“In the string right after you ran across the field.”
“So he’s safe?” she said, taking in a breath.
“I don’t know,” I said shortly.
“What?” she asked quietly, furrowing her eyebrows.
“He was just really short with everyone and refused to come home. Then...”
“Then what?” she asked.
“I was on a walk with my dad in Delen, and I saw him in an alley with a girl – I guess the one you were talking about. She took off, but I lost my temper...and I hurt him.”
“You hurt him?” she repeated, sitting up straighter while fighting off a defensive emotion.
“A few broken ribs,” I confessed, looking down.
“What caused that?” she asked, knowing I had to have had my reasons.
“I just didn’t like what I saw, what I felt. He said something about meetings, how she knew all the players and that you were safer here.”
Clarissa’s hands tightened around her blanket. “Could you see the back of her neck? Was there a birthmark that looked like a broken heart there?”
I let my eyes tell her no as they questioned her.
She just looked down. “I should have known the first time I saw that mark on her that she was evil. I don’t know why I didn’t go with my instincts, why I walked right into this and willingly gave her the man I love, like I wasn’t good enough for him. How did he feel about that woman?” she asked calmly.
I hesitated before I answered, wondering who this woman really was; if she was demon, where she came from, and what she wanted. I mean, if I were a demon, I would have targeted Drake or even Landen. I assumed Clarissa had just let her thoughts run wild and had somehow found a way to blame this seductive woman instead of me for her and Dane’s fight. I was OK with that; I didn’t want her to be mad at me, even if all of this was in some way my fault.
“Not the same way he feels about you; he tried to prove it by thinking of you in front of me. Something doesn’t feel right, though.”
“It doesn’t...we aren’t soul mates.”
“Clarissa,” I sighed, looking up at her.
She shook her head from side to side. “I don’t know him. I should be furious, beg you to tell me what you felt between them, chase after him – but I’m not. I don’t care to ever see him again. I’m more worried about telling my dad, my brothers.”
“He’s afraid of that, too. He begged me not to, told me that they’d disown him – disown you.”
She shook her head. “They’ll be mad, but they won’t disown anyone; they’ll just send him away. Mom told me to just take one breath at a time. She told me to rest, then go and find him because she thinks if I let him stay out of sight, I’ll forget about him. I hope she’s right because I can’t think about him anymore or try to understand why or how he changed so fast – or if he even changed at all, if I was just blind. I had to be wrong, Willow, because if I was right it wouldn’t have mattered how seductive that girl was or what mark she had on her. If he loved me, he wouldn’t have been able to carry out any act that real.”
“I know my best friend loves you, and if I were you, I’d fight; hold your ground, but fight.”
“My ground is in Chara. If he wants me, then that’s where he’s gonna have to come – and according to him, he can’t breathe here; that alone should tell me that we aren’t meant to be.”
“Not everyone comes home to Chara,” I said, reminding her that some couples stay where they find each other.
She nodded. “But they don’t choose to go to a demented dimension either. If he wanted to stay in Franklin, that would be different. He doesn’t care to be anywhere but Esterious.”
I leaned back into the couch and stared forward. “I didn’t feel anything from that woman, and that isn’t a good sign. For some reason, what I feel around him seems to turn on and off at will. Landen even noticed, and he asked me why I didn’t see his intent earlier today.” I looked to my side at her. “What if they’ve done something to him? What if he’s lost under some spell?”
She shook her head. “I’ve already thought of that. He was acting strange long before I found that woman; he actually became more balanced when she came around. Maybe you can’t feel him because you’re overstimulated.”
“I don’t know. I’ll figure it out, though,” I assured, looking at her.
“Don’t worry about us; worry about these meetings. Whoever’s in Delen, I came here to tell Landen about them.”
“Dane told him. Drake said it’s normal because of the winter solstice, but the people in Esterious, are wrong about the date. We’ve altered the time by stopping it so many times, so whatever they do will be on the wrong day.”
“Don’t underestimate these people. I’ve seen dark, twisted things before, but never anything like this. I have no idea how Drake and Beth stay sane.”
“They’re in the palace, away from it all.”
I saw headlights flash across the front window. I thought Landen was back, but then I realized it was Felicity. She was alone.
Clarissa tensed at my side.
“It’s not Landen,” I said quietly.
“Brady?” she asked, not finding much comfort.
“Felicity.”
She relaxed and took a breath.
“I’ll tell him for you. I’ll even tell Brady.”
She nodded, not finding much comfort in my promise.
Felicity walked in the front door and immediately glanced to the living room to where we were. She was carrying a small basket, and I could smell the home cooked meal coming from it.
“You’re missing three little people,” I noted, trying to smile.
She nodded and walked over to us, sitting on the table in front of the couch. “It’s past their bedtime. Aubrey has Allie, and I wanted to make sure the two of you ate.”
“Perfect mother figure,” Clarissa mocked under her breath with a tone that was laced in envy.
Felicity smiled slightly. “Are we out of tears yet?” she asked, glancing at Clarissa. I had the impression that Felicity had been with her most of the day.
“No, but it hurts to cry; my eyes are burning.”
