As they ran down the court, Todd bumped into Ryan and said something that caused Ryan to push Todd again, with more force than last time.
One of the opposing players dribbled down the court, and as he went to shoot, Ryan jumped up and blocked the shot. But he was too aggressive and was called for a foul.
Ryan backed away from the free throw line as the other player scored a basket. Todd came over to him, and I hoped with all my might that Todd would do the right thing and try to calm Ryan down. They had no chance of winning if he didn’t.
Todd lightly tapped Ryan’s head. And since they were only about forty feet from us, we were able to catch part of the conversation, especially one word that stood out.
“Wait.” Tracy sat up a little straighter. “Did Todd just say something about you?”
I, unfortunately, wasn’t hearing things. There was no reason for my name to be brought up during a basketball game.
Ryan walked away from Todd. But I’d never seen him this upset. Not when I blew him off the day after Valentine’s Day, not when his friends chose Todd over him, not when his dad kept his engagement a secret. All of which had happened in less than a week.
Although I’d never craved the attention of being center court, at that instant I wanted to rush onto the court and give him a hug. But I knew there was nothing I could do. Ryan was on his own. With the majority of the school watching. With his father watching. And with Todd kicking a guy when he was down.
For the next few minutes, the banter and bumping between Todd and Ryan escalated — so much so that the coach finally called a time-out. I ignored the cheerleaders as they took to the court, and watched the coach get in both Todd’s and Ryan’s faces.
“Ah, what’s going on?” Tracy asked.
“Yeah,” Kara called out next to her. “Why are Ryan and Todd fighting during the game? Isn’t their aggression supposed to be saved for the other team?”
I looked at both of them and noticed that the majority of the Club was leaning forward to hear what I had to say. So it was apparent to everybody, not only me. I looked over and saw Ryan’s mom pleading with his dad, probably asking him to leave.
The whistle blew and they returned to the court. I felt I had to do something to let Ryan know there were people there who cared for him.
I stood up and screamed, “GO, RYAN!”
A lame attempt, yes, but little did I realize the ripple effect such a short, and anemic, attempt at support would have.
Todd started laughing right there in the middle of the game. He pointed at me and said something to Ryan.
And then something happened that I never in a million years thought I would see.
Ryan Bauer, Golden Boy and Straight-A Student, punched Todd Chesney in the face and tackled him to the floor.
There was a flurry of whistles being blown and teammates pulling the two off of each other. Gasps of disbelief, as well as a few boos, emanated from the stands. Todd and Ryan were being restrained, each by two other players, but they were both still trying to attack.
I sat there helpless and horrified as the referees came over and ejected both Ryan and Todd from the game. Todd broke away from his captors and got in the face of the ref, gesturing accusatorily toward Ryan.
Yes, it had been Ryan who’d started the fight, but Todd hadn’t helped matters. Ryan would never have acted that way unless he was pushed too far. The kind of week he had would’ve been too much for anybody.
Although it was about time someone punched Todd in the face. I only wished it had been me.
The commotion on the court finally quieted down as Ryan and Todd were escorted to the locker room by the assistant coach. They were followed by Todd’s dad and, much to my horror, Ryan’s dad.
I stood there unable to move. I knew there was nothing I could do at that moment to make the situation any better, but I also thought I needed to be there for Ryan. I mumbled something to Tracy before I slowly made my way out of the gym and around the corner to the locker room exit.
The fluorescent lightbulbs buzzing overhead kept me company, as I’d occasionally hear noise drift from the gym. And then I’d hear yelling in the locker room.
“What the hell were you thinking? What kind of behavior was that?” A voice I didn’t recognize was booming loudly. “I thought you knew better. But I guess not. I’m embarrassed to call you my son.”
I moved a few feet from the door so I wouldn’t have to be subjected to what was a very private, very demoralizing, very rough conversation. One that I was positive was aimed at Ryan.
