I nodded and looked down. I then felt Landen and Beth approaching and took in a deep breath as I turned to wait for them.
Beth hugged me before she went to Drake’s side to be led through the passage.
Landen took my hand as he looked at Drake. “I’ll find you tomorrow so we can plan our next move. I think I want to look into Olivia’s dream; there are others that may be able to help us.”
Drake looked at him curiously. “Who?”
“Not sure yet. Apparently, they can see everything that’s led a soul to the point it’s at. They see darkness and light, and they’re helping the damned – lost souls whose lives have ended.”
Drake looked at me and smirked. “Sounds like people that could clear a lot of things up.”
Anger engulfed me as I stepped forward, prepared to argue my point. I felt Landen’s arms go around my waist.
“Let it go...”
I fell back into his arms and watched Drake turn to leave, guiding both Beth and Alamos through the opening of the string.
Is everyone OK? I thought, turning to look up at him.
“No one on the ship with your followers was hurt. The captains’ children are safe. It’s hard to know if anyone from the island survived. Everyone is in fear that there are some that made it to the shore; there are rumors that the ship of your followers was only a small portion of who was taken.”
“Where are the others?” I asked in a furious tone.
Landen pulled me closer to him. “All we have are rumors now. Drake will help us figure that out. We’ll even go there if you want, but right now I want to go home.”
“Let’s go,” I said quietly.
Chapter Eighteen
After we’d both had hot showers, Landen and I laid side by side in our bed. We hadn’t said much since we left Esterious. I kept mulling over the time I was with Aella and Nathaniel, the things they said – trying to understand if it was a dream or reality. I wanted to talk about it, but I was too afraid it would cause us to fight. Landen rolled to his side and traced my emerald green eyes.
“Will you dream with me?” he asked quietly.
Dawn was just hours away, but I wasn’t tired; my mind was spinning out of control. I knew Landen was exhausted, and if I wanted him to understand what I’d seen, he would need to rest first. I nodded and closed my eyes.
Our place, he thought as his fingertips traced my cheekbone.
It took me a few minutes to find a calm mind, but it finally came, and when I opened my eyes I was standing on the hilltop that looked over the gentle waterfall I loved so much – the place where I’d met Landen every night of my childhood.
He wasn’t there yet; I felt his distant intent to make sure I was asleep before he let himself come. I sat down on the hilltop and waited for him; a moment later, he appeared at my side, then sat down and pulled me to him.
Let’s work this out together, he thought as he interweaved his fingers through mine.
I moved my head from side to side. I don’t even know how to explain it...it was real to me; that’s all I know.
Just show me...you know I feel your truth.
I looked up into his crystal blue eyes and smiled slightly as I felt his understanding, his desire to find the one I believed was real.
I looked down at our hands, then reached for his other hand. I turned to face him and held his stare, letting the emotion I felt as I remembered our fight flow through my hands. I let each step play out: the force that knocked me from my feet in the string, my daring escape through the wall, the butterflies, the first time I saw Nathaniel, the flower– how it took my pain. Then I let my memory see Aella again. I remembered finding a peace with her, with that image the night we destroyed the looking glass – with the way Drake made me feel.
Every emotion I felt was mirrored by Landen. I felt his anger, frustration, and jealousy, then I felt his understanding. I let my memory carry me all the way through the last argument I had with Drake. Though I’d conquered so much that night, I felt like I was in the same place, utterly devoted to Landen - and painfully attached to Drake in some distant past.
Landen leaned in to kiss my lips. As he pulled away, he held my gaze.
When I was really young, maybe eight or nine, I tried to understand our dreams...I wanted to find you then. Each time my dad or August would lead me in the string, I'd search for a beacon. I even ran away a few times, he thought as he smiled impishly.
He looked to the waterfall, then back at me. August could see my struggle more than anyone else. One day, I refused to wake. I'd only seen you for a moment, and you were scared - just like you were every few weeks. I wanted to stop it, to fight whatever it was – but at the same time, I had no idea if you were really real, what was going on inside of me, what my mind was trying to tell me.
August came to my room and pulled the drapes closed, blocking the sun, then laid down beside me. I told him about you, about how scared you were. I assumed he'd tell me you weren't real, that it was just a dream, but instead he told me that our dreams show us what's to come. That every day, all day, the universe is speaking, and a part of us - our subconscious - is listening. That when we dream, we unravel the message so that when the time comes, we'll be prepared.
I looked down. It was more than a dream...it was just as real as this is now.
He gently pulled my chin up so I’d have to look into his eyes. Then she’s real.
No one else is gonna believe me...Drake doesn’t.
I can see both sides of this. If you were to show anyone else what happened, they'd tell you that your mind used what it needed to make you understand. Preston told you that you wouldn't be alone. I mentioned that he'd grown attached to you, so it makes sense that you saw him,- an older version, one that seemed stronger - ready to fight. You've struggled with the night we destroyed that looking glass since the moment it happened; in this dream, you fought that emotion - you fought with her when you first saw her. Throughout that entire dream, all you could think about was how this girl was going to solve all your problems – even when Nathaniel told you that there were no endings, only new beginnings, and that finding this girl would be a marked moment, but not the end of our battle. You didn’t care; all you wanted was peace for him.
