Before we embark upon the second part of our hero’s story, the author wanted me to clear up a few things that have been asked more than once. First, the picture of the lunatic is not the novelist; it is our hero, Professor Felix Schwartz, and the caricature portrays what the dignitary looks like when he leaves the cornfield after giving himself a haircut and shave. Years of poor dental care have led to the missing teeth. The happiness reflected in Schwartz’s imbecilic smile reveals the joy the academic was feeling when he first sees something resembling civilization.
Furthermore, many of you apparently have not seen Idiocracy, or picked up the 1951 novella The Marching Morons upon which the motion picture was based. Let me rectify your oversight here by giving you a quick thumbnail sketch of the plot for both…the world becomes a place run by morons thanks to centuries of adverse breeding…the stupider humans procreating faster than the smarter ones...who are eventually assimilated to also become stupider. Morons running the show, the world becomes a place where communications, society and everything else becomes moronic…the same kind of place liberalism ends up.
The last thing that keeps coming up is doubt that there are over four hundred federal departments and agencies in Washington. There are 456 of them as of 2013, no kidding.
Oh, and one more thing. The comments were unanimous on the matter of getting rid of all those ebanglish-edangish-egangish, phonetic, gibberish-speak, references for the word “ask.” Unlike China, where the government decides all issues, this novel is being written in a more or less democratic republic, so we will abide by the wishes of the people...all dozen of them.
The author wishes you the best and looks forward to continuing with you in the next segment of Professor Schwartz’s odyssey into the future American utopia. Until then I, the narrator, bid you a fond farewell.