“Just Jessica panicking when she realized she’s overslept by about an hour and a half,” Emily chimed in. “Speaking of which,” she grabbed my arm and started dragging me back to my room, “we need to be getting her ready or she’ll be late for her own wedding.”
I blew Alex a kiss before I was shoved into the room.
“Shower, now,” Emily said as she pushed me toward the bedroom. “Quickly.”
“Yes ma’am,” I saluted as I closed the bathroom door behind me.
I barely even got all the shampoo out of my hair and my legs shaved before Emily was yelling outside the door to hurry up. As soon as I stepped out I was ambushed into lacy white panties and a strapless push-up bra I certainly hadn’t picked out.
“Trust me,” Emily said as she rolled her eyes at my embarrassment, partially at how I looked and partially at having all three of them seeing me in so little, “Alex is going to like it.”
Throwing on an old button-up shirt of Alex’s I wore to bed sometimes, I was sat in a chair and was subjected to having my hair pulled, twisted, curled, and pinned. The three of them argued over the exact amount of make-up that needed to be applied to my apparently already perfect face. And then the rest of my entire body was lotioned down and buffed and shined.
I looked absolutely unearthly by the time they were done.
“You look…” Amber breathed as they stepped back and observed their work. I squirmed under their scrutiny.
“Like an angel,” Mom said as she gave me a cautious, tight-lipped smile and hugged me.
Nice word-choice, Mom, I thought to myself, rolling my eyes as I hugged her back.
“Alright people,” Emily said a bit too loudly. “Let’s move. We need to be there in less than a half hour!”
In a whirl-wind, I was forced into clothes that I would change out of when we got there, my dress was grabbed, the girls loaded their dresses into my mom’s rental car. Emily dashed over to collect Sal, and with Rod and my Dad behind us, we headed to the facility. Alex had already left to go pick up Caroline from the hospital.
I sat with my forehead leaned against the glass, looking out at the partially cloudy October day. I felt oddly still inside. Perhaps a little too still. I wasn’t feeling excited, I wasn’t feeling nervous. I wasn’t feeling much of anything.
I just felt there.
We pulled into the parking lot and I stepped out into the warm air. Alex parked next to us, flashing me a brilliant smile before walking around the truck and opening the door for Caroline. Dad and Rod pulled in next to him.
I simply went through the motions of grabbing my dress, of following Mom, Amber, Emily, and Caroline up the gardened path toward the front door. The smallest of movements caught my attention from the corner of my eye.
There was Jeremiah, standing at the edge of a garden, hands tucked into the pockets of his tuxedo.
A small smile spread on his lips as he stared at me with his black eyes.
I finally felt something.
Panic.
Turning my gaze away from him, I hurried inside with all the girls and we were directed to the dressing rooms.
I think everyone was trying to talk to me as they undressed me, pulling me into my dress. But I wasn’t hearing anything. I had a million thoughts rushing through me, a million feelings. Everything that had happened in the last nine months was coursing through my head, all the choices I’d made, all the lies I’d told, all the secrets I’d kept.
And the things that Jeremiah had said to Alex.
Before I knew it, I registered my mom say that it was finally time. We were shuffled to another small building situated at one end of the garden we had chosen to be married in. Music started playing softly, bouquets were handed around, one was pressed into my clammy hands, and the girls started filling out the ornate doors that swung closed behind each of them.
Something within me told me I needed to open those doors and walk down the aisle of flowers that would lead me to Alex and the rest of my life. This was what I wanted, what I had been fighting to have for so long.
But I couldn’t move.
You’ve given up so much for this woman, and yet there is so much she hasn’t told you. Consider your sacrifice carefully.
I didn’t deserve to have Alex. He had given everything for me. And I’d lied to him, about so much.
I didn’t deserve him. I couldn’t marry a man that I didn’t deserve.
My legs sank me onto a white wicker chair, my elbows resting on my knees, my beautiful flowers resting loosely in my hands.
Everything inside of me felt dead again.
Just like the most of me was.
I barely registered the music stopping, heard the voices murmuring outside.
The door opened quietly and glancing up, my eyes already filling with tears, I saw Alex step inside.
He looked perfect. There was no other way to describe him. Everything about him was seamless from his face, to his hair, to the black tuxedo he wore. He was glorious.
He crossed the small space and without saying a word, he crouched down in front of me. Taking the bouquet from my hands and setting it on the floor next to him, he took my hands in his. A single tear escaped onto my cheek as his eyes met mine.
“I can’t keep lying to you,” I half whispered. “I can’t marry you like this.”
Alex’s face didn’t even falter, his eyes never wavered as he kept looking into mine.
“I can’t die, Alex,” I said, sniffing and wiping the tear from my face. “And I mean literally can’t die. That was what Cole and I talked about when we were in England. I haven’t changed at all since you died. I’m not even aging. I’m stuck. I can’t progress, I can’t move forward. Cole told me that while you’re dead and while I have what was your life, I can’t die. Too much of me had already died. So I’m stuck.
