I went to the dojo almost every night and pounded on a Wavemaster until my shins were purple and my fists ached. That’s what I was doing on Thursday when the self-defense class came in.
“Wow,” Zoe said. “You’re good.”
I shrugged, sweat dripping down my back. “I’ve been doing it for a while.”
“Have you ever beat up a guy?” another girl asked.
I didn’t hesitate before answering because Detective Davies was watching. “Only in competition or class.”
The girl looked disappointed. Part of me wanted to blurt out that I was the goddamn Vigilante and that what they’d seen was only a taste of what I could do, but getting arrested wasn’t part of my plan. Detective Davies was already looking at me like she suspected something. She cornered me after class.
“Hadley, do you know anything about this vigilante?” she asked when we were alone. She was direct and to the point, I’d give her that.
“Should I?” I countered. “I know she’s getting justice for Magda.”
“She’s going to get in a lot of trouble, is what she’s going to get,” the older woman countered.
I stared at her. “So? Maybe she thinks it’s worth it.”
Her expression softened. “Those boys aren’t worth an eighth of the trouble she’s going to get into if she’s caught.”
“If she’s caught.” I looked her right in the eye, daring her to accuse me, or something.
Detective Davies hesitated. “Do you think Magda would want this violence being done in her name?”
“Magda’s dead,” I shot back. “Because four guys raped her and got away with it. What she wanted hasn’t mattered at all, so why start now?”
She looked like I’d just sucker punched her. “If it’s you, please stop. I can’t protect you.”
“It’s not me, and I don’t expect you to. I know you tried to help Magda, but the only people the cops have protected are the guys who raped my friend. Even if you could protect me, I wouldn’t want it. I gotta go.”
I left her standing there and walked away, terrified she’d arrest me before I made it to the door. She didn’t. I was almost disappointed.
* * *
Friday night was the Homecoming dance. I wasn’t going to go, but Zoe, Caitlin and Anna gave me a hard time over it. I texted Gabe and asked if he wanted to come with me. He answered a few minutes later.
Who are you and what have you done with Hadley?
Funny, I typed.
Sure. Pick you up at eight. And that was it, I had a date. I bought tickets during lunch. I couldn’t help but wonder what Magda would say about her brother taking me to a dance. She probably would have laughed. I liked to think that wherever she was, she was at least smiling.
Gabe did pick me up at eight. He was wearing a white shirt and black pants. His hair hung in effortless waves that I envied. I wore a vintage black minidress that had belonged to my grandmother in the sixties. It was cute, and I dressed it up with some sparkly jewelry and heels.
Gabe smiled at me. “You look amazing.”
I think I blushed. “Thanks.”
He opened the car door for me and I climbed inside. When he got in, he didn’t immediately start the engine. Instead, he leaned across the console and kissed me, bringing every nerve in my body screaming to attention.
“I’ve had to wait too long to do that,” he said.
“You could always do it again,” I suggested. “To make up for lost time.”
He smiled and kissed me again.
We arrived at the school at twenty past eight. The dance had already started, though the “court” wouldn’t be announced until nine. School dances didn’t run very late, and usually there was a party planned for afterward. Jason Bentley’s father had rented a place for that night. He was that certain his son was going to be king. Actually, he’d probably guaranteed his son would be king by offering us a place to party. Gabe and I hadn’t talked about whether or not we were going to go.
The gym was decorated in the school colors, with streamers and balloons and other tacky favors. Really, it looked like something better suited to an eighties movie, but no one but me seemed to care, so I kept my mouth shut. We found Zoe and the others a few minutes after walking in. Music blared so loud I could feel the bass throbbing through the floor, and beams of light cut through the relative darkness.
“It’s like a bad rave,” Gabe shouted.
I laughed.
Zoe’s date turned out to be a guy who had gone to school with Gabe. His name was Alex, and he was tall, blond and cute. Caitlin was there with Rick, a guy from our grade, and Anna was on her own. I didn’t even know if there was a guy—or girl—she liked at our school. I didn’t know much about her at all. I was too caught up in my own crap.
Drew, Adam, Brody and Jason were across the gym from us, thank God. Gabe spotted them almost immediately. I think he’d made a point of seeking them out.
I intertwined my fingers with his. He squeezed my hand. I had a pretty good idea of how he felt looking at them. The two of us could probably take the four of them, but we were no match for their friends, as well.
“Do you want to go?” I asked, raising my voice just enough to be heard over the music as I leaned close to him.
He shook his head and turned to look at me. “No. We came here to have fun. Mags would want us to do that.”
I smiled. He was right. Before the rape, Magda had been fun and full of joy. I’ve never met anyone who thought life was as fabulous as she had. Everything had been an adventure. Things that I was afraid to do were nothing more than a chance to try something new to her. She had made me more brave than I ever thought I could be. I went on my first roller coaster with her. Did my first zip line with her. I’d even contemplated going on that thing at the amusement park that threw you into the air like a slingshot, but had been saved by the fact that it cost twenty bucks.
