But we were back full circle again to the subject of Loretta blaming me for Madeline’s death. Something I’d have to live with for the rest of my life. I glanced down at my hand, swallowing that reality down again, this time knowing without doubt it was the truth.
Her hand on mine from across the table had me looking up at her, but it was only for a moment because it was all I could take before I squeezed my eyes shut.
“What’s wrong?”
“Looking into your eyes.” I said, taking a deep breath but kept my eyes shut a bit longer until I gave in and opened them again, staring into hers. “It’s like looking into hers. It’s why I couldn’t talk to you in Radcliffe. I’m sorry about that. My brothers told me you’d driven over two hours.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Nicolas,” she said, squeezing my hand, and even that had me breathing deeper. “I’m sorry. I should’ve anticipated how hard it might be for you to see me. It’s just that you’d asked me to keep in touch—”
“I know.” I glanced down at her hand in mine then up at her eyes again and tried desperately to explain why I changed my mind. How seeing her after all this time had done such a number on me again.
To my horror, I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion to the point I felt the warm tears in my eyes, and I did my best to blink them away. Mercifully, her phone dinged, and she was distracted by it momentarily.
She relayed what she read on her text. The Triple-A guy wasn’t far from where she was having him meet her at the bread outlet store we’d first stopped at. It was only then that I even noticed I’d hardly touched my food but refused a to-go container. I insisted on paying and we were out of there.
On our way back to my bike, Maggie once again apologized for what seeing her did to me. As if there was anything she could’ve done about it—except stay away. She actually offered to do just that; though I didn’t comment on any of that and I wasn’t sure why. All I knew was I couldn’t bring myself to tell her to stay away. My heart was already wondering how soon I’d need to see her again.
As we approached the bread store, she started to say she’d just get a ride from the tow truck driver and I could go, but I didn’t let her finish. “Stay on the bike,” I said then followed up with some BS about not being sure the guy would be able to get her car out of that mud.
It was partially true. As far as her car was in that road, they’d likely have to wait until the road was completely dry before risking the tow truck getting stuck too. My excuse for being there was that she’d need a ride back into town. But I was pretty sure we both knew that wasn’t true. More than likely the tow truck driver could’ve taken care of that for her as well.
But thankfully, she didn’t argue. When the tow truck driver arrived, we had him follow us back to where her car was stuck. Not five minutes into his examining the situation, he declared exactly what I’d warned. That she’d have to wait until the mud dried up a little more before he could risk driving his truck down that road.
No less than five minutes after that when he was taking all her info so he could meet her back there the next morning, he’d also started with the “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” cheesy lines.
Maggie went along, politely explaining how she’d grown up in Huntsville and they might’ve gone to school together. That shit shouldn’t have annoyed me so much, but it fucking did, especially after he took a closer look at his paperwork and read her name out loud. As if it suddenly dawned on him, yep, he did know her from way back.
“Holy shit! How’ve you been? I know you remember me,” he said with a big stupid smirk. “Steve. Steven “Smackdat” McKenzie.”
Gnashing my teeth now, I kept my thoughts to myself about the douche as Maggie went on to explain about the accident and her having lost her memory in it. As expected, Steve seemed shocked to hear it then explained about having been deployed at the time but thought he remembered having heard something about it.
Clearly, he had his facts wrong because he didn’t seem to realize Madeline died in the accident. If he had, his dumb ass wouldn’t have followed up by mentioning how crazy Maggie and Madeline used to make him. This had Maggie glancing at me subtly until he dropped his next question.
“How’s your sister doing by the way?”
“She’s dead,” I said before Maggie could respond.
Instantly, the guys eyes were on me, and his jaw dropped. As if she knew this guy had just hit a major sore spot, Maggie jumped in to explain the rest. Changing the subject from the sharp turn the conversation had taken, she asked Steve about himself.
After some more small talk, they finally got to confirming their meeting back here tomorrow morning. “So, it’s a date,” Steve said with that same stupid smile he’d worn earlier.
Maggie smiled politely but thankfully didn’t comment on that. Instead, she nodded. “I’ll just need a ride in the morning—”
“I’ll give you a ride,” I said before she could finish.
No surprise Maggie’s eyes widened in reaction. “You sure?”
“Yeah,” Clueless Steve added. “Because I can pick her—”
“I got this.” Without another word and without waiting for either of them to respond, I started my bike.
Even Maggie’s reaction to this was so reminiscent of Madeline I could only imagine she’d been watching closely to how Madeline reacted when anything even similar to this ever happened. She was on the back of my bike in the next minute, no arguing further and politely saying bye to Steve.
As I’d been waiting for Maggie to finish up with the douche, I had a thought. Even if Loretta brought her back to visit, there were places her mom wouldn’t have known about. And if she had heard about some of them like the haunted barn and a few other of our hangouts, she likely steered clear of them. Since it was still early, I could show her a few of those places. Maybe she could remember something, and it’d help with her frustration.
