He then shifted, and Drake appeared. The absence of his emotion was nothing new, but the coldness I could see in his eyes made me feel empty, worthless. Tears began to stream down my face. I tried to speak, but my voice was gone. As I screamed words that had no sound, panic swept through me.
Drake shifted, then Dane appeared. I could feel him; his emotion was the same as it had been throughout our childhood. Feeling safe and protected, I tried to step forward into his waiting arms, but I was held back. I looked to my side and found Landen holding one arm, with Drake at my other side. They both still held the same vacant expression. I couldn’t understand what was happening, why they were being so mean. I tried to argue, but my voice was absent. I struggled against them, only to find my efforts to be in vain.
Dane glared back at them, and then the hostility around me started to vibrate my soul. Suddenly, Dane’s image crumbled, and behind him was Clarissa; as she appeared, she also crumbled. One by one, everyone I loved appeared and then fell apart. It was as if I had to watch as each one of them was stripped from my life.
With rage boiling in my soul, I pulled and screamed my way loose from Landen and Drake’s hold on me, finally waking. The dream had been so violent that I’d fallen off the couch and was lying on the floor, tangled in my blanket. I was breathless and angry. I sat up slowly, feeling a pain in my neck and a dizzy sensation. I glanced to my side and could see that the table in front of the couch had shifted; I wondered if I’d somehow hit it. I reached back and tried to massage the pain away, but it hurt to touch my skin. As the dream replayed in my mind, I found myself furious with Landen and Drake. Why would they hold me back like that? Where was my voice? Where were my strengths, my insights? I didn’t know what the dream meant or how to understand it. I’ve had a lot of nightmares in my life, but I would dare say that that one was the worst. I’d rather feel the agony of the weight on my chest and help a lost stranger than see my family crumbling before me – not to mention the absence in Landen’s eyes.
I furrowed my eyebrows, determined to forget any ideas about me dreaming. They were wrong; I wasn’t going to change the way I slept, and that was final.
The room itself seemed to be closing in around me. I stood, gradually fighting the dizzy sensation swarming inside of me, then walked slowly to the front door, wanting air.
The cool air shocked me out of the daze of my dream. I leaned against the rail, trying to catch my breath, to bury the emotions the dream had stirred. As my butterfly friends drifted closer to me, I focused on a white one closest to me as it rested on the rail beside my hand. As its wings fanned the air, my eyes followed. A moment later, I found my breath again.
In the distance, I felt the emotion of anger; I also felt pain, a heart breaking. Frantically, my eyes shot to the field in front of my house, where I could see Clarissa running from the passage. I anxiously looked around her for Dane, but he was nowhere in sight. Clarissa wasn’t running to me; she was running toward her mother’s house. Instantly, I knew something was horribly wrong, and I took off in a sprint, trying to catch her.
“Clarissa, stop!” I screamed as I closed the gap between us. The closer I got to her, the stronger her emotions were. A sick feeling began to consume me. I thought something had happened to Dane. I would never be able to forgive myself for sending him away from me.
She stopped when she heard my voice, then leaned forward and braced her arms on her legs, struggling to catch her breath. When I reached her, I put my hands on her shoulders and pulled her up, forcing her to look at me. Her face was drenched with tears, and her eyes were red and swollen.
“Who did this? What happened?” I asked, horrified.
As she breathed out, she stood up straighter and wiped her face dry. She then glared into my eyes and said, “Dane, he did this - and right now you’re the last person I want to talk to.”
She pushed past me, but I turned and grabbed her shoulder, forcing her to face me. “What is going on – what did I do to you?!”
She swallowed hard and looked down. “We haven’t stopped fighting since we left you.” Her eyes filled with the disgust I could feel inside her. “All he talks about is you.”
“Clarissa, I’m sure it’s just stress. There’s no reason to fight. Maybe you do need a break – somewhere far from here.”
