IT TOOK ALL CAROLYN’S self-control to sound normal when Hannah called to announce she was in a room two floors up. Her fingers dug into her palms. Gray’s eyes bored into her, no doubt trying to guess her reaction. She couldn’t read the expression on his face. There’d been anguish and horror and shame there when he’d told her of his first days as a vampire. Now he’d schooled his features into a mask of blandness. A defensive measure, she supposed.
“So, what’s the next step?” Hannah asked brightly, oblivious to the turmoil that filled Carolyn’s mind.
“Uh, I’m not sure,” she said, trying to keep her mind focused on the conversation. If she let slip that something was wrong, Hannah would rush down to “help,” and Carolyn didn’t think she could take that right this minute. “Jules is going to try to get prints from Drake. Let’s wait and see what he comes up with before we go plunging back into danger.”
There was a telling silence on the other end of the line. “It’s not like you to suggest we sit and wait.”
“Sometimes that’s the wisest option. I don’t particularly want to go poking around when there are riled-up vampires roaming the streets, do you?”
Hannah sighed. “Okay, I guess you have a point. You want me to come down and keep you company?”
“No thanks, Hannah.”
“Hmm.” Carolyn could almost hear the gears in Hannah’s mind turning. Luckily, her best friend decided to let things slide. “Call me if you need anything,” she said.
“Will do.”
With a deep breath, Carolyn hung up the phone and turned to face Gray. His lips twisted into a brittle smile that looked more like a grimace.
“So, are you measuring me for a nice big stake?” he asked.
She rolled her eyes. “Of course not.” She shifted uncomfortably on the bed, wishing her feelings would just line up in an orderly fashion and make sense. “I won’t tell you that story isn’t … disturbing.”
“That’s one word for it.” Gray rose from the chair he’d collapsed into when he’d finished talking. “Look, the reality is that there’s no guarantee I can keep the beast under control at all times. That’s why Jules is so suspicious of me. And that’s why you should walk away and have nothing more to do with me.”
Unbelievably, he started toward the door. Carolyn leapt to her feet, confusion replaced by fury. “Don’t you dare!” she shouted, loud enough that his shoulders hunched as if he expected a blow.
“Carolyn—”
“No! Don’t give me your pitiful excuses about how you have to keep yourself away to protect me. That’s the decision you made three years ago. It sucked then, and it sucks now. Let me decide if I need protecting instead of making these goddamn unilateral decisions of yours.” Her chest heaved with anger and pain and fear, for if she allowed him to walk out that door she doubted she’d ever see him again. She might not be entirely clear in her mind how she felt about him these days, but she knew she didn’t want him to storm out of her life with all these issues unresolved.
He took a couple of steps closer, his eyes shining with a ferocious light. She had to fight an irrational urge to retreat.
“You know what I’m capable of,” he growled, leaning into her space. “You’ve seen how much I’ve changed, you’ve seen my temper. Now you know what happens to me if I’m pushed to the extreme. You’re better off without me.”
God, she wanted to slap him and see if that would jiggle his common sense back into place. “You don’t get to make that decision for me, asshole!” Fury heated her cheeks and she poked him in the chest to punctuate her point.
Gray’s hand darted out and seized her wrist with what felt like bone-crushing force. She yelped, and his grip loosened immediately, though he didn’t let go. The part of her mind that was still capable of rational thought noted that this “ferocious,” “dangerous” man who thought he might be a danger to her had shied away from hurting her even when he was in high temper.
“What are you trying to do, Carolyn?” he asked, his voice softer now but no less fierce. Behind the anger in his eyes, she thought she glimpsed the shadow of a lost little boy, looking for someone to show him the way home. “Do you think you can save me? Surely you’ve learned from your work on the force that there are some people who are beyond help.”
“You’re not one of them!” she blurted, an instinctive outcry rather than a reasoned response.
He blinked a couple of times, and his Adam’s apple bobbed. “You don’t know that,” he said, but he sounded less sure of himself.