They would say that this power to move the atmosphere has always belonged to you, that you simply had to calm your mind to find it. While your soul was learning the insight, it allowed you to put the demons of your past to sleep...it allowed you to become focused and determined.
I looked out at the waterfall, then back at him. Do you think it's childish for me to want to find her? That I'm creating an issue so I don’t have to face what we're really up against - this demon?
He smiled slightly as his strong arms pulled me closer. The desire to find this girl is on fire in your soul. It has to be there for a reason. I don’t think you know what it is...we may not know for a while. All I know is that if it wasn’t important, you would have left the idea behind long ago.
You think we need this girl – to beat this demon?
His thoughts hesitated as his blue eyes cascaded over me. I knew he was untangling all that had happened to us, trying to understand the connection between us and all those around us. Perodine never says anything without reason. I just hope we find the good one and aren't fooled by the bad one she mentioned. I’m sure in the end this insanity will make sense.
I stared back at him, imagining that if we did find the wrong girl first, that she’d tempt or blind Landen. Jealousy and rage consumed me as I realized I’d pay the price of Karma and that everything I’d put Landen though would come back to me twofold. As he felt the emotions, his hands tightened around mine, and I felt his undying devotion as his eyes met mine. Even in our most heated fights, when doubt threatens me, I feel this from you. I know how you really feel; promise me you feel this, too, that I’m loving you fiercely enough for you to feel this in the darkest hour.
I do, I thought tenderly. I just dread the darkest hour
. I knew for sure that Aella was the right girl, not a demon - but now I’m sure it was a dream, and dread is taking over the relief I had.
I have no doubt that there was truth in that dream, that in some way it was real, a foretelling of good to come, Landen promised.
Utopia, I thought, shaking my head. It was just a dream...that name seems so ordinary.
It’s what we're all searching for, Landen thought as his eyes moved all around us.
Have you forgiven Dane? Do you see that it was never him in our past that brought me harm?
His thoughts were silent for a moment as he tried to find a way to answer me. I want to tell you that you had to find a way to believe that Dane could never have been bad, but I really don’t know what to say. I think we're too close to it right now; honestly, it's hard to trust anyone beyond you.
You still think Dane was bad in our past lives? That he wasn't possessed?
I don’t know. Drake has no doubt that Dane hurt you somewhere in the past. I did feel an understanding come from him when we were healing Dane, but I don’t know if he was considering that he'd been possessed before or if he realized that in this life Dane’s intentions were pure...I guess we'll have to ask him.
You mean you, in one of those quiet conversations the two of you have without me – about me.
His eyes filled with sorrow as he stared into my soul. I’m sorry if that hurt you. I didn’t know how to tell you that Dane was gone, possessed – to tell you that I could feel a darkness all around him. I was only asking Drake if you were in danger, asking him to tell me what happened before so I could protect you. I don’t ever want you to feel outnumbered.
I moved closer to him. As we lay back in the green grass, I laid in his arms and traced his perfect blue eyes. Well, at least this trial gave me a glimpse of who you were before we found each other, I thought as a sly smile came to the corners of my lips.
His eyes questioned me. I understand you were a bit reckless, that you became calm when we came together - and now you're balancing out a bit.
August? he questioned.
No...Chrispin.
He laughed silently. I wasn’t that wild; I just felt invincible at times, and I knew that no matter what, when I closed my eyes you'd be there. When I found you, I was afraid I could lose you, so I slowed down and let myself fall deeper in love with you. I didn’t want to scare you, for you to think the life of a traveler was dangerous.
It scared me when you kept getting so mad, when you woke the way you did...I swear I could see Drake in you...I don’t want that; you're too pure for the emotions I see in his eyes.
His strong hand caressed the side of my face. I’m sure those reactions when I wake are coming from healing him, from us sharing our energy - even from me dealing with all that we've been through - but I’m not perfect, Willow. I'll stop at nothing to protect you, to always hold your heart. As this gets harder and harder, you may see my dark, defiant side come out, but this is the me I want you to feel when you look into my eyes. No one else has ever seen this side of me...it belongs to you for all eternity.
We laid in silence for a moment, then I thought, It's just insane how powerful the mind is. That place felt so real...looking back, I can see the mark of a dream around what happened - but it still felt real, powerful.
He pulled himself up on one arm and leaned over me. His finger pulled down the neckline of my gown, and a smile came across his face. Powerful enough to leave this here.
I looked down in shock; in the gleam of the sun, I could see the sparkling outline of the flower across my chest, covering what was once a scar.
Well, at least that looks better than the scar...
Landen let his hand slowly move into my soul; as our energy combined, I felt an undeniable confidence and love between us. We stayed in our dream well into the day.
I woke before Landen on purpose. As I moved to the edge of the bed, a second later - and right on cue - his body tensed and he rose abruptly. I caught him in my arms and squeezed him as tightly as I could, sending all the bliss and calm he’d given me throughout the night back to him. I felt his arms tighten around me. “See,” he said breathlessly. “That wasn’t as bad as before.”
