Read Vice Versa; or, A Lesson to Fathers Page 15


  14. _An Error of Judgment_

  "The Survivorship of a worthy Man in his Son is a Pleasure scarce inferior to the Hopes of the Continuance of his own Life." _Spectator._

  "Du bist ein Knabe--sei es immerhin Und fahre fort, den Froehlichen zu spielen." SCHILLER, _Don Carlos_.

  Paul was the first to break a very awkward silence. "You youngscoundrel!" he said, with suppressed rage. "What the devil do you meanby laughing like that? It's no laughing matter, let me tell you, sir,for one of us!"

  "I can't help laughing," said Dick; "you do look so queer!"

  "Queer! I may well look queer. I tell you that I have never, never in mywhole life, spent such a perfectly infernal week as this last!"

  "Ah!" observed Dick, "I thought you wouldn't find it _all_ jam! And yetyou seemed to be enjoying yourself, too," he said with a grin, "fromthat letter you wrote."

  "What made you come here? Couldn't you be content with your miserablevictory, without coming down to crow and jeer at me?"

  "It isn't that," said Dick. "I--I thought I should like to see thefellows, and find out how you were getting on, you know." These,however, were not his only and his principal motives. He had come downto get a sight of Dulcie.

  "Well, sir," said Mr. Bultitude, with ponderous sarcasm, "you'll bedelighted to hear that I'm getting on uncommonly well--oh, uncommonly!Your high-spirited young friends batter me to sleep with slippers onmost nights, and, as a general thing, kick me about during the day likea confounded football! And last night, sir, I was going to be expelled;and this morning I'm forgiven, and sentenced to be soundly floggedbefore the whole school! It was just about to take place as you came in;and I've every reason to believe it is merely postponed!"

  "I say, though," said Dick, "you must have been going it rather, youknow. I've never been expelled. Has Chawner been sneaking again? Whathave you been up to?"

  "Nothing. I solemnly swear--nothing! They're finding out things you'vedone, and thrashing _me_."

  "Well," said Dick soothingly, "you'll work them all off during the term,I daresay. There aren't many really bad ones. I suppose he's seen myname cut on his writing-table?"

  "No; not that I'm aware of," said Paul.

  "Oh, he'd let you hear of it if he had!" said Dick. "It's good for aswishing, that is. But, after all, what's a swishing? I never cared fora swishing."

  "But I do care, sir. I care very much, and, I tell you, I won't standit. I can't! Dick," he said abruptly as a sudden hope seized him. "You,you haven't come down here to say you're tired of your folly, have you?Do you want to give it up?"

  "Rather not," said Dick. "Why should I? No school, no lessons, nothingto do but amuse myself, eat and drink what I like, and lots of money.It's not likely, you know."

  "Have you ever thought that you're bringing yourself within reach of thelaw, sir?" said Paul, trying to frighten him. "Perhaps you don't knowthat there's an offence known as 'false personation with intent todefraud,' and that it's a felony. That's what you're doing at thismoment, sir!"

  "Not any more than you are!" retorted Dick. "I never began it. I had asmuch right to wish to be you as you had to wish to be me. You're justwhat you said you wanted to be, so you can't complain."

  "It's useless to argue with you, I see," said Paul. "And you've nofeelings. But I'll warn you of one thing. Whether that is my body or notyou've fraudulently taken possession of, I don't know; if it is not, itis very like mine, and I tell you this about it. The sort of life you'releading it, sir, will very soon make an end of you, if you don't takecare. Do you think that a constitution at my age can stand sweet winesand pastry, and late hours? Why, you'll be laid up with gout in anotherday or two. Don't tell me, sir. I know you're suffering from indigestionat this very minute. I can see your liver (it may be _my_ liver foranything I know) is out of order. I can see it in your eyes."

  Dick was a little alarmed at this, but he soon said: "Well, and if I amseedy, I can get Barbara to take the stone and wish me all right again,can't I? That's easy enough, I suppose."