Magda made me want to be brave, and now I was running around like Batman, beating up sexual predators. What would she think of that? Was Detective Davies right that Magda wouldn’t want me to do it? Or would she back me up and tell me what a good thing I was doing?
Or would she ask me why me and my fists of fury hadn’t been there when she needed them?
We danced. Mostly it was just the girls, but the guys joined occasionally. When the time to announce the king and queen arrived, and the stage lights came on, I felt good. Happy, even.
The principal stood in front of a microphone, smiling condescendingly at the crowd. The vice principal stood just behind her with crowns and banners in hand. “It’s time to announce this year’s Royal Court. Our first runner-up and prince is...” She glanced down at the page in her hand. “Adam Weeks!”
Cheers and applause echoed through the gym. Gabe and I stayed silent.
As Adam climbed the stairs to the stage, smiling that stupid smug smile of his, the principal went on, “This year’s Homecoming King is Jason Bentley!”
More applause. More cheers. Jason look surprised as he climbed the steps and received his crown from the vice principal. I didn’t blame him—I hadn’t thought he’d win after what I’d done to him. Didn’t it mean anything? Didn’t anyone care?
My happiness took a nosedive.
“And now for the ladies. This year’s princess is Ashley Swanson!”
I didn’t know Ashley well, but she seemed nice enough. Her family was rich, so she had perfect teeth and perfect hair. Her dress was probably designer, as well as her shoes. A year ago, I would’ve been so jealous of her. I would’ve wanted to be her. Now, I could only stand there and feel sorry for her because Adam was looking at her like it was his birthday and she was his present.
“And now for our queen.” The principal smiled. “This year’s Homecoming Queen is...Magda Torres?”
; I felt like someone yanked the floor out from underneath me. I think I might’ve even stumbled. Gabriel’s hand tightened around mine. Confused laughter and bewildered voices rose up around us. I felt a hand on my arm. It was Zoe.
“Oh my God,” she said. “Hadley, Gabriel, are...are you guys okay?”
I couldn’t answer her. I couldn’t even open my mouth let alone find my voice. On the stage the principal scowled. “What is this?”
My gaze fell on Jason first. His face was red, and Adam was laughing at him. Then, I turned my attention to Drew and Brody. Brody looked confused, but Drew grinned like he’d done something to be proud of, and he looked right at Gabe while he did it. I knew then that he was responsible for this. That this was his idea of a joke.
“She can’t be the queen,” he shouted at the principal. “She’s dead!”
Dark red crept up the principal’s neck and cheeks. She looked like she was about to explode. “I don’t know who’s responsible for this,” she said into the microphone, “but when I find out, you can expect disciplinary action.”
I watched as Drew shook his head and laughed. He wasn’t worried. His father was a powerful man. If he could make rape charges go away, he could keep his kid in school.
“As of this moment, Homecoming is canceled.” Groans and shouts from the crowd didn’t faze the principal. “There is no Royal Court, and the dance is now over. Go home.”
For a moment I thought there was going to be a riot, but then the lights came on and everyone looked around at each other, blinking and confused.
Zoe stood in front of me, a worried look on her face. “Are you okay?” she asked again.
“I...I don’t know,” I answered honestly. My brain had been shut off. I felt cold and empty. Shock, that’s what it was.
That’s when I noticed that Gabriel no longer had hold of my hand. In fact he wasn’t beside me, either. Shock immediately gave way to panic. I whipped my head around. I didn’t have to look for him—I knew where he had gone. He was too far away for me to stop.
Drew and Jason were arguing. Drew had his back to the rest of the gym, but I could see him shove his finger into Jason’s chest. Jason looked pissed. Gabe came up behind Drew and tapped him on the shoulder. When Drew turned around, Gabe punched him in the face. He fell to the floor, his head bouncing off the polished wood. Adam made a move toward Gabe, but apparently changed his mind. No one else did anything. Not even the principal. They let Gabe turn around and walk away. Then Adam dropped to his knees beside Drew.
“Call you later,” I said to Zoe before going after Gabe. Instead of coming back to me, he’d walked out. I knew he needed time to cool down, but I wasn’t leaving him alone in case some friend—or six—of Drew’s decided they wanted a little payback after all.
I found him outside, around the back of the school where he and his friends had hung out when he was a senior. He was sitting on the grass, his back against the building as he rubbed his hand.
I didn’t speak. I just sat beside him and took his right hand in my left, gently rubbing my thumb over his knuckles.
What Drew Carson had done was beyond cruel. How could anyone be so mean? He hadn’t done it to get at Gabe, because there was no way he could’ve known Gabe was going to be there, and he had to have put this in motion days ago.
No, Drew had done this because he thought it would be funny. He wanted to make a joke at Jason, who was supposed to be his friend. He wanted to make fun of Magda—because he hadn’t hurt her enough, apparently. He was a fucking psycho.
I leaned into Gabe’s shoulder. A few seconds later I felt his head rest on mine. I lifted his hand and kissed the back of it. “He’s going to pay for this,” I whispered. “I promise you, I’m going to make him sorry.”
