That can’t be good.
Taking a step back away from me he hits me with, “I had a huge fight with my girlfriend.”
Nope! Not good! Abort! Abort now!
Chapter 20
I don’t think I’m breathing; I mean you’re supposed to breathe right? I’m pretty sure I look like a ghost at the moment. I swear I actually felt the color drain from my face and my blood run cold. Am I dead? Did I just jump off the building? No, still standing. Feet planted firmly on solid concrete, gorgeous man still in front of me. Staring at me like I will indeed make the jump. Gorgeous man with a girlfriend.
He has a girlfriend? Oh my god he has a girlfriend! Okay get it together Isabelle.
How the hell do I get it together right now?
Start by breathing.
Oh right, that.
“Really? Your girlfriend? Umm, wh…what happened?”
Now you’re stuttering, way to have it together!
I can feel my hands start to shake so I place them together behind my back so he can’t see how much his last sentence is affecting me. He looks as nervous as I’ve ever seen him and backs away to pace around the small balcony.
“Yeah, I wanted to mention it earlier to you but I selfishly didn’t want to think about it. I was having such a great time with you, you know?”
Still staring at him, I wonder idly if I’m the only one that feels the ground caving in beneath me.
Just me? Okay great.
Realizing I’m not going to answer verbally he continues his story, “We’ve been arguing for around a month now. Mostly about my work. How I’m away a lot and it bugs her. The only problem is that she has the same job, yet when it happens to her, it’s not a problem. So, I finally asked her the one question that’s been bugging me. If she was jealous that I was having more success right now. That’s where it all kind of fell apart.”
Finally finding my voice, I clear my throat before I answer just in case it comes out as a croak.
“That seems unfair of her.”
He grabs the railing, almost as though he can’t believe I’ve just said that.
“Really? You don’t think I’m being an ass? I kind of felt like one after I said it, but it was something that’s been nagging at me in the back of my mind for a while.”
Shaking my head, I say, “No I don’t think you’re being an ass. You clearly love your job since every time you mention it your face lights up. I mean isn’t there any compromise? Can’t she come with you when you go away?”
Nodding his head enthusiastically at me like he has thought this before, he adds, “Yes! Yes, I’ve said that before and every time I mention it she says ‘Well, what if a project comes up back home. I don’t want to miss it.’ It’s frustrating, and I always feel like the bad guy for making her bend her schedule for mine.”
Thinking this over while holding on to the railing so tight me hands start to go white, I reply with, “Maybe you both are just in two different places right now. People change, maybe you’ll work it out and meet in the middle somewhere.”
I can hear my voice crack slightly on the last word. Knowing I’m about to lose my strong demeanor I turn away from the breathtaking skyline and head towards the door.
“Where are you going?”
Evans asks and starts towards me to grab my hand in a gesture that’s become pretty comfortable for us over the last few hours and damn if I can help it, I back away slightly. He notices the sudden change and he looks like I’ve just slapped him instead. Without turning my eyes toward him I say in the steadiest voice I can, “I have to go to the restroom, then I think we should start to head back to the hotel now. It’s getting really late. Thanks for the view.”
In more ways than one.
I whip open the door, leaving Evan before he can argue my point. I find the restroom and haul ass toward one of the back stalls. I sit down on the closed toilet seat and just take a moment to myself. I can’t believe he has a girlfriend. Why am I so upset by this? I mean look at him, there is no way a guy who looks like that is single.
But I thought… I don’t know what I thought. Maybe I was just too wrapped up in the adventure.
Then why does it hurt so bad?
I feel like I’ve lost a piece of myself somehow and left it up on the 103rd floor. Tears spring to my eyes and I wave my hands in my face in a desperate attempt to dry them before they spill over. Feeling defeated, I listen for a moment to make sure no one is in here with me and just let myself cry. I guess this is what happens when you let go. I guess all who wander are actually lost. I just thought for once I’d been found by him for a moment.
I guess I was wrong.