She shook her head no and glared back at me. “You don’t understand. It’s bad, Willow. I don’t even know who he is anymore!”
“Where is he?” I demanded, prepared to put Dane back in his place.
“In Esterious. He refuses to come home. He said this place was suffocating him, that he was his own man and that he wouldn’t stand by and watch them toy with you.”
“You’ve been in Esterious this entire time? Where?”
“Not in Delen. We were in Atamentous, the city you were in when you were trapped in Evelyn. He said he wanted to keep a close eye on Drake from there.”
“Watch Drake? Like his speeches? Why would you not just come home or at least to Delen? You’re as much a part of this as you want to be. Listen, I had to face that wall; if I didn’t, Delen would have been overrun by now. I didn’t want to fight with you or Dane; I just needed to help, and you didn’t understand what I was going through,” I argued.
She threw her hands up in the air. “I don’t care anymore. I thought I was supposed to help you, to stand at your side, but now it’s clear that I was just supposed to lead Dane here. I feel used, and it may not be right to be mad at you, to be jealous but I can’t help it. I’m done. I don’t care to ever see Esterious again. I can’t fight for a world that has ripped my soul in two.”
In the distance, I could see Brady’s Jeep getting closer to our house. Landen had already felt our emotions, and they’d changed course and were driving in our direction. I looked back at Clarissa and shook my head. I tried to push down my frustration, but I was sure it was projecting itself well in my tense demeanor.
“Listen, I never wanted you to fight for me. I never wanted Dane there. I begged you to keep him with you, but you sent him anyway. This is not my fault, this is not his fault - or even yours. It’s the demon’s - and you’re letting him win by tearing this family apart!”
“Letting him win?!” she screamed. “You don’t even know how I feel.”
I looked at her like she was crazy; if anyone knew, I knew how she felt.
She shook her head in disgust. “You may feel my emotions, but you don’t hear my thoughts. You haven’t heard the conversations Dane has had with me. If this was you and Landen, you would’ve walked away long ago. I’m sure you would have been in Drake’s arms by now.”
I couldn’t stop the rage I felt. Without warning, I pushed her energy away, sending her to the ground. Landen and Brady pulled up at that moment. Clarissa stood and tried to push me back, but I blocked her with my own energy.
“How dare you say something like that?!” I screamed. “Maybe you’re right; you don’t need to be with him because if you did love him, it wouldn’t matter what he said or did; you would be at his side - not running away like a coward!”
Landen cautiously stepped between us and tried to break my stare with Clarissa, but my eyes dodged around him, trying to see her, prepared to defend myself with words or strength - whichever was needed.
Willow, look at me! Look at me! Landen thought.
I looked up at him with eyes full of rage.
What happened?! he thought
“She’s possessed!” I screamed aloud, not caring how insane it sounded.
“Me?!” she screamed. “You’re possessed! Dane told me you let Drake’s energy inside of you - you call that being faithful?! I call that having your cake and eating it, too. Do you even care, Landen? Or does she have you brainwashed like the rest of this family?!”
Landen abruptly turned around and glared at Clarissa. Brady stood speechless, trying to hold her back. The act of sharing my energy with Drake was an open wound that Landen and I avoided at all costs, and she’d just ripped it o
pen, poured salt into it, and set it on fire.
How did he know that?! my thoughts screamed at Landen. I told you they’d find out...I told you I shouldn’t have, I thought as tears streamed from my eyes, begging Landen to forgive me with every ounce of remorse and regret I could feel.
Landen wrapped his arm around me and looked at Clarissa. “Leave. Now,” he said through a locked jaw as every muscle in his strong body tensed against mine.
“Whatever, Landen. Bringing Willow here was the worst decision this family has ever made. She’s gonna end up killing -”
Brady put his hand around Clarissa’s mouth, stopping her from going on. He then reached his hand out to stop me and Landen from saying or doing anything.