  "Oh, easy enough!" said Paul, with a suppressed groan. "But, Dick, youdon't go up to Mincing Lane in that suit and that hat? Don't tell me youdo that!"

  "When I do go up, I wear them," said Dick composedly. "Why not? It's aroomy suit, and I hate a great topper on my head; I've had enough ofthat here on Sundays. But it's slow up at your office. The chaps therearen't half up to any larks. I made a first-rate booby-trap, though, oneday for an old yellow buffer who came in to see you. He _was_ in a baitwhen he found the waste-paper basket on his head!"

  "What was his name?" said Paul, with forced calm.

  "Something like 'Shells.' He said he was a very old friend of mine, andI told him he lied."

  "Shellack--my Canton correspondent--a man I was anxious to be of useto when he came over!" moaned Mr. Bultitude. "Miserable young cub, youdon't know what mischief you've done!"

  "Well, it won't matter much to you now," said Dick; "you're out of itall."

  "Do you--do you mean to keep me out of it for ever, then?" asked Paul.

  "As long as ever I can!" returned Dick frankly. "It will be ratherinteresting to see what sort of a fellow you'll grow into--if you everdo grow. Perhaps you will always be like that, you know. This magic is arum thing to meddle with."

  This suggestion almost maddened Paul. He made one stride forward, andfaced his son with blazing eyes. "Do you think I will put up with it?"he said, between his teeth. "Do you suppose I shall stand calmly by andsee you degrading and ruining me? I may never be my old self again, butI don't mean to play into your hands for all that. You can't always keepme here, and wherever I go I'll tell my tale. I know you, you clumsyrogue, you haven't the sense to play your part with common intelligencenow. You would betray yourself directly I challenged you to deny mystory.... You know you would.... You couldn't face me for five minutes.By Gad! I'll do it now. I'll expose you before the Doctor--before thewhole school. You shall see if you can dispose of me quite so easily asyou imagine!"

  Dick had started back at first in unmistakable alarm at this unexpecteddefiance, probably feeling his self-possession unequal to such a test;but, when Paul had finished, he said doggedly: "Well, you can do it ifyou choose, I suppose. I can't stop you. But I don't see what good itwould do."

  "It would show people you were an impudent impostor, sir," said Paulsternly, going to the door as if to call the Doctor, though he shranksecretly from so extreme and dangerous a measure.

  There was a hesitation in his manner, in spite of the firmness of hiswords, which Dick was not likely to miss. "Stop!" he said. "Before youcall them in, just listen to me for a minute. Do you see this?" And,opening his coat, he pulled out from his waistcoat pocket one end of hiswatch-chain. Hanging to it, attached by a cheap gilt fastening of somesort, was a small grey tablet. Paul knew it at once--it was the GarudaStone. "You know it, I see," said Dick, as Paul was about to movetowards him--with what object he scarcely knew himself. "Don't troubleto come any closer. Well, I give you fair warning. You can make thingsvery nasty for me if you like. I can't help that--but, if you do--if youtry to score off me in any way, now or at any time--if you don't keep itup when the Doctor comes in--I tell you what I shall do. I shall gostraight home and find young Roly. I shall give him this stone, and justtell him to say some wish after me. I don't believe there are manythings it can't do, and all I can say is--if you find yourself and allthis jolly old school (except Dulcie) taken off somewhere and stuck downall at once thousands of miles away on a desolate island, or seeyourself turned into a Red Indian, or, or a cabhorse, you'll haveyourself to thank for it--that's all. Now you can have them all up andfire away."

  "No," said Paul, in a broken voice, for, wild as the threat was, hecould not afford to despise it after his experiences of the stone'spower, "I--I was joking, Dick; at least I didn't mean it. I know ofcourse I'm helpless. It's a sad thing for a father to say, but you'vegot the be
st of it.... I give in ... I won't interfere with you. There'sonly one thing I ask. You won't try any more experiments with thatmiserable stone.... You'll promise me that, at least?"