The door swung open suddenly, which caused me to jump back.
I was face-to-face with Ryan’s dad. He didn’t even give me a glance before he stormed away. The door opened again with much less force and it was Ryan’s mom, looking visibly upset.
She stopped when she noticed me. “Oh, Penny. Good, you’re here. A friend’s watching Katie because I need to …” She looked toward her ex-husband.
“It’s okay, go,” I said, knowing that someone had to have the unfortunate task of trying to reason with Ryan’s dad.
She bolted after him. “Get back here! How dare you talk to …” Her voice faded as she went around the corner.
I heard some more voices behind the door and found myself holding my breath.
Todd and his dad both walked out. His father was going on and on about how unfair this all was. Todd was looking down at the floor but then saw my feet and looked up. A bruise had started to sprout from his right eye.
“Oh, great, come to rub my face in it?” he asked, his face hard.
“I didn’t, I’m not …” I stumbled over my words.
He laughed coldly. “Yeah, whatever. You can do whatever you want and not care about what happens, huh?”
I had no idea what he was talking about.
“It’s funny.” He gestured to his dad. “She forms this stupid club all about not changing when you get a boyfriend or whatever crap she’s brainwashing chicks with, but it’s her boyfriend who’s changed the most. What’s that called? Irony?”
I was impressed that Todd was able to accurately define the word irony. He must’ve been studying for the SATs.
Todd’s dad had his arms folded, clearly not interested in whatever it was his son was going on about. “Come on, let’s go.”
They both turned their backs on me, but I was startled when I called out, “Wait!”
Todd turned around and his father told him to meet him at the car.
“What do you want?” Todd took two steps forward. I glanced at the doors, willing Ryan to appear.
“I, I …” I suddenly felt exhausted. I was so sick of fighting. “What’s your problem, Todd? Really? So you don’t like the Club. Get over it. We’re not going anywhere. You don’t like Ryan dating me. Well, that’s not your call. Why do you keep having to poke, poke, poke at people until they snap?” I jabbed him with my finger to emphasize my point. “Poke, poke, poke. Do you really get so much pleasure in making people miserable? Does it make you feel like a bigger person?”
“Yeah, this is my doing.” He narrowed his eyes. “Let’s look at Bauer’s life since he started dating you. He’s lost most of his friends. He’s had his ass handed to him by his dad, which isn’t anything new, but I’ve never seen him so mad. And there was something else.” He dramatically tapped his finger to his lips. “Oh yeah, he’s been thrown off the basketball team for the rest of the season. So who’s really the one taking everything away from him? Not me.” Todd gave me one last disgusted look before he walked away. Leaving me alone with his accusations swirling in my head.
I couldn’t believe Ryan had gotten kicked off the team. They had only a couple games left in the season, but still. Ryan didn’t get kicked off teams. He also didn’t get into physical fights. Or into any trouble.
I was trying to make sense of what had happened, when the door opened slowly. Ryan walked out with his head down, his hoodie covering his face.
“Hey,” I said lightly,
not knowing what I could say to make any of this better.
“Hey,” Ryan replied. He lifted his head slightly to reveal a bruise forming under his left eye.
I approached him cautiously and wrapped my arms around him. His arms stayed limp at his sides for a few beats before he reached around me, his grasp tightening. I felt him exhale sharply. I held on to him. He didn’t need me to question him or try to make him think that everything was going to be okay.
Because, truthfully, I had no idea what was going to happen next. So much had already changed for him as it was. And not for the best.
After a few minutes, we heard the final buzzer echo from the gym. Ryan broke away from me. “I guess we should get going. I don’t know if I can handle an audience right now.”
We quickly walked to his car, but once we were safely inside, he didn’t move to turn on the engine. He let out a forced laugh.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
“Oh, nothing. I’m simply trying to figure out what the hell happened to my life.”
“Ryan …” I started to reason with him, but he shook his head.