“I know you.”
He flinched, finally letting go of her wrist. “You know the man I used to be. I keep telling you, he’s dead.”
“It’s easier for you to think that, isn’t it? Easier than to think—”
Gray raised his hand as if he were about to hit her. His eyes had gone wide and wild, but she knew a feint when she saw one. Even when he started to swing, she didn’t flinch.
“Goddamnit!” he shouted as his hand fell back to his side, his shoulders heaving as he panted for breath. Sweat beaded his face and stained his T-shirt.
Carolyn reached out and put her palm against his chest, feeling the frantic hammering of his heart. “I don’t scare easy, Gray. Remember?” She said it very softly, slowly sliding her hand up his sternum and over to his rigidly tight shoulder.
A strained laugh escaped him and he shook his head. “As far as I can tell, you don’t scare at all.”
She wouldn’t have gone that far herself, but if that’s what Gray wanted to believe, at the moment she was happy to let him. Somehow, in the midst of all the shouting, she’d figured out that his revelation didn’t change anything. Whatever Kate Henshaw had made him do all those years ago, he was no longer under her power. And no matter how uncomfortable he was with his new, more volatile self, he had much more self-control than he gave himself credit for.
She almost smiled when it occurred to her that in a way, he seemed more human now, when he was capable of having a world-class temper tantrum, than he had in the old days when he refused to raise his voice.
Gray sucked in a quick, pleasured breath when she squeezed the tight knot she found between his shoulder and his neck. Wordlessly, she guided him to the bed and urged him to sit down. Then she climbed onto the bed behind him and started to work his shoulders in earnest. He sighed in pleasure, the muscles relaxing under her hands.
Her fingers kneaded the nape of his neck, brushing away damp tendrils of his silky hair. He made a sound almost like a purr, and she smiled. Sliding her hands down his back, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his nape. His purr turned into a moan as she tasted the salty skin with the tip of her tongue. She pulled his T-shirt from his pants and slipped her hands inside, her fingers exploring his well-muscled back while she continued to lick and nibble around his neck. Her lips brushed over his pulse point, and she could feel the renewed throbbing of his heart.
Gray started to turn, no doubt to grab her and pull her into his arms.
“No you don’t,” she said, her hands bracing against his back to keep him still. Her words might have been a tad indistinct, seeing as his earlobe was between her teeth at the time, but he seemed to get the message.
At her urging, he raised his arms, letting her draw the T-shirt off over his head. She kissed her way down his spine, loving the taste of him, loving his little gasps of pleasure, loving the way his fingers dug into the edge of the bed to keep him from turning around.
“You’re killing me,” he complained breathlessly.
She chuckled. “Just you wait,” she warned, and he groaned. She figured she’d given his back enough attention for now. “Why don’t you lie down and make yourself comfortable?” she said, moving out of the way so he could comply.
He looked at her, a wolfish grin on his face. “The only way I can make myself comfortable is to bury myself inside you. Now.”
His words shot a bolt of desire through her entire body, but she wasn’t ready to give up
control yet. She smiled at him. “Lie down.”
He stuck out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout. She leaned forward and took his lip between her teeth, giving it a little suck before letting go. His eyes glittered as he lay back on the bed, folding his arms and resting his head on his hands. She could only describe his smile as smug.
She flattened both her hands on the middle of his chest, rubbing up and down his sternum, enjoying the texture of his skin, the firmness of his muscles beneath. His eyes slid closed and he sighed in quiet contentment.
But quiet contentment wasn’t what Carolyn was aiming for. She leaned over and planted a soft kiss in the center of his chest. Her fingers brushed over his nipples, which pebbled at her touch. When her kisses started heading in that direction, he sucked in a sharp breath of desire and pulled his hands out from behind his head. She flicked his already hardened nipple with her tongue and his back arched under her. She played with his nipple, using teeth and tongue and lips, until he squirmed desperately beneath her and buried his hands in her hair.
