Werewolves: dirty, smelly, ugly, useless, disgusting, stupid, hairy beasts. They were by far the worst monsters that existed on the planet. I hate them with a passion and anytime I caught wind of them I would drop anything I was doing to get to them, and that was exactly what happened.
I was driving through a very nice town, searching for a vampire, but I got a tip about werewolves somewhere in Louisiana. I don’t know who sent the text and that should probably bother me but the moment I hear or read werewolf I can only focus on that and nothing else matters.
The town I pulled into was an absolute crap-hole with the biggest bunch of hicks I had ever seen. I half expected to see someone with a banjo and missing te…oh wait, there is one. Never mind. It almost made me regret my decision to come down here but all I had to do was remind myself that there were giant walking canines and that brought me back to my senses.
Everyone I passed by stared me down like they wanted to kill me or do who knows what. I didn’t let my mind go there, however.
The problem with werewolves is they are human by day and werewolves by night. It didn’t have to be a full moon and there was absolutely no way of telling if anyone was a werewolf if they were in human form. Plus, I researched this place and didn’t find anything out of the ordinary other than the fact that it had pretty much no information on it. The town was totally off the map. I started to think that something fishy was going on.
I needed to find a place to stay in case I needed to spend the night and didn’t find any werewolves. The only motel in town looked nice… compared to everything else. It still looked like it was maybe 100 years old and had been hit by millions of storms. The faster I got out of this place the better.
The man behind the front desk was wearing a John Deere hat that was torn and instead of being green it was now a puke color. His white tank top had brown stains on it and he wasn’t wearing any pants. He had on underwear at least, but still gross.
“Hello?” I said.
Without even turning his head he shifted his eyes so he could see me. After a few seconds he looked back at the TV his eyes were previously glued to.
“Yeah?” he asked.
“I’m looking for a room,” I informed him.
“OK.”
I paused for a moment.
“Do you have one?” I asked very aggravated.
“We got some,” he told me.
“Great. I would like to rent one.”
“One twenty-five a night.”
“You’re joking.”
“Not wit’ you, city boy.”
“You can’t honestly tell me that you can afford to charge that much.”
“You wanna room er’ not?”
“Whatever.” I handed him my card.
“We only take cash.”
“I don’t have any cash on me.” I usually have some for emergency. Fate would have me be without any in this butthole of a town.
“Well then, I guess that puts you wit out any luck.”
“I don’t suppose there is an ATM machine around here?”
“No, city boy.”
If I didn’t find a werewolf to kill in this town then I was going to find time to kill this jerk off. Customer service certainly did matter to the people in this part of the country.
“You don’t get too many customers do you?” I asked him.
“Either pay, or git the hell out,” he said.
I leaned in really close, making sure I was within a foot of his face.
“I don’t like you,” I said.
“Yep,” he replied.
I walked out of there, furious. There wasn’t another town within 50 miles so I had no way of getting money and getting back in time, nor did I have a car to sleep in.
When I stepped out of the small shack I almost walked into a monster that I was not expecting.
It was an alligator. The thing was quick too because it snapped up at me and I barely got my leg out of the way in time. I almost took my axe and swung it down at it but in reality it was a just a creature trying to live its life.
The alligator kept hissing at me and slowly stalked toward me. I could see behind the motel there was a swamp and I assumed that is where it came from. I couldn’t just let it wander around the town and attack anyone. As it snapped at me again I jumped out of the way and grabbed it by the tail. I dragged it back to the swamp and threw it in. Why couldn’t I have ended up in the town 50 miles back? It was so much nicer and alligator free, I think.
I ventured back towards what I would call the center of the town and thought about what I was going to do. I had nowhere to spend the night and I was going to have to stay in the town to see if there was a werewolf. There wasn’t enough time for me to go looking for a place because it was only a few hours until dark and the closest town was too far to get back in time. It didn’t matter, though. I was going to make sure that the werewolf would be dead by the end of the night.
There was a store that looked like it acted as a restaurant as well so I decided to venture in and see if I could get something to eat. I had to hope that the whole town wasn’t credit card free.
