I felt Landen’s stare, him judging my every emotion. I was no longer listening to August; I was too busy thinking of what I could have thought in Esterious, what emotions Donalt was aware of, how he could use those to drive a wedge between me and Landen.
I took in a nervous breath, refusing to look at him as I went to call Stella. I tried calling Stella’s house, then Felicity’s, but there was no answer. Before I went down the list of names in our family, I went back to the living room.
“Do you know if she’s in Esterious?” I asked August.
He shook his head no. “She should be here. Did you check at Aubrey’s house?” he asked.
I looked at Landen. I didn’t want to call there; I knew there was a chance that Clarissa would answer, and I wasn’t ready to talk to her.
“Will you call there?” Landen asked August.
He looked at us both curiously. “Should I know something?”
Landen tilted his head and let his eyes show the agony he felt for what those two were going through. “Dane and Clarissa are fighting, and somehow we’ve managed to find ourselves in the middle. We just don’t want to make it worse.”
“Clarissa...your Taurus sister,” August commented dryly as he stood to call Aubrey’s house.
I looked at Landen, trying to see if he knew what that last comment meant, but he just shrugged his shoulders, then leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. I slowly walked to his side, and he felt me coming and opened his arms. As I stood in front of him, he pulled me closer, laying his head on my chest. I let my fingertips run through his dark locks of wavy hair, taking in his energy; though he was full of stress, anger, and frustration, I felt his devotion to me, and I focused on that, trying to tell him in my own way that no matter what we had to hold on to, neither of us could afford to doubt that emotion; not now, not ever.
His arms tightened around me, and he held me so tightly that it was hard to breathe.
I’d give anything for a second chance, one that would take all those bad emotions away, that would undo what you’ve endured because of me, I thought.
His arms loosened as his eyes met mine. Don’t ever say that.
My eyes questioned him.
The only way to undo anything is for us to have never loved each other, and that thought is more than I can handle. It’s hard enough having to work side by side with a man that clearly lusts after your heart, thinking that each moment might be our last.
I laced my fingers though his thick, dark hair as tears glassed over my eyes. I’m gonna find a way to make it right. I’m gonna find her, Landen, then he’ll never look at me like that again. We’ll end this war and fight the battle that’s at the core of this.
He ignored the remark about finding my twin, simply so I wouldn’t feel his doubt that she existed. I just don’t want us to be careless.
We’ll build this and act as if we only have one chance at this life; I promise, I thought.
As he tightened his arms around my waist once again, I felt his emotions find their way to grief, and I knew he was thinking about the time I’d taken my life. I sighed deeply and promised him with my intent that I’d never put him through such anguish again.
August came back into the living room. “She was there, and she’s on her way here. I told her to come alone, that we wanted to talk to her about her father.”
Landen slowly let go of me, and I sat down on the couch in front of him. August took a seat next to me and stretched out, feeling accomplished.
“What was that remark about Clarissa about?” Landen asked, not allowing August to keep that thought to himself.
“Well,” August said, pursing his lips, “the others have been searching for what’s to come with Mars, but we’ve all agreed that the trials will fall in the order of the planets’ orbit around the sun. The next planet is not Mars, it’s Earth – but because Earth is home and doesn’t hold any particular influence, we’ve moved passed that and are looking at Mars.”
“Wait,” I said, calling his attention to me, “we’re facing Earth – not Mars?”
August tilted his head and tried to find a way to explain his reasoning to me. “I agree with the others that Mars is the threat; yet, it seems that Earth has to have some kind of trial in order for it to fall under the theory of the orbit. My theory, and Perodine agrees, is that the trial that’s about to occur will serve as a catalyst to Mars; in a way, you’ll face Mars twice. That’s why I’m more determined than ever to find a way to protect you from anything that may lie ahead.”
“What does that have to do with Clarissa?” Landen asked, not satisfied with August’s answer to his original question.
“Remember how Pelhan and Aora told the others when we were trapped inside of Venus that you had a counsel? That there were members in your life that held the elements of earth, fire, water, and air, and that they’d be able to guide you through your trials? We are arguably facing Earth currently, and Clarissa represents Earth by her sun sign, Taurus. It just seems odd that you’re fighting with the one person you may need. If I were the devil, I would have taken her out of the equation, too.”
I could feel August’s intent; he was making no effort to hide it. He wanted me to apologize to her, to end this fight - but there was no way I was going to do that. She was cruel, to say the least. Beyond that, this wasn’t my fight; it was hers and Dane’s - and I refused to take sides.
Chapter Four
As Stella walked through my front door, a few butterflies followed her. She seemed fascinated with them. Stella was so new to Chara that any color would capture her attention for moments at a time. I found her childlike excitement refreshing; it always gave me hope that I could make a difference in the souls of Esterious. She sat down at the table next to Landen. In her hands, she carried a little black book that I recognized. When I first found myself inside Evelyn, her sister, a storm had destroyed every simple possession she’d owned.
