Read WTF! This Is A Liberal Utopia! Page 7

PART of today’s modern American society!

  Now, enough about riots and the NMASA, let’s close the loop on the subject of government television networks.

  Government TV networks were constantly on the lookout for new ways to keep the public entertained and their minds off their misery. The Food and Drug Administration Network, for one, had even approached Grey Hall with the idea of a documentary series that displayed for all to see the antics of inmates on horse tranquilizers. The speeded up footage of pinballs like the former scholar with their doggie collars was thought to have some appeal to the masses of today’s average Americans. Besides being hilarious, the documentary may have even answered important, scientific questions like which way did most pinballs go when they ran into things...right, or left? How many times did the zombies bump into something in a twelve-hour period? How did a heavily medicated human promenade about and use nature’s powder-room at the same time?

  All appeared vital at the moment, as their discovery could prove to help in the design of future homes for the insane. In addition, such a television series would have imparted the subtle messaging the “Forever President” wanted to pass on to all Americans; perhaps their lives were not as schiessen’y as they thought; drugs might hold the answer to their miseries and Percocet, Valium and Quaaludes were all available over-the-counter at their local grocery store in the aspirin and children's sections, or the checkout counters.

  Regrettably, the idea of featuring sanitarium inmates lost its luster after the Food and Drug Administration accidentally discovered Americans might prefer seeing someone “executed” over watching some nincompoops bouncing around a caged school playground all day.

  It was just by chance that one night, while pretending to work late, the Television Programming Director of the Food and Drug Administration Network, the “Forever President’s” fourth cousin removed, mistakenly typed in an “H” for the “F” for his favorite porn site, so instead of BedouinFemales.net the bureaucrat was taken to BedouinHemales.net. What popped up? A website featuring video footage of a race still living in the 7th Century.

  What caught his eye was the front page video showing some robed, toothless, desert tribesmen who looked to be in the process of chopping off some poor soul’s noodle. The soon-to-be headless person was hooded so the political appointee could not tell if the victim was a woman, his primary interest at the time given his dropped drawers and some kind of lubricating jelly on his desk. But, before the bureaucrat lost interest and turned his attention back to the women that so reminded him of his mother and his favorite donkey, Pedro, the former Cuban citizen remembered his other mission.

  The reaction of the Medieval-appearing fellows wielding their swords was one thing, but the audience…the audience of primitive-looking lowlifes reminded him of his own American audience: inerudite-appearing, disheveled, filthy, most near toothless and wearing rags that resembled the President’s line of designer clothing…and they were all going berserk with joy!

  Hmmm…very appealing, the bureaucrat thought to himself. These goat herders look like they’re really having fun! Was it decapitation that turned them on? Beheadings, no of course I can’t show beheadings on national television. There’s at least fifty agencies that would contest that sort of stuff…but someone on death row, that might be a different story!

  The Food and Drug Administration Series Execution soon followed and quickly became a blockbuster hit sweeping all prime time spots and wreaking havoc among the ratings of all other networks. With the Food and Drug Administration Network ratings going through the roof, polling started showing viewers felt better about their schiessen’y lives after watching at least three episodes and even made some reconsider the whole act of rape, murder, robbery, but not adultery, nor incest.

  The bureaucrat porn-surfer went on to win the Academy Award for Best Television Series; Best Documentary; Best Nonfiction Series; the Nobel Prize for Peace, Fun and Enlightenment; and the Presidential Medal of Castro.

  Drug sales went up across all “New” Fifty States of America. Puerto Rico and Cuba, of course, had become the 51st and 52nd states before the number was knocked back down to fifty when “el Presidente” auctioned off Alaska to the Russians and New Mexico to, you guessed it, Mexico.

  Television networks for agencies like the Environmental Protection Agency, the Department of Education, the Department of Agriculture, the Department of Transportation, the Department of Commerce, the Department of Energy, the Department of Health and Human Services, the Department of Homeland Security, D’HUD, the Department of Justice and four dozen other similar networks did not have a prayer.

  The Department of PETA Network would come closest to matching the success of “Execution” with its real-life series “Slaughtered.” Nevertheless footage of whales, dogs, cats, birds, anything being butchered, did not have the same kind of appeal for American audiences as seeing someone fry each night in an electric chair.

  Some networks like the Department of Education Channel had it even worse because the Food and Drug Administration owned the rights to any film making featuring drug use. Only with the FDA’s approval could a competing network air coverage like the humorous footage of say...the drugged-out youth still in one of those pseudo-schools.

  All of this to say...so what! Enough crap about television, enough about the “Forever President” and the National Mob Alert System Agency. It’s time to get down in the trenches, down to ground level. It’s time for us to embark into this new, future American paradise, as seen through the peepers of our hero, the professor...to see for ourselves just how the populace has faired...how much better the country has become...just how close the nation has gone to becoming that magical place of Oz!

  Great Escape