Gage sends a text letting me know he’ll be here in one hour. He just dropped Chloe off, and there’s a storm on that end of the island.
I don’t hesitate in texting Logan.
Can we talk? ~S
Where?
Butterfly room ~S
If I want to keep my relationship with Gage intact, I need to be as honest as I can with Logan—or at least as honest as I want to be.
***
It’s like old times, me waiting for Logan and him crawling down through the hatch coming to see me.
His hair is slicked back. A trail of woodsy cologne swims over to me long before he does.
Logan sits Indian style across from me with anguish pulsating out of him like a geyser. We sit there, taking one another in as though we were laying eyes on each other for the very first time.
He picks up my hands and I let him. He fondles my fingers, molests them with an intensity he wishes he could extend to the rest of my body. A great sadness intervenes and I hold back the urge to cry. I used to know him, thought I did anyway, and now look where we are—lost and broken, belonging to somebody else.
I don’t belong to anybody, but you. He resonates a thick sense of loss even through his smile.
I do.
Who does your heart belong to? Logan is filled with suspicion. Is it Dudley or Gage?
“Gage.” I rattle his hands off me.
“Then why were you kissing Dudley?”
This might be the last moment that I keep my dirty little secret to myself. If I tell Logan, then I’ll have to tell Gage because the last thing I want is for Logan and I to have a shared secret.
“Emerson knew something about Chloe. If I can find out what it was, I might be able to free myself from her blackmail.” My lips take a surprising U-turn. I’m a little relieved I didn’t tell him the real reason I was falling into Marshall’s mouth.
“And Dudley can help you with this?” He looks doubtful.
“Maybe.” Truth is, I hadn’t thought of it until now.
“So, that’s why you were kissing him?”
“No, Logan, Marshall was kissing me. I was trying to stop him.”
“You weren’t struggling, Skyla,” he shakes his head. “There’s something else.”
“Maybe there is. Maybe I’m sick of being such an open book to you—sick of you holding all the cards, showing me your poker hand whenever you feel like it.”
“You’re going to hurt Gage. He’s been nothing but honest with you.”
“I have no intention of hurting Gage ever.” I glare over at him.
“Did you ever have an intention of hurting me?”
“Logan!” How could he?
“I’m sorry,” he looks down, dejected. “I built this lousy boat and pushed it out to sea. I’m the reason you’re with Gage to begin with.”
“What about destiny?”
“I guess I dovetailed right into it.” He gives a hard stare at the wall. “Or, I should say, out of it.”
“Don’t be mad at yourself.” I can’t bear looking at Logan in his constant state of affliction.
A half smile slinks up his cheek and dents his face where I cut him.
“You kissed Dudley to hurt me,” his eyes widen with pleasure.
“Maybe I did.”
He takes up my hand and glides it over his cheek before kissing it. “Then I’m still in the game.”
***
Trying to get rid of Logan and his scent is like trying to scrub lighter fluid off your body with matches. He seals himself like oil, coating me from the inside like a layer of toxic sludge. I wish I’d never invited him here. He makes me miserable. It’s hard to believe he once ignited my world with passion, and now the thought of him sends me into an angry tirade. Worse, he still has the ability to elicit those familiar urges in me that I find impossible to extinguish.
Gage appears at the closet door as a horrific thought comes to me. Dear God, what if I do still have feelings for Logan? What if no matter how psychotic he turns out to be, a part of me refuses to let him go? I’ll go insane if that’s true. You can’t love someone you can’t trust—someone who wishes they could have cut your flesh for sport while pledging allegiance to the enemy. Can you?
I pat Gage over to the bed and he comes to me with his eager smile, taking off his jacket, his shoes, his jeans.
Holy crap!
“What’s gotten into you?” Usually I wouldn’t mind Gage’s hypersexual behavior but, in truth, I’m emotionally all over the place tonight and that just happens to be the one place I’m not.
“OK,” he presses in a soft kiss, darts over me with those cerulean blue sirens and dimples out a smile.
God, I love Gage.
I lean my head back and let him circle my neck with kisses. Marshall and Logan melt off my shoulders one by one.
“I’ve got an idea,” he gives a husky whisper. As a rule, Gage tends to ruin the moment with his ideas when we’re in the throes of passion. “We do whatever it takes to get dirt on Chloe, and fast.”
My eyes spring open. “Fast? Did something happen?”
“Let’s say fast is an understatement.”
“Did she touch you?”
“No, and I won’t let her, but apparently it’s not going to stop her from trying. I’ll protect you, Skyla but I’m not going as far as Chloe would like me to.”
For the first time I feel the very real danger that I’m in.
“OK, we’ll do whatever it takes.” I have a feeling it’s going take a lot more than I’m willing to give.
“We can mine Holden for everything he knows.”
“Oh, right, Holden.” My mind went straight to Marshall. I’m actually relieved it’s Holden. I’ve already killed him once, so I can’t help but feel like I’ve got the upper hand.
“You don’t have to be afraid. I’ll be there with you.”
“Thank you,” I run my fingers through his soft, fine hair.
