“And you would have a problem with that why?”
Tracy lowered her voice. “Because things aren’t that great between you and Ryan right now. So he probably wouldn’t appreciate you causing a big scene on his behalf.”
“But I feel like I have to do something. Maybe this will show that I actually do care about him?” I reasoned as I pushed my lunch aside.
“I think what you need to do is be there for him, especially now.”
“But I’ve tried.” My voice sounded as exhausted as I felt.
“Give him some time. He feels burned. He’ll come around.” She reached out and patted my hand. “Here, have my brownie.”
Tracy loved dessert and would never give up a brownie unless I was in big trouble.
I spent the rest of lunch listening to everybody talk about their morning classes and ignored the ticking time bomb sitting at a small table in the corner of the room.
I decided it would be best for me to spend the rest of the day with my head down. If Ryan was going to ignore me, then I would do my best to ignore the panic that was starting to spread throughout my body.
It wasn’t like I hadn’t been dumped before, but the thought of Ryan breaking up with me was almost too much to handle.
As I turned the corner for Spanish class, Bruce caught up to me. “Hey, Penny! ¿Cómo estás?”
“Fine.” I didn’t have the energy to translate anything into Spanish. I was still having trouble deciphering English. “How was lunch?”
“It was good. Ryan’s a cool guy,” he said, either unaware of the problems Ryan and I were having or an excellent actor. “I actually had a question for you.”
“Shoot.” I went to enter the classroom, but Bruce paused outside the door.
“Yeah, so I was wondering if you think Tracy would go on a date with me?” His eyes filled with hope.
I hated that I had to crush his spirit.
“Tracy’s not into dating right now.” That was putting it lightly. “She’s really into the Club, so I don’t think she’s open to anybody asking her out.”
He nodded slowly. “Do you think you could talk to her for me? See if she’d be willing to go to dinner? I think she’s fantastic — funny, cute, and, you know, a bit of a spitfire.” He laughed.
I was very aware of that.
I didn’t think there was any changing Tracy’s mind, although I was a little concerned that the Club had turned her away from ever wanting to go on a date. She’d gone from constantly obsessing and fantasizing about going out with a guy to pretty much ridiculing the entire concept of dating. Maybe it would be nice for her to go on a date with a good guy like Bruce.
He’d been so supportive with Ryan and the Club, so I decided to throw him a bone. “Sure, why not?”
I figured that among the three closest people to me — Tracy, Diane, and Ryan — Tracy was the only one I hadn’t gotten mad at or into a fight with in the past twenty-four hours. Trying to see if she would go on a date was the best odds of me going for the trifecta.
Best to go big or go home.
Oh, how I wanted to go home.
I WASN’T THAT EXCITED WHEN I woke up the following morning. But then, I figured it would be pretty hard to top the awfulness of yesterday.
While I waited for Tracy to come pick me up for school, I contemplated the different ways to bring up a possible date with Bruce. I figured her driving with her baby brother in the backseat would make it less likely for her to attempt any bodily harm.
After exchanging our usual morning greetings, I decided to go for it.
“Hey, Tracy, Bruce is really interested in you.”
“Well, I do have a great personality,” she deadpanned.
Mike snickered. “Wow, a boy likes Tracy. Clearly, the world is about to end.”
Tracy shot him a look in the rearview mirror. “No, but your life will end if you keep that up.”
Mike wisely decided to put his headphones on.
I continued to plead Bruce’s case. “Would you ever think of going on a date with him? He’s pretty smitten.”
Her face turned into a scowl. “Not really. I mean, yes, he’s hot and charming and has an accent and apparently is the first guy to come to his senses about my feminine wiles, but what’s the point?”
“What do you mean, what’s the point?”
The point, it would seem, was to have fun with a cute boy. Did she need any other reasons beyond that?
