“That right?” Alex said, his voice sounding relieved as well at the change of subject.
I nodded against his chest again. “To Austin’s little sister. She’s probably in surgery right now.”
Alex was quiet for a moment. I could feel the thoughts that were rolling through his head. “I’m happy for her. She doesn’t deserve to be branded, despite what she’s done.”
“No, she doesn’t deserve that.”
I stepped away from Alex, wiping at my nose again with the back of my sleeve. I suddenly felt disgusting.
“I need a shower,” I said, hugging my sides, letting my eyes drop to the ground. I realized my dilemma then. That would require taking my eyes off of Alex.
As if reading my thoughts, Alex took my hand in his, and led me into the bedroom. Closing the bathroom door behind us, Alex’s lips met my neck, his hands coming under my top, slowly pulling it over my head. I tipped my head back as his lips made their way to my collar bone. His lips never leaving my skin, he reached over and started the water in the shower.
“This is how I imagined we’d spend our days following our honeymoon,” he said in a rough voice against my skin.
I couldn’t help the smile that finally crossed my face.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
That evening, after a call to Rita for an update on the surgery, Alex and I headed out of the house. We had to carefully consider how best to cover up the being Alex was becoming. Pushing a baseball cap down as far as he could on his head, he also wore a long sleeved t-shirt and I had my first experience in putting make-up on a man. Even with the cover-up, the blackness around his eyes was frightening.
The light was quickly fading as Alex parked the truck at the hospital we seemed to be making far too many visits to. My stomach knotted as I remembered all of us who had been housed in these walls for a time. I’d spent far too many hours there.
Silent visitors walked the halls. But as we got toward the end of the one we had been directed to, laughter and happy chatting could be heard from one of the rooms. We slowed as a crowd of people spilled out into the hallway, and I couldn’t help but glance in their direction.
“Jessica!” a voice from inside the crowded room called. I did a double-take, and caught a glimpse of Austin’s face through the crowd of people.
“Hey,” I tried to sound cheerful as he pushed his way through them towards Alex and I. I swallowed hard as Austin caught a glimpse of Alex’s face, and he stopped just a little too short, his eyes growing wide.
“Hey,” he said, his voice slightly too quiet as he looked at Alex’s face again. Finally pulling his eyes away, he met mine, a genuine smile spreading on his face. “How was Costa Rica?”
“Pretty,” I said simply, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my jacket. “I assume that’s your sister’s room?”
Austin glanced back toward the doorway and all the people. “Yeah. I’m surprised the nurses haven’t come back down here to yell at us for not letting Callie rest. Everyone’s just so excited about the surgery. We’ve waited a long time for this.”
“I’m really happy for you and your family,” I said, trying to give a small smile. It felt like I’d forgotten how to.
“Emily’s amazing,” Austin said, his face cracking into a brilliant smile. It wasn’t hard to tell he was already head over heels. That did make me smile just a bit.
“Yeah, she really is,” I agreed with him. “We’re going to see her now.”
Austin nodded, his smile still spread. “I’ll be down there in a few.”
“Okay,” I said hollowly and started back down the hall. I didn’t miss Austin’s wary glance at Alex’s face again. Or the way Alex was unnaturally silent the entire time.
“Did he see it as bad as it is?” I asked quietly as we approached Emily’s room number.
Alex just shook his head.
Another small stone was added to the pile in my stomach. Alex hated messing with people’s heads.
I gave three quiet taps on the door before being told to come in. We stepped inside, this room looking exactly like the one Sal had resided in before being transferred to the mental institution.
“Hey, guys!” Emily said cheerily, smiling at us from where she sat slightly propped up with a few overly starched white pillows. “Guess you found out my secret.”
“Rita accidently narked on you,” I said, trying to smile for her as I crossed the room and hugged her. I then sat on the bed next to her. Emily reached for one of my hands and held it tightly.
“Blast,” she said, though a wide smile covered her face.
I just shook my head, a real feeling smile tugging at the corner of my mouth.
“Well, you look like hell,” Emily said as her eyes turned to Alex who stood just behind me.
“Thanks,” Alex said with a chuckle and a shake of his head. “I kind of feel like hell.”
“It’s getting worse?” she asked, her voice suddenly serious.
“Much,” I said. My rock-filled stomach gave a little twist and shudder, my insides still not solid. “So when are you going to be able to go home?” I changed the subject. I was getting good at that.
“I talked to the doctor,” she said with a slight sigh. “They agreed to let me out for a few hours so I could go to Sal’s service. One of you will have to come pick me up. They’ll talk your ear off about being careful, not letting me do too much, blah, blah, blah. Then I have to come back for a few more days. Hopefully I can go home in a few days.”
“Uh, you’re not going home by yourself,” I said, my eyes turning a glare at her. “You’re not going back to sit in that empty apartment by yourself. We’ve got that whole house to ourselves and an entire apartment sitting empty downstairs. You’ll be coming to stay with us.”
A small smile spread on her face again, her eyes practically glowing. “Okay,” she said, her voice showing hints of emotion. “Thanks you guys.”
“You’re always welcome,” Alex chimed in.