“Carolyn, please,” he begged, his voice so breathless she could barely make out the words.
She chuckled and raised her head, checking out the impressive bulge in his pants. “That looks uncomfortable,” she said, meeting his heavy-lidded eyes.
“Only you can make it better.”
His words made her heart constrict in a strange way, but she refused to let her tumultuous emotions overwhelm her. Instead she smiled and trailed a finger up the length of him, so hot and hard and tempting under the heavy denim of his jeans. He reached down to open the button, but she quickly grabbed his wrists.
“Uh-uh,” she said. “Let me do that.”
He growled low in his throat. “Then hurry up.” His chest rose and fell with shortened breaths, and when he opened his eyes wide enough she saw that they were almost black with desire.
“Patience is a virtue,” she chided, but she popped the button loose anyway. He let his hands fall away to lie clenched into fists beside him. Slowly, she dragged his zipper down. His hips lifted in an attempt to increase the pressure of her hand against his erection, but she moved with him, keeping the touch as light as possible.
When she slid her fingers into his jeans and rubbed lightly against him, only the thin cotton of his briefs separating skin from heated skin, he practically jumped off the bed. Under her hand, his erection pulsed. His fists clenched even more tightly beside him, until the knuckles turned white. His eyes were screwed shut, his face glowing with sweat. Carolyn smiled faintly. For a man who supposedly had no control over his primal urges, he was doing an impressive job of holding still for her sensual torture.
She pulled on the waistband of his jeans and he eagerly lifted his hips to let her pull them off. For a moment, she considered leaving his briefs on and teasing him further through the layer of cotton, but she wasn’t sure she could stand that herself. She wanted to feel him naked under her fingers, wanted to see his cock bob and twitch with every new sensation.
Gray opened his eyes again when she’d maneuvered his briefs off. His lips pulled away from his teeth in an expression between a wolfish smile and a grimace. His tongue played dangerously with the point of one fang. It was a threat, of sorts, but Carolyn was not intimidated. She licked her lips.
“Behave,” she told him, and he groaned in pleasured anguish.
She turned her attention to his erection, newly released from its confinement. Heavily flushed, it jutted stiffly upward, then seemed to swell even more under her fascinated gaze. With a touch as light as butterfly wings, she traced the length of it from base to tip, drawing a deep-throated moan from Gray’s throat. A drop of moisture glistened on his crown and she touched her finger to it. His hips jolted upward and she decided he had earned a firmer, more gratifying touch.
“Oh God, Carolyn,” he gasped when she closed her hand around the thick shaft and squeezed.
She dragged her hand slowly up his length, squeezing and pulling the skin taut as he writhed and tried to thrust. Her delicate hand was too small to fully encircle his girth, so she added her other hand to the effort, moving with deliberate slowness despite his growing desperation.
“Please,” he moaned. But though he writhed and begged for release, he made no move to take charge. The powerful predator lay yielding on the bed, ceding the control he so cherished.
Carolyn bent over him, pushing his legs apart so she could prop her elbow between them. The scent of his arousal, the sight of his flushed and swollen cock, almost shattered her own self-control and she pressed her legs tightly together. This slow seduction was too much fun—she wasn’t ready to end it yet.
She flicked her tongue over his crown, and she thought for one moment she’d pushed him beyond his endurance. His hands dug into her shoulders and his breath wheezed in and out of his chest. But though his hands and body quivered in conflict, he made no further move to make her stop.
There was no way she could take that impressive specimen of manhood fully into her mouth, so she settled for tasting him with her tongue, exploring each throbbing vein. Her fingers sought his balls and found them clenched tightly. The touch provoked a choked curse, and she realized he couldn’t hold out much longer.
Although she hated the necessity, Carolyn had to let go of him so she could wriggle out of her jeans and panties. He started to sit up, but once again she stopped him, pressing firmly on his chest. She was running the show this time, and she was going to finish the way she’d started.