“He’s going back Down Under in a few months, so what’s the point of going on a date with him? It won’t go anywhere. I mean, let’s look at any relationships in high school — they aren’t going to go beyond high school, for the most part. Bruce won’t be the love of my life, so I’d rather not waste my time.” She said it so matter-of-factly. I almost missed the old Tracy, who used to overreact to anything boy-related.
“I hear what you’re saying, but with that logic, why should I even date Ryan?” I gestured back to Mike. “Or Mike and Michelle?”
Tracy kept her eyes fixed on the road. “Yeah, like I’m touching that with a ten-foot pole. Sure, you guys could get married and live a happy life, but all I’m saying is there’s a reason why all those romance books end with the guy and girl getting together. Because if you show what happens after the first date, it will be filled with disappointments. In the real world, most of those relationships would end in a few weeks. Well, except Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. I may have a heart made out of coal, but even I can’t deny Jane Austen.”
“How romantic of you,” I teased, but what she’d said hurt. I hadn’t really thought about my future with Ryan beyond Prom. I didn’t even know if we had a future past last weekend. I had no idea if we were even still dating since there was a general understanding that people who were dating actually acknowledged one another.
“I think the word you’re looking for is realistic,” she stated before glancing over at me. I don’t know what I looked like that made her quickly reverse her feelings, but she rushed to add, “But, Pen, Ryan is really great. He makes you happy, which makes me happy. I’m simply saying that dating isn’t what I want right now. We are two different people. So don’t give up on him.”
But what she said before was sticking with me. I thought that maybe I should stop, knowing that we probably wouldn’t have a fairy-tale happily-ever-after. We’d been dating for less than two months and we’d already had more drama than all my past relationships combined.
Well, except for Nate. But I didn’t count Nate as a relationship anymore.
That hadn’t been real.
But what Ryan and I had was.
Or maybe it wasn’t.
After all, there was a time I’d thought what I had with Nate was real.
How could I tell?
There wasn’t any way to tell if Ryan’s cold front was still hovering. Because you have to be around someone to know if he’s still mad at you. The fact that he hadn’t been at his locker much was all the answer I really needed.
I was dragging my feet to get to lunch, when Bruce spotted me. He waved me down. “Hey, Penny!”
“Hey, Bruce.”
“So did you talk to Tracy?” He looked so hopeful.
I guess it was better to rip the bandage off. “Well —”
“Bruce!” Brian Reed approached us. “Hey, man, I was wondering if you could help me out with geography. Maybe we could eat lunch by my locker and go over it?”
Bruce glanced at me expectantly, but I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. “I’ll leave you guys to it. Talk to you later!” Then I hightailed it out of there.
When I entered the cafeteria to sit with the Club, I realized how stupid I was. Brian was one of Todd’s minions. And with Bruce away at lunch, Ryan was sitting at that small corner table by himself. This was a sight I didn’t think anybody had ever expected. One of the most popular people in school was sitting by himself. I couldn’t tell if people were intimidated to join him or were afraid of Todd’s wrath if they did.
I glanced over at the Club’s table and met eyes with Diane. She quickly turned to see what I was gesturing to. She got up, but I began to shake my head. This was something I needed to do. She nodded, and I headed over to the only other table besides Todd’s that I was positive wouldn’t greet me with open arms.
“Mind if I join you?” I asked with an apologetic grin.
Ryan looked up, a flash of relief registering on his face. “Sure.”
It was the most he had said to me in two days. So there, in front of the entire cafeteria, I had my first school lunch with my boyfriend.
“Bruce had to help someone study,” I explained. But Ryan’s glance darted over to where Todd was. He wasn’t stupid. Ryan knew the game Todd was playing. “So …” I let the word hang out there for a beat too long. I was going to apologize, but I had used that phrase so much in the last forty-eight hours (and, if I was being honest, the last few months) that the sentiment had lost its meaning. Sorry was only a word.
Ryan looked at me. “So … my dad called me on Sunday and requested my presence this week. It was right before you were supposed to pick me up, so I wasn’t in a good place. I’d like to say it’s better now, but I don’t know what he wants. And with my dad, he always wants something: validation, to get under Mom’s skin, bragging rights, someone to talk down to.”