“Feel like driving around?” I asked, turning my head a little so she could hear me. “There are places I know about that your mom likely didn’t. Places like the pier only more accessible.”
I smiled when she nodded, and I could practically feel the excitement in her body’s reaction against mine. We drove out to where the old barn used to be; though it was gone now. There were several spots along the lake and river I hoped might jog some memories. She didn’t react to any of the spots near the lake, and I wasn’t even sure what kind of reaction I was expecting. Only what happened when we got to the side of the river and she got off my bike was not at all what I’d had in mind.
Chapter 21: Claiming Her
It was at a moment when I happened to look away that I felt her hand grab my arm. I turned to catch her, thinking she might’ve tripped. But the expression on her face scared the hell out of me. What Quino and Xavier had told me about them thinking she was having a heart attack the day she showed up was the first thing I thought, so I grabbed her other arm firmly.
“What’s happening?” I asked as her eyes began to roll back, and I thought she might faint, but in the next second, she closed them, and this even odder expression replaced the first one. I continued to hold on to her because I could swear she was about to collapse the way her eyes fluttered and her body seemed to sway. “Maggie, are you okay?”
Unbelievably, as her eyes continued to flutter in that near closed state, she laughed. When they opened and while she was still smiling, the smile flattened when she saw how freaked out I was. “Do you need a doctor?”
She shook her head, staring out into space and, to my relief, finally spoke. “No. It’s just . . . those flashes I told you about.” Her eyes were staring deeply into mine, and she seemed to hesitate but then went on. “Did we ever go to a cave?”
My eyes widened and I felt my heart squeeze. “You remember the cave?”
“Yes,” she said with a nod and still trying to catch her breath. “Well, in the flashes just now, I saw you and Madeline there, carving things on the walls, kissing and .
. .”
She paused, not finishing, but I had to ask. “And what?” I continued to peer at her, willing her to go on, even as my eyes dropped to her neck—again.
“And making out, I guess.”
I nodded, not commenting at first, despite what her seeing this did to me. It didn’t make sense; even as I racked my brain, I couldn’t remember a single time Maggie had been out there with us. That was our place, and Madeline had always wanted to keep it that way. But I offered the only thing that did make sense. That Madeline must’ve told her about the cave like she told her about everything else.
Rattling off more info about the cave because she was still staring at me in that strange way, I told her how it was Madeline’s idea and more about how insane her sister had driven me for almost a year. But it was almost as if she were looking through me; she was still somewhat dazed.
“So I never went there with you guys?” she asked, ignoring everything else I’d said. “To the cave?”
“No. Never. But like I said, she might’ve taken you there without me.”
“Take me there,” she said anxiously in that same way Madeline would. Only she sounded breathless—anxious—almost frightened even.
Without arguing—because she sounded so desperate it made me nervous—we were off to the cave. We took the short hike to the cave that was now completely overgrown, and the moment we reached it, it happened again. Though it was different this time, it was a hell of a reaction.
“I’ve been here!” She rushed inside in tears now.
I walked in behind her, my insides feeling all kinds of mixed emotions. I was just beginning to gather my wits and calm from her reaction when she stopped cold.
“Snake.” She backed up quickly.
Looking down at the slithering thing, I nodded, motioning her to walk out but kept my eye on the thing that slid away. I told Maggie more about the cave, even as she wiped tears away. How we’d kept it up and even added snake repellent back then.
While it appeared she hung on my every word, I got the feeling she wasn’t really hearing me, as if her mind was on something else Her crying had since ceased, and she composed herself. Obviously, the cave had affected her significantly, but she seemed to be trying to tone it down now. Something about that made me nervous somehow, but I didn’t understand why. It just completely unnerved me.
Her excitement about the cave strangely waned too quickly, and we moved on to other things; though there was a clear change in her demeanor. Maggie had always been far more reserved than Madeline. Maybe her emotional outburst had embarrassed her. Whatever it was, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
Maggie’s reaction to everything else I showed her that day didn’t even come close to her reaction to the cave. I still didn’t know what to make of it, but as the time passed and the more we spoke, the braver I got. There were several instances when I found myself locked in her eyes, but unlike earlier when I had to force myself to look away, I allowed myself to indulge a little longer each time. My heart could swear I was looking into Madeline’s eyes, but my head knew better.
As it began to get dark, I even dreaded saying the words. “I should probably get you back to your motel.”
It was probably just my imagination or just the craziness I’d begun feeling, but I thought I detected an air of sadness in her eyes. As if she too didn’t want the day to end. But it had to. Already, I knew I was in for weeks if not months of trying to get over this latest encounter.
When we arrived at her motel, it felt like an odd coincidence. I knew the town was still on the smallish side, but there were enough hotels in town now that it seemed odd that I’d been so close to her last night and didn’t even know it.
I mentioned how I’d been in the hotel just across the way. “If I’d known I’d be spending another night, I wouldn’t have checked out of my room today.” I glanced back at the motel room then around the parking lot of her motel. “Even this place looks packed, and that parking lot is even more packed then it was yesterday. I’m sure every room in town is booked.”