Chapter 21
I stare at myself in the restroom mirror as the P.A. system goes off telling us it’s time to leave. Luckily my eyes aren’t too red and puffy. I take a deep breath, pinch my cheeks for some color, stand up straight and fluff my hair, preparing myself to face Evan again for the last leg of our journey tonight. Satisfied I nod at myself in the mirror.
I can do this.
We’re just two friends on a walk together.
Exiting the restroom, I find Evan leaning up against the wall. His lean build positioned so gracefully, it’s easy to see how comfortable he is in his own skin. We make eye contact and he springs away from the wall as if he expects me to make a run for it. He looks at me like he’s trying to diffuse a bomb, and asks, “You okay?”
Plastering on my best smile I answer, “Yea fine, ready to go?” He nods looking unconvinced and saunters over to me like a tiger that’s been let out of its cage.
“Ready if you are.”
We walk over to the elevators to take the quick trip back down to the ground floor. Awkward silence fills the air and thank god for the doorman who starts whistling to the elevator music. We head into the lobby to make our way outside when the young woman at the information desk stops us.
“Excuse me, uum sir.”
She starts to blush, of course, when Evan turns and walks back over to the desk. I stand in the middle of the lobby awkwardly as other tourists pass me to the exit. Staring in their direction I see Evan sign a piece of paper for her and hand it back.
Probably forgot to sign for his credit card earlier.
I wonder how much that cost him? I really don’t think I want to know at this point. But I’m also feeling kind of guilty about it. I’m very used to paying my own way in this world so when others pitch in it usually makes me pretty uncomfortable. Smiling his perfect white smile and waving goodbye to her and the doorman he stops in front of me like he forgot I was there. “All paid up?’ I ask him.
Seeing his body relax a bit he says, “Yeah, all done. Let’s get going.”
Walking back outside, I immediately miss the view from above. A moment in my life I will never forget.
“Thanks again for setting that up Evan. It was amazing, I really feel like I should pay you back somehow for it.”
Looking almost insulted he stops me, “No Izzy, it was my pleasure. Don’t even think twice about it okay. I would’ve done the same thing if you had your wallet on you. You got me up there which is what I wanted, not the other way around.”
Giving him a small smirk, I make myself not argue and hatch a plan to do something small to pay him back after this is all over.
Heading back the way we came, we turn back onto Broadway and I know we’re getting closer to Times Square which is where my hotel is located. I know now that we have to wrap this night up and go our separate ways, especially now I know he has a girlfriend and there is no chance in hell I’m getting in the middle of that.
I’m not that kind of girl.
Am I?
Chapter 22
Everything feels different now, the way we walk, the way we look at each other, the way questions and answers don’t sound as sincere as before. If we could only go back, I wouldn’t have asked that stupid question. Why did I have to be so curious? I just want it back the way it was, easy. That’s how this
whole night has felt with him, just easy. I never had to force any of my emotions, never had to put on a brave face when talking about my parents.
“Earth to Wendy.” Evan nudges me with his elbow to gain my attention.
I laugh a small subdued laugh, “Sorry.”
“What’s going on? Something feels wrong, different. Tell me what you’re thinking locked up in Neverland.”
He knows me to well. I stare at all the huge buildings in front of me trying to find the words. Should I just tell him the truth? That I’m hurt he didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend in the beginning. No, no I can’t do that. He isn’t obligated to share any information at all with me if he doesn’t want to. It’s not like we’ve made out like teenagers or anything. I would’ve left him on that balcony if that was the case. I decide I’ll just talk about something else that’s been bugging me, except I don’t have to because he stops me by the arm on the sidewalk in front of Starbucks instead.
“Come back to me Izzy. Don’t do the over analyze, internal thought thing. Talk to me, please. Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Zoe.”
The devil has a name.
“Like I said I didn’t want to think about what happened and ruin the fun we were having.”
