Vital
By
Jamie Magee
Vital: Book Four of the “Insight” Series
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters and events portrayed in this book are fictional, and any resemblance to any real people or event is purely coincidental.
Copyright © 2011 by Jamie Magee
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without
the express consent of the publisher and author, except where permitted by law. Print ISPN:ISBN-13:978-1479391141
ISBN-10:
147939114X
Cover art rights owned by Jamie Magee Cover art design by Marek Purzycki First printed copy, November 2011 Created in the United States of America
"In a controversy, the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for truth and have begun striving for ourselves." ~ Abraham J. Heschel
For my soul mate, Lem, who taught me that love is every emotion wrapped in one.....
Chapter One
I was lost in a captivating stare. His dark, wavy hair was hiding his gently closed eyes, and his perfect jawline was slightly tensed. As my gaze moved across his bare chest, I noticed the beat of his heart increase. All at once, the muscles in his long, strong arms flexed and he abruptly rose in the bed, gasping slightly as his crystal blue eyes grew wide for an instant. He glanced to his side at me, then let his legs fall to the side of the bed and leaned forward on his knees. I pulled myself up and crawled to him, carefully laying my face against his back as I wrapped my arms around his lean waist.
“I was almost sure you wouldn’t wake like that this time,” I whispered.
He reached for my hands and held them tight as he let out a slow, deep breath.
“Tell me what happens,” I said just before planting a tender kiss on his warm, tan skin.
“Nothing,” he answered as his eyes blankly stared forward.
“If I couldn't feel the truth in your words, I’d swear you were lying to me.”
Breaking my hold on him, he stood and walked to the balcony doorway, opening it to let the cool early morning air in. He then reached his arms to the top of the frame, tilted his head slightly forward, and stretched his body as he tried to wake up, to focus.
“If you don’t see anything, if it’s not a nightmare, then how come you wake up like that?” I asked as I moved my legs to the side of the bed.
“It’s....it’s just a feeling,” he said as he let his arms fall and leaned into the door frame.
“I know how it feels, Landen...I feel every dark emotion from grief to agony just as you wake...those feelings don’t come to life without a reason,” I said quietly as I caught myself gazing at how perfect the morning sun was reflecting in his eyes.
“I don’t know, baby. One minute we’re dreaming together...then...then when we decide to wake up, and there’s this void, something stopping me from waking up...I feel dark, misguided...heartbroken, and I have no idea why. Then it feels cold, dense, and when I decide to push through that feeling, tell myself I have no reason to feel that way, a thousand fears flash before my eyes - then I wake.”
“And what fears are those?” I asked, swearing I felt him push the emotion of envy down.
“That’s not mine,” he said, glancing at me. “I don’t feel envy, at least not that deeply. I don’t know where those emotions are coming from.”
I swallowed nervously as my heart began to beat faster. “I don’t ever want you to feel that way...nothing is ever going to tear us apart...not him, not anything.”
“I know,” he said as he smiled slightly and his dimples dared to show themselves. I knew that expression; that was the one he gave me when he wanted to calm my unbalanced emotions, the look he gave me when he didn’t know what to do or say next. “I’m sure it’s stress or something. Don’t worry about it, OK?” he said as stood up straighter and walked to me. “You look tired, too. Maybe we should stay here today.”
“If there is even one...we need to be there,” I said as I analyzed every emotion he had.
In the past seven days, Drake has pushed close to three thousand souls into the string – into the safety of my arms. Last night when he met me and Landen in the string, he told us not to expect many today. In the eyes of his people, he had executed thousands for simply believing that I was real, so he thought this act was causing my followers to grow silent – to move underground.
“Do you think you’re having this nightmare thing because we have to find a new way to save them?”
“No. We’ll find a way. I’m fine,” he said as he leaned down and kissed my lips, filling me with love and immense passion with every hungry movement of them.
I slowly pulled away and reached for his face. “I felt the lie in those words.”
His hand met mine as he stood up. “We’ll find a way,” he promised, hating that I’d ended the onset of a passionate moment.
“Not in that part; in the ‘I’m fine’ part.” I said as my eyes rapidly moved across his addictive image.
“It just feels like a lie because I don’t know what fine is anymore. We’re together,” he said as he glanced at my chest, “alive and well, so...I’m fine.”
Before I could say anything - including apologizing again for pushing that blade of diamonds in my chest in front of him - he cleared his throat and said, “I’m going to take a quick shower.”
I pulled the covers over my shoulder and rolled to my side to stare out at the balcony. Through the doorway that was slightly open, a white butterfly drifted into my room along the path of the sun. I watched as it danced above me, and as I gently reached my hand up, without hesitation it landed on my warm skin. I pulled my hand gently to me and studied the details of this beautiful creature.