“I know that this is for the best.” I don’t think even he believed what he was saying. “I used to love going to practice and playing with the guys, but it hasn’t been the same in a really long time. It isn’t fun anymore.”
“Well, that’s because of Todd.”
“I guess.” He finally turned the ignition key and pulled out of the parking lot.
He guessed? This was all Todd’s fault. Ryan would never have punched him if he hadn’t been antagonized. Yes, this was all one hundred percent Todd Chesney’s fault. How dare Todd try to lay the blame on me.
But it really shouldn’t have surprised me, because passing the buck is what cowards do.
Ryan was driving aimlessly around town. “Do you want me to drop you off at the diner? Isn’t that where you guys are meeting tonight?”
“Oh, yeah.” I glanced at the clock; the Club would be arriving shortly. “But I don’t need to go.”
“No — you should go. I need to get home and talk to my mom.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
I felt bad leaving him, but I didn’t really know what else I could say. “Do you want to hang out tomorrow?” I offered.
“If I’m not grounded,” he stated matter-of-factly.
“Oh.” I hadn’t really thought the repercussions of the game would filter outside the basketball team.
“But your mom will understand that Todd was being Todd, right?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never been grounded before, but getting into a fight, in public, seems like something that would warrant it.”
“You’ve never been grounded?”
“No. Have you?” He gave me a sideways glance, his lips curling into a grin.
“I plead the Fifth.” Of course I’d been grounded. I lived in a house where not cleaning my room, “sassing” mom, and referring to “Revolution 9” as “noise” would get me grounded. Either my parents’ tolerance for teenage shenanigans was low or Ryan really was that perfect.
It was a toss-up.
Ryan pulled over in front of the diner. “Here you go. Try not to get in too much trouble, Groundy McJuvie.”
“Okay, Grounded at Seventeen. Hey, maybe that should be the name of your memoir?”
“Not Down and Out by Seventeen?” he said. Then his face fell.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“No,” he answered. “But I’m sure it’s not going to be solved tonight. You better go in there and defend my honor.”
I tried to play it off lightly. “You punched Todd in the face, so I pretty much think the entire school envies you right now.”
“Right.” His face was blank. I had no idea what he was thinking. Maybe it was best that I didn’t know.
“Well …” I tried to think of something to say to ease his tension, but then remembered that sometimes actions speak louder than words. I leaned in and kissed him. Hard.
He pulled away. “Have a good night.”
Okay, maybe trying to make out with my boyfriend right after he was suspended from his basketball team wasn’t my smoothest move.
I quickly exited the car and entered the diner. The Club was sitting at a few tables in the back. Tracy caught my eye and stood up. “What are you doing here?”
I pulled over a chair and ignored her quizzical stare. “Ah, this is The Lonely Hearts Club meeting, right? You may have heard of me, Penny Lane Bloom? I kinda started it.”
The Club’s attention turned toward me. There were murmurs of shock that I was there.
“Guys,” I said, trying to not feel offended that they, for the first time, looked unhappy to see me. “It’s a Saturday night. Why wouldn’t I be here?”
“But Ryan …” Tracy was shaking her head back and forth like it was about to explode. “You left him?”
“No, I didn’t leave him. He said it was fine.”
But now I was wondering if it really was fine.
The whole time at the diner, I was there physically, but my mind was with Ryan. He said that he didn’t need me, but maybe he did.
I couldn’t protect Ryan from his dad or Todd. I could, however, control my actions.
And I chose to leave when I should’ve insisted on staying.
Be there for him. It was supposed to be as simple as that.
But I wasn’t there for him.
All I could do was second-guess.
IT’S FINE.
That’s what I kept hearing from Ryan anytime I brought up Saturday night or anything else, really.
But it wasn’t fine. Nothing about what was going on was fine.
Ryan did throw the first punch, but everybody at school on Monday was acting like he was a stone-cold criminal. And I was certain these were the same people who, if given the chance, wouldn’t have minded taking Todd down a peg or fourteen.
