Chapter Twenty
On the prowl. Come on Anja, you can do this… I sat at the end of the bar, the same bar Bishop had taken me to, but I couldn’t relax enough to enjoy the atmosphere. When I’d woken up, I felt that slight flush of warmth, the telltale sign I needed to feed soon. Now that I knew what to look for, it was easy to recognize, and I didn’t have to worry about it getting so out of control again. I made a list of pros and cons for going to the same bar, and the pro column won by a landslide. Without Bishop to guide me, I went for as much familiarity as I could muster.
It was impossible to think of feeding without remembering the experience with Bishop. The way our bodies pressed together, the heady sense of power as Josh’s life force poured into us, the kiss... I had to fan myself as another rush of heat went through me that had nothing to do with the thirst. More than anything, I wanted to feel that way again, but Bishop had made it clear I was on my own, despite his appearance the night before. It was up to me to step up and figure out how to do this vampire thing on my own. I had to stop acting like a wallflower and remember I could have anyone in the bar I wanted, thanks to my handy dandy vamp powers.
Yep. Anja on the prowl. Humans beware!
Only who to pick? Everyone seemed like they were either with someone or waiting for someone. Maybe it was the wrong kind of venue for a single hunter like me after all? I didn’t have the right temperament for approaching total strangers, which meant I had to either catch someone’s eye across a crowded room, or wait for someone to approach me.
I’d reverted back to more of my own style, with a pair of skinny jeans and a black fuzzy sweater (in case I got any blood on my outfit). But instead of wearing a blouse under the sweater, I opted to go without, which left one shoulder bare and about all the lure I could manage from my own wardrobe. It didn’t exactly scream siren, but it also wouldn’t attract a great deal of attention, a plus in my books.
Just then, I caught someone looking, a guy about my age, on the shorter side, with sandy brown hair and stooping shoulders. It turned out we had a lot in common. We were both college students, fans of Dr. Who and terrible monster flicks on the SyFy channel, preferred hot chocolate to coffee, and weren’t much for heavy drinking. In any other circumstance, I probably wouldn’t have minded hanging out with Stan, though there definitely weren’t any sparks on my side of the conversation.
It didn’t take much to talk him into leaving with me, I didn’t even have to use a hint of compulsion on him. The lure of a coffee shop and late movie were enough to get him into the parking lot, and from there I grabbed his hand, tugging him over by the dumpster.
“What’s going on?” he asked, a silly grin on his face, and I almost lost my nerve. But I was the predator and he was my prey. This was the way it had to be, right? In a few minutes he’d be on his way with an interesting scar and a hole in his memory, and I’d have a full tummy - no harm, no foul.
“I want to show you something.”
“But we’ll miss the beginning of the show,” he objected and I focused on exerting my will, instantly calming his objections.
“Trust me, this is better.”
“Trust you,” Stan murmured, his eyes vacant.
The blank stare unnerved me, and I had trouble approaching him. “Close your eyes,” I ordered and he immediately obeyed. His height made it easy for me to reach his neck, but I couldn’t bring myself to go for it and dig right in. That was the problem, wait too long and I was liable to take his head off, eat too soon and I got squeamish about the process.
I had to get my head in the game and do it before I lost my window of opportunity and someone came along. That thought was enough to make me stop and extend my senses, making sure we were truly alone. Apart from something that scurried under the dumpster (and I personally voted for stray kitty rather than rat in my imagination), we were the only ones out there. “Stop being such a baby…” I murmured, leaning in close. I felt my fangs descend the closer I got to the throb of his pulse.
In for a penny, in for a pound… Once more, I was overwhelmed with the bright taste of blood as it exploded across my tongue. Had I said I wasn’t hungry? At the first drop of blood, a terrible craving consumed me body and soul, and I drank as though I might never slake my thirst.
It wasn’t sexy and it wasn’t a game. It was carnal, pure and simple, a physical need without any of the sensual trappings of my last feeding. Dimly, I was aware of the fact that Stan wasn’t having a very good time, and a tiny part of my brain wondered what I’d done wrong, but mostly I drank and drank as if I’d never get my fill.