I didn’t believe him, but I kept my hold on him as he swayed us from side to side.
I felt the eager intent of Olivia to leave for Infante; she was more determined than ever to understand the dream she had of her mother. I leaned back to catch Landen’s stare.
He let out a calm breath and smiled slightly at me. “I’ll call them and tell them we’ll go, too. I want to look for Austin first, meet those people he was talking about...I have this weird feeling that somehow this all connects.”
“Me, too,” I said as my legs fell to the side of the bed. Out of nowhere, flashes of twins came to me – male twins. They were young men, captivating young men. As I peered into this elusive, uncalled for vision, I recognized the twins - or at least one of them; it was the one holding Charlie, the one with the hypnotic voice. My heart started to race, and my eyes grew wide as I tried to piece it all together.
“What?” Landen asked, climbing out of the bed and kneeling before me so he could see more clearly. He couldn’t understand why my emotions were out of control.
“I know who the twins are, the male twins...we have to find Austin - like now.”
“What’s going on?” Landen asked.
I shook my head from side to side as I fought with the outrageous feeling that I needed Charlie in my life. I needed all of them...there was something...a warning, a solution...I just couldn’t put my finger on it. “Preston showed me the people Austin knew, the ones he met here. He showed me the girl and the boy – the boy is a twin.”
“How do you know?” he asked, filling with an odd mix of excitement and fear.
“I don’t know,” I said breathlessly. “I feel it.”
“Show me your emotions...show me what Preston showed you,” Landen said as he gripped my hands.
I closed my eyes and tried to recall everything that Preston had showed me: those girls in the field, Charlie and the one I couldn’t see, the image behind them of Landen wrapped in grief, Charlie going to Esterious, her in the arms of that musician, the passion between them, his voice. When I was sure I’d remembered every emotion, I opened my eyes to see Landen staring at me in disbelief.
“Did you see it? Did you see Charlie?”
Landen slowly stood and looked to our balcony. “I saw both of them,” he muttered.
I didn’t know if he was talking about that boy and his twin, or perhaps him holding Charlie - but it was clear that Landen was having a hard time grasping what he saw and felt.
“Who was that other girl with Charlie? Did Preston say?” he asked as he began to pace.
“He didn’t say. I couldn’t see her.”
He stopped his pacing and looked at me. “You didn’t see her?”
I looked at him like he was crazy. “The sun was blocking her.”
Landen furrowed his eyebrows and muttered, “Preston” as he began to get dressed.
“Is she bad?” I asked as I tried to judge Landen’s emotions, which were running in every direction.
He shook his head no. “She was terrified...terrified of her fate.”
“Why?” I asked as I stood, prepared to help this girl.
“Because it’s wrapped around ours – and she knows that,” Landen said as he pulled his shoes on. “I need to find Austin, Preston...we need to get to Infante, to convince them to go to Perodine so we can figure this out. Get ready, K?” he said as he leaned down and kissed my lips before leaving the room.
I sat, paralyzed, trying not only to control my emotions, but also his. I thought of Charlie’s innocent face; it reminded me of myself a few months ago. I was about to charge into her life and tell them about the demon I’d fought, and I could only hope she proved to be more balanced with the idea than I was. I told myself she had to be, that she was already fighting something and that toget
her we’d be strong.
My stomach was tying itself in knots, and I felt weak with anxiety. I could see the room grow dim; the sun outside had faded. I focused, controlled my anxiety. As I fought not to push it down, at that moment the sun resumed and a smile filled my face.
I started to get dressed. As I pulled my jeans on, I felt Dane getting closer to the house, and I smiled as I felt the familiar emotion of his soul. I was eager to leave for Infante, but I wanted to make sure he was OK before I left.
As I finished getting dressed, I reached out my sense of emotion to see who had come home. I felt everyone with the exception of August and Nyla, but I wasn’t surprised that I didn’t find them there; I had no doubt that August was eagerly trying to understanding what was coming at us now.
When I reached the bottom of the steps, I found Landen and Dane talking casually. As Landen looked up at me, his blues eyes sparkled, reflecting the joy he had at that moment; it was like he had a huge surprise for me, like he couldn’t wait to find Charlie. I couldn't understand where that was coming from.
“Chrispin and Olivia left for Infante. I told them we’d meet them there soon,” Landen said to me as he tried to subside his uncalled for excitement.
“Did you find Austin?”
“No. He’s traveling, but I have a pretty good idea where he is. Maybe we can go there, too; I might just be able to find out who they are by going to a few of the houses he stays at in Infante. I’m sure he has their name written down somewhere.”
“What about Preston? Did you ask him?”
“Yeah. He said it was time for our worlds to collide – whatever that means,” Landen said, raising his eyebrows slightly, like he was giving me a clue to his odd emotion.
Dane looked back and forth between us, trying to understand what was going on. “We’re going to Infante?”
Landen nodded. “Maybe you should rest more first, spend time with Clarissa.”
Dane smiled. “Gladly.”
Landen smirked. “Alright, I’m going to get Brady. He said that Marc and Stella went to check on the looking glass, and he wants to go with us. I’ll be right back,” Landen said as he walked toward the porch.