Gage purges the problems of the world by way of his tempered kisses—the way his hands offer a light massage to my shoulders as he does it. If only we could freeze time and live in this moment forever—just Gage and me and his magical kisses. There’s no better feeling in the world than being alone with Gage.
“I love you so much,” I say.
“You do?” Dark shadows emit in place of his dimples.
“Oh, I do.” I bite down gently on his lip.
“Perfect.” His warm hands slide up my shirt.
“Perfect?” I bite down on my lip seductively.
“I’m ready to share everything with you.” Gage pulls in close with his knees on either side of me.
A tight lump gets caught in my throat. It’s the shower scene all over.
“But we’re not in a hotel room.” It speeds out me like the excuse it is. I want to have this experience with Gage, just not here, not like this. Besides, he prophesied our first time would specifically be in a hotel.
He leans in and gives one hot breath into my ear. “We will be.”
Chapter Fourteen
Nevermore
The morning fog glides by my window in strips like elongated tails from some prehistoric beast. I miss Gage with a heartfelt ache even though he left less than an hour ago. Everything in my world is hollow without him around. I find myself moving through increments of incomprehensible solitude until the very next time I see him, nothing but a grey existence. Then he comes and the universe fires back up again, colors sing their songs and I’m filled with life.
It’s so strange having to stave him off, having to convince him for once that maybe the Landon house isn’t the best place for anything too serious to happen. And, I wonder why I have to convince myself to begin with? Gage is a god. I should be kneeling at his altar just waiting for his command to have me.
I open the casement window and take in the scent of fresh dewy earth. The raw oils of the eucalyptus trees bleed its sweet bouquet. A dark shadow flies from branch to branch.
“Ne
vermore!” I shout with bubbling laughter.
My bird. I have him back.
He swoops over.
I crank out the window until he crouches inside.
“You’re better,” I muse, stroking the back of his head. “Nasty Chloe will never get you again.” I stop just short of promising. Apparently, I have no real control where Chloe is concerned.
“Chloe,” he croaks.
I make a face. I don’t really care for him saying her name.
I lay my hand flat on his back—immobilize his wings from trying to part as he twitches from side to side.
Skyla.
My hand retracts.
“Did you say my name?” A startled gasp emits from my throat. “I think I heard you.” I place my hand gently on his side. “Oh, my God, I can hear your thoughts.”
I don’t have many thoughts, Skyla. You might be disappointed.
“Tell me about yourself. Gage said you’re a bound spirit. What happened?”
I was received by Hal Bishop when he was a youth. For a time, I was his daughter’s keeper, transferred to Gage Oliver and now I belong to you.
“So, are you a Nephilim? You’re not a Count are you?” The idea doesn’t even mildly amuse me.
I was born into the Countenance. I’ve been disgraced and removed from the faction.
“Countenance,” I say horrified. “So how’d you end up a bird?” Seems like a rather drastic demotion.
Justice alliance.
There’s a harsh knock on my door, and the knob rattles. It’s Mom shouting for me to come downstairs.
“I gotta go. Can we talk again?”
I have nothing but time.
***
“What?” I storm into the kitchen to find Mom pulling out the jelly and bread from the fridge.
“The clinic called and they bumped up your appointment for tomorrow morning. I just got off the phone with Emma and told her we’d swing by and pick up Gage in a couple of hours.”
“Wait, that super fertility clinic in Seattle?”
“Yes!” Her eyes spark like brilliant emeralds as though I was five and we were going to Disneyland. “Oh, Honey, it’s the best state of the art facility. And wait until you meet my doctor! He’s so nice and super gorgeous. He reminds me a lot of Mr. Dudley.”
“No way, uh-uh. I’m not having any super gorgeous man examine me for babies,” only it sounds more like rabies when I say it.
She clunks the jelly down onto the counter.
“You, Skyla, should have thought about that before you decided to make a very grownup decision and slept with Gage.” Her hands fly past me as she unscrews the enormous jar of baby vitamins, shoving one in my hand.
I roll my eyes at how ludicrous this all is. My mouth flies open in protest then I shut it again. Why not let her super fantastic fertility clinic tell her she’s wrong? Maybe the next time she and Tad doubt me, they’ll remember all the money they forked over the last time they decided not to believe.
I grab a glass of water and reluctantly swallow the giant horse pill.
“So, tell me more about this trip,” I pull out a knife and help her assemble a plethora of sandwiches.
“Well, I thought we could make a little getaway out of it. You know, eat dinner at the Space Needle,” she twists her lips. “And I have my eye on this hotel overlooking the water. It’s going to be very romantic.”
“Um, that’s nice.” I think. Why does it feel completely wrong to have your mother hooking you up with a romantic getaway? Well, she’ll be there, so obviously there won’t be anything really romantic happening under her watchful supervision.
“So, you guys heading outta town?” Drake walks in with his evil twin Holden.
“Yup. Just Gage, me, and the ‘rents. Aren’t I lucky?” I whisper as I pick up the mail he just spilled all over the counter.
An envelope addressed to Mia Landon.
