Chapter 13. `The Devil walks about like a roaring lion' - 1 Peter 5. 8
Seraphinaria had been starving herself until she weighed 73 lbs. This was well above her goal weight, but she seemed emaciated enough to convincingly pose as a Krull refugee. Luke's cheeks were sunken and with his shirt off you could see all of his ribs. The two of them arrived at the main gate thoroughly exhausted. They were challenged by sentries atop the wall and they declared themselves citizens of The Krull Republic, and claimed they were the victims of brigands, and they said they were seeking refuge in Cúchulainn, being careful of course not to call it Cromwell Town. The gate swung open and the Hibernian guards waved them in. They were given many cups of water to quench their thirst. Then they sat in the guard house until a woman came to meet them. She took them to some barracks where they first bathed, and then were fed, and then were shown to some beds where the could sleep after "their exhausting 50 mile hike through the mountains after being attacked by brigands".
The next morning Luke awoke from his sleep to find a lovely blonde 14-year-old girl named Debra pulling him out of his bed. She was running hot water for Luke's bath and Debra was soon pouring bubble bath into the tub and then giving Luke, plunged up to his neck in warm water and white bubbles, a good scrubbing. The two of them were talking about those terrible brigands - big mean males. `That's odd that Seraphinaria was not assaulted by those men,' said Debra. `Most brigands are the worst sort, you know. They'll force themselves upon a woman as readily as they'll steal money from her.' Debra was saying all this as her hands were on Luke's body, as she scrubbed his shoulders and back and chest etc. extra clean with a bar of soap. At one point Debra said she was very lonely because all the young men and teenage boys were killed in the wars. And then Debra told Luke, flat out, that he, a 9-year-old boy, was not too young for her, a 14-year-old girl. Debra was saying that in 10 years, or 5 years for that matter, no one would care about the difference in their ages. Luke told Debra that she was very lovely and wonderful, though he was thinking it was all a subterfuge: Debra was just part of the vetting process. When the bath and then breakfast were finished, Debra insisted on giving Luke and Seraphinaria a tour of the city. When they got back from their tour some other girls insisted on helping Debra give Luke yet another bubble bath. This really put Luke on his guard and ready for the sucker punch - and the sucker punch would come when these lovely girls giving him his second bubble bath that day would begin to fire questions at him: what are you doing here? what do you want? tell us about your friends. If you are really from Krull then describe for us your home town. Aren't you really a spy from Avallonia? Those sorts of questions. But the girls never asked those questions. Luke was fed and clothed and treated to wonderful hospitality, as was Seraphinaria. For three days both of them were treated with nothing but great kindness. But then the hammer fell. On the fourth day armed female soldiers brought the both of them to the office of the sub-commander of the town garrison, a Captain Kate O'Callaghan.
`Your accents are not too bad, but they are still wrong,' began the Captain. `We were confident right away that you were not Krull refugees because you smelled too sweet. Real Krull refugees just stink to high heaven, and most of them are still fat, and they have lice in their hair and in their clothes. Still, you might be a new sort of Krull refugee. But how many times, Luke, did you force the words SKED-yool and TohMAYtoh into your conversations with Debra? And both of you are wrong in your pronunciation of some other Krull words…….So, the plan here is to take you downstairs and introduce you to the tigers. I got a real bad-ass boss, and, well, he will throw you into the tigers' cage if you don't cooperate with us. I don't want to throw you to the tigers, but I got kids at home, I got a mortgage, I have to hold down a job to pay all the bills. I don't think I'm being unreasonable in asking for a little cooperation out of you. I mean, see it from my position. I'll be out on the street and homeless if I don't do my job. Be reasonable please. Anyone with eyes in his head can see you two are Avallonian spies. We want you to tell us where your associates are, and we will want you to go back to Avallonia and work as spies for Hibernia. All we can find is some women and a crowd of kids up in the high country. Tell me you're not with them! Please tell me you weren't stupid enough to think that that little outfit could conquer this city for Avallonia! That's just too pathetic to even be funny. That's just so damn depressing to think anyone could be so damn stupid as to think that that little outfit of women and children could conquer this city. I'm serious. To bring all those kids all this distance - that just depresses the crap out of me. Did you really think you were just going to cross over the mountains, walk up to the walls of this city and defeat my soldiers? I just find that kind of stupidity depressing enough to make me weep for all humanity. Perhaps they are just a diversion. But where's the big army? Where is it? We can't find anything within the borders of Hibernia. Anyway, the usual routine around here would be to introduce you, Luke, to my assistant - Maria - she's a lovely, sweet, beautiful girl, at least on the outside. She'll give you another bubble bath, then she'll tuck you into bed, then she'll go back to her room, then an hour later she'll be back in your room saying she had a nightmare and she's scared, so she'll ask if she can sleep with you in your bed, then she'll climb in and soon enough her sweet arms will be around you and she'll be kissing you and asking you lots of questions, you, know, what is your real name? where are your associates? what is your mission? do you agree to work as agents for Hibernia against Avallonia? but