  "Yes," said Dick: "it's all right. I'll play fair. As long as you behaveyourself and back me up I won't touch it. I only want to stay as I am. Idon't want to hurt you."

  "You won't lose it?" said Paul anxiously. "Couldn't you lock it up? thatfastening doesn't look very safe."

  "It will do well enough," said Dick. "I got it done at the watchmaker'sround the corner, for sixpence. But I'll have a stronger ring put insomewhere, if I think of it."

  There was a pause, in which the conversation seemed about to flaghopelessly, but at last Dick said, almost as if he felt some compunctionfor his present unfilial attitude: "Now, you know, it's much better totake things quietly. It can't be altered now, can it? And it's not suchbad fun being a boy after all--for some things. You'll get into itby-and-by, you see if you don't, and be as jolly as a sandboy. We shallget along all right together, too. I shan't be hard on you. It isn't myfault that you happen to be at this particular school--you chose it! Andafter this term you can go to any other school you like--Eton or Rugby,or anywhere. I don't mind the expense. Of, if you'd rather, you can havea private tutor. And I'll buy you a pony, and you can ride in the Row.You shall have a much better time of it than I ever had, as long as youlet me go on my own way."

  But these dazzling bribes had no influence upon Mr. Bultitude; nothingshort of complete restitution would ever satisfy him, and he was tooproud and too angry at his crushing defeat to even pretend to be in theleast pacified.

  "I don't want your pony," he said bitterly; "I might as well have awhite elephant, and I don't suppose I should enjoy myself much more at apublic school than I do here. Let's have no humbug, sir. You're up andI'm down--there's no more to be said--I shall tell the Doctor nothing,but I warn you, if ever the time comes----"

  "Oh, of course," said Dick, feeling tolerably secure, now he haddisposed of the main difficulty. "If you can turn me out, I suppose youwill--that's only fair. I shall take care not to give you the chance.And, oh, I say, do you want any tin? How much have you got left?"

  Paul turned away his head, lest Dick should see the sudden exultation heknew it must betray, as he said, with an effort to appear unconcerned,"I came away with exactly five shillings, and I haven't a penny now!"

  "I say," said Dick, "you are a fellow; you must have been going it. Howdid you get rid of it all in a week?"

  "It went, as far as I can understand," said Mr. Bultitude, "in rabbitsand mice. Some boys claimed it as money they paid you to get them, Ibelieve."

  "All your own fault," said Dick, "you would have them drowned. But you'dbetter have some tin to get along with. How much do you want? Willhalf-a-crown do?"

  "Half-a-crown is not much, Dick," said his father, almost humbly.

  "It's--ahem--a handsome allowance for a young fellow like you," saidDick, rather unkindly; "but I haven't any half-crowns left. I must giveyou this, I suppose."

  And he held out a sovereign, never dreaming what it signified to Paul,who clutched it with feelings too great for words, though gratitude wasnot a part of them, for was it not his own money?

  "And now look out," said Dick, "I hear Grim. Remember what I told you;keep it up."

  Dr. Grimstone came in with the air of a man who has a painful duty toperform; he started slightly as his eye noted the change in hisvisitor's dress and appearance. "I hope," he began gravely, "that yourson has spared me the pain of going into the details of hismisbehaviour; I wish I could give you a better report of him."

  Dick was plainly, in spite of his altered circumstances, by no means atease in the schoolmaster's presence; he stood, shifting from foot tofoot on the hearth-rug, turning extremely red and obstinately decliningto raise his eyes from the ground.

  "Oh, ah," he stammered at last, "you were just going to swish him,weren't you, when I turned up, sir?"