I felt his heart shudder and quake beneath me and I knew it was time to stop. Hell, it was way past time to stop, but knowing and doing are two very different things. Even though part of me screamed inside that I was taking too much, my body wouldn’t obey until I felt his heart quiver and stop. Only then was I released from the spell his blood wove over me, and he slumped to the ground as I abruptly let go.
“I’m sorry!” I wailed, falling to my knees beside him, desperately searching for a pulse. “Oh God, oh God, oh God, please…” I switched to his wrist, not finding anything on the neck. “This isn’t happening,” I murmured, hot tears spilling down my cheeks as I wondered what to do. Calling an ambulance was out of the question… Suddenly I had a flash of insight. My blood could heal him, right? I fumbled at my wrist, pushing the sleeve out of the way as I brought it up to my mouth, but my fangs had already retracted. Closing my eyes, I bit down as hard as I could, my muffled cry of pain rewarded by the slight trickle of my own blood.
“Stan? I’m trying to help you. I can fix this.” I held my wrist up to his mouth, but he didn’t stir as the drops of blood hit his lips. “Stan, can you hear me? You have to drink…”
“Anja, no…” Bishop pulled me away from Stan’s body, his hand clamping over the wound at my wrist. I didn’t even stop to wonder what he was doing there, I only knew I had to make it right.
“I need to help him, I took too much, he’ll die.” I tried to struggle past him, but his grip was too strong for me. “Bishop, please…”
“It’s too late.”
“No, it’s not too late. My blood can heal him, you said so yourself. Let me help him!”
“He’s already gone.” Bishop pulled me into the shelter of his embrace, obscuring my view of the body. “Let him go, Anja. There’s nothing to be done.” I sagged against him, tears falling in earnest as he held me. I wasn’t sure who I felt more sorry for, Stan for losing his life, me for having to deal with taking a life, or Bishop who kept getting drawn back into my life.
“I’m so sorry,” I wept, shoulders shaking with quiet sobs. I felt Bishop’s touch at my back, his hands strong and comforting.
“It’s not your fault, it’s your nature, remember?”
“How can you say it’s not my fault? I killed a man. Ten minutes ago Stan’s biggest problem was too many writing intensive courses this semester and because of me he’ll never graduate. He’ll never do anything ever again because I chose him and lost control.”
“If it makes you feel any better, it’s my fault for pushing you off on your own before you were ready.”
As much as it surprised me to hear that coming from him, I couldn’t let myself off the hook so easily. “It’s not your job to look after me.”
“Could have fooled me,” he murmured and I pulled back to look at him a little closer.
“What are you doing here?” Why hadn’t he stopped me before it was too late?
For a long seconds, I thought he might not even know himself, and his answer sounded hesitant. “Looking out for you?”
“Well you’re doing a crappy job,” I sniffed, tucking my head back down against his chest where I felt his rumble of laughter.
“I could leave again if you’d rather be alone.”
“Don’t you dare.” My arms tightened around him. It was a crutch, but I
needed it in the worst way at the time. Eventually my storm of emotions subsided enough that I started to worry about discovery. “We have to do something about his body before someone finds us.”
“I’ll take care of it,” he offered, and once again I was surprised. Was this the same Bishop who kept telling me I was on my own?
“But it’s my mess…”
“Anja it’s fine, I’ll take care of it.” Letting go of me, he reached for his phone, fingers flying over the keyboard as he texted.
“Who are you calling?”
“People who specialize in this sort of emergency. They’ll be here in no time.”
“Oh. I didn’t realize you could get rid of a body as easily as ordering a pizza.” I wasn’t so sure that was a good thing. Human beings shouldn’t be so easily disposable.
“Not everyone has access to the same resources I do,” he reminded me. “In the meantime, I think I should take you home. The more removed you are from this situation, the better.” Pulling a cloth from his back pocket, he swabbed at Stan’s face, removing the traces of my blood on his lips. When he was satisfied with the results, Bishop did a quick pat down of the body, and pulled out Stan’s wallet, pocketing the thin sheaf of bills inside.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I demanded, outraged at the theft. Nevermind that the crime I’d committed against Stan was far worse.
“It’s not going to do him any good,” Bishop shrugged.