In the rubble, a little boy had found that book and had the intent to take it from her. Even in the tragic state of Evelyn’s dying body, my insights led me to read him and stop him from taking it from her. Looking back, I still get angry with myself for forgetting who I was so easily. I know those moments alone with Drake gave him the hope that if Landen weren’t in my life, I would fall madly in love with him. The idea was nauseating - not Drake loving me, but losing Landen.
August smiled warmly at Stella. He hadn’t had the chance to really bond with her - in a way, they were almost strangers in his eyes - but in Stella’s mind, he was the angel her father thought he was. The conversation she overheard as a child gave her hope that one day she’d see the colors of Chara and feel the unconditional love of a soul mate.
“I hope we haven’t upset you by asking you to come here and talk about your family,” August said, sitting up straighter.
“Not at all. I love talking about my family. I know if I remember them, they’ll never really die,” Stella said, blushing slightly.
“I don’t mean to change the subject,” I blurted, “but were you with Clarissa? Has she calmed down at all?”
I could feel her remorse as she spoke. “One minute she’s crying, the next she’s destroying everything around her. I’ve never seen anything like it,” she murmured making a face.
I could only imagine what Clarissa’s emotional display looked like from Stella’s point of view. Loud voices or any display of emotion wasn’t allowed where she was raised. I gritted my teeth, knowing that this wasn’t an ordinary fight that couples have from time to time.
In the back of my mind, I started to question how it was possible for two people who loved each other that much to be so cruel to each other. I mean, I’ve seen couples fight in the world I grew up in, but I’ve never seen my parents fight like this before. Before today, I’d reasoned that those couples weren’t meant to be, that they weren’t soul mates; now I didn’t know what to think.
“She may have to go to him,” I admitted quietly, knowing how solid Dan
e’s intent was not to come here.
The emotion in the room shifted to sadness; none of us knew how to fix this problem for them.
August cleared his throat. “I was telling Landen and Willow about the conversation I had with your father at your home when you were just a girl. You remember me from that day, right?”
Stella nodded and smiled warmly, and August returned her smile. “That day, your father told me how his bloodline cared for something called a looking glass...did he ever speak to you about it? Is there anything from your memories as a child that could help me understand what he was saying?” he asked her.
She smiled and raised the book in her hands to show August. “Thanks to Willow, I can not only tell you, I can show you.”
Landen and August looked at me curiously.
“I...um...well, even though I’d lost my memory, I still had my insights. A boy wanted this book for himself, and I just implied that he return what was Stella’s to her,” I explained, bringing them up to speed.
“Wait,” August said, grinning. “Are you telling me that because of you, we have this book?”
I shook my head no, not seeing that my role deserved the excitement that August had at that moment.
“Yes,” Stella exclaimed, smiling. “This was pulled from the rubble of that storm by that boy; he would have kept it for himself if not for you. It’s the only thing I have from my life back then.”
August’s excitement rose. “What’s in the book?” he asked, reaching for it.
Stella gladly handed it to him. August carefully opened the small black book, and as he turned the frail pages, he found each of them wordless. He looked up at Stella for some kind of answer.
“There are words,” she said, scooting closer to August. She took his finger and touched the top right section of one page, then the bottom left section of the next. She then turned the page and placed his finger in the center.
“In the language of the blind,” August murmured breathlessly. At that moment, he was completely captivated by Stella.
“Would you like to hear the story of how it came to be?” she asked.
We all stared at her, eager to hear every word she uttered.
“OK,” she breathed. “Tyless, the first engineer in my bloodline, was blind. His blindness was the reason he was chosen in first place. Donalt told him that if he built the glass for him, he’d grant him any wish he desired. Tyless was one of the purest souls that’s ever walked this earth. Some say the reason he was so pure was because he was linked to Guardian,” Stella explained.
I looked at Landen and smiled; I would argue that his soul was the purest above anyone else’s. He reached his hand out for mine, and I held it tightly in my lap.
“How was he linked – by family?” August asked.
“No,” Stella said, shaking her head. I could tell she was struggling to find a way to explain this family story to us. “He dreamed of Guardian before he was born. He said he could see every life before him, and he proved his point when he predicted that by age six, he would be in the care of Perodine. No one ever understood how or why our family was given such a precious gift. We felt honored, to say the least,” Stella said, smiling into Landen’s waiting eyes.
August nodded, telling her to go on.
“Because Tyless had dreamed of Guardian’s life, he knew that Donalt’s intentions were demonic, that Donalt was building the looking glass for his control - and that he planned to mesmerize the heart of his daughter, the heart that gave Guardian power. At that time, Donalt thought that his daughter’s loyal heart would honor his request and love the man he’d chosen for her, a guy named Alazar – I think.”
I nodded, letting her know that I’d heard that name before. She smiled and let an anxious breath out. “Tyless worked side by side with the priest and built the glass, but he also built a loop – as my father called it. This loop would circle Aliyanna back to the moment her course for the worse began.”