“You don’t have to stick around just for me—”
“I want to,” I said then added because I had a feeling she might insist I didn’t have to. “I’m going to.”
Her eyes grew wide, and I knew the finality in which I said it would surprise her. For someone who’d been hesitant to spend any more time with her than necessary, I must have surprised her. But I had to make sure she got her car out of that mud and got everything squared away. I knew it was what Madeline would’ve wanted me to do. To my surprise, instead of arguing, she nodded but lifted that stubborn little brow.
“I have two beds in my room, Nicolas. If you’re gonna be forced to stay on my account, then the least I can do is offer you a place to stay.”
Even if I’d tried, I wouldn’t have had a chance in hell of hiding what just the thought of being with her in the same room overnight did to me. There was no fucking way, but before I could protest, she added another two words with the same finality as I had. “I insist.”
My heart did that thing it did when I first laid eyes on Maggie at the cemetery. The same thing it did each time she said or did something in that exact way Madeline always had. I peered at her for a moment, reminding myself to catch my breath.
“What?” she asked as her expression eased up again.
“You just remind me so much of her.”
The expression on her face was now somewhat morose, almost as if she felt bad for putting me through this, but her chin quickly lifted. She pointed at the saddle bag on my bike. “Grab your things. If you insist on staying, I insist you’re staying with me.”
Left with no choice, I stood there for a moment as she walked into the room but not before turning to look at me one last time with that I’m not playing look. The motel she was staying in was one of those old school ones where you could park your car, in my case my bike, just outside the door of your room. Each room had a small porch-like sitting area just outside its door.
Taking an exasperated breath because I had no idea how I was supposed to get through this night without being permanently fucked up, I pulled my phone out and called the shop. Quino answered, and I explained I was staying one more night because I was too pooped to drive back tonight.
As soon as I was off the phone, I grabbed my duffle out of my saddle bag, took a deep breath, and manned up. Walking into that small room with her so close was almost as suffocating as the day I first laid eyes on her in that cemetery. I tried my hardest to keep my cool. I really did. I set my stuff down on the empty bed, wondering how the hell I’d be getting through this night. But I didn’t last for more than a few awkward quiet moments before I excused myself outside to take smoke.
“I was just gonna ask if you wanted to go sit out there. It’s what I did last night.”
I glanced at her as she walked over to the mini fridge in the room and pulled out a nearly full bottle of wine. She explained she’d bought it the night before but had plenty left. “I’m good,” I said, walking out as quickly as possible.
I lit up what looked like a cigar but was actually made of wood. Madeline joined me out on the small porch. I didn’t take the only chair on the little patio. Instead, I leaned against the railing, taking a hit of my cigar, and left the chair for her.
I watched as she took the seat and set her glass of wine on the small table beside the chair. While she’d managed to wash the mud off her face and hands, the rest of her clothing was still covered in the dry gunk. And yet she was still mesmerizing. I’d meant it when I said she was beautiful earlier, even when she called herself a mud monster. Nothing—absolutely nothing—could make that face look anything short of stunning.
For a moment, I was caught in the way Maggie inhaled deeply, taking in the lingering scent of what I was smoking. “That’s not tobacco, is it?”
Smiling, I shook my head, explaining how her sister made me give up tobacco almost as soon as we became a thing. How she’d been okay with
this stuff because I never chain-smoked it like I did the tobacco. Holding out the pipe to her, I offered her some.
“I’m good with my wine, thanks.” She lifted her glass at me. “I actually like the smell of that. I just can’t chance the random testing they do at the hospital where I work.”
Peering at her because I didn’t remember her ever saying it, the words were out without thought. “Maddie liked the smell too.”
Unable to look at her anymore, I glanced out into the night sky. Talking about this was a reminder of why I was certain it took a chance meeting for Maggie to ever be reminded of my brothers and me again.
“I don’t think Mama blames you for her death.”
Pulling out of my thoughts, I turned to face her. As much as I would’ve liked to share her optimism, it was impossible. Biggest loss of my life and I had to live with knowing I was blamed for it.
“I really don’t,” Maggie went on. “It wasn’t just you and your brothers she didn’t let in on our moving.”
I stared at her, wondering what that even meant, but then she went on. “I stopped at Slover’s last night to buy this stuff.”
She motioned to her wine and cheese and crackers and went on about the owners of the old merchant store in Huntsville. She said they’d introduced themselves and explained how close they’d been to her family. Loretta had left town without saying good-bye to them either or ever reconnecting.
“You and Maddie were together already when my grandma passed?”
I nodded and told her about how I’d met Betty before officially being introduced to Loretta as Madeline’s boyfriend. It was odd to tell Maggie about things I knew she should know about. But it pulled me out of the funk I’d begun to fall back into for a minute there. We even had a few chuckles, discussing how Madeline and her mother were so alike when it came to their stubborn nature. Until something seemed to come to her out of nowhere and her beautiful smile flattened. “So, you know what my grandmother died of?”