I couldn’t watch.
Hugging my arms to my body, I walked away, telling myself I was looking out to make sure no one else came along while he did whatever else he was going to do to the body before his contacts arrived.
“Come on, let’s get you home.” Bishop’s light touch at the small of my back made me shiver as he guided me to his SUV, and I was grateful he hadn’t ridden the motorcycle that night.
The ride back to my apartment was a silent one. Bishop seemed to understand I needed a bit of space to process what I’d done, though I was grateful for his presence. Even after he parked the car down the street from my building, I made no move to leave the warm cocoon of the vehicle. His phone chirped, and whatever popped up on the display made him scowl.
“What is it?”
“The body is gone.”
“The body, you mean my body? Stan is gone?”
“Looks like it.”
“How could that be? He was dead, really dead, wasn’t he?”
“Dead as they come,” he agreed.
“So he didn’t just get up and walk away.”
“Definitely not. And if someone from inside the bar found him and called the police or an ambulance, they would still be on the scene by the time my people got there.”
“What does this mean?” Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good. All manner of thoughts made my head swim. Had the blood I’d given him turned him into a vampire and he’d really gotten up and walked away? Had someone stolen the body? What possible reason could they have for taking a dead body?
Bishop’s fingers texted like mad. “Try not to worry, we’ll get to the bottom of it. I’ve already got people checking the dispatch records and local hospitals. We’ll find out what happened to him and take care of it.”
“If you say so.” Though trying not to worry sounded like a contradiction to me. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him yet and go up to my empty apartment. Almost as though he’d read my mind, Bishop turned, his features sharp and distinct to my eyes despite the poor lighting.
“Do you want me to come up for a bit?”
I stared at him, at a momentary loss for words. Had the Bishop I’d come to know and love been replaced by a pod person? Regardless, I wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. “That would be nice, if you’ve got the time.”
I pondered over what prompted the shift in behavior as we made our way up to my unit, and decided he must feel more responsible for Stan’s death than he let on. “Do you want anything? Juice? Coffee? Popcorn?” I remembered the contents of his cupboards, though I wanted nothing for myself.
“No, I’m fine. Listen, Anja, I think we should talk.”
That sounded ominous. Now that he had me in private, was he about to read me the riot act? “Do you mind if I wash up first?” Though I wasn’t at all mussed, I could still smell Stan on me, and it was starting to turn my stomach.
“Go ahead, I’ll be here.”
I half expected it to be a lie. My luck would run out and he’d go back to being cold hearted towards me by the time I returned. Maybe I even wanted him to be, I deserved as much. Washing my face turned into brushing my teeth, which turned into a full fledged shower. I stood under the stream of water as hot as I could stand it (which was pretty darn hot) until the heat ran out and the water turned icy cold. Even then, I stood under the chilly spray, completely numb on the inside and out. When I finally emerged, cleaner but feeling no more refreshed, he was still on the couch, waiting as promised.
“Feel better?”
“Yes.”
“You’re lying.”
“I know.” I didn’t have the energy to dispute it.
“Come here.” Bishop’s arm extended over the back of the couch and I took a seat, snuggling up to his side. He stiffened, and belatedly I realized that might not have been his intention, but a few seconds later, he relaxed, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. He didn’t offer any words of comfort, and we sat there, listening to the sounds in the apartments below.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I ventured finally, my voice barely above a whisper.
“What?”
“This vampire thing. Look at me, I’m a complete mess the first time I tried to eat on my own. How am I supposed to do this every other day?”
“You’ll get better at it as you go. No one is born to this, we all learn to make adjustments. Well… most aren’t born to it.” There was a story behind his words, I could tell, but I didn’t ask him about it at the time.
“I think I did it wrong. It wasn’t like it was with you there at all. I hurt him. Even before the killing, it caused him pain, not pleasure.” I pushed away the memory of Stan’s strangled cry.
“You have to learn how to put that into the compulsion.”
“But I didn’t try to the first time.”
“Then that means you’re a natural at it if you’re in the right frame of mind. When I was there with you, you’d just seen me compel Holly. You mimicked my actions. Your instincts kicked in and gave him pleasure to mask the pain. What were you thinking of tonight?”