Felicity started to pull the wrapped plates out of her basket. “I’m not hungry,” Clarissa muttered quietly.
“Yes, you are. Besides, I know you missed my cooking. It’ll make you feel better; eat just a little bit.”
Clarissa took her plate and adjusted herself so she could eat it. I wanted to argue that I wasn’t hungry either, but I knew it would be pointless and followed Clarissa’s lead.
Felicity leaned back on her arms and didn’t say anything until we were almost done. “I worry about the two of you,” she said quietly.
I refused to look at her.
“Do you want to know why Olivia got that tattoo?” Felicity asked, leaning forward, physically expressing her disappointment in me.
I put my plate down beside me. “To be a martyr,” I said shortly. “Sorry,” I murmured, regretting the sting in my words.
Felicity tilted her head as she raised one eyebrow and set the intent to put me in my place. “She had a dream. She dreamed of her mom, who told her to get the tattoo so you wouldn’t kill her.”
“What?!” I said, sitting up, completely awestruck. Olivia’s mom had died years ago. She never talked about her, not once; it hurt her too bad. I felt horrible, sick to my stomach.
“She said when she had a dream that it showed her her home in Franklin. She was in her room in her mom’s house, but she wasn’t little; she was the age she is now. Music was blaring, and she was rocking back and forth to it, then her mom came in. She thought she was in trouble because she had it too loud. Her mom told her that she was late, that she had an appointment to get a tattoo, then she handed her a sketch of your tattoo. She said she argued with her and told her that it was yours, and her mom said that she knew that but that she had to have it, too, so you would know she was real and wouldn’t kill her by mistake.”
r /> “Why would I kill her?” I said breathlessly as my heart started to race. “I could never kill any -“ I stopped myself as I realized how easily I’d struck Dane; if I forced something like that on someone as small as Olivia, I knew the damage would be far worse.
“She said her mom was urgent, didn’t give her a choice, then she went to her stereo, turned up the song, and said, ‘Find this song, and you will see.’”
“What song?” I asked, edging closer to the edge of the couch.
Felicity moved her head from side to side. “She doesn’t know. She said she recognized the voice, but not the song. She sat in meditation for the rest of the night, trying to remember who sang it or the words, but she said all she could hear was the guitar. Chrispin begged her to get the tattoo. He told her that you’ve been too calm, that you’d erupt one day, and he wanted to make sure you knew not to hurt her – that you knew she was Olivia.”
“I may look calm, but I’m not; my thoughts spin, and I don’t have half the control you think I do - so why would a tattoo stop me if I was full of rage? What would cause us to reach that point?”
“I don’t know,” Felicity said quietly.
Clarissa leaned closer to me and took my hand.
“’...and you will see,’” I repeated, trying to understand the dream.
They both nodded as if to confirm.
“Why didn’t she just say something, find a different way to tell me?”
I thought back over the argument I had with her, trying to remember if I’d given her the chance to.
“She knew you’d see it in a different way, and she thought if she provoked you that she could get you to release some of your anger in a controlled environment. She just thought she’d be able to make you listen to her before you took off.”
“I’m learning to listen. It’s dangerous for her to have that tattoo; me killing her is nothing compared to whatever the spies that are in Delen would do. I saw a martyr, and it made me mad. My biggest fear is losing this family, for it to be my fault.”
“You’re not gonna lose us, Willow,” Clarissa promised quietly, squeezing my hand.
I glanced to my side at her. “We’re already starting to break apart. I’ve sat here and watched your heart break, and I was the cause.”
“No, you’re not. This is between us. He can use whatever excuse he wants; don’t blame this on you.”
“I have to call her,” I said, standing.
Felicity caught my arm. “She’s gone. She went home to Franklin again – to find that song.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, sitting back down. “She didn’t go to Esterious?”
Felicity shook her head no.
Clarissa leaned forward and looked deep in my eyes. “I told Chrispin about the spies, how dangerous it was. He said she would cover the tattoo if she went out of the palace and that because of the dream, he wasn’t worried. He knew they were obviously gonna be there at the breaking point of a trial and that Olivia was safe because she had the tattoo.”
I wanted to give them a speech about how they all needed to stay away from Esterious, to let me do this on my own, but Olivia’s words echoed in my mind. It took all I had to listen and not tell them what I wanted them to do.
I felt Landen and Brady getting closer, then looked at Clarissa. “Brady just got back. Landen’s almost here, too,” I said as my heart began to beat rapidly. I had no idea how to tell any of this to Landen.
“Will you take me home – like now?” Clarissa asked Felicity.
“Stay at my house. Brady won’t say anything; I won’t let him. I don’t want you to be alone.”
She nodded. “Let’s go.”
I stacked my plate on Clarissa’s, and they were gone before I even had a chance to say goodbye.
I walked to the window to pull the drapes closed and saw Felicity’s car leaving. Brady had driven there, and Landen was talking to him. I pulled the drapes closed tight, trying to keep the heat in.
Every possible way I thought of to explain Dane to Landen led me down a dark road. I’d watched Landen slowly lose his patience over the last few months. I knew it wouldn't take much for him to snap, to let everything we’d been through finally explode in rage. I knew Dane would pay the price not only for what he did to Clarissa, but also for what we’d all been through, and right now I had to figure out how to keep him in my life; if I lost him, the others would surely follow one by one.