There was a knock at the door and a moment later Austin stepped inside, a familiar grin spread on his face.
“Hey,” he breathed.
“Hey,” Emily said airily back.
I just shook my head. They so liked each other and were so oblivious to how bad it was.
“So what is the University doing while you’re out of commission?” I said, turning back to Emily. Austin had taken a seat next to her bed, sitting with his socked feet on the edge of the mattress.
“My students are being tortured with book work. Did you know there were entire books written on yoga?”
“I do work in a bookstore,” I chuckled.
“Oh, right,” she said, her face flushing red just a little bit. “Well, I didn’t really think about that. I just did yoga. Anyway, the University requires that I have some sort of text curriculum which I’ve been putting off so that’s what they’re doing while I’m gone. Book work. Independently.”
I nodded, grateful for such normal conversation.
I felt Alex lay a hand on my shoulder from behind. The trembling in them was getting violent again. I got the message.
“Well,” I said as I stood, letting Alex’s hand slip into mine. “We’d better be going. I’m glad that you’re doing okay.”
I gave Emily a hug, hesitating awkwardly before giving Austin one too. Alex just hung by the door, struggling to keep it together before we could get back to the truck.
“Take care,” I said to Emily as I joined him at the door.
“You too,” she said with a sad smile. “Hang in there Alex. You’re not allowed to go.”
“Thanks, Emily,” Alex replied in a shaky voice.
As soon as we closed the door behind us, Alex practically ran back to the truck. The sun had fully set by that point, the hospital looking unnaturally bright from the outside. Throwing the passenger door of the truck open, Alex flung himself inside.
And the next moment his jacket and shirt were shredded as his wings burst out.
I hesitated outside, just one more rock dropping on the pile forming inside of me. Alex kneeled on the seat, clutching his arms around his head, shaking in a way that I could see even from here.
Gathering my courage, I swallowed hard, and opened the driver’s door. I felt like I should have asked Alex if he was okay, but it was obvious he wasn’t. So instead I put the key in the ignition, started the truck, and backed out of our parking spot.
Alex didn’t move the entire drive back. We didn’t say a word as we moved through the night. As we got back to the lake, I stopped in front of Sal’s house and got out before Alex could say anything.
I fished for Sal’s keys and let myself in.
All the nights Sal and I had spent together, all the episodes of Touched by an Angel I had tried to ignore, all the meltdowns and leisurely afternoons came back to me. I’d never hear Sal’s nonsensical voice again.
Pushing the memories aside, I made my way downstairs into Sal’s bathroom. Opening her mirror, I found her prescription sleeping pills. My hands threatening to shake, I twisted the lid off, found twenty-something-odd pills still inside. Slipping the bottle into my pocket, I walked back upstairs, and locked the front door behind me again.
By the time I got back into the truck, Alex looked more composed, his wings gone. His face looked tired, but not quite so dead. I hadn’t expected him to remain silent after I got back in and parked the truck in our garage, but he didn’t question me.
We walked into the silent house, still neither of us saying a word. I sighed as I set my purse on the table, bracing my hands against its wooden surface. I let my eyes slide closed, feeling so heavy and so exhausted.
I heard Alex walk out of the bedroom, assuming he had gone to get a new shirt. He hesitated behind me in the living room. I could feel the turmoil inside of him. It reached out to me, meshed with my own.
“We’re going to go to Italy next spring,” he suddenly said, his voice louder than I expected it to be, like he was trying to convince himself of their sureness. “Next April. We’re going to go spend two weeks in Italy. We’re going to ride a gondola, or whatever they’re called. We’re going to go stay in some really expensive villa with goats or something that grazes the land.”
“Goats?” I said, my eyes still not leaving the surface of the table.
“Or something,” he said. I heard him take two steps toward me. “And then next November we’re going to go to Greece. I’ve never been.”
“I’d love to see Greece,” I said, feeing a few of those rocks in my stomach disappear.
“Next month we are going to go to your sister’s wedding. We’re going to watch her and Rod say their vows. And someday, you and I will be aunt and uncle to their kids.”
And then one more rock dropped back in.
“And when we feel ready, we’re going to adopt some kids of our own,” Alex was standing just a foot behind me now.
“Three,” I said softly. “I always wanted three, when the time came.”
“Three it is then,” Alex said as he touched my shoulders lightly. Almost as if he didn’t quite dare wrap his arms around me. “And then we’re going to remodel this house. We’re going to decorate a nursery, put a swing on the branch that hangs over the backyard.
“We’re going to have our own family, Jessica Wright. We will make our own life.”
I turned around to face Alex. His eyes burned with intensity as they looked into mine. I wrapped my arms behind his neck, bringing his face close to mine. I touched my forehead to his and closed my eyes. “We are going to move on to the rest of our lives.”
“Yes we are,” he said, letting his lips brush mine as he spoke.
“Thank you,” I said with a sigh, letting myself relax into his embrace. It felt nice to be supported, to just finally let go of everything inside of me.