“That I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible.”
“There you go.”
“I didn’t mean to kill him.”
“I know that.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “It was a mistake. We all make them. Pretty soon it won’t bother you so much.”
“I don’t want it not to bother me.” He didn’t get it at all, and I pulled back to study him closer. Was he really that cold hearted? “I don’t want to turn into a ruthless killer that doesn’t give a damn about human life. I don’t want to kill at all.”
“Anja, you have to expect that you will have some slip ups as you learn to control the thirst. It’s naïve to think mistakes won’t happen, it’s part of the learning curve. Beating yourself up about it won’t bring the guy back.”
“No, not for me. I won’t kill anyone ever again.”
“I won’t always be able to help you. I’m going to make an effort to be there for you until you learn the ropes, but eventually you’re going to have to take the training wheels off and try it on your own and mistakes…”
“Yes, I hear you loud and clear, mistakes happen. That’s why I’m not doing that again,” I explained patiently, but his expression darkened.
“You have to feed.”
“But not straight from the source, right? I can find another way. Bagged blood would work
, wouldn’t it?” It had to, or I might as well throw the towel in. I couldn’t live with myself as a murderess, no matter how much he assured me it would get easier in time.
Bishop grimaced with distaste. “It’ll do in a pinch, but I wouldn’t want to live on it.”
“Well, you’re not me. I won’t take the chance of hurting anyone else.” My chin came up in determination.
After a moment’s thought, he offered me a ray of hope. “I suppose I could hook you up with a local source, but trust me, you won’t like it. Not after the real thing.”
“Blood is blood, what difference does it make as long as it’s human?” I shrugged. Ah, how naïve I was!
“Alright, but don’t be mad when I say I told you so.” He didn’t look at all happy about it, but I was ecstatic, and I threw my arms around his neck in an impulsive hug.
“Thanks, Bishop. It means a lot to me, you being here like this and helping me.”
Though he went very still, he made no move to pull away. When I released him, he only looked slightly uncomfortable. “Like I said, it wasn’t right of me to leave you high and dry like that.”
“Does that mean I can call you sometimes, even when it’s not an emergency?”
“Yeah, you can call me and I’ll try to make myself available to you if I can. Speaking of which, I wanted to talk to you about getting chipped.”
“Is that like getting pinned?” I grinned, and he blinked in surprise.
“What? No, it’s getting an identification chip inserted under the skin by your wrist. All new vampires have to have it by law, and most of us older ones have it too. It’s easier than carrying around your papers.”
“Like they do for pets?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
It wasn’t my first choice to lojack myself, but I trusted him to know what was best for me within the vampire community. Maybe I trusted him too much, but he was my only real ally at the time. “Won’t that raise suspicion if I go in to get chipped now if I’m supposed to be so old?”
“No, not especially. There are enough older vampires who resist technology that it won’t raise many eyebrows if you have the procedure done now. The trick will be getting your papers in order before you go in.”
“But you already got me a fake ID.”
“That was nothing. I’m talking about forging your lineage. You’ll need to have documentation that proves what line you come from and the proper license and such.”
That sounded complicated when I had no idea what line I descended from. “How do I go about getting those?” It figured there was bureaucracy even among the undead.
“I can get them for you,” he offered, and my brows came up in surprise.
“You’d do that for me?”
“Yes, I would.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but why?”
“You don’t want me to help you?”
“No, that’s not what I said. But ever since I met you it’s been one step forward, two steps back. You’ve said from day one that you didn’t want to be mixed up in my mess. So why are you willing to take such a risk for me now?” Could it be he was finally starting to admit he had feelings for me beyond a sense of obligation?
“Because I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”
“Why?” I pressed. “Why are you here right now, Bishop? I’m not in any danger. Why are you sitting here with me, talking me through my guilt and offering to help me put my life back together again?” I willed him to tell me he felt something between us too.
“Maybe it’s because what you said before hit home. You need a brother, someone to look out for you. To keep you safe from harm.”
“A brother.” I stared back at him in disbelief. Of all the things he could have said, that was the last thing I expected. Another denial of attraction, sure. A profession of duty, absolutely. After the way he’d objected to my calling him brother before, I hardly expected him to adopt the word and run with it.