  "I found myself forced," said the Doctor, slightly shocked at thiscoarse way of putting things, "forced to contemplate administering tohim (for his ultimate benefit) a sharp corrective in the presence of hisschoolfellows. I distress you, I see, but the truth must be told. He hasno doubt confessed his fault to you?"

  "No," said Dick, "he hasn't though. What's he been up to now?"

  "I had hoped he would have been more open, more straightforward, whenconfronted with the father who has proved himself so often indulgent andanxious for his improvement; it would have been a more favourablesymptom, I think. Well, I must tell you myself. I know too well what ashock it will be to your scrupulously sensitive moral code, my dear Mr.Bultitude" (Dick showed a painful inclination to giggle here); "but Ihave to break to you the melancholy truth that I detected this unhappyboy in the act of conducting a secret and amorous correspondence with ayoung lady in a sacred edifice!"

  Dick whistled sharply: "Oh, I say!" he cried, "that's bad" (and hewagged his head reprovingly at his disgusted father, who longed todenounce his hypocrisy, but dared not); "that's bad ... he shouldn't dothat sort of thing you know, should he? At his age too ... the youngdog!"

  "This horror is what I should have expected from you," said the Doctor(though he was in truth more than scandalised by the composure withwhich his announcement was received). "Such boldness is indeedcharacteristic of the dog, an animal which, as you are aware, was withthe ancients a synonym for shamelessness. No boy, however abandoned,should hear such words of unequivocal condemnation from a father's lipswithout a pang of shame!"

  Paul was only just able to control his rage by a great effort.

  "You're right there, sir," said Dick; "he ought to be well ragged for it... he'll break my heart, if he goes on like this, the young beggar. Butwe mustn't be too hard on him, eh? After all, it's nature, you know,isn't it?"

  "I beg your pardon?" said Dr. Grimstone very stiffly.

  "I mean," explained Dick, with a perilous approach to digging the otherin the ribs, "we did much the same sort of thing in our time, eh? I'msure I did--lots of times!"

  "I can't reproach myself on that head, Mr. Bultitude; and permit me tosay, that such a tone of treating the affair is apt to destroy theeffect, the excellent moral effect, of your most impressively conveyedindignation just now. I merely give you a hint, you understand!"

  "Oh, ah," said Dick, feeling that he had made a mistake, "yes, I didn'tmean that. But I say, you haven't given him a--a whopping yet, haveyou?"

  "I had just stepped out to procure a cane for that purpose," said theDoctor, "when your name was announced."

  "Well, look here, you won't want to start again when I'm gone, willyou?"

  "An ancient philosopher, my dear sir, was accustomed to postpone thecorrection of his slaves until the first glow of his indignation hadpassed away. He found that he could----"

  "Lay it on with more science," suggested Dick, while Paul writhed wherehe stood. "Perhaps so, but you might forgive him now, don't you think?he won't do it again. If he goes writing any more love-letters, tell me,and I'll come and talk to him; but he's had a lesson, you know. Let himoff this time."

  "I have no right to resist such an entreaty," said the Doctor, "though Imay be inclined myself to think that a few strokes would render thelesson more permanent. I must ask you to reconsider your plea for hispardon."

  Paul heard this with indescribable anxiety; he had begun to feeltolerably sure that his evil hour was postponed _sine die_, but mightnot Dick be cruel and selfish enough to remain neutral, or even sidewith the enemy, in support of his assumed character?

  Luckily he was not. "I'd rather let him off," he said awkwardly; "Idon't approve of caning fellows myself. It never did me any good, Iknow, and I got enough of it to tell."

  "Well, well, I yield. Richard, your father has interceded for you; and Icannot disregard his wishes, though I have my own view in the matter.You will hear no more of this disgraceful conduct, sir, unless you dosomething to recall it to my memory. Thank your father for his kindn
ess,which you so little deserved, and take your leave of him."

  "Oh, there, it's all right!" said Dick; "he'll behave himself afterthis, I know. And oh! I say, sir," he added hastily, "is--is Dulcieanywhere about?"

