clapped the animal on the neck twice. It wasn't the time for a journey. Hiberus understood, but needed more soft line units, so he forced Marcus Lucius to stroke the animal's head. Then, Marcus Lucius let Hiberus out of the cabin and the horse used the stable yard to walk some meters. After Marcus Lucius looked after Nerva's horse, a grey mare with white hair and some black spots on her thighs, he took one of the swords lying in the stable and started his own training. Hiberus looked at him with a question mark in his eyes. The horse wanted to know whether a ride was planned for later. After the horse noticed that Marcus Lucius was completely concentrated on his moves, it got bored and went away some meters. There was no meadow where he could run or jump freely, and the steady, sandy ground wasn't cosy. Every now and then the animal looked at Marcus Lucius keeping the distance so the man could practise freely.
Two lads, young boys with big eyes and dark, long hair, observed the situation with curiosity. They didn't expect such an understanding between a human and animal. They were responsible for feeding and cleaning all horses in the stable, even if the riders took over this task very often. The bonds between the owner and his horse were incorruptible. The lads wished to have such horses, too, one day. The animals were well trained, but beheld their own will. They supported their riders, but walked proudly and confident.
Marcus Lucius trained for two hours. In the meantime, the evening came and flambeaus were kindled. Hiberus stayed on the yard and savoured the moments outside his box. The horse looked to the gates as if it communicated the wish to leave the walls of the villa. Marcus Lucius ignored it and stayed focussed on his training. He tried to remove Julia from his thoughts and the harder he tried the less success he had.
-You're not focussed enough. - He kept saying to himself and remembered his father. Maximus used to say it rarely, but with a special tone full of disappointment and motivation at once. Marcus Lucius couldn't imitate the tone, but it moved him to try again. He ignored his sweat and tension.
Then, Marcus Lucius noticed a presence of someone else in the yard. In the corner of his eye, he noticed Nerva approaching. His steps were silent and unremarkable, but a well-trained soldier, even concentrated on other things, could perceive any change in the surrounding. Nerva wasn’t surprised that Marcus Lucius greeted him shortly with a salutation. When he arrived, he pulled out his sword and started a duel with Marcus Lucius. Their skills were balanced which made the training more interesting and demanding. They didn't talk at all. Marcus Lucius was still concerned about the upcoming decision about Julia. Nerva had his own problems. They fought and they gave each other clips with swords. They were hurt, they bled, but they ignored it
. The lads were convinced that Marcus Lucius and Nerva were fighting seriously. They had a frightening looks in their eyes and their mouths were wide open when they screamed at each other. They were rather like wild beasts attacking themselves than two soldiers. It didn't look like training at all, more like a combat dog fight. They didn't stop even though they collected further scratches. Even though much blood flew, they didn't injure themselves really seriously. For a further hour, they tried to win the challenge. Finally, they stopped in the same moment as if they had agreed without words. Apparently, they didn't have to speak to communicate perfectly. With a short nod, they thanked each other for the training.
Nerva went over to his mare and Marcus Lucius whistled silently. His horse was unsettled and snorted often, Hiberus wasn't calm. He came to Marcus Lucius. The animal got new units of stroking and with a pleased, calmed attitude he let Marcus Lucius close the door of the box. Nerva checked the state of his horse, everything was fine.
-We should take a bath. - Marcus Lucius recommended.
-Fair enough. - Nerva confirmed with a nod.
Just a moment later, they stood in tepidarium. Marcus Lucius asked the slaves whether Julia had finished her bath. He didn't want to interrupt her. The slaves confirmed politely. Then, they stepped into the room and got undressed. Nerva looked at his body and scanned it for wounds. He smudged the blood drops and moved his head puzzled.
Stepping naked into the warm, cosy water, they felt as if they came into another world. It wasn't like a tepidarium known from Pompeii, but still a warm bathroom heated by an underfloor heating system. It made them feel pleasant with constant, enjoyable radiant heat. This room wasn't full of marbles and mosaics. It seemed that it was left in a hurry finishing the whole building. However, the available functionality was the most important thing.
-You look worried. - Nerva said after he plunged completely into the water twice.
-Do I? - Marcus Lucius was a bit insecure for the very first time.
-Yes. You really do. What is bothering you, brother? - Nerva was convinced that looking at the problems of others will make it easier to manage his own worries.
-I sent a messenger to Julius Fabius. I promised him to send Julia to him as early as possible taking the current situation into account. Is it wise to send her back anyway because winter is not her favourite time of the year and it's not easy to travel now? It's almost two months of travel for her. Appius won't manage to send any further message up to her journey and I need his advice. We have to decide on our own and protect involved people as much as possible.
Nerva nodded. He didn’t have to be an expert for emotions to understand that Julia was important to Marcus Lucius. She was an extraordinary person and nobody could question this. It was a simple fact.
-You know women, Nerva. What should I do? - Marcus Lucius asked.
Nerva laughed:
-I just know the surface of their bodies. I don't go deeper at all. It's not the matter of my interest.
This time, Marcus Lucius had to laugh.
-Why did you get married anyway? - Nerva asked. - You seem to be like me. I can't imagine to get married at all. - Nerva sounded sadly, melancholic. It wasn't the very first personal question he expressed, but the most intimate one.
-I don't know. - Marcus Lucius answered. - I saw a girl one day and I knew she will be my wife.
-You planned having a family with her, or what?
-I don't know. I didn't think about further steps. I just knew I want to have her. - Marcus Lucius started to think it over. He wasn't sure whether he really wanted to have a family with Decima. He wanted to spent more time with her, therefore he accepted the relocation to Brigetio. He was old enough to start a family life. The more he thought about it the more he was convinced that he acted impulsively to annoy his mother. - It wasn't planned so well.