She straddled him, letting his erection nestle among her damp curls. His back arched again as he tried to create more friction. She shuddered at the feel of him gliding over her most sensitive flesh. He reached up and started unbuttoning her blouse. She decided to let him as she moved slowly up and down the length of him. Matching groans of pleasure escaped both their mouths, and they smiled at each other in the midst of the sensual haze. Gray found the clasp of her bra and snapped it open. When his hands cupped around her breasts, she realized she couldn’t wait any longer.
“Carolyn,” he breathed as she grabbed the base of his shaft to hold him steady. The pads of his thumbs traced delicious circles around her nipples, each stroke making something clench in her core.
Slowly, she lowered herself onto him. His erection was so hard it might as well have been marble, and despite his size he slipped easily inside her. His hips thrust upward, the sweet friction so good it brought tears to her eyes. She wanted this to last forever, wanted to forget all the issues and troubles that lay between them, wanted to forget their tenuous future. If she could just live in the now, and make the now stretch out forever.
Clenching her inner muscles, she lifted up as slowly as she’d lowered herself until only his crown remained inside. His moan now sounded more like a wail, and his hips lifted desperately in an effort to keep himself buried. And yet still he allowed her to lead, resisted what must have been a nearly overpowering desire to flip her onto her back and pound into her.
Her downfall came when he slid his hand from her breast down her belly, then plunged his fingers between her legs. With unnerving accuracy, he found the swollen bud of her arousal. When his fingers toyed with it, her careful restraint shattered and suddenly she couldn’t get him deep enough within her. He thrust upward, and she met him stroke for stroke as his wicked fingers teased and coaxed. She planted her hands on his chest, giving herself better leverage, feeling the pounding rhythm of his heart. She looked into his night-black eyes, watched the pleasure gathering behind them as her own climax inexorably approached.
With a guttural cry, she broke. The spasms seized her whole body, waves upon waves of bliss shaking her to her core. She heard Gray’s matching cry, felt his body surge upward, every muscle straining. His pleasure only served to heighten her own, and for a moment she saw stars before her eyes.
When the spasms finally ceased, her muscles were too loose and sated to hold her up any longer. She collapsed on top of him, resting her ear against his chest
and listening to the drumbeat of his heart. Sweat drenched her body and she gasped for air.
The tears hit her from out of nowhere, her defenses too shattered to hold them off. A sob tore from her throat and the floodgates opened. Her rational mind tried to reel her emotions back in, but it was too late.
She loved him, damn it! And he was a vampire. He’d killed someone.
And he’d left her.
Gray’s arms wrapped around her, and if he found her childish sobs odd or out of place, he didn’t show it. He pressed her head firmly against his chest, his lips feathering over her hair as he gently rocked her and murmured soothing endearments.
17
GRAY LEANED BACK IN his chair, folding his hands over his belly as he watched Carolyn sleep. She looked mind-numbingly beautiful, lying there naked amongst the tangle of sheets, her hair tousled, her inviting lips slightly parted. Despite how thoroughly she had pleasured him not so very long ago, he hardened painfully. He’d never felt tempted to complain about their sex life when they were engaged, but man! He hadn’t known how much better it could be.
He had pulled his jeans back on when he’d slipped out of bed, and now he had to readjust himself within them. He wanted her again. Badly. But she needed to get some sleep, so he did his best to restrain himself. The pangs of desire were no doubt made worse by his hunger. If he’d kept to his regular feeding schedule, he would have fed last night. He had to make sure he fed tomorrow night. No doubt Jules could be persuaded to bring him one of those dreaded green bottles, despite his antipathy.
Carolyn shifted on the bed, the sheets sliding away enough to reveal the swell of her breast. Gray’s heart constricted with longing. God, what he would give to turn back the clock three years, to have a second chance to make her his wife! What a shallow, callous fool he’d been back then, not to recognize how lucky he was to have her. Even before he’d been bitten, he’d been in danger of driving her away with his insistence that she quit her job.