  "My daughter?" asked the Doctor. "Would you like to see her?"

  "I shouldn't mind," said Dick, blushing furiously.

  "I'm sorry to say she has gone out for a walk with her mother," said theDoctor. "I'm afraid she cannot be back for some time. It's unfortunate."

  Dick's face fell. "It doesn't matter," he muttered awkwardly. "She'sall right, I hope?"

  "She is very seldom ailing, I'm happy to say; just now she isparticularly well, thank you."

  "Oh, is she?" said Dick gloomily, probably disappointed to find that hewas so little missed, and not suspecting that his father had beenaccepted as a substitute.

  "Well, do you mind--could I see the fellows again for a minute or two--Imean I should rather like to inspect the school, you know."

  "See my boys? Certainly, my dear sir, by all means; this way," and hetook Dick out to the schoolroom--Paul following out of curiosity."You'll find us at our studies, you see," said the Doctor, as he openedthe first baize door. There was a suspicious hubbub and hum of voicesfrom within; but as they entered every boy was bent over his books withthe rapt absorption of the devoted student--an absorption that was thedirect effect of the sound the door-handle made in turning.

  "Our workshop," said the Doctor airily, looking round. "My first form,Mr. Bultitude. Some good workers here, and some idle ones."

  Dick stood in the doorway, looking (if the truth must be told)uncommonly foolish. He had wanted, in coming there, to enjoy thecontrast between the past and present--which accounts for a good manyvisits of "old boys" to the scene of their education. But, confrontedwith his former schoolfellows, he was seized at first with an utterlyunreasonable fear of detection.

  The class behaved as classes usually do on such occasions. The good boyssmirked and the bad ones stared--the general expression being one ofuneasy curiosity. Dick said never a word, feeling strangely bashful andnervous.

  "This is Tipping, my head boy," touching that young gentleman on theshoulder, and making him several degrees more uncomfortable. "I expectsolid results from Tipping some day."

  "He looks as if his head was pretty solid," said Dick, who had once cuthis knuckles against it.

  "My second boy, Biddlecomb. If he applies himself, he too will do mecredit in the world."

  "How do, Biddlecomb?" said Dick. "I owe you ninepence--I mean--oh hangit, here's a shilling for you! Hallo, Chawner!" he went on, graduallyovercoming his first nervousness, "how are you getting on, eh? Doingmuch in the sneaking way lately?"

  "You know him!" exclaimed the Doctor with naive surprise.

  "No, no; I don't know him. I've heard of him, you know--heard of him!"Chawner looked down his nose with a feeble attempt at a gratifiedsimper, while his neighbours giggled with furtive relish.

  "Well," said Dick at last, after a long look at all the old familiarobjects, "I must be off, you know. Got some important business at homethis evening to look after. The fellows look very jolly and contented,and all that sort of thing. Enough to make one want to be a boy againalmost, eh? Good-bye, you chaps--ahem, young gentlemen, I wish you goodmorning!"

  And he went out, leaving behind him the impression that "youngBultitude's governor wasn't half such a bad old buffer."

  He paused at the open front door, to which Paul and the Doctor hadaccompanied him. "Good-bye," he said; "I wish I'd seen Dulcie. I shouldlike to see your daughter, sir; but it can't be helped. Good-bye; andyou," he added in a lower tone to his father, who was standing by,inexpressibly pained and disgusted by his utter want of dignity, "youmind what I told you. Don't try any games with me!"

  And, as he skipped jauntily down the steps to the gateway, the Doctorfollowed his unwieldy, oddly-dressed form with his eyes, and, inclininghis head gravely to Dick's sweeping wave of the hand, asked with acompassionate tone in his voice. "You don't happen to know, Richard, myboy, if your father has had any business troubles lately--anything todisturb him?"

  And Mr. Bultitude's feelings prevented him from making any intelligiblereply.