Chapter Nine
I paced back and forth in front of the fireplace, waiting for Landen. He must have felt my anticipation, my dread, because he ended his conversation with Brady abruptly and came in. I stopped my pace and locked eyes with him once he reached the living room doorway. He walked casually to the couch, moved the blanket Clarissa had been hiding under, and took a seat. He tilted his head, holding a placid expression. “Are you ready to tell me?” he asked.
My eyes told him no as I felt my heart race. He’d always given the impression that beyond me, his family is one of the most precious things in this life to him. I knew he’d developed a distant opinion of Dane; I knew if Dane had just left me alone that night we moved the wall and not tried to take me away, this would be so much easier. Landen had told me that he didn’t think we could completely trust anyone, that the devil could use anyone to come between us. I didn’t believe that. I didn’t believe in the memories that Drake had of Dane being a dark person, hurting me.
He reached his arm out for me to come to him. I walked slowly, keeping my head down, avoiding his eyes. I sat on the table in front of him, and he leaned forward. “I thought we were holding our head high now?” he said quietly as his fingertips reached out to encourage my chin to rise.
I caught his concerned stare, the piercing deep blue. “I don’t know how to explain it...I don’t want you to think I left something out or made it seem less or more than it is.”
He reached for my hands and held them tenderly in his. “Feel the emotion again. See it in your mind, and you won’t have to say a word; I’ll see it through your eyes,” he said quietly.
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and squeezed his hands, then remembered the emotion I first felt, the seductive, heart-racing desire; I let my mind play out what I saw, what he said and what I did.
I felt an anger so strong that it was near rage rise inside Landen. I pulled my hands away before I showed him what he said to me and Drake in the hallway.
Landen stood abruptly. “I’m gonna kill him!” he bellowed, charging toward the door. As he opened it, I slammed it shut with a glance. I was furious that he didn’t even try to understand that something was wrong with Dane, that he’d been possessed, or at least brainwashed.
He bowed his chest out. “You’re gonna have to control that; you’re becoming dangerous.”
“Me?! You’re the one that said you were leaving to kill someone,” I retorted as I stood and folded my arms across my chest, prepared to fight this out.
“Figuratively, Willow. Figuratively,” he said shortly.
“I can feel you; you’re mad enough to hurt him, and I’ve done enough damage to him today.”
He briskly walked toward me, seething with rage. “No one – and I mean no one - talks to you that way. List? What list did he want you to add him to? I’m sick of his remarks about you - Drake!”
“That’s what you’re mad about? That he found it odd that I hadn’t felt emotions like that? Did that insult you? I thought you were mad about your sister? I guess you have a one-track mind.”
“Me?!” he said, pointing at his chest. “You’re the one who thinks that you can hide your emotions from me – who thinks that I can’t feel the desire building inside of you!”
“Desire?! This was your idea! ‘Give him your power, Willow. Let’s move the wall’!” I yelled.
“My idea?! Think again, Willow. I stopped time and sent you to talk this out with him because my heritage, my blood, told me that soul mates couldn’t be divided. I wanted you to find peace with him so we
could move on and focus on what really matters – and what did you do?! You let him inside; you let his energy into your soul. How long did it take, Willow? Did you even think of me as you let that happen? Did you even care that I was in the same building - that hours before I’d watched you die? Did you?!”
The wind was knocked out of me, and I was speechless for a second as I replayed what had happened during Venus, as well as every move I’d made.
“You’re all I ever think about. I don’t get it - why you’re both here.”
“Oh, so one of us needs to go - is that what you think?”
“Stop putting words in my mouth! I didn’t say that. I hate that he has memories of me, that I can’t remember them, and that I can’t argue with him about our past. Was it a mistake to let him try to prove that he’d loved me? Yes! Hell yes it was! But you never once showed me any reason to believe that I’d made a mistake. In fact, you encouraged that act to happen again - and where I come from, they call that a hypocrite!”
“I didn’t show any emotion that would give you doubt because if I ever push you - if I ever try to steer you away from the gates of Hell - you’re taken from me! I’d rather live in misery and know that you’re safe than walk away from you.”
“The only thing that’s gonna break us apart is each other; you’re pushing down just as many emotions as I am!”
“Yeah, well I’m the one with no choice.” His blazing blue eyes rushed over my face. “Now the three of us are connected - in this until the end.”
“You think I don’t know that?!” I bellowed. “That I have a choice? That I can’t see the building rage inside of you? That I haven’t noticed how you lose your temper faster than ever before? What would happen if you did feel what I’m hiding - where would we be then, Landen?! I love you, I always have - but I have to understand why he’s here. I have to find her; when I do, all this tension will leave.”
“It’ll leave?” he said, raising his eyebrows, clearly mocking me. “There’s a switch? When some phantom girl arrives, you’ll no longer lust after him?”
“Lust?!”
“Yes, lust. I basically begged you to just run away with me today, just take a breath - but no, you wanted to go to Esterious...to see him.”