I could hear the water in the bathroom beating down on Landen’s body, and I could feel his emotions as they weighed the day before us. We would have to find a new way save the people on the dark side of Esterious, and we still had no idea what our next trial may hold. Not to mention we hadn’t seen Dane or Clarissa since before we moved the wall. We never talked about it, but I knew we both thought that we’d burned a bridge within our family. It was something that’s never happened before, and it reflected our deepest fear: that our family would become our ultimate sacrifice.
Today, after Drake’s mock execution, we were all to meet in Perodine’s study to discuss the coming trial of Mars – the one trial everyone seemed to fear the most. They fear it for what it’s known for influencing: war. I’m sure it would be wise for me to fear it too, but honestly, I’m just tired...very tired.
I felt like I was just spinning in circles; the closer we worked with Drake, the more distant Landen and I seemed to grow. When we were in Esterious, I felt him push down every emotion from jealously to betrayal. My gut told me he didn’t believe that I’d ever leave him for Drake, but I knew he hated the fact that we had to work with him, that we had to trust him if we were going to make it through whatever curse we were fighting. I kept telling myself that if I could find her - the girl I was sure that existed, the one that surely looked like me - that Drake would fall for her, the tension between the three of us would end, and we’d all be able to work together without fighting our natural emotions.
Landen hated that thought process, but I never asked him why. I felt it from him whenever I’d wonder aloud where she may be, and I assumed he felt that way because he knew that if I was thinking of finding her, I was thinking of Drake’s heart – which meant I was unfocused on what really needed to be done: saving all the lost souls in Esterious.
The bathroom door opened, and I turned to watch Landen dress for the day. He glanced at me as he pulled his black T-shirt over his head.
I loved the way the shade brought out his haunting blue eyes.
“You have a new friend,” he teased, noticing the butterfly that was still resting on my hand.
I smiled and moved my hand to the bedside table, urging the butterfly to find a new resting place. I then grudgingly threw my covers back and edged to the side of the bed. I could feel the intent of Rose and my father to come to our house for breakfast. They were both worried about us; they seemed to think that our bodies would soon succumb to the stress they were under - and the way Landen had woken up over the last week gave me reason to think they may be right. We hadn't told them about it though, we knew that would just add to their endless concerns about us, and it was already hard enough to find a moment alone.
“I’m going to call Brady and see if they need help loading the Jeeps,” Landen said before he kissed my forehead and left the room.
Supplies were growing slim in Delen. The land was producing at a rate like never before, but it was almost winter, and the crops hadn’t had time to develop. We knew the people there didn’t need the stress of finding a way to support each other. Winters were mild in Chara, and the crops, like everything else, were in abundance. Each day, travelers have taken loads of food and supplies to the ever growing city.
I took a long, quiet shower as I debated how to protect the world of Esterious from the darkness that was haunting me. I told myself that when that day came, all of my worries would wash away and I wouldn’t have to fear an unwanted fate or look into the demon’s eyes again. In the back of my mind, though, I could feel my subconscious screaming at me, telling me that Esterious was only one of many dimensions that had lost their way. Underneath all the stress in my life, Drake plagued my thoughts; it took everything I had to hide the way he made my heart race, the memory of his energy within mine.
As I went in my room to dress for the day, I found that my butterfly now had friends; across my room, I counted eight fluttering around. They made me smile, something that seemed hard to do here lately. I could feel my father and Rose downstairs. They thought I was avoiding them. Landen could feel that notion, too, and was coming up the stairs to find me. I was putting my shoes on when he came in.
“Now you have several friends,” he noted, grinning at the room full of butterflies.
“Isn’t that weird?” I asked. “I don’t ever think I’ve seen so many this late in the year. Is that common here?”
Landen looked curiously at the light blue one next to him before he began to help me make our bed. “I’ve seen them here through every part of the year. I think they like the flowers in the field. I’ve just never seen so many adventure inside at once.”
As I threw the last pillow on the bed, Landen came to my side and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I meant what I said before; we don’t have to go today,” he said as he reached to tuck a lock of my hair behind my ear as his eyes cascaded across my face. “We can find a quiet beach, you could sketch, take in the sun,” he whispered.
I looked down, not wanting to fight about this. “I just can’t rest if there are so many suffering.”
“Willow, if we forget what’s beautiful about life, we won’t be able to help anyone.”
I dared to look into his eyes, my weakness. “Tomorrow, maybe the next day - when we finally figure out how to keep saving them.”
Landen’s jaw tightened, and he nodded once as he tried to smile. “OK,” he said as his thumb reached to trace the bottom of my eye. “But if you wake up tomorrow and look any less rested, we’re taking a break.”
“You sound like my father,” I said, reaching up to brush his dark locks out of his eyes so I could see the blue and feel the peace of his energy.
“I take that as a compliment,” Landen said, winking at me.
Now that Landen had the power to heal he’d spent a lot of time asking my father about parts of the body. He wanted to know what he should always heal first. He feared and loved his new gift and simply wanted to make sure he used it wisely. My father took great pride in teaching him; it was as if he’d found someone who understood the human body as well as he did.