“What’s this?” I ask, picking up the letter to my sister sans the correct last name.
Mom snaps it up and howls for Mia to come downstairs.
“It’s official!” She shouts running her pinky through the back of the envelope. “We’ve got another Landon in the house!”
“What?” I know Mia talked about changing her last name, but…
“While you were gone, Mia and I went down to the courthouse, and today,” she rattles the paper in her hand, “your sister has a new name.”
“It’s here!” Mia and Melissa happy dance while Mom flaunts the letter as though it were a banner.
I’m not sure why I can’t find it in my heart to be happy for Mia. I know she’s wanted it and I understand why, but my father resonates in the back of my mind like a soft bell that only knows one note. I can’t let him go. I don’t think I ever will.
“Mom?” I ask as Mia and Melissa take their woo-hooing upstairs.
“Yes!” She’s so jubilant now she’s like the human version of a helium balloon.
“If there were a way to see Dad again, would you want to, you know, see him?” Her eyes sharpen over at me as though I had asked something profoundly embarrassing.
“Oh, of course, Skyla, don’t be ridiculous. That you even have to ask is an insult.” She wipes her hands down with a towel.
Tad calls for her.
“I’ll be right back,” she speeds out of the room.
Holden comes over, and stands beside me until our shoulders touch.
“Going to use some of that Celestra voodoo to make that visit to Daddy happen?” he whispers.
I look up at Drake, losing himself in some lingerie catalog that came for Mom.
“Yes, I am,” I say, picking up the knife off the counter just to be safe.
“Good, because I wouldn’t want you to get rusty,” he gives a crooked grin. “I’ve got a few pit stops I need to make myself.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve sort of met my quota on illegal light drives with Ellis.”
“Nothing illegal, just want to see my sister.”
I snap my head in his direction.
For once, Holden Kragger has a brilliant idea.
Chapter Fifteen
Get Away
We arrive at the Oliver’s house with a car full of overnight bags for our first dysfunctional family outing.
“Come in!” Emma hugs my mother as though they never exchanged barbs the other night. “He just brought his things down.” She points to a duffle bag by the door.
Gage swoops in and takes me by the hand. We head into the kitchen where Logan is funneling chocolate syrup into a near empty gallon of milk. He gives a weak half smile before replacing the lid and shaking the container until it’s foaming with bubbles.
“So, Holden wants to light drive and see Emerson,” I say. It feels like the only conversation possible that can take place between the three of us.
“I won’t let you go alone.” Logan stops shy of putting the milk to his lips.
“You won’t let me?” I snipe.
My stomach does a hard roll. What is this? How can I possibly be getting sick every single morning when I haven’t even had a complete sexual fantasy? It’s like my mother put some sort of spell on me, and now I’m being tormented with morning sickness.
“I mean I don’t want you to,” his expression softens. “You’re insane if you do.” Logan gives a despairing look.
“Well, I’m going,” I say it mostly to piss him off.
“You’re not thinking clearly.” Logan gags on his words. “First Dudley, now Holden?”
I gasp.
He so, did not just go there. I thought I made it clear to him Marshall was an off limit topic around Gage. But obviously I—
An explosion of heat rips through my insides, and my stomach lurches. I barely have enough time to turn as I vomit into the sink.
“Oh, Honey!” My mother trots over in hysterics. “She’s been so sick—throwing up every day.”
“I’m OK!” I rinse off my face and clean the sink. Shit! Not exactly something you want
to do in front of your boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, and all parents involved. Obviously, I’m on the friends and family vomit plan. Holy freaking shit. What in the hell is going on?
I pluck a dozen paper towels off the rack and turn to a crowd of overly concerned faces.
“You know what they say,” Mom starts, “a sick mommy means a healthy baby!”
I close my eyes in defeat.
“So, where are they going to live once the baby is born?” Tad eyes the kitchen as though he were marveling at their riches.
“Oh, I don’t think they need to move in together.” Mom actually sounds embarrassed, for once, by her moronic other half.
“Sure they do,” he continues, “Gage is going to want to see the baby when it’s screaming at three A.M. to give it a bottle.”
“Skyla is breastfeeding,” Mom interjects.
Shoot me now.
Heat rushes to my face as I catch Logan cast a lewd smile in my direction as if he were the baby in question.
“And I’m sure he’s going to be interested in what it feels like changing up to twenty diapers a day,” Tad continues his idiotic spiel. “All things we have to look forward to,” he looks to Mom, accusingly.
“Don’t forget two A.M., four A.M., and five A.M. feedings. If the baby is anything like Gage, it will never sleep,” Emma chortles into her fingers.
I look over to Gage. Is she for real?
“I’m sure it’ll all work out,” Gage offers.
Great. Saying those words in front of Tad is like stepping on a landmine.
“Oh, so you think it’ll be business as usual?” Tad balks. “You think having a baby and a wife, at seventeen, is a walk in the park? Well, aren’t you in for a rude awakening.”
Mom openly glares over at him. “The good thing is they are very much in love. And they’ll have each other, as well as, a supportive family to lean on when things get tough. You can’t always press into the negative.”