* * *
I expected Drew’s father to send the cops after Gabe, but he didn’t—or at least he hadn’t done it by the time Monday rolled around.
Martin Carson had done a fabulous job of keeping his son’s name out of the press—and of protecting the other boys, as well. It had been Madga’s name dragged through the mud. She’d been the one called a slut and a whore. Once, the mother of a classmate walked right up to her and told her she ought to be ashamed of herself. The only thing that had stopped me from breaking the woman’s nose had been Magda. She didn’t want trouble.
Drew’s cruel prank at the dance only made me want vengeance even more. What I honestly wanted was to beat him to death with a brick, starting at his feet so I could drag it out. Magda wouldn’t approve, but she wasn’t there. If she was alive, I wouldn’t feel this way. Would I?
How had he managed to pull it off? People had to have helped him. The thought of someone on the voting committee actually helping him make a joke of Magda made my gut churn, sour and hot. You don’t realize how mean humans could be until that meanness was directed at someone you loved.
A few months ago, I did a Google search for Magda. A lot of photos of her came up, including that awful one I had on my phone. There were articles about her suicide and “alleged” assault, and screenshots of some of the horrible things people had said about her. There was nothing about her rapists. Nothing.
I couldn’t let Drew get away with this latest douche-baggery. If what I’d done to Jason and Brody hadn’t been enough of a message, I would have to strike a little closer to home.
Monday morning, I printed several copies of one of the most common photos of Magda—it was her school photo from last year. I wrote Remember her? across the bottom of one in black marker and folded the paper into a small square. On my way to first class, I stuck it between the door and edge of Drew’s locker. I had to pass his locker six times that day, and every time, I left a new photo. The last one, I actually managed to leave taped to his locker door. The hall was so crowded, I managed to leave it without anyone seeing. The other ones I’d left were gone. I wished I could have seen his face when he found them.
Tuesday morning when I got to school, Zoe was there waiting for me. She had a funny look on her face.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Go home sick,” she suggested, her tone pleading.
I frowned. Instead of taking her advice, I walked into the school. She followed me. Caitlin and Anna converged on us in the hall, but by then, I’d already seen some of what Zoe hadn’t wanted me to see.
Black-and-white photos of Magda papered the walls and lockers for as far as I could see—one or two here, a couple there. Most of them were the same one I’d left for Drew, and on every one of them was a word written in red. Words like Slut, Whore, Dead and Sloppy. That last word really pissed me off. It was what someone had said in a comment when photos of the rape went viral. They’d said, “That thing’s just sloppy. Time to hose the whore down.”
On several of the photos, someone had drawn a crown. Homecoming Queen.
I was so cold inside, my legs trembled and my fingers felt numb. I’d done this. I poked Drew and he retaliated. I’d made a stupid mistake.
No. I didn’t do this. Drew had done this. He was an entitled asshole who thought he could do whatever he wanted, because he’d always gotten away with it. I couldn’t let him get away with this. I was the only person who could make him pay. I had to make him pay.
“I’m so sorry,” Zoe said. I could hear tears in her voice. “We took some of them down, but...there’s a lot.”
“They’re all over the place,” Caitlyn added. Anna smacked her arm with the back of her hand.
I walked over to the nearest wall and started taking the photos down. A few seconds later, my friends started on the lockers and sections of wall farther down the hall. I was aware of people walking by—commenting on the display. I didn’t hear what they said. I didn’t care.
“Look,” Zoe said a few minutes later.
I turned my head. Along the entire length of the hall were o
ther girls—even one or two guys—ripping the photos from the wall and lockers. We stayed even after the bell for homeroom rang, though a few ran off to class. We moved together like a train, dipping into bathrooms and alcoves to remove what had been left there. Both the first and second floor hallways had been “decorated” and we climbed the stairs to finish the job.
I was working on removing a huge collage in the main hall upstairs when the principal found me. I didn’t look at her. I didn’t care what she said to me or what she did. I wasn’t going to class until I’d taken every last one of those fucking photos down.
To my surprise, she started helping me. I did pause then, and turned my head toward her. She met my gaze and nodded. I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant, but I didn’t ask.
Later, when I’d finally made it to class, the teacher was interrupted by an announcement over the PA. It was the principal.
“Your attention, please. Given recent events, anyone caught vandalizing school property, or defacing school property in any way, will be immediately suspended.”
A few people groaned. A couple laughed. The principal continued. “Let me be perfectly clear. Not only will you be suspended, but the infraction will be added to your permanent record, and if the offense includes defamation of a student or school employee’s character, you will be brought before the disciplinary review board. Thank you.”
I supposed it was good that she’d made that announcement, but why hadn’t she made it when Magda was being harassed? Where was she when my friend really needed her? She’d been hiding, just like everyone else, and this was too little too late as far as I was concerned. And now it meant I’d have to be a bit more careful in my own campaign against Drew, Adam, Brody and Jason.