Looking into his eyes now instead of everywhere else I sigh, “You don’t owe me an apology Evan. You didn’t do anything wrong. You can tell me whatever you want to tell me, I mean as long as it’s not a lie.”
Smiling a genuine smile for the first time since I left the restroom, I look into his face as a signature unknown look crosses his face.
Man, he’s good with masking his emotions. It’s really annoying!
I can sense him go for my hand but he thinks twice about it now and instead just gives me a wink and we keep walking. I miss his touch, miss the warm contact and ease. I wonder how much I’m going to miss him when this is over.
Signs for Times Square and the Theatre District are coming up now and I know we are only a small distance away from my hotel. I’ve loved the feeling of being in the moment with him. Not having my cell phone has been a pleasure and I haven’t even seen him check his once, even though I have heard it buzz in his pocket a few times. It’s kind of crazy how much of our lives we miss by our noses being in technology. It’s a blessing and a bitch.
“So what are you going to tell your friends when you get back home?” Evan asks adjusting his hat a little lower now that we’re getting into a more crowded area.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean about me. Am I going to be some stalker, creep kind of guy that won’t leave you alone? Or are you going to make it dramatic and tell them how you escaped some murdering psycho and make it a thriller?” Seeing him smiling from ear to ear I can’t help but respond playfully.
“No, I think I’m going to tell them about the knight in shining armor, who turned out to be a jester and failed at every attempt at saving me.”
Playing hurt, he grabs his chest. “Oh how you hurt me madam with your harsh words. I guess I should just walk into traffic and end it now, for I will never impress a maiden such as yourself.” Letting out a loud laugh I can’t help but play along. Loving the ease that has come back between us.
“But sir, how will I ever find humor again if my court jester pitches himself into the throws of traffic? We can’t have that! Who will entertain me with their ridiculousness? I’ll have nothing nice to look at anymore.”
Realizing what I just said I start to blush intensely.
Damn word vomit.
Trying to think of something to back track with before his smug grin becomes anymore victorious he counters with, “Dear madam, how you praise me so. It is I who should be sad that I will never again lay eyes on such beauty in all my life again.”
Woah, where did that come from?
Catching himself he clears his throat and all humor in his eyes is now lost. Tucking my hair behind my ear in a nervous gesture, I start walking again hoping he will join me and not just stand there forcing people to go around him. He follows, and his earlier comment pops into my head.
I’ve never told some girl that I’d follow her anywhere.
I only have one question to that.
How far will you follow, Evan?
Chapter 23
Passing the Walgreens, I can’t even begin to explain how a pint of Ben & Jerry’s would come in handy when I got back to my hotel. After I am back up there, I am going to emotional eat the crap out of my life choices over the next few hours. Late night room service? That’s happening!
Evan has gone pretty quiet since his last comment. His familiar mask has slipped back into place as he stares at the ground in front of him hiding his face when we near large groups of people, mostly women. I really don’t want our night to end on a bad note so I decide to bring him back to me.
“Hey! Peter! Come back to me.”
Chuckling he finally stops looking at the ground like it’s made of hot coals and peers up at me from under his hat. A flash of recognition clouds my mind. I know I’ve seen that look before. Still, I can’t quite put my finger on it.
“Have you ever been to Times Square before?” I ask casually. “Yes, I have for work once. It’s pretty spectacular. I’ve never been able to enjoy it like a proper tourist before though. Take pictures in weird poses that make the native New Yorkers roll their eyes. You know what we should do? Ice cream.”
A man after my own heart. This guy knows how to treat a girl. Too bad he already has one.
“Yes, we should!” I say with no hesitation ignoring my inner sulking child. Not that I want to prolong the goodbye. Well I do, but it’s not only about that.
“Done!” he exclaims with just as much hesitation it took me.
I don’t even think he notices us walking right past the entrance of my hotel; he has one thing on his mind. Walking up to an ice cream cart Evan asks what I want.