if you're still not cooperating with this sweet and beautiful girl, if it's just name rank and serial number from you, then she will leave the room, saying she'll be back in a minute. So she leaves and it's pitch black in your room. Then the door opens again and you're thinking it's Maria who's coming back to crawl back into bed with you again, so there you are laying in bed while the beautiful young woman gets back into bed with you, but what you don't know, because it's pitch black in the room, is that it’s a different woman. But you can sense something is wrong pretty fast because when the new girl puts her arms around you, you can sense she's a big hefty girl. And then when the new woman speaks, man are you are freaked out, because it's this mean old hag lying next to you, and she sounds just how you'd expect a hideous old witch to sound. Her name is Grendel. Well if you don't spill your guts to Grendel then we just take you down stairs and put you in a small cage that's right next to the big cage that's full of tigers. And the roars and screams of these tigers are just unbelievable. The tigers are kept in darkness 12 hours out of 24, and they are just pissed as hell, and probably half-insane, and when they scream you just can't believe how loud they are, and their screams just drive sane people insane. So you'll sit in the little cage until the big bad-ass boss gets back in town - you have to cooperate with him - or else that vicious SOB will throw you to the tigers. I've seen him do it to people. I've seen him throw little kids into the tigers' cage! Some days I really hate getting out of bed and coming to my job. Maria called in sick today, and I don't want to throw you into bed with Grendel unless you were first in bed with Maria - because of the contrast thing, you know, the shocking contrast between being with a beautiful sweet girl one moment and then suddenly realizing you're lying in bed with a nasty old witch the next moment - being taken unawares like that - getting the full dose of that frightful shock of horror one gets when one suddenly realizes one is no longer next to the lovely Maria, but next to the monster, laying right next in pitch darkness to a really nasty hag. This is the key psychological matrix which makes most enemy agents capitulate to us immediately - but you seem like really nice people, just good people - and I think it would be a classy gesture of me to help you nice people a little, by explaining the method of operation around here. There's a soft and sentimental side to me a mile long. I suppose it will get me in trouble some day, and there's also the consideration that it makes no sense to throw you to Grendel without letting you first meet Maria, and as I s
ay she called in sick today. Maria looks beautiful on the outside but I suppose she can be as cruel as a wolf on the inside, and Grendel is just a sadistic old hag inside and out. She has danced in the Beltane abominations for the last 50 years even though the priests are always threatening to burn her. Unlike Maria, Grendel loves her job and she never calls in sick. So, either start talking right now - tell us who you really are, tell us where your associates are, agree to work as spies for us in Avallonia, or else we'll go down stairs and I'll put the both of you into a little cage right next to the big cage holding the tigers. And you'll sit in that cage until you either cooperate or until you die in the jaws and claws of the tigers. And believe me the boss will throw you to the beasts, because I've seen him do it before.'
`But we aren't spies from Avallonia,' exclaimed Luke.
`We are Krull refugees and we protest this inhospitality from our Hibernian allies…' said Seraphinaria.
`Oh lady, please!' exclaimed Kate O'Callaghan. `You brought this kid to my country. Why? Did you think that if you got control of the wall, and then if you got control of the guard house and the gate, you could hold out until an Avallonia Army arrived? I can summon an army of 20 male soldiers and 1,000 female warriors here in two days. But I wouldn't even need them. Just with the home guard alone, we have guns that can shoot a stream of kerosene 200 feet. If you were barricaded in the guard house we could have burned your little troop to a crisp in ten minutes. I wouldn't do it but my commanding officer would.'
`We just want to go back to our Krull homeland,' said Luke.
`Oh what have you done? What have you done to me?' exclaimed Katie O'Callaghan. She was becoming hysterical and looked as if she was about to shed tears. She took a minute to compose herself, and then announced: `My commanding officer is going to throw some of those kids sitting up by the pass to the tigers if you don't co-operate. I swear to you he will do it.'
`But we are innocent,' pleaded Seraphinaria.
`Oh stop it!' interrupted Katie O'Callaghan, who still looked as if she was about to weep, as she cut Seraphinaria off and motioned to 4 guards, two male and two female.
`Take these two downstairs and put them in the little cage right next to the big cage holding Killer and Ripper, Devil Cat and Screamer. Maybe they'll be more reasonable in a few hours.'
Luke and Seraphinaria got out of their chairs and were escorted out of Kate's office by the 4 guards.
`I'll tell you what you two are,' said one of the male guards, as he led the captives to the dungeon. `You are agents of the Devil because you are agents of the heretick queen of Avallonia, and she is the puppet of the Devil.'
`The Roman Pontiff is the true leader on earth of the True Church,' said the other male guard. `You would know that except you are fools and heretick minions of a heretick whore-queen. Lest ye do penance and return to Mother Church, the Church of Rome, ye swine will surely burn in Hell.'
`Aye, they are blind fools and accursed like their accursed Cromwell,' said a female guard. `The promise of the keys was made by Christ to St. Peter and to St. Peter's heirs. Is that heretick whore who calls herself Queen Brittany the successor of St. Peter? Nay! Do ye hear me? I say Nay!'