Landen let his hand fall into mine and led me down the stairs. Rose had brought breakfast for everyone, and they were waiting patiently for us. I smiled slightly and took a seat next to my father. From the corner of my eyes, I could see him looking me over – looking for a weakness that could bring me harm.
“Well,” I said, turning to him, “how do I look?”
“Tired,” he said, putting his arm around me and glancing at Landen. “You both look tired.”
I leaned into him, avoiding his eyes. I knew with one look he’d figure out that I was worried about Landen, about both of us. For a moment I pretended I was still his little girl and that he could still scare the monster that I feared away.
I felt him kiss the top of my head. “I want you to eat for me. It’ll give you strength,” he said, letting his arm fall from around me.
I nodded and looked down at the bowl of fruit, then began to push it from side to side, trying to find my appetite. Without warning, my ring slipped from my finger into my bowl. I felt the tension rise in the room.
“My hands must be cold,” I said, making light of how easily it slipped away.
Landen reached for the ring, then took it to the sink to rinse it off. Rose pushed her bowl to me and took mine away. “I’ll get you a muffin, too,” she said, clearly alarmed.
I shook my head and started to eat my fruit as fast as possible; their worry was exhausting. Landen sat down across from me, drying the ring. The silver had dulled, just as it always had when it left my skin.
“Maybe we should get a spacer for this or find a way to resize it,” Landen said, looking at the eye that was carved into the inside the band.
“A spacer, yes, but cutting it? No; I doubt you’d be able to. They must carry some significance, otherwise you wouldn’t have left them with the medallion,” Rose said.
I reached up and traced my medallion with my fingertips, remembering the images that came from it just a few short days ago. I could see Rose’s point; the rings were bound to hold some part of us from past lives. I always found the way the silver shifted colors a little eerie.
Landen reached for my hand, and I placed mine in his. As he caught my gaze, I felt his desire to steal me away to some distant place grow within him. I felt him fight with his intent as he slid the ring on my finger once again. In Chara, you’re taught to see signs in everything, to never believe in such things as coincidences. If Landen were the slightest bit more superstitious, he might have seen the ring falling from my hand as symbolic of me letting our love fall, placing it second - which is something that no citizen of Chara ever does.
I squeezed his hand and thought, My hands really are cold, and I think we skipped dinner last night.
He dared to let a smile come to the corner of his lips. I know, he thought
I could feel the metal hug my skin as it hummed; it was as if it had somehow made itself smaller. I looked down curiously to see that the band was bright silver again.
“It feels tighter,” I said under my breath.
I could spin it comfortably, but there was no way it was going to fall off. As I shook my hand to show them, I felt anxiety rise in my father and Rose’s emotion, and reassurance in Landen’s.
“We may want to look into these. To say the least, they must be important,” Rose said, looking at Landen.
“I’ll mention it to Perodine when we go there tonight,” Landen said.
“Did she say anything about them before?” my father asked.
“No,” I answered. “She’s only referred to the medallion.”
“Have they shown you a power yet?” Rose asked
I looked into Landen’s waiting eyes. In the beginning, we’d thought that they were our protection - but looking back, knowing what we know now about our energy, it would be hard to say either way.
“Not clearly,” Landen said, breaking his stare with me and
glancing at my father and Rose.
My father turned to his side so he could see me more clearly. “I want to talk to you about the way you sleep,” he said sincerely.
I cautiously glanced in his direction. I thought they’d all gotten over the fact that Landen and I left our bodies at night.
“Alright,” I mumbled quietly, expecting a speech.
“I have a fear that you’re not sleeping,” my father said.
Landen leaned forward, hanging on my father’s every word. “What do you mean?” he asked.
My father put his arm around me.“When we sleep, to truly rest we must enter REM, a dream state. I think that you’ve gotten so good at entering mediation that some nights you don’t allow your body to enter the state of dreams. That may be why you’re so tired,” he concluded.
“How would I know the difference? Doesn’t meditation rest the body enough?” I argued, thinking he was spending way too much time worrying about my health.
He cleared his throat and looked at Rose for some kind of help. She smiled and nodded, telling him to explain it. As he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, I knew he was seeing me as his little girl again, not the woman I now was. “Meditation rests the body and calms the mind. If you don’t allow your mind to enter the dream state, you’re locking your subconscious in a vault, and all your struggles and hidden thoughts aren’t allowed to break through. Eventually, it will wage a war inside your mind, and you’re going to have to face what you’ve been through.”
I looked at Landen. Do you think I’m dreaming wrong? I asked.
I could see him taking in my father’s words, his concern growing. Maybe that’s why you don’t wake like I do, he thought. “You’re always waiting on me when we dream and when we wake,” he pointed out aloud, letting my father know he was more than likely right.
Even though I felt like they were too focused on me and that I was outnumbered, I was relieved that I had a reason that Landen had the emotions he had when we woke. They weren’t forecasting a dark future; they were the echoes of what he’d already been through.