I’d never met Ryan’s dad. He was like an urban legend, although he was rarely spoken of. I knew better than to bring him up to Ryan. His parents had divorced over ten years ago. His dad was some bigwig lawyer in downtown Chicago who never showed up to Ryan’s games when he said he would.
“That has to be rough,” I said, suddenly grateful for my parents. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He picked at his sandwich. “Actually, I was hoping that you could go with me. It’s at some ridiculously expensive restaurant in Chicago on Thursday. I figure we can have a nice meal on dear old Dad, if he shows up.”
I was both surprised and honored. “Of course. Whatever you need.”
“Thanks.” He gave me a weak smile. “And I think it’s time that I apologize for how cold I’ve been. It was the one-two punch of him calling me and demanding I come see him. There was no ‘How are you, son?’ It was ‘You need to come see me.’ Then you were late and I felt a little taken for granted.”
“Don’t apologize. I was a total jerk. I mean, not as big of a jerk as Todd. But still.”
A laugh escaped Ryan’s throat. “I think it would be pretty hard for anybody to achieve that level of …”
“Loserdom?” I graciously finished for him.
“Yeah.” He seemed to relax considerably. “I like how he thinks ignoring me is going to make me think that I’m the one who did something wrong. The only thing I find upsetting is that he’s tainted all these people who I thought were my friends. Who asks someone to pick sides? That’s what he asked the basketball team to do yesterday. Everybody pretty much ignored him, but they’re also not quick to stand up to him in the cafeteria. At least this way I get to eat my entire lunch without him pawing over everything I packed.”
Of course Ryan said this right as I was eyeing his bag of chocolate chip cookies. “Yeah, but, you know, it’s polite to share.”
Ryan, at first confused that I was defending Todd, then saw what I was looking at. He slid the bag across the table. As I grabbed it, he reached out and held my hand. We stayed there for a few minutes, his hand entwined with mine, grateful that we had seemed to get over our speed bump relatively intact.
He leaned forward and, like a magnet, I was drawn toward him. “I appreciate your breach in protocol to come sit with me,” he said, rubbing his thumb against the side of my hand.
“Of course. Although I should warn you that this breach might make you the target of the full wrath of The Lonely Hearts Club now. I can try to see if they’ll call off their plan for revenge, but there are some lines that can’t be uncrossed.”
“Oh, really?” He had an amused expression on his face. He quickly looked over at the Club’s table. “And what do you think the Club would do if I kissed you right now, in front of the cafeteria, the school, and those who wish to do harm to me solely for wanting to spend some time with my girlfriend?”
I silenced all those voices in my head screaming that we were going to get caught, that I was going to be taunted. “I would say that would be a bold move. Are you prepared to be a wanted man?”
He continued to inch forward. “Yes, especially if you’re referring to yourself as the person who wants me.”
I did. I closed my eyes and kissed Ryan. I ignored the murmuring and pulled away right as Tracy screamed, “GO, PEN!”
And she claimed she didn’t believe in high school romance.
A few teachers looked over at me, but by that time Ryan and I, faces fully flushed, were enjoying his mom’s homemade cookies.
Reconciliation had never tasted so sweet.
I REALIZED THAT IN ORDER FOR me to stay with Ryan and be in the Club, some sacrifices had to be made.
Nothing in the rules stated that a member had to have lunch every day with the Club. So I discussed it with the group and they understood that until order was restored to McKinley High, I would eat lunch every other day with Ryan and Bruce.
Although I didn’t know how much I wanted order to be restored if it meant that Ryan and Todd would be besties again.
By Thursday, there were more people at Ryan’s table. Not only because Diane and Tracy decided to join us, but two of Ryan’s basketball friends also came over. Bruce was delighted that Tracy was there, although I feared he took it as a sign that she liked him. Fortunately, it also meant that he stopped prodding me about my conversation with her.