`We don't like to throw unshriven sinners to the tigers,' said the other female guard. `But we obey orders, and the priests say that hereticks are agents of the Devil, and agents of the Devil deserve death.'
They left a candle burning as they locked Luke and Seraphinaria in the cage and then departed from the dungeon to the sound of roaring tigers.
`I suppose we will have to co-operate,' said Luke.
`I suppose,' said Seraphinaria.
`I hope you aren't depressed about that woman's words about how pathetic, how wretchedly pathetic…'
`Well, how could I not be upset? She's right of course. It was pathetic of me to think our little troop could conquer this city. It was just pathetic.'
`Even me - a wee 9-year-old - ought to be old enough to see it was madness to bring all those toddlers all this distance - but I had visions of conquest dancing in my head,' said Luke. `You start thinking about how it is that if 8 warrior women can get atop the wall, and if they can take control of the wall without raising the alarm, and if we got some hostages and then took control of the guard house, and if we could take the city without shedding any blood, and if the Avallonian Army didn't take too much time, then we can hold the city until it did arrive. But it was all madness.'
`There's always the chance they'll toss us to these tigers even if we promise to co-operate,' said Seraphinaria.
`Don't feel you have to explain to me every horrifying possibility that might happen to us.'
`Yeah. Say, you're still pretty thin despite all the food your friend Debra has been giving you. See if you can squeeze through these bars.'
`My rib cage isn't that small.'
`Yeah.'
`So how do we convince them we will be good spies for them?'
`Probably by trashing Queen Brittany. We might say to them that we know the scriptures are clear there is only one True Church, and since it is madness to think Queen Brittany is God's Supreme Agent on earth, and since it is idiotic to think the church of Avallonia is God's True Church, it must be right to grovel at the feet of the Roman Pontiff. Once we get out of this cage and get back to Avallonia we can go back to saying the Church of Rome is the whore of Babylon.'
`Won't they keep our friends as hostages?' asked Luke.
`I suppose so. We'll just stall as long as we can, and hope for the death of the cruel old male geezers.'
The minutes dragged by and the tigers ceased to roar so often. An hour passed and then another and another.
`Here they come,' said Luke as he heard the door at the top of the stairs open, as a ray of light illuminated the dungeon.
`Katie O'Callaghan and me will rescue ye poor lost deluded creatures,' said the lovely 14-year-old Debra O'Donnell as she descended the stairs and approached their cage, amid the renewed screams of the tigers. `Ye reject Rome and ye blaspheme in saying the Bride of Christ is the whore of Babylon, but perhaps we can convert ye before ye die, perhaps ye will yet suckle the true religion from the Bride of Christ, the Church of Rome, which is the True Jerusalem, the Mother of God's True Children - if ye don't convert then your erring souls are surely damned to hell forever. But we can be patient with ye. Kate and her lads and her lass are waiting for us above. She'll get us past the guards at the gate. We will get ye back to your people loitering in the wilderness, and all of us can then escape this country before the cruel devil-boss returns. We are not war criminals. Besides, I love you, Luke, darling. I love you.'
Debra was fumbling with the keys as the tigers continued to roar and scream at her intrusion.
Seraphinaria and Luke were expecting Vyryvyr to appear at the top of the stairs at any second. And if she didn't show up they were expecting the vicious commander of the city to appear at the top of the stairs, at any second.
When Luke and Seraphinaria were finally free they sprang with Debra up the stairs and down corridors until they found Kate and her children. Kate's family came prepared for a long hike, bringing food, water and warm garments.
They drew the hoods of their cloaks over their faces to conceal their identity as they passed the sentries and proceeded through the main gate. Night had fallen as they trudged through the snow, as they began their 30 mile hike to the top of the pass where they expected a joyful reunion with 29 people. Luke didn't know where the witch was. He didn't know if she was near or far. But he was thinking they had beaten the Devil because he was relieved to see they were quickly putting some distance between themselves and the sentries atop the wall. It was a very long hike back up to the top of the 15,000 foot pass. Luke had plenty of time to contemplate his adventures. He had the time to think about the book he might write: he survived the witch, Vyryvyr, and her huge pack of 1,000 wolves; he escaped the cage close to the terrifying man-eating tigers; he,
a 9-year-old orphan boy, had found a beautiful 14-year-old girl-friend; he and Seraphinaria had been rescued by Kate and Debra, but in some sense they also rescued Debra and Kate and her kids. In their attempt to re-conquer Cromwell Town they set the wheels in motion which got Kate and Debra away from their vicious boss and their vicious jobs, jobs which very infrequently yet nevertheless sometimes involved throwing kids into cages filled with hungry tigers, and getting them away from that sort of thing was not something that was pathetic. Luke looked behind him again and again to make sure no one was following them. It was difficult to see very far because the only illumination was dim starlight. And then the wind was howling round them, blowing streamers of snow which engulfed them as they made their escape from the City of Cúchulainn.
The End
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