Alex didn’t say anything, just brushed his lips against my temple and squeezed me tighter.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
I collapsed to my knees as the afterlife materialized around me. It felt as if my body were trying to turn itself inside out. My organs tried to expand and explode their way out of my skin. My entire body quaked.
Lifting my head took every ounce of strength I had. Trying to place myself, I found I was on the staircase, directly across from the council’s seats. The new Cormack had just walked back into the stone tunnel leaving a recently deceased person standing alone on the catwalk.
As I heard the rustling of wings, I threw myself back against the wall, trying to make myself as small as possible.
I couldn’t even dare a glance toward the council as the trial got underway. I didn’t want to know if they could see me or now. I wasn’t sure if I should feel panicked or relieved when the condemned and exalted started flooding into the cylinder. They hid me from the eyes of the council, but my odd behavior was like sending out a flare. Yet no one acknowledged my presence; they simply sat in rapture of the trial underway.
I looked around as I got to my feet, the names of the dead running through my head.
But I didn’t have to search for long. A pair of blue eyes locked with mine, and as usual, I just knew that was Philip Clearwater. As he started walking toward me, two others joined his side, and a moment later, three more. As he approached me, he gave a nod of his head, indicating that I was to start up the staircase. I understood. We were in too obvious of a spot.
As we made our way up, the crowd behind me seeming to grow, I dared one glance sideways toward the ten council member’s.
A dull throb pulsed through my chest as my eyes settled on Cole. Our final hours together before he was pulled back filled my thoughts. The honesty he had finally allowed to come through put a lot of strange feelings into my chest.
Suddenly, as if I had spoken those thoughts directly into his ear, Cole’s eyes lifted from the man before him. He scanned the staircase for just a moment, and then his eyes met mine.
I could tell he was trying hard not to react to me. But I could see the fear in his eyes, the panic he must have been feeling. And then his eyes flashed to the other side of the cylinder, to the stairway that wound up and down. I followed his line of sight, feeling a strange sensation crawling along in my blood.
I saw myself from across the cylinder. I stared down at the man on trial, my face serene and calm looking.
Jane.
The woman Cole had loved for centuries. The woman who had cheated on her husband with Cole. The woman he had fathered an illegitimate child with. And the woman who had forsaken him.
The woman who was the reason Cole had come after me.
My own eyes slid back to Cole. I didn’t even think to be more tactful to compose my shock-saturated face. Cole’s eyes met mine again, his expression both saddened and shameful looking.
I was prodded from behind, and I stumbled forward, my body feeling numb.
“Keep moving,” a voice mumbled from behind.
I just kept glancing back and forth from Jane’s oblivious face to Cole’s deepening disturbed one.
He caught my eyes once more, and shook his head in a very clear way.
I swallowed hard and turned my eyes back in the direction I was supposed to be going. Gathering my wits, I committed myself to not look at Jane and her blue eyes again.
Finally out of view of the council, I turned back to the people behind me, realizing that the group had grown to over a dozen angels.
“We know why you’re here,” a woman with black eyes said. Surprisingly her voice was calm, not the normal hate-filled hissing they usually spoke with. “And while not all of us agree, I will do what you ask. I haven’t forgotten the branding you endured for me.”
“But the council needs him,” a blue-eyed man said, his eyes turning hard on the woman. “You’ve seen the chaos. Only one council member has been committed for the next term but the contention continues to get worse. He will be a needed addition.”
I glanced back to the council. A blue-eyed man I had never seen before sat with the rest o
f them, one of the women now gone.
“He didn’t deserve to be taken when he was,” the woman said, her voice hardening as she met the man’s glare. “It wasn’t his time.”
“It must have been if he’s dead!” another of the black-eyed angels said.
“Please,” I said, my voice just a little too quiet to be heard. I swallowed hard, squeezing my eyes closed. “Please,” I said more loudly, letting my eyes slowly open again. “Don’t accept him when they judge him.”
They were quiet for a while, their eyes not quite meeting mine.
“Not like it matters,” one of the ones with black eyes said. “We all know where he will be placed. It doesn’t matter if my kind agree.”
“He’s right,” a blue-eyed woman said. “We all know where he’s going. You really only have to get those of us he would join to agree with you.”
“Than do it,” I said, my voice sounding desperate. “I can’t let him be taken back. And I need you to help me. I can’t reach everyone in time. He only has a week, at the most. I need you all to help find those I stood trial for and get them to agree.”
They were silent again for a moment that felt too ominously long.
“We can’t make that promise,” a young looking blond woman said quietly.
I met each of their eyes, reading the same answer in each of them.
“Fine,” I said, my voice shaking, threatening to crack. “But can you just tell me one thing before I go?” I took their silence as a maybe. “Have any of you seen a Sally Thomas?”
They glanced between each other, something spreading through them that felt like an inside secret.
“That’s enough,” I said, closing my eyes again. “You don’t have to tell me. I just wanted to know if anyone had seen her.”
Without waiting for any more heart-sinking words, I stepped off the ledge.
The following two days passed in a slow roll of anticipation and dread. I continued to go back to the afterlife as much as I could, aided by Sal’s pills. But I was getting the same answers. A few would do what I asked, but most wanted him on the council. We were losing this battle.