“I’m taking you to Mom,” Brady said, leading her to the open passenger door of his Jeep. Once he closed the door, he looked back at us and said, “I’ll get Jason to look her over. You know she didn’t mean it, right, Landen?”
Landen held his glare with Clarissa and pulled me closer to him. “She crossed the line, Brady.”
Brady nodded, knowing that with the mood that Landen was in, asking for forgiveness was dangerous. As he walked to the driver’s side of his Jeep, I dared to look at Clarissa; she had her head buried in her hands, and she was crying uncontrollably. I hated myself at that moment; this was my fault. I shouldn’t have told Dane to leave, shouldn’t have agreed to give my energy to Drake...there had to have been a better way to end that last trial.
As they drove away, Landen let some of the strain in his body release as he caught my stare. “What just happened? Where’s Dane?” he questioned.
“I saw her running through the field. She said they’ve been in Aste...I don’t know what the name of the city was she said it was where I was held...where Drake stays.”
“Atamentous,” he corrected. “Why?”
“I don’t know. She said he was crazy; always talking about me. You have to take me there. I have to figure this out.”
He hesitated as he glanced toward our house, then back to me. “Obviously, trying to stop you from what you want to do is a guarantee that something will tear you away from me again,” he furrowed his eyebrows as the blue in his eyes grew darker, “so I’m not gonna do that. I am gonna ask you to think about it first, though. That’s the city where all of your followers are coming from. We made an alliance with Drake against our family and our better judgment; going in there and showing your face will do nothing but make our alliance null and void. If that’s what you want, I’ll lead the way.”
Something was odd in his tone, something that had never been directed at me before: sarcasm, distance. He’d spoken to his father that way, to his brothers, most definitely Drake - but never me.
I knew he felt paralyzed, like a puppet. He had no idea what to do when I wanted to do something that was clearly foolish or dangerous. Stopping me would separate us, letting me go would separate us; he had every right to feel disdain.
My eyes rushed over his serious expression, taking in every emotion, his intent, the truth in his words; it was almost like he wanted it to end, like he’d grown tired of the Russian Roulette game we were playing with Drake.
I let out an uneasy breath, telling myself not to argue with him, not to make this even worse. “Right now, we have no other way. We can’t undo this. I’m sure Dane will show up,” I said as my heart raced. I swear I could feel a fight on the horizon, one that would make the fights we had in the past humble in shame; we were both ignoring too much, pushing too much down.
As he reached for my waist and pulled me against him, I felt his hand gently rest on the back of my head.
“How did Dane know about Drake?” I whispered. A nauseating feeling coursed through me as I dared to talk about those moments with him.
“I don’t think he did,” Landen promised, letting his hand fall from me. “She didn’t believe her words when she said them.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to fight angry tears.
Landen put his hands on either side of my face. “Listen to me. You give him strength so he can protect you – not just you, but the entire world. If anyone is too small minded to see that, then so be it. We’re gonna do what we think is right - not what we’re told. I don’t care what anyone thinks, and neither should you.”
There was a slight lie between his words; he didn’t care what anyone thought, that was the truth, but he wasn’t completely OK with it either...the hint of jealously told me that.
“I don’t care what they think, at least not as much as I care about how you feel. I gave him something that only belongs to you,” I uttered, wanting to put this behind us.
“To save me, you...others. It was a test, baby, and it’s not over; the universe is testing our love, and we’re gonna pass.” He looked deeply into my eyes. “We’re fine.”
I heard the lie again and had to look away from him. “Right,” I said under my breath.
I reached for my shoulder, feeling the pain of the fall I must have had when I slept.
“What’s wrong? Did she hurt you?”Landen asked as rage engulfed him.
“No. I think I hit the table when I fell off the couch.”
“Fell? What? How?”
“I was dreaming. I had a nightmare, and I woke up on the floor.”
“A nightmare?” he raged, clearly shocked. He turned me so he could see my neck.