“Have you told Marc any of this?” Landen asked, confused as to why no one had brought this to our attention before.
“Marc knows I have the book. I told him it was to protect Aliyanna and Guardian from the power of the looking glass. But when I told him you’d just destroyed it, it didn’t seem to be needed anymore. Now I keep seeing fairies, though, so I wonder if the words of the blind have another purpose...I wonder what the pages say.”
August began tracing the raised dots, turning the pages delicately.
“Fairies?” I questioned, almost fearing her sanity.
“Yes, fairies – they’re everywhere,” she said, standing and walking to the window and pointing at the mass number of butterflies around the porch.
“Butterflies,” I corrected, smiling at her warmly.
She nodded and mouthed the word, trying to commit it to memory.
“You think there’s something more to the butterflies?” I asked August.
He didn’t hear me; he was staring into nothing as his fingers read a secret passage to him.
Stella tried to answer for him. “My father said that fairies with beautiful, colorful wings represent Alyianna’s power; that they’d serve as the doorway home for her, guide her to what her soul craved. He said that when she went back to the moment that she needed to change, they’d be her protectors and take her home again. When I was little, he would tell me stories of the prophecy that Tyless had recorded. He said they’d come when they were needed and not a moment before, then line up like soldiers and defend the purity of the innocent heart of Aliyanna. He said the fairies were strong because inside their tiny bodies they held the souls of those that Aliyanna and Guardian had helped along their path, who would fight for them to repay the debt.”
A chill ran down my spine as I remembered what Rose had said this morning: that some believe that butterflies were old souls.
“I don’t understand,” Landen said, squeezing my hand and looking at August. “You said that Stella’s father said it would help Guardian, but Stella is saying Aliyanna...this already sounds too unclear to chance.”
August shook his head no. “It is more clear than anything we have,” he said, retracing the words he’d just read. “Tyless knew that Donalt had protected himself from any loophole that Guardian could find. In Donalt’s mind, Aliyanna was useless without loving a man. Tyless created the path for Aliyanna, knowing it wouldn’t be stopped by Donalt. Tyless was a very wise man; it seems he had respect for women in an age that didn’t see them as having any power at all.”
Stella nodded eagerly at August’s revelation. “In his mind - in all of our minds - Guardian and Aliyanna were one person, so if one had the power, then they both had the power.”
Landen stood and began to pace the floor again. “Then you’ve found a protection for everyone’s life except Willow’s - and frankly, her life is the only one that matters; I can’t survive without her.”
As I felt his grief come back to life, I wanted to stand and hold him, but I felt his intent to work this out on his own. He always seemed to pace when he wanted to think clearly. I kept my eyes on him, waiting for his intent to change, for his wall to come down so I could go to him, embrace him.
“I think this should give you hope. What Stella said about the butterflies is also written here. They are to serve as an omen, warning her that the time when she’ll need to use this power is near. I would think that would mean that her life isn’t in any immediate danger - and whoever may be in danger, she’ll be able to save.”
A fear spread through me as the thought of losing anyone came to me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it, that I’d fall apart. I was sure that my breath would leave me the moment Landen took his last. I agreed with Landen: this was no magic loophole. Our emotions would control us through our adversities.
“What else does it say?” Landen demanded, still pacing, not finding comfort in August’s excitement.
August was turning each page delicately as he read the words of the blind profit. “The beginn
ing tells why he built the loophole, then it predicts the fall of the looking glass.”
“What?” Landen barked, stopping in front of us.
“It appears that the only way that this loophole would have worked in the first place was by the original being destroyed. This page,” August said, pointing to a place halfway through the book, “basically says that the rings will spin in place at a blind distance and that the rubble will rise. That in the new life of the glass, you will not need to stand within it for it to show its power, that the power will find Aliyanna when it’s needed. It also says that the power will teach her how to use it, meaning it will give her small moments to change. This exercise will help her prepare for what is to come - a moment that could change everything.”
I drew in a shaky breath and said, “I think we should build it. I mean, how many times have we thought, ‘If only I’d said or done something, everything would be alright’?”
Landen looked at me, questioning my words, then said, “We’ve always survived the choices we’ve made.”
I tried to smile. I wanted this chance, no matter how close or far away it may be, and I let my intent and emotion show that to him.
He tried to mask the disdain for this as he looked at August. “Do you have any reason to believe that this will hurt her?”
August shook his head no. “According to this, even if we build it, Willow will still have to choose to pass through it. Meaning that if we find a reason not to trust this loop, we don’t have to use it. I would think it’s purpose rests somewhere in Mars or beyond, not what we’re facing now; this is a precursor to what will come. Any opportunity, loophole, advantage you found – you must take it.”
Landen took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. This is what you want? he thought.
I felt the wall he had around him begin to fall, and I stood and went to him, then wrapped my arms around his waist. It seems someone somewhere in time thought I’d need a way out...we should take it.