Bittersweet Requiem
It had just begun to rain, the hard drops pounding his car. And then he saw her. She was walking. To where and why, he had no clue, but something in her face made him give her a second glance. Surely she was no stunning beauty, that’s not what made him pull over his car without thought. He didn’t know what he was going to say when the window finished rolling down, and then suddenly he did.
“Can I give you a ride somewhere?”
“No, thank you.”
Her tone was low, her voice curious, and her face full of distrust.
“I’m sorry to have startled you. But I have a question before I drive away, ok?”
She waited patiently for him to form the words.
“I think a lot can be told about a person by their answer to this question. Do you believe in love at first sight?”
“I believe one could love a puppy at first sight, but this is not the love you ask about. Human love, so I’ve heard, is much more complex than that.” Then she smiled such a bittersweet smile.
“That is the most unique answer I’ve ever gotten.”
“So glad I didn’t disappoint.”
“Don’t you love your family?”
“You said you only had one question but I’ll answer regardless --the question was not about family love. It was about true love.”
“I never said that.”
“Not with words. It was your face, your tone. It was in your eyes.”
With that, she walked away. He tried to call out to her, but his voice would not be forced. Pausing for a moment, he realized she was right. Truly complex emotion, as complex as she. The rain slowed as he started to drive again. They would meet another day.
- - -
He checked his phone to see who was still trying to get in touch with him. Soon after, he dismissed the information. Why they bothered after all this time, he didn’t know. Maybe he should change his phone number.
It had taken him a long time to figure it out, but he had realized that he needed no one. They didn’t want to understand. Last time was the very last chance he was willing to take. A beep startled him. Someone left a voicemail. If he had to guess, he’d say it was his mother. Worried was what she often said she was, even though he knew better.
“Ah, Mother, always trying to keep up appearances,” he muttered.
As for him, he was done with those petty games. His brother and sister would have to be puppets enough for her. They enjoyed the games well enough, which is the only reason his sister called every so often. Young as she was, she wanted puppets so she could be just like her mother. He began to pace. To think that they honestly believed he could be played, that he would allow it, that they would be able to trap him in that world by marriage to someone they chose. It was laughable! Sometimes, back at that place, it had felt as though he lived in the Victorian age. All his family cared about was social status, property, and wealth. How delusional he must’ve been not to see their chess pieces move, everyone vying for the checkmate. Fortunately, he had snapped out of it in time to free himself; he had left his gilded cage so he would have some chance of happiness. A box on the street would be preferable to that house of social horrors. How he wished they would give up so he could forget them.
No matter how fast or how much he paced, he couldn’t find satisfaction. He kept turning the music on and off, fiddling with the volume when it was on. As he moved, he jumped at the slightest noise. It would be perfectly natural if she knocked on his door. Granted his nerves would probably have him twitched into next week if that actually happened, as illogical as the whole concept was. She didn’t know his name, and he had no way of finding her. And yet, that was okay, too. No one had ever lit his curiosity on fire before; his apathy had known no bounds. Exhaustion was overtaking him. Thankfully, minutes later, it started to rain.
- - -
He was dodging raindrops when he finally saw her again.
“Wait! Stop! I’ve been looking for you!”
She paused, perhaps hoping he’d say something else. But his brain had frozen.
“People seek things, such is life.”
“Why?” His body felt so full of mixed emotions.
“It’s human nature.”
“And if they can’t find anything?”
“Then it finds them.” Her voice was soft, almost a whisper.
“How do you know?”
“I don’t.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“Doesn’t it? Everything and everyone in the world is lost. Eventually something must be found.”
“What I’ve found thus far isn’t what I’ve wanted.”
Quietly, she sighed. “Of course not. Things change, you change.”
“True.”
“But it’s been what you’ve needed.”
“Who needs pain?”
“Everyone.”
Silence fell between them.
All around, the rain slowed, and as it did, he wiped it from her cheeks. Without consulting the rest of him, his feet turned so he could walk away. As they moved, he marveled at how calm he was. Then he remembered something. Turning, he saw her back as she drifted away in the other direction.
“I forgot to ask your name! Tell me!”
“Shay!”
- - -
That conversation kept sneaking back into his thought, despite how many times he banished it. What had possessed him to touch her like that? At least she hadn’t slapped him, not that he would’ve blamed her. Actually, he was surprised that she hadn’t. He laughed quietly at that moment locked in time. Whatever had happened to her that made her reactions so unpredictable, he was happy for. Guilt stepped on him then. The agony that had crept into her voice toward the end of that conversation was no laughing matter.
- - -
“Shay?”
“Hey, question man.”
“I wonder if it will always be raining when we meet.”