When I walked through the door my attention was immediately drawn to the man behind the counter. He looked completely out of place. He wore a nice collared, button-up shirt with clean jeans and his hair looked like it had gel or something. The man clearly took care of himself and he had a full set of teeth. What I found most interesting about him was that when he noticed me he seemed thoroughly surprised. I’m sure he was just as shocked to see a normal person as I was.
I walked up to the counter.
“Hello,” I said.
“Hi,” he replied with a smile. He didn’t have a southern accent. “What can I help you with?”
“I’m looking for something to eat.”
“Try the tuna sandwich. It’s good.”
“Do you take card?”
“Yes.”
“Alright. I’ll take one of those.”
“Be right up.”
He walked away to start making my much-needed sandwich.
“So what brings you down here?” he asked me.
“Traveling,” I told him.
“Kind of far off your way?”
“Not really. I’m just passing through.”
He laughed. “No one ever comes through here. Where are you headed?”
“Nowhere really. Just kind of traveling around the country.”
“You coming from the east coast?”
“Yeah.” He sure did have a lot of questions but I’m sure he wasn’t used to seeing too many strange faces.
“I’m from the east coast myself.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah,” he replied.
He handed me my finished sandwich.
“What do you do for a living?” he asked me.
I didn’t want to tell him the whole truth but I figured I could give him half. “I’m a bounty hunter.”
He didn’t seem intimated nor was he skeptical. “A little young for that aren’t we?”
“I’m old enough.”
“How do your parents feel about that?” It almost seemed like that was meant to hurt me.
The bell on the door rang as someone entered. It looked like the Sherriff and a deputy. I could only guess that they were here for me.
They both walked right up to me.
“I hear you were out by the hotel earlier?” the sheriff asked me.
“Yeah?” I replied.
“You aware it’s illegal to throw gators?”
I turned to face him. “You’re kidding me, right?” I didn’t realize anyone was watching me. Oops.
“’Fraid not, city boy.” They loved to call me that. I’m not even from a city.
“My mistake then.”
“I’m ‘fraid yer comin’ wit me.”
This is not how I wanted this trip to go.
“Let’s go city boy,” the sheriff said.
I wasn’t going to let them take
me in but I really didn’t want to make a scene. The werewolf would know who I was. Although, they probably felt me come in, just like I felt them when I first came in, and since I was probably the only visitor in the past 100 years it was safe to assume they already knew.
“I’d rather not,” I said. It didn’t matter at this point.
“You don’t have a choice,” the sheriff informed me.
“I don’t want to make a scene.”
“Then let’s go.”
“Sheriff,” the man behind the counter started, “I think we can cut the new comer a break, can’t we? Clearly he isn’t familiar with our laws, otherwise he wouldn’t have done it.” He looked me for validation, to which I nodded.
“Of course,” I played along.
“Let’s let it slide just this once.”
The sheriff looked quite aggravated but he was certainly mulling it over in that big, empty head of his. The deputy that was with him seemed like he didn’t even know what was going on. The way he stared at me made me very uncomfortable.
“Fine,” the sheriff finally answered. “Do it again, and I’ll toss ya right in jail.”
“It won’t happen again,” I promised.
“Good. I’ll have my eye on you.”
“Thank you sheriff,” the man said. The sheriff just nodded his head and walked away.
I turned back to the man. “Thank you for that.”
“It was no problem,” he replied.
“Wes.” I stuck out my hand.
“Raymond.” He also stuck out his hand and completed the handshake.
“So, tossing gators?” He didn’t seem surprised, which was odd, but instead was mocking me. Why didn’t they think it was weird that I could lift a gator? Maybe Raymond just thought the sheriff was exaggerating.
“Yeah,” I laughed it off. “Weird.”
“I suggest that the rest of your time here that you don’t going around throwing animals.”
“Good idea.”
I ate the sandwich and found out that Raymond wasn’t lying. The tuna was really good.
“So,” began Raymond, “you hunting after anyone right now?”
I shook my head. “There’s something out there but I don’t know what it is yet. I’m on my way to find my next target.”
“Right. Well, I hope you find him.”
“Or her.”
“Touché.”
After I was finished I left the tray on the counter and started for the door. I noticed that everyone in the place—there were maybe four people in there besides Raymond and I—was looking at me and they all had evil grins on their faces.