Was it pathetic that I was willing to take whatever crumbs of friendship he offered? Maybe. But what could I say? “Thank you, that sounds nice.” Nice? Ugh, I pressed my lips together into a tight smile to keep from blurting out something clingy and pathetic, and thankfully, Bishop didn’t seem to notice. A satisfied look spread over his face, as though he was mentally patting himself on the back for doing his good deed for the year.
“Good,” he nodded. “Oh, another thing. I was thinking about your problem with staying up for classes.” Bishop reached into a pocket and withdrew a small vial of milky liquid.
“What’s that?”
“It’ll help you get through the day. At least part of it. It should get you through at least five or six hours of daytime, but then you’ll need to crash. It takes quite a toll on the body.”
“What’s in it?” I accepted the little vial, holding it up to the light.
“I have no idea,” he shrugged. “But I’ve used it before, it works fairly well. Think of it like a 5 hour energy shot… just a little more energy than most people can handle.”
“Like a drug?” I frowned, instinctively wary, but what other choice did I have? If I wanted to keep going to college, I needed find a way to stay awake, and I didn’t have any other ideas.
“It’s safe enough if used for a limited run. We’ll have to figure out something for you long term, but for now it should get you back into classes. Just be sure to protect yourself from the sun, it won’t kill you but it’ll hurt if you’re exposed to it for too long.”
“Thanks,” I murmured, tucking it away in my pocket. “Bishop, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“What do you do all night? The nights seem so long and so lonely, how do you keep from going kazoo?” A question that had been plaguing me since I’d turned.
“I’ve never stopped to think about it, there’s always something to do. If I don’t have an active case to work on, there’s training. I’m in charge of this division, that brings paperwork and other demands on my time. I check in with the other members of the team, make sure they don’t need anything. If there’s nothing cooking I’ll sometimes ride around, make the rounds and keep our presence up, that’s a big deterrent for lawbreakers.”
“Don’t you ever do anything for fun?”
“Well sure, I grab a beer with Mason every now and then. I’m not a hermit. And I have hobbies. I like to read and there’s…” at the last minute he cut off what he’d been about to say.
“What?”
“I used to play the piano.”
“Was that what I heard the other night? It was beautiful.” I offered him a smile of adulation. Such talent was rare, and vastly appreciated by someone with my background.
He smiled faintly, perhaps a little uneasy with the praise. “It’s been years since I sat down to play, I was out of practice…”
“Don’t you dare do that! It was incredible, really. Brought tears to my eyes, the way it became a part of me… you have a true gift. I only wish I could touch people that way. Have you always played, or did you pick it up, you know, after you became a vampire?”
All of a sudden his expression shuttered, and he looked away. “I don’t really like to talk about it, it’s a painful part of my life.”
And we’d been getting along so well! I hoped I hadn’t blown it. “Oh, I’m sorry…”
“It’s not your fault. I should get going though, it’s late.”
I’d known it was coming, but the disappointment still stung. “I guess I’ve kept you from your work for too long already. I expect you’re eager to get back to it.” Bishop didn’t reply to that, but he did rise to his feet. “Thanks again for all your help tonight. I can’t tell you what it means to me to have someone I can count on in case of trouble. Especially since my life seems to be filled with disaster lately.”
“It’ll smooth out before you know it, give i
t some time,” he nodded, his smile reassuring.
“I hope so.” I wasn’t sure if I should hug him or shake his hand or what, given our new status. But seeing as how he flip flopped back and forth so often, I half expected him to shun me the next time I saw him, so I decided to get in a last hug, just in case. Bishop’s arms encircled me after the briefest hesitation, and I felt his chin rest on top of my head as he held me close. My eyes slid shut as genuine peace and tranquility surrounded me for a brief, shining moment, and then I felt him start to disengage and I pasted on a placid smile as we said our goodbyes.
It might not be everything I wanted or hoped for from Bishop, but as I tipped back the contents of the glass vial, fighting the debilitating rays of dawn, I was filled with something I hadn’t known since becoming a vampire. Hope.