“I should have died, so many times since you did. But I didn’t,” my voice cracked slightly. “The car accident, in a fire, Cole throwing a knife into my chest to test this theory, so many times. You’re going to be pulled back soon, and I can never go with you. Ever.”
Alex continued to look into my eyes, his face unchanging. But I could see the wheels turning in his head.
“The angel who’s been following me has been trying to figure out what is wrong with me. He thinks that if he can find a way to drag me back he can become the next Cole. And…” I hesitated, my eyes dropping away from Alex’s for a moment as I gathered the courage to tell Alex the worst part. “I’ve talked to Cole recently. A few times.”
“Since Cole went back?” Alex asked, his voice shaky.
I met his eyes again, and nodded slowly.
“You’ve been back to the afterlife?” Now the fear showed in his eyes.
“Kind of,” I scrambled as I gathered my thoughts, sorted everything out in my head. “One of those times I should have died that other angel was there, I grabbed him and somehow he pulled me back.”
Alex’s grip on my hands tightened slightly.
“He wanted to keep me there. Cole got me out. But I begged for his help. He told me to come see him when I slept.”
“You went back again,” he half stated, half asked.
“Three times,” I breathed. “Alex, I watched them argue over when to take you back. That day you collapsed to the floor, when you found me next to you when you came to. I went back to the afterlife and Cole convinced them to let you have a few more weeks, enough time to make it just past the wedding.
“The other time he told me what it was the man who’s been following me wanted. And then the last time he told me that he didn’t know how to save you, just that I had to figure it out faster. That’s how I knew about Caroline, where she was and that she was nearly dead. Cole told me.”
I took a gasping breath, pulling one of my hands out of Alex’s to cover my mouth as ragged breath’s came in and out.
“Is there anything else?” Alex asked quietly.
I let my breath out with a whoosh, meetin
g his eyes again. I felt something inside of me harden. “Even if you don’t want to marry me anymore for lying to you, I will still do anything, anything I have to to keep them from taking you.”
He didn’t say anything for a minute, just held my hand and looked at me. I could see thoughts flashing across his eyes. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to ever say anything or not.
“I wish you had told me sooner,” he started. “I could have helped you bare all of this, helped you figure this out.
“But I am so proud of you I can’t even put it into words. You’re the bravest person I know. And that you’re willing to take on the entire afterlife for me,” his own voice cracked.
“I want to marry you,” he said after taking a moment to gather himself. “I need to marry you, Jessica Bailey. You are air to me, you are life. And I promise that I will do everything, everything to stay here with you. I can’t,” he faltered again, his eyes dropping to the ground as he tried to compose himself. Another tear rolled down my cheek. “I can’t leave you.”
Just as if a thousand pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders, I felt a release wash over me. I felt like I could breathe again. A few more tears rolled down my cheek, this time out of relief.
And suddenly everything was okay. In that moment I knew that everything had to be okay.
“Then let’s go get married, Alex Wright,” I said quietly, placing my hand on his flawless cheek.
His eyes rose to meet mine again, hope, fear, relief, and one hundred other emotions flooding them. “Let’s go get married,” he whispered.
We both rose to our feet. I grabbed my bouquet, checked my face in the mirror, wiped away the stray tears. Slipping my arm into his, we opened the doors together and stepped out into the warm fall air.
The music softly picked back up, floating through the flowers and trees from an unseen source. Confused and slightly panicked looking faces turned towards us in unison. Alex and I both gave smiles as arm and arm, we walked up the aisle toward the pastor who stood uncomfortably before everyone.
We both managed to ignore the lone figure, standing off in the distance, watching us all.
Finally we came to a stop before my parents, Caroline, Emily, Amber, Rod, Sal, Rita, and Austin. I wore the beautiful lacy dress I had seen in Idaho, with my wings in full view for every single one of them to see. I was done hiding.
Everyone settled as Alex took my hands in his, the smiles returned to their faces and the music faded away.
The pastor spoke poetic words of love being strong and enduring, of it lasting beyond death. That with love we could do anything.
“Jessica, do you take Alex Wright to be your husband?” he finally asked.
I thought my heart would beat out of my chest and that my chest might burst from how it swelled with nothing but pure joy as I said “I do.”
“And Alex, do you take Jessica to be your wife?”
“I do,” he said, his brilliant smile cracking on his face.
Emily handed us the rings and in a gesture as old as civilization, we slid them onto each other’s fingers.
“Well, I guess I pronounce you two husband and wife,” the preacher said with a light-hearted chuckle, a smile breaking across his own face. “I suppose you could kiss her now,” he said with a wink.
I thought my own smile would crack my face as we both leaned forward. My hand wrapped around the back of his head, Alex’s arms circling around my waist and for the first time, I kissed my husband.
There were no angels, there were never any nightmares, there was no death and fear.
There was simply the joy I felt as Alex’s lips were pressed against mine, as my family and friends watched us share the moment we both feared would never come.
Despite all the obstacles that had been placed in our way, we were here.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Butterflies filled my stomach as we went through the motions of our tiny “reception” after the ceremony. The wedding cake Alex made was divine, as little of it as I actually ate. Caroline was picked up by a worker at the rehab facility and Emily ran Sal home when it all started to be too much for her. We changed afterward and went to some fancy restaurant. Apparently my dad had a goal of running his account dry as he encouraged everyone to order more and more.