“Stay out of trouble out there,” Raymond suggested.
“I’ll try to.”
“Bye.”
“See ya.”
The air was thick and the sun was making its way down past the horizon. I had a few hours left until the moon showed its ugly face, forcing the werewolf to come out of hiding. All I could do now was wait.
It was just about time for the moon to show itself and I was prepared for the werewolf to show up. The only problem was that they knew I was here so I needed to find a spot where no one saw me so they wouldn’t know where to find me.
OK. Here’s the deal, I could tell you about how I sat there for 30 minutes and a whole bunch of exciting things happened but they didn’t, and the fact is the werewolf found me. It wasn’t just one, though, but two of them. At least it was good to know that I didn’t waste my time and there definitely were werewolves here. I was hoping for just one, however.
They came up behind me and kind of caught me by surprise, a little. The first one that got to me took a good slash at me but I simply ducked and spun-kicked it in the back, sending it flying into a tree. The second one tackled me and we rolled down the hill.
Let me describe to you what a werewolf looks like. These aren’t oversized wolves walking on all fours. No. They were on two legs, which made them much more versatile and dangerous. They were very tall and very muscular. I was strong myself so I could handle my own against them but if one of you went up against them you would be dead in seconds. They could rip you in half like you a piece of paper. That being said, you can understand why the giant, hairy monster was able to pin me to the ground.
“Wes,” it growled in a very deep voice. Oh yeah, they can talk.
“If you know my name,” I started, “then that means you were in the restaurant, place, thing.”
“Keep going.”
“Sheriff.”
“Yeah.” That would explain why he wasn’t surprised that I could throw an alligator.
“I think it’s time you got off me.”
I brought my feet underneath him and pushed with all my might. The sheriff flew like, like a flying werewolf. I can’t really compare it to anything else, sorry. He bounced off of a tree but landed on his feet. Werewolves were very resilient.
“I’ve made it my life mission to kill every werewolf I ever encounter,” I informed him.
He simply laughed. “You won’t be killin’ any of us tonight.”
“Us? There are only two of you. I can kill two of you very easily.”
“Maybe ya can, but there’s more than two of us.”
Right on cue three more werewolves came out from behind the trees, like they were hiding. That definitely posed a problem. I started to back away and wondered if I should run. I could eventually overcome them but going after them headfirst would not end well for me.
“Don’t worry,” the sheriff began, “we don’t plan on killin’ yer, yet.” He sounded weird as a werewolf.
“No?” I asked. “What would four werewolves plan on doing with me?”
“You’ll see.”
They all converged on me but I did a back flip into the tree, landed on a branch, and then jumped somewhere around 100 feet. Yeah, I’m that good.
As soon as I landed I started running for my bike. I had been hiding behind the hotel when the werewolves found me. I had looped around town so nobody would catch me and had carried my bike so no one would hear me. That didn’t matter, though, because when I got back to my bike it was gone.
“Crap,” I breathed. “Crap, crap, crap.”
Things only got worse though as another werewolf came out of the little crap motel.
“City boy,” he said. It was the jerk that wanted to overcharge for the room.
“How many of you are there?” I asked out loud.
“A lot.”
“It was a rhetorical question, dumbass.”
“Who you callin’ dumb?”
“I’m just going to kill you.”
I ran straight for him and he came right at me. He tried to overpower me but I used some finesse and just took off his head. It felt very fulfilling.
The streets were empty as I ran through the town but that was short-lived as werewolves started coming out of everywhere, and I literally mean everywhere. It seemed like the whole town was full of werewolves.
“You see, Wes,” the sheriff began. He had caught up to me. “You walked into the wrong town.”
Everyone in town was a werewolf. Oh sh…
I couldn’t believe it. Everyone in the town was just a bunch of werewolves. The sheriff was definitely right and I had wandered into the wrong place. I had no idea how I was supposed to defeat an entire town of werewolves by myself. Running was the only option at that point.
I took off down the street and hoped I would miraculously find my bike but as you can imagine, that didn’t happen.
As the werewolves all converged on me I was able to fight a lot of them off. I fired a gunshot here and a chop with my axe there. Unfortunately, they were able to overpower me and I was powerless to fight back. Hey, I’m strong but when I have six werewolves holding me there was only so much that I could do. Let’s see how well you hold up to that.