Things became more relaxed at school, but as Ryan and I made our way to Chicago to see his father, his nerves were very apparent. As were mine. Every time the traffic stalled on the interstate, I was relieved to be given a few more seconds before having to meet the man, the myth, the deadbeat dad. We were going to some fancy Italian restaurant and I wore my black Homecoming dress since nothing else in my closet was appropriate. I couldn’t help but laugh when Ryan pulled up wearing his Homecoming outfit. Getting into the car gave me a glimpse of what could’ve been last year, and what our future could be.
Ryan tapped the steering wheel impatiently. “I probably shouldn’t be dragging you into my family problems.”
I placed my hand on his neck. “It’s okay. I want to be there for you. Plus, I’m so ready to carbo load.”
“Be sure to order a lot of food. Daddy Dearest has a lot of grievances he needs to pay for, and since money is the only thing that he cares about …”
The Chicago skyline began lighting up in the distance. The tall buildings glistened against the darkening night sky. As a kid, I always got chills when we drove along North Lake Shore Drive, with Lake Michigan to our left and downtown Chicago in front of us.
Although we’d budgeted time for Chicago’s notorious traffic, we were a couple minutes late as we made our way up to Spiaggia. As soon as the restaurant doors opened, I knew I was out of my depth: high windows overlooking Lake Michigan; intricate, oversize chandeliers; marble columns. Pretty much the opposite of any dining experience I’ve ever had with my family. Or anyone. Ever.
As we approached the hostess, I tried to stand up a little straighter. Which was a challenge, since walking in heels wasn’t a particularly strong suit of mine.
The hostess looked up the name, and then gave Ryan a warm smile. “Yes, I’ve been informed that one of the members of your party is running late. You can take a seat in the bar until he arrives.”
“Figures,” Ryan said under his breath as we made our way to the bar.
I scanned the small area for two seats when I spotted this tall, tanned, bottle blonde staring at us. I, in turn, was trying to not stare at her ginormous chest, but I figured if you spend that amount of money on something and wear a dress low-cut and open, you wouldn’t mind eyes straying in that direct
ion.
Right as I looked away, she started waving. I glanced behind us to find no one there.
“Do you know her?” I asked.
“No.” Ryan looked very confused by the woman’s attempt to get our attention.
She kept waving. Then she called, “Ryan! Over here!”
“Ah, well, she apparently knows you.”
Clearly fed up by us ignoring her, she came over and, to my horror, gave Ryan a huge hug. “Ryan! Finally! We meet!” Everything she said was punctuated with a bounce of her heels.
“I’m sorry, do I … ?” Ryan was clearly perplexed.
I started looking around for hidden cameras, wondering if we were on some sort of prank show. Or if Ryan’s dad had decided to hire his son a stripper for the evening.
The girl — she had to be only a few years older than us — grasped his arm tightly. “Oh. My. God. Did your dad keep me as a surprise?”
So it was a stripper, then.
“You know my dad?” Ryan asked.
“Duh!” She then held out her left hand, where a diamond the size of a tennis ball sat on her ring finger.
Oh. My. Trophy. Wife.
After reading Ryan’s expression, she put her hand up against her mouth. “Oh! No! I guess that’s what he wanted to tell you tonight. He’s going to be so mad.”
Ryan shook his head. “Let me make sure I’m getting this straight. You” — he pointed at her with open disgust — “are engaged to my dad?”
She hugged him again, her silicone smashing against Ryan’s chest. “Isn’t it great! I’m going to be your new mom!” She then giggled. And with yet another shock, I realized it wasn’t the giggle of some thoughtless ditz. It was the giggle of someone who was very, very nervous. Scared, even. She hadn’t planned for this any more than we had. Plus, if I knew anything about Ryan’s dad, it was that he liked to be in control of the situation, so she was most likely going to get in trouble for telling Ryan. Even though she had also been conveniently left in the dark.
Ryan opened his mouth before taking a few stunned steps back. He mumbled something as he headed toward the elevator and pressed the DOWN button angrily.