“The sun has to shine sometime.”
“Why does the sun make you sad?”
“I never said that.”
He laughed quietly while choosing his response. “It was in your tone. In your eyes.”
After a few moments she muttered, “I suppose it would be, wouldn’t it?”
“Don’t worry. I still don’t understand you.”
“And why would that worry me?”
Her icy eyes compelled him to back-pedal, even though they both saw the lie. “I’m not sure.”
A comfortable silence fell between them. Shay seemed reluctant to make eye contact, and so he waited, knowing it was her move. So they stood in silence, he hoped she would decide soon. Some nice cars driving past caught his attention. When he looked back, her face was bold. Their eyes met and there was no way for him to know what she saw, though he desperately wished to. All he saw was the beautiful color of her eyes and their depth. But he could not see her soul as he had others. He wasn’t worried about that, though; it only proved that which he already knew. To get to know her, understand her, would take time, not to mention her cooperation. Just because he felt like he knew her, had noticed some of her habits, didn’t mean anything. If he knew anything, it was only that she had the same fear as him, the fear of getting close enough to understand and be understood. To his frustration, despite his fears, his curiosity would not be deterred.
Content with whatever it was that she saw, she sighed, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth. “You are afraid of being perceptive. How interesting.”
He battled the impulse to smile at the expression on her face. “Ah, the things you accuse me of.”
“I may be wrong, but I doubt it.”
“Are you always right?”
“No, of course not. But if I’m right, you should trust your perception. It can teach you things that no one would ever tell you.”
“You sound like a bad fortune cookie.”
Laughing again, she waved as she moved to walk away.
He groaned, “Now you made me hung
ry!”
With that, they went their separate ways.
- - -
She was right, of course, but he’d never tell her that. Had he trusted his perceptive abilities, that woman never would have been able to trick him. Yes, their mothers had introduced them, but the levels upon levels of ulterior motives had blown it to pieces. The worst part of it? His idiotic self still loved her. And there was nothing he could do about it. No matter how much he wanted to hate her, even though he knew she had never loved him, it changed nothing. Every single person he had trusted had betrayed him; friends, family, everyone. This way, he had a chance for a new start, but regardless of how disrespectful his family had been to him, he couldn’t cut them out without guilt. That was the only reason he kept the same phone number. Now, on the other hand, if that woman called him, he might answer. After that fiasco at their engagement party, he wanted her explanation. But she would never be sorry and her pride made her think he deserved no rationalizations. As painful as that entire memory was, he was glad the toxic people were gone from his life.
- - -
“Hi, there.”
“Did you ever find your fortune cookie?”
He smirked, “You’re here now. What’s my fortune for today?”
“Give me a few minutes and I’ll tell you.”
“Okay. Great weather we’re having lately.”
“I suppose.” Lightning slashed through the clouds.
“You’re right. This storm is pretty weak.”
With the way the rain was falling, it made everyone without an umbrella look like they were crying. Maybe that was the appeal. Granted, if you didn’t like the rain, this was a bad place to live.
“The rain soothes your soul the way nothing else can.”
“You’re speaking for both of us when you say that.”
As she laughed, he was thrilled at his ability to bring laughter to someone so unlike himself. Someone that deserved laughter and joy. A kind of person that he’d never met, that he might never meet again. Sadness filled him at that thought.
“Something just happened behind your eyes,” she stated as her own probed him. “Tell me.”
“I thought we never mentioned details. If I’m mistaken, I’d know more about you.”
“You’re right. It’s better this way.”
He groaned internally. “Better for whom?”
“You. Of course.”
That put the smirk back on his face. “Just keeping telling yourself that, fortune cookie.”
Her eyes rolled, seemingly of their own volition, though the laugh that followed was forced.
At that moment, the wind whipped her long hair around and slapped him in the face.
“Ow.”
“Sorry,” she muttered, trying to tame her now unruly hair. After she had it mostly tied down, he tucked that which was free behind her ear. If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought she blushed.
Their eyes locked, unlocked, and then they both left.
- - -
“Hello again.”
Her low voice near his ear startled him. For a few moments he thought he had imagined it. He had to check. Sure enough, she was standing right behind him, her tentative bittersweet smile almost as bright in his view as the sun shining behind her.
“Hi, Shay.”
Something in her face was different, or the way she carried herself, something; he couldn’t place it. As he pondered, she spoke again. “No questions for me this time?”
“Only one.”
Silence roared between them.
“What took you so long?”
Laughter spilled from her as it suddenly started down pouring.
About the Author
Angela is a simple woman who lives to write and sleep and adventure.
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Please enjoy a sneak peek of Angela Koeller’s published novella, Forsaken.
Forsaken