They dragged me into town toward the restaurant and pinned me down in front of it. I didn’t really see what point they were trying to make here but I
was definitely worried.
Raymond came walking out of the store.
“RUN!” I yelled at him. I quickly wondered how he was still alive if he was just a normal human surrounded by werewolves.
He didn’t seem the least bit frightened but instead smiled at me. “I think not, Wes.”
I was confused. None of the werewolves attacked him and it appeared that he was on their side. What would a werewolf need a human for beside food?
“You look puzzled,” he pointed out.
“You could say that,” I replied. “They all knew I was here.”
“It’s a small town. When a newcomer wanders in and we can feel their presence, well then we can pretty much figure out it is a paladin.”
“OK, but what do you mean ‘we’? You’re human.”
“Who said I am human?”
Remember when I said werewolves are werewolves by night? That meant they were forced to change at night, or so I thought.
Raymond took off his shirt and then his pants. I was in no mood to witness that so I turned away, avoiding an awkward moment. When I looked back, though, there was a large werewolf where he used to be. He changed, by his own will. He wasn’t forced by the moon but was able to morph into the monster because he chose to. I had no idea they could do that.
“As you can see,” Raymond started in a now deep voice, “I am just like the people in this town.”
“A giant, ugly, mindless beast?” I asked.
The sheriff smacked me in the back of the head. At least I assumed it was him.
“You see, I turned everyone here,” he continued.
“There aren’t enough of you already?” I said. I don’t know why I have to make comments like that. All it got me was a nice slash across my face.
“The fact of the matter, Wes, is that we outnumber you, yet we hide. We hide so the world won’t know who we are. We were afraid of Paladins, but now you are the last one. So it is you who should fear us, Mr. Parker.”
“Uh huh.”
“I came here, to this town where no one ever came to or even knew about. I knew it was the perfect place to build my army.”
“An army of werewolves. Awesome.”
“I wanted my fellow wolves to bring you to me so we could talk.”
“Why would you want to talk to me?”
“You’re the last paladin. Why wouldn’t I want to meet you?”
I thought back to earlier that day, when Raymond first saw me.
“You knew who I was,” I began, “when you first saw me.”
He laughed. “You caught me.”
“How?”
“Don’t you recognize me?”
He leaned in really close to me.
“I killed your parents.”
I felt my blood boil and I could feel just how red my face was. The werewolf that ruined my life was standing right there in front of me, and the difference was now I could fight back.
“You killed my parents?” I asked, reiterating the statement.
“Yes,” Raymond confirmed. “Well, not just me but my brothers were there, too.”
My mind was racing so fast that I couldn’t think of what I wanted to say. All I wanted to do was pick up my axe and bury it into Raymond’s head. There was no way I wasn’t going to get out of this without killing him.
“We decided that we needed to split up in order to make enough werewolves fast enough and train them,” he said.
“Where are you brothers?” I asked through clenched teeth.
“It doesn’t matter. Even if you did find out you aren’t going to live beyond the next five minutes.”
“Before this is over, I’m going to kill you.”
Raymond laughed. “I have heard that numerous times. You’ll be the one who is dead.”
“I’ve heard that numerous times.”
We both stared at each other. I wasn’t sure completely how he felt about me but he was one of the things I hated most in the world.
“I don’t really see the need to wait any longer,” said Raymond. “I just wanted you to know it was me that ruined your life. The moment I smelled you walk into this town I just needed for you to know. I’m going to kill you now.”
This was it. I was going to be eaten by one of the same werewolves that murdered my parents. No. There was no way I was going to let it end like this. I was going to get out of this situation and I was going to kill this monster.
Raymond came at me like he was going to bite my head off. I let the flash of light escape my hands and blinded all of them. In that moment I managed to yank myself free of the werewolves that were holding me down, grab my axes and chop off their heads. I went to attack Raymond as well but he gave me a good slash across my chest. I managed to back away and miss the brunt of the attack but he still caught some of my skin. I needed to run.