The entire day I kept stealing glances at Alex. And I kept catching his eyes on me. The heat behind them was enough to make my knees feel like melting butter. His hand would brush against mine, I would feel his breath against my bare shoulder. His fingers slipped beneath the lacy fabric of my dress at my back, his body positioned so that no one else could see.
The anticipation was going to kill me.
Eventually the good-byes were said, Alex and I loaded our bags into the GTO and made the two hour drive down to SeaTac airport, arriving just in time to catch our flight. With all of the excitement of the day, all of the nerves I had felt, I slumped into Alex’s side and let sleep wash over me.
And finally, nineteen hours later, we parked at the house on the beach.
I opened the door of the rental car and stepped out into the brilliant morning light. The bluest water I had ever seen lapped softly at the sand, light dancing off of the tiny granules. Palm trees nearly swarmed the small house, two hammocks swinging lazily in the light breeze.
A pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist, Alex’s chin resting on my shoulder. Just his simple touch was enough to send my heart racing.
“What do you think of it?” he asked quietly.
“It’s perfect,” I couldn’t help but smiling, reaching up and placing my palm against his cheek. “A week, just the two of us.”
“Just us,” Alex said suggestively, squeezing my midsection.
I bit my lower lips as the smile crept back onto my face. Yet butterflies filled my stomach.
“Come on,” Alex said as he stepped away back toward the car. “Let’s get our stuff inside.”
The house was small but it felt perfectly comfortable with its oversized chairs and couches, terra cotta tiling everywhere, indoor and outdoor showers, and massive all white bed in the master suite.
Another round of butterflies filled my stomach as we stashed our suitcases in the closet attached to the enormous bathroom. We stood there for a moment, neither of us saying anything, just staring at our bags on the floor.
“Are you scared?” I asked finally.
“Terrified,” he said seriously. And then he laughed.
I couldn’t help but chuckle with him. “Why is this so scary now?” I shook my head. “With as many close calls as we’ve had before it shouldn’t sound so terrifying.”
“Because we always knew before that we couldn’t ever actually do it,” Alex said as he slipped his hand into mine. “Now we can.”
“Wow,” I breathed, looking up into Alex’s face finally.
“Wow,” he repeated, a smile cracking at the corner of his lips.
And then the awkward moment was broken by the sound of my stomach growling.
“Hungry are we?” Alex asked as he raised his eyebrow at me with a smirk.
“I’m never hungry,” I said. I could feel my face blushing already.
Alex chuckled and led me out into the kitchen area. “It’s the nerves,” he said as he opened the fridge we had just unloaded a few things into. “If I still ate I would be hungry right now.”
“You were always hungry,” I chuckled as I sat at the small table and propped my sandaled feet up on the other chair. I felt myself finally start to relax.
“What sounds good?” Alex asked, his head in the recently loaded fridge.
“You,” I teased, feeling my face blush all the more. I was trying to think how Emily might talk in an awkward situation like this.
“I’m what’s for dessert,” Alex said as he pulled out the makings for a sandwich.
I chuckled, shaking my head at him. “I could make that for myself you know.”
“I know,” he smiled as he spread the mayo. “I just… mi
ss cooking, so even with how little you eat anymore, it’s still some cooking.”
“I like when you cook for me too,” I said, smiling as I watched him. “It’s sweet.”
He glanced up at me, his eyes lingering on my not quite human looking face for a moment. I sensed a shift in his line of thought. “So it’s true then,” he suddenly said, turning his focus back to the sandwich. “You’re more… angel than human?”
I nodded, even though he wasn’t looking at me. “That’s what Cole said. I’m basically more dead than alive. He said I was as close to death as I could come and not be dead. I’ve felt, just… really disconnected from everyone normal lately.”
“Neither of us has been normal for a while now,” Alex said as he put the sandwich on a small plate and handed it to me.
I nodded and took a bite. “I’ve never really been normal though I guess.”
Alex gave me a sad smile. “Sometimes being unique is better than being normal. It’s what brought us together.”
“What do you mean?” I asked him, furrowing my brow at him.
“Well, if you hadn’t have had your nightmares, you never would have run away from home. If it wasn’t for them you never would have met Jason, he never would have broken up with you because he thought you were crazy, and you never would have fled to Washington, gotten the job from my grandparents. And I never would have found you in the stairwell with a baseball bat.”
A small smile spread on my lips. “I’ve never thought of it like that I guess. That if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have met you. Makes it all worth it. All the hell I experienced.”
A few bites was all it took to fill my stomach. I washed the plate, and together we headed out to one of the gigantic hammocks next to the water. Folding myself into Alex’s side, I closed my eyes for a moment, just breathing in the warm air.
“Feel better now?” he said quietly into my ear.
“Yeah,” I said, hugging his chest.
“Are you tired?”
“Are you kidding?” I asked with a chuckle. “I probably slept for five hours on the plane.”
Alex laughed. “You were out. I’ve never seen you sleep like the dead like that before.”