I’d gotten used to stares and whispers of accusation long ago, but this was new territory for Ryan. Sure, there was plenty of gossip when he and Diane first broke up, but it was mostly people placing bets on who’d be his next girlfriend.
The odds had never been in my favor on that one.
All day I kept looking around whenever we were together. Ryan kept saying, “Penny, it’s fine. It’s not as big of a deal as you’re making it.”
But it was.
Was he not paying attention, or did he really not care?
I was pacing around our lockers at the end of school, waiting for him so we could go back to my house to study since he didn’t have basketball practice anymore. But he was late.
Ryan was never late.
My head began to pound. Todd’s voice kept repeating in my head, saying that Ryan had changed since we’d started dating.
Had he?
It was time to examine the facts. Since Ryan and I had started dating, he and Todd were no longer friends (a plus as far as I was concerned). He no longer sat at his regular lunch table. His other friends had been keeping their distance. He wasn’t speaking to his father. He’d gotten into a fight. He’d been kicked off the basketball team.
Yikes.
Well, at least he hadn’t been grounded. His mom felt that given the “extenuating circumstances” of his dad being there, his actions, while not condoned, were understandable.
But that still didn’t explain where he was.
Hilary Jacobs walked past and probably noticed me staring at Ryan’s locker. “Hey, Penny. Ryan’s in the principal’s office.”
My stomach sank. “He is?”
“Yeah, he was called there at the end of class.”
I ran off toward the office but saw Ryan as soon as I turned the corner.
“Hey!” I said with relief. “I was getting worried.”
“Sorry, I had to talk to Braddock.” He kept up his pace.
“Oh, is everything okay?” But I could tell by his stoic look that it wasn’t.
&
nbsp; “Yeah, I mean, no. He took me off the Student Advisory Committee.”
“He what?” I practically screamed, causing people who hadn’t been staring to do so now. But of course it made sense. I was naïve to think that what happened on the court would’ve stayed on the court. Ryan probably should’ve been suspended. This was the first time I was grateful Principal Braddock notoriously favored, and often turned a blind eye to the behavior of, the male athletes at the school.
Oh God, I thought. Is this going to affect Ryan’s college applications?
“He said that he felt my actions on Saturday didn’t give him a choice. Then, of course, he wanted to discuss what chances I think they’ll have in the play-offs.”
“Is Todd still on his kiss-ass committee?”
“I don’t know.” Ryan opened his locker. “I’m trying to not keep tabs on what Todd’s up to.”
“I bet he is,” I groaned.
Ryan sighed. “It’s fine.”
I almost screamed when he said that.
“Seriously, Penny,” he continued. “It’s for the best.”
I couldn’t contain myself any more. “Is it? Is it really?”
How could he think that losing two important parts of his student life was a good thing?
He threw his hands up in the air. “What am I going to do? Nothing. I don’t have a time machine. I’ve made my choice. I have to live with the consequences.” He zipped up his jacket and started walking toward the exit.
I followed slowly behind him.
Yes, he had made a choice, hadn’t he?
He’d chosen me.
And look at the price he’s had to pay for it.
Tuesday.
“How are your grades?” I asked Ryan cautiously during lunch, hoping his stellar academic record hadn’t been jeopardized as well.
Ryan shrugged his shoulders indifferently. “They’re good.”
“Good, like normal people good or like Ryan Bauer good?” I wanted clarification, since my grades, which were decent, wouldn’t be considered good to Ryan, who thought an A-minus was average.
“Penny, they’re fine.”
Fine.
Wednesday.
I’d become hyperaware of every minute I spent with Ryan. On the outside he looked the same (except for the bruise on his face and small cut on his lip from the fight). But everything else had changed so much. I had to find one thing that was still going well for him. I had to convince myself that I hadn’t ruined his life.