I decided to flash my beam of light one more time and took off before they had time to react. I know what you’re thinking: why not keep flashing them and kill them while they’re blinded? That would be because eventually they would just all charge me anyway and using that power over and over would just wear me out, smartass.
I made my way to the woods, running as fast as I could. I needed to get away from them and make a phone call. Being in a service area wasn’t an issue, although in this town you would think that it would be, because for some reason I always had perfect service no matter where I went.
I found myself running towards a swamp and I really only saw one option. To get away from them so they couldn’t smell me any more I needed to jump in the disgusting, alligator—and whatever else was in there—infested water. I could swim fast and I wasn’t really that worried about any alligators but it was still gross. It was the only choice I had, though, so I jumped in and just swam as far as I could.
I didn’t come up until I was sure I was far enough away. I slowly let my head poke out of the water and listen to the sounds around me. As far as I could tell there were none around. Quickly and quietly I got out of the bath-warm water and pulled out my phone. Oh yeah. It’s waterproof. I know, it’s convenient but it is what it is.
Searching through my contacts I found Kelly and pushed on the screen.
“Wes?” she answered.
“Yes,” I replied in a whisper.
“Why are you whispering?”
“Listen to me. I’m in big trouble.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m in a middle of nowhere town in southern Louisiana.”
“Hunting of course.”
“Werewolves.”
“Werewolves? As in plural?”
“Yeah.”
“You need our help.” She wasn’t asking but stating it.
I bit my teeth down. “Yes.”
“Wow,” she said. I could hear the smile in her voice. “I feel like I should be recording this.”
“I don’t have time for this.”
“OK, OK. What do you need?”
I took in a deep breath. I knew what needed to be done but it was just not an option I really liked.
“I need you to blow up this town.”
“What?” Kelly asked.
“You heard me,” I replied.
“You can’t be serious.”
“I’m very serious. This entire town is populated with werewolves.”
“I still can’t just take out a town.”
“It’s really small, nobody knows about it, and it is filled with redneck werewolves. Trust me, there is no loss here.”
Kelly was silent for a second.
“Let us send in a team,” she tried.
“There’s no time for that,” I told her.
She didn’t say anything, again. She was obviously thinking it over.
“Listen, this is one of the werewolves that killed my parents,” I said. “He’s here creating some sort of idiotic army and there is way more than we can handle.”
“So this is personal?” she asked me.
“No. Well, yes, but we real
ly have to stop them.”
She let out a long exaggerated sigh. “Hang on.”
There was no sound coming from the phone but the call didn’t end yet. I thought I heard something behind the trees off in the distance so I slowly started to back away. After several seconds nothing came after me. It must have been a deer or something.
“Wes?” Kelly said through the phone.
“Yeah,” I replied.
“You need to get out of the there fast.”
“How fast?”
“Ten minutes.”
“I don’t even know where my bike is.”
“Wes, you need to find it and get out of there quick. I’ll see if I can hold them off until you get out.”
“No. There’s no time for that.”
“What if you don’t get out in time?”
“Don’t worry about me. If I don’t, though, there were two other werewolves that killed my parents, this one’s brothers. If I don’t get out you need to find them and stop them.”
“Just get out of there and we can both find them.”
“Right. Thanks, Kelly.”
I hung up the phone and started running back into town. There was no telling where my bike was and I had very little time to find it. I have to say that I was actually very nervous.
I eventually found my way back into town and from what I could tell it was empty. They were obviously still looking for me out in the woods. To me it would have made more sense for them to leave some werewolves behind in case I managed to get back here. Obviously Raymond had a lot to learn, nevermind teach. Either that or he did tell some to stay but they were too stupid to stay behind. I am going to assume that is probably the case.
I went to the one place that made sense to me, Raymond’s store/restaurant. I ran around the entire outside of the building and my bike was nowhere to be found. That was when I decided to venture inside. I had just peeked inside when I saw it standing in the middle of the floor. That was also when I heard him come up behind me.
“Wes,” Raymond growled.
“Raymond,” I replied. I turned around and found everyone was standing behind me, watching. Apparently they were smart enough to stick around. They knew I was going to come back here.
“It’s time. He’s mine. Everyone else stay out of it.”
I had five minutes to kill Raymond, get my bike and escape the rest of the werewolves. I’m dead.