-And Julia? What will you do after the situation will be solved?
-I don't know. - Marcus Lucius answered shortly. He wasn't sure what the future might bring.
-What do you wish then? - Nerva didn't stop asking.
Marcus Lucius breathed deeply twice.
-I don't know. - He answered after a while.
He hid himself under the warm water surface, where no word could reach his ears, where nobody could look him into the eyes and where he could focus on the water. He didn't dare to dream about a happy future. He would be happy if he got the confirmation that Julia survived.
When he returned to her chamber later, he found her in bed. She lay as he had advised her. She should rest and she did what he had asked politely. He stopped just two meters away, staring at her. He analysed how clever and advisable it was to lie down next to her. She was sleeping and didn't get his internal struggle. He came closer to her, knelt down in front of her, but he didn't touch her. She was so fragile that he wondered how she was able to survive. However, she took his stitches with equanimity like a good soldier. She breathed freely. Her body was covered by a thick blanket.
He sighed. She opened her eyes slowly and smiled shyly. He smiled back. His head was full of heavy thoughts, but he kept his poker face. He didn't want to upset Julia, so he pretended being in good mood. She noticed that something was wrong. She opened her eyes wider and saw his new scratches.
-For Jupiter's sake, what happened? - She was scared and wanted to get up.
He didn't get the source of her fear at first, but he prevented her from standing up. As he understood her staring at his naked, injured arms, he laughed.
-Nothing, nothing. We've trained a bit. - He answered.
She was confused and hit him with her small, less harmful fist. He laughed louder.
-You hurt yourself in trainings? Are you out of mind? - She was angry and it looked pretty. - I thought you were attacked again.
She was seriously scared and it felt good. It meant that he was important to her. Nobody else reacted that way earlier. His mother took it as an open-and-shut case. Decima ignored it and never asked questions. Other soldiers kept silence about it or, in a case of serious wounds, clapped on his shoulder without leaving any comment. If you had really nice looking scars, you could crow about the way you got them. Julia wasn't open for his show offs.
-It was a needed, good training. - He added. - That's just scratches, believe me.
She wasn't convinced and she didn't like it. Because she couldn't get up due to his arm keeping her from it, she felt down on her backs and closed her eyes. She was still angry. He steadied himself on his arms and bowed over her while trying to estimate how long she would stay sulky. She didn't react. He smiled and waited a longer while in the position. He sniffed on her hair and stroke her with her nose on the forehead. If she would try to stand up in that moment, she would blunder with Marcus Lucius's body.
-You will meet the local elders. - She whispered. - Don't you bother that they can harm you?
He wondered about her sudden off-topic. She didn't look at him, so she didn't get the tension in his arms. The veins appeared on his arms and he had a wrinkle on his forehead.
-I don't think they will act against us. It's a peaceful appointment.
-You heard them talking a lot about their discontent towards the Roman army. What makes you so sure about being safe here? - She opened her eyes and saw his face just a couple centimetres over hers. She noticed a shadow of seriousness in his eyes.
-They just want to live in peace. - He answered with sad tone. - They don't want to fight at all, if it is not needed. They don't attack. They defend themselves. They would fight back Romans as men from North with the same motivation. They just want to live in peace.
-Will you fight against them?
Marcus Lucius smiled sadly. The first round of hard questions was over and now, he got into the second round. After Nerva's remarks, Julia started asking him things that weren't easy to answer.
-I will talk with them at first. Then, we'll see what choices we'll have.
He turned back from her and sat on the edge of the
bed. He kept silence. Julia got up and leant her chest to his backs. She felt his warmth and sorrows.
-You speak wise words. I hope you won't have to fight with them. - She whispered.
-Peace can't be imposed or kept with force. We have to find a common way to live next to each other. If it won't be the case, you have to go back to more secure places.
-But you will come with me, then? - She was worried and trembled frightened.
-I'll stay here and try to pour oil on trouble waters.
-So, you'll leave me. - She said so sadly that he moved his head to her. She had tears in her eyes and looked somewhere away. She wasn't angry anymore. She was deeply upset. However, she didn't move back from him.
-No, I'll send you back. - He said. - And then...
He hadn't any clue what he would do next. He didn't know in which situation he would be put and whether he would be imposed up to that time. If it would be the case, he wouldn't try to find Julia to protect her and to keep her away from any suspicious charges.
-With all due respect, you have already so many obligations in this life that it's rather improbable to meet you in this life, again, after you send me away. - Her voice sounded embittered, cold, but calm.
She moved away form him, covered her under the blanket in the way that made her look invisible. She hid even her face under the material so that nobody could see her. He wanted her to stay on his side, to back him up, but he understood her argumentation. He couldn't blame her for it. He kept sitting on the bed and analysed what he should say to bring her joy. The longer he wasn't able to find any suitable answer, the more senseless it occurred him to give any answer. Finally, he laid next to her and hugged the impersonal, woollen package.
-We'll make one step after another. - He spoke at last.
She moved away and almost fell out of the bed. He held her and smiled as he saw her face. She looked at him with a strange, absent eyes.
-Your spot is next to mine, independent whether we are faked married or not. - He said.
She nodded automatically, but without being convinced. She thought about his statement related to sending her back home and she knew that she wouldn't survive it. She didn't intend to survive it. She felt as a ballast and wanted to end it on her terms. She planned to escape and fulfil the intention she followed on the day, when Marcus Lucius was supposed to leave Eboracum. She pretended to feel good and waited for an advantageous moment for fleeing. She was convinced that Marcus Lucius would send her away after the talk with the local elders. She planned to use the moment for herself.