“Not the one with the weight; just one that showed everyone being stripped away, and all that was left was you and Drake – and both of you were so cold,” I answered, recalling the emotions I felt in the dream.
Landen felt them and turned me so I’d have to look him in the eye. “It’s just a dream, a product of your deepest fears. I would never be cold to you – I love you too much.” His eyes fell into mine, somewhere deep in my soul. “I’m not gonna lie; there may come a time when we’ll have to walk away from everyone – just for a short while, to protect them. I fear that, too, but I know if that time comes, it’ll be our only option.”
“Walking away to protect them is one thing; having them stripped from my life is another,” I said under my breath.
His eyes danced across my face as he chose his words carefully. “ I need you to stop seeing the dark side of everything. It’s gonna destroy you if you don’t find a way to control it.”
“Like you do? I need to control my emotions like you so I’ll be ‘fine’?”
He didn’t answer me; instead, he reached for my shoulder and looked into my eyes. I felt the hum of his energy seeping through my skin as his eyes turned a breathtaking light blue. In that instant, the pain was gone.
“Better?” he whispered
I nodded. He leaned down and let his soft lips touch mine. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him with all the passion I had in my soul, wishing I could go back and change all that I’d done wrong.
Chapter Three
Brady must have just dropped off Clarissa because it was no less than ten minutes before his Jeep appeared over the horizon. Marc was right behind him, and Landen waved in their direction to let them know that we weren’t at our house. He then took my hand and began to lead me to the passage that was a half-mile away from where we were standing.
“Did you guys get everything loaded?” I asked as we walked.
Landen nodded. “Dad and August left through the passage in town. There was more than enough to supply Delen for a few days.”
“Yeah, especially if there are no more coming,” I said under my breath.
“Bright side, Willow,” Landen commanded, quietly squeezing my hand.
I tried to smile as I mumbled, “Bright side.”
He reached his arm around me and pulled me closer. “See, it feels better to be happy, doesn’t it?” he teased, knowing I hadn’t changed my emotion. A grin spread across my face as I pulled him closer, enjoying the glimpse of who we were before all this began.
Brady and Marc were waiting for us at the passage. I could see Brady whispering to Marc, and I
could feel Marc’s confusion and anger toward Dane.
“Did you tell Jason to look at Clarissa?” Landen asked, ignoring their emotions.
Brady shook his head no. “Mom said he left to meet all of us in the string. She’s going to make her rest. I don’t think anything is wrong with her, but I do want to have a talk with Mr. Dane.”
Marc nodded in agreement with cold eyes.
“There are two sides to every story,” I said shortly.
“Right,” Marc said, “but someone decided not to come home so we could hear his.”
Landen’s eyes shot to Marc, then he tilted his head, silently telling Marc to end it. Marc seemed caught off guard by Landen, but Brady understood, and he looked at me. “Sorry, Willow. She’s our sister, and we’ve always been a bit protective of her.”
“Yeah, I get it, but he’s like a brother to me, and I know he didn’t mean any harm. It’s just stress,” I said, gripping Landen tighter.
Brady looked away from me, wanting to squash the argument. “It’s about that time,” he muttered, stepping to the opening of the passage with intent to guide the damned souls that Drake would deliver us in just a few minutes.
Marc nodded and followed. I looked up at Landen, dreading the moment we found Dane. As he laced his fingers through mine and pulled me into the passage, the disdain I felt within him told me that even though he was furious with Clarissa, he still held blame with Dane, like Brady and Marc obviously did.
There were several other travelers passing through the passages from Chara to Delen. Some were carrying food, and others were waiting to see if we needed help guiding anyone that Drake pushed through. I kept my eyes down. I’ve always felt guilty when others helped us; I thought that I had somehow disturbed their lives and that somewhere a soul mate was waiting to be discovered when the travelers found time to take the citizens of Chara to them. Landen had told me over and over that no one was waiting, that whenever someone asked to be taken, there was a traveler ready to lead them.