We both stood still, staring each other in the eyes. He wanted me dead and I pretty much felt the same. This was the werewolf that had ruined my life and I would love to be able to pay him the same favor.
Raymond charged at me and I rolled out of the way, narrowly avoiding a slash across the face. As I came up I swiped my axe up his back and made contact, drawing first blood. He howled in protest and was visibly angry. He came at me again and when I went to do a barrel roll over him he simply reached up, grabbed me and slammed me into the ground. I bounced of the dirt parking lot and felt the wind escape my lungs. That one hurt.
I fought pass the pain and as he ran at me I spun on the ground and kicked his legs right out from underneath him. I pushed myself into a spin and landed right above him. Bringing my axe down with all my might and I swung it towards his head. Raymond brought his hands up just in time and stopped the axe inches from his face. One of the werewolves charged in to help.
“No!” Raymond yelled. “Leave him to me.”
Clearly he thought he was getting out of this even though I was pushing down and winning. That was until he pushed back and lifted me off the ground. I flew backwards and bounced off the wall of his store. When I hit the ground there was a nice thud and I felt myself lifted into the air again.
Raymond punched me in the face three times and threw me way off to the side against a large propane tank. I could feel the blood on my face and I was already starting to bruise. Trust me I know when I’m bruising. He jumped into the air soaring across the parking lot, falling right towards me. I rolled on the ground, swung my foot up and kicked him right in the snout, eliciting a small whimper. That felt good.
In a fit of rage Raymond came at me like a wild animal, which I guess he kind of was, being a werewolf and all. I went to swing my axe at him but he just knocked it out of the way, slashed me across the chest and threw me back in front of the restaurant.
“I’m done toying with you, paladin,” he snarled. “I’m going to finish you off and eat your flesh, and I will be the one who has killed the very last paladin. Prepare to die, Wes Parker.”
He started toward me as an alarm on my phone went off. He stopped.
“What is that?” one of the other werewolves asked.
“That would be the alarm on my phone,” I answered.
“Alarm fer what?”
The sound of a plane could be heard in the distance.
“The alarm for when I blow up this town.”
Raymond looked up into the sky and that was my chance. I stood up as quick as I could, swung my axe and sliced his head clean off.
“Game over,” I said.
I took out one of my Desert Eagles and fired at the propane tank. The explosion was absolutely amazing. I’m sure it could be seen and heard for miles. Of course, there was no one within said miles.
The force was enough to knock everyone over, including myself. I didn’t have any time to spare, though, so I got right back up and headed straight for my bike. Every one of the werewolves were caught by surprise so they weren’t as quick to respond and that gave me the time that I needed to get my bike started and barrel out of there.
I heard the first bomb hit somewhere on the other edge of town. If I moved fast enough then I could still make it. Yes, my bike is definitely fast enough to make. The werewolves were starting to get their wits about them, however, and started to attack me. I sliced them with my axe and fought them off as the sounds of the bombs were getting closer, and fast.
One wolf got too close and when I went to knock it away it pulled the axe out of my hand. Crap. Crap, crap, crap. I was so mad. I lost my axe and there was nothing I could do to get it back because the bombs were right on my back. They were getting so close that I could feel the heat against my back. I started to fear that some of the werewolves were going to get away, but then I realized at the rate I was going I wasn’t going to get away. Luckily my bike had a little something special in it.
I activated the booster—I didn’t know what to call it, because it wasn’t NOS. This is one of the things that I inherited so I didn’t know the ins and outs of it—the bike—but the boost was rechargeable, and it was just what I needed to get away in time. As I cruised at about 215 miles per hour I could hear the last werewolves yelp as the fire consumed them.
After I was a good distance away I looked back at the town that was now completely covered in a blaze of fire. I called Kelly to let her know they were all dead and I wasn’t.
I was still mad. I finally gained some revenge back for my parents but I didn’t feel any better. Plus there was still two of them left and needed to find them and kill them, too.
The worst part of this entire hunt was that I lost one of my axes. I couldn’t believe that I lost one. They felt like and extensions to my arms.
Something came flying through the air, fast. It hit the ground right near my feet. It was my axe.
“Oh cool,” I said out loud.
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Mischief in the Mountains