“Anything vanilla and chocolate and pile it high my friend.” Laughing with the cart attendant he orders my cone and one for himself, Rocky Road double scooped. We find a railing and he holds my ice cream so I can sit on top of it while I eat. He leans back beside me and outstretches his long legs. Eating in silence for a minute I take in all the color and life. The square is bustling with people even at this hour of the night.
Morning?
I’ve pretty much lost track at this point. It’s quite a site though.
Lights, colors, flashing from huge signs and cameras alike. So many advertisements its almost laughable. The pinnacle of product placement is right here. Buy this! Watch that! A huge lit up sign in front us with the words ‘Live life’ catches my eye. I nudge Evans arm and nod over to it. He rewards me with an adorable lopsided grin before he continues to lick his ice cream. Now that’s a vision being locked to memory!
Shaking my head ever so slightly as if to spill out those kind of thoughts of him, I roll my eyes at myself. I have to stop ogling him every chance I get.
Just one more time!
Glancing quickly to the side I see him starting in on his cone instead.
Damn!
You know what, he may have a girlfriend but I am still human and there is no denying that face. I’m not the only one that thinks so as a group of girls and guys walk past us and two of the girls nearly trip over each other to get a better look. At least I don’t look that obvious.
Finishing our cones, I decide that it’s time to say goodbye. As much fun as this has been I can feel how tired me and my poor feet are. Every inch of me does not want to leave this spot. There are no words for how much I am going to miss this, miss him. Getting up, we begin walking to my hotel entrance in silence. Both in deep thought only looking at the ground. I finally chance to look up and see the little v is back and he’s shuffling.
This is going to suck.
Before I can start a pathetic speech of ‘This was nice’ or ‘We should do this again sometime’ he looks up at me with the most heartbreaking look. Sheer panic mixed with longing a
nd undeniable sadness. It’s the first time I’ve been able to see complete raw emotion in his eyes without his mask. An overwhelming feeling of sorrow passes over me and I do what I can to not let my eyes fill with tears. A movement behind Evan catches my eye and my thoughts are immediately distracted by the two girls from earlier who almost ate pavement looking at him. He notices my sudden change of emotion and turns to face the two of them. My front to his back now, the taller one gestures with her finger towards him while their other friends look on in as much joy as she is radiating. In a shaky, nervous yet excited voice she asks, “Excuse me, are you Evan Parker?” If I only knew just how much that one tiny question would change everything.
Chapter 24
Evan Parker? Evan freaking PARKER?
That’s how I knew him.
That’s why he was so familiar.
He has been on the big screen in almost every major motion picture over the last three plus years. How could I have been so stupid.
Oh my god, what if there were cameras!
What would the headlines be? ‘Evan Parker caught with mystery woman.’ I’d be a homewrecker. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around what’s happening in front of me, I’m so angry. How could he not tell me? I feel as though that’s a very significant detail that should have been shared.
Thoughts of the past few hours’ pop into my head now. The note he passed to the hostess and the paper he signed for the girl at the information desk. They were autographs. They were fans of his. The reason why he’s wearing a hat at night. The woman in front of the karaoke bar that thought she knew him.
I’m such an idiot. How did I not put two and two together?
I wondered why we got into the 40/40 club so quickly and the reason why he never got in trouble for going after Ryan. Unbelievable.
He doesn’t move at first. Doesn’t even make a sound to the point where I think he’s holding his breath. The girls look almost uncomfortable for a minute until he makes a move towards them and his mask clicks into place.
I see it, but I don’t feel anything. I just watch as they all giggle and hop up and down in front of him. Pure giddy joy on all their faces as the rest of their friends come to join the line of autographs and pictures. I see it now. People walking past him, pointing, staring and whispering. I never noticed any of it this whole time, or maybe somewhere deep down inside I was just ignoring it because I didn’t care. He looks so incredibly uncomfortable with it all to me. To other people, his fans, they would never notice. He’s shuffling his feet as he’s talking